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If youâve been in or just left a relationship with a narcissist, you know how distressing anddestabilizing it can be.
Constantly questioning yourself, struggling to defend against their vicious, victim-like liesâitâs enough to make anyone furious.
The temptation to seek justice on your own terms is real. You want to call them out, tell them off, and dismantle every lie theyâve told. Anything to get revenge for the harm theyâve caused.
But HOLD ON.
What if I told you that thereâs a way to achieve far greater justice than you ever could on your ownâand that it would actually bring you peace?
Stay with me.
In this post, weâre going to talk about why taking revenge isnât the answerâand what God wants you to do instead.
Trust me, their downfall is coming, and youâll have a front-row seat to witness Godâs justice.
I recently went through a narcissistic attack from someone who was spiteful, vindictive, and deceitful.
The lies, manipulation, and malice were worse than ever before. And for the first time, I was the direct target of their abuse.
Iâll admit, my flesh rose up. I wanted to tell them off, expose their lies, and undo the damage they caused.
But something in my spirit told me to hold onâto ask, What would God want me to do?
As I cried out to God for strength, I heard Him speak clearly to my heart: Put your armor on. Therein lies your strength.
It stopped me in my tracks.
In that moment, I pictured Jesus standing in front of me, shielding me from the enemyâs attacks. I saw this powerful shield protecting me from every dart the enemy threw, while the Lord held back the forces of darkness. It brought me to tears.
Then I was reminded of Ephesians 6:12: âFor we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.â
The Real Enemy Behind Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissists are often used as agents of the enemy, though they likely donât even realize it. Theyâre sent to trigger and trip us up, causing us to react in the flesh.
Now, Iâm not excusing their behaviorâthey are still responsible for their actions. But their willingness to hurt others makes them a tool for evil.
So, what do we do?
Should we just give up, roll over, and let them walk all over us?
Absolutely not.
We prepare for battle. This is spiritual warfare.
Spiritual warfare is the fight to believe Godâs truth over the enemyâs lies.
When dealing with a narcissist, youâre battling deception.
The enemy attacks through lies, and one of his favorite portals is toxic peopleâthose who come in like sheep but are really wolves.
They deceive you about who they are, implanting lies that become strongholds in your mind.
The Armor of God: Your Protection Against Narcissistic Manipulation
The Bible tells us to put on the full armor of God so we can stand firm against the enemyâs schemes (Ephesians 6:10-13). Each piece of armor was designed to protect us in battles like this.
The Belt of Truth â This exposes the lies of the narcissist. It grounds us in Godâs truth, helping us see through their manipulations.The Body Armor of Righteousness â This protects our hearts. When we live in righteousness, we guard ourselves from reacting out of hurt or manipulation.The -
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Have you ever wondered why toxic people always seem to find their way into your life, no matter how hard you try to avoid them? You set boundaries, keep your distance, and yet, somehow, you still attract narcissists and manipulators. Maybe youâve even started questioning if itâs something about you thatâs pulling these people in.You're not alone. The truth is, there are certain traits that narcissists find irresistibleâand chances are, you donât even realize you have them.
In this episode, Iâm going to break down what those traits are, why you specifically have been targeted by toxic people, and most importantly, what you can do to stop attracting them and start repelling them.
Finding yourself repeatedly in relationships with narcissists can feel like being stuck in an emotional maze. Just when you think youâve found a way out, you somehow end up right back where you started. Itâs exhausting, and it can leave you wondering, âWhy does this keep happening to me?â
There are several reasons this pattern might repeat, and they often involve a mix of personal history, emotional dynamics, and the traits that narcissists find irresistible.
Letâs break down the first trait:
1. Past Trauma or Unresolved Childhood Issues
If you grew up in an environment where emotional manipulation, neglect, or narcissistic behavior was commonâwhether from a parent, caregiver, or family memberâyou might unknowingly seek out similar dynamics in adulthood.
These patterns can feel ânormalâ or even comfortable because they are what youâve always known, even if theyâre harmful.
When your early experiences involve emotionally unavailable or manipulative caregivers, it conditions you to tolerate these behaviors, creating a blind spot for red flags.
Narcissists can sense this tolerance and are naturally drawn to it because they know it makes it easier for them to enter your life and exert control. Itâs like subconsciously choosing the same story over and over, thinking this time it might end differently, but the narrative stays the same.So, if childhood trauma can condition you to overlook toxic behaviors, what about those traits that are inherently good?
2. Empathy and Compassion
Imagine this:
Youâre the person everyone comes to with their problems because you have a big heart and always know the right thing to say.
