Afleveringen
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背景音乐
单纯的人 - Point
原创音乐
网易云搜索「Caesarxmw」
Riddle Apple Podcast https://c1n.cn/TIUMa
Riddle 喜马拉雅 https://m.ximalaya.com/album/52712505
Riddle Wechat公众号 「流浪Riddle」
Riddle Instagram https://bit.ly/riddleinsta
Patreon Page https://www.patreon.com/yuanriddle
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《数星星的夜》& 雨中的爱情故事 by Amelia
背景音乐 Caesarxmw - “Obsession", Tracy Chapman - Let It Rain, 艾米里阿 - Let it Rain, Radiohead - True Love Waits
Riddle Apple Podcast https://c1n.cn/TIUMa
Riddle 喜马拉雅 https://m.ximalaya.com/album/52712505
Riddle Wechat公众号 「流浪Riddle」
Riddle Instagram https://bit.ly/riddleinsta
Patreon Page https://www.patreon.com/yuanriddle
数星星的夜
尹东柱
全勇先（译）
季节经过的天空
装满了秋天
我 无忧无虑
仿佛能数清
秋天里所有的星星
可那一颗颗铭刻在心里的星星啊
为什么至今也数不清楚
因为清晨总是很快到来
因为明天还有夜晚降临
因为我的青春还没耗尽
一颗星关于追忆
一颗星关于爱情
一颗星关于冷清
一颗星关于憧憬
一颗星关于诗歌
一颗星关于妈妈 妈妈
妈妈啊，我想对每颗星星都说上一句美好的话：小学同窗们的名字，叫佩、镜、玉的异国少女的名字，还有那些早已成为母亲的小丫头的名字，穷困潦倒的邻居们的名字，那些鸽子、小狗、兔子、骡子、狍子，还有弗朗西斯·雅姆、赖内·马利亚·里尔克这些诗人的名字。我都要轻轻念上一遍。
他们现在都离我太远
犹如天边隐隐的星辰
妈妈啊
您也住在那么遥远的北间岛
此刻 灿烂的星光落满山坡
也不知道我是在想念谁
我写下我的名字
再用泥土把它掩埋
那些彻夜恸哭的虫子啊
是在为使自己蒙羞的名字感到伤心吗？
(1941. 11. 5.)
但是冬天过去
我的星辰上也有春天到来
像墓地上会生出碧绿的草丛一样
在那掩埋我名字的山坡上
漫山遍野的青草
骄傲地生长
별 헤는 밤
윤동주
季節계절이 지나가는 하늘에는
가을로 가득 차있습니다。
나는 아무 걱정도 없이
가을속의 별들을 다 헤일듯합니다。
가슴속에 하나 둘 색여지는 별을
이제 다 못헤는것은
쉬이 아츰이 오는 까닭이오、
來日내일밤이 남은 까닭이오、
아직 나의 靑春청춘이 다하지 않은 까닭입니다。
별 하나에 追憶추억과
별 하나에 사랑과
별 하나에 쓸쓸함과
별 하나에 憧憬동경과
별 하나에 詩시와
별 하나에 어머니、어머니、
어머님、나는 별 하나에 아름다운 말 한마디식 불러봅니다。 小學校소학교 때 冊床책상을 같이 햇든 아이들의 일홈과 佩패、鏡경、玉옥 이런 異國少女이국소녀들의 일홈과 벌서 애기 어마니 된 게집애들의 일홈과、가난한 이웃사람들의 일홈과、비둘기、강아지、토끼、노새、노루、｢ᅋᅮ랑시쓰·쨤｣ ｢라이넬·마리아·릴케｣ 이런 詩人시인의 일홈을 불러봅니다。
이네들은 너무나 멀리 있습니다。
별이 아슬이 멀듯이、
어머님、
그리고 당신은 멀리 北間島북간도에 게십니다。
나는 무엇인지 그러워
이많은 별빛이 나린 언덕우에
내 일홈자를 써보고、
흙으로 덥허 버리엿습니다。
따는 밤을 새워 우는 버레는
부끄러운 일홈을 슬퍼하는 까닭입니다。
(一九四一、十一、五.)
그러나 겨을이 지나고 나의별에도 봄이 오면
무덤우에 파란 잔디가 피여나듯이
내일홈자 묻힌 언덕우에도
자랑처럼 풀이 무성 할게외다。
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Big Sis Hitchhiking in Tibet 大妹西藏搭车 by Vasthi
文章链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/NIcbOh2-PArTe61pVBzIOQ
背景音乐 Caesarxmw - “Obsession"
Riddle Apple Podcast https://c1n.cn/TIUMa
Riddle 喜马拉雅 https://m.ximalaya.com/album/52712505
Riddle Wechat公众号 「流浪Riddle」
Riddle Instagram https://bit.ly/riddleinsta
Patreon Page https://www.patreon.com/yuanriddle
哈喽！我是Vashti, 朋友们都叫我大妹，性格使然加上个高笑声狂饭量大，得此名号，我可喜欢了！认识Yuan还是经由朋友Ellen介绍，说“你俩都在做（我曾经做过）书屋，而且都不约而同地觉得这是件极致浪漫的事”。这可不，咱一拍即合！这家伙还在四撒明信片，我已经收到了一张。又被他说 ‘写篇文吧，稿费是一张明信片’ 轻易地给收买了，于是就有了下面这篇回忆。
Hallo. This is Vashti and all my peeps call me Big Sis. The reasons why I rock this nickname are 1. I laugh loudly and 2. eat a lot. I so dig this name. I know Yuan through our common friend Ellen. She said, "You both tried your own bookstore (me in past tense) and somehow you happen to deem this as extremely romantic." Well, we hit it off right away. This fellow is also spreading postcards here and there and I've already received one. This time he asked me, "Write something for me, will ya? I'll pay you with another postcard." And that was a cheap bribe to get me on the hook. Then such a memoir was penned down.
2016年的初秋，在北京工作的我，邀请爸妈从马来西亚过来成都，一起圆我父亲的西藏梦。他作了一辈子的神职人员，向往各处宗教色彩浓厚的目的地，西藏便是其一。八天的行程，除去高反和家人间的小矛盾，剩下的全是视觉震撼和心灵碰击。
It was early autumn in 2016 and I was working in Beijing. I had invited my folks to Chengdu from Malaysia. Our goal: to realize my old man's Tibetan dream. Devoting his life as a clergy, he yearned for all religious holy lands and Tibet was one of them. Other than altitude sickness and little spats among us, it was a visual spectacle and spiritual shock for this 8-day trip.
与陌生人的故事，发生在世界屋脊珠峰大本营。
The story with a stranger happened at the Everest Base Camp.
我们与同伴乘坐小客车，沿着之字形盘山公路迂回向前，不久我们就从山峦间看到了珠峰的身影。那时大约下午三点左右，珠峰还被云层厚厚地盖住了。大家抵达后在大本营周围活动了一番，就预备返回附近的住处休息。那时云层还未离去，珠峰仍害羞地躲着。略有不甘，我询问了返回住宿的距离（离大本营三公里）后，向导游要求独自留下等云散。导游絮絮叨叨地交代了一些事情后，留下了一句“我懂你的心情”，带着我爸妈和其他小伙伴上车往住宿方向走。
On a minibus with our fellow travelers, we zigzagged forward through the roads in the mountains. Soon the shape of Mount Everest, hidden behind small other mountains, came to our sight. It was around 3 p.m. and Everest was surrounded by thick clouds. After getting to the base camp, we walked about around the camp and then headed back to our hostel. Mount Everest was still being shy among all the clouds. Refusing to be bummed out by his shyness and knowing it was 3 kilometers from my current location to the camp, I asked our guide to let me stay until the clouds vanished. Our guide was pretty wordy about things I should be warned about and left with one comment: "I understand how you feel." She then led my folks and the rest of the gang to the bus, returning to our hostel.
我架起了三脚架，找个舒服的地儿抱着保温瓶席地而坐，目不转睛地盯着珠峰方向。两小时过去了…… 就在天色逐渐暗下来的最后五分钟，突然云散，珠峰现形，一米金色的阳光洒满营地！日暮，落日没入群山，入夜。那时候，独自一人激动地在原地跳阿跳阿，嗯对，就跳了两下，即刻头晕目眩……高反的真实体验用户本人！
I set up my tripod and sat down in a cozy spot, my arms warmed by my thermos bottle and my eyes fixed on Mount Everest. 2 hours passed and the sky darkened. Yet, 5 minutes prior to complete darkness, the clouds suddenly disappeared, showing the true colors of Mount Everest. A beam of golden sunshine scattered across the camp. 5 minutes later, sun set behind the mountains. So evening started. I was jumping up and down on my spot, unleashing my unbridled excitement. Mmmh. Yeah. my unbridled excitement powered merely 2 jumps before my head started spinning. I am a real-life altitude sickness customer!
拾起三脚架，就着一点点的光，开始返回。这时候发现了问题，我压根没法走得快，走三步歇一步。更让我忧心的是，我没法有效呼吸。就是努力深呼吸，也感觉不到氧气进入肺里的畅快。呀... 在平地的三公里和在高原的三公里，我怎么办？边想办法边缓慢地前进。真的超级超级慢，看着手表已经过去20分钟了，我回头还能看见大本营的入口，也就是说我还没走出百米。
With the dim light, I walked back with my tripod. A problem occurred. I was unable to walk fast. 3 steps forward and 1 step for a break. What's more concerning, I couldn't breathe effectively. I tried to inhale, yet failing to feel the sensation of oxygen entering my lungs. Oh, my. 3 k on flatland and 3 k on a plateau, apples and oranges. What can I do? Contemplating that, I trudged forward. I walked so slow that 20 minutes passed, I could still see the entrance of the base when I looked back, which indicated that I walked for merely hundreds of meters.
这时候我在他国搭车的回忆跳进脑海里。“试试吧！在中国土地上，我还没试过搭便车呢。”
At this moment, my mind recollected my hitchhiking experiences in other countries. "Why not? In China, I hadn't tried that yet."
咻~ 一辆车飞驰而过， 我挥动着手臂试图引起注意。“没事！第一辆呢！”
Swoosh...A car flew by. I swung my arms to get its attention. "It's OK. Only car NO.1!"
咻~ 又一辆车经过，我满怀希望看了一眼司机，哎，没看清呢 车走远了...
Swoosh...Another one. I looked at the driver with hope. Sigh, the car went far...
咻~ 再一辆车经过，大拇指在空中有点落寞。“没关系，好事成双，咱双位数开始数，这是第11辆。”
Swoosh...Another one. My thumb in the air felt a bit lonely. "It's OK. Good things come in doubles. Let's start with an even number. This is car NO.11."
咻~ 咻~ 咻~ 咻~ 咻~...Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh...
我已经没有继续数了，因为心情激动导致耗氧更快，我已经累得蹲在路边喘息。这时已经入夜了，我身上没有任何反光的物料，手机也早已没电，但大拇指还是倔强地高高举着。眼眶热热的，嘴唇撇得紧紧的，心里那个慌啊……“我爸妈是不是担心我呀？我是不是今晚要在路边将就一晚了？眼下我是不是要找一块儿看起来舒服一点的地儿躺下休息了？”呼吸不畅好难受……
I lost count. My exciting heart had cost me more oxygens. Hyperventilating, I was so tired that I squatted down beside the road. It was pitch dark and I had nothing to reflect the lights and my phone died. But my thumb was still rising with its strong will. Tears were welled up in my eyes and my mouth went pouty. I was thinking with a heavy heart, "mom and dad must be worried. Should I just make do with sleeping beside the road tonight? Should I find a cozier spot to lie down for the moment? I can't breathe. It's too much..."
哎，我旁边怎么一大阴影，转过去看还有轮胎... 抬头看，黝黑的司机大哥亮着一口大白牙看着我：“唷！你没事吧！上哪去？来，上车吧！” 我...我!! 我搭车成功了!!!
"What? What's up with the shade?" I turned my head and saw a wheel. I looked up and a driver with sun-tanned skin and white teeth stared, "Oy, you all right? Where to? Come, hop on!" I, I, just hitchhiked!!!
四轮驱动车上有司机一名，摄影师一名，还有一对盛装打扮的男女。上车后，我梗咽地说了一下目的地，接着打从心底放松地说了一句 “哎哟喂呀……!!” 把一车人都逗笑了! 司机大哥问我蹲在哪里多久了？摄影大哥笑说远远地看，以为我是长了独角的动物，后来发现那是我高举着的大拇指。女孩特别贴心地倒了半杯温水给我。我简短说了一下我的 “历险”，男孩瞪大眼睛地看着我说 :“你自己一个人，不担心自己被狼叼走吗？”我瞪大眼睛回看着他一句话也说不出来。后来还是司机大哥打破僵局说他是开玩笑的。
On this 4X4 vehicle, there was a driver, a photographer, and a snappy-dressed couple. I told them where I wanted to go and said an "Aiyo...!!" with great relief from the bottom of my heart. It made everyone burst with peals of laughter. Mr. driver asked me how long I'd squatted down there. Mr. photographer thought I was an animal with a unicorn from afar and then realized it was my thumb. The girl poured half a bottle of warm water for me. I briefly told them about my "adventure". The boy looked at me with widening eyes, "You're all alone here. Aren't you afraid that the wolves might get you?" Equalling his widening eyes, I looked at him, tongue-twisted. Then Mr. Driver broke the ice, saying that it was all a joke.
距离不远，不一会儿就把我送到了住宿处。我下车后，要求与他们合影一张。互道一声“扎西德勒”后，挥手送别他们。很可惜，我现在已经找不到我们的合影了。
It didn't take long for me to get to my hostel. After getting off, I asked for a group picture. We bade farewell with a "Tashi Delek". Too bad I can't find that pic now.
我还记得，那天我从门口缓慢回到大家所在的餐馆，就着热茶给我爸妈和小伙伴们说：“我想，我今天被山里的神灵眷顾、保护了。”
I still remember I walked slowly to the restaurant where everyone was dining. With hot tea in my hands, I said to my mom, dad and the gang, "I think, the spirits in the mountains took good care of me today."
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Swansea Cigarette Ladies 斯旺西抽烟的女士 by Via
文章链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/13KjBYsW1EKFBprasIi4ag
背景音乐 Caesarxmw - 森林里, Tears in the Sea, Real Sea, 2019, Soul
Riddle Apple Podcast https://c1n.cn/TIUMa
Riddle 喜马拉雅 https://m.ximalaya.com/album/52712505
Riddle Wechat公众号 「流浪Riddle」
Riddle Instagram https://bit.ly/riddleinsta
Patreon Page https://www.patreon.com/yuanriddle
It was my second day in Swansea and I was going to Rhossili. The bus to Rhossili from Swansea comes every hour. Unluckily, It passed 3 minutes before I arrived at the bus stop for buying some drawing stuff. So I grabbed a coffee and sat outside of the cafe to wait for the bus.
今天是我在斯旺西的第二天，我计划去罗西里海湾。在这个小城，去罗西里的巴士每隔一小时才来一辆，不巧的是，在我买完我忘带的水彩工具到达车站时，它三分钟前刚刚驶过。我便在车站旁的咖啡馆外坐下，要了一杯拿铁。
"Do you mind we sit here if we smoke?" An old lady came and asked."Of course not," I said.
“你介意我坐在这儿吗？我们会抽烟。” 一位年长的女士走过来问。“我不介意。”
To be honest I didn’t hear it clearly because I was doing the sketch. But I never refuse the chance to talk with strangers while traveling. She sat down in the chair diagonally in front of me, took off the mask and put on her sunglasses. Then she took out a cigarette. A moment later, another lady with a cane came out of the cafe.
其实我一开始没有太听清，但是在旅行时我很乐意和陌生人搭话。她在我斜对面的椅子上坐下来，摘下透明面罩然后戴上墨镜，从口袋里抽出一根烟。过了一小会儿，另一位拄着拐杖的女士从咖啡馆里走出来。"Look what she drew!" A vivid voice came from behind.
“看她画的！” 一个声音从我身后传来。
She sat down strenuously, putting her cane aside and taking out her cigarette case. It was a metallic case covered with leather. They lit up the cigarettes.
她有点困难地坐下，把拐杖放在一旁然后也拿出她的香烟盒。那是一个包裹着黑色皮革的金属烟盒。她们点燃了手中的烟。
"Do you live here?" She asked."No, it’s my second day here in Swansea. I’m on holiday. I live in London."
