Afleveringen
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Drop your standards! Let go of your perfectionistic tendencies!
If I were paid a dollar every time I heard this message, I would have a large bank account by now.
When youâre pursuing a top performance â from athletic to intellectual to artistic ones â itâs fundamental that you distinguish those common principles that improve your performance and your well-being altogether.
In this episode, Brad Stulberg and I discussed research-based skills to deal with high-achieving and striving behaviors in a skillful manner and without losing yourself.
Key Takeaways
How to distinguish when perfectionistic actions are working for you or against youThe difference between values-based goals and ego-driven goalsHow to avoid burnout in the information eraHow to manage your proneness to perfectionistic actionsDay-to-day experiences of experiential avoidanceTips to handle the fear of failureHow to figure out what is on the other side of your fearsHow to practice self-compassion when handling our fearsShow notes with time stamps
00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions
01:02 Overcoming Perfectionism
01:36 Interview with Brad Stulberg: High Achieving and Striving Behaviors
02:19 Reflecting on Your Life and Overcoming Overthinking
03:28 Living According to Your Values
04:10 Using a Values-Based Review to Live the Life You Want
04:46 Conversation with Brad Stulberg: Balancing Productivity and Wellbeing
05:43 Understanding the Double-Edged Sword of Optimization
08:44 Dealing with Fear of Failure and Regret
17:48 Navigating Ego-Driven Goals and Values-Based Goals
24:09 Overcoming Experiential Avoidance
(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe
(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head
(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses
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Perfectionism isnât a personality quirk. Itâs a pattern of reinforced behaviors that can seep into every aspect of your life.
You may set certain standards for yourself, certain rules about how things are supposed to be or how you are supposed to behave; while you may meet those standards for a while, they eventually - and inevitably - fall short. Then, you feel crushed. Then, you criticize yourself. And then, to drown out the negativity, you set new goals, standards, and expectations for yourself. The cycle of ineffective perfectionistic actions repeats and maintains itself.
There is nothing wrong with striving to do things right and perfectly - thatâs natural when you deeply care about things and what matters to you. And, as you have heard me say before, itâs extremely important that you learn to harness the power of perfectionistic actions without losing yourself.
In this podcast episode, I chat with Monica Basco, Ph.D. We discuss specific topics related to perfectionism in detail:
(a) A large part of the conversation clarifies how having high standards and being perfectionistic can be both, beneficial and detrimental, and finding the balance between the two is crucial.
(b) We also discussed the interplay between perfectionistic behaviors and procrastination as two sides of the same coin.
(c) Monica and I highlighted the fact that setting high-goals is productive when one can tolerate failure. However, learning to pursue what matters and learning to let things go - as the right thing to do - is also important.
(d) Finally, we discuss ideas for you to conduct a functional analysis, or in other words, we discuss key questions for you to understand your drive to engage in perfectionistic actions (e.g., what is my mind trying to protect me from right now?)
Key Takeaways
Discussing perfectionism and high-achieving behaviorsUnderstanding the impact of high goalsThe role of confidence in goal settingThe intersection of perfectionism and procrastinationShow notes with time-stamps
01:00 Understanding Fear and Perfectionism
01:31 Dealing with Perfectionism and High-Achieving Behaviors
02:35 Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Perfectionism
04:14 Setting Goals and Dealing with Failure
05:12 Understanding Overachievement and Expectations
08:37 Dealing with Rejection and Pursuing Goals
20:43 Understanding the Intersection of Perfectionism and Procrastination
(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe
(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head
(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Todayâs episode takes off with discussing fears of driving. This is the starting point to discuss a key process within acceptance commitment therapy: values-based exposures.
In this episode, you will learn the principles to approach your fears, worries, and anxieties in a flexible way and in the service of your values.
Brian Thompson, Ph.D. and I covered different ACT skills such as defusion, values, willingness and what you can do if youâre getting stuck in conquering your fears or youâre afraid of starting the process of facing your anxieties.