Youâre like the lifeboat in a storm, always ready to rescue others from their emotional struggles.
But what happens when the person in the storm doesnât want to be savedâthey just want to keep pulling you under?
Thatâs exactly what happens with narcissists.
They see your empathy as a resource they can drain.
They cling to you when theyâre going under, again and again.
Itâs like youâre a well, always willing to give, but they never stop to think about whether the well might run dry.
Your empathy might be a double-edged sword. Imagine youâre a spongeâable to absorb the feelings and needs of those around you.
While this makes you a nurturing, caring person, it also makes you a perfect match for a narcissist, who is like a leaky faucet.
They drip constant emotional needs and manipulation, and instead of addressing the root of their dysfunction, they expect you to soak it all up, leaving you drained.
But what happens when something even more desperate enters the mix?
3. Low Self-Esteem or Codependency
Imagine youâre trying to hold onto something fragile, like a glass vase.
You know itâs delicate, so you grip it tightly, afraid that if you let go even a little, it might shatter.
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Do you ever wish you had a device that could spot a narcissist before they wreak havoc in your life?Kind of like a blue light revealing hidden stains ?
Well, what if I told you there is a quick and easy way to do just that â no, unfortunately, not with a radar detector but rather with a simple question that can expose a narcissist in less than 5 seconds.
In this edition, Iâll reveal the key question you need to ask, the exact reaction to watch for, and what steps to take once you spot it.
First, let's understand the motive of a narcissist â yes, even ones that call themselves 'Christians' â and why you've been such an easy target for them.
You see, you are likely a caring, empathetic, giving person who enjoys being of value in a relationship.
By contrast, narcissists are fragile, self-centered, egotistical, envious exploiters. Their focus is not on pleasing you or even growing the relationship; it's all about self-protection and self-preservation. If it doesnât serve them, benefit them, or support them, theyâre not interested.
Shift the Dynamic
Instead of focusing on what to say to get them to change, let's focus on what to say to reveal them. Ready?
We're going to talk about three scenarios that expose the narcissist every time â IF you know what to look for.
Scenario #1: When You Need to Set a Boundary
Narcissists canât stand being told "No." They honestly believe they are entitled to unrestricted access and control over you. If youâve given it to them before, thatâs just more justification for their entitlement. Boundaries threaten their sense of superiority and need for admiration. It's like telling a child "No"; they can't see beyond their self-centered, immature view of the world that just wants what they want when they want it.
But there is one key difference between a narcissist and a child, and it's a scary one. Unlike a child, a narcissist knows how they come across, they know what is socially acceptable and unacceptable. That's why they have to find manipulative ways to get their needs met. If you have ever met a charming or conniving narcissist, you know how easy it is to be fooled by their façade.
Next time you need to set limits, avoid overexplaining, avoid justifying, and simply say, "I can't agree to that" or "I'm not okay with that." A healthy person will respond with something like, "Oh, OK. No problem." and move on. But a narcissist will continue to press and pry with manipulative questions designed to guilt you into giving them what they want.
Hereâs the key: no matter what question they ask or what statement they make, simply hold your ground with the same response. When they continue to press, ask this question: "It seems that you're only focused on your needs and not mine. Is that intentional?"
Count backward from five in your head, say nothing, and watch their reaction. Donât defend yourself, donât formulate what you're going to say next; just be still. A narcissist will respond with any one (or all) of the following:
Rage: "How dare you accuse me! Youâre the selfish one. I was just asking..."Victimhood: "This is the thanks I get for trying to work with you. I donât know what I did to deserve such abusive treatment."Insistence: They might initially agree but then come back later trying to find a "solution" for you to give them what they want.Whatâs missing is genuine care and regard for how you feel. The only concern is their image and your perception of them.
Scenario #2: When You Challenge Their Lie
If youâve been with a narcissist longer than 10 minutes, youâve been lied to. Lying is second nature to them. They lie even when
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Ever wonder where God is when you're up against a narcissist's nasty, toxic behavior?Whether your battle has been going on for 10 weeks or 10 years, narcissists always wreak havoc in the lives of their victims. Whatâs worse is that they seem to get away with everything:
No punishmentsNo consequencesNo justiceNot even so much as a slap on the wristThis can leave you wondering if they will ever be held accountable for their actions.
Five Things God Always Does to a Narcissist
Thatâs why in todayâs episode, weâre going to dive into the five things God ALWAYS does to a narcissist. Once these five truths are revealed, you will never again doubt God's righteous justice.
So before you start thinking they might get away with what they've done to you, stick with me. Not only will I show you how God ensures justice is served, but I'll also provide you with one practical step to restore your faith and see that justice is done in a timely manner.