“你住在这儿吗？” 我对面的女士问道。“不， 这是我在这儿的第二天。我正在度假，我住在伦敦。”
"Swansea was not like this when I was a child. It had a lot of shops in the town centre. Now they are all cafes. I'm eighty-seven." She blew out a stream of smoke."You don't seem to be." I started to sketch her sneakingly, looking at her eyes."Age is not a big deal. It's fine because my brain is energetic. I don't want to live forever. That’s scary." She pointed at her head.…
“现在的斯旺西和我小时候完全不一样了。从前在这儿有很多各种各样的商店，现在全变成咖啡馆了。我八十七岁了。”她吐出一口烟圈。“您看起来不像。”我看着她的眼睛，手上悄悄地开始画她的速写。“年龄不是什么重要的事情。我的大脑还充满活力。我才不想活到永远，这太可怕了。”她用手指了指脑袋。…
"You are asking too much, she’s drawing." The lady with sunglasses patted her shoulder. "Actually I'm sketching you… I'm sorry. Do you mind?" I confessed.
“你问的太多了。”戴墨镜的女士拍了拍她的肩吐槽道。“其实我在画您的速写。很抱歉，请问您介意吗？”我坦白了。
She glanced at my paper and pulled a face."Are you capturing my face?""Swansea was destroyed in World War 2…" Back to this topic again. She kept talking about how people were killed and escaped during the war.
她瞟了一眼我的画本，然后做了个鬼脸。“你在画我的脸吗？” “斯旺西在二战的时候被炸毁了…“话题又回到二战了。她讲了很多关于二战在英国的情景。
I was hesitating whether to tell them I was waiting for the bus. I missed my bus again.
我看了一下表，有点犹豫要不要告诉她们我其实在等巴士。我又错过那辆巴士了。
"Am I too noisy?" She asked twice. In the meantime, the lady with sunglasses noticed that I was sketching her and changed her smoking pose just like the models in the fashion magazine.
“我会太聒噪吗？”她问了两次。同时，另一位女士注意到我开始画她，换了一个抽烟的姿势,看起来像时尚杂志里的模特。
"You drew me like a man." She watched my drawing carefully. Both of them have short hair.
“你把我画得像个男人。”她走到我身后仔细看了看我的画。她们俩都是短发。
They finished their coffee and stood up. "I'm glad that we chose to sit at this table to meet you today, Via. We come to grab a coffee from time to time. Hope to see you again." "Don’t forget to add my wrinkles!" The lady with sunglasses said before she left.
她们喝完了咖啡准备离开。“我很高兴我们今天坐在一张桌子上聊天。很高兴见到你Via。我们时不时地就会来这里喝咖啡。希望能再见到你。” “别忘记把我的皱纹画上去。”那位戴墨镜的女士说。
I decided to post postcards during Christmas to this cafe. Maybe the cafe will forward the card to the cigarette ladies can receive them. Who knows?
我决定圣诞的时候给这家咖啡馆寄明信片，有机会的话或许能转交给她们呢。
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背景音乐 Underworld - Born Slippy (NUXX)
《伤心的时候就写首歌》
词：袁丕业 曲：王熹茗
演唱：王熹茗&吉嘉
手握圆盘
飞驰于灰色路面
眼看前方
心中的她
散着皎洁挂在天边
你若细细聆听
伤心的孩子在歌唱
你若睁开双眼
弹琴的孩子在流浪
你若打开心房
微笑的孩子不再惆怅
她说
她说
她说
伤心的时候就写首歌
她说
她说
她说
在野花遍地的草原上
在歌声里，手拉着手，你和我，你和我
在野花遍地的草原上，奔跑着，奔跑着
她说
她说
她说
她说她说她说
手采绿叶
指尖茶香不再留恋
脚下生根
悬崖边独享天地一线
心中无她
墨林绿树退隐田间
你若细细聆听
雨滴在云端早已飘落
你若睁开双眼
思念在眼角化为婆娑
你若打开心房
孤独的娇羞如画似朵
伤心的时候就写首歌
妣说
她说
她说
在野花遍地的草原上
在歌声里，手拉着手，你和我，你和我
在野花遍地的草原上，奔跑着，奔跑着
她说
她说
她说
她说她说她说
-
背景音乐
苏紫旭&The Paramecia - 没有你
HOME - Resonance
Nils Frahm - Ode
Alexandr Misko - Misirlou
刺猬 - 浪花游（环境版） A Spray's Trip(Ambience Version)
荷尔蒙小姐 - 船
Hans Zimmer,Benjamin Wallfisch - Mesa
keshi - bandaids
Riddle Apple Podcast https://c1n.cn/TIUMa
Riddle 喜马拉雅 https://m.ximalaya.com/album/52712505
Riddle Wechat公众号 「流浪Riddle」
Riddle Instagram https://bit.ly/riddleinsta
Patreon Page https://www.patreon.com/yuanriddle
-
Strawberry Banana Smoothie 草莓香蕉奶昔 by Patrick Manno
文章链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/wUrBMfhb2Er48J8EU8BE7Q
背景音乐 Priscilla Ahn - I Don't Have Time To Be In Love, Luke Faulkner,Ian Urbina - Resignation, SOJA,Trevor Young - Things You Can't Control
Riddle Apple Podcast https://c1n.cn/TIUMa
Riddle 喜马拉雅 https://m.ximalaya.com/album/52712505
Riddle Wechat公众号 「流浪Riddle」
Riddle Instagram https://bit.ly/riddleinsta
Patreon Page https://www.patreon.com/yuanriddle
“I want the strawberry banana smoothie,” my son said, pointing at the menu behind the cashier.
“我想要一份草莓香蕉奶昔。”儿子指着收银台后面的菜单说。
It was the first time seeing him since he left to stay with his grandparents a month ago; the three of them just arrived from their seven-and-a-half-hour road trip. The dark green-colored smoothie stand looked a bit sad and isolated compared to the other stands in the food court, but I couldn’t say no.一个月前他离开我们去和爷爷奶奶住，这是我这段时间以来第一次见到他。他们三个人刚刚结束了长达七个半小时的公路旅行。与美食广场的其他店家相比，深绿色的奶昔店显得有点凄冷和孤独，但我无法拒绝儿子。
“One strawberry banana smoothie, please.”“Would you like that regular or large?” asked the cashier.“Regular, please.”
“一份草莓香蕉奶昔，谢谢。”
“中杯还是大杯？”收银员问。
“中杯就行。”
The boundaries of spoilage had to be put back in place, after all. The smoothie arrived and my son wasted no time popping a straw into it and taking a few gulps before handing it off to me. He then went to his grandparents, excited to see if there were any other treats in the area to try. I looked at my wife and we rolled our eyes in sync, then looked down at the smoothie in my hand before taking a sip myself.
毕竟，享乐还是要有节制的。奶昔做好后，儿子迅速的把吸管插了进去，猛喝了几口，就递给我了。他跑到爷爷奶奶那，兴奋的想看看这一带还有没有其他好吃的。我看着爱人，不约而同的翻了个白眼，低头看了看手里的奶昔，自己呷了一口。
“Pretty good, actually,” I said. My wife took a sip and made a slow nod of approval with puckered lips of surprise.
“还成，其实。”我说。妻子啜了一口，惊讶的皱起嘴唇，慢慢的点了点头。
As we were walking down the street I found myself taking sip after sip of the smoothie. Only half was left. Bad Daddy. I hoped my son would be too distracted by other things to notice.
我们走在街上时，不知不觉的，自己一口接一口的喝着奶昔，到最后只剩下一半了。可真是个坏爸爸。我希望儿子的注意力在别处，没注意到没剩多少的奶昔。
Then a little girl holding an ice cream cone walked out of a shop with her parents. My son was the first to notice. He quickly disappeared into the shop, his grandparents on his tail. I took another sip of the smoothie as I followed them in.
突然，一个拿着甜筒的小女孩和她的父母一同从一家商店走出来。儿子是第一个看到这一幕的，很快，他消失在商店里，爷爷奶奶尾随着也跟了进去。我又喝了一口奶昔，走进了这家商店。
It turned out that the shop was actually a hand-crafted chocolate shop that also made its own ice cream. I gave him his space with his grandparents at the ice cream section as I casually perused the chocolates with my wife. She then went to check out the ice cream herself, leaving me alone in the dark chocolate section.
原来这家店其实是一家手工巧克力店，还自制了一些冰淇淋。儿子和爷爷奶奶一起逛着冰淇淋区域，而我则想给他们些空间，就去和爱人随便瞧瞧巧克力。然后她自己去了冰淇淋区，把我一个人留在黑巧克力柜台。
Dark chocolate with pecans, dark chocolate with almonds, dark chocolate with orange peel—it all looked tantalizing. I grabbed some dark chocolate with sea salt. When I looked over at the checkout, I saw my son and dad with big ice cream cones—with even bigger smiles —and heading towards the exit, my mom and wife following behind.
山核桃黑巧克力，杏仁黑巧克力，橙皮黑巧克力——这一切看起来都很诱人。我抓了一些海盐黑巧克力。当我看向收银台时，我看到儿子和爸爸拿着大冰淇淋甜筒——他的笑容更灿烂了——正朝着出口走去，我妈妈和爱人跟在后面。
No more time to look. I headed to the cashier.
没有更多时间再逛了，我径直走向了收银台。
“How are you today?” she asked. She was tall, dark-skinned, and seemed young, but it was impossible to tell with her face mask on.
“I'm well, thank you,” The generic, standard response. “How are you?”
“Doing just fine!” she said. My maskless face gave a gentle yet awkward smile of acknowledgment.
“你今天过得怎么样？” 她问。收银员的个子很高，皮肤黝黑，看上去很年轻，但隔着口罩根本无法看出她的年龄。
“我很好，谢谢你。”一个再普通不过的标准回复。“你怎么样？”
“感觉还挺好！”她说。没有带口罩的我露出了一个温柔却尴尬的微笑。
“What flavor is that?” she asked as she scanned the chocolate.
“I'm sorry?” I heard her and knew what she was referring to.
“Your smoothie, what flavor is it?”
“Oh, it’s strawberry banana.”
“这是什么口味的？”她一边用收银台扫描着巧克力一边问我。
“不好意思？”我听到她的问题，也知道她指的是什么。
“你的奶昔，它是什么口味的？”
“啊，它是草莓香蕉奶昔。”
“That’s a good one!” I could sense a smile under her mask. Then time froze. For a fleeting moment, despite the boundaries of time and space, of mask and counter, she and I shared a shallow yet substantial connection that was, at its core, a palpable affinity between two strangers.
“这个味道好！”我能感觉到她口罩下的笑容，时间就这么凝固了。有那么一瞬间，尽管隔着时间、空间、口罩和柜台的界限，她和我分享了一种浅薄但又充实的连结，这种连结凝聚在两个陌生人之间十分明显的亲近之中。
“Yeah, it is.” I didn’t say it was my son’s, nor asked her what her favorite was. The moment stupefied me.
“没错儿。”我没有说那是儿子的奶昔，也没有问她最喜欢的口味是什么。那一刻让我感到一阵发愣。
I swiped my credit card. When the reader asked me how much I want to tip, I chose twenty percent.
我刷了信用卡。如果读卡器上显示要给多少小费时，我选择了百分之二十。
“Have a good one,” I said to her.
“You too!”
“一天愉快。”我对她说。
“你也是！”
As I walked towards the exit, I took another sip of the strawberry banana smoothie, and it only seemed to taste better.
当我走向出口时，我又喝了一口草莓香蕉奶昔，似乎味道比之前更好了。
-
川藏骑行中相遇的调兵老男孩 D-Town Boys Cycling in Tibet by Yuan
文章链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/IWWkSM9Nwf9KQ55pl_R7Zw
背景音乐 Priscilla Ahn - I Don't Have Time To Be In Love, Luke Faulkner - Life and loss, 昨夜派对（L.N Party)- Love Is The Key, 罗布桑珠,巴金旺甲 - 珠峰天使
Riddle Apple Podcast https://apple.co/3tl9UBf
Riddle 喜马拉雅 https://bit.ly/riddleximalaya
Riddle Wechat Blogs https://bit.ly/riddlewechat
Riddle Instagram https://bit.ly/riddleinsta
Patreon Page https://www.patreon.com/yuanriddle
"You, son? From Diaobingshan as well? No way!!"
“大侄儿你也是调兵山的？真滴吗！！”
I grew up in a very small town called Diaobingshan in the Northeastern part of China. If you have a hard time picturing where that is, then you're not alone. Well, to make your geology mind at peace, I'm going to point you in a general direction of where my hometown is: it's not far from the border of North Korea.
我童年在调兵山——一个东北小镇长大。如果你不知道这个地方在哪，其他人也不知道。得嘞，为了让你们的大脑少受点地理题的刺激，我来简单的指一个大方向吧：我的家乡省份离中朝边境不算远。
Now, back to the conversation at the beginning of the story. It was the summer of 2019. My daredevil buddies Xunxun, Xiaomao and the less daredevil-minded yet strong-minded I embarked on one of the most physically challenging trips in our lives: riding a bicycle through the Tibetan Plateau to our "mecca"--Potala Palace in Lhasa. Yes, you heard it right and it sounds just as crazily challenging as it was in reality, if not even more. En route to Lhasa, we had to bike for 2100 km and climb 13 mountains, all of which are over 4,000 meters high.
那么我们回到一开始的对白。那是2019年的夏天。我热衷于冒险的挚友寻迅和小猫拉着不太擅长冒险、但却意志力十足的我开始了我们人生中最有挑战的一次旅行：骑自行车穿越青藏高原，到达我们的圣地——拉萨的布达拉宫。对，你没听错。这听起来和现实中的骑行一样的疯狂和挑战，这么说甚至似乎有点保守了。在去拉萨的路上，我们要骑行2100公里，爬13座山，这13座山的海拔都超过了4000米。It was Day 13 and we had “merely” 900 km to go. Admittedly, the sceneries alongside the 318 Route were out of this world. However, the trip was starting to take a toll on me: sour thighs and a numb mind were just the appetizers of this entire 13-mountain-course meal (I can't speak for Xiaomao as he rode past me every day with a smug face).
那一天是第十三天，我们的前方仍有900公里的“路漫漫其修远兮”。不得不承认的是，318国道沿途的景色美不胜收。可这次骑行开始有点让我吃不消了，酸痛的大腿和麻木的神经只是我们的漫长旅程的前菜（这话可不能代表小猫，因为猫哥每天超越我时都带着一脸的轻松和得意）。
Xunxun, Shiulai--another riding buddy, and I were trudging up Dongda Mountain in Qamdo, the highest mountain we'd faced thus far, 5103 m. When I say "trudging up", I meant we moved like snails with a "whopping" speed of 5 k/h with intermittent breaks of catching our breaths. 10% of our breaths were taken away by the humbling view of the Tibetan Plateau, the other 90% by the altitude sickness.
寻迅、另外一个骑行伙伴小赖和我一步一个胎印儿的爬着位于左贡的东达山，我们迄今为止要面对最高的山峰，5103米。我这儿的“一步一个胎印儿”指的是我们骑行的速度像蜗牛一样，速度达到了惊人的5公里/小时，中间还时不时的得停下来休息，喘口气儿。青藏高原让人谦卑的景色夺走了我们10%的气息，其他90%被高原反应给拿走了。
"Great. It's gonna be a looooonnnng day and my souring ass would be so 'relieved'." My taciturn sarcasm came out of nowhere. I shared a look with Xunxun and Shiulai and was pretty sure they were telling themselves the very same thing.
“真不错。今天又是漫长的一天，我屁股酸的不亦乐乎的。”我沉默的挖苦细胞突然冒了出来。我看了看寻迅和小赖，很确信，他们心里也是这么想的。
So we rode for 20 minutes and rested for 10. Rode for another 20 and rested for another 10. The routine just stuck around. Yet, the zenith of Dongda mountain still seemed unrealistically far away. We couldn't even see it as it was hidden behind the zigzagging road and the mountain ridges. Our last visual hope was even bereft.
所以我们骑20分钟，休息10分钟，再骑20分钟，再休息10分钟。就这么形成了一个套路。但是东达山的垭口看起来还是那么的遥不可及。我们甚至连看都看不到垭口，因为它藏在曲折的盘山路和山脊后。我们最后的“视觉”上的希望也被剥夺了。
As we were probably taking the 10-minute break for the 20th time, two uncles who looked like in their 50s rode past us like a breeze (it couldn't be "ride past us like a wind" as the uphill was still pretty steep for human beings). "If I were half as fit as they are now when I am 50, I'd be over the moon," I told myself.
大概在我们休息的第20次，两个看起来50岁左右的大叔像微风一样超越了我们（这里说是“微风”是因为上坡路对于普通人类来说还是很陡峭的，所以是“像微风一样”，而不是“像风一样超越了我们”）。“我50岁的时候要是身体有他们一半好，我得乐不得了，”我自言自语道。
Suddenly, three Chinese characters on their cycling pants, the characters I'm so familiar with, caught my stunned eyes. It was "Diao Bing Shan", the name of my hometown! In fact, over my short 30-odd-year life, I've never stumbled upon another D town homie outside my hometown. And the first time was in Tibet?! I'm not kidding, but it feels like the universe puts us 3 D town boys there to inject hope in my exhausting mind and souring muscles.
