Afleveringen
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By the end of this episode, I hope you'll get this, men: Courage. Character. Restraint.
What I really want to share is that if you want your wife to follow you and be turned on by you, cowardice isn't sexy... to say the least.
It's true that the "righteous are as bold as a lion". If you want to grow in courage you must grow in your character.
When you lie to yourself or to others, you are undermining your confidence and courage.
You are the leader of your home. Whether you feel that way or not, what you do (or don't do) creates the culture.
You are the first man your children ever see as a role model.
You are the first husband your wife has ever had.
You are their standard.
If you "follow" your father, and don't realize you're a leader, you will fall into the same issues he had.
But if you realize that you're a lion, you are a leader. You have the opportunity to do everything differently.
It starts with looking at your character.
It starts with not lying.
You must work on integrating all the parts of yourself: your spirituality, sexuality, wealth, family life, etc, etc, etc.
When your character is your focus and goal to increase, you become more courageous. When you can be honest with the tiny, then you can make big decisions easily.
I give some embarrassing examples that I hope you can learn from (at my expense).
Please know I love you and am praying for you.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - If youâre ready to take the next step in fighting for your marriage, we want to talk with you. Please contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc and schedule a totally free Clarity Call with us.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
Before the Masculinity Reclaimed Program: âI often felt disrespected and controlled. To a degree I felt unloved because of the lack of physical intimacy.
I often felt I couldnât be myself or express my opinion because of the disapproval I would feel when I did. There was anger and indifference growing in me. We were growing further and further apart⊠hopelessness was making me accept the fact that we would continue to become more and more estranged until one or both of us died.â
After MR: âI have a renewed hope that things can get better. I now have a clearer vision of my role as a husband and how things can and should be. I have grown in confidence by learning what is the path to get there.
I understand my wife so much better now and realize that contrary to what I thought before, she is not broken! Anxiousness about when sex will happen next is pretty much gone.
Our communication is so much better: we have not had an argument since the beginning of the program. I am sharing more of myself now â my wife will not die without knowing her husband of all these years!â
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Consider this: you might be more like Paul than you realize. Yes, Paulâthe apostle whose praises were so powerful they shook prison walls, and who found joy even in his suffering. What could you possibly have in common with him?
Well, Paul had a thorn in his side. A persistent struggle that he begged God to remove. Iâm willing to bet thereâs a thorn in your side tooâsomething youâve desperately asked God to take away. Whether itâs sexual sin, pride, greed, jealousy, or anger, this thorn is your personal struggle.
I am here to tell you: Embrace the thorn in your side. This might sound counterintuitive, but in your weakness, Godâs strength is made perfect. The thorn is there for a reason. God has given it to you to keep you humble, to remind you that youâre not in control of everything, and to draw you closer to Him.
How do folks often respond to their (God-given) thorns?
Disassociate. Disown. Disregard.
Disassociating yourself from these strugglesâespecially the deep ones like hidden addictionsâcan be perilous.
Essentially, if you do not embrace your thorn, it is the enemy's playground to attack you in the same way again... and again... and again... to the destruction of all those you love and the reputation of the gospel that you represent to others.
We are urging you, bring these struggles into the light. Seek accountability, find support, and create a plan. On the good days it's easier to make that plan and structure to support you on the hard days that you know will come... because you've embraced the thorn that is God's gift which keeps you humble.
Important: Perfection isnât required- 80% of a plan is enough to start making meaningful progress. The point is to start. Remember when you perceive the negative pattern in your history, it's time to take action so you can prevent things going downhill... for when you are weak, then you are strong.
This week, I encourage you to identify your thorn (start with one, we likely all have many! I certainly do), confront it, confess it to God, repent and confess it to safe people. Then, know that He forgives you and makes a way of escape for the future so you can truly truly walk in the humility that comes through the gift of this thorn... because His grace IS sufficient for you.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you are interested in learning more about our program, maybe even getting that accountability in your life, we would love to talk to you. Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - I am excited to share with you a resource that I believe will be of value for your marital intimacy!
A group of pro-marriage / intimacy experts have gotten together and are doing a sex seminar. These are folks that believe marriage is right and good but they are not necessarily Bible-believing Christians.
Amongst really valuable and wise content, there will likely be perspectives represented that I donât 100% agree with.
I encourage you (as always) to seek discernment from God to gain the good insights that may be in this event and leave what may not be helpful to you.
Keep eternity in mind: at the end of it all we want to hear from God âwell done.â We want it to be true that we loved the spouse we were given with a servant heart and according to His Word.
I hope you gain wonderful encouragement and practical ideas to love your spouse well through intimacy!
