Afleveringen
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Conflict is no oneâs favorite, but it is an inevitable part of life. And today Donna Jones teaches us why itâs nothing to be afraid of by busting some of the most common misunderstandings that lead to conflict avoidance, and providing a biblical roadmap to handle conflict in a healthy way.
Tune in to learn more about approaching conflict in a healthy, biblical way.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
The biggest mistakes most couples make in conflict
The trick to de-escalate in the heat of the moment.
The inner characteristics that build better conflict habits
Help to break conflict patterns in your marriage
The healthy way to apologize well
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
âWhen we handle conflict in a healthy way, the outcome is peace. Peace between us and who we have conflict with; peace in our own souls.â - Donna Jones
âWhen we are in conflict, it literally affects everything about us. We function, but on the inside, weâre torn to pieces.â - Donna Jones
âThe reason so many of us think conflict is bad, is that we never learned to see how conflict can turn out good.â - Donna Jones
âWhen we have conflict, we tend to think it means 1 of 3 things: Thereâs something wrong with you; thereâs something wrong with me, or thereâs something wrong with us. But conflict doesnât mean that.â - Donna Jones
âNo relationship can survive an atmosphere of disrespect over the long haul.â - Donna Jones
âThe most important thing is not an act, itâs an attitude: Humility.â - Donna Jones
âIf you want to know how strong a person really is, look for humility.â - Donna Jones
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Order Donnaâs book Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life today!
Find Donna on her website, on Instagram @DonnaAJones or Facebook @donnajonesspeak/
For more help to break the conflict cycle, sign up for Dr. Kimâs â8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinarâ
If your marriage is feeling a bit blah, the Marriage Refresher is the jumpstart you need to bring fresh life into your marriage!
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We have gotten a lot of questions about gaslighting and narcissism, and today Dr. Kim is answering. This topic is layered and one podcast episode cannot take the place of more in-depth interventions, but we can offer helpful and hopeful next steps. In todayâs episode weâre covering how to know what constitutes abuse versus the sin nature we all struggle with. Listen for
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
Marriage counseling doesnât work with abusers â So what does?
Can a marriage recover after long-term gaslighting?
How to diagnose abuse using the power and control wheel
Does the âgray rockâ strategy work in marriage?
Reasons why emotional abuse is often dismissed
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
âNarcissism is all about power and control. Neither of those have a place in marriage at all.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âI don't think God expects anyone to live in an abusive situation. In many ways, itâs as much a violation of vows as adultery is to not take seriously your vow to love and cherish your spouse.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âYou deserve to be safe.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âIf you look at the message of the BIble, you canât defend any type of abuse, for any person, ever.â - Lindsay Few
âThe goal would be repentance and reconciliation.â - Lindsay Few
âThe reason a lot of people minimize emotional abuse because they havenât seen it.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âIâve seen people who gaslight and don't really understand what theyâve been doing.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âNobodyâs uplifted or brought closer to Christ through manipulative behaviors.â - Lindsay Few
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
The Power and Control Wheel is helpful to understand what constitutes abuse
If your marriage is doing okay but could use a jumpstart, then this 5 Week Marriage Refresher Challenge is for you!
Past episodes on the topic:
Gaslighting in Marriage
Accidental Gaslighting
When is Enough Enough? With Dr. David E. Clarke
Recent series with Kathyâs Story
Escaping an Emotionally Abusive Marriage: Kathyâs Story | Ep. 608
Escaping an Emotionally Abusive Marriage Part 2: Seeking Church Support | Kathyâs Story Ep. 609
Escaping an Emotionally Abusive Marriage Part 3: Help to Get Out and Get Safe | Ep. 610
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Is there a war on fathers? Our guest on todayâs podcast thinks so. The impact of fathers on their kids is so valuable, yet itâs incredibly difficult to know how to engage purposefully in the process of parenting.
If youâve had a hand in raising kids, you already know that parenting is not for the faint of heart! Thatâs why we are so thankful to share todayâs episode and Kent Evansâ practical advice and encouragement for dads. Kent Evans is a wise and helpful mentor for dads who are searching for their purpose in parenting. Listen and learn Kentâs simple, practical tips for dads and moms alike.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
What prevents dads from being confident to engage in fatherhood?
