Afleveringen
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Episode 500 â I Am Here, I Am Whole
Today we have Brady. He is 43 years old from Denver, CO and took his last drink on July 18th, 2023.
Whatever day you are on, we want to hear it, see it and support you. On Sundays, head on over to RE on Instagram and post on our Roll Call. Let the world know where you are at.
There are still a few spots open on our next Alcohol-Free travel trip to Vietnam. This upcoming January 9th-20th, 2025, weâre heading to this incredible Southeast Asia paradise for 10 days and 11 nights with 25 travelers who are done nursing hangovers.
Starting Monday September 16th, all new registration for Café RE will be added to our community, which is no longer on Facebook. We have found a place that allows us to make these connections better. Beginning October 1st, all current members will start shifting over there as well.
Sponsors mentioned in this episode:
Better Help - code ELEVATOR
[03:57] Thoughts from Paul:
For 500 straight Mondays, Recovery Elevator has released an episode with someone sharing how they quit drinking. We do this to help, to serve, and also selfishly since Paul and all members of the team are also on this AF journey.
Paul started this podcast in 2015 and just celebrated 10 years since his last drink. He shares how he started the Recovery Elevator Sobriety Tracker. He also shares that since starting, we now have Café RE, have done five international sober travel trips, have had 15 official RE retreats, and over 1500 people have signed up for our courses.
Paul shares what he is most happy about are the gains in his personal life. He is married and has a three-month-old son and is well into a creating a life that no longer requires alcohol.
The lyrics to the new intro song: âI am here, I am wholeâ remind us that there is nothing wrong with us, we are not fractured, and we can correct the imbalance in our lives. And we donât have to do it alone.
I am Here, I am Whole on Spotify:
[11:00] Paul introduces Brady:
At the time of recording, Brady just celebrated one year alcohol free!
Paul and Brady have been friends for a very long time, and both acknowledge that itâs good be on the other side of their drinking times to now sharing sobriety with one another.
Brady and lives in the suburbs of Denver, he is 43 years old and is a realtor and formerly a high school teacher. Brady is married and they have a five-year-old son.
Brady says he drank more than the average high school student. He thinks his drinking in college was on par with normal for that time of life. It wasnât until his late thirties that he started to realize that his relationship with alcohol wasnât good. He feels that the time during COVID just normalized drinking at home for him. It became an everyday thing, and he slowly stopped having any interest in anything other than drinking.
An acute panic attack one night found him feeling empty. When he talked to his mom about it, she asked if he had been drinking. It was then that he started to connect the dots and was on the road to exploring the role alcohol had in his life. He never considered himself an alcoholic, but knew he was not living the life he wanted to.
Since quitting drinking, Brady has lost 20 pounds, is says he is more aware of what he is doing and itâs more purposeful. Brady has discovered that everything is clearer now. He mentions listening to The Huberman Lab podcast about alcohol really helped him in addition to Alan Carrâs book about quitting drinking. Learning what alcohol really does to us has been an important tool for Brady. He has not attended AA but had a lot of support from people around him and was comfortable sharing with them. Brady has shifted his identity to no longer being a dude that drinks.
Bradyâs parting piece of guidance: just do it, find those resources that will help you.
Recovery Elevator
You took the elevator down, you got to take the stairs back up.
We can do this.
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Episode 499 - Get Your Roll On
Today we have Kerri. She is 55 years old, lives in Redding, CA and took her last drink on March 2nd, 2022.
Sponsors mentioned in this episode:
Better Help - code ELEVATOR
Soberlink â receive $50 off of a device
Better Rhodes â code RECOVERYELEVATOR15
RiseUp Coffee
Athletic Brewing
Sarilla
[02:47] Thoughts from Paul:
Prior to AA, alcoholism was considered a fatal disease. In less than 100 years, so much progress has been made in how alcoholism is viewed and treated. Now there is 100% a way out.
We now know the most potent antidote to addiction is connection. And this looks like community, preferably one that contains a lot of laughter, which we have all heard is the best medicine.
Paul shares with us that when he was crafting the recent Bozeman Retreatâs itinerary, he spent a lot of time thinking about one of the activities he was considering: a Skee-Ball tournament. The retreat is already full of the standard heavy hitters of share groups, breathwork, etc. but he wanted to try something different. Check out the pictures of the event in the post today: RE on Instagram
So, 100 years ago, it was shock therapy and isolation to cure alcoholism. Today itâs Skee-Ball, laughter, and connection.
[10:34] Kris introduces KMac:
Kerri is 55 years old and lives in Redding, CA. She has two adult daughters and five grandchildren. She is married and they have two dogs. For fun, Kerri has recently gotten into ultrarunning. She works full time for RE/Café RE as the community manager and event coordinator.
Kerri says she started drinking in high school and was a blackout drinker from the beginning. She and her first husband drank a lot during their marriage, and it escalated for Kerri after their divorce.
Kerri became a teacher later in life, but her drinking caused her to lose multiple teaching jobs over the course of a few years. She was involved with her local AA group and had a sponsor during this time. She ended up joining Café RE and rather quickly, volunteered to help do the show notes for the podcast. Over time her involvement with RE evolved.
