Afleveringen
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Question: My husband and I adopted our nephews four months ago. The two boys are sons of my niece; she gave her kids to the Family Department five years ago, and last year, we at last knew about the boys. They've been a year with us. I have a daughter, 21, and a son, 17, who were okay with the adoption, but now they say they feel this is not their home; they don’t feel at peace in their house and think It was not a good idea to adopt, because of the hard situations with the kids. How can we affirm to our biological children that we did the correct thing to give the kids a family and that there is a process we must go through as a family to adapt?
Sibling RelationshipsHandling Negative Impacts of Adoption on Children Already in the HomePreparing Children Already in the Home for AdoptionHow Does Adoption Affect Siblings Already in the Home
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Do your kids drive you crazy over the holidays? Does their behavior escalate? Join our conversation to learn why and what you can do about it. We will talk with Erin Nasmyth is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) with a Master’s in Social Work. She is the co-founder of Adoption Support Alliance, which provides services and support to adoptive families. She has worked in the public and private adoption and foster care system.
Is it common to see behavioral changes for the worse during the holiday season?What are some of the behaviors you might see that allow our kids to drive us crazy?What are some of the stressors that we may not recognize that cause these behaviors? New thingsNew peopleChange in routinesParental distractionPast history with holidaysToo much of everything-sensory overloadPractical ideas of how can we make the holidays smoother for our kids and for youIdeas on how to get our family onboard for making these changes to our holidays to make it easier for our kids?
In this episode, we cover:Support the show
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Question: I see that you have information regarding prenatal substance exposure. Is there information regarding biological mothers that hate their pregnancy or their baby, but carry it to full term and put it up for adoption? Are there resources that would address the emotional impact on the baby?
Understanding the Birth Mom/Parent's ExperienceTalking with Kids About AdoptionRaising a Child with Prenatal Substance Exposure
Resources:Support the show
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Do you wonder if your child was prenatally exposed to alcohol or drugs? There may be nothing in the files, but something feels not right? We talk about diagnosing and treating these kids with Dr. Larry Burd, a professor of pediatrics at the University of North Dakota School of Medicine and the Director of the North Dakota Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Center.
Most of our audience is foster, adoptive, and kinship parents and professionals. Often they don’t know for sure if a child has been exposed. The US government estimates that about 10% of all children in the US have been prenatally exposed to alcohol or drugs. Do you have a feel for the percentage of children in foster care or who have been involved with the child welfare system? International adoption? Domestic infant adoption?Does prenatal exposure increase the likelihood of a disruption to a foster or adoptive placement?How is prenatal exposure to alcohol detected or diagnosed?What type of training do pediatricians receive during their education or residency on prenatal exposure and on how to diagnose?Can you tell at birth or in infancy if a baby has been exposed to alcohol in utero?How is prenatal exposure to drugs detected or diagnosed?How does birth order change the likelihood that a child who is at risk has been exposed during pregnancy?What are the long-term impacts of alcohol exposure? What are the symptoms that are most noticeable to parents, teachers, and other professionals working with these children?Alcohol exposure affects multiple systems in the body.Does it matter what type of alcohol was consumed?Who can diagnose a child with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder?What are the long-term impacts of the following drugs?OpioidsHeroin and FentanylDepressants (benzodiazepines, such as Valium, Xanax)-Prescribed and unprescribedStimulants-Prescribed and unprescribedMethamphetaminesMarijuanaTobacco/NicotineDo pediatricians have a body of resources to offer parents regarding raising a child with prenatal exposure?Tips for parents.
In this episode, we cover:Tronick's Still Face Experiment
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Question: I will ultimately decide on whether to try induced lactation to breastfeed an adopted baby on other factors, but I would like to make my decision with my eyes wide open. I like my breasts as they are, but I have been told all my life that pregnancy and breastfeeding change the breasts (making the breasts saggy and the nipples larger). Do adoptive parents who induce lactation suffer from similar issues? I have also heard of mothers who enter a depressive state during breastfeeding. Can you outline any other negative side effects of induced lactation?
Breastfeeding the Adopted ChildCreating and Cultivating Attachment with Your Adopted ChildPost Adoption Depression
Resources:Support the show
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Should you adopt a child of a different race? What things should you consider? Join our conversation with Dr. Gina Samuels, an adult transracial adoptee and a Professor at the Crown Family School of Social Work, Policy, and Practice at the University of Chicago. She is also the Faculty Director of the Center for the Study of Race, Politics, and Culture. Her scholarly interests include transracial adoption and mixed-race and multiethnic identity formation. We are honored to have Dr. Samuels as the Chair of the Creating a Family Board.