突然，他们骑行裤上面的三个字儿，三个让我再熟悉不过的字儿，让我惊诧不已。上面写着“调兵山”，我家乡的名字！事实上，在我短短的30岁生命里，我从来没有在外乡遇到过调兵老乡。第一次居然是在西藏？！我没开玩笑，但是感觉就是老天把我们三个调兵老男孩安排在骑行路上见面，给予了我疲惫的大脑和酸痛的肌肉一丝希望。
I ran up as fast as I could to catch up with them while yelling in my rusty hometown dialect, "Uncs! Me from Diaobingshan as well!" They stopped, looked surprised at me, then gave me the response at the beginning of the story with an equally surprising yet amicable tone.
我赶紧跑过去，追上了他们，用我已经不太熟络的东北方言喊着，“大爷，我也调兵滴。”他们停下了蹬踏的脚步，惊讶的看着我，然后就有了故事一开始的对白，他们的乡音听起来是那么的充满惊喜和亲切。
We talked for a while and took a selfie. And they took off again like a breeze. I later found out on social media that these uncles were the rock stars in the biking community. Both of them are retired miners and they ride around 10,000 km across China every year. When I'm writing this story, they're still on the road, riding their experienced bicycles to see the world.
我们聊了一会儿，拍了张自拍。然后他们就又像微风一样骑走了。后来，我在骑行的社交软件上发现这两位大爷是骑行圈里的大牛。他们两个从煤矿退休后每年都会在全国骑行1万公里左右。当我写这篇文章时，他们仍在路上，骑着他们心爱的、见过大场面的自行车去看世界。
So there you go. A strangers' story where three Diaobingshan boys met in Tibet. And I dedicate this story to those two uncles and all the cyclists out there for their physical grit and their beautiful minds.
所以，这个故事分享给你。一个三个调兵陌生老男孩相聚在西藏的故事。这个故事也谨献给这两位大爷以及所以在路上的骑行者，献给他们的不屈的体魄和美丽的心灵。
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致敬中央公园的街边诗人To A Street Poet in Central Park by Yuan
文章链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/LRMNVwllxLT-0sv1K0XR4w
背景音乐 阿斯豆 - Lettres à Nelson Algren，昨夜派对（L.N Party)- Love Is The Key
Riddle Apple Podcast https://apple.co/3tl9UBf
Riddle 喜马拉雅 https://bit.ly/riddleximalaya
Riddle Wechat Blogs https://bit.ly/riddlewechat
Riddle Instagram https://bit.ly/riddleinsta
Patreon Page https://www.patreon.com/yuanriddle
Before you read about this new stranger talent I met in New York. Allow me to take a deep breath and read the two following poems for you.
在你开始读我在纽约新遇到的这位陌生天才之前。请允许我深呼吸一下，为你读出以下两首诗。
Whole, Again
再一次，完整
By Ruben 鲁本
Love lost, or love found
爱，丢掉；爱，又或重拾
how I can tell is beyond
我能所识
any thoughts
超越所想
any conceptualization of
超越那些
expectations have left me
对离开而去的期待之解释
feeling like I need
感觉我需更多
more but some how less
但也要更少
I took a flight
我飞离
in the pursuit of curiosity
追寻自己的好奇
the purest of pursuits
好奇中的好奇
one of love
爱的
adventure
奇遇
looking for more
寻觅更多
starting where I know
开始于我熟悉之地
it once was
那曾是
once was in your eyes
曾是你的双眸
once was your head on my pillow
曾是我枕边上你的头
once was the way you hummed
曾是你哼唱的歌声
tucking your hair behind your ear
曾是你藏在耳后的黑丝
so I took off
我逃跑
took flight
我飞离
in pursuit of love
追寻爱
how was I supposed to know
我如何知道
I'd find so much more
我会找到如此之丰盈
a journey into the self
朝向自己内心的旅行
where I once drowned
曾经的所溺之水
I now swim
如今我游泳前行
I came for you
我为你而来
found myself instead
却找到自己
I need more
我需要更多
and got more than I could imagine
所得，超越我能想象之边界
returning me back to me
把自己还给自己
where books in my aisle remind me
廊边的书籍提醒
where their spines reveal
书脊所揭示之地
where the mirror
镜中
shows me the man
映着那个
I once knew
我曾经熟悉的人
where the mirror has
镜子的眼睛
the sore eyes
酸痛不已
or reading into the night
或向着黑夜深深望去
Love lost,
丢了爱
so I may be found. 所以，找回了自己
12/28/21@Central Park
致鲁本 To Ruben
by Yuan
孤寂的诗人
A lonely quiet poet
人潮熙熙攘攘
amidst comings and goings of people
冬日的阴暗
The cloudy winter day
感伤的琴声
The sad music of strings
枯黄的落叶
The yellow autumn leaves
也只不过是陪衬
Are nothing but ornaments
陪衬着诗人的五彩世界
matching poet's five-color world
映衬着诗人的五蕴皆空
mirroring poet's five-Skandhas-emptiness
孤寂的诗人
A lonely poet
独孤
lonely with no others
静寂
quiet with no sounds
2021.12.28
@Central Park
I met Ruben in Central Park. His sky blue typewriter and amazing beard immediately caught my eyes. In front of him, a hardboard said "PICK A TOPIC, GET A POEM".
我是在中央公园遇到的鲁本。他的天蓝色打字机和超炫的胡须立刻就引起了我的注意。在他面前，一块硬纸板上写着“选一个主题，我为你写一首诗”。As a fellow poet, I couldn't hide my excitement when I read these words for two reasons: 1. in spite of how poetry nowadays has been underrated, someone is doing it on the grassroots level; 2. I could do this with Riddle in different languages back in China, too!
作为同行诗人，当我读到这句话时，我无法掩饰自己的兴奋。原因有两个：一是尽管现在的诗歌一直被低估，但仍然还有人在草根的位置做这件事；二是在中国我也可以用不同的语言和Riddle一起来做这件事！
Well, I sort of did it too here already as the poem "To Ruben" above was written ad lib on the spot, side by side with Ruben. And the poem he wrote for me after I gave him the first line, "love lost, or love found", was just like a poem I could write for myself. Suddenly, our communication was beyond what words could describe. We later talked about how we both hide our emotions and energies behind words or any other literary devices poets use to entertain the common readers.
好吧，其实我在那儿也已经这样做了，因为上面那首“致鲁本”就是我坐在Ruben旁边时，当场即兴创作的。而他为我写的那首诗“失去的爱，或找到的爱”，我只告诉了他诗的第一行应该怎么写，但整首诗就好像我为自己写的一首诗一样。瞬间性地，我们的交流超出了言语所能描述的范畴。我们之后还共同谈论如何将我们的情感和能量蕴藏在文字里面，或者诗人用来娱乐大众读者的其他文学的修辞手法里面。
Ruben had been writing poems in Central Park for only 3 months. Let's all hope when you come to New York, Ruben is still writing poems on this spot every now and then, and let's also hope someday, the poet Ruben could enjoy his loneliness with some good company.
鲁本在中央公园写诗只有三个月。让我们一起希望，当你来到纽约的时候，鲁本他仍然时不时地在这里写诗，也希望有一天，诗人鲁本能和一些好伙伴一起享受他的孤独。
Ruben's Instagram: rdescapado鲁本的ins: rdescapado
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一封告別愛人的信 by 匿名姑娘
原文链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/jW9Ui6N9IVm68LWqHazJfA
背景音乐 Cinema Paradiso Love Theme시네마 천국, 러브테마, 王梓轩 - 碰不上会更美
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亲爱的:
Dear
你好哇，见字如晤:
Hiya, hope my words find you well.
首先请你原谅我突兀而又亲呢的称呼。
First, please forgive my sudden and intimate manner of addressing you.
现在是凌晨2点，我坐在石鼓路街边的长椅上，百无聊赖，吞下最后一口没了泡儿的橘子汽水。天气有点儿凉，玩具店的橱窗里的发条姑娘依旧在旋转，暗黄的暖光打在她的裙子上，锆石折射出的彩光那么耀眼美好，但空调外机发出的噪音盖过了歌声，间或又夹杂着这座城市中不眠者的笑声。夜晚似乎也没那么宁静，就像我的心一样。我埋头编辑这封不知如何传达的信。此时你睡着了吗？是否似一只安详的猫，蜷着身子，暂时忘记了日间的乏倦。
It's 2 o'clock in the morning. I am sitting on the bench at Shigu road. Extremely bored as I am, I swallow the last sip of the orange juice. Not fizzy anymore. It's a bit nippy out here. The wind-up girl toy in the closet of the toy store is still spinning. Dimmed yellow light is reflected on her diamond dress, sparking an iridescent glitter. Yet the noise from the AC external unit drowns out the music, mixed with waves of laughter from the sleepless souls in this city. The night doesn't appear that quite, like my heart. As for me, I immersed myself in editing this letter I don't know how to send. Are you asleep at this moment? Are you curling into a ball like a peaceful cat, forgetting your daytime tiredness for now?
晚饭结束后，你领着我沿着海岸慢慢地走，还笑着打趣，提醒我记得脱掉鞋袜，赤脚走在沙子上，这样可以更好的融入这片海。我笑而不语，但依旧照办。你问我对于未来有什么打算，我把手插进裤兜儿，直言时候未到，是啊，时候未到。但我们真的还有好多年吗？
After dinner, you took me to the seashore. Walking slowly, you jokingly reminded me to lose my shoes and socks, and walk barefooted so that we could be a part of the ocean. I said nothing but smiled and followed suit. You asked me where I see myself in the next few years. Hands in my pocket, I said bluntly that it was not the time. Yes, not the time. But do we really have many years to come before us?
我想给你讲个故事，但它太长了，有一千零一夜那么长，不吃不喝，讲个三天三夜都未必会有结果；所以我想我可以长话短说，我喜欢你，从始至今。我一直记得我在校舍楼下见到你的第一眼，五月的阳光穿过树叶间碎碎的间隙照到你的头发上，星星点点，你眉眼弯弯，走向我，周遭的喧闹似乎都在那一刻静止。我手足无措，脑海里映出十个字---与君初相识，犹如故人归。我甚至忘记里基本礼仪，只顾着脸红，连一个礼貌的招呼都没有打，全然忘记我们上一秒还只是网聊多日的好友。你自然的牵起了我的手，掌心传递上来的柔软与温暖，刺激着我的中枢神经，我恍惚间从你的眸子里看到了遥远的未来，温暖的深蓝，还有那高亢嘹亮的鲸歌。
I want to tell you a story. But it's too long. As long as One Thousand and One Nights. I won't get to the end of it even if I tell it for three days and nights straight with no food or drinks. So, long story short is my plan. I've liked you since the very beginning to this day. I'd always remember the first time I laid my eyes on you down at the dorm. Beams of May's sunshine shoot through leaves' gaps, leaving scattered sparks on your hair. You with your curling eyebrows were walking towards me. The surroundings came to a sudden halt. I didn't know where to put my hands or my feet. Only this sentence dawned upon me: the first encounter with you is a reunion with an old lover. With two burning cheeks, I forgot the basic manners, not even saying hi to you. I totally forgot that we'd been talking online for days. You held my hands naturally. The softness and warmth from the touch of your palm sent stimuli rushing to my central nerves. Suddenly, from your eyes, I saw a distant future. A future where I could see the warm depth of blue and hear the resounding songs by the whales in the sea.
但这只是我幻想的版本，符合描述者对初恋的所有向往。但事实却是，我想你了，我来到你的城市，到了之后轻描淡写的打电话告诉你，我去找朋友，顺道儿来瞅你一眼，你得请我吃沙茶面。电话那边，你先是一顿，随即轻笑出声，连声道好，但得等你做完比赛。也不知道你有没有隔着无形的电话感受到我那极力压制的颤抖的声线和红透了的脸颊与耳根。
But this is what I'd disillusioned. It fits everything I long for from my first love. But the fact is that I miss you. I came to your city. I called you, saying lightly I came here to visit another friend and since you were here, I wanted to see you as well. I requested a treat of Shacha noodles from you. From the other end of the phone, you paused, then let out a soft laugh and many yeses. But not until you finished with your contest. Through the virtual telephone connection, I don't even know whether or not you could sense my trembling voice and my blushing cheeks and earlobes which I tried my very best to keep under control.
挂了电话后，我百无聊赖，游荡于学村之中，这个地方那么大，又那么小。大到我害怕无法在人群中一眼看到你，小到你一眼望到胆怯又没准备好捧哏逗唱的说辞的我。一颗心如同坐了滑翔机从高空突然俯冲而下，惊觉世界真小，还有几个小时，我就能见到你了。
After hanging up, I had nothing to do but wander through this village. This place is so big and so small. So big that I feared that I could spot you in the crowd. So small that I feared that you could see the shy me who was nowhere ready to retort your jokes. My heart was swooshing down like a glider, wondering what a small world it was. Within a few hours, I could see the real you.
我的心像琴弦一样绷得紧紧的，你一出现，它就不住地奏鸣。那些操练了无数次的说辞和自认为完美的微笑也抛之脑后，我太紧张了，我猜我表现的一定很蠢。不过谢谢你，你的确如我想的那般温柔。没有客套的寒暄，没有牵手，我们穿过一条条街巷，听你讲过去的故事，你的初恋，那个一辈子住在你心里的女孩儿。你是看见我眼里的光了吗？或是其他，我不知道，但我真的很难过，胃里酸酸的，我慌乱的抓住裙角，想要逃离，路边的树枝摇曳，我的心底下了无数场雨。
也许，是时候说再见啦。
My heart was tense like strings on a guitar. Upon your appearance, it couldn't help playing its music. As for the words rehearsed so many times and my self-claimed perfect smile, I put all of them behind me. I was such a nerve rack. I guess I must've looked so stupid. But I still want to say thank you. You were as gentle as I expected. No formalities of chitchats. No hand-holding. We meandered through alleys after alleys. I listened to your past stories, your first love, the girl who lives in your heart forever. Did you see the lights in my eyes? Or something else? I don't know. But I was really sad. My stomach churned. I held a tight grip on the sides of my dress, wanting to flee. On the roadside, branches of trees were dancing while it was raining heavily in my heart. Maybe, it was time to say goodbye.
时间过得真快啊，以后也唯有默默在朋友圈看到你的成长了，偷偷从好友那里隔三差五尽量不着痕迹的打探着关于你的零星消息。想想也惘然：我们都在这个凡世共同度过二十余年的时光，呼吸间充斥着尘土的腥气，头顶是同一个残月、满月、又残月，也许从未看过同一朵云，但一定看过同一片天。最后不同的是，在这个悲伤的故事最后，你像水中鱼，跃进更广阔的天地；我像笼中鸟，困在这狭窄的钢铁丛林。天时，地利，人和，一样都没有占到。也许命运注定让我默默爱慕、仰慕、羡慕着你。
How time flies. I guess in the future, I can only quietly follow how you've grown from your Wechat moments. I occasionally and secretly asked for your news from my friends, trying my best to hide my intention. After some thought, it was nothing but a resigned disappointment: we've lived in this ordinary world together for more than 20 years. Stinks of dirt fill our breathing air; waning moon, full moon and waning moon again hover above our heads; we may not have seen the same cloud, but definitely have seen the same sky.
你不爱我，我也不愿你俯身相就。
You don't love me. I don't want you to settle for me, either.
我对你的心灵来说，无论是相隔无数的山川峡谷，还是在我们的目光只有一线之隔，其实，都是同样的遥远。
Me to your heart and soul, no matter they are mountains and rivers away or our eyes are just one line away. They are equally far away from each other.
窃用很俗的一句话：你是我一生中最爱的人，但是你却从来不知道我是谁，爱你与你无关。就像Rick and Morty中说的那样，也许平行宇宙中有无数个你我，虽然我无法进行时空穿梭，但我依旧虔诚，也许在瑞城，我们能有一个美好的结局。
A cliche I'll borrow here: you're the love of my life, but you never know who I am. Loving you has nothing to do with you. Like in Rick and Morty, there are innumerable versions of me and you in parallel universes. Though I can't travel through times or space, I'd keep praying that in Ruicheng, we'd have a perfect ending.