Kerri had over a year alcohol free before the binge drinking returned. She had stopped counting days and recognized that it made it easier for her to drink. Currently days are very important to Kerri.
As Kerri began working more for RE, she feels that it took away the community for her. She didnât feel comfortable sharing her struggles within the groups because of her role.
Knowing that she couldnât recover alone, Kerri began to open up and have tough conversations with the RE team. She was at the point where she was feeling like she was never going to be able to quit and found herself, with the encouragement of others, making the decision to go to inpatient rehab.
Kerri says that being The Hab was tough at first and a lot of the people there were younger than her. After finding a good counselor and therapist, she was able to finally start opening up and sharing. At the end of 60 days, it was recommended she continue, so she stayed an additional 30.
After leaving she continued to do what she was doing while she was in rehab, which helps. She used to question why she drank like she did, but over time has decided it doesnât matter.
Kerri says the biggest thing she has learned about herself is the importance of truly believing she is worthy. She is now able to recognize when she has feelings and being able to share them. She is more likely to ask for help when she needs it.
To the listener that is experiencing their own version of pacing around the living room not wanting to drink, Kerri wants to remind them that itâs not too late, this doesnât have to be who you are or the road that you go down, you are worth asking for help and there is a community out there that are willing to walk that path with you.
Kerriâs first episode: RE Episode 255
Recovery Elevator
Youâre the only one that can do this, but you donât have to do it alone.
Love you guys.
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Sobriety Tracker iTunes
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Episode 498 â Be the Light
Today we have Ava. She is 17 years old and lives in Central North Dakota. She has been sober since October 13th, 2006.
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[03:16] Meat and Potatoes Time:
A few months ago, after a lot of prayer and consideration, Kris had a tough call with Paul. While he enjoys his job as podcast host immensely, his life has been changing. His kids are getting older and busier, and he has opportunities to step up his investment in his local community.
Kris shares what this podcast has meant to him both as an interviewer and as a long-time listener. All of our stories have values, and he reminds us of the importance of being a light. No one lights a lamp and then covers it with a wash tub or shoves it under a bed. You set it up on the lampstand so that those who enter the room can see their way.
We each have a light in us that is meant to shine.
[10:18] Kris introduces Ava:
Today Kris is speaking with a very special guest: Ava, his 17-year-old daughter. She works as a nanny and works front desk at a gym. For fun, Ava likes to read and spend time with her friends.
Ava shares that the first time she became aware of alcoholâs presence in her life was when she was around ten. She noticed that her dad always had beer. She didnât recognize that alcohol was causing a problem in her environment until her parents separated, Dad went to rehab, and they explained things to her.
Anxiety was common for Ava during this time. Her mom and dad were fighting a lot, and werenât very present at home, and she found herself looking after her little brother more and more. Ava didnât feel like she had an outlet to share her feelings. She was left feeling like she wasnât good enough and trying to be a people pleaser and take care of others.
Ava remembers the last years of Kris drinking as being hard. She had been told that her dad was staying at the lake because it was closer to his work. She didnât realize what was going on until she heard her mother on the phone talking about a divorce. Ava says that was hard to hear. Her parents were trying to protect the kids from what was going on. Ava says that this was a very difficult time for her. Her anxiety was up, and she started internalizing that she was the problem for her parents
Going through the transition to middle school was a hard time for Ava. Her anxiety had increased, and she tried really hard to make things go right there since she felt so much instability at home. She was crushed when she and her brother were told their parents were separating.
Kris started rehab and was spending as much time with the kids as possible. Time together helped them rebuild a healthy relationship. Ava says some of the anxiety went away and when it comes up for her now, she knows how to deal with it.
These days Ava enjoys the time they all spend together as a family. She feels much more comfortable and open with her parents now that things are calmer at home. Having a relationship with God and friends at church and school has been helpful for Ava.
Ava looks forward to graduating high school and plans to become a counselor. She has the desire to help people who are going through some of the things she has and mental health in general.
Avaâs advice for folks going through tough times: taking it one step at a time, it doesnât have to be a big light-switch change
Avaâs parting piece of guidance for those thinking about sobriety: do it. It is probably the best choice you can make for yourself and those around you.
Avaâs advice for a loved one of someone with addiction: know that they are loved and valuable and would encourage them to find someone they trust that they can talk to because they are not alone.
Recovery Elevator
Youâre the only one that can do this, but you donât have to do it alone.
Love you guys.
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Episode 497 â I Canât â You Can â Take It
Today we have Shelby. She is 38 years old and from Windsor Ontario. She took her last drink on December 23rd, 2023.
Sponsors for this episode:
Visit Better Help today to get 10% off your first month
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[04:10] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul seeks to soften the entry point to AA and simplify the first three steps. For many the steps are intimidating. They are nebulous, part dogmatic and for some there are simply too many God or higher power references. But the do make it clear many times that this God (higher power) is of your understanding. You can even use a red stapler as your higher power â they will fully support you.