Here are the links-
2024 Sex Seminar: https://shop.thedatingdivas.com/discount/DYM24?redirect=%2Fproducts%2Fsex-seminar-2024Sex Seminar Bundle (all 5 years):
https://shop.thedatingdivas.com/discount/DYMBUNDLE24?redirect=%2Fproducts%2Fsex-seminar-bundle-2024PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"After 8 years of marriage, we had both grown complacent in investing in each other⊠I have long struggled with pornography and I tend to be a bit of a workaholic while my wife has been at home with our kids for 15 years. It seems we took every one of those opportunities to create distance in our relationship⊠[Now], I'm taking ownership. This is my home. This is my marriage. She is my wife. Ours is a union blessed by God. In taking my roles as husband, father, help mate more seriously, my whole family has begun to benefit. The man's role is not to simply coexist, but to lead the marriage and family. I can make a difference in the family by leading to and with God.â -
Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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We want to share an inspiring story about Karl, a widower who experienced profound loss when his first wife passed away in 2020. Since then, heâs rebuilt his life with a new marriage to his lovely wife Rachel and a vibrant blended family of six children.
At first, their new life together seemed to be falling into place beautifully, but just nine months into their marriage, an unexpected challenge arose. Due to circumstances beyond their control, pornography was inadvertently introduced into their home through one of their childrenâs devices. This incident outside of their control ignited a series of conflicts, tension and bitterness.
As a pastor, he realized if he lost his marriage, everything, every thing in his life was at stake.
Through a series of unusual events, Karl learned of the success of Delight Your Marriage and decided to give it a try and fight for his marriage. He took our free Clarity Call and described it as a âbreath of fresh airâ that gave true clarity. He was able to see how not only the past few months had affected his marriage but how things from his previous marriage and the loss from 2020 were also affecting him even now.
He committed to the men's program, and the transformation was remarkable. Through the tools and guidance he received, he learned to communicate more effectively and approach his relationship with a renewed sense of empathy and understanding. As Karlâs approach to their marriage shifted, Rachelâs heart began to soften. This newfound healing was put to the test when their luggage, including passports, thousands in cash, work laptop, and IDs, was stolen right before their trip to Rachelâs home country.
He said this (and this is what we want for you) they leaned into each other and God during crisis, rather than being torn apart. When they used to have massive discord on something as simple as a family routine, now they have connection and healing amidst what could be described as a significant disappointment.
What they've discovered through it all... they have both said: âI have my best friend back.â
Be encouraged by God's miracle working power, which He can do for you too!
Belah & Team
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Thereâs a profound truth that can often be overlooked: love, in its truest form, is sustainably sacrificial. This means loving your spouse in a way that endures, even when it's challenging.
If you're a spouse who is tempted towards apathyâlosing hope and withdrawingâit can feel like a deep, unending chasm. This apathy might stem from various sources: exhaustion from the relentless demands of daily life, pride that blocks genuine connection, unforgiveness that creates barriers, or perhaps a combination of all these factors. Whatever the reason, itâs crucial to recognize these signs before they evolve into a dangerous pattern that jeopardizes your relationship.
There may be times when your spouseâs attempts to reach out (or lack thereof) seem ineffective or even hurtful. I encourage you to see beyond the surface and engage with the deeper purpose of marriage -- to make God proud of you.
Remember, youâre not loving your spouse for a specific result; youâre doing it because you love God. That love for God will sustain you when youâre not seeing the fruit of your efforts. He CAN fill us with all joy and peace, irrespective of our circumstances or the immediate outcomes of our actions.
Even amidst the temptation to lose hope and become apathetic. Don't. Instead, look to the Lord. Rejoice in Him, and trust that God is a God of hope. Your perseverance is not in vain, even when it feels like youâre giving more than your fair share in loving and meeting your partnerâs needs.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you are wanting to fight apathy, fight for your marriage, or just even get some clarity for your marriage... we would love to talk with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
âMy biggest celebrations have been: Forgiveness- I had no idea how much resentment I had towards my wife. There is no doubt in my mind that she felt that⊠I learned to not only forgive her, but look at some of those things as a strength for her⊠Replacing bad habits with good daily habits of first thanking God for my blessings. praying for my wife, shouting my faith statement and focusing on making my marriage the best it can be. I learned that it is all up to me. I know God is with me every step of the way, but I have to be the leader of my life and my marriage.â -
Perhaps the most heartbreaking situations I encounter are when one spouse becomes apatheticâlosing hopeâand decides to "pull the plug" on the relationship. When a spouse gives up hope, apathy sets in, leading them to consider divorce, an affair, or even a secret addiction because they feel their spouse isnât meeting their needs.
I may not fully understand all the dynamics that have brought your marriage to its current state, but my hope is that you recognize the warning signs before apathy takes hold.
LISTEN to your spouseâs heartcry. Donât let them lose hope because their attempts to communicate with you have been ignored. Yes, their communication may have been ineffectiveâperhaps controlling, critical, or accusatoryâbut underneath it all, they are expressing a hurt that you are overlooking.
If you ignore it long enough, they may stop hoping things will change. Tragically, this can lead to apathy and the potential destruction of your marriage.