The reasons why your kids need an imperfect dad
Advice for the dad who feels like itâs too late to start to engage well
Steps to growing in your purpose as a dad
Advice for the wife who wants her husband to engage
An incredible tip for finding friends & community
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
âSatan wants us to take us out of the fatherhood game by getting us to self-select and walk off the field.â - Kent Evans
âGod wants to be known as a dad, therefore thereâs a war on fathers.â - Kent Evans
âMy experience as a dad is that God can take care of the things I mess up.â - Dr. Kim
âEven if we could be perfect, it would not be beneficial. It would deprive them of the example of how to fall off the horse then get back on.â - Kent Evans
There are few things more motivating to a man than the praise of his wife, but itâs multiplied by an exponent when she does it in front of the children.â - Kent Evans
âI didnât get it right. I didnât do it perfectly, but God took my loaves and fishes and they landed as nourishment.â
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Grab Kentâs great tools for dads at ManhoodJourney.org
Listen to the Father on Purpose Podcast
With the Creative Questions Bundle you will NOT lack for great conversation topics! Get all the details here!
Sign up here to get the Coupleâs Conversation Guide for each episode!
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Marriage doesnât have to get boring ⊠but for too many couples, it has. If youâre ready to break out of the routine and restore the joy in your marriage, this one's for you!
Listen for ways to have more interesting and connective conversations, new ideas of things to try, and how to avoid common mistakes that keep couples from enjoying their marriage.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
Better questions to ask for better conversations
2 common mistakes that keep couples from having fun together
Several ideas for fun things to try
For Dr. Kimâs bullet point list of steps, sign up for the Conversation Guide
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
âWhen weâre dating our future wife, we guys up our game.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âWe loved our time with our kids, but we realized we also had to be intentional about our marriage.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âYou have to give yourself time to do the fun stuff. The mundane will still be there when youâre done.â - Lindsay Few
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
With the Creative Questions Bundle you will NOT lack for great conversation topics! Get all the details here!
Check in on your marriage each week with our Weekly Check In Guide to keep your connection strong
Sign up here to get the Coupleâs Conversation Guide for each episode!
Questions to Help Your Spouse Open Up
Is there a marriage resource you need us to make? Tell us your idea!
Arlene Pellicane will be on the podcast later this summer. She has written some great books on tech in the family!
Cool, Calm and Connected: 5 Digital Habits for a More Balanced Life
Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World
Screen Kids: 5 Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World
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Do you ever feel like you and your spouse are two ships passing in the night? Strangers living under the same roof? Business partners executing the plans youâve made for your kids and household? Then youâre in a disconnected marriage. The marriage relationship should nurture both spouses.
If youâve lost the connection in your marriage, or just want to step up from where you are right now, tune in today to learn the practical steps for reconnecting.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
Why do couples disconnect?
The steps to reconnection
A helpful source for fun marriage ideas and resources
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
âLittle tweaks can make such a difference.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âLiving separate lives is not going to get you a connected, fun marriage.â Christina Dodson
âWe werenât always there but we chose to stay in the marriage and work through things. Itâs worth it.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âYou can continue to grow, but you have to work at it.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Check in on your marriage each week with our Weekly Check In Guide to keep your connection strong Creative Questions Bundle
Sign up here to get the Coupleâs Conversation Guide for each episode!
The Sex Talk course equips you to teach your kids about sex in a biblical, God-honoring way
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If your marriage communication is a struggle, you are NOT alone. So many marriage issues come back to communication, and if your communication is awesome, your marriage will be too! But most of us will have some trouble with communicating well with our spouse, and itâs the biggest issue couples ask us for help with. Thatâs why today weâre equipping you with 6 tips to communicate well in the good times and in the bad.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
How to talk so your spouse can listen
Use the âtitle pageâ trick to help your spouse listen to you
Dr. Kimâs 6 tips to communicate well
How to find a good counselor if you need one
How to restart the openness & honesty in your marriage
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
âI think what happens for guys is that when weâre dating our future wife, we up our game.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âItâs hard for me to put my thoughts and feelings into succinct words.I can easily ramble on⊠but that doesnât make for good communication.â - Lindsay Few
âThe bottom line is you want them to hear what youâre saying, so how do you best communicate in a way that theyâre going to hear it?â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âIf youâre going through a hard time, call it that. Work together to reclaim your time and energy.â - Lindsay Few
âWe canât give away every piece of our heart, mind, time and energy to things that drain the life out of us.â - Lindsay Few
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Get the Coupleâs Conversation Guide for each episode by signing up here!