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So, letâs dive into the 5 things God ALWAYS does to a narcissist.
This can best be demonstrated through gardening. Gardening is a process that, when done right, yields beautiful results. However, the process may not always make sense, especially to the inexperienced. But whether you have prize-winning begonias or canât tell a weed from a flower, this breakdown will cultivate your trust and certainty in God's righteous justice.
In gardening, thereâs a process to go from an overgrown, ugly garden to a beautiful, flourishing one. Sometimes that process doesnât seem to make sense, especially if youâre like me and donât know the first thing about gardening.
Step 1: He Leaves the Narcissist to Themselves
The first step may seem to happen all on its own, but remember, nothing falls outside of Godâs purview. In the case of the garden, itâs overgrown, and the weeds seem to have gotten out of control. An outsider looking in might wonder, "How could someone let this happen?" But God, in His infinite wisdom, will leave a narcissist to themselves. In other words, Heâs going to allow those weeds to grow.
This is where it feels the most frustrating, the most unjust, like God doesnât care about you and Heâs just like some spaced-out parent letting this little brat get away with murder. But the truth is, this is the most crucial phase. Without this phase, it makes the steps to come less just. He will let them wreck relationships, burn bridges, and do whatever it takes to bring them to rock bottom.
Romans 1:24 reminds us of what God did to those who didnât want to follow Him and instead followed after their own sinful, selfish desires: "Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another." This may seem like God has forgotten what theyâve done to you, but hang with me because He actually has a plan. This is also the phase where you have to recognize whether your actions towards them are truly loving or entirely enabling.
Romans 1:24 said, God handed them over... in other words, He didnât try to change them, He didnât stop them, He didnât just âloveâ on them. He let them be to themselves. Thatâs why it isnât always the most loving thing to tolerate their toxic behavior.
Step 2: Provides an Opportunity for Repentance
Because that can actually prevent the next stepâand they REALLY need the next step. In fact, it reminds me of when I was younger and saw one of our neighb
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Have you ever wondered why narcissists never seem to face the consequences for their actions?It seems like they just skate through life using, abusing, and manipulating people without so much as a slap on the wrist. What if I told you that God actually has a plan for dealing with narcissistsâeven your narcissist? And it doesnât involve you getting stuck in the mud with them.
Thatâs why today, I want to share with you the biblical proof that God has a strategy to handle these problematic people. By the end of our time together, youâll clearly see how His plan will bring you the peace you desire and the justice they deserve.
Before we dive into the scripture that will forever change how you see God's justice, I want you to come with me while I get my laundry done. No, Iâm not multitasking on you. Iâm actually here to share that Godâs justice works a lot like this washing machine.
You see, if youâre like me, your laundry is a mixture of dirty, not-so-dirty, and downright disgusting clothes. We throw them all together in one big bin, turn it on, and then check on it every three minutes...
Of course not. We walk away and let it do its thing. That is my hope today, that you will just let God do His thing. In other words, let God be God.
So, while weâre waiting, we can go back, grab a cup of tea, and chat.
The Scripture That Will Forever Change How You See God's Justice
Itâs found in the book of Psalms, chapter 37. Shall we start in verse 1?
Psalm 37:1-2
"Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away."
We could park there for half a day, but letâs keep going.
They will soon fadeâproof that the Lord is sovereign and knows what Heâs doing. Proof that the Lord will not allow this to go on forever, even when it doesnât look like it. You may be asking, "Lord, where are you? Do you not see what this person is doing to me? Do you not see how they hurt me?"
Itâs easy to fret and be enviousânot envious as in wanting what they haveâbut struggling because they donât seem to struggle the way you do. You want it to stop. You want a healthy, loving relationship. But my friend, that ship has sailed. So now the focus is justice (and if youâre being honest, vengeance). Maybe you donât need to see harm come to this person, but you are tired of there seeming to be no consequences in their life.
Every little move they make becomes your focus: every sin against you, every lie they tell, every self-centered, manipulative move. You keep adding it to the bank of bitterness. Before you know it, youâve taken the enemyâs bait, and he has you right where he wants you.
I know, Iâve been there. You pray for two minutes for this person, then go on for two hours about what theyâve done. The thoughts rail in your mind for hours and days until itâs all you can think about. Thatâs why you think the solution is to just get away from this person. But Iâm telling you there is another solution.
The Solution to Seeing Justice Served and Regaining Your Peace
It doesnât involve selling your soul and forfeiting your peace to do it. So what are you supposed to do? Is it possible that God just wants us to sit back and do nothing?
Psalm 37:3
"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Should You Endure Abuse?