我要回去了，抱歉我无法赴约明早的早餐，也不想跟你好好的告别。我永远有说不完的舍不得，永远都想再多留一会，再多留一会。可是留不住。留不住的话，就祝你阳光明媚，前程万里吧。想和你一起做的事情，我一个人也可以好好做。最好的告别，是向前看，开始新生活。我不会哭，也希望你不会忘了我，我会去旅行，看日出日落，看海东青划过天边，看康巴篝火盛宴，再见了，我曾深爱的男孩，再也不见了，我的男孩。
I'm going back. I'm sorry I can't keep the promise of going to breakfast tomorrow with you. I don't want to say goodbye to you. There's no way to count how many attachments I have and for ever, I'd always want to keep them longer, keep them more. But they're not meant to be kept. If so, allow me to wish you a sunny path ahead. Things I want to do with you, I can do them well by myself. The best goodbye is to look forward and start a new life. I won't cry and I hope you'll never forget me. I'll go traveling, see how the sun rises and sets, see Gyrfalcon fly across the sky, see the banquet around a bonfire in Khampa. So long for now, the boy I deeply loved. So long for never, the boy of mine.
回见
@匿名
Best,
@Anonymous.
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致敬一行禅师——在禅师的Blue Cliff Monastery遇到可爱的陌生人们 by Yuan
原文链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/YqB9kB6rWNHESFpxvfAP0A
背景音乐 Ólafur Arnalds - Epilogue, a-Pav - Pavonis ~ Piano Collection, 薬師寺寛邦,キッサコ - 般若心经 (chorus ver.)[中文版]
Riddle Apple Podcast https://apple.co/3tl9UBf
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The last day of 2021 for me was a rainy day. I left New York City by myself. My physical destination was Blue Cliff Monastery, a meditation center established by Thay Thich Nhat Hanh in update New York. He was a great Buddhism master from Vietnam. If you’re not familiar with this name in Vietnamese, you’d either know his famous book Old Path, White Cloud in China or his name Shi Yi Xing in Chinese (Yi Xing literally means “one action” in Chinese).
2021年的最后一天，对于我来说是一个雨天，我一个人离开了纽约市。我的目的地是蓝崖寺，这是Thich Nhat Hanh在纽约上州设立的冥想中心。Thich Nhat Hanh是一位伟大的越南佛教大师，如果你不熟悉这个名字的越南语，你应该会知道他的名著《故道白云》（或译为《佛陀转》），或者知道他的中文法号释一行（Nhat Hanh是“一行”的意思）。
On my way to the great master’s zen place, I was nowhere near the word ZEN. Like I said before, my physical destination was Blue Cliff. Yet I was lost in trying to find my spiritual home. Three things led to my loss.
在去大师禅堂的路上，我离“禅”这个字还非常的远。就像我之前说的，我的目的地是蓝崖寺，然而，我在试图寻找我精神家园时却迷失了方向。有三件事导致了我的失败。
First, I was so ready to be home-bound after seeing the person I want to see in New York and saying what I want to say. Yet, due to the rampant break of Omicron, the flights back to China were either canceled or way too expensive for me to afford. My heart was already sent away from where I was then. But physically, I was trapped in New York.
第一，我在纽约见到想见的人并说出想说的话之后，就已经准备好回家了。然而，因为奥密克戎的猖獗，回家计划被迫中断，回中国的航班要么被取消，要么就是太贵负担不起。我的心其实已经离开了当时所在的地方。但在身体上，我被困在了纽约。
Second, I was having a fever with a severe headache and runny nose. All symptoms were suggesting that I was possibly a recent victim of Omicron, a new variant of COVID-19 that was raging in New York. Even though the testing kit told me I was negative, I couldn’t control my paranoid mind to go to crazy town, pessimistically ruminating “What if this? What if that?” and concluding that I was nothing but a liability.
其次是，我发烧了，并伴有剧烈的头痛和流鼻涕。所有症状都表明我应该是奥密克戎的受害者，这是一种在纽约肆虐的新冠变种病毒。尽管新冠自测棒的结果是阴性，但我还是控制不住偏执地疯狂幻想，悲观地思考“如果真得了，咋办呢？万一呢？”，最后的结论是自己什么也不是，只是一个累赘。
Third, on my way to Blue Cliff, I missed a transit bus from Newburgh to Middletown. I was too shy to ask for help and was too cheap to take a taxi to the monastery. I trapped myself in this realistic dilemma. In fact, I was on time for the bus. It was the bus driver that didn’t see me in the stop, so it ran off on me with no mercy to my soaked clothes, my fever-laden head, and my drenched heart. So missing that bus was the last straw that breaks the camel’s back. I was left by everybody. There was the only thing left on my mind—the scariest thing of one’s life, despair. Oh, also, I broke my glasses. So I was half-blind. It was like the universe was working against me.
第三，在去蓝崖寺的路上，我错过了从纽堡到米德尔顿的中转巴士。我太害羞而根本不敢寻求帮助，并且又吝啬于打车费，我把自己困在这个两难之境。但事实上，我是准时在等车的。但是巴士司机并没有看到在车站等车的我，毫不留情地一脚油门走了，留下我湿漉漉的衣服、发烧的脑袋和湿透的心。错过那辆巴士是压垮我的最后一根稻草，我好像被所有人抛弃了，我脑子里只剩下一个东西——人生中最可怕的东西：绝望。哦，还有，我的眼镜还被我弄坏了，所以我是半盲着的，就好像整个宇宙都在与我作对。
Tears flooded my eyes. To this day, I was still befuddled by how I chose to beat myself up like this, especially considering I was basically a homeless couch surfer for the last two years in China. I was well trained in making the best of what comes to me in life, no matter it’s mishaps or good fortunes. Yet, on the other shore of the Pacific, in that bus stop in New Burgh, I turned myself into another person. A person I sympathize towards to the point of despising him at the same time.
泪水淹没了我的眼眶。直到今天，我仍对我为何选择这样虐待自己感到困惑，特别是考虑到我在中国的过去两年基本上是一个无家可归的沙发客。我受过良好的训练，随遇而安于生活的一切起伏是我最擅长不过的了，无论是霉运，还是好运。然而在太平洋的彼岸，在纽堡的巴士站，我完全把自己变成了另一个人，一个我同情到鄙视他的人。
Now, let’s fast forward. 10 days later. As I was making one first step out of Blue Cliff Monastery and thinking about who I’d become, the crybaby in the above paragraphs was gone. To be more exact, he was resting in peace. How? I pay my tribute to lots of strangers I have met and haven’t met at Blue Cliff, including Thich Nhat Hanh.
现在，让我们快进吧。十天后。当我迈出蓝崖寺的第一步，想着我会成为什么样的人时，上面几段中的爱哭鬼早已经消失不见。更准确地说，他安详的睡着了。怎么做到的呢？于此，我要向我在蓝崖寺认识的和未曾谋面的许多陌生人致敬，包括一行禅师。
…
Like I said before, en route to the monastery, I was in pretty shitty shape (Sorry for my vulgar choice of words. I rarely curse in my writing. But that’s exactly how I was. Shitty.). Yet, I managed to get myself there in spite of my broken glasses, drenched heart, and a head-spinning fever.
就像我之前说的，在去修道院的路上，我的身体屎一般的糟糕（对不起，用词粗俗。我很少在写作中说脏话。但我真的是如此糟糕）。然而，尽管我的眼镜坏了，心脏湿透了，发烧了，我还是让自己最终成功到达寺院。
The first person I met was Jean. I talked to her on the phone before. She had a very soothing voice in explaining why they consider my application for a scholarship here (The monastery charges one visitor 40 dollars per night for accommodation and food. And they offer scholarships for people who have special cases. I was on a tight budget, so I applied for the scholarship.). While reading the part I came to New York for love in the application letter, she let out a cute laugh. To me, her laugh was telling me, “Yeah. We’ve all been there”. She, in person, was an accurate personification of that laugh, understanding my struggles and helping me settle down in the dormitory. The second I laid my head on my new bed, I could finally find a hint of peacefulness in my world. Still homeless, yet one inch nearer my spiritual home.
我遇到的第一个人是吉恩，我之前和她通过电话。在解释我的补助金申请时，她的声音非常舒缓（寺院向每位访客收取每晚 40 美元的住宿和伙食费，并为有特殊情况的人提供补助金。我的预算很紧张，自然申请了补助金）。她一边读着申请信中我为爱来到纽约的故事，一边发出可爱的笑声。对我来说，她的笑声告诉我，“是的，我们都经历过。”她本人的样子就是那个笑声的准确化身，理解我的痛楚，并帮我在宿舍安顿下来。当我把头靠在床上的那一刻，我终于在我的世界里找到了一丝平静。虽然仍无家可归，但我离我的精神家园更近了一点点。
After settling down, I gave myself a tour around the monastery. The monastery was located in a very serene forest. My ears, getting used to the rowdy New York, could actually hear sounds that you’d have ignored, like the sound of falling leave, whistling of the wind, footfalls of some wild animals. Speaking of wild animals, I met some dears around my dorm cabin on my first day here. They were scared by my sudden presence at first. But we got along after returning their "welcome" by feeding one of them. I sent the picture of them to a friend. She said she’d dreamed about them before. I lost sight of them for several days there. One day, the very same friend surprise visited me with medicine and fruits because I’d been sickened by a fever for several days. On the same day, the deers showed up again.
安顿好之后，我一个人参观了寺院。修道院坐落在一片非常宁静的森林中。我的耳朵，习惯了喧闹的纽约，但在这儿可以听到你会忽略的各种声音，比如落叶声，风的呼啸，一些野生动物的脚步声。说到野生动物，我第一天来宿舍就遇到了一些小鹿。起初它们被我的突然出现给吓到了。但在喂养其中一只小鹿，以回报它们的“欢迎仪式”之后，我们相处得很好。我把它们的照片发给了朋友，她说她以前梦见过它们。之后的好几天，它们不见了踪影。有一天，这位朋友突然给我送来了药和水果，因为我已经发烧好几天了。就在那同一天，鹿儿们才再次出现。
…
All the routines in the monastery were practiced to help you go back to yourself and find mindfulness and peacefulness. The clock will ring a bell every 15 minutes, a reminder for everyone to go back to their inner selves. So on hearing the sound of the bell or the singing bowl, everyone will stop talking or walking and spend some seconds being with themselves. Mindful Sangha meals will be served and eaten in silence so that you can feel every chew of the delicious food in your mouth and appreciate such a dietary blessing from Mother Nature. Walking and sitting meditations are led by monastics for lay friends every day. We sing songs together or chant sutras together before each session.
寺院里的整个日程都是为了帮助你回归自我，找到正念与平静。时钟每十五分钟会响一次，提醒每个人回归内心。因此，当听到钟声或歌声时，每个人都会停止说话或走路，花几秒钟与自己相处。在正念僧餐时，所有人会在止语中食用餐食，你会感受到每一口美味的食物在嘴里被细细咀嚼，并感恩于自然母亲恩赐的食物。僧侣每天为居士主持行禅和坐禅。每次行禅之前，我们都一起唱歌或念经。
On my first day here, I met Luc, a young Chinese French filmmaker who lives in New York now. His long hair in a bun, baggy pants, and round glasses made him look like a brother of mine. His slow mannerism and soft words manifest great peacefulness. We exchanged some small talks and life stories. Thanks to Luc, I was already feeling that my lonesome soul was starting to stop fidgeting and letting itself get back on its road to its spiritual home. You’d often find Luc volunteering in the kitchen all the time, which motivated me to volunteer in the kitchen in later days as well.
第一天到这儿的时候，我遇到了卢克，一位现居纽约的法国华裔的青年电影人。他的长发、宽松的裤子和圆眼镜让他看起来像我的兄弟，他缓慢的举止和柔和的语言表现出极大的平静。我们交谈一些闲谈和彼此的故事。多亏了卢克，我才感觉到我孤独的灵魂开始停止于坐立不安，让自己回到通往精神家园的道路上。你经常会发现卢克一直在厨房里做义工，这也鼓励我在后面的日子里在厨房帮忙。
In a warm community like this, helping each other does not take a second thought. It’s in everyone’s blood. When you see something is not tidy in the kitchen or bathroom, you’d put them back in order instead of walking away from them. This is what happened to my laundry one day. I put all my laundry in the washer and set up a timer for an hour to come back to put them in the dryer. Yet, by the time I got back, all my laundry was already in the dryer thanks to a nameless samaritan. I left a thank-you note for this kind stranger. Later I found out it was Sister Manifest. In later days, we shared some laughs when cleaning and washing in the kitchen together. I guess the natural spirit of volunteering and always being thoughtful to others is core to keeping this community together. You don’t rely on one system or one person to maintain the operation and spirits of one community. All it needs is the natural kindness and compassion inside all human beings.
在这样一个温暖的社区里，互相帮助是不假思索的，它在每个人的血液中。当你看到厨房或厕所里的东西不整洁时，你会把它们放回原处，而不是走开。有一天我洗衣服时，就发生了这样的善举。我把我所有的衣服都放在洗衣机里，并设置了一个小时的闹钟，然后打算等下回来把它们放进烘干机。然而，当我回来的时候，多谢一个无名的好心人，我所有的衣服都已经放在烘干机里了。我给这个好心的陌生人留下了感谢字条，后来才知道那位好心人是永照师妹（译者注：法号是从英文名字Sister Manifest翻译而来）。之后的日子里，我们一起在厨房打扫卫生，共同分享笑声。我想，自然的志愿服务和始终利他的精神是这个社区团结在一起的核心，并不需要依赖一个系统或某一个人来维持一个社区的运作和精神，它所需要的只是所有人发自内心的自然、善良和同情心。
…
For the first 5 days at the Monastery, I wasn’t quite active. I always found myself walking around the others. Instead of meditating with the group, I often found a quieter slot to meditate by myself in the meditation hall. Like I said, I still felt under the weather due to the fever and I was paranoid that it might be COVID, so I chose to isolate myself most of the time. That physical and spiritual isolation went on even after I felt better physically and mentally. The person who helped me open up more was Brother Dailuc.
在寺院的前 5 天，我都不太活跃。我总是发现自己在遇见别人时绕道而行，也没有和大家一起打坐，而是经常在禅堂里找一个更安静的地方自己打坐。就像我说的，由于发烧，我仍然感觉很不舒服，我很怀疑它可能是新冠，所以我大部分时间都选择了自我隔离。即使在我身体和精神上都感觉好些之后，这种双重隔离仍在继续，而帮助我更开放的人是大力师兄。
At one lunch on Day 6, I was eating at the far end of the table in silence that day. Then Brother Dailuc sat next to me and greeted me with joined palms before dining. Between his eyes, I felt a great stream of softness and kindness mixed with a tinge of sadness. After the silent 20 minutes passed, we started to talk. I wasn’t feeling shy or paranoid around him and his energy. Just like the softness between his eyes, his words and smile were equally gentle to me. One thing led to another, we started to talk about our depression days before and how we overcame it. It was the Buddha in our hearts and friends and family in reality who lit the way for us in those difficult times. After lunch, he invited me for a walk around the mountains. I had rarely talked to anyone in my first 5 days. And with Brother Dailuc, I started to pour all my thoughts and emotions to him and he took them well with words of wisdom and encouragement. Later, I asked him to write on my LOVE book—a book where I collected people’s definition of love—and this is what he wrote.
在第六天的午餐中，那天我在桌子的另一端默默地吃饭。然后大力师兄走过来，坐在了我的旁边，在用餐前双手合十向我打招呼。在他的眼中，我感受到了一股巨大的温柔和善意，同时又夹杂着淡淡的悲伤。二十分钟的止语用餐过后，我们开始交谈。在他的能量周围，我并没有感到任何害羞或偏执，就像他眼中的柔软一样，他的言语和微笑对我来说同样的温暖。不知不觉的，我们聊起了我们之前抑郁的日子，并且是如何克服它的：在那些困难时期，我们心中的佛以及生活中的朋友和家人为我们照亮了道路。午饭后，他邀请我去山上散步。在我最初的五天里，我很少与任何人交谈，而同大力师兄一起，我开始向他倾诉我的各种想法与情感，他用智慧和鼓励的话很好地接受了它们。后来，我邀请在我的“爱之书”——一个我用来收集人们对爱情定义的笔记本——上写下些什么，下面的文字则来自于大力师兄。
“Love is sharing a deep connection with others that transcend walls and boundaries. Therefore, it is very important for us to be truly there, for our quality of presence is the gateway to the many depths of love. In love, we find joy, happiness, compassion, forgiveness…, but also tears and the pains that help enriched it. If we know that we are interconnected in many ways, we can touch love in a deeper, more spacious, and more thankful way.”
