Afleveringen
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As I glance at the calendar, I realize it’s that time of year again—though somehow, it seems to have arrived more quietly this time. With grief, it usually announces itself well in advance, looming heavily overhead and filling the air with a sense of oppressive anticipation. I’ve walked this path four times now, starting at the end of 2020. I wouldn’t say it gets easier or harder, but it does become different.
Does it still loom? Yes, in its own way. Is it as oppressive? Not like that first year. This is holiday grief, and sadly, it’s something everyone will face at some point in their lives. There’s no clear guidebook for navigating it, no perfect way to manage the milestones it brings.
In this episode, I’ll share my experiences and some suggestions others have shared with me about how to walk through moments like these. At the very least, I hope to offer some insight into what you might expect as you face your own holiday grief.
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You might have seen the title of this episode and wondered how the idea of pivoting connects to grief. Today, we’re exploring what it means to pivot—not just in life, work, or relationships, but specifically in how we navigate grief.
Grief can sometimes make us complacent—too comfortable with the routines we’ve established to cope. We might find ourselves stagnant, unwilling to take steps forward to face our loss in healthier ways. That’s when a pivot can make all the difference. Adjusting how we approach, manage, or confront our grief can help us move out of that rut and open up a new perspective—a path toward healing.
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Have you ever just not felt like trying? Like trying to be "on" all the time or not wanting to go out and be around people? To be the person they expect you to be? That feeling might come after a hard day or a tough week for most people. But for those of you walking the difficult path of grief—whether it's a fresh journey or a long-worn road—I’m sure this hits close to home.
Today, I want to talk about what it's like to keep "trying" while grieving and how it can feel like you're constantly falling short. I also want to share a few simple things you can do when you feel like you just can’t anymore. The title gives away one of the most effective strategies, and I'll explain why it's so crucial for us to start thinking about it right now.
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The way you see things can either fill your life with hope or leave you feeling hopeless—I really believe that. When we choose to dwell in our sorrow, pain, or anger, it’s no surprise that the reflection we see in the mirror looks defeated, with no smile and no hope for the future. Now, I’m not saying we shouldn’t feel those emotions—definitely feel them and let them wash over you. But don’t let them define who you are or drain all the color from your life, leaving only gray. Let’s take some time to dive deeper and explore how we can use the power of color to help lift ourselves up through grief.
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In this episode, we're diving into a topic that evolves with time and experience: "Lessons Taught Through Grief." This idea varies for everyone and is shaped by each person's unique story, past experiences with loss, and where they are in life. I think it's essential for all of us to reflect on this occasionally, as it can be both therapeutic and eye-opening. It helps us understand where we are on our grief journey and how much we appreciate life, death, and our ability to move forward. Sharing these lessons with others can offer valuable guidance for their experience with grief, helping them understand what to expect and how to cope. So, join me as I share my story and the insights I've gathered from friends and family about what grief has taught them.
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We've all heard the phrase "New Normal" more times than we can count, especially since the pandemic hit. When the whole country went into lockdown in March 2020, we were suddenly living in a world none of us had ever experienced. As things slowly reopened, "New Normal" became the go-to way to explain changes that had quickly become routine, even though they hadn't always been that way. But in truth, this concept of a "New Normal" has been part of many lives long before the pandemic, particularly for those grieving a loved one. For them, it's not just a trendy term or a casual social media post—it's a tough reality. As someone living through it, I can tell you it's far from easy. We can't just hit pause on it when it's inconvenient. So, if you're struggling with your own "New Normal," let's talk about how we can navigate it together.
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In this episode, we’ll explore Ten Common Myths of Grief. While these myths are a helpful reminder no matter how long ago your loss occurred, they’re especially relevant for anyone in the early weeks or months of grief. However, even those who may be years into their loss may find it valuable to reflect on how far they've come and encourage the path they've established in navigating grief. It's important to remember that we’re not as alone as we may feel in this journey, even if the loss was long ago. This episode will highlight myths to be aware of and offer ways to cope with grief or support others in their grief journey.
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Sometimes, inspiration unfolds gradually over time, while other times it hits you instantly from the moment it arrives. Today's episode is the latter—it was sparked by, of all things, a Facebook post that popped up on my feed a few weeks ago. The post was a heartfelt "Happy Birthday" message to a lost loved one, written by a friend. The story itself is simple yet precious, but it's the message behind it—the title of this episode—that I really want to share with you today. It's a profound statement we should all consider embracing in our everyday lives, whether or not we're dealing with grief. But I'll admit, it will resonate even more deeply if you are. It's a powerful reminder to appreciate the important details in our lives that we often overlook so easily.
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Throughout these episodes, I often mention that you never know where inspiration will come from when navigating grief. In this podcast, I've shown how to take a simple gesture or a joint event and translate it into inspiration or a lesson on grief, life, and, hopefully, living. But sometimes, you must actively seek inspiration, fresh viewpoints, or unique perspectives on how best to deal with grief. That's precisely what I've done for this episode. I've discovered a process I hadn't encountered before, and I believe its simplicity and common sense might be the inspiration you've been looking to add to your grief journey.
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Perspective is an interesting part of the puzzle we try to piece together when we first lose a loved one and find ourselves alone at the table with grief. It becomes a living, breathing entity that changes as you navigate your grief. In the first days and weeks, perspective seems almost nonexistent. But as the weeks turn into months, it shifts, becoming a symbol of strength and an unexpected source of calm as you start to see details in your life that you once took for granted. Perspective becomes a friend, reminding you of the value of appreciation and gratitude. Join me as I revisit past episodes that explore perspective and the shift it brings after loss.
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Self Care
You might think self-care is just a marketing buzzword that has nothing to do with you or your grief journey. But I'm here to explain that self-care is crucial for navigating grief and important to incorporate into your daily routine, just like exercise or nutrition.