Key Takeaways
What is willingnessHow to deal with uncertaintyWhat to do when youâre powering through a fearful situationWhat is exposureUnderstanding fear-based reactions and safe behaviorsExploring the concept of exposure in overcoming fearDealing with physical sensations during fearful situationsThe role of acceptance and commitment therapy in overcoming fearUnderstanding the concept of willingness in therapyAddressing fear of uncertainty and unpredictabilityIntroduction to the upcoming book on act-informed exposure for anxietyUnderstanding act and exposureDealing with chronic worryEffective problem solving vs. worryShow notes with time stamps
00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions and Safe Behaviors
01:00 Exploring Exposure Therapy and Anxiety
01:09 Dealing with Physical Sensations During Panic Attacks
02:44 Strategies to Manage Anxiety and Fear
03:39 Addressing Intrusive Thoughts and Fears
04:16 Understanding Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
07:33 Exploring Willingness in Therapy
14:28 Addressing Fear of Uncertainty
17:28 Introduction to ACT-Informed Exposure for Anxiety
19:19 Discussing the Book and Its Approach
19:44 Recommendations for Approaching the Book
19:45 Understanding the Process of Exposure
20:38 The Role of Repetition in Exposure
21:37 Handling Chronic Worries and Ruminations
22:12 Using ACT for Chronic Worry
23:11 Writing Imaginal Scripts for Worries
26:13 Effective Problem Solving vs. Worry
26:50 Distinguishing Between Productive and Unproductive Worry
(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe
(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head
(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Ever catch yourself engaging in incessant mind chatter in a high-stakes situation? The kind that fills your head with self-doubt, comparisons, and anticipations of failure? You're not alone. We all do it. But what if there was a way to overcome these self-limiting beliefs and embrace life's challenges with confidence?
I had a chance to talk to Dr. Mitchell Greene, Ph.D. regarding performance anxiety, managing self-doubt, and comparison thoughts among athletes or overthinkers.
If you have been following the podcast, you know by now that by making room for your thoughts, rather than struggling against them, you can redirect your focus towards the present moment and towards what matters.
In todayâs episode, we discussed other micro-skills to manage mental chatter with curiosity and courage.
Key Takeaways
The pitfalls of positive thinkingManaging mind chatterHow to shift your attention from hypothetical worries to the present momentRedirecting your attention from âwhat ifâ to âwhat isâHow to manage lapses in confidenceA useful mindset to perform challenging tasksExploring the concept of positive thinkingUnderstanding mind chatter and its impactStrategies for managing mind chatterApplying mind chatter management in real-life scenarios(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe
(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head
(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Picture this scenario: you encounter an ambiguous and uncertain situation, and then, of course, you quickly try to solve it. You anticipate all types of scenarios and try to prepare for each one of them, without realizing you are worrying and consumed with anxiety.
Worry is primarily a thought-based process, and thatâs what makes it tricky. Unpacking worry thoughts and distinguishing the unhelpful from the helpful ones are crucial.
We all worry from time to time, thatâs unavoidable. But playing-it-safe by worrying all the time takes a hefty toll on your well-being, happiness, and relationships.
In this episode, I interview Dr. Chad Lejeune, Ph.D.
We discussed the subtleties of worrying, what keeps worry cycles, and the importance of developing a new relationship with your mind. In the second part of the interview, I shared with Chad an unexpected situation I encountered when traveling, and we used that as an opportunity to discuss micro-skills to manage uncertainty, what-if thoughts, and reassurance-seeking and information-seeking behaviors.
Key Takeaways
How to develop a new relationship with thinkingHow to distinguish effective problem-solving from ineffective oneUnderstanding fear and anxietyDefining worry and its impactThe role of thoughts in worryDistinguishing between productive and nonproductive worryThe consequences of worryAddressing beliefs about worryChanging our relationship with our thoughtsDealing with unexpected situationsEmbracing uncertainty and ambiguityThe anxious brain and uncertaintyProductive thoughts and problem-solvingThe power of narratives and storytellingThe distinction between problem-solving and creating narrativesThe danger of excessive information-seekingThe power of accepting uncertaintyThe importance of learning from the pastShow notes with time stamps
00:27 Understanding Fear and Anxiety
01:26 Defining Worry and Its Impact
02:27 Distinguishing Between Worry and Problem-Solving
05:50 The Consequences of Worry
06:43 Addressing Beliefs About Worry
11:27 Changing Our Relationship with Our Thoughts
17:41 Practical Example: Dealing with Unexpected Situations
22:59 The Power of Productive Thoughts
23:56 The Mind's Narratives and Their Impact
25:46 The Distinction Between Problem Solving and Worrying
28:15 The Power of Acceptance and Living in the Present
28:20 The Pitfalls of Excessive Information Seeking
29:12 The Role of Google in Reassurance Seeking
32:29 The Importance of Embracing Uncertainty
(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe
(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head
(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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We all experience anxiety in some form, in some way, and in some shape. Because anxiety, fears, and worries can be so uncomfortable, we quickly play-it-safe. And when youâre prone to deeply caring for what you do - as high-achievers, strivers, and perfectionists - then the fears of being a failure or not being good enough are amplified.