As a marriage coach who genuinely cares, I urge you: please donât wait until apathy sets in before you start paying attention to what your spouse is trying to communicate. Even if their words make you feel like a failure, could you, just possibly, listen to the deeper message? They are crying out to be loved in the way they need to feel loved, and if you donât respond, they may become so weary that the dangerous temptation of apathy takes hold.
NOTE: If youâre the spouse who seems to be doing more than your fair share of loving and meeting your partnerâs needs, know this: your reward will be great, far beyond what you might receive in this life. Donât stop. Donât let apathy take root in your heart. Remember, God is a God of hope, and He will fill you with hope as you trust in Him. He doesnât want you to be hopeless. Trust in God. Love, Belah PS - If you're on the verge of losing hope and becoming apathetic about your marriage, we want to help. And if you're worried that your spouse might be feeling this way, we want to help too.
Your next step is a free, "low-stakes" conversation called a Clarity Call. We'd love to hear what's going on and potentially be the lifeline that prevents disasterâGod has worked miracles in situations like yours before. But it takes courage to take that first step of HOPE. Speak to a compassionate Clarity Advisor: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS -- Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"I had grown so apathetic towards my husband that I KNEW this was very dangerous. I had built a case against him in my mind for the ways he did not appreciate me or accept me... I am a highly sensitive person with strong feelings, so to have little to no feeling towards my husband was intolerable to me. This is what drove me to DYM... A truly KEY realization I had to admit, was that I was a âbickering wifeâ and that I had been undermining him, disrespecting him, and deeply wounding him... I am so convicted of how it tore down my marriage, impacted my husbandâs self-esteem, and definitely was negative example to our children... Once I admitted that, I was able to grow!" -
Weâre excited to bring you a story of a woman who was nearing the empty nester phase and, if she was really honest with herself, wasnât looking forward to it at all. Her oldest had already left and grieving that separation added a strain on the marriage. Julie generally felt frustrated and unhappy and blamed her husband for the distance.
However, she did a very wise thing. She realized she is the only one who can change anything in the marriage by changing herself. She decided to take us up on our free Clarity Call offer and ended up feeling like she got a counseling session for free just by talking to our Clarity advisor.Thankfully, she didnât stop there and decided she wanted to join the program to gain the tools she needed to change everything in their connection. Which is exactly what happened. She started out feeling that she and her husband were opposites and maybe werenât even meant to get along. And thank God, through this work, she discovered her husband is a man who is actually complementary, she deeply loves, and even misses when they are apart.
With love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you want to try out a Clarity Call like Julie did, here is the link: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from a (different) recent graduate:âOnce I learned the 3 basic needs for my husband, I had a new understanding⊠He started to open up to me and we made more progress in a few weeks than we had in years.â
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Hello everyone!
I hope you all have had a good week so far! For todayâs podcast, we are doing something a little different!
I wanted to give you an inside look on what a Coaching Call with us is like. Confidentiality is of the utmost importance to us, so you wonât hear any names or any confidential information, but you will get to hear some of my coaching and some good truths being shared. We wanted to give you an example of what it would look like to be on a Coaching Call with myself and a few of your fellow peers.
Based on the men's questions, we cover a few important insights directed at men specifically:
Embrace humility in your identity as a believer.
Pursue sexual purity and healing.
Stay connectedâaccountability is a choice.
Lead your wife with courage; itâs what she desires.
Guide your family spiritually with practical ideas and encouragement.
If you are wanting encouragement, coaching, and want to seek out Truth and encouragement for your marriage, we hope youâll consider joining the program and being part of a company of men running together to achieve the prize and gaining a wonderful and healed marriage and intimacy in the process...
We want you to know:
Change is possible. Healing is possible. And God loves you.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you want more information on how to be a part of a Coaching Program like this, here's your next step: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote of a recent graduate's favorite celebrations from the program:
âWhere do I begin? I have my wife back. We are having fun again. I almost feel like we are newlyweds again, but this time it is even better now after 28 years of marriage than it ever was. My wife feels safe with me. I'm loving her the way she receives love and she's loving me back wholeheartedly physically intimately towards me. No more duty sex. YEAH!!
She is pursuing her own pleasure too. She is frequently initiating to be intimate with me. She is flirting with me and she even did a tap dance saying how good it was the other day after we made love. I am holding back the tears as I am writing this. I will come back to this in a bit. Ok. I'm back. I have a heart filled with gratitude.
She even grabbed me as I was leaving the house today. She has never done that before. I think she is starting to crave my touch and now she likes to snuggle next to me. All of these celebrations while at the same time my wife is walking one of the most difficult seasons of her life... As I am writing this, she just sent me the most amazing text. I feel like I couldn't even come up with this if I had to. God is so so so good!!!!â
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What if I told you that you have influence? That you don't need to have a podcast or a church or a book or a social media following. That right now, in this moment, you have the power to influence the lives of others, especially your spouse.