Talking about self-care in the context of grief can be uncomfortable for many. As humans, we often love deeply, and after losing those who brought us so much happiness, we might feel unworthy of being happy again. Yet, we are still here, stumbling through paths where "normal" used to be, aimlessly navigating grief without a road map or destination.
Self-care plays a significant role in guiding us on our path with grief. It offers a healthier way to rebuild ourselves while walking with grief and everything that comes with it.
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Understanding grief can only truly come through experience. In today’s episode, I'd like to share Five Grief Lessons I've learned over the past four years. These lessons have helped me better understand and handle grief's unpredictable process. I'll share these five powerful lessons, which I revisit whenever I feel the emptiness of grief creeping in and overpowering my everyday life. When I feel alone in my journey with loss or face new losses—which has recently happened—these lessons help me navigate the new grief alongside the existing one. They are always by my side, reminding me how to approach those moments when I lack the confidence or strength to glide through them easily.
Here are the Five Grief Lessons discussed in today's episode:
Lesson 1 - How to Help Someone Grieving in the Initial Weeks
Lesson 2 - Time Does Not Diminish Grief
Lesson 3 - Grief is Like Glitter
Lesson 4 - Wash the Orange Cup … When the Time is Right
Lesson 5 - Grief is a Coral Reef
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Let's talk about memories. Cinnamon Sugar Memories, to be exact. You may not know what that means, but I believe it's safe to say we all have them. The phrase came about through a story I read, reminding me that the simplest things often hold the best memories. Sometimes, many memories are stored within a tiny, insignificant thing, like a blanket, a toy, a childhood location, or even a cinnamon sugar shaker. Join me as I discuss what I’m calling Cinnamon Sugar Memories, why they are so powerful, and how we should all cherish them every day and find ways to create new ones today.
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Some episodes are easier than others, and this is one of the more difficult ones, as its creation is rooted in a milestone that has prompted an examination of time. Additionally, it has brought to light an internal struggle I wasn't fully aware of. Facing a different future isn't a sudden revelation I had today; instead, it's a reality I have finally decided to examine earnestly, to face honestly, and to fully understand what it means to me today and beyond. Today, I invite you into my stream of thought as I dissect the passing of time during my grief journey and what it means to face the future alone.
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In all honesty, death has a cruel way of revealing what is truly important in life, often pressing us to take action or change course with the little things we've postponed "until later." So, when you're with family and discussing getting together again for an official family photo, take the photo now. Mark the moment today and capture those smiles and laughter while you're together. Above all else, understand the value of a photo, but more importantly, the stories accompanying it.
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An odd thing happens when you lose someone very close to you, who is part of your life every day from morning to night. Whether labeled as a spouse or partner, it's someone whose absence is deeply felt. After their death, you begin to feel that many others don't understand what grief truly is. This might be because they have been fortunate enough not to have experienced it, or perhaps they haven't known this loss. When you stand with grief day after day, you wonder if anyone understands it as you do. I've been fortunate to discover a piece of writing that, in my view, completes the phrase "Grief is..." in an enlightening manner. Join me as I share what I believe grief is.
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I've been considering the subject matter for this episode over the past few months, and honestly, I've been hesitant to dive into it. I can't explain, even to myself, why I've kept pushing it off, but somehow, now feels like the right time. Sometimes, the episode topics I examine feel like chores—something you aren't looking forward to and need to be in the right mood and proper mindset to tackle. I suppose that's where I was with this subject, and now I find myself in the right frame of mind to explore it. I suspect this will be an important topic to examine for the benefit of many others, as I know I am not alone in my struggles with redefining what once was "we" and is now simply "me."
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Over the past four years as a widower, I have often been asked how I have managed to navigate my grief so well. I honestly don't believe I navigate grief better than most at all. From my perspective, it remains a ball of chaos, both externally and internally, and I feel it will always be that way to some extent. There are three things I believe I do well. First, I focus on living as my wife, Colleen, encouraged me. Second, I try to identify the details of my life for which I should and can be grateful. Third, I set SMART goals for my grief. Specifically, an organized method to set and achieve a goal through a realistic, step-by-step thought process. Let's discuss how setting SMART goals in grief can be a catalyst for walking more successfully with grief while attempting to find a way forward.
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As time progresses, we experience moments where we find ourselves being the first. You might be the first to turn 16 and pass your driver's test or a few years out of college; you might be the first among your friends to become engaged or married. These life’s firsts can reveal both positives and negatives. For instance, being the first to buy a house can be thrilling, but getting a coveted driver’s license often means becoming the designated driver for your entire friend group. On the other hand, being the last can have its ups and downs. The last to get a driver’s license might receive very little fanfare since everyone else has already experienced it.
Similarly, what can be said about being the first to experience significant loss or the last in your friend group to do so? Are there positives or negatives involved in these particular firsts and lasts of life? Let's take a moment to delve deeper into this topic and consider any experiences you might have had that highlight the benefits or drawbacks of being first or last in significant life events.
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Throughout the journey of this podcast, I've often remarked on the diverse sources from which episode inspiration emerges. Since its launch on April 4, 2021, I have been astounded by the avenues through which inspiration finds me. It might spring from social media, conversations with loved ones, or even the intricate lyrics of a song. Whenever these sparks of inspiration occur, it's as if a dim light in my world suddenly brightens, signaling a message worth sharing. For today's episode, I find myself drawn to a poem that resonates deeply, echoing a theme that has been heard in this podcast since its inception: the enduring nature of grief. This poem is a poignant reminder that grief is a journey without a clear endpoint. Understanding this reality can offer solace and insight, fostering compassion and empathy as we traverse this path with resilience and understanding.
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