“爱是与超越壁垒和边界的与他人分享的深厚连结。因此，对我们来说，真正处于那里是非常重要的，因为我们存在的质量是通往爱之深处的大门。在爱中，我们找到快乐、幸福、同情、宽恕……但也有帮助丰富爱情的眼泪和痛苦。如果我们知道我们在很多方面是相互连结的，我们就能以一种更深、更广阔、更感恩的方式来触摸爱。”
…
One night, I was reading in the dining room. It was my usual hangout after dinner since I had the big room for myself and had access to all kinds of tea I want. The English calligraphies on the wall by Thich Nhat Hanh were great reminders for us to do everything with great consciousness. Then V, a girl I said hi to before, entered the room. We weren’t really close. But her hearty smile brought us closer. It turned out that V, a Vietnamese student in the US, spoke Chinese fluently. What amazed me more was her baking skills. That night, she came to the dining room to bake banana bread for everyone. Of course, I was the fortunate first genie pig for her only batch of bread that night. While bread-tasting together, we talked in the dining room for almost 2 hours about food, languages, cultures and life. I learned so much about her and her country. For example, I had no idea that Jin Yong’s books and the TV shows based on his books could be a common topic for Vietnamese and Chinese to talk about forever!
一天晚上，我坐在餐厅看书。这是我晚餐后经常去的地方，因为我可以独享整个空间，并且可以享用我想喝的各种茶。一行禅师在墙上的英文书法很好地提醒了我们做每件事时都要有“念”。然后V走进了房间，一个我之前打过招呼的女孩。我们不是很熟悉，但她爽朗的笑容让我们距离近了一些。原来，V是一名越南留美的大学生，能说一口流利的中文，更让我吃惊的是她的烘焙技巧。那个晚上，她来到餐厅是为了给大家烤香蕉面包。当然，那晚我是一个幸运儿，能够品尝她做出来的的第一批面包。在一起品尝面包的同时，我们在餐厅里聊了将近两个小时，谈论食物、语言、文化和生活。我对她和她的国家了解了很多。比如，我从没想到金庸的书和根据书改编的电视剧可以成为越南人和中国人永远谈论的话题！
To this day, that banana aftertaste and V’s smile still linger in my tastebud and memory foam.
直到今天，香蕉的回甜和 V 的笑容仍然萦绕在我的味蕾和记忆中。
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My friend Haoruo surprised me on Jan 2, 2022, my third day in Blue Cliff. Well, the reason why she rushed here all the way from New York was that I was still quite sick with a fever. Endless headaches stopped me from being the person I want to be. Yet her visit brought some glimmers of hope and energies of vitality to my sick body and mind. However, she had to go back to New York on the same day, but there were no cabs around in the forest that can take her to Middletown to catch the last train to New York. In dire situations like this, Haoruo and I always find a solution by the help of kind people. This time the superhero who saved us from troubled waters was Athena, mother of a very cute 8-year-old, Dagony.
2022 年 1 月 2 日，我在蓝崖的第三天，我的朋友皓若给了我一个惊喜，突然探望我。她从纽约一路赶到这里的原因是我还发着烧，无休止的头痛让我无法做自己，她的探望给我生病的身心带来了一丝希望和活力。可她又不得不在当天返回纽约，森林里没有出租车可以带她去米德尔敦搭上去纽约的末班车。在这种危急情况下，我和皓若总是能在好心人的帮助下找到解决办法。这次把我们从困境中拯救出来的英雄是雅典娜，她是一位非常可爱的8岁孩女孩——戴戈妮——的母亲。
Haoruo and I went to the dining room on the sister’s side to try our luck to see if anybody happened to go to Middletown so that we could share a ride. Yet, it was already after dusk. All day-time visiting lay friends had already gone home. So such news brought furrowed brows to Haoruo and me. However, the brothers and sisters started to spread the word. Even though I didn’t understand any Vietnamese, the expressions on their faces looked optimistic to us. Within 5 minutes, our superhero, Athena, showed up with her ride. When we learned that it was Athena who was driving us to the train station, we couldn’t be happier. We loved her and her perky energy! Her daughter and she were such sunshine in the community, always bringing a big smile to everyone’s face and always lending people their helping hands.
我和皓若准备去尼姑餐厅碰碰运气，看看有没有人碰巧也去米德尔敦，这样我们就可以拼车了。然而，太阳已经下山，所有白天拜访的居士朋友都已经回家了。听到这个消息，让我和皓若都皱起了眉头。但寺院的师兄和师姐们开始帮忙散播消息，尽管我不懂越南语，但他们脸上的表情在我们看来是乐观的。不到五分钟，我们的英雄雅典娜就开着她的车出现了。当我们得知开车送我们去火车站的是雅典娜时，我们高兴极了，我们特别喜爱她和她那活泼的能量！她和她女儿在社区里都是那么阳光，总是给每个人带来灿烂的笑容，总是向大家伸出援助之手。
It goes without saying that we made it on time thanks to Athena’s speedy driving. I offered Haoruo a long hug as her train was coming. She asked me for a promise, a promise to talk about my pain with someone in the community. And I fulfilled that promise. On our way back, Athena listened to my pain and stories. Suddenly, she felt like a mother to me. A mother who was driving her heartbroken son back home. When arriving at Blue Cliff, she asked the sisters to fix up some food for me and we shared a long hug, a hug for more than 10 seconds, a hug that you could feel each other’s peaceful heartbeat.
不用多说，由于雅典娜的高超驾驶，我们准时到达了。火车快到了的时候，我给了皓若一个长长的拥抱。她向我要一个承诺，让我答应她和社区中的某个人聊聊我的痛苦。我履行了承诺，在我们回来的路上，雅典娜听了我的痛苦和故事。突然间，她对我来来说就像妈妈一样，一位母亲开车送她伤心欲绝的儿子回家。到了蓝崖寺，她让师姐们给我准备了一些食物，我们分享了一个很长的拥抱，一个十多秒的拥抱，一个可以感受到彼此平静心跳的拥抱。
…
There are just so many stories of hearty strangers at Blue Cliff who’ve helped me and like mirrors, reminded me who I should be. There’s Brother Emptiness, the senior monastic who talked about Jin Yong's wuxia books and books about Xuanzang with me. There’s the brother who I deem as the funniest guy in Vietnamese in spite of his broken English. He joked that I looked like a monastic from the Wu-tang Clan in Jin Yong’s book. There’s Abishek who talked about love with me and introduced me the Dharma meditation camp. There’s this sister who introduced me to great books by Thich Nhat Hanh and explained the Heart Sutra for me. There’s another sister who I’ve cleaned dishes with in the kitchen and who is just like my bigger sister. There’s Riles who played basketball with me, talked about his vagabond life in the US and drove me to the train station. One day, I’m sure he’ll vagabond his way to China and to my van. We’ll tour around China for sure. And of course, there’s Thich Nhat Hanh, the Zen master I’ve never met, but his words and works brought more compassion and zen in me, in this community and in this world.
蓝崖寺有很多暖心陌生人故事，他们帮助了我，并像镜子一样提醒我，应该做什么样的自己。这其中包括至空师兄，和我讨论金庸的武侠小说和关于玄奘的书。有一个师兄，尽管他的英语不好，但我认为他是寺院越南僧侣中最搞笑的。他开玩笑说我像金庸书中的武当道长。有Abishek和我谈论爱，还给我推荐了内观冥想营。有一位师姐向我介绍一行禅师的好的作品，并为我解释心经。还有和我在厨房里一起洗碗的师姐，她就像我的大姐姐一样。有和我一起打篮球的Riles，我们聊着他在美国的流浪生活，最后还开车送我去火车站。有一天，我相信他会流浪到中国和Riddle的，我们肯定会环游中国的。当然，还有一行禅师，我从未见过的禅师，但他的文字和作品给我，给这个社区以及这个世界带来了太多的慈悲和禅意。
When Thich Nhat Hanh passed away, I was reading his book named The Novice. In the epilogue, he shared one story about always going back to your spiritual home. His exact words are:
当听到一行禅师去世的消息时，我正在读他的书《沙弥》。在后记中，他分享了一个关于回到你的精神家园的故事。 他这样写道：
After I read it, I realized that my old glasses were broken again—one of the lenses fell out of the frame, again. This time, instead of complaining, I took out my superglue, laid down my glasses, and carefully glued up the broken part together. Like Thich Nhat Hanh said, when there is a storm that messed up your physical home, you first close the door and the windows, lit up the fire, pick up all the loose ends, and then enjoy yourself in your spiritual home, a home that nobody could take away from you.
读完之后，我意识到我的旧眼镜又坏了——一个镜片又从镜框里掉了出来。 这一次，我没有抱怨，而是拿出强力胶水，放下眼镜，小心翼翼地将破损的部分粘在一起。 就像一行禅师说的，当一场暴风雨把你的物质家园弄得一团糟时，你首先关上门窗，点燃炉火，把散落一地的东西都捡起来，然后在你的精神家园中尽情享受，在这个家园，没有任何人能让你无家可归。
7.50 am
2022.1.24
@Honolulu Airport, Hawaii.
早上7：50
2022.1.24
@夏威夷檀香山机场
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亚马逊热带雨林里的一束光 A Beam in the Amazon Rainforest by 张皓若
原文链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/H8y3owla1aHK6h2y3VsTUQ
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穿过渔民们放着各种颜色的鱼虾水品，充斥着葡萄牙语陌生但热闹的声音，还有混杂着河水和热带城市特有味道的农贸市场，我在马瑙斯的港口见到了Loucivildo。
Meandering through fisherman's colorful seafood in the local food market with the strange yet lively sounds of Portuguese in the ears and the smell of special tropical city and river in my nose, there at Manaus Port, I met Loucivildo.绿色迷彩的上衣和一条浅色短运动裤，破了一点的运动鞋，不高但黝黑结实的身材。他热情的用英语简单的问候了乘船的我们。在得知有两位来自西班牙和法国的游客之后，他又和他们用法语和西班牙语寒暄了几句。Loucivildo从小在雨林里出生和长大，是我接下来十天住在巴西的热带雨林里的向导。
He was in his camouflage green shirt, light-colored shorts and worn sports shoes. His physique was not tall but looked brawny with his tan. He welcomed us passionately in simple English when we onboarded his boat. After knowing 2 of our fellow tourists were French and Spanish, he made small talks with them in French and Spanish. Loucivildo was born and raised in a rainforest village and he'd be our guide in the Brazilian rainforest for the next 10 days.7个人挤在一艘小船上，驶过著名的黑白河段，Loucivildo一边和我们用简单但流利的英语解释着这奇异景观的成因，一边熟练的驾驶着小船前行。
7 of us got on board, crowding the small boat. We passed by the renowned Solimões and Negro Rivers, where black and white water joined together yet flew divided with their own colors. Loucivildo introduced why such an amazing landscape came into being in simple yet fluent English while steering the boat adroitly.
热带雨林里的热是无处可逃的，特别是在没有风的时候。我们渐渐驶入人烟稀少的雨林深处，蝉在不知名的角落里鸣着，偶尔听到远处吼猴的呼唤。起风时，芭蕉树巨大的叶片像水波般颤动，沙沙的声音总让人有种下雨了的错觉。
Heat is inescapable in the rainforest, especially without wind. Slowly, we started to enter the depth of the secluded part of the rainforest. Cicadas were singing in their tenor voices in some hidden corners. Howler monkeys were howling far away. In the blows of the wind, the giant banana leaves were trembling like water waves, producing the pitter-patter sounds like it was raining.
眼看好像还很远的一团乌云，瞬间就来到了我们面前。豆大的雨点带着摧枯拉朽之势落下，不带丝毫同情或是温柔。我们狼狈的急忙用雨衣和塑料布遮住自己和装着贵重物品的包，好不容易睁开眼睛时，我看到Loucivildo被淋得湿透，但却平静的坐在船头，看向远方。顺着他的视线望去，远处的树林和水面在大雨里也是那么从容安然。不像在内陆摇摇欲坠的城市，狂风暴雨中摇晃不已的树枝，亚马逊雨林更像一个张开双臂拥抱天空的庞大身躯，宁静的把风雨融入自己的身体，滋润万物生灵。
Suddenly, a cloud floating afar flew over us in no time. Bean-sized rain drops bucketed down, with no mercy or gentleness. Helter-skelter, we covered ourselves and our bags with raincoats and plastic clothes. Struggling to open my eyes, I saw Loucivildo sitting peacefully at the bow, completely drenched, eyesight perching afar. I looked where he was looking--the forest and the water in the distance were relaxing and restful in nature's bath. Unlike the shaking and bustling mainland city and the jerking twigs in the rainstorm, the Amazon rainforest stands like a giant embracing the sky, melting the wind and rain inside of its body to mother all beings.
来势汹涌的暴雨和黑暗压城的乌云固然震撼人心，但看着大地不动声色地化解这来势汹汹，雨过之后除了沾着水滴的树叶毫无那场天地混沌的痕迹，感受到的则是敬畏，是对灵魂的洗涤。再看到Loucivildo，雨晴之后在加速行驶的小船上被风一吹，我们到达森林小屋时他也都被吹干了。就像刚才那场瓢泼大雨没有发生一样，真是森林的孩子，和养育他的自然母亲同样的秉性，一份外来旅行者——虽带着各种所谓高级的户外装备——也学不来的洒脱。
Walls of rain and the cumulonimbus helicoptering us overwhelmed me. Yet it was how the land calmly welcomed such a rainful aggression that made my soul feel awed and cleansed. When the rain ceased, there were no signs of its intensity except for a few drops on the tropical leaves. I took another look at Loucivildo. Breaking the wind while steering his boat faster under the sunshine after the rainstorm, he was dried when we arrived at the forest cabin. He was so cool about everything like nothing had happened. No wonder he was the son of the forest, sharing the same personality as that of his nature mother. Such a Zen can never be learned by outside tourists in spite of their high-end outdoor equipment.
后来的日子里，我渐渐了解了Loucivildo的故事。他从小虽在本地原著居民的部落出生，但青年时期开始在雨林里的各种民宿和旅馆打工，遇到世界各地的人们，通过和他们聊天学会了6、7门语言。
As days passed, I learned more about Loucivildo. He was born in an indigenous tribe, but he worked in hostels and hotels in the rainforest in his adolescence. By meeting and talking with people across the globe, he learned 6 or 7 languages.
白天，他带我们去开阔的水域划船，去长满刺的荷叶丛钓食人鱼，去无人涉足的雨林里徒步，去原住民的家中吃饭和学习他们采集和加工木薯粉的智慧，带我们去看爬满了小蚂蚁的大树，他温柔的让这些小蚂蚁爬到身上又回到树上，说这就是当地人的防蚊技巧，他们没有也不用防蚊喷雾。
In the daytime, he took us to row in open waters, to fish Piranha in the spiky lotus bushes, to trek in the rainforest that hadn't seen lots of human footsteps, to eat at indigenous people's homes, and learn about how they collected and processed tapioca. He also took us to see big trees resided by many many small ants. He lead them to climb to his body gently and back to the tree, explaining that this is a local technique to ward off mosquitoes. They don't possess or apply any repellents.
天黑前，我们在木屋里一起吃饭聊天。夜幕笼罩之后我们划着小船出去，目光所及之处没有一点人类文明的痕迹。闪烁的银河映在平静的湖面上，天上脚下全是星星，感觉自己好像漂浮在星空之中。正惊叹着，Loucivildo突然说十米开外的地方有鳄鱼。我们划着小船悄悄过去，他居然徒手从水里突然拎起一条小鳄鱼宝宝，和我们说完各种关于鳄鱼宝宝的知识之后，又温柔的把受惊的小鳄鱼放回了水里。
In the evenings, we ate and chatted in the cabin before dawn. When it was pitch dark outside, we'd row our boat to the wild. There were no traces of human civilizations in our eyesight. The Galaxy was flickering on the reflection of the lake. All the stars around me from head to toes made me feel like I was floating in the starry night. While I was enjoying my amazement, Loucivildo said there was a crocodile 10 meters away ahead of us. We rowed our boat surreptitiously in that direction. Out of nowhere, he lifted a baby crocodile from the water with his bare hands. After tellings us all kinds of knowledge about them, he then put the startled little crocodile back to the water like a gentleman.
一天傍晚，乘着小船回家的路上，遇到让我久久说不出话的美丽夕阳。天空被最后一丝光染成灿烂的红色时，一群水鸟从附近的树林里飞起，盘旋着在那片水域之上，一些还停在了我们的小船上。此起彼伏的叫声，翅膀在风里的声音，和自然里所有微妙的声响交织在一起，寂静又热闹。我惊叹着，Loucivildo仍然只是静静地坐在船头，轻轻地划着桨，黝黑的脸上带着微笑，在彩色的霞光的映衬下好像更黑了一点，但是又散发着一种充满生命力的，温柔的光。
One dawn, on our way back home on the boat, we met a sunset that was so stunning that it rendered me speechless. As the sky was being tainted crimson by the last beam of light, a crowd of birds flew from the nearest forest and hovered above the lake. Some even took a break on our boat. Noises were up here and down there: the rattling sound of the flapping wing joined all the other nuanced sounds from nature made a quiet and clamorous symphony. I was still immersed in my amazement, and Loucivildo was just sitting quietly at the bow, softly roaring the oars. His tanned face was decorated with a smile, looking even darker under the colorful sunset glow. However, his face was also effusing a soft light full of life.