The first three steps of AA:
1) We admitted we are powerless over alcohol
2) We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
3) We decided to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
Which can be broken down to:
1) I canât
2) You can
3) Take it
Paul says he feels the most powerful part of AA isnât the God stuff, itâs the group. The group is always stronger than the individual.
I canât, the group can. Here you go. Iâll see you all again tomorrow.
[10:18] Paul introduces Shelby:
Shelby is 38 years old, lives in Windsor Ontario and works for a car manufacturer on the assembly line. For fun Shelby enjoys all sports, camping and hiking.
In high school Shelby was very athletic. When she was 15, she decided to focus on hockey and made it onto a junior team. She learned about hockey culture and part of that is drinking and partying. Due to traveling and playing hockey Shelby didnât have time to drink much during high school.
While attending a development camp for hockey, Shelby had an injury that put her on the side lines. Throughout her time at Ohio State, doctors would tell her she was fine as she continued to suffer injuries that eventually required surgery. Shelby had dreamed of going to the Olympics and never considered she might not be able to.
She left school early and felt like a failure. Shelby knew her drinking was already an issue, and she needed a change of scenery. Shelby says she didnât have an identity outside of being an athlete. Alcohol and being social became a distraction for her and she avoided playing hockey for a long time.
The older she got; the more Shelby didnât feel like she had accomplished anything. Life after being an athlete was tough for her. Around 30 years old she realized she needed to make some healthy changes. She accepted an offer to play hockey with some friends and ended up getting coaching opportunities afterwards. She decided to do it and since she was getting back in shape, she decided to quit drinking for three months which led to almost two years.
After losing a close uncle, Shelby drank after his funeral. She continued to drink for a few years and tried using moderation techniques. At an alumni game, she was not able to play due to an unhealed injury. She showed up drunk and ended up losing her coaching job. After this she decided to quit drinking again.
Since quitting this time around, Shelby has started attending therapy. This has helped her uncover some of her issues. She does not care for AA and says in the beginning it was hard doing things that she used to do while drinking. Shelby deals with cravings by going for walks, listening to podcasts and using her quit drinking app. She enjoys doing things that she missed out on when she was younger. Shelby also looks forward to trying new things and traveling. Her clarity is so much better, and she loves that she knows she can make plans and keep them.
Shelbyâs parting piece of guidance: start today and start small and take it slow.
Recovery Elevator
We took the elevator down; we have to take the stairs back up.
I love you guys. We can do this.
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Episode 496 â One Way Street
Today we have James. He is 40 years old and lives in Melbourne, Australia. He took his last drink on November 20th, 2023.
Sponsors for this episode:
Visit Better Help today to get 10% off your first month
Visit Exact Nature use code RE20 to save 20% off of your order
[04:16] Thoughts from Paul:
The Paris Olympic Committee opted to not sell alcohol. They were confident that they could have successfully applied to sell alcohol but still decided not to. In an article from NBC News, it mentioned the following: âWhile many people enjoy a casual drink, thatâs not always the case. According to estimates by the French Public Health Society, 49,000 people are killed a year by alcohol consumption, which also causes 120 billion euros in damages.â Them choosing not to sell alcohol proves that things are changing around the globe regarding alcohol consumption.
Expanding on the topic of staying the course from last weekâs episode, Paul shares that sobriety is a one-way street. He has yet to hear a story where someone with alcohol-free has gone back to drinking and was happy with the decision.
The common theme when it comes to what drove them back to alcohol was that they drifted from the AF community and attended less meetings or stopped altogether. They second part of this is they all said it was not a pleasant experience and many ended up right back where they were.
Do not beat yourself if you do some field research. We often need those reminders to reinforce internally that you made the right decision. Paul says he hasnât met a single person who said they made the wrong choice when they decided to choose an alcohol-free life.
[11:03] Kris introduces James:
James lives in a rural area south of Melbourne, Australia. He is married with two kids, enjoys going to the gym and recently started playing football again.
James says he had a normal upbringing. He put a lot of pressure on himself and felt like he was always being watched. Alcohol entered his life when he was around 14 and drinking helped him turn things off as an escape and he felt freedom.
At 18, James moved out of his parentâs home with some older friends and was drinking on extended weekends but still very functional. When he was 20, he ended up moving to London where he felt complete freedom to do whatever he wanted, including living in a pub. James continued the weekend binge drinking with very little consequence.
After moving back to Australia in his late 20âs, James started a successful business and met the woman who is now his wife. Over time his feelings of not being âgood enoughâ in many areas of his life were very stressful and found James drinking more to self-medicate and disconnect.
Towards the end of his drinking, James says he and his wife were very disconnected. He was acting out and taking a lot of risks. After confronting him one day, James told her his life was a mess and she told him it was either rehab or leaving. James opted for the easier option of leaving and chose an Airbnb close to a pub where he could drink and gamble. After a few days of this bender, his wife showed up and lovingly took him home. He started doing research but was scared to commit to inpatient care due to running his business.
James eventually found an outpatient treatment that would suit him. He has been alcohol-free ever since. Working on his connections with his family is something James is really proud of. He looks forward to doing the step work with his sponsor in AA and growing stronger spiritually.