The Sex Talk course equips you to teach your kids about sex in a biblical, God-honoring way
Dr. Kimâs blogs on questions to ask your counselor:
4 Qualities Your Christian Counselor Needs
3 Things A Counselor Needs To Believe to Help Your Marriage
3 Mistakes Couples Make When They Try Counseling
Our FREE Weekly Check In Guide helps with regular communication
Making Your Marriage a Refuge with Special Guest Gary Thomas Ep. 530
Achieving Awesome Communication in Marriage YouVersion Plan
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It often feels like the world around us is too broken. Where would you even start if you wanted to try and fix it? On the podcast today, Charlie and Andi Ashworth answer this question, and thankfully their answer is much simpler and more doable than it might seem.
The Ashworths have spent decades sharing their creative gifts and encouraging others to do the same, and in todayâs episode they artfully equip you to take small steps toward creativity, community, and reflecting the light of Godâs love, right where you are.
Donât miss this bonus episode! We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
How should Christians engage with culture?
A call for culture making - and how simple it is to actually do it
Why the small things matter - and how to use them for good in your life
Hope for becoming the remedy to the loneliness epidemic
How to balance the desire for creativity and the need to get things done
Battling the dis-integration of âmundaneâ versus doing things we like
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
âWe make less and less meaning of everything now, because itâs happening so fast and weâre receiving so much information.â - Charlie Ashworth
âThereâs no small people; thereâs no small things. Everything matters.â - Charlie Ashworth
âWe donât know the stories that will continue after we do.â - Andi Ashworth
âIf all of life matters to God, then all of life matters to us.â - Andi Ashworth
âWe want a formula ⊠but it is a process.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âBased on your faith in Christ, what kind of culture are you making? Are you contributing good? Or are you contributing negativity?â - Charlie Ashworth
âItâs antithetical to the word of God and to creation itself to think that we as people of God are somehow standing outside of it. It actually creates an âusâ versus âthemâ mentality that is so unhealthy.â - Charlie Ashworth
âStart with where you're at: You're actually getting up and making culture every day.â - Andi Ashworth
âAs an artist, maturity looks like a seamless integration of a diversity of creativity over time.â - Charlie Peacock
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Charlie and Andiâs book, Why Everything That Doesn't Matter, Matters So Much: The Way of Love in a World of Hurt
Find more from the Ashworths on their website: https://thewriterthehusband.com/
Andy Crouchâs book Culture Making
Learn 7 reasons why your sex life may not be where you want it to be, and how to get it there! Sign up here for the 9 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life Webinar
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Your marriage needs trust in order to be healthy. Without it, your connection with your spouse will fade, and youâll experience more conflict and tension, and less of the closeness and intimacy marriage is meant to have. Donât stay stuck like this! Turn things around by closing the trust gaps between you and your spouse and make your marriage a safe refuge for both of you.
Episode highlights include:
Areas where you might not realize you lack trust
How to address it effectively with your spouse - without blaming
How to have grace in the rebuilding process
Tips to building financial trust
Practical tips to become more trustworthy with completing tasks
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
âWithout trust in a marriage, the marriage just crumbles.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âWe donât realize how valuable trust is until itâs broken.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âTrust can be unique to the person and the situation.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âWe have to own whatâs driving our trust-breaking behavior.â - Lindsay Few
âThe budget isnât a prison, itâs a plan. But sometimes it will be uncomfortable.â - Lindsay Few
âThe sooner you go to counseling, the sooner youâll resolve your issues.â - Lindsay Few
âIf you get stuck, you donât have to stay stuck.â - Lindsay Few
âYour spouse may make some mistakes, so look for Jesus in your spouse.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âI felt like he should trust me ⊠but my action was not giving him anything to trust.â - Lindsay Few
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Sign up HERE to get the Coupleâs Conversation Guide for each weekâs new episode
We are bombarded with negative messages about marriage. FIGHT BACK with our Reframing Challenge
If your marriage has been damaged by porn, the 5 Steps to Healing After Porn Betrayal webinar is a great first step to healing. Learn more or grab your spot here.
Warm Up Your Marriage (Past Episode)
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Today we answer some of the most frequently asked questions we hear about sex. Dr. Kim and Christina covered this on an episode in 2021, and weâve distilled their conversation into the most timeless and practical answers to common sex questions.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
How often is ânormalâ?