If you are a White parent, are there different issues you need to consider depending on the race of the child you adopt?Some families prefer to adopt a bi-racial child rather than a child who is all Black or all Latinx. What are the issues to consider?Is there a difference between transracial and transcultural adoption?What does it take to raise a child to have a healthy self and racial identity? How do they differ? Unconscious overlap between self and racial identity for White people.What are some of the issues parents should think about to determine if they are a family that should adopt across racial or ethnic lines? What should parents be prepared to do in order to help their children develop a healthy sense of self?Adoption is a family affair, so how should prospective adoptive parents prepare their extended family members for the adoption of a child of a different race or culture?How do you protect your child from family members who may not approve or are racist?What to do if you have someone in your family that you fear will not be accepting or will not treat your child fairly or is a racist?How do you find role models that racially mirror your child? Politic of transracial adoption in minority communities. What does the research show on how transracially adopted children are doing?What issues may come up with open adoption when adopting across racial lines?Preparation for transracial adoption goes beyond hair care; hair and skin care are important. What should parents know?
In this episode, we cover:Support the show
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
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Question: My husband and I are nearing finalization of our five-month-old adopted son. We don't currently have any other children. Throughout our time in the adoption process, I have spent time learning about adoption trauma and the complexities of adoption. I want to be well-informed as our son grows up and aware of the difficulties he may face. However, my question is, are there stories of adoptees, especially males, who have experienced emotional health and emotional success in life? I have heard many stories, both about and from, adoptees who have challenges with identity, maladaptive behavior, and experiences with other trauma, which make them at risk for suicide, addiction and depression. Are there any adoptive parents out there who are doing it right, whose adopted kids grow up to be well-adjusted adoptees, emotionally healthy adults who can form good relationships? Is our child doomed for a future of emotional trauma and struggle? I would love to hear their stories and learn from them as well.
Adoptee VoicesParenting Adopted ChildrenTalking with Kids About Adoption
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Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: -
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Does your child struggle with planning/organizing, time management, and impulse control? Join us for our interview with Dr. Joyce Cooper-Kahn, a clinical child psychologist who specializes in the treatment of children and adolescents with ADHD, executive functioning challenges, and other learning disabilities. She is the author of Late, Lost, and Unprepared: A Parents' Guide to Helping Children with Executive Functioning.
What is executive functioning?Example of executive functioning skills?What is it like for kids, youth, and adults who struggle with executive functioning?What is the experience of families with a child/youth with executive functioning difficulties?Why do some kids struggle with executive functioning? What other disabilities often occur with this deficit?At what age do we usually expect executive functioning skills to start developing?Who can diagnose an executive functioning disability, and why is it important to get a diagnosis?What can parents do to help kids improve their executive functioning skills or learn to live without them?Use real life to teachTeach rather than punishCollaborate with the child or youthBehavior modificationAdjust expectationsWhen should you allow your child to experience natural consequences for behavior?Practical tools for helping kids plan and organize.Practical tools for helping kids shift gears or handle transitions.Practical tools for helping kids with working memory challenges.Practical tools for helping kids control impulses.
In this episode, we cover:Additional resources:
Late, Lost, and Unprepared: A Parents' Guide to Helping Children with Executive FunctioningBoosting Executive Skills in the Classroom: A Practical Guide for Educators
Support the show
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
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Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: -
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Question: My niece has been living with her paternal grandparents for two years. She is now four and they have decided that it is getting too hard for them. We’ve agreed to take her in. She knows us, but we haven’t spent much time with her. What’s the best way to move her to our home that will cause the least psychological damage to her. She is very attached to her grandparents.
Kinship Parenting ResourcesTransitioning a Child to Your HomeCreating and Cultivating Attachment
Resources:Support the show
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Join us to talk about how kids understand adoption and how best to talk with them about adoption. Our guest is Camillia Whitehead, is a MSW and a licensed clinical social worker, and the Founder of Wise Care Consulting, LLC.
How does a child’s understanding of adoption differ by age?Toddlers & PreschoolersSchool AgeTweens/TeensYoung AdultsHow does openness or lack of openness impact a child’s understanding of adoption?How does transracial adoption impact a child’s understanding of adoption?How to talk about adoption at different ages?What are the important points you want to make sure your child understands at each stage?What are some common questions children ask at different developmental stages?Why didn’t my birth parents parent me?Can I go back to my birth parents?Do my birth parents think about me?Did my birth parents love me?Who do I look like?Why did they parent my sibling?How am I like my birth parents, and how am I different.”Why not wait for your child to ask questions and then talk with them?What if your child shows little or no interest in their adoption story?What to say when you know very little about the birth parents?How can you talk about adoption and the role of the birth father with young children who do not understand the concept of sex?How to handle the “You’re not my real mom or dad” statement?How to handle hard birth parent stories? What to do when your cultural or ethnic background is strongly prejudiced against adoption? Don’t outright lie. Think through carefully what you are afraid of by telling the child.That the child will be rejected by extended family?That you will be judged or rejected by extended family?That the child will share the information to others in your community?Accept that the odds are extremely high that the child is going to find out from over-the-counter DNA testing or someone in the family will tell or from 8th grade biology assignment. Accept that at some point the failure to tell is the same as lying. When adult adoptees who were not told by their parents were interviewed later in life they almost universally say that it was the lie that hurt the most and did the most damage to their relationship with their parents.Start laying the groundwork at an early age.Families are formed in different ways.All types of families are good.We had trouble having kids and we were so happy when you arrived.Try to establish connections with other adoptive parentsPoint out adoptive families when you see them in real life or TV or moviesReview your reasons for not wanting to tell and decide on an age that you will tell.Explain their adoption story.