Every day we have the power to influence the life of our spouse. We have the power to show them who they are in Christ by loving them the way Jesus loves them. When we make their day great just by the tiny interactions we have with them throughout the day, we are influencing them in a dramatic way. It is affecting their life and their potential to follow Jesus more closely!
Or we can discourage them. We can complain and criticize and tear them down- even if we don't mean to. We have the power to completely make or break our spouses' day because of the relationship we have with them. If we're so focused on ourselves and our own needs not being met, we are negatively influencing them and likely pushing them away from Jesus on that day, week, year and eventually... their life.
Our spouse is our first assignment. They are our highest place of influence.
Do not waste your influence.
In this episode, we are talking about what it really means to have influence and how to use that influence (including some practicals in how to communicate the points you want to get across). We hope it shines a light on places and encourages you to recognize your power and use it for good.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - You can find the Marital Health Assessment mentioned at the beginning of this podcast here: delightyoumarriage.com/health
PPS - If you want to know more about what we do and how we can help your marriage, please feel free to reach out at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"There has been unbelievable healing and growth that I prayed so desperately for, but never knew how to achieve on my own. I am closer to God than ever before and now have such an incredible arsenal of tools in my pocket to handle the difficult situations that inevitably still arise." -
We are thrilled to be sharing Joel's Transformation Story with you today!
After 28 years of marriage, Joel felt disconnected from his wife. He was unsure of what to do and or where the disconnection was coming from. In searching for answers, he spoke with his sister about it and was introduced to the DYM podcast. After a few episodes and some topics really hitting home, he signed up for the Clarity Call and was accepted into the Masculinity Reclaimed course.
Through the Course, not only did Joel begin to see a change in his marriage - with the reconnection he had longed for, more playfulness, and a better understanding of how to love his wife well - but his wife even began adding his Coaching Calls to their calendar! She was THAT impressed by the changes!
We hope this transformation story inspires you and reminds you that the work that you do for your marriage does matter.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you are looking to reconnect with your spouse, learn how to love them better, or figure out just how in the world to bring playfulness back - we would love to talk with you.
delightyourmarriage.com/ccPPS - Here is a quote from another recent graduate:
âThe program has given me the tools I need to have a thriving marriage. More importantly, the program has changed my mindset and outlook. I now have a renewed hope that a thriving marriage is possible! I no longer fear that our marriage will end. Our intimacy isnât just physical like in the past. It is now emotional, spiritual, and physical. It is new and AMAZING!â
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Maybe you've been incredibly successful in your business pursuits.
You're the kind of guy who sees a target, attacks the target and brings home the game.
And year after year every chart goes up and to the right.
But unfortunately, what you have done that got you great success in business is what has actually torn down what you have wanted to build.
I mostly focus on men in this episode because I find they often need this sort of clarification of how God designed marriage.
The truth: marriage is extremely different than business :)
A businessman might see a problem and want to fix it, when he uses the same tools that have made him successful in business with his wife...
It drives her away.
It makes her feel she's not good enough.
Or it causes her to grow cold towards him.
The strategies that work in growing your business, conversing with coworkers, or motivating your employees will not be the things that work in the closer, intimate relationship you have with your spouse.
So, if you feel you're throwing punches in the dark and nothing is working and it's incredibly frustrating -- based on the success you've come to expect with your typical approach to life... then this episode is for you.
Blessings,
Belah & Team
PS - If we can help you with your marriage, we invite you to schedule a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
This is a free consultation for us to see if we are a fit for your needs and if we would expect wonderful results from a program.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
âI have come to realize that I need to be very intentional every day about romancing my wife. Especially recently, with some new business pressures, I have realized how easy it is to slip. Interestingly, I am seeing some significant effects in my daughters. Both of them are saying that they would like to have marriages like my wife and I have. Praise God!!!â
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Listening is a superpower.
It makes people feel heard and safe and brings down defenses. It lets them know they are cared for.
In today's society, it can be hard to have a conversation without wanting to defend a point in disagreement or wanting to make sure your opinion is heard, as well. It's even worse when this seeps into your marriage.
Today we are going to be talking about how to have a productive disagreement without losing connection, how to stay on the same team (even when you think your spouse is totally wrong!), and how to be a curious and compassionate listener, even in the midst of disagreement.
We hope this episode blesses you and leads to many wonderful, deep conversations and a deeper understanding and connection with your spouse.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - You can find the Marital Health Assessment mentioned in today's podcast here: https://delightyourmarriage.com/health/.
PPS - If you're thinking this listening stuff is great for someone else, but not you and your spouse- they never listen, they don't want to share, they are so closed off... we would love to talk to you and see if we can help. https://delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"My biggest struggle coming into the program was hard heartedness, unforgiveness and resentment... It's required me to be more reflective. It has shown me the power of positive habits that build into an attitude of gratitude. I am learning to see my wife in a kinder light. I am spending more time connecting with my kids and have been more patient, kind & gentle with them. I am becoming a better friend, messaging and calling friends more, and making time for them."