Jamesâ biggest fear around quitting: feeling his feelings and having to digest them.
Jamesâ favorite resources in recovery: Recovery Elevator podcast and a book with spiritual principles for each day that he can meditate on.
Jamesâ parting piece of guidance: Stick to it, keep showing up day by day and the magic happens down the track.
We are the only ones that can do this RE, but we donât have to do it alone.
I love you guys.
Recovery Elevator YouTube
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
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Episode 495 â Stay the Course
Today we have Robbie. He is 28 years old from Palm Springs, CA and took his last drink on January 4th, 2024.
Sponsors for this episode:
Visit Better Help today to get 10% off your first month
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[4:28] Thoughts from Paul:
You are listening to this podcast because youâve correctly identified that alcohol is what is holding you back. You see that alcohol isnât delivering what was promised.
Your inner guidance to quit drinking, to explore what that would look like is correct. Stay the course. Youâre inner voice is spot on. You are on the right path.
Paul shares his struggles with finding homeostasis after welcoming his child into the world. He feels his nervous system is stuck in a level of fight or flight. While he is feeling a lot of emotions around this, he reminds himself to stay the course. So, for all of those parents who are seeking sobriety â we will stay the course with you.
What does staying the course look like when we depart from alcohol? Maybe it is tuning in to the podcast each week or logging just one more day alcohol-free. Maybe you are working through a quit lit book and the voice is saying it wasnât that bad. Keep reading. Keep listening. Keep showing up. We are on the right path and itâs paramount that we stick together.
[10:18] Paul introduces Robbie:
Robbie lives in Palm Springs, CA. He enjoys tennis, pickleball, golf and interior design.
Robbie says he didnât drink much growing up and only started to drink while studying abroad in Australia. He was able to drink socially with little issue. The drinking became more frequent after Robbie had graduated college and was living alone in Denver. He found himself at happy hours and then returning home to continue to drink. At the time, Robbie knew that his drinking wasnât normal but chalked it up to being a phase.
During COVID lockdowns, Robbie ended up moving back to Montana to stay with his parents. Drinking was a great excuse since he didnât have obligations. After moving back to his apartment, his drinking began earlier in the day over time. He was starting to have physical repercussions from drinking heavily and decided to try and moderate or cut back. One event found him going to the liquor store for âhair of the dogâ and on the way back he ended up passing out. Robbie woke up in an ambulance on the way to the ER and had no idea who called them. This didnât deter Robbie from drinking, he just knew that if he tried to quit again, he would need to have medical detox.
On a trip to Montana visiting family, Robbie ended up getting a DUI right down the street from his parentsâ house. After his father picked him up from jail, he knew the cat was out of the bag.
At Christmas, Robbie decided to stay in Denver and told his mother that he was spending time with his girlfriend but ended up staying home. When his mother found out he wasnât with her, see felt driven to send Robbie an email expressing concerns about his health. He felt a lot of relief when he read it and knew that he was going to be able to get help now since his family was aware of his problem.
Robbie went to Betty Ford and stayed there for 21 days. It was more social than Robbie was accustomed to, but he grew very close with the people he was there with. After a few step-down programs, Robbie still goes to Betty Ford frequently and while AA isnât his favorite modality, he enjoys trying new meetings and keeps an open mind to all things recovery. He utilizes meetings, podcasts and gratitude lists in recovery and when he has a craving, he has found box-breathing helps him a lot.
What has sobriety made possible for Robbie: reconnecting with and loving himself.
Robbieâs parting piece of guidance: pick up the 100-pound phone, ask for help and youâll be really surprised by peopleâs response to that.
Recovery Elevator
Go big, because eventually we all go home.
I love you guys.
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Episode 494 - Discomfort = Good
Today we have Erin. She is 47 years old from Colorado and took her last drink on May 21st, 2022.
Sponsors for this episode:
Visit Better Help today to get 10% off your first month
CafĂ© RE â promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.
[02:53] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul shares with us âpain is followed by pleasure and pleasure is followed by painâ. Drinking to change the way you feel in order to feel better in the short term, will lead to a greater dip on the other side. Not only does drinking often come with a physical hangover, but the dopamine dip can be even worse.
The Comfort Crisis by Michael Easter is a great book on discomfort. The main point of the comfort crisis is to show that societyâs relentless quest for pleasure is actually doing us a tremendous amount of harm.
The discomfort that comes with ditching the booze is like a different type of gym that is making you so much stronger. Studies show that it was not uncommon for our ancestors to run and walk more than 25 miles in a day. Today we call that a marathon. They called it going out for dinner. A good sobriety tool to add to your toolkit is seeking discomfort â both the physical and the mental.
Buddha said that life is suffering, and all attempts to avoid the suffering only create more suffering. Logging alcohol free days and leaning into the boredom and discomfort is incredibly healthy for you and is actually level 10 self-care, even though it hurts.
[09:57] Kris introduces Erin:
Erin lives in a small town in Colorado. She is a psychotherapist. She lives with her partner and two dogs. They enjoy all things outdoors; hiking, skiing, walking, going to the lake and she is fortunate to love her work as well.