You might be asking, "Kris, are you saying that I should stay and endure abuse?" âIs that what it means to âdo goodâ?
NO.
But if itâs uncomfortable, if there seems to be no way out, if there seems to be no change, no justice, no
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Have you ever felt like someone in your life is constantly dragging you down, leaving you mentally and emotionally drained? You canât quite put your finger on it, but you hate feeling this way about them. Yet, you canât deny that this person just isnât good for you. If youâre battling these conflicting feelings, youâre not alone â and you might be dealing with it right now.So you might be wondering⊠if these demonic individuals can appear so ânormalâ while causing so much chaos, how can you possibly identify them?
Look, we all know to walk away from toxic people and party animals, but what about those who deceive you into thinking theyâre positive? The real issue with these individuals is that their positivity only shines when it comes to negative things. They only encourage you and seem happy with you when you partake in their destructive behaviors. Misery loves company, after all.
The Story of Troy:
But first, itâs crucial to understand HOW these demonic forces infiltrate your life.
Letâs take a lesson from the legendary city of Troy. Renowned for its impenetrable walls, Troy fell victim to a cunning Greek plan after a long siege. The Greeks constructed a massive wooden horse, hid a select group of warriors inside, and pretended to abandon the siege, leaving the horse as a deceptive gift. The Trojans, believing they had won, brought the horse into their fortified city.
When night fell, the hidden Greek soldiers emerged, opened the gates for the rest of their troops, and completely conquered Troy from within.
THIS is EXACTLY how Satan operates. His mission is to kill, steal, and destroy. Before you think, âOh, I donât give in to Satan,â be careful; you might be giving in to one of his âgifts.â
If the devil canât get to you directly, heâll send a narcissist.
Thatâs why so many Christians are being fooled by these wolves in sheepâs clothing, applying a Pollyanna mentality and getting slaughtered. And this isnât a five-minute mistake; the repercussions can last years â even a lifetime.
So you may be wondering, if these demonic people look ânormalâ and can wreak that much havoc, how can you identify them?
Here are the signs to spot and walk away from toxic people!
Sign #1: Encourages You to Sin
We all sin and fall short of the glory of God, but godly people will call you out to bring you to repentance and restoration.
People sent by the devil, however, will actually encourage you in bad behaviors. And itâs subtle.
We know to avoid negative people, but what about those who fool you into believing theyâre positive? The problem is, theyâre only positive about the negative. They only encourage and are happy with you when you join them in their destructive behaviors.
Thatâs because sinners love company. 1 Corinthians 15:33 warns, âDo not be deceived: âBad company ruins good morals.'â
These devil-sent ambassadors only celebrate when you do something wrong, with encouragement like âGood for you, Iâm proud of you!â after you just drank too much or told off your boss.
They might say, âItâs normal⊠itâs only natural⊠wouldnât God want you to be happy? YOLO.â
If you resist, theyâll attack you with sayings like, âYouâre such a self-righteous stick in the mud⊠always a buzzkill.â
These people often appear as charismatic, fun-loving individuals, seeming like everything youâve been praying for, but in reality, theyâre on a mission to drag you down with them.
Sign #2: Manipulation and Control
This sign is likely one youâve endured on countless occasions, and not only ignored but blamed yourself for. Itâs because their twisted motives are cunning and hard to spot.
If youâve ever been told your feelings arenât reality, had you
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Have you ever been so fed up with a narcissist's behavior that you just wanted to call them out, tell them off, and expose their lies? Hold on!Before you take that leap, you need to know something crucial. What if I told you that calling out a narcissist will backfire in ways you never imagined? In this blog, weâre diving deep into why confronting them is a bad idea, what theyâre likely to do in response, and the surprising alternative God has for you.
But first, I want to share a story about Brenda. Brenda came to me years ago, overwhelmed by the realization that not only was her mother manipulative, but her 32-year-old daughter exhibited severe narcissistic traits. For years, Brenda believed her motherâs lies, thinking she was damaged and disrespectful. She took on the responsibility of trying to make her daughter more respectful and appreciative, never realizing the true nature of their behaviors.
When Brenda finally understood what was really happening, she was ready to confront both her mother and her daughter. With her daughter, she wanted to share what she had learned about narcissism, hoping to open her eyes and stop the abuse. But with her mother, Brenda was done. She was fed up with the lies and the blame that she had suffered her entire life. She saw through her mother's manipulative, gaslighting tactics and was determined to let her know she was onto her.
âSheâll have no choice but to stop once she knows Iâm onto her,â Brenda told me confidently. âBrenda, are you sure about that?â I asked. âYes, why wouldnât I be? Now I know, and she needs to know that I know,â she insisted.