那一个片段久久的留在我的脑海。That picture was imprinted on my mind.晚上的小木屋没有电灯，也没有空调，湿热的空气和帐篷里的蚊子让想早早睡觉的我爬了起来。在厨房接水时看到Loucivildo，说着他就给我调了一杯“乡村姑娘”（巴西的一种鸡尾酒），我们就地坐在木屋门口喝着酒，看着茫茫的黑夜和天上的星星，有一句没一句的聊着。
There were no lights nor A/C in the cabin. The damp air and the mosquitoes woke me up from an early sleep. I saw Loucivildo when I was trying to get water. He fixed me up with a Caipirinha--a Brazilian cocktail. So we sat at the wooden door and chitchatted while looking at the dark wild and the starry night.
“这里好美，今天的夕阳好美。”我说道。"It's so beautiful here. And today's sunset." I said.
“嗯，是啊。我每天都可以看到这样的夕阳，去到雨林的各种地方，还能顺带赚些不错的钱，因为是和很多富裕国家的旅客，也会比当地一些普通工作工资高一些。每天过的都很简单，也能遇到世界各地很多不同的人，和他们成为朋友。”"Yeah. I get to see sunsets like this every day and go to different spots of the rainforest. And I can make some money from this. Because the guests I receive are from wealthier countries, I made more money than average jobs here. Every day is simple. I meet people from all over the world and become friends with them."
“天呐，这不就是梦想中的生活吗！以后要是我也能在自然中这样生活那简直人生完满了。”我惊叹到。
"Oh my god, this is my dream life! If I could live such a life in the future, I’d ask nothing more." I exclaimed.
“……其实……我不想一直只做这个。我一直在攒钱，学习读写，以后想去城市里上大学。”Loucivildo有些羞涩地说。
"Well...to be honest...I don't want to just do this all my life. I've been saving up money and learning how to read and write. I want to go to a university in the city." Loucivildo said with shyness.
“嗯？是吗？你想学什么呢？有时候我觉得你知道的比城市的人们多多了。你可以在雨林里生存，在无人踏足的地方开路，在黑夜里看到远处的鳄鱼，看星星判断方向……”
"Yeah? What you wanna learn? Sometimes I think you know more than the city folks. You can survive in a rainforest, go to places that people have never been to, and spot the crocodiles from afar in the dark, and know your directions by looking at stars..."
Loucivildo喝了一口酒，看着远处的什么地方。Loucivildo had a sip of his drink, looking beyond.
“我想学生物学，想真正的了解我生长的这个地方是什么样的， 在这里的生命们是如何的，我要更好的保护它们。估计需要攒很久的钱，现在也还不知道能上哪所大学，但是这是我在努力的方向，是我想做的事情。”
"I want to study biology. I want to know what my hometown is really like how the lives living here are like. I want to better protect them. It will take some time for me to get enough money. I don't know which university I can go to. But this is something I'm working on. This is something I want to do."我在星光中隐约看到他脸上温柔的微笑，好像是在对我笑，又好像是在对着雨林。想想他离真的能去到大学，似乎还有好远好长的一段看不清方向的路，但是这句被他轻轻说出的话里，有一种无比确凿的信念，好像到那里其实也很简单。我一下子有些说不出话来，只是点了点头。
In the dim light from the stars, I saw him gently smiling at me, or maybe at the forest. It seemed he was far away from realizing his college dream. The way there was blurry without clear direction. Yet, the words, which he uttered with a light tone, had a strong determination. It seemed that realizing this goal is also easy, even amidst all the uncertainties. I was a bit wordless, and just nodded.
现在回想，他的那句话撼动了我对生命的认知。
In retrospect, his words changed some of my fundamental beliefs for life.
我从小心里就有避世的渴望，想远离世界的纷扰，过安静自然简单的生活。在雨林里的那一周总觉得Loucivildo就过着我理想中的生活，他的笑容和言行安静纯粹，而且带着一种不急不慢的温柔和真实，在我眼里闪着奇妙的光。
Ever since young, I wanted to get away from the world, away from the hustles and bustles, so that I can live a simple and quiet life in nature. I felt that Loucivildo was living my dream life in the rainforest. He carries this sense of authenticity and gentleness in his quiet smiles and actions, glimmering in my eyes.
他所渴望和思考的，不是如何保持这样的生活，或者让自己过得更好，而是怎样为那个地方多做点什么。也许我看到Loucivildo身上一切我喜欢的东西，更多来自于他内心对这个世界的爱与信念，而不只是我以为的，美丽广阔的雨林。
Yet what he longs for and thinks about, is not how to keep living this life or to make his own life better, but how to do more for that place. Maybe the things that I like about Loucivildo, come more from his love and belief for the world, instead of only from the boundless rainforest.
几年后读到亚马逊热带雨林几天几夜的大火的新闻时，心痛的感觉要流泪了。再了解到更多大火背后政府的贪污腐败和大公司金钱利益的纠纷时，觉得这个世界真是糟糕透了。还有更多的冲突，战争，金钱，私欲，无知。也许所有努力都是徒劳，人类没救了，我就想找个可以避开所有这一切的地方安静的待着，不然某一天我也就不知不觉变成了个麻木而糟糕的人了。
A few years later, I read the news about the wildfire in Amazon. It pained me to tears. After learning about the political corruption and money struggles behind it, I thought this world was such a terrible place. There are even more conflicts, wars, selfishness, and ignorance. Maybe all the efforts are in vain and humanity can not be saved after all. I wanted to find a land, a piece of purity to avoid all these before I unwittingly turn into a terribly numb person one day.
但每次想到Loucivildo的微笑，隐约又觉得看到了大火尽头的一束光，在照着被烧毁的森林中，一颗刚发芽的种子，在光里慢慢的茁壮生长。
However, every time I think about Loucivildo’s smile, I could almost see a beam of light at the end of the desperate fire. It shines upon a budding seed that grows in the seemingly dead forest.
它对我说，不要跑走，皓若，再继续做点什么吧！到达那个理想的地方，其实也可以很简单。
It says to me, don’t leave yet. Just do something. Reaching that place in your dream can also be easy.
“我希望世界上的所有人没有冲突，共享和平。”
"I imagine all the people in the world should have no conflict. Peace for all."
-
年轻的心，今晚自由的飞翔 "Young Hearts, Be Free Tonight" by Yuan
原文链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/4VeMMQN2x9CmP5VIi-AW0Q
背景音乐 Luke Faulkner - Clouds, Rod Steward- Young Turks
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Patreon Page https://www.patreon.com/yuanriddle
It was a typically tropical raining day in Chiangmai. Humid, unpredictable, yet soothing to most sweaty foreheads and anxious homebound souls.
这一天是一个典型的清迈热带雨天。潮湿、且无法预知，但对于大多汗流浃背和焦躁的返乡之魂来说，它是一种抚慰。
COVID really did a number on Chiangmai, an old city frequented by many tourists from all over the world. Many shops along the street and inside the alleys ran out of business; the once ubiquitous red tuk-tuk trucks were hard to spot now; the vroom vroom of the motorcycles seemed less noisy now; few foreign tourists wandered in the quiet old town. Fortunately and unfortunately, I was one of them.
清迈本来是一个许多世界各地游客经常会光顾的老城，但COVID 疫情对清迈产生了蛮大的影响。沿街和小巷内的不少商店都停业了；曾经无处不在的红色嘟嘟车现在也是不见踪影；摩托车的嗡嗡声现在好像也没那么吵了；这安静的老城里闲逛的外国游客也没有几个了。幸运而又不幸的是，我是其中之一。
Somehow, I was quite content with the status quo, even though such a feeling seems to lack of compassion to the local businesses and a lack of consideration of those who've been longing for traveling, yet cannot. But I don't want to lie. The last place I wanted to be then is a noisy overcrowded city. What I had at Chiangmai was perfect for me. I could hop to different places while still enjoying a peaceful and safe bicycle ride.
不知怎么，我对现在这种情况很满意，尽管这种感觉似乎对当地的商铺缺乏同情心，也没考虑到那些渴望旅行却又无法出行人们的心情。但我不想撒谎，我最不想去的地方就是一个嘈杂拥挤的城市，清迈的一切对我来说是完美的。我可以去到不同的地方，同时也享受着平静安全的自行车骑行。
Unlike my past months in mainland US and Hawaii, I didn't know anyone in the city, which is both a blessing and a curse. To make it even more so, my basic Thai didn't allow me to hold down a deep conversation. So the blessing is that no one would bother my existence when I wanted to be shy; the curse is that I did miss another witty mind and new pair of listening ears. But believe me, I tried to make the most of the blessing part. Keywords here, I tried.
与我呆在美国大陆和夏威夷的过去几个月不同，在这座城市我一个人都不认识，这是福也是祸。更加是福也是祸的是我的半吊子泰语是没法让我和别人有一个深入的交谈的。所以“福”是，当我想害羞的时候，没人能打扰我的存在；“祸”是我的的确确想念有趣的人和一对能够倾听的耳朵。但请相信我，我已尝试去享受那份祝福了。关键词是，我已经尝试过了。
After eating at a Japanese restaurant, I joined the waitresses to draw food cartoons on their souvenir bags. Through body language and the most amazing language of the human mind--a smile, I managed to blend in. The girls were talking and giggling. Maybe about me, a weird customer who decided to get a free "art therapy session" at the vestibule of a restaurant.
在一家日本餐厅吃完饭后，我和服务员们一起在她们的纪念品袋上画着食物的卡通画。通过肢体语言和人类思维中最神奇的语言——一个微笑，我融入其中。女孩儿们有说有笑，也许她们在笑我这样一位奇怪的顾客，在餐厅前厅接受免费的“艺术疗愈课程”。
Also, I forgot to mention. This was my second "art therapy session" at the same place. The reason why I came back is to pick up a notebook I left there for the girls to write something on. It was a lime green notebook with a Chinese character on it, Wen, meaning "kiss". I carried it everywhere. I carried it because I'd been seeking strangers' answers to a very important question to myself, "what is love?" I enjoyed my first "session" so much, so I left it here the night before for the girls to write their answers in the notebook.
另外，我忘了说，这是我在这个地方的第二次“艺术疗愈课程”。我回来的原因是要拿起我留在那儿的笔记本，让女孩们在上面写点东西。那是一本青绿色的笔记本，上面写着一个汉字“吻”，我到处带着它。我带着它是因为我一直在寻找陌生人关于一个对我自己来说非常重要的问题的答案，“什么是爱？”我非常喜欢我在这儿的第一个“疗程”，所以前一天晚上我把它留在这里，让女孩们在笔记本上写下他们的答案。
With enough "art sessions", my treasure retrieving task accomplished, and ominous weather in the sky, I was ready to hit the road home. After a simple goodbye and thank-you to my fellow "artists", I started to pedal hard on my bike. Yet, within seconds, the rain was pouring down. I couldn't risk getting my lime green answer book wet. I knew I had to find a shelter for it and me. So I went to a beer pub nearby.
“疗愈课”上的差不多了，也完成了我的寻宝任务，伴着天空中的不祥天气，我准备踏上回家的路。在向和我一起工作的“艺术家”简单道别和感谢之后，我开始狂蹬我的自行车。然而，就几秒钟之内，大雨倾盆而下。我不能冒险弄湿我的青绿色答案簿，我知道我必须为它和我找到一个庇护所。于是我去了附近的一家啤酒吧。
"Sawade krap!" a young boy said hi to me in Thai while joining his palms.
“萨卡迪卡！”一个男生双手合十，用泰语向我打招呼。
"Sawade krap." My voice didn't sound as confident as his. Wanting to change the conversation in the language I felt comfortable with, I posed my request in a hurry.
“萨卡迪卡。”我的声音听起来不像他那么自信。我想用觉得舒服的语言来对话，就急忙提出了我的要求。
"Phut pa sa angrit dai ma krap?"
“普帕萨昂格里歹买卡？”
"Krap!" He replied with a big smile, not as big as mine, I believed.
“卡！”他笑着回答，他的笑容肯定没有我的那么大，我猜测。
"Mm, is the golden ale good?" asked me while browsing the menu on the brick wall.
“嗯，这个金色艾尔啤酒好喝吗？”一边扫着砖墙上的酒单，我一边问他。
"Yeah. It's a locally brewed craft beer."
“当然。是当地酿造的精酿啤酒。”
"OK, let me have one of that for now." I sat at the bar.
“好啊，先给我一杯。”我坐在吧台边。
The boy said something in Thai to a girl standing close to him. The girl smiled and went away with a nonic pint in her hand. Even under her mask, I could tell she had a beautiful smile and I could also tell that I was not the primary target of that smile. The boy who greeted me in the first place was having a similar smile in his eyes and under the mask.
男孩用泰语对站在他身边的女孩说了些什么，女孩笑了笑，拿着一个品脱杯走开了。即使她戴着口罩，也能看出她的笑容很美，我也能看出我并不是那个笑容的主要对象。最先与我打招呼的男孩眼中和他口罩的背后也带着相似的笑容。
Even though it was a bit nippy because of the rain, the temperature inside the bar warmed my whole being. Suddenly, an idea, a familiar idea, dawned on me. "I should ask them to write something in my notebook. They make a very cute couple, if they are a couple. If not, maybe I could be a match-maker by teasing them a bit." An innocent evil laugh echoed in my cranium.
尽管下雨有点冷，但酒吧里的温度却温暖了我全身。忽然，一个念头，一个熟悉的念头，浮现在我的脑海。 “我应该让他们在我的笔记本上写点东西。如果他们是一对，他们真的是一对可爱的恋人。如果不是，也许我可以逗逗他们，做个媒人。”一种天真又邪恶的笑声在我的脑中回荡。
"Here's your golden ale." said the girl as she put my adult coke cola in front of me across the counter.
“这是你点的金色艾尔啤酒。”那个女孩一边说，一边把我的成人可乐放坐在柜台对面的我的面前。
"Hi, I have another request." I couldn't hide my shyness.
“嗨，我还有一个请求。”我无法掩饰我的害羞。
"Yes?"
“什么呢？”
"Mmh. I'm doing a project. I ask strangers to write 'what is love?' on this notebook. Do you guys want to write something?" I handed them my answer book.
“嗯。我正在做一个项目，邀请陌生人写下‘什么是爱？’，在这个笔记本上。你们想写点什么吗？”我把我的答案簿递给他们。
"Wow. That's so interesting." Their eyes lit up as they were browsing through the notebooks. They stood even closer. Closer than the distance of colleagues or normal friends.
“哇，这太有趣了。”在翻阅笔记本时，他们的眼睛里闪烁着光亮。他们站得更近了，比同事或普通朋友的距离更近。
"So?"
“所以？”
"Of course. We'd love to! This project is so romantic. These answers gave me goosebumps." The boy couldn't hide his big smile. His right hand naturally reached to hold the girl's waist. So I'd guessed it right.
“当然。我们很愿意！这个项目太浪漫了，这些答案让我起鸡皮疙瘩。”男孩掩饰不住他灿烂的笑容，他的右手自然而然的伸到了女孩的腰间，所以我是猜对了。
Seeing my curious satisfaction on my face, the boy revealed, "Oh, by the way, we're a couple."
男孩见我脸上带着好奇的满足，解释道：“哦，对了，我们是情侣。”
"I know."
“显而易见。”
"How?"
“怎么呢？”
"The chemistry between you guys. And the way she looks at you."
“你们之间的化学反应。还有她看你的眼神。”
Now that big smile turned into a bigger one with a trace of shyness and loads of happiness in it. When I looked at the girl's face, it was the same smile.
现在，那灿烂的笑容变成了更大的笑容，带着一丝害羞和幸福。当我看着女孩的脸时，也是同样的笑容。
As the night kicked in, we three talked for hours. I learned that they were part-timers here at night with a day-time internship and they were about to graduate from college (that definitely deserves some adult drinks to celebrate. So I bought us a round of beers). They'd been together for almost 3 years. Their love story was simple yet never short of depth in connections and richness. Young love like theirs always brought me in tears of joy and a tad of jealousy, I had to admit.
夜幕降临，我们仨聊了几个小时。我了解到他们白天做实习，晚上来着打工。他们也即将从大学毕业（这绝对值得一些成人饮料来庆祝，所以我给我们买了一轮啤酒）。他们在一起快三年了，他们的爱情故事很简单，但从不缺乏深度的链接和丰富的感情。我不得不承认，像他们这样的年轻爱情故事总能让我流下喜悦的泪水，同时也感到一丝嫉妒。
At this point of the story, I don't think my words are sincere enough to tell how much they are in love. So I have to borrow theirs. Now you be the judge while I'm beginning to reminisce about the smiles of this young couple, my newest friends--Tiw and Sine.