Growing up in a small town in South Dakota, Erin says drinking was part of the youth culture. Her older siblings drank and made it sound like fun. The first time Erin drank, she blacked out, but doesnât recall it being a bad experience. She drank at parties in high school, but her drinking slowed down when she went to college.
Living in Boulder, CO, Erin enjoyed more outdoor activities instead of drinking heavily. Her roommate and she got the opportunity to go on tour with their favorite band a few times and Erin remembers that as being when drinking was fun. She was a music lover and while working in clubs she enjoyed the perk of free drinks and meeting the bands.
In her late 20s, Erin had a career change and was with a partner that drank a lot. She says she drank a lot with them and was able to maintain her job and her martial arts training. She was working with women that came from domestic abuse situations so in comparison, she thought she was doing alright.
Erin ended up leaving the martial arts community but began drinking with her work community. Everyone else was able to drink Friday night and be done, whereas Erin wouldnât stop until Monday. She started having withdrawal symptoms when the bender was over, but this wasnât enough to make her quit.
Erin would try moderation and kept her drinking to a minimum when with her boyfriend, but it was different when she was alone. It wasnât until a bender while pet sitting that her boyfriend saw her in really rough shape. He made her leave with him and the next morning, Erin asked to go to the hospital because she knew it was time to quit for good.
Once Erin quit, she focused on telling the truth and surrendering to the fact that she could no longer drink. Erin has leaned into community and is going to retreats. It gives her something to look forward to on her calendar.
Erinâs favorite resources in recovery â podcasts and other peopleâs stories
Erinâs parting piece of guidance â thereâs a wisdom in patience, and simplicity. Do one or two things each day that are good for yourself. Sobriety is a journey and the brain is healing.
We are the only ones that can do this RE, but we donât have to do it alone.
I love you guys.
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Episode 493 â The War is Over, and I Lost
Today we have Allie. She is 31 and lives in Central, MA. She took her last drink on March 20th, 2024.
There are still a few spots open on our next Alcohol-Free travel trip to Vietnam. This upcoming January 9th-20th, 2025, weâre heading to this incredible Southeast Asia paradise for 10 days and 11 nights with 25 travelers who are done nursing hangovers.
Sponsors for this episode:
Visit Better Help today to get 10% off your first month
Exact Nature use promo code RE20 to receive 20% of your order
[03:25] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul shares that he lost the war with alcohol. It was not for lack of effort⊠for over ten years, he would get back up and keep fighting, he would implement new strategies to control his drinking, but it didnât matter. He still lost.
He eventually raised the white flag and through the process of deconstruction, Paul says humility entered on its own without invitation. Every day he has to remember just how bad he got his ass kicked.
Through the addiction process, humility is a gift that we receive. Humility is a modest view of oneâs own self-worth or importance and addiction is the equalizer that puts us all on the same level.
Losing the battle with alcohol is a humbling process which imprints on us a heaping dose of humility, which never leaves.
A big part of todayâs intro is empowering you to recognize this incredible gift.
Once the battle with alcohol is over and humility is gained, we ultimately win.
[10:38] Paul introduces Allie:
Allie is 31 years old, and currently lives in central Massachusetts. She is married and they recently bought a house. For work she is an occupational therapist for students with different learning disabilities. For fun she enjoys the beach, travel, reading and exercise.
Allie started experimenting with alcohol in high school â the typical parties on the weekend. Her parents were big advocates for safety around alcohol and knew that Allie and her brother were at the age of experimentation. Allie knew family members that had issues with alcohol but wasnât worried about them developing for herself.
After college, Allie moved to Boston and started to work. She says she enjoyed the social scene. Initially she didnât drink during the week but on the weekends the excitement of being with friends found her trying to keep the party going when others were fine to stop.
During COVID Allie and her friends would have happy hours over Zoom. Around 2022 was when she first heard the term âsober curiousâ but said the word âsoberâ scared her. Allie shares that she had times when she knew she had drank too much and felt some shame and guilt around it. This led her to start listening to podcasts about sobriety and hear stories from others that felt the same way. Allie found listening to other people her age quitting drinking was really motivating and helpful for her to realize she wasnât alone.
Because she wasnât an everyday drinker, she didnât think she had a problem. She would attempt moderation by limiting her drinks and avoiding certain alcohol. Allie quit drinking for stretches of time, but usually because of diet or an upcoming event. It wasnât until one night of overindulgence led to worrying her father when she realized that she needed to quit.
Since quitting, Allie listens to a lot of podcasts, attends therapy and journals regularly to reflect on where she is. Learning about the science has been very helpful to her and she has fostered a great relationship with herself while improving relationships with others. Self-discovery, self-acceptance and self-awareness have helped Allie realize that she is just someone that cannot drink.
Recovery Elevator
You took the elevator down; you gotta take the stairs back up.
I love you guys.
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Episode 492 â Alcohol Isnât the Problem
Today we have Kristi. She is 50 years old and lives in Rome, GA. She took her last drink on December 11th, 2023.
We just opened a few more spots for our upcoming retreat this August 14th through 18th in beautiful Bozeman, MT.