In this conversation, Annick Seys and I discussed the many layers in which these fears show up and how nourishing your observer-self can shift from self-criticism into self-acceptance, from self-judgment into self-compassion, and from emotional avoidance into curious behaviors.
Cultivating your observer-self isn't just about self-distancing; it is about your well-being and living a purpose-driven life.
Key Takeaways
How to deal with the gap between expectations and realityHow to practice self-acceptanceHow to unpack the fear of being a failure in the momentHow to understand the fear of being a failureThe problem with toxic positivityRelational Frame Theory of LanguageHow to nourish your observer-selfUnderstanding the observer-selfThe power of curiositySelf-compassion on-the-goShow notes with time stamps
00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions
01:00 The Struggles of Time Management
01:07 Dealing with Disappointments and Failures
05:31 Exploring Self-Acceptance
06:01 The Ongoing Exercise of Self-Acceptance
11:45 Unpacking the Fear of Failure
14:12 The Impact of Toxic Positivity
17:47 Tapping into the Observer Self
18:01 Exercises to Connect with the Observer Self
20:50 Understanding the Observer Self
24:03 Experiencing Different Moods
26:11 Relating to Past Experiences
29:59 Overcoming the Fear of Failure
(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe
(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head
(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Do you find yourself anxiously anticipating rejection in everyday situations?
The fear of being rejected or judged leads to a hyper-awareness of others' facial expressions, opinions, or anticipation of rejection. Itâs like youâre expecting others will reject you and interpret a situation using those lenses. This interplay between rejection sensitivity and anxiety influences how you navigate your relationships.
Understanding the root of rejection sensitivity and its connection to anxiety is pivotal to stop playing-it-safe automatically.
In todayâs episode, I interview Ozlem Ayduk, Ph.D.
We delve deeper into the psychological processes behind rejection sensitivity and anxiety. You will hear practical strategies to break free from the shackles of rejection sensitivity and anxiety.
Key Takeaways
Self-distancingRejection sensitivityWhat maintains rejection sensitivityThe relationship between experiential avoidance and rejection sensitivityHow ambiguous situations are triggers for responses driven by rejection sensitivityThe use of self-talk Is it helpful to be highly sensitive in certain contexts? When and where? The upsides or benefits of high emotional sensitivityCan someone struggle with rejection sensitivity without a history of rejection? The intersection of emotion regulation and rejection sensitivityIs rejection sensitivity dysphoria different or the same as rejection sensitivity?FREE VALUES-BASED REVIEW (21-PAGES)
How often do you play-it-safe? How often do you get stuck in your head? How often do you notice a gap between the life you want to live and the life you're living? You arenât alone.
When dealing with doubts, worries, anxieties, or fears, it's quite likely that you spend a lot of time in your head, thinking and thinking and relying on all types of strategies to manage all those anxious thoughts.
If youâre ready to get out of your head and break free from those barriers that stand between you and the life you want to live, this practical 21-page guide will help you get back on track!
If youâre like many others, you may wonder, âhow does one actually get back on track?â Here is my response: You check your values and how you have been living with them. When was the last time you paused and asked yourself: Am I doing what matters? Am I living my values in my relationships, career, friendships, and spiritual life?
The reality is that most of us live life letting life happen to us, and if weâre lucky, we figure out whatâs truly important to us and what we want to stand for. So, another way to check how we're really living is by pausing, checking what truly matters to you, and whether your actions are congruent with those values or not.
Here is a 21-page template you can use; it includes a description of 9 life areas, a values thesaurus, a values-dashboard, and reflective prompts for each area in your life.