In this episode, we cover:Support the show
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Question: Do you have any suggestions for articles or posts on telling a sibling that their new baby sibling is third-party conceived (e.g. donor egg)? We haven't told our 5-year-old son that we are pregnant yet, and I'm wondering if it is appropriate to tell him we used donor eggs at the same time we drop the big news that he will be a big brother. He will already have questions about conception. Too much info all at once?
Suggested Books on AdoptionBooks for Children Conceived Through Embryo DonationMore information on Embryo Donation/Embryo AdoptionSupport the show
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Teens and sex are a scary topic for lots of parents. How can we impact our kids' decisions and what do we say? Join our conversation today with Dr. Debby Herbenick, a Provost Professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health-Bloomington, where she leads the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior. She is the author of Yes Your Kid: What Parents Need to Know About Today’s Teens and Sex.
What do you believe a parent's role should be in sex education?How do you become an askable parent?How to talk with our kids about sex without sounding overly judgmental but also convey your values.5 minutes a week conversations.The importance of having high-quality books on puberty and sexuality around the house.When to start talking about sex with kids?How to talk with young people about consentImpact of technology (internet, social media, ubiquitous cell phones, etc.) on sexual development.What are reasonable parental rules surrounding technology usage?Taking and sharing sexual images--how common?How should parents even start talking with their child about nude images?At what age should we start this conversationHow to share the downsidePornography or sexually explicit mediaHow common do kids access porn, and at what ages?Is viewing porn bad for kids?At what age should parents start talking with kids about pornography?What should parents say about porn?How to keep our kids from viewing porn?How to respond if we catch our kid watching porn or know that they have viewed it?Having these discussions when we haven’t had a lifetime of raising this child?
In this episode, we cover:Support the show
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Question: We are seriously considering becoming foster parents. We have 2 children by birth, and I am really worried about how this will affect them and what I can do to prevent some of the negative effects.
The Impact of Fostering and Adoption on Kids Already in the Family (Resource)Talking with your Resident Kids about Foster Care or Kinship Care (Resource)
Resources:Support the show
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Are you often bewildered by your child's behavior? Check out this interview with Dafna Lender, a LCSW and a certified trainer and supervisor/consultant in both Theraplay and Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy. She is also an EMDR therapist. She is the author of “Theraplay® – The Practitioner’s Guide” and “Integrative Attachment Family Therapy: A Clinical Guide to Heal and Strengthen the Parent-Child Relationship.”
In this episode, we cover:
What is trauma? Trauma vs PTSD vs. Development Trauma DisorderNeglectHow does trauma impact the brain?How does this impact affect the child?Does the age of the child, when they experienced trauma, or the type of trauma affect the degree to which the child will be impacted?Impact of preverbal trauma- before the child has language and memory.If a child is able to leave the abusive situation, can it lower the impact of trauma or PTSD?Attachment trauma.
Impact of TraumaHow to Best Parent a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma
What is a typical behavior for a child who has experienced trauma?Internal working model formed with earliest caregivers that forms a template for future relationships with caregivers.The children often “reject you before you can reject them.” Importance of awareness of one’s own vulnerabilities and insecurities that may be triggered by caring for children with a history of trauma.How to help our kids heal and attach? Tips and Techniques.How to Discipline a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma
See behavior as developmental, not moral.Don’t spin into the future by predicting the worst. Deal with your fears.Recognize that ultimately, you can’t control your child. Understand what you can control, and you can only control yourself.Provide a balance of structure and nurture.Time-out?Support the show
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Question: I wanted to bring up something about your article on the risks for an expectant mom changing her mind. You have a point that says any placement before five months into the pregnancy is a risk. We recently had a match with a woman who was only four months along. We asked about this, and our agency tells us that there is no correlation between the time of the match and disruption. What is the truth?
Understanding the Birth Parent's Experience (Resource)Evaluating Risk Factors in Adoption (Resource)Choosing an Adoption Agency (Resource)
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One of the hardest parts of being a kinship caregiver is navigating the relationship with the child’s birth parent. We talk with Dr. Joseph Crumbley, a social worker, family therapist, and author of “An Overview of Kinship Care.”