Sponsors for this episode:
Visit Better Help today to get 10% off your first month
Exact Nature use promo code RE20 to receive 20% of your order
[02:19] Thoughts from Paul:
We think this is all about alcohol, but itâs not. There are different support groups for many various addictions, and the one thing that they have in common is whatever comes before the word âAnonymousâ is not the problem.
Page 64 in the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book states that the liquor was but a symptom. The booze isnât the problem. There are deeper causes and conditions that are manifesting themselves in a drinking problem, gambling problem, shopping problem, etc.
For many of us, alcohol isnât the problem. It is but a symptom of what went down in our infant and toddler years. Childhood trauma (which can be both what happened to us and what didnât happen for us) can leave us with holes that we end up doing anything to fill. Many of those interviewed on this podcast explain that the first drink made them feel whole again.
We drink to change the way we feel and to cover up uncomfortable emotions. Alcohol is being used to cover up deeper issues. This may or may not be what you wanted to hear today, but itâs important to keep this podcast real.
TRIGGER WARNING:
The upcoming interview references self-harm.
[10:54] Kris introduces Kristi:
Kristi is 50 years old and is a hairstylist in Northwest Georgia. She has a 33 year old daughter with special needs, a partner and three dogs. For fun she enjoys reading, cooking and looks forward to getting back to kayaking.
Kristi says she had a good childhood. Her parents divorced when she was young, and they both remarried when she was around seven. Growing up, Kristi felt like she was on the fringe of being part of the âinâ crowd so would do what everyone else was doing to fit in.
Kristi had her first drink when she was around 14 years old. At age 16, she got pregnant and dropped out of school. After she had her daughter, she started experimenting a lot and found herself in and out of destructive relationships.
Around the age of 27, Kristi found herself addicted to opiates. During this time her father, who struggled with mental illness, committed suicide. This sent her on a downward spiral. About a year later she found a place that helped her quit the opiates. She was there for 8 months and when she returned, she drank because she knew that pills were her issue, not alcohol.
Kristi says she was a binge drinker. Alcohol was a way for her to mask the pain of the loss of her father as well as the struggles she had raising a special needs child.
As a hairdresser when COVID happened, she says she went downhill quickly. There was no work and being homebound found her day drinking and over time it started earlier in the day. The day drinking continued after returning to work and she had a few events that led her to seek treatment. It was an up and down experience for her after the first detox, but Kristi never gave up and neither did her family and friends.
After six months of sobriety, Kristi says it feels different this time. She has been leaning into Café RE and reaching out to some other friends to expand her connections. She found this and mediation to be most helpful to her.
Recently Kristi started going to college with the goal of being a counselor. She wants to use what she has been through to help others.
Kristiâs favorite resources in recovery: Cafe RE and podcasts.
Kristiâs parting piece of guidance: just do it. Life is so much clearer. There are so many things on the edge of your fingertips if you just put down the bottle.
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Go big, because eventually we all go home.
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Episode 491 â Sobriety is NotâŠ.
Today we have Santino. He is 36 years old, lives in Taunton, MA, and took his last drink on May 24th, 2022.
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[02:55] Thoughts from Paul:
A question we all eventually ask ourselves during our lifetime is â who am I? Eckhart Tolle (the author of The Power of Now and A New Earth) says that through the process of finding out who we are not, we also find out who we are.
One of our Café RE hosts, Tonya, shared a great list of what sobriety is not which Paul shares and elaborates on:
1) Sobriety is not the same for everyone.
2) Sobriety is not going back to how things were.
3) Sobriety does not rid you of your past.
4) Sobriety is not the end of your life if you enter recovery or treatment.
5) Sobriety is not the end of socializing.
6) Sobriety is not something you can do halfheartedly.
7) Sobriety is not just a temporary thing.
Rumi says âdonât be held captive. Your life has no border or shorelineâ. Donât be held captive by a mind created definition of what sobriety is because in reality, it can be whatever you want it to be. It can be infinitely boundless.
[10:42] Paul introduces Santino:
This is Santinoâs third appearance on the podcast, and he is celebrating 2 years alcohol free at the time of this recording.
Santino grew up in the Midwest but currently lives in eastern MA. He is currently working on writing his memoir and he and his wife are expecting their second child.
Curiosity in his early teens led Santino to try alcohol. He joined the military after high school where drinking is generally part of the culture. Santino considers his drinking rather benign until his late twenties. It was then that he began to use alcohol for coping through uncertainty in his life. Once he started finding himself focusing more and more on his next drink, he began gaslighting and manipulating to protect his drinking. Santino acknowledges that he was becoming like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Several months before he quit drinking, Santino had a bad withdrawal experience. At the time he was depressed and cared little about himself. He recognized that this may be what a rock bottom feels like and didnât want to go through this again. He was able to quit for three months in early 2022, but a birthday celebration in March found him falling right into the old habits.
A turning point for Santino was after watching coverage of a school shooting while at the bar. Thinking about becoming a better example for the children of the future, he stopped drinking that day. He calls this clocking out of purgatory. An ultimatum from his wife after discovering hidden debt sealed the deal for Santino.