Click here: âhttps://www.thisisdoctorz.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Values-based-review-2021.pdf
(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
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Self-compassion is the willingness to respond to your pain and suffering in the same way a good friend of yours mightâwith warmth, patience, and understanding. That sounds easy, right? But you know it isnât.
For many, self-criticism is a classic playing-it-safe move. Itâs like your mind is a champion at criticizing you in response to those moments in which you feel anxious about something that has happened or could happen.
Which of the following fear statements resonate with you?
If Iâm kind to myself, I will become a weak person.I need to be hard on myself or I will never get everything done.I donât deserve kindness.A harsh approach keeps me from making mistakes or keeps me disciplined.Self-criticism motivates me all the time.Ask yourself: âAm I afraid of compassion?â
In this episode, I chat with Paul Gilbert, the developer of Compassion Focused Therapy.
Key Takeaways
The beginnings of Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)4 steps to compassionately deal with your inner criticThe difference between shame and guiltHow to approach self-forgivenessThe intersection of self-compassion and exposure practicesPaul Gilbertâs self-compassion daily practiceWhat to do if your mind thinks that âself-compassion is weak, it is being permissive with yourself, or that youâre letting yourself off the hook.âHow to deal compassionately with anger(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
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It was a true pleasure to discover the work and passion of Sonya Looney; her enthusiasm, laughs, and insights are contagious!
There are many golden nuggets in this conversation about skillfully managing comparison thoughts, rumination, self-doubt, shame, values-based strategies, and much more.
Key Takeaways
The mindset of an athleteThe upsides and downsides of over-preparing and over-workingHow to skillfully manage unpredictabilityAcceptance of emotionsHow to deal with a strong attachment to goals or winningDefusion: thought - labelingGoodhartâs lawHow to manage physical fatigue using acceptance & defusion skillsHow to go back to your values when your mind gets noisyHow to manage comparison thoughtsABC of resilience(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
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(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: Subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
This is part 2 of my conversation with Dr. Matthew McKay, Ph.D. In part 1, we discussed the foundations of how Dr. McKay thinks of process-based therapy. Today, we discuss, in particular, different mechanisms of action:
What is attentional trainingHow to look at your values when getting stressedHow to practice acceptance How to handle uncertaintyHow reassurance-seeking shows up in our day-to-day lifeShow notes: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/how-to-promote-behavioral-change-when-feeling-anxious/
(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: Subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
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If anxiety is a part of our day to day life, if we hold on to the framework that to be human is to be anxious, how did anxiety ever become a problem? How do you go from worrying about not being good enough to chronic states of worry? How do you go from feeling uncomfortable taking the elevator to developing an elevator phobia?
What maintains a psychological struggle? And what are the skills â the core skills â that you can learn to navigate those anxious moments and get back into your life?
Short-term fixes that help us avoid or numb our emotions may temporarily alleviate our internal discomfort, but the same responses can also end up causing anxiety, depression, chronic anger, and even physical health problems.
In this episode, I chat with Matthew Mckay, Ph.D.
Key Takeaways:
The difference between rumination and worryRepetitive negative thinking as a processWhat is a transdiagnostic processHow anxiety becomes a problem in our lifeWhat is a safety-seeking behaviorProcess-based changesShow notes: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/what-maintains-a-psychological-struggle/
(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
Do you remember last week when your mind was criticizing you and asking you to play-it-safe?
Using Acceptance and Commitment Skills, you are always invited to bring awareness to your internal experiences, especially when you are feeling stuck in a habit or unhelpful behavioral patterns such as overthinking, procrastinating, or others. You are also invited to figure out your values and take action toward what truly matters to you.
In this episode, Julian McNally, Ms. Psych., and I discuss those values-based actions when your mind tries to convince you to engage in old behavioral patterns.
Key Takeaways
Creative HopelessnessValues-based behaviorsValues-based exposuresNotice approaching versus avoidant behaviorsHow to practice acceptance of messy momentsFocus on your doing your best, not being the bestFocusing on what is happening right now instead of why is happening.(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
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(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
When was the last time you had a social mishap in a conversation? Do you remember how it feels to say the wrong thing at the wrong time?