故事进行到这个阶段，我的词汇已经不够真诚，不足以说明他们有多相爱，所以我不得不挪借他们的词语。现在，你是评委，而我则已经开始回忆这对年轻情侣——我的新朋友Tiw和 Sine——的笑容。
"Love is like a fuel for our universe. It keeps us moving. Love can break a person, but it can also heal a person. Love creates questions, but love can be answered as well. I already found my love, but if you can't find one. Don't worry. There's always love within you."
--Tiw
“爱就像我们宇宙的燃料，它助力我们前行。爱可以伤害一个人，但它也可以治愈一个人。爱会制造问题，但爱也可以回答问题。我已经找到了我的爱，但如果你找不到，别担心，在你的心中总是能找到爱。”
——Tiw
"I'm a spoiled child. I hate when people don't think about me... I don't know how to think about other people, too. One day, my love came in my life, taught me how to think about other people. Now, I think about other people more.
and ... I think about him, my love, more than myself.
To make me be the better version of me, is this love?
Well....
I think it's LOVE! "
--Sine
“我是个被宠坏的孩子，我讨厌别人不为我着想……但我也不知道如何为别人着想。有一天，我的爱走进了我的生活，教会了我如何考虑其他人。现在，我更多地思考着其他人。
还有……我想着他，我的爱人，比我自己还多。
让我成为更好的自己，这就是爱吗？
好吧....
我认为这就是爱！”
——Sine
After writing this story, Rod Stewart's "Young Turks" was playing in my head. He is singing this love song to Tiw and Sine.
写完这个故事后，我脑中响起了Rod Stewart的“Young Turks”的旋律， 他正在为 Tiw 和 Sine 唱这首情歌。
"Young hearts, be free tonight
Time is on your side
Don't let 'em put you down
Don't let 'em push you around
Don't let 'em ever change your point of view"
“年轻的心，今夜自由
时间是你的朋友
不要让他们把你打倒
不要让他们左右你
不要让他们改变你的立场”
Written in Chiangmai, Thailand
Feburary, 22nd, 2022
作于泰国清迈
2022年2月22日
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The End and the Beginning 结束和开始 By 辛波斯卡
原文链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/4VeMMQN2x9CmP5VIi-AW0Q
背景音乐 Dennis Kuo - Track in Time; Simon & Garfunkel - Scarborough Fair
Riddle Apple Podcast https://apple.co/3tl9UBf
Riddle 喜马拉雅 https://bit.ly/riddleximalaya
Riddle Wechat Blogs https://bit.ly/riddlewechat
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Patreon Page https://www.patreon.com/yuanriddle
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缠绵 Intertwined Intimacy By 曹译丹
原文链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/f_JR5VXRybjMJNYzdA7cRQ
背景音乐 FKJ - Sundays
Riddle Apple Podcast https://apple.co/3tl9UBf
Riddle 喜马拉雅 https://bit.ly/riddleximalaya
Riddle Wechat Blogs https://bit.ly/riddlewechat
Riddle Instagram https://bit.ly/riddleinsta
Patreon Page https://www.patreon.com/yuanriddle
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来自纽约街头陌生人的琴声 A NYC Street Stranger's Music Gift By YUAN
原文链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/k0v_fOJYNzWBiiFUlsuckg
背景音乐 Jake Shimabukuro - Touch
Riddle Apple Podcast https://apple.co/3tl9UBf
Riddle 喜马拉雅 https://bit.ly/riddleximalaya
Riddle Wechat Blogs https://bit.ly/riddlewechat
Riddle Instagram https://bit.ly/riddleinsta
Patreon Page https://www.patreon.com/yuanriddle
5 years passed. Now I am back in New York. A city where I used to live and study at. A city that I used to hate and love at the same time.
5年过去了，如今我又回到了纽约，一个我过去生活和学习过的城市，一个曾让我欢喜让我忧的城市。
Despite many life changes I've gone through, the Big Apple remains the same: imposing skyscrapers, comings and goings of New Yorkers of different races, and their aloofness mixed with occasional friendliness. As an outsider, you can sense such a paradox from just their eyes even though most parts of their faces are covered by a mask in COVID time.
尽管我的生活发生很多变故，“大苹果城”一点都没变：壮观的摩天大楼，来来去去、不同肤色的纽约客，以及他们时而友善，时而冷淡的气场。作为外来者，通过他们的眼神你就能感受到他们矛盾的性格，尽管在疫情期间，他们的脸上都被口罩遮住了。
In this era of the pandemic, most have hidden their adventurous spirits in the closet of their hearts and international travels become a rarity. So my visit to New York against this backdrop had my family worried especially when the Omicron of COVID was hitting the Big Apple.
在疫情的年代，大多人都把探险的热情藏在了心中的角落，跨国旅行也不再常见。所以这次我来纽约让我的家人十分担忧，尤其是纽约正在经历着新冠的变种病毒——奥密克戎的侵袭。
Yet, I still chose to come to New York. An omen directed me here. It'd told me I should come here to find a hidden "treasure".
但是，我仍然来到了纽约。一个征兆将我带到了这里。它告诉我应该来到这去找到一个隐藏的“宝藏”。
As for whether I've found the treasure or not here, it is another story. Maybe I'll turn into a story into my first fiction. Today's protagonist is not me. It's Carlos.
至于我是否找寻到了宝藏，那是另外一个故事。可能我会把它写成我的第一部小说。但今天故事的主角不是我，是卡洛斯。
Though it was mid-December in New York, the city was still in the colors of fall. The Ginko trees alongside the narrow street of Manhattan were still dotted by their last canary leaves. Hudson River under sunset was like a crumpled napkin, showing wrinkles of orange and navy blue. New Yorkers, donning colorful garments—some even wore shorts and short skirts in day time—constituted the most lively colors in this metropolis painting. And of course, my friend and I were also fortunate dots in this picture as well.
虽然纽约已经进入十二月中旬了，但城市仍然保留着秋天的颜色。曼哈顿岛狭窄街道两旁的银杏树仍旧被金色的叶子装饰着。夕阳下的哈德逊河像一张褶皱的餐巾纸，有些褶皱挂着橘色，有些挂着深蓝。纽约客打扮各异，有些甚者白天还穿着短裤和短裙，是这一幅城市画布中最活跃的颜色。当然，我和我的朋友也有幸成为这幅画卷中的两个墨点。
It was a Friday morning. We were walking in Central Park. I was still quite spent from the recent long international flight from China to New York. Such a man-made forest in the middle of the busiest and crowded city in the world was a perfect place to forget all my traveling fatigues and sorrows in my life. My rooted shyness was defrosted a little thanks to the good company of my friend and children's laughter in the park.
那是一个周五的早上，我们在中央公园散步。由于中美的长途飞行，我的身体依旧疲惫。在世界上最繁忙和拥挤的城市中央有这样一片人工森林，对我来说，这简直是让我让忘记所有旅行疲惫和生活悲伤的完美之地。住在我心里的羞涩也因为我朋友的陪伴和公园里孩子们的笑声解冻了一些。
Then my friend decided to take me to a place in the park. Her secret go-to place. Knowing my friend well, I knew I'd be regular at this place as well even though I had no idea what'd happen and whom we'd meet in this secret spot.
我的朋友决定带我去公园的一个地方，她经常去的一个秘密地方。因为我们的熟络，她知道这个地方也会是我很喜欢去的角落，虽然我并不知道后面会发生什么，我们会碰到谁。
It was an underground hallway under a bridge. The mosaic roof and wall tiles and the Roman columns would fool you to believe that you were in Europe. In the middle of the spacious hallway sat an empty chair.
我们来到了一个桥下的地下大厅。大厅屋顶和墙壁的马赛克瓷砖以及罗马柱可能会让你以为这是在欧洲。在大厅的中央，是一张空的椅子。
"Oh, nooooo... He's not here today." My friend broke the silence in the hallway.
"Who's not here?"
"The guitarist. I take you here to listen to him." A disappointment showed in her voice.
"Aw...It's ok. We will come back for another day."
“噢，不。他今天没来。”我的朋友打破了大厅的沉默。
“谁没来？“
“弹吉他的人。我带你来就是来听他的。”她的声音中略显失望。
“哎呦。没事儿的。我们改天再来。”
We walked inside and around the hallway for a while. As we were about to find our next soothing corner in the city, a mellow sound of classic guitar made our eyes open in astonishment.
我们走进了大厅，在大厅附近转了一会。正当我们要去找寻我们在城市中下一个舒心的角落时，一段温柔的古典吉他旋律让我们吃惊的睁大双眼。
"Could it be ...?" The same inner voice asked us as we shared a look.
“难道是？”面面相觑的我们有着一个同样的心声。
It was him. A middle-aged man in his red down coat, holding his guitar that had seen better days, sat on the chair that was empty before. Even with his mask on, you could know that he was a man of many stories. His fingers were dancing fast yet softly on the guitar board, producing a very mellow version of Ryuichi Sakamoto's "Merry Christmas, Mr. Laurence". His taste in music was as good as his skill and the softness in his eyes.
确实是他，一个穿着红色羽绒服的中年大叔，抱着他陈旧的吉他，坐在之前的空椅子上。虽然他带着口罩，你能感觉到他是一个有故事的人。他的手指在琴版上轻快、温柔的跳着舞，带着柔情，他在弹着的是坂本龙一创作的“圣诞快乐，劳伦斯”。他对音乐的品味和他的琴技和眼中的温柔一样棒。
We stayed for two more tunes amidst comings and goings of others. But just as we clapped and readied ourselves to put some money in the donation box in front of him, he played another tune. A tune so familiar to Chinese ears, "The Moon Represents My Heart". My friend and I shared a look with a big reticent smile under our masks. With great appreciation to the musician, we hummed along with the guitarist's beautiful rendition of this old Chinese love song. I knew what was on her mind and so did she.
在行人来来去去的大厅，我们又听了两曲。正当我们鼓掌，准备上前在他面前的捐助盒子里放些零钱时，他又弹了一曲。一段中国听众再熟悉不过的旋律：“月亮代表我的心”。我和我的朋友会心的看了看对方，口罩背后露出笑颜。带着对音乐家极大的感恩，我们一起哼唱着这首来自中国的情歌。我知道她的所思所想，她也一样。
Finally, we walked towards him. I was still shy, but Carlos' softness in the corners of his kind eyes melted my shyness completely. Yes, his name is Carlos and he is from Chile. He'd played in this spot for the last 10 years. And his worn guitar is 28 years old, almost as good as me. But I'm sure the soul that lives in his guitar has seen and listened more than mine.
最后，我们还是走向他。我仍旧羞涩，但卡洛斯眼角的温柔彻底的融化了我的羞涩。是的，他的名字是卡洛斯，他的老家在智利。他在这个地方已经弹了十年的琴了，他的那把旧吉他也28年了，差不多赶上了我的年龄。但我确信，住在吉他里的灵魂一定比我见过更多的世面，听过更多的旋律。
Carlos asked me what I did for a living and how I liked New York now. I told him I was building my own mobile bookstore and would be living in my van while touring the world. And I told him I'd prefer to live in a quiter place than a big city like New York. He shared a story after hearing mine. It was about a homeless person he knew in the park. He used to live in the park, feeding on the overflow of leftover food wasted by the city. He told Carlos that one can never die of hunger in New York because of how much food people waste every day. Since hunger is not an issue, he moved to the mountains near New York as he wanted to live a quieter life now. Homeless as he was, but he sounded like one very happy man in the words of Carlos. Besides his music, Carlos taught me another life lesson: "choose life".
卡洛斯问我以什么为生，以及我现在对纽约的感觉。我告诉他我在建造自己的移动书屋，然后打算开着它周游世界，并且以此为家。我告诉他我更喜欢在安静的地方生活，而不是像纽约这么大的城市。在听过我的故事后，他也分享了一个故事给我。他之前在中央公园认识的一个流浪汉，他以纽约浪费的剩菜剩饭为生。他告诉卡洛斯，在纽约你是不会饿死的，因为每天都有人浪费太多的食物了。饥饿并不是一个问题，所以他搬到了纽约附近的山中居住，因为他想要一个更清净的生活。虽然他居无定所，但在卡洛斯的言辞中，他听起来是一个非常快乐的人。除了他的音乐，卡洛斯还传授给我一个人生之道：选择生活。
As a farewell gift, he played my friends' favorite composer's piece--Ennio Morricone's "Love Theme" featured in the movie "Cinema Paradiso". After this final tune, we hugged him goodbye and left with warm tears in our eyes…
临别之际，他弹了我朋友最喜欢的作曲家的曲目——埃尼奥·莫里康尼的“Love Theme”，作为礼物。在这终曲结束时，我们拥抱致意！转身离别时，泪水浸满了眼眶……
Why tears? You might ask. Nothing is more beautiful than the love flowing among humanities.
为什么会流泪？你可能会问。没有什么能比人类之间传递的爱，更加美丽了。
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我想和你生活某个小镇 by 茨维塔耶娃
原文链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/Ql0pzUtTVgRxK-X5Z6ZM4w
背景音乐 麗美 - Small Happiness
Riddle Apple Podcast https://apple.co/3tl9UBf
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芸芸众生 名垂青史 -- 遇见一名生还于911的“普通”人 By 晓宁
原文链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/c8PlhjnB0F1-QUFfaJ2JxQ
背景音乐 Leonard Cohen - You Have Loved Enough, Eric Clapton - Tears in Heaven
Riddle Apple Podcast https://apple.co/3tl9UBf
Riddle 喜马拉雅 https://bit.ly/riddleximalaya
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昨天去911纪念馆的时候，恰好遇见Gordon向人们讲述自己的故事。Gordon是911事件中唯一一个既是幸存者，又是遇难者家属，又是救援人员的人。我遇见他时，他的第一句话便是，我不是什么英雄，那天冲向现场的消防员、警察、救援队才是英雄，我只是做了我该做的事情。
On my visit to the 911 Memorial Museum, I happened to see Gordon telling people his story. Gordon is the only person who is a survivor, a family member of the victims, and a rescuer on that tragic day. When I met him, his first words were, "I'm no hero. The firefighters, police officers and rescue team members who stormed to the spot that day are heroes. I just did what I should do."
他是美籍华裔，在纽约出生，曾经做过战地医生，911发生那时他是医学研究者，那天正好在世贸中心旁的医院做研究。
He is an Asian American, born in New York. He used to be a military field doctor. When 911 happened, he was a medical researcher and was doing his research in a nearby hospital on that day.
当他看见世贸中心的北塔被飞机袭击后，他并没有随人群一同慌张的离开现场，而是向人潮相反的方向走去，回到世贸中心去。他说：“我曾经做过战地医生，那天飞机撞进世贸中心，那么多伤亡，我是一名医生，我怎能见死不救而离开。”
When he saw the north tower got hit by a plane, he didn't storm out like the panicking crowd. He walked in the other direction, back to the World Trade Center. He said, "I used to be a field doctor. When the plane hit the tower, I can't leave those wounded and dying souls as a doctor."
他描述那天的场景：“所有人都慌张的哭泣的逃离世贸中心，狂奔越远越好，只有我一个人在向着世贸中心走去，我并没有一路小跑，我走的很慢，我并非不害怕，我心里有很多很多恐惧，我曾想过也许我没有办法活着回来，我也不知道我为什么会那么做，但我依然头也不回的向前走，也许唯一一种解释就是这是上帝对我的旨意。”
He described the scene that day for us. "Everyone was storming out of the World Trade Center in tears. Storming as far as possible. Only I walked towards the center. I didn't run. I walked slowly. It wasn't because I wasn't scared. I had a lot of fears. I thought maybe I wouldn't make it. I didn't know why I did it. But I walked on, without looking back. The only explanation is that this is the blessed guidance from God."
于是他回到世贸大楼，后来又来到旁边的医院，在会议室的圆桌上为一名又一名的幸存者进行急救。他所不知道的是，他的姐姐Susan，那天受邀到世贸中心106层的旋转餐厅开会，他在救治一名一名幸存者的时候，他的姐姐已经不幸遇难，却尸骨无存。
So he went back to the building and then came back to the nearby hospital, rescuing another survivor on the conference table. What he didn't know was that his sister Susan who had been invited to a meeting in a restaurant on the 106th floor of the World Trade Center had passed away while he was saving survivors after survivors. Her body couldn't be found.
那天过后，他再也没有清洗过那天穿的鞋。他说，鞋子上面的灰尘，也许有那么几颗，是姐姐的遗骸。
After that day, he never cleaned the shoes he wore that day. He said, maybe a few particles of the dust on those shoes are the body remains of his sister.
