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âPeople talk about creating your own reality. But not as children. As a child, you come to other peopleâs reality, and your job is to survive, long enough to be able to create your own. We make decisions about ourselves, quite early, then we bury them, and they are there for so long, that we believe that thatâs the way we are, thatâs the way things are. You had to fight your mother. Stand up for yourself. And then everyone took her side.â Andy Bryce, EFT Master, my therapist.
And thatâs the thing. They took her side, but, at the same time, they were telling me that she was wrong. They were telling me that I was right, and that she was wrong, but I had to shut up and play along. Did what she wanted. Let her have her will. I was right feeling that something was not right, but it didnât make any difference, because she was still right. Her righteousness was ârighterâ than mine.
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I was born into a reality of my parents: my mum with Borderline Personality Disorder, and my dad, Master of Ignorance. I would yell, argue and fight back my mum, who was treating me like rubbish. I'd fight for myself since I was a 5-year-oldâŠ
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âIt doesn't matter what it is, they just want you to listen and just to be the ear. From my own experience, it's not even that you have to listen, itâs about you being there. You can just let it in through one ear and let out through the other. You can just let it go around you. If you talk on the phone, you can have it on speaker, and you can cook your dinner at the same time if you want to.â
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âI'm really sorry that it's like that. I really wish it was much easier, but it's not. And it's not your fault. If you grew up with a borderline parent or emotional, immature, unstable, unavailable, and narcissistic parent, you were born into a situation. And this situation did things to you on the inside. It shaped you on the inside in a certain way.
But it might be a shape that you never really wanted to be. That maybe itâs nothing you want to be, but that situation has shaped you somehow. You had to survive that childhood and those teenage years and your twenties, and maybe you're still being there. But deep down in your heart, you know that it's not what you want to be. It's not how you want to live your life.â
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So, how does it look like when you relive your trauma? Especially that youâre not aware that anything traumatic happened to you early in your life. You donât realise there is a pattern, but feel that certain situations and people keep coming back into your life, in different form. You might think, âWhy is this keep happening to me? Why do I keep meeting this kind of people? People I canât trust or people that disappoint me? Why all the good men/women are taken?â
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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit raisedbyborderline.substack.com