If youâre a shy person or are struggling with social anxiety or social perfectionism, you are holding onto the beliefs that you must sound smart, interesting, or funny; that there should never be awkward silences in conversations; that you shouldnât stumble over words; that you should never mispronounce a word.
Ways that you may manage those thoughts and the anxiety that come with them are by avoiding social situations, rehearsing over and over what you are going to say and how you are saying it, only talking to people you feel comfortable with, or comparing your social performance with othersâ social performance.
When you are unable to meet this perfectionistic social standard, you feel that you have failed. But the truth is that none of us can live up to this perfectionistic social standard or have perfect social performances. When we start to accept this and stop automatically playing-it-safe, we feel better about ourselves and have less anxiety in social situations.
In this conversation with Julian McNally, we discussed acceptance and commitment skills for anxiety related to social situations.
Key Takeaways
How to live your valuesHow to practice commitmentPlaying-it-safe How to manage negativity biasesHow to deal with comparison thoughtsContext sensitivity(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
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(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
Our minds are amazing at many, many things. Our minds are capable of remembering the birthday of the ones we love, calculating a budget for our next trip, thinking about our next writing project, and coming up with questions for a podcast. Our minds are also capable of ruminating, dwelling, coming up with strange thoughts, announcing all types of bad scenarios, and many more âŠwhy are our minds both so awesome and so challenging to deal with at times? How can we skillfully and effectively deal with our busy minds?
In todayâs episode, I interview Josh Malina, host of the podcast âAnxiety Book Club.â We discuss the different ways in which our minds influence our physical and mental health and the different approaches to dealing with them.
Josh and I discuss how mindfulness and meditation can help us deal with our busy minds; he points out different times in which anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and worry thoughts took him away from being present and pushed him to play-it-safe.
You will hear from Josh how regular mindfulness practice has helped him transform his relationship with his thoughts, become an observer of his thoughts, and be non-judgmental of his worries, fears, and anxieties.
We discuss in particular three practices: exposure exercises, acceptance and commitment skills, and internal family systems.
I leave you with this quote:
âYou can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what couldâve or wouldâve happened⊠Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.ââ Tupac ShakurKey Takeaways
What is OCDWhat is Generalized Anxiety DisorderWhat is Internal Family SystemsWhat is perspective takingValuesExposure therapyTalk therapyTranscendental meditationChoiceless meditationMBSREpisode's show notes: https://wp.me/pbqmzq-c0v
(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
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(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
When was the last time you had an aha moment in which your next steps were clear? Do you remember how it is to be in the midst of a difficult situation, and then, have clarity of what you need to do?
If you pay attention to your experiences, you may notice those aha moments in which your choices are clear - you will be able to clearly see what you are longing for or the changes you need to make in your life.
Without that awareness, itâs easier to play-it-safe, live automatically, and continue to respond to all those anxieties, worries, and fears in the same way you have been doing for years.
One way to build that awareness is through the practice of mindfulness.
In this conversation, Seth Gillihan, Ph.D. and I discuss how to nourish your mindfulness practice. In a world that moves so fast, and there are hundreds of mindfulness apps, books on mindfulness, and mindfulness teachers, it is easy to develop misconceptions surrounding the practice of mindfulness or to hope for a quick fix with it.
But how can you really cultivate your mindfulness practice in your daily life?
Key Takeaways
How to approach mindfulness with a beginnerâs mindThe intersection of Christianity and mindfulnessTips to practice mindfulness in your day-to-day lifeHow to use movement as a way to practice mindfulnessHow to bring yourself back to the present when your mind is wanderingThe intersection of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and mindfulnessHow to coach yourself to recognize thoughts as thoughts versus getting consumed by themHow to practice non-attachment to how things are supposed to beThe relationship between non-attachment and mindfulnessHow looking for evidence for and against a worry may not be helpfulHow to use mindfulness skills to manage worry The benefits of developing an observer-selfEpisode's show notes: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/how-to-practice-mindfulness-in-the-middle-of-it-all/
(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
In this second part of my conversation with Andrew Nalband, we discussed in detail how he manages all the noise that shows up in his head, what has worked, and what hasnât when dealing with a tendency to do things right and perfectly.