Comparing the first year of sobriety to the second year, Santino feels there is pure form of clarity that he has. He no longer feels the need to hide anymore. He is exploring who he is and what he can offer to the universe.
Santino says he has been attending individual and marriage therapy which has been helpful to him. He works on fostering his relationships, attends AA meetings, practices positive self-talk, and works on connecting with his emotions and his inner self daily.
Santinoâs favorite recovery quote: âthe world record for the longest time without a drink is 24 hours.â
One thing Santino has learned in sobriety: that he has always had something to offer the world â his true, authentic self.
Santinoâs favorite sober moment: having the emotional capacity to deal with life as he knows it as well as deal with conflicts he would otherwise run away from.
Santinoâs parting piece of guidance: give yourself the grace that alcohol will never give you.
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Episode 490 - Expectations are Premeditated Resentments
Today we have Stephanie. She is 48 years old and lives in San Diego, CA. She took her last drink on January 11th, 2020.
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[2:21] Thoughts from Kris:
Kris shares that he and his family have always enjoyed camping. Recently, he was looking forward to a week that the family could get together, probably for the only time this summer due to work and social schedules. Things did not go as planned due to obligations, weather and some mishaps along the way.
Kris found his mind making the determination that if their week didnât look exactly like it was planned, then it was no longer good. This is one of Krisâs work-in-progress areas in his recovery. He shares that itâs somewhat normal to have expectations from the people in our lives and society in general, but what do we do when people, places and things fall short of those expectations?
A few things that Kris does is practice gratitude â he is grateful for the time he does get to spend with family and the great weather they had for most of the week. He also practices taking a self-inventory and shares page 86 from AAâs Big Book to give us an idea of what that looks like.
Let Kris know how you navigate expectations and resentments â [email protected]
[09:48] Kris introduces Stephanie:
Stephanie lives in San Diego with her husband and twin 16-year-old boys. She works as a legal analyst for a Fortune 10 company and loves sports. In her free time, she enjoys hiking, playing games and traveling.
Stephanie witnessed her father become a heavy drinker after the loss of her mother. She was young at the time and as she grew up vowed that she would not drink like he did. At 15, Stephanie first tried alcohol and ended up the victim of an assault during a blackout. Due to this, and her fatherâs alcoholism, Stephanie was very careful with her consumption for many years.
After having kids and one of them was diagnosed with autism, she began to use alcohol as a coping mechanism to deal with her high stress job and parenting. Others would participate with her having drinks after work, so it felt like a normal, adult thing to do.
When Stephanieâs husband became disabled in a work accident, things got tough for them financially. Her drinking increased while she was working to rebuild their lives. As things began to improve for the family, she realized that she was drinking too much but was sure she would be able to quit when she was ready â since she didnât look like her father, she didnât think it was that big of an issue.
When she tried to quit alone in 2019, she was able to get four months and thought she could return to normal drinking. After a while she was drinking to blackout again and knew she needed to get help. She attended rehab for 60 days and also discovered the RE podcast. Hearing others share their stories really helped her. Community has become so important to Stephanie, and she has made a lot of friends along the way that she calls her Spiritual Gangsters.
Stephanieâs plan in sobriety moving forward: continue being present with others, exploring her lifeâs purpose and living life authentically.
Stephanieâs parting piece of guidance: despite what you have been told, life without alcohol is so much more fun, fulfilling and connected than your life while drinking ever was.
We might as well go big RE, because eventually we all go home.
I love you guys.
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Episode 489 â The Best Parts of an Alcohol-Free Life
Today we have Chris. He is 56 years old and lives in Beacon, NY and took his last drink on April 18th, 2024.
Registration for our next Alcohol-Free travel trip to Vietnam opens TODAY! This upcoming January 9th-20th, 2025, weâre heading to this incredible Southeast Asia paradise for 10 days and 11 nights with 25 travelers who are done nursing hangovers.
Welcome to our new listeners! We are glad to have you with us. You are in the right place. There is a whole new authentic life awaiting you, which isnât far away.
Congratulations to Paul and his wife on the birth of their new baby boy!
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[04:10] Thoughts from Paul:
A few weeks ago, Paul asked our Instagram followers what is the best part of being sober or living an alcohol free life. He shares with us some of the responses he received.
The four biggest commonalities he saw were:
1) More authenticity
2) Less shame and regret
3) More energy
4) More clarity
Think of the sobriety quote âyouâre giving up one thing for everythingâ.
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[11:16] Paul introduces Chris:
Chris says he is 56 years old and grew up in northern New Jersey, close to NYC. Cooking is his passion, and he has worked in the food and beverage industry all of his life, currently in a director role. Chris also enjoys the outdoors and currently lives in the Hudson Valley.
Beyond the occasional night of overindulgence, Chris says his drinking was normal. He was around alcohol a lot in the industry he works in. After getting married, he and his wife enjoyed entertaining in addition to traveling to wineries and distilleries and building a collection. Over time Chris began drinking more than just wine with dinner, had booze all over the house and was drinking earlier in the day and more often.