Creating a Family listening sessions with kinship caregivers in rural counties.What are some of the complicating factors in the relationship between kinship caregivers and the child’s parents?Grandparents and other caregivers sometimes feel that the child’s parents will threaten them with taking the child away if they do something that the parent disapproves of.How to not enable the child’s parent but still have a relationship.How to set healthy boundaries for the caregiver’s and child’s best interest when you have years of experience not setting healthy boundaries?How to handle others in the family who interfere with the boundaries you’ve established?I don’t know if this is a question, but I really struggle with getting my kids opportunities to see their mom and siblings. All other siblings have been reunited, and I gather it’s painful for their mom to see the two that were adopted by us (she surrendered her rights). Although we live relatively close to them, we have only managed 2-3 visits a year, mostly because of long periods of no responses to my texts or last-minute cancellations of planned visits. Sometimes our adopted kids can’t even remember their siblings’ names and it just breaks my heart. I’d love for them to have a closer relationship, but I have only limited control.How to handle the anger, shame, guilt you feel at the child’s parents?How to support co-parenting when the child’s parent is still not in a healthy place?How to support reunification?
In this episode, we cover:For more information please refer to www.drcrumbley.com.
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Question: Can I use my home study for a different type of adoption?
Types of AdoptionAdoption AgenciesAdoption Attorneys
This question arises in the following types of situations. Someone is applying to adopt an infant domestically and gets a home study from a domestic adoption agency. They then decide that they want to adopt from foster care and ask if they can use their domestic home study for foster care adoption. Or, they have applied to adopt internationally and want to know if they can use their international home study for a domestic adoption or an adoption from foster care. Or getting a home study from a foster care agency and wanting to use that for domestic infant or international adoption.
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Are you an aunt or uncle raising your nephew or niece? Or are you curious about the unique challenges these families face? Check out today's podcast with a panel of four aunts raising their sibling's child.
Who are you raising? How old were they when they moved in? How long have they been with you?Didn’t ask for this.Less of a feeling of obligation than grandparents feel.Navigating relations with the child’s parents.Frustration with your sibling (the child’s parent)Long-standing resentment of the child’s parents.Navigating boundaries.Resentment if it’s your spouse’s niece/nephew.Navigating relations between other family members who have an opinion.Raising your own kids while raising your nephews and nieces.JealousiesBehaviors rubbing off on kids already in the familyLack of time for the kids who aren’t acting outComplications of being single and raising nephews and nieces.Putting off having children because of the cost and time commitment to raising nieces and nephews.Disagreement between parents on whether or not to take in the children.Uncertainty of how long the children will be living with you.Joys of raising your nephew or niece
In this episode, we cover:Support the show
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Question: I’m a single 38-year-old woman. I’ve always been interested in fostering, but I thought I’d wait until I got married. That doesn’t seem to be on the horizon, and I’m tired of waiting. Is it possible to foster as a single woman? Will it be too hard? I prefer a baby placed with me since I'm new to parenting.
Becoming a Foster ParentFostering as a Single ParentSelf-Care for Foster Parents
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How can something that happened in past generations impact us now and affect the way we parent? Join our conversation with Beth Tyson, a childhood trauma consultant and former family-based trauma therapist. She is the author of the children’s books A Grandfamily for Sullivan and Sullivan Goes to See Mama.
What is intergenerational trauma? In essence, intergenerational trauma is the passing of the emotional pain of one generation to another.What are some other names it goes by? (generational trauma, historical trauma, or multigenerational trauma)What types of events can cause intergenerational trauma? (personal and more widespread events)How can trauma that happened 100 years ago impact us now?What are the symptoms of intergenerational trauma that we might see in future generations?How to recognize behavior that is triggering intergenerational trauma?Researchers are also looking into the possible role of “epigenetic changes.” How do we know if what we are doing or how we are responding is the result of intergenerational trauma? Questions to ask ourselves about us or our relatives.ACEs Adverse Childhood Adversity study.How to heal from this type of trauma?Recognize that it exists.Basic background info can be used in understanding trauma.Become a detective of your past.What brings up big emotions in you from your child’s behavior?Apologize when we make mistakes. Acknowledge your mistake.Positive childhood experiences.Children need to be “claimed.” They need to belong and have one person who is committed to them.Traditions.Connecting to their history—cultural, religious, family. Put as many of their family connections in their life as is possible.Resiliency through moderate and predictable stressors. Ex. sports. Practical tips that can help you when you’re in the heat of the moment.Somatic stimulation.Recognize the arc of the behavior.Have mantras to help you cope. “My child is a good child who is having a hard time. I’m a good parent who is having a hard time.”For kinship families (although it can be applicable to all families), how do you deal with guilt that you potentially passed on your trauma to your child, and now the child you are raising is suffering as a result?
In this episode, we cover:Support the show
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