Key Takeaways
Why meditation/mindfulness practices matterThe influence of cell phones on our thinkingThe difference between cognitive restructuring and acceptanceA key question to ask yourself when your mind comes up with a lot of thoughtsThe impact of âpositive thinkingâ in our wellbeingHow to practice mindfulness on-the-goShow notes: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/the-upsides-and-downsides-of-perfectionism-part-2/
(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
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(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
There is nothing wrong with striving to do things right and perfectly. It depends on how often you do it, when you do it, and how it works in your life in the long run.
What is unhealthy is demanding perfectionism, which involves demanding that you are perfect and do things perfectly, otherwise, you may think of yourself as unworthy, not good enough, or a screw-up. Those particular patterns of perfectionistic actions can generate much anxiety, depression, loneliness, and insurmountable levels of stress, even when it feels good to do things right and perfectly in the moment.
Andrew Nalband is the Chief Executive Officer at Thunk Notes, a tool for thinking and journaling.
In this conversation, Andrew genuinely and kindly shares his struggles with perfectionism, and how he skillfully manages them these days.
Key Takeaways
The raw version of how perfectionistic actions show upThe plus, benefits, and cons of perfectionistic actionsHow perfectionistic actions show up in all areas of lifeIf-then thoughtsHow to hold our mind lightly The beginnings of practicing mindfulnessHow to cultivate presence in your day-to-day life(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
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(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
Stress is nearly unavoidable in our daily lives. Unexpected things can happen to all of us, and often, we may choose to play-it-safe by working harder and harder, doing more and more.
I am sharing today an interview with Espree Devora. Espree has been recently featured in INC Magazine as one of the top 30 women in tech to follow and is known as âThe Girl Who Gets it Done.â
Key Takeaways:
How to find your own rhythms to navigate stressful momentsHow to get things done without losing yourselfHow to keep yourself accountable without being harsh with oneâs selfHow to practice distress tolerance skills on-the-go(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
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(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
Have you ever been struggling emotionally and a partner, colleague or caregiver overlooked you or made you feel worse? âI would have never let that happen,â is uttered or implied. Or an important other misses your emotional needs altogether and just focuses on themselves. When this invalidation or dismissal happens in a key relationship or two repeatedly over years, it can create a trauma of omission. It's about what you are not getting so you don't know you are missing it. One learns: âNo one is going to help me when I feel like a failure, excluded or down. I have to turn my feelings off on my own.â Abandoning your inner emotional life in service of what others are comfortable with or what your professional culture rewards.
In this episode, you will learn about chronic misattunement and how, instead of playing-it-safe by avoiding or placating, you can learn skills of self-care and how to ask for your needs to be met with the people that matter. Attunement is to show interest in another's world. How they've been impacted by something they've experienced and what that experience means to them. I interviewed Kelly Werner Ph.D., who kindly shares her understanding and approach to struggles driven by chronic misattunement.
Key Takeaways
What is chronic misattunement?Playing-it-safe moves related to chronic misattunementHow chronic misattunement shows up in relationshipsA.T.T.U.N.E (acronym) Process to heal from chronic misattunement
About Kelly Werner, Ph.D.Kelly Werner, Ph.D. is deeply committed to helping people lead flourishing lives. Through therapy and executive coaching with individuals (www.sf-act.com), as well as leading global trainings with the Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute (born at Google) (www.siyli.org) and the United Nations, she gives people tools to connect with their deepest wisest self to heal their inner landscape and effectively take action in the outer world. âTell MeâŠâ (her authentic conversation game) facilitates self-discovery, connection and trust with family, friends and workplace teams (www.tellmethegame.com).
More information on this episode: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/how-to-develop-emotional-attunement/
(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
Have you ever gone to the emergency room?
Have you ever thought of how emergency doctors face stress?
Have you ever considered how an emergency doctor manages anxiety as part of their work life?
Today, Iâm sharing with you the interview with Dr. Mark Hoffman, M.D., a board certified emergency physician, with over 30 years of practice.
It was a treat to hear from Dr. Hoffman on how he:
Manages stress when taking care of multiple patients at onceMakes decisions when working with patients with acute conditionsDeals with interpersonal stressPerforms a âmental triageâJuggles all tasks-medical and administrative-during his work shiftsAre the best E.R. doctors the best jugglers?
What can we learn from them?
What can you learn from them?
(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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