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In honor of Darcy's anniversary this week, I wanted to re-release this episode! Iâm excited to share that my wonderful friend Darcy is here to share her story and advice for you!
She is actually our wonderful Office Manager, and she reads all of your emails and prays for all of those who are suffering and in such difficulty in their marriages. She often weeps for you, listeners, and she truly, truly cares about you and feels your pain for those of you who are in need of hope.
Her conversation today reflects what God has done in her and what she prays He does in you. The rest of this message are from Darcy:
â
Thank you, Belah, for giving me this opportunity.
God is doing and has done so many amazing things and what an honor to testify of His power, love, and goodness!
*âBecause your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name, I will lift up my hands.â Ps. 63:3-4
I pray that God speaks to and encourages many weary hearts through this podcast.
âHope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.â Prov. 13:12
This is my prayer for you:
Father, thank You for the one listening to this podcast. Thank You that You know themâŠintimately! You know how many hairs are on their head. You know their hurts, desires, and joys.
You desire good for them and desire them to know and experience You and Your love in ways that will reveal to them the abundant life that You have offered to any who will come to You in faith in Jesus and walk in the power of the Spirit of God.
Father, you see the tears. You see the brokenness. Even more incredibly, You care about them and have the power to do something good with them.
God, You know that we so often want to run from hurt and pain! Teach us to trust YouâŠto take You at Your wordâŠ
I encourage you to read this scripture as though youâve never read it before:
*âFor I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.â Rom. 8:18-28
Thank You, Father, that You NEVER lie! Thank You that we can cling to You and Your promises through every storm, every hurt, every disappointment, and everything that we face on this planet! People may fail us, but You NEVER do!
You use the trials and pain to teach us greater things. You may seem far off at times, yet You are more interested in the details of our lives than we could ever imagine! Teach us to relinquish everything we hold onto to You, trusting that You will never disappointâŠwe wait on You.
âŠin Jesusâ name, I ask this, amen.
So, dear listener, remember:
âThe Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.â Ps. 34:18
* âDelight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.â Ps. 37:4
And let me ask you:
How long was Joseph a slave and a prisoner?
How long did David wait for the throne or Abraham and Sarah wait for a son?
How long were the Jews in captivity?
Hebrews 11 tells us that some died not yet having received the promise, yet they looked forward in faith and believed what God said.
God asked Abraham to sacrifice the fulfillment of His promise â Isaac. Abraham was willing. He even got up early the next morning to do so. Likely not because he felt like it or wanted to, but because he believed God.
HusbandâŠwifeâŠare you willing to believe God? Are you willing to sacrifice what you hold dear and trust God to deliver on His promises regardless of how bad things look and regardless of how long it takes?
Faith fleshes out in obedience. Because Abraham believed God, he acted like he believed God.
What does that look like for you in your situation today?
He is worthy! He is faithful! You and I can bank on it!
Grateful for His presence and His great and precious promises,
Darcy
Office Manager
*(All verses are in the ESV Bible version â emphasis mine)
PS If you would like to grow in your walk with God in many various ways, and particularly how that relates to your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our very caring Clarity Call advisor â click here to schedule
A testimonial from a course graduate:
âI was very, very nervous to try this program out. My wife still doesnât know about my involvement and I was very nervous about doing this without her knowledge.
But it has really exceeded any expectations I had about what might happen in my marriage.
I do believe I will talk with my wife about MR, in the right time, and I think it will go just fine. But if that is the reason you are hesitating, I can tell youâŠit really can work!â
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For the past 30 years, she has tried everything to try and connect with her husband. It left her feeling lonely inside her own marriage.
Tanya is a woman who feels deeply. She is wired to feel the world and those around her in a deep, empathetic way.
But this is not the way her husband was wired. Since the beginning of their marriage, Tanya has felt a disconnect and a dismissal of her emotions.
Her husband went looking for marriage help and found the Delight Your Marriage podcast.
Through the podcast, he was inspired to join the men's program and that is when their marriage really began to change.
She was shocked when she noticed he started listening more intently, he became more tender, and they would go on walks in the park holding hands together- something that had been missing since their dating days.
This inspired Tanya to do the women's program and "jump in with both feet", willing to let this program change her the way it had changed her husband.
Now, their marriage has flourished. Tanya never thought it would be possible, but here they are, more connected than ever before.
She said she feels "let out of prison". The depression has lifted and she has hope for the future for the first time in so long.
We believe Tanya's story will encourage you and inspires hope in you for your journey!
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If this story resonates with you and you want to see a change in your marriage as well, we would love to talk with you. Contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a completely free Clarity Call. (A call Tanya says is still impacting her even now.)
PSS - Here is a quote from a (different) recent graduate:
Before the Delighted Wife Program:
"We were planning on how to keep a family together while breaking our family up - We were at the end of ourselves and decided it was time to give up and go our separate ways."
