Afleveringen
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Pastor and counselor Mike Boland shares a story from when he was 15 years old. Itâs a story about the interplay of longing for connection and, at the same time, dreading what will be required of him in return. We talk about grooming, and the war of ambivalence that rages in oneâs body in the midst of abuse. You can find out more about Mikeâs work at therestinitiative.org.
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The opposite of trauma is not "no trauma;" the opposite of trauma is connection. To be human is to be wounded. However, wounds heal naturally when the environment is right⊠and the right environment for healing is the empathic presence of another person. God made our brains and nervous systems to need one another. This is particularly true when it comes to engaging your story. You cannot engage your story alone. Sitting in your favorite chair with a journal, a Bible, a cup of coffee, and a good view out your window is not sufficient to heal your wounds. But the attuned presence of another human being can change your brain.
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Today I focus on two important ways that your body tells you things. The first is through your affect. Whenever your affect becomes dysregulated, your body is letting you know valuable information about your present environment⊠and about your past story. Dysregulation makes implicit memory known. And the second way that your body communicates with you is through impulses. Your body has impulses⊠impulses that it would like you to take more seriously than you probably do.
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You have a story and that story matters. Your story in your family of origin significantly affects the way you think, feel, and act in the world today. This is why Dan Allender says, âIt is time to listen to your story.â What if healing begins by listening to your story? By reflecting onâand engagingâthe experiences in your growing up years, you can better understand why your brain has been shaped in the way that it has. These are the topics that Dan, Cathy, and I explore in todayâs episode. If you want to experience more of the healing power of understanding your own story, join the three of us in Atlanta, GA, on Saturday February 3, 2024, for the StoryWork Conference. The conference will be live streamed if you canât make it to Atlanta. You can register by going to adamyoungcounseling.com. CEUâs are available for therapists.
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Your body knows things that your enskulled brain does not. Moreover, if you listen, your body will tell you important thingsâthings that will help you heal. Your body is a truth teller. It is the trustworthy prophet from within. In todayâs episode, I explain why itâs so important to listen to your body⊠and how to do it.
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Friend and fellow therapist Matthias Roberts joins me today to share a very vulnerable story involving triangulation with his mother. How does an adolescent boy answer his Momâs questions about his homosexuality when Mom is disgusted by it? This is a story about Matthiasâ deep love for God⊠and the torment he felt as a result. We talk about Matthiasâ immense hope that God would âhealâ his sexuality and how he came to feel Godâs blessing rather than shame.
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Therapist and fellow podcaster Vanessa Sadler shares a story from when she was 11 years old. As children, all of us needed to belongâto feel âa part of.â If we did not receive sufficient attunement from our primary caregivers, we likely experienced high levels of loneliness. The dilemma is that it may not have felt like loneliness because it was such a normal part of your life. Vanessa talks candidly about her loneliness growing up, as well as how she came to experience significant healing from that loneliness. You can follow Vanessa on Instagram @abidinginstory.
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I am joined today by therapist Jenny McGrath who is passionate about helping people heal from the damage of purity culture. One byproduct of purity culture is a disconnection from your body and a distrust of your body. If you feel shame about your body, or especially shame about your sexuality, this episode will hopefully help you. For those who want to dive deeper into these things, please consider signing up for Jennyâs Embodied Sexuality course. You can use coupon code âPLACEWEFINDâ to save $60 off the cost of the course.
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Matthias Roberts joins me today to talk about his book Holy Runaways: Rediscovering Faith After Being Burned By Religion. Topics covered include: why belonging is so crucial for each of us, how to trust when youâve been betrayed by others so many times before, and why itâs hard to open ourselves to actually receive care when it is available.
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We pick up with Curt sharing about Coraâs experience in a story group. Specifically, we talk about about why Coraâs intense bouts of panic were her bodyâs way of saying âsomething is wrong and needs care and attention.â We also talk about a woman named Cheyney who experiences deep healing as a result of taking in the acceptance and embrace of other group members in the precise moment when she is feeling intense shame. This is how neural networks get rewired. This is how healing happens. We need other people.