Dealing with dead sex drive
Is oral sex ok in marriage? What about anal?Is there such thing as too much sex when trying to conceive?
How to start talking to your kids about sex
What do do if your spouse withholds sex
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
âGuys, you have to continue to be romantic.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âI wanted my kids to talk to me about sex before they went to a friend or read it on a bathroom wall or a magazine. You want that door to be open.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âYou need to honor each other and respect each otherâs body to honor God in marriage.â - Christina Dodson
âGuys, if you please your wife first, does it really matter when you orgasm? There's this unspoken pressure.â - Christina Dodson
âThereâs always an answer. Iâve never had a couple we couldnât figure out an answer for.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âStay at the comfort level of the one who is least comfortable. If you do that, youâre going to be ok.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Sign up HERE to get the Coupleâs Conversation Guide for each weekâs new episode
Dr. Kimâs Marriage Multiplier is a quick weekly email with actionable insights to grow your marriage. Sign up HERE!
Resources we recommend for starting the sex conversation with your spouse
Celebration of Sex
Lovemaking Survey
Resources we recommend for talking to your kids about sex:
Donât Mom Alone Podcast Ep 328
Full Set - God's Design for Sex Series: Revised and Updated Edition by Stan Jones, Brenna Jones
Weâre delighted to partner with The Sex Talk, an excellent online course to help you navigate this topic well
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Trust in marriage is not one-size-fits all. There are many areas where your marriage needs trust in order to thrive, and some might matter to your spouse more than they do to you, and vice versa. So today weâre talking about how to navigate any trust gaps you may have with your spouse, how to start the conversation about it, and rebuild whatâs been broken so you both feel more connected and secure in your marriage.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
Several types of trust marriages need, and why they matter
The side effects of missing trust
Simple steps to catch a trust slip-up so that trust is not broken
Specific trust-killers you need to avoid
How to build trust - and keep it
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
âIt helps to build trust if you accept me as I am, not as you wish I would be.â - Lindsay Few
âI may not even be aware if I did something that affected the trust, and I want to know.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âIf itâs important to her and it keeps coming up, I want her to tell me about it.â Dr. Kim Kimberling
âIâd be so offended when he didnât trust me, but when I think about the reality, I wasnât trustworthy.â - Lindsay Few
âTrust is between two people. Itâs not just your perception of yourself.â - Lindsay Few
âItâs not like we quit making mistakes, itâs just that we handle them differently now.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
What would happen if you took the next 4 weeks to reframe your spouse and your marriage with a biblical approach? Cultivate a better perspective â and a better marriage, with our Reframing Challenge
Sign up HERE to get the Coupleâs Conversation Guide for each weekâs new episode
Does your sex life need a reboot? Improve your sex life with our Locking Lips Kissing Game!
If your marriage has been damaged by porn, the Marriage Undefiled Online Course provides a path to rebuild trust and repair your marriage.
Click HERE to get the Coupleâs Conversation Guide for each weekâs new episode!
The free printable Weekly Check Up is a simple way to keep short accounts and keep building trust.
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Does lust have a place in marriage? What sets it apart from sexual desire? Today weâre working through the reasons this question matters for your marriage, and how to have a marriage that glorifies God in every aspect, including how you steward your sexual desires.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
Defining the difference between lust and desire, biblically
The godly purposes for sexual desire in marriage
Specific reasons why misused sexual desire is destructive
How to maintain purity in marriage
Why porn affects your marriage even if your spouse doesnât know you use it
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
âLust is more about what you see, what youâre attracted to and what it can do for you.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âIn the Bible, itâs not like they lived in a Puritanical culture at that time. No, it was probably every bit as badâŠwe just access things in a different way now.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âIf we look at Scripture, lust was never mentioned in a positive light.â - Lindsay Few
âWe wonât ever clear that bar, but heâs taken care of it through his life, death and resurrection, so there is grace and forgiveness.â - Lindsay Few
âThe best sex is within the context of a Christian marriage.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âIf itâs reduced to that âjust get it over withâ kind of situation, whoa. Red flag. The goal is not just to satisfy the urge, the goal is mutual enjoyment, pleasure, connection and building of the marriage.â - Lindsay Few
âVulnerability is uncomfortable, but it can lead you to prevent something a lot more painful.â - Lindsay Few
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
If your marriage has been damaged by porn, our free 5 Steps to Healing After Porn Betrayal webinar with Dr. Kim is a great first step toward healing
Our Marriage Undefiled Online Course with Matt Cline takes a deeper look at ways to heal and restore your marriage
Sign up HERE to get the Coupleâs Conversation Guide for each weekâs new episode
Getting Your Sex Life Off To A Great Start by Cliff & Joyce Penner
The Gift of Sex by Cliff & Joyce Penner
The Best Way to Affair Proof Your Marriage (Past Episode)
Does your sex life need a reboot? Improve your sex life with our Locking Lips Kissing Game!