After:"WHERE DO I BEGIN!!! I have grown in patience, perspective, my faith and connection with God, my understanding of my husband, and peace. I have learned how to build my marriage. Building it is now a journey and no longer an intense, overwhelming mission impossible...
Biggest take away from this whole course is the GOD FACTOR. Belah always pointed us to Jesus NOT to a strategy or an idea or concept. It was directly and purely to JESUS. He was the main focus, and everything else just fell into place. It helped me to re-center everything in my life."
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Clarity is a Christian's speciality.
Amidst a confused culture, a clear understanding of God's word is what we need.
If you're a husband, I invite you to consider how Jesus led and what the Bible says about a husband's leadership in the family.
If you're a wife, I invite you to hear what a man can be (really) so you are happy to be led.
My story started without good role modeling.
And then I tried to "submit" and it was soul crushing.
Then I decided I would NOT submit, and it was stressful, frustrating, and deeply painful.
Then I discovered God's way (though I still make mistakes at times), and it has made both my husband and I flourish.
I can lead in many, many ways outside of our family -- but I love that in our home I am not the leader. My husband is trustworthy and good to me and our children.
I hope you can catch a vision of what it can mean for you as a man or a woman to empower the right order of family.
We are to be a light on a hill for the non-believers.
I hope you'll curiously seek to gain perspective and growth into more and more of who God wants you to be in and through your marriage so you can do more for the Kingdom of God.
Love,
BelahPS - We can help -- if you're a husband or a wife -- that's what we do. Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn more.
PPS - Here a quote from a recent graduate:
Before the Masculinity Reclaimed program: âI had quite a few struggles when starting the program...we were arguing quite a lot, I was defensive in my responses and even blamed [her] for the issues. I also hadn't been intentional in terms of dating or cherishing her for a long time and she was feeling neglected and getting more and more upset about the situation.
Neither of us was very happy. I tried to do more around the house to make [her] happy, tried to act perfectly but still failed and ended up walking on eggshells most of the time. Not feeling or acting confidently or as a leader.â
After MR: âI can see now that I had been both aloof and independent towards my wife...but also very dependent on her mood and feelings/actions towards me.
I feel more secure now in who I am, I don't get defensive much at all any more and we rarely argue⊠I realized that I hadn't been a very good husband for a very long time. I didn't know the extent of it until I went through each week and realized that I hadn't really been doing the basics of knowing my wife, or making her feel safe and cherished. That was a hard realization, but actually really helped me to understand the situation and where [she] was coming from and also helped me to own my part in it.
It's been a huge change for the better. I have daily devotions now, I practice gratitude daily now. I have more confidence and less anxiety around people or stressful situations. I feel closer to God now; what could be a bigger impact than that?â
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We have all felt the frustration and disappointment of doing our best to do the right thing and life still does not go the way we thought.
For 28 years, Stephen was a faithful husband to his wife. There were no drugs or alcohol or pornography. They raised two kids in a Christian home. From the outside, everything looked like it should be going right.
But within their marriage, they were falling apart. Stephen felt emotionally and physically abandoned by his wife and didnât know what to do.
After desperately searching âSexual Intimacyâ on Google in hopes of finding some answers, Stephen stumbled upon Delight Your Marriage.
After the first podcast episode, he knew this was what the Lord had for him. He was shocked that after signing up, exactly what he had been praying for came to pass... his wife greeted him with open arms, a smile, and a âHow was your day?â followed by a passionate night!
Stephen had to do his work on himself. It wasn't easy and he had to have faith that God could change it all. And He did.
This is the story we want for each person listening: to be desired by their spouse, to be connected, and to be loved in a delight-filled marriage.
We are so thankful to Stephen for sharing his story with us and we hope that his story becomes your story too.
Blessings,
Belah & Team
P.S. - If you want to know more about our Clarity Calls or how to become involved in the same work Stephen did, please reach out to us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. We would love to talk to you!
P.S.S. - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
Before the men's program: âI often felt disrespected and controlled. To a degree I felt unloved because of the lack of physical intimacy.I often felt I couldnât be myself or express my opinion because of the disapproval I would feel when I did. There was anger and indifference growing in me. We were growing further and further apartâŠâ
After the men's program:
âTension between us is pretty much gone! Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before. My wife has become more affectionate and has initiated intimacy more! We can now discuss physical intimacy and not argue.
She has told me many times how she likes the changes she sees in me, and is expressing more and more desire to grow in intimacy herself!...