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Curt Thompson returns to the podcast to talk about how we heal from trauma. In short, trauma and emotional pain begin to heal when our stories are witnessed by an empathetic other. Curt shares a story from his newest book about a woman named Cora, who is disconnected from her emotions and finds it very hard to receive care from Curt. Curtâs newest book about suffering and healing is called The Deepest Place.
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Jimmy McGee and Rebecca Wheeler Walston join me to talk about how they came to understand the importance of trauma and story engagement. If you want to engage your story in more depth, the Impact Movement is hosting an online event called Hope and Anchor Story Weekend. This zoom event will take place Sept 30 to Oct 1. You can find out more here.
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I am joined today by my friend Rebekah, who shares a story from when she was six years old. Topics covered include: feeling like there is something wrong with you but not knowing what it is, self-doubt about how you see reality, difficulty trusting your gut, learning to listen to your body and to trust the information that it is giving you.
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Fellow therapist Mary Ellen Owen joins me today to share her journey with sorrow. Like many people with trauma, it took Mary Ellen years to find her tears, years to befriend her sorrow. Although she cognitively knew that grief was necessary for healing, something within her said âhell noâ to feeling the unfelt sorrow. In this final episode in a series on grief and sorrow, Mary Ellen shares how she came to befriend her sorrow. In the words of Fredrick Buechner, âWhenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention. They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are but, more often than not, God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from and is summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go to next.â
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I am joined today by Heather Stringer, who has lots of experience creating rituals that heal. Heather begins by describing two rituals: one focused on recovering from sexual assault and the second focused on preparing for a double mastectomy surgery. Heather and I talk about why ritual is so unfamiliar to many of us, and the healing that occurs when we begin to move our bodies in particular ways, especially when others are present to bear witness to the ritual.
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I am joined by Cathy Loerzel to talk about how to engage another personâs story. Effective story engagement is not a magical skill that some people have and some people donât. It can be learned. Today we give a preview of some of the principles and tactics of effective story engagement. If you want to learn more, consider joining us on Saturday, May 13, for a zoom conference on How to Engage Another Personâs Story. You can sign up here.
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Jay Stringer joins me to talk about the relationship between our current sexual difficulties and our story in our family of origin. Sexual struggles are rooted in our storiesâand, very often, our stories of attachment to our primary caretakers. As Jay puts it, âWhen it comes to sexual struggles, there are always two story lines at play: there is the story line of your present sexual struggles, and then there is the story line of your growing up experiences which set you up for those present sexual struggles.â If you want to explore your sexual story in more depth, please sign up for the Sexual Attachment Conference on May 5-6. You can sign up here.
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In order to heal from sorrow, we need to move our bodies as we participate in rituals of honoring and releasing our sorrow. A ritual is a sequence of bodily movements and symbolic actions performed with emotion and intention for the purpose of healing and transformation. By the end of this episode, I hope you have a good understanding of what a ritual is and why rituals work. And I hope you begin to develop an imagination for how to do rituals, what it actually might look like for you. You can perform a ritual by yourself. However, rituals are more powerfulâand more healing for the communityâwhen others are involved as witnesses to your pain.
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This is part 2 in a series of episodes on how to engage our sorrow and grief in a way that brings healing. The focus today is on the four conditions needed to allow us to work with sorrow and grief. First, we need to own that our sorrows and griefs matter and should be taken seriously. Second, we need to gradually move from a posture of contempt toward our sorrow and grief to a posture of compassion and kindness and welcome. Third, we need to find a few people who can be the village for us⊠this will allow us to risk sharing our sorrow and grief with other people. And, fourth, we need to move our bodies in a way that allows for the integration and release of our sorrow and grief.
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For most modern people, the place we find ourselves is in a land where grief and sorrow are unwelcome. Most of us do not feel like the people around us can bear the depth of our sorrow and grief. And since we donât want to risk our sense of belongingâour sense of acceptanceâwe hide our sorrow and grief. But sorrow and grief are real. In todayâs episode, I identify some of the types of sorrow and grief that we all carry. Then I discuss the immense cost of denying our sorrow/grief and invite you to consider what it would look like to welcome your sorrow and grief and bring it into the light.
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