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Most couples are not going to be completely aligned with sex drive. There are a lot of factors that can cause this, but there are also a lot of solutions!
Today we want to equip you to have a productive approach to making your sex life the best it can be in marriage.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
Why is it so hard to have a productive conversation about sex?
Should the lower-drive spouse âjust do itâ for the spouseâs sake? Why or why not?
Why respecting your wifeâs drive level helps her feel sexy
Ways to respect your spouseâs drive
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
What would happen if you took the next 4 weeks to reframe your spouse and your marriage with a biblical approach? Learn how to have a better perspective â and a better marriage, with our Reframing Challenge
Does your sex life need a reboot? Improve your sex life with our Locking Lips Kissing Game!
If your marriage has been damaged by porn, the Marriage Undefiled Online Course provides a path to rebuild trust and repair your marriage.
Click HERE to get the Coupleâs Conversation Guide for each weekâs new episode!
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Do you hope to break generational patterns of pain? Are childhood hurts haunting your marriage? Todayâs guest Kristen Hallinan is a writer and speaker, and today she helps you see how to identify and break generational patterns to find hope, healing and redemption.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
How your past trauma can affects your current reactions
What makes it so hard to break cycles
Red flags of unhealthy family dynamics
How to work with God to find his redemption
Steps to making a redemption plan for your marriage
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
âIt can be easy to say, âWhy didnât I know better?â You didnât know better because thatâs all you knew.â - Kristen Hallinan
âThe more Iâve gotten to know who God is, the more I understand who I am.â- Kristen Hallinan
âI used to believe if I just tried hard enough, I could grow up and create this perfect family.â - Kristen Hallinan
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Sign up HERE to get the Coupleâs Conversation Guide for each weekâs new episode
Learn more about how to make your marriage conflict healthy by joining Dr. Kim for the 8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinar
Dr. Kim recommends the book, The Body Keeps the Score
Grab Kristenâs book, Legacy Changer for more great info on the topic
Follow Kristen on Instagram and check out her website
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Today we are sharing the final episode with Kathy McAtee Young and her story of finding safety after decades in an abusive marriage. In this episode Kathy shares some of the barriers that prevent spouses in abusive marriages from seeking safety and help, ways to begin moving out of the abusive relationship, and the ways healing begins afterward.
Donât miss the conclusion to Kathyâs story. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
Reasons that abused spouse donât trust their own judgment
Steps to get out of an abusive marriage
Is it ever appropriate to intervene if you believe someone is being abused?
What the process of healing looks like after you get safe
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
âOne of the hallmarks of an unsafe relationship is confusion.â - Kathy McAtee Young
âGod sees you. He cares. And he is faithful.â - Kathy McAtee Young
âWe donât want your pity. Compassion, yes. There is a difference.â - Kathy McAtee Young
âHealing is a lifestyle, not a finish line.â - Kathy McAtee Young
âWhen you can name it, then you can process it.â - Kathy McAtee Young
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline : 800-799-7233 https://www.thehotline.org/
Visit Kathyâs website to learn about the helpful resources and services she offers
Kathy can also be reached for coaching on Instagram
This previous episode explains a Biblical perspective on abuse
Lies That Keep You With Your Abuser with Dr. David E Clarke | Ep. 541
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Today in Part 2 of Kathyâs story, Kathy shares the ways she sought support from the church when she realized her marriage was in trouble, the responses she received, and the effects that had on her marriage. In this episode Kathy shares why itâs not possible for the abused spouse to end the abuse, and the difference between biblical versus unbiblical advice about abuse.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
Interventions the church put in place, and why they were not successful
The wake up moment that turned things around for Kathy
What is an appropriate response to spousal abuse?