Other people around us, even strangers, have noticed something different about us. One change that I think is the most telling of how the DYM program has impacted our lives:
Prior to the program we had been sleeping in separate rooms for years. I am thankful to say that I am back in our marriage bed, physically, emotionally â for good now!â
P.S.S.S⊠:)
A few weeks ago, I had the wonderful privilege of being a guest on the 'That's Just What I Needed' podcast with speaker & author Donna Jones, who is a friend of DYM and has actually been on our podcast as well! If you'd like to listen to the episode, we talk about what you can do make your marriage better, regardless of where you're starting. You can find it here: Thatâs Just What I Needed
It was so great getting to chat with her and we hope the episode blesses you immensely! We want to support Donna and the great work she is doing so if you are on social media, please give her a follow on @donnaajones and make sure to check out her new book, Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life. Thank you again for having me, Donna!
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"Throughout all of history, it is clear that humans naturally are humble, self-sacrificial, and want to be of service to others"
...said no one, ever.
That is the right heart and mindset but it must be chosen and cultivated.
When we look back at our lives the things we are most proud of are not what came easily.
We are most proud of what was difficult, what took sacrifice and what was in service to something bigger than ourselves.
By nature, we don't want to do "hard".
Easy SEEMS better in the short-term, but when we choose the hard, we look back and see a life of meaning and purpose.
As a wife, it's not easy to reject the lies that society feeds us nowadays.
Lie - "Men and women are the same"
The problem is if we're the same then we'll expect to give and receive love the same way.
So, if a wife doesn't need sex to feel loved, she'll be bitter that her husband can't live without it.
The truth sets us free. And the truth is men and women are designed differently -- equal in value and dignity but different in the ways we receive love (among other things).
When I push myself towards the gym because of a doctor's wisdom, am I oppressing myself? Is the doctor oppressing me for suggesting such a gruesome and heinous encouragement that could leave me sore and in discomfort for days...
No--I'm grateful he told me the truth so I can have the results he knows I want: health and well-being. Ultimately, if I do push myself to go to the gym, I feel a LOT better once I'm there and started.
In the same way, if it is true and wise and good to go towards intimacy in marriage -- regardless of how I feel naturally -- I can change my attitude and go towards this gift that God has given. And generally with the right attitude, I'll start to enjoy it in the midst.
The beautiful part about sex is when you sacrifice your feelings and wants for the good of God's plan for your marriage, you can actually start to enjoy, love, and relish in His good gift of intimacy!
It all starts with a choice to say "Not my will, but Your will be done in my life".
Love,
BelahPS - If you are wanting to improve your marriage and have deeper intimacy with your spouse, we would love to talk with you. Please feel free to contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to schedule a free Clarity Call.
PPS - Here is quote from a recent graduate:
Before: "[Before the Delighted Wife program], My husband and I were at the brink of complete and utter separation. We were not communicating. There was anger and yelling and volatile behavior. We were not even sleeping in the same bed, in the same room. I was feeling absolutely helpless and broken. I feared for the future and for what would happen to our family. My health was being affected and all of the struggles were really destroying both of us.âAfter DW: âThrough the program, I realized that first, my husband is different than I am. Second, I learned that I was not respecting, admiring, or being wholehearted in my approach to intimacy. Third, I learned that the improvement that God was effecting for our marriage needed to begin with one of us and that it was me who needed to start⊠I learned to see my husband through God's eyes and am determined to love him with all of his strengths and weaknesses without wanting any change but instead being grateful for all that he is in my life⊠Delight Your Marriage opened my eyes to what the Lord has in store and has filled me with so much hope. Through the tools of the program, I have been able to see the improvements that have been affected almost miraculously. To God be the Glory!!!â
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When you see everyone else has great intimacy except you, how can you survive?
How can you live without this vital need being met (as God even designed it)?
I hear you.
It's painful.
It really is.
In this conversation, I hope you will feel encouraged and supported and also feel that God does care and there is direction.
Blessings,
BelahPS - Do you want to improve your marriage? Do you want to see a move of God in your own life and in the life of your spouse, family, and friendships? We want to help you. Check out this link to schedule a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "[Before the Masculinity Reclaimed program], I was stuck in the sin of self pity. We were not enjoying each other's company. Our youngest two children were noticing, and it was not the examples we wanted to be showing them.
[After the MR program], I have become more thankful. I learned to focus on the positives. I have learned to become a better listener. I understand my wife's needs better. Because of past disappointments my wife was not my #1 priority after the Lord. Now she is... There is so much in this program that is good. I loved Belah's insights for each guy during each week's coaching call. I believe she is relying on the Holy Spirit for wisdom and it shows with each guy's reactions and progress."
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If you're discontent...
If you feel you've been praying against a cement ceiling...
If you've actually felt disappointed in life and at God...
Or maybe it's less severe, you're going through the motions in life but something feels "off"...
I want you to know that your discontentment is something to pay attention to.
God does come in dreams and visions (sometimes) but often he leads us by our feelings.
And my wonder for you is are you paying attention?
Are you considering the feeling of "discontentment" as something
a - outside of you in your world needs to change or
b - something about you in your inner world needs to change
God gives us opportunities to change all the time.
Change the way we think, the way we are, the way we understand the world.
You don't need to assume this is as good as it gets and that we're not going to be able to do anything to make it better.