Despite my advice to proceed cautiously, Brenda confronted both her mother and her daughter. She was loving but firm, ready to set the boundaries she had rehearsed in her mind for a week. But then, something unexpected happened. Both discussions spiraled into a toxic quagmire, leaving Brenda drained, confused, and feeling out of control.
âWhat went wrong?â she asked me, bewildered. âI was loving with my daughter and firm with my mother. What happened? Itâs like it backfired on me.â
I kept my mouth shut with the thought "I tried to warn you" lingering in my mind. Brendaâs situation is, unfortunately, all too common.
Whether your narcissist is a conniving coworker, a manipulative mother, an entitled child, or a childish spouse...
You've likely reached a point where you finally have a name for what you've been experiencing. You finally understand that their behavior is just as destructive as you sensed it was. You're done beating yourself up and you're ready to call it out. You're ready to call out the lies, the inconsistencies, the exaggerations, the half-truths, the manipulations... You're done holding it in. If there's any hope for them to change, if there's any hope to keep your sanity, you feel you have to say something.
Maybe you simply want to point out the contradictions in their stories so you can both finally get on the same page. Maybe they consistently say one thing one day and the complete opposite the next. Maybe your husband blames you for him having to work so hard, despite how many times youâve begged him to retire because âhe loves what he does.â So you ask, which is it⊠you love what you do, or you're doing this because Iâm making you? The truth is, the answer is whatever suits that moment, whatever makes them look like the hero and the victim. Neither is true and both are true. But since they canât take responsibility for themselves an
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Do you ever wonder how some people are able to handle toxic, evil people with such grace, while others constantly get sucked into the drama?
Join me as we dive into how wise Christians handle narcissists.
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Are you ready to expose those wolves in sheep's clothing? Join me as we dive into the 5 clues to spot a 'christian' narcissist.
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Do you feel like the magical connection you once had with the narcissist now feels more like a death grip?
You, my friend, have likely fallen prey to the narcissistâs deceptive new-age belief that is making Christians everywhere vulnerable to manipulative peopleâ that there is a pre-destined soulmate out there who will complete you.
I want to share with you why this new-age belief that you once thought was romantic and biblical is actuallyleading you down a path you may never recover from.
I also want to share with you the shocking reasons why the narcissist NEEDS you to believe this, plus how to recover if you've already fallen into this trap.
To do that, I want to tell you about Eli.
Eli was a talented potter who lived in a quaint village nestled at the edge of a lush forest. Eli was known all over the world for his exquisite pottery, each piece more beautiful than the last. However, Eli had a secret: he claimed a mystical clay from the forest was the source of his potteryâs beauty.
He spoke of a legend, a tale of "The Perfect Clay," a material so pure and adaptable that only the most deserving artisans, destined by the stars, could find and use it.
Intrigued by the promise of creating pottery as beautiful as Eli's, many villagers ventured into the forest, hoping to be the chosen ones to find "The Perfect Clay." Eli encouraged them, saying that only those with a true potter's soul, bound by destiny to the craft, would succeed. Yet, the forest was vast and the search endless. Many villagers became so obsessed with finding the mythical clay that they neglected their own craft, waiting for a destiny that never materialized.
Meanwhile, back in the village, Eli continued to produce his pottery, not from mystical clay, but from the same earth as everyone else.
His true talent lay in his skill and dedication, honed over years of practiceâNOT in a magical ingredient. The villagers, lost in the pursuit of an illusory perfection, failed to realize that the beauty of potteryâand indeed, lifeâlies in the passion and effort, not some magical formula.
Your narcissist is likely just like Eli, but instead of the perfect pottery, they're in search of the perfect partner.
In fact, this new-age belief that there is a perfect, predestined partner is likely what wooed you in the beginning but is now leaving you feeling inadequate and constantly striving for their approval.
Yes, narcissists believe in soulmates.And I'm going to share why.But I also want to share why you shouldn't.
Soulmates are based on thebelief that you are 'complete' once you find that ONE perfect person created just for you.
Believing that there's that one ideal individual that was created to complete you may sound romantic in movies, but it flies in the face of Colossians 2:10 that says, âYou are complete in Christ.â
So, my friend, if there is no cosmic connection in the universe that is pulling you toward another person and if the work of the cross is already finished for you, why do narcissists need to believe in soulmates?
Let's break down three primary reasons.
Reason #1: It guarantees lasting admiration
Narcissists are addicted to admiration, much like a plant basking in the sun's rays. It's a need.
This insatiable hunger for external validation fuels their s
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