The red flags that advice or counsel about abuse is unbiblical
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
Red flags that advice or counsel about abuse is unbiblical
They wonât call out that abuse is abuse
They will not call the abuse sin
The safety of the abused spouse is not top priority
There is no call for repentance
They advise you to stay, regardless
Blaming the abused for the abuse
QUOTES
âThere is one person responsible for abuse: It is the abuser.â - Kathy McAtee Young
âThe Bible definitely commands forgiveness. It does not command reconciliation.â - Kathy McAtee Young
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline : 800-799-7233 https://www.thehotline.org/
Visit Kathyâs website to learn about the helpful resources and services she offers
Kathy can also be reached for coaching on Instagram
This previous episode explains a Biblical perspective on abuse
Lies That Keep You With Your Abuser with Dr. David E Clarke | Ep. 541
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When does an unhealthy marriage become an abusive marriage? Where can you go when you need to get out? In todayâs episode we hear part 1 of Kathyâs real marriage story. Kathy shares how she came to believe that divorce was the most God-honoring option in her situation, and how she found safety after 30+ years in an emotionally abusive marriage.
We are so grateful to Kathy for generously sharing her story. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
Dispelling myths about who falls into abuse
Why marriage counseling does not work in abusive marriages
How Kathy learned her marriage was abusive
Why she stayed as long as she did, and why she later divorced
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
This previous episode defines a clear Biblical perspective on abuse:
Lies That Keep You With Your Abuser with Dr. David E Clarke | Ep. 541
QUOTES
âI want to debunk the myth that abused women are poorly educated, lower income, women who can easily be taken advantage of. Thatâs just not accurate.â - Kathy McAtee Young
âWithin the first year, I knew we had troubleâŠâ - Kathy McAtee Young
âMarriage counseling does not work if thereâs abuse involved. I know that now.â - Kathy McAtee Young
âMost people who are narcissists are really good at it.â - Dr. Kim Kimberling
âYou have this idea that, âIf she could fix all these things, then I wouldnât be this way.â Thatâs the blame shifting.â - Kathy McAtee Young
âThe heart of abuse is power and control. Everything else is tactics.â - Kathy McAtee Young
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Do you fight fair, or do you wish there was a referee to call a stop to the foul play when you argue with your spouse? Ground rules are an important step toward having healthy marriage conflict, so today Dr. Kim will spell out how to make sure youâre fighting fair in your marriage. We want to empower you to fight fair, and resolve issues in a kind and loving way.
If you need help to fight fair and truly resolve issues without making things worse, you will love todayâs conversation.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
The DOs and DONâTs of fighting fair
The side effects of unhealthy conflict
A healthy way to âlet it all outâ
Can honesty go too far? How do you know?
Tips to the reconnection process - how to make up well
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
âWe both learned we needed to reconnect and apologize, but sometimes we werentâ ready to take that step at the same time. We had to learn that somebody needs to take the step. It doesnât really matter who started the fight or who was wrong.â
âTaking responsibility is huge. Owning your part in it, even if you think you only did 10%, you still did 10%.â
âWhat are you sorry for? Be very specific in what you did and why you're taking responsibility.â
âI say it a lot: One of the best gifts you can give your marriage is to learn how to resolve conflict.â
Forgiveness and apologies need to have no strings attached. Itâs just that I choose to do this.
Weâre not just trying to clear a slate so our spouse stops bugging us. Have you repented before the Lord? Thatâs where this starts.
We are accountable to Him before being accountable to our spouse. Did I just treat my spouse in the way He would have me treat them? If not, I need to take that up with Him
QUESTIONS FOR YOU
When you really think about it, how did it affect your spouse when you had this conflict?
Repentance. Learning from the mistakes made and committing to work on them together.
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Learn more about how to make your marriage conflict healthy by joining Dr. Kim for the 8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinar
Our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet is your quick guide to get marriage conflict on the right track.
If youâre ready to learn how to do conflict well, the Conflict Resolution Guide helps you diagnose the problem areas in your marriage, then learn the steps to resolve them.
TODAY is the last day for our 7 Most Popular Resource Bundle! Donât miss the chance to get 7 of our most-loved resources for 1 donation of ANY amount in support of the ministry of Awesome Marriage! Get all the details here!