Gordon说，那天发生的一切，他这一生都不会忘记，就连那天大楼坍塌后空气里弥漫的尘土飞扬，他到现在为止都记得尘土尝起来的味道。而这些尘土正是十秒内世贸大楼坍塌的遗骸，夹杂着飞机事故着火后塑料钢铁水泥混合在一起燃烧的合成物，是再有毒不过的气体。很多很多当年的救援工在多年后被查处很多种癌症，正是因为当年过量摄入了有毒气体。Gordon也是一样，他在几年前被查出来三种癌症。见到我们的时候，他说，我知道我活不了多久了，但是你们不用担心我，我知道我死后将要去到哪里。
Gordon said he will never forget what happened that day in his life. He still remembered how the flying dust tastes after the fall of towers. All these specks of dust were the remains of the Twin Towers that fell in 10 seconds, mixed with the burning composites of plastic, iron, and concrete after the planes hit the towers. Extremely toxic. Many of the rescue team members are diagnosed with cancer years after 911. Gordon is no exception. A few years ago, he was diagnosed with three types of cancer. When he met us, he said, "I know my days are numbered. But don't worry about me. I know where I'll be going after I'm dead."
我问Gordon：“当年你本可以离开现场，跟所有人一样，你现在回想，会后悔吗？”
I asked Gordon, "You could've left the scene, like everybody else. Thinking back now, do you have any second thought?"
他说：“我曾无数次的想过这个问题，如果再来一次，尽管知道最后也许因病痛而提早离开这个世界，撇下当下所有的恐惧的情绪，我还是会这么做。我并不想当一名英雄，我也不是什么英雄，我只是听从了我内心的声音。”
He replied, "I thought about this question so many times. If I were in that situation again, even though I knew that I had to leave this world prematurely with pains, I'd leave all my fears behind and do the same thing. I wasn't trying to be a hero. I'm no hero at all. I'm just following my heart."
临别之际，我给了他一个拥抱。
Upon bidding farewell, I gave him a hug.
在911博物馆里还有千千万万的这样的故事，我止不住的想，人类在巨大的灾难面前，那种自救的逃生欲是非常强烈的本能，但总有那么一些人，他们在最艰难的时刻，他们自愿的承担起了巨大的责任，保护他人，哪怕代价是自己的生命，这是人类怎样一种伟大的精神。这些人是消防员、是警察、是救援工、是楼上楼下奔跑通知自己的员工尽快离开最终自己却遇难的老板，是一个又一个看似平凡的普通人。
Countless stories like this are stored in the 911 Memorial Museum. I couldn't help thinking that when facing great disasters, the human being has a strong instinct of saving oneself. But there's always a handful of people who will shoulder the great responsibilities in these dire moments to protect the others. Even at the cost of his or her own life. What a great spirit it is for the human race! These people are firefighters, police officers, rescue team, the bosses who told all their employees to escape and they themselves couldn't make it at the end. They are common people, one after another.
这几天读了很多疫情中普通人的故事，我止不住的想，人类所拥有的这些美好品质和精神，不仅仅只体现在有良好教育的精英阶层，它是每一个普通公民心中的正义与善意，这些普通个体在每个时代当权者记录历史的时候通常是被忽略的，但他们却是真正书写历史的人。
I've read many stories about the common people in this pandemic over the last few days. I couldn't help thinking all the beautiful qualities and spirits owned by human beings are not only just shown in the well-educated elites. Every common citizen has just and kindness in their hearts. They, often ignored by the history writers, are the real history writers.
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Love is All You Need 你需要的，唯爱，无它 by 笑雨 Xiaoyu
原文链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/wUrBMfhb2Er48J8EU8BE7Q
背景音乐 德彪西-月光
Riddle Apple Podcast https://apple.co/3tl9UBf
Riddle 喜马拉雅 https://bit.ly/riddleximalaya
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去年十月，我去杭州参加IDF纪录片节，那天晚上刚听完讲座，一个人在上城区晃晃悠悠无目的的散步，路过一个商场时被一位阿姨叫住，还没反应过来她就往我怀里塞了三朵玫瑰花。我正准备说我不买花，但她先我一步说：“姑娘，我今天在这里站了一整天了，没有卖出去一朵花。这三朵花我送给你，你收下吧。”
Last October, I went to Hangzhou to attend a documentary festival called IDF. After checking out a lecture at the festival, I went strolling in the city, with no purposeful destination on my mind. Walking past a mall, I was stopped by an auntie. Before I realized what was happening, three roses were forced into my arms already. The second I was about to turn them down, the auntie said, "Young girl, I've been standing for an entire day and sold not one single flower. These three flowers are a gift for you. Please accept them."
我迟疑了一下，然后向她表示了感谢，带着迟钝的思绪往前走了两步又退了回来，我说我买下这三朵花。她一直摆手说：“不用了，没有关系。”我坚决要付款给她，这会儿她叹了一口气又笑着说：“谢谢你，看来我今天晚上可以去吃一碗面了。”
I was both hesitant and grateful. Still processing what had happened, I came back after a few steps out. I said I wanted to pay for these three flowers. She kept shaking her hands and said, "It's all right. It's fine." But I was very persistent in paying her. She returned my offer with a smile and a sigh, "Thank you then. I can treat myself with a bowl of noodles tonight."
我带着三朵玫瑰花又绕着街道走了一会儿，心里实在放不下她，于是去便利店买了两罐热牛奶。顺着原路往回走，不知道她还在不在那里。我抱着试试看的心态，竟然真的找到她了。她仍然抱着一大束玫瑰花站在商场门口，等待路过的人停下来一分钟带走它们，哪怕一支也好。
With three roses, I walked around this block for a while. Yet my heart was still lingering on her. I went to a convenience store, bought two cans of milk, and then started to return, not knowing if she was still there or not. Luckily, she was still there. She was holding a big bouquet of roses in front of the mall, waiting for passers-by to stop for a minute and buy her flowers. Even if it was just one flower.
我拍了拍她的肩膀：“杭州的秋天晚上还是有点凉，我们一起喝点热牛奶吧。” 我担心她误以为我的行为是施舍，所以我打开了另一罐牛奶，站在她旁边，邀请她同我一起喝。这样的夜里，我们站在街边聊了很久。
I patted her shoulder, "Hangzhou's evening could be a bit nippy at fall. Let's drink some warm milk." Afraid that she might think that I was doing this out of charity, I opened my can of milk, standing by her side and inviting her to join this dairy party. We stood in this nightfall and that was how our long chat began.
她同我说了很多她自己的事情，她不是杭州人，伴侣离世后她再也没有重组家庭，一个人把两个女儿带大，如今一位已经结婚，另一位和我差不多大，目前在台湾读书。她这两年独自一人在杭州，用各种方式赚钱想要还完小女儿因读书所需向亲戚们借的费用，虽然收效甚微，但她还是想要尽最大的力量去支持女儿的选择，尽管她甚至说不清小女儿读的专业名称叫什么。
She told me many of her stories. She was not a local. She didn't start a family after her late husband passed away. She brought up her two daughters on her own: one already got married and the other was around my age and was studying in Taiwan. She lived in Hangzhou by herself for the last two years, trying to save up enough money to pay back what she'd borrowed for her little daughter's tuition fees. In spite of the slow progress, she still wanted to give it her best shot to support her daughter's choice of life. Even though she didn't even know the exact name of the major her daughter had chosen.
聊到后来，她的眼泪开始在眼眶里打转，她说她心疼孩子们，心疼大女儿执意这么早放弃学业然后结婚，心疼她们不是在她的陪伴下长大，她总是一人在外，所以她们以前常常怪她不像别人的母亲那样，怪她没有给她们足够的陪伴和爱。现在她们长大了，她却离她们更远了。
After a while, her eyes got welled up. She loved her kids with an endearing heart. She felt sorry that her first daughter gave up on her study to get married. She felt sorry that she wasn't there for them most of the time since she was always alone out there. They always blamed her for not being able to love them like the other mothers. Now that they'd grown up, they'd drifted farther.
记不清我们聊了有多久，伴着杭州秋天街道上的桂花味和嘴里的牛奶味，我有一种冷暖交织的奇妙感受。我对自己的无力感到愧疚，不论是行为还是言语上。但同时，我也感到震惊和恍惚，我知道这个世界上有很多人活得很用力且辛苦，但大多时候我都是在电影或纪录片里看到。当我面对一个真实且具体的人时，心里生出的复杂感受竟是观看影片后的几倍之多。
My memory failed to recollect how long we'd talked. With the osmanthus fragrance floating in the fall streets of Hangzhou and the creamy aftertaste in my mouth, I was overwhelmed by an interwoven feeling of coldness and warmth. I felt powerless about my incompetence, both behavior-wise and word-wise. Yet, at the same time, I felt shocked in a trance. I knew many walks of life were living a laborious life, yet I learned about most of them in movies or documentaries. And when I faced an authentic and concrete human being, the complexity of my feelings incurred by that person tripled or quadruple those by a movie.
临走前，她对我说：“姑娘，如果我们有缘以后在哪里见到，下次让阿姨请你喝一杯什么吧，让我把你当女儿一样对待，我们一起坐在那里待一会儿。虽然我没什么钱，不能请你吃啥好的，但我想你一定不会介意，对吧。”
Upon bidding farewell, she uttered, "Young girl, if destiny brings us back together somewhere, allow me to treat you a drink or something. I'll treat you like my own girl. We'd sit somewhere and spend some time together. I am no wealthy. So can't get you anything fancy. But I don't think you'd mind that, do you?"
这美妙的经历让我想起一句话，但不记得是谁说的了。“Let everything happen to you, beauty and terror. Just keep going, no feeling is final. 让所有的事情都发生吧，无论是美丽的，还是恐怖的。一直去感受吧，感受并无终点。”：）
Such a beautiful experience reminded me of a sentence. But I can't remember who said it. "Let everything happen to you, beauty and terror. Just keep going, no feeling is final." :)
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僧人与佛窟 A Monk and His Caves by Panhan Chen 陈泮寒
原文链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/NIcbOh2-PArTe61pVBzIOQ
背景音乐 Adrian Disch - Ready
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这里是我与一位僧人的故事。故事发生在去西藏旅行期间。 This is a story between me and a monk. The story happened on my trip to Tibet. 我们在西藏的土路上走，翻过一座山，又转过一座山，来到一座布满洞窟的山——大大小小的洞窟，看起来少说有不下几百个。据说，这里曾经是僧人们生活、修行、讲经论道的地方。 We were trekking on the dirt road of Tibet. Mountains after mountains, we came to one full of caves. There were at least hundreds of them around this mountain. We'd been told that these caves were where monks used to live, conduct their spiritual practices and teach and preach Sutras--ancient holy texts of Buddhism. 常年身处戈壁，土山上的一个个洞窟已经变得残破不堪，大部分已经被风沙埋掉了一半儿。山脚下新修建了一座小村，村民说，几十年前，他们也是住在这座土山上的窟里的。 Corroded by the desert weather, the caves looked quite shabby. Most of them were buried in the sand. The local people, from the newly built village down the mountain, told us they also lived in the caves decades ago. 村里的茶馆内坐着一位着便装的老人，随身带着一根拐杖。我们说起要爬山去看洞窟。“想看壁画吗？”旁边的人问道，指了指老人：“跟着他”。 A casually dressed old man sat in the tea house in the village, carrying his cane. We said we wanted to check out the caves in the mountain. "Wanna see the murals as well?" A stranger asked us while pointing at the old man. "Follow him". 于是，也没有什么交流的，我们起身。 Then, no words were exchanged. We got up and took off. 老人的体力出奇的好。在我们几个年轻人都已经直喘粗气，不得不停下来靠着矮墙坐下休息时，除了脖颈处的几颗汗珠，老人的脸色还是一样平静。 The old man's stamina amazed us all. Despite our young ages, we were panting heavily. Intermittent breaks of sitting by the walls alongside the road had to be made so that we could catch our breaths. Yet it was all calmness on the old man's face, except a few sweat drops around his neck. 盘山路的终点是一座和洞窟一样依山建成的红房子，老人拿出了一大串钥匙，找到开门用的那把。我们进屋。只有一间屋子，屋里摆放着两张藏族人家里几乎必备的、既能睡觉又能在接客时充当沙发的藏床，正中间放着的火炉也是当地每家每户都会用的那种。靠着山的那一面却没有墙，取而代之的是一扇木门。老人找出另一把钥匙。在进门前，他提醒我们摘掉帽子。 The end of the hilly road was a red house, resting there with all the caves at the foothill. The old man took out a bundle of keys and found the one to the house. It was a one-room house equipped with two household musts in a Tibetan family: two Tibetan beds/sofas with both the functions of sleeping and receiving guests and a furnace in the middle of the room. The side facing towards the mountain had no wall. In its place, it was a wooden door. The old man opened it with another key. Before exiting the door, the old man reminded us that we should take our hats off. 门后是另一个洞窟，但显然受到了更加用心的呵护。窟中很暗，仅点了两盏小小的煤油灯。通过灯光，四周墙壁上一个个精美的人像和图画得以映入眼帘。老人递给我们一个手电筒：“不要拍照。拿手机拍可以，不要用相机拍。” It was a cave on the other side of the door, yet with noticeable extra care. In the dark cave, two flickers of lights from the kerosene lamps showed what lied in front of our eyes: intricately drawn human figures and sceneries on the walls of the cave. The old man handed us a flash torch and reminded us, "Don't take any photos. Not with your camera. Phones are OK." 墙上的壁画刻画的大多是佛教中的各大佛祖、菩萨、金刚以及各派高僧们，还有少数印度教主神，其中包括蓝皮肤又多手的湿婆。“为什么这里会有印度教的神啊？”我们问老人。“这个地方古代的时候啊，哪里来的人都有，所以哪里的神都画。但是画得最多的还是我们格鲁派的僧人。画上那些穿黄衣服的，都是格鲁派。” Most murals on the walls were Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, Caturmahārājakayikas and respected monks in different schools of Buddhism. A few of them are Hindi gods, including the blue-skinned and multi-handed Shiva. "Why Hindi gods here?" Our curiosity drove such a question. "In ancient times, people from different places came here. So they drew different kinds of gods and goddesses here. But most mural painters are my fellow monks from the Gelug school of Buddhism. Those dressed in yellow are Gelugs." “那这些画是在多久前画的呢？”我们又问。 "When did they draw these murals?" We asked again. 讲起这个壁画佛窟的故事，老人操着他那不太流利的汉语，滔滔不绝起来。他讲起早在几百年前，古格王朝兴盛时，这些佛窟四周也是最为繁华的。又讲到当年文化大革命，疯狂的人们如何找到这里，销毁了窟中供奉的那尊最大的大佛。 Speaking of the stories about the murals, he started to get eloquent even though his Mandarin was not that fluent. He said when Gelug Dynasty was in its prime hundreds of years ago, these Buddha caves were quite busy and bustling. Then he also talked about how people demolished the biggest Buddha in the cave during Cultural Revolution. 老人说他已经守在这里几十年的时间了。这件半山腰的红房子就是他的住所。他说很多人都搬走了，他留在这里，是想保护这些千百年前的同宗信徒们留下的圣像。 The old man said he'd been guarding this place for decades. This red house is his domicile. He told us many of his neighbors had moved out. He chose to stay, hoping to protect the holy figures made by his fellow believers hundreds of years ago. 由于自然的蚕食和游客不断的破坏，洞窟和壁画的完好程度每况愈下。几个月前，两个同样内有壁画的佛窟不堪风吹日晒而塌方，而那些较普通的、位于路边的洞窟，则沦为了行人游客的厕所。 The conditions of the murals and caves deteriorated due to the corrosive destructions by mother nature and human tourists. A couple of months ago, two caves with murals inside caved in in blustery weather. Those ordinary caves beside the roads became temporary toilets for a lot of tourists and passers-by. 若没有这样一个守护者，那满山佛窟或也时日无多了。 If it weren't for a guardian like him, the caves would be seeing his last days in the mountain. 而老人守着的，岂止是那几千画像和佛窟，又何尝不是一个僧侣的信仰呢。使得老人能够几十年如一日坚持下来的，除了坚定不移的信念，是否也有从中收获的喜乐呢？ What he's guarding is more than thousands of murals and caves. It is the belief of a monk. Other than such an adamant belief, could he also acquire joy from staying here for the last several decades? 我们下山时，老人也上路了——那是走向山顶的路。在那里，和那一路上，有更多的佛窟在等着他，在需要着他。临别，老人冲我们微笑。 When we trekked downhill, the old man also hit the road--a road leading to the mountain top. Over there and along the road, more caves await him and need him. He smiled a farewell to us before disappearing into the mountain. 同行者说：“老人是可怜的，一生一人驻足于荒山。但转念，却是最令人羡慕的，因为他的一生将献予其所最爱的。” My fellow traveler said, "We feel sympathetic because the old man stayed in a forsaken mountain all by himself in his life. Yet, with a second thought, we feel envious because he's devoted himself to the love of his life.
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