I think God wants us to take Him at His word "we are more than conquerors" and stand on our own feet and decide to improve what we are discontent about.
Yes, there are sad and bad things going on in the world.
But as followers of Jesus, we get to DO something about it.
We have the opportunity to change things for the better, all the time.
Ultimately, I want you to take responsibility for your heart and what you choose to meditate on.
Don't be a âDiscontent Debbie" or a "Wallowing Walter!â
It's not what God has for you. I promise.
How about "Determined Debbie" and "Wonderfully Wise Walter"?
And I think it has eternal consequences...
Be a wise gardener of your mind and heart, so that you can have a life and joy that brings honor to Jesus.
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Would you like to improve your marriage?
Are you willing to let the Lord grow in you more of His love, grace, and power in your most important human relationship?
Would you like our help?
If so, schedule a free Clarity call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
To fan the flame of hope, a quote from one of our program graduates:
âDYM [Delight Your Marriage] has been a great blessing to our marriage!
After several years of feeling âstuckâ in patterns in our marriage that left both of us feeling alone, hurt, unheard, and without much hope of any real and lasting change, I have found the material, ministry culture, and most importantly, the faith at work through the team of DYM to be exactly what I needed to take real steps of faith in practical ways that mattered to my wife and our marriage.â
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A man of God, in ministry, spreading the gospel, and without even realizing it, he had allowed his marriage to slip into a transactional relationship.
After being married for nearly thirty years, Mark saw in himself that he was starting to become more grouchy, their connection waned, and his wifeâs physical desire changed as she began to go through menopause. Their four children were âlaunching wellâ but would soon be completely out of the house â changing the home dynamic completely.
All of this put a strain on their marriage. They were now in uncharted territory and he knew he needed help.
Mark felt he needed to lead as the man, but just didnât know how. He had been considering the menâs program for about a year and finally decided to move forward.
Through the program, we were able to help shed light to remove the things that were straining his marriage - going from transactional to selfless- and give him the tools to connect with his wife, even in the midst of all their changes. He finally felt he had the tools to be the man his wife needed him to be, so she could fully trust him and be free around him.
We are so excited to share Markâs transformation story and hope that it resonates with you. If there is anything to take away, it is that you are not alone.
If you are a soon-to-be empty nester, if you're navigating your wifeâs menopause, if you are finding yourself discontent and you donât want to be- we would love to help you too. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
God bless you!
Love,
Belah and team
PS - Like Mark, if youâd like to find out if the menâs program would be your right next step, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call. Maybe youâll be the next success story!
Hereâs another recent graduateâs comments:
Before the Menâs program: âThe emotional disconnection led us to a growing sense of distance. Physical intimacy had always been a regular part of our relationship, but there always seemed to be something missing⊠There was also difficulty about sharing vulnerable feelings and emotions for both of us. It was just a pattern of stuck-ness. Things might improve for a few weeks or months, but we would inevitably feel stuck again⊠All in all we were headed into a pretty 'lifeless' future together, that neither of us wanted or were excited about.â
After: âI find myself actually wanting to know about my wife. The listening skills have helped me to express my interest in ways that she can receive and helped me learn how to receive her more fully⊠I am able to express delight in my wife through compliments more naturally⊠There has been a bit of fun flirtiness that has never been a part of my relationship with my wife⊠I am free from most of my sex-related anxiety. I was constantly worried about when or if we would be physically intimate⊠I don't think I have ever been more intoxicated by her body, while at the same time I see each opportunity to enjoy her as a fabulous gift.I am so free to express my desire for her in ways that she loves hearing, without pressure or expectation, but with authentic desire for her.â
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Tom felt like his marriage was good, but knew it could be better. His wife was his best friend, but he was craving romance and passion in their marriage.
After stumbling upon Delight Your Marriage through a Google Search and taking our free Marital Health Assessment, he realized that the marriage he thought was âgoodâ was actually only just âokayâ and ended up scoring a 5 out of 10 in the Marital Health Assessment (delightyourmarriage.com/health).
He knew it was time for a change, so he signed up, hoping his wife would take the course at some point. Because thatâs what needs to happen⊠right? ;)
Well, Tom found out, like all of our MR Graduates do, that change begins with ourselves.
And as he took the course and began to implement the principles, he in fact, did see a change in his wife!
She became more flirty and playful and the romance and passion that Tom had been wanting finally happened in their marriage after 4 decades!
All because he decided to take the leap, take the Delight Your Marriage course, and truly implement what he learned.
We know that God is in the business of transformation and He LOVES transforming marriages because the impact goes much further than just an individual couple.
Love,
Belah & team
PS -
If you are like Tom and feel like your marriage is pretty good, but also feel like there could be more, we want to invite you to listen to this episode and to take our free Marital Health Assessment (delightyourmarriage.com/health).
PPS - And just the way Tom started, we would love to chat with you on a free Clarity Call! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
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