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Sick of the same old fights over and over with your spouse? Learn to de-escalate marriage fights and resolve issues in a healthy and helpful way. Conflict in marriage is inevitable, but the way you handle it is what matters most. Learning to deal with it well will benefit your marriage in so many ways! Tune in today to learn how.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
Common conflict pitfalls to avoid
The problem with âwinningâ marriage fights
Tips to help you break the fighting cycle
What to do if one spouse is not ready to reconnect
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
Are you stuck in a conflict cycle? If so, work together to identify whatâs triggering it.
Choose 1 tip from Dr. Kimâs list below that you will both agree to use this week.
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
âWhen we try our best to avoid conflict, weâre not really equipping ourselves with the skills to handle it well.â - Lindsay Few
âAwareness gives you some insight that can really be useful.â Dr. Kim Kimberling
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Learn more about how to make your marriage conflict healthy by joining Dr. Kim for the 8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinar
Our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet is your quick guide to get marriage conflict on the right track.
If youâre ready to learn how to do conflict well, the Conflict Resolution Guide helps you diagnose the problem areas in your marriage, then learn the steps to resolve them.
Itâs here! Our 7 Most Popular Resource Bundle is LIVE! That means you can get 7 of our most-loved marriage building resources by making 1 donation of ANY amount to support the ministry of Awesome Marriage! The bundle is available for a limited time only. Get all the details here!
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Learn how conflict can create a deeper connection between you and your spouse. Todayâs special guest, marriage coach Dana Che is very open about the struggles her marriage faced. In todayâs episode she shares her marriage story, what got them through, and how you can use the conflict you face in marriage to draw you toward deeper connection.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
What we can learn from our conflict triggers
How to deal with different conflict styles in marriage
Steps to break generational cycles in your marriage
The power of speaking life to our spouse and our marriage
How being emotionally unavailable tends to show up in husbands and in wives & what to do about it
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
âAs a wife, I knew I couldnât change my husband ⊠but that didnââ keep me from trying.â Dana Che
âWhen you actually engage in conflict, you can start to learn more about your spouse, whatâs important to them.â -Dana Che
âYouâve got to feed the right things if you want to change the wrong things.â - Dana Che
âJust like you learned that bad behavior, you can unlearn it and learn something new.â Dana Che
âTrue repentance is visible.â Dana Che
âWhat we believe, we will begin to speak. What we speak, we will begin to behave.â Dana Che
QUESTIONS FOR YOU
What does your most recent marriage conflict reveal about whatâs most valuable to you?
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Find more from Dana at DanaChe.com, where you can take her âConnection Checkâ quiz
Listen to the âReal Relationship Talkâ podcast
Joining Marriage Changers now means you score a huge haul of marriage-building goods when our annual *7 Most-Popular Resource Bundle* goes live on April 2nd!
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Why do Christians need counseling? Isnât the Gospel enough to transform us? We hear these questions fairly often. Today Dr. Kim and special guest Jason VanRuler dive deeper into these questions and the conversation about the role of therapy and counseling in a life devoted to following Jesus.
Donât miss this helpful conversation! We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
How often do clients have no idea that they havenât gotten past their past?
Unexpected ways your past might be showing up & affecting your marriage today
Updating the negative messages we believe about ourselves
The effect of vulnerability on our marriage connection
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
âWhere there's a disconnect in relationships, itâs often a disconnect from the system we witnessed growing up and what weâre trying to make happen today.â - Jason VanRuler
âWhen we get comfortable, the old ways seep out to the surface.â - Jason VanRuler
âEvery time a client says a negative message about themselves, I ask, is that the message you think God gave you?â - Jason VanRuler
âOne of my great joys is working with people to eliminate distractions so they can focus on the truth and live the life God has called them to.â- Jason VanRuler
âIf we want to feel connected and weâre not feeling connected, a lot of times that emotional intimacy and depth is the missing link.â - Jason VanRuler
âWhen we get vulnerable and honest, it attracts intimacy from our partner and we have a different relationship.â - Jason VanRuler
âThe marriage we want is often on the other side of vulnerability. We just donât often know how to get there.â- Jason VanRuler
QUESTIONS FOR YOU
Do you recognize any ways you havenât gotten past your past?
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Get Jasonâs book, Get Past Your Past
His site: https://www.jasonvr.com/
If youâre ready to heal your marriage from p*rn, join us for the â5 Steps to Healing After P*rn Betrayalâ LIVE webinar.
Joining Marriage Changers now means you score a huge haul of marriage-building goods when our annual *7 Most-Popular Resource Bundle* goes live on April 2nd! - Laat meer zien