After he and his wife got divorced, Chris found himself drinking more heavily and was less discriminate of what he was drinking as long as he was getting his fix, as he calls it.
He was breaking commitments and becoming less functional in his day-to-day life.
Chris didnât drink heavily around other people but told his family in 2018 that he needed help. He went into treatment and was able to gain 14 months. He was part of a sober community called Benâs Friends geared towards those in the service industry. Chris was able to gain some sobriety time but had a series of stops and starts with several more visits to rehab as well.
Currently at 34 days, Chris is working on rebuilding his life. He knows time will heal his relationships with family, and he is attending IOP for accountability. He is spending a lot of time outdoors and is grateful that the weather has been nice. He attends AA meetings, CafĂ© RE chats, and participates in meetings with Benâs Friends. Missing meetings is a non-negotiable for Chris and he also makes sure to nurture himself physically and spiritually.
Chrisâ best sober moment: being present with his partner while on vacation.
Chrisâ parting piece of guidance: stay connected.
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Episode 488 â Hello Truth
Today we have Christine. She is 58 and lives in Ontario. She took her last drink on December 29th, 2022.
Recovery Elevator is going to Vietnam January 9th-20th, 2025. Registration for our newest alcohol-free travel trip opens July 1st. We have room for 25 passengers on this journey. We have AF workshops, a home stay and a service project planned, plus youâll be traveling with others who have already ditched the booze.
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[02:56] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul shares with us some articles reminding us of what we already know: alcohol is shit.
Society is waking up to the fact that no amount of alcohol is good for you.
In 2023, GQ had an article titled The Year We realize Any Alcohol Is Bad For You.
The World Health Organization, who once supported the stance that one to two drinks per day is beneficial, is now doing an about face. Their headline was No Level of Alcohol Consumption is Safe For Your Health.
The New York times also had an article further showing that the truth is emerging: Even A Little Alcohol Can Harm Your Health.
Canadian Centre on Substance Use and Addiction shares Canadaâs Guidance on Alcohol and Heath.
NBC News shares their take on the fact that drinking moderately is not healthier than abstaining
If you want to join the discussion, go to the Recovery Elevator Instagram page and let us know what your thoughts are on todayâs intro. Or write to your local politician and let them know that alcohol is shit.
Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20
[10:08] Kris introduces Christine:
Christine is 58 years old and has two adult children, two cats, and is divorced. Christine is a massage therapist and enjoys participating in theater and reading in her spare time.
Christine said that she knew there was alcoholism in her family, and her parents didnât drink. She knew it was something that people needed to be careful with.
While at university, she saw her older brother participating in the party scene and believed that drinking was just part of the experience. She started drinking and says that it was like a release valve for her and helped her with her awkwardness.
After marrying her husband, Christine says drinking wasnât part of their life for a long time. The occasional bottle of wine turned into more alcohol towards the end of the marriage. Upon splitting up and moving to a new community, Christine found a music scene and easy friends there to frequently spend time drinking with.
Christine feels she was leading a double life and not many people knew the extent of her drinking. Her brother noticed and was concerned. Christine started having regret for her drinking and attempted moderation for a while.
Eventually she picked up Allan Carrâs book at the bookstore and began taking notes. Toward the end of 2019 she was able to quit for a period of time until the pandemic struck.
Since she was not working and unable to care for her parents as she had been doing, she used the time to drink and felt entitled to the break. After being able to go out again, she started feeling the shame and despair set in. She began to realize she wasnât going out for the music and friends, but for the drinks. After getting sick for two weeks and being unable to drink, something told Christine to take this opportunity to keep going.
Christine found podcasts, YouTube testimonials, and began reading quit lit again feeling called to sobriety. She joined and became active in Café RE. Keeping a list in her phone of her whys and why nots which helped her a lot.
Christineâs parting piece of guidance: we shouldnât be asking ourselves if itâs bad enough to quit, we should be asking if itâs good enough to keep.
Chrstineâs plan in sobriety going forward: seeking in-person connections.
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Go big, because eventually weâll all go home.
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Episode 487 â How Would You Walk?
Today we have Sarah. She is 45 and lives in Indiana. She took her last drink on December 31st, 2022.
Letâs talk AF International travel with Recovery Elevator. Weâve got some incredible trips in the works. Weâre going to Vietnam for 12 days in January 2025. Then Back to Costa Rica for our 4th trip to the Blue Zone in April 2025, and then, weâre going back to Peru in October 2025 where weâre going to the Inca Trail and work with Non-profit Peruvian Hearts again.
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[02:42] Thoughts from Paul:
The World Heart Federation published a policy brief in 2022 staying there is âno level of alcohol consumption that is safe for health.â There was and still is a collective belief that alcohol is good for you. This is especially prominent in the wine culture.
The paradigm is slowly cracking which is a huge step in the right direction. When Paul started Recovery Elevator in 2015, you couldnât find that line anywhere. It was almost customary to see a line that says something like âstudies show moderate alcohol consumption can improve heart health and longevityâ. Today the tides are turning and a narrative that alcohol can wreck your world (aka, the truth) is emerging. People are waking up to the lies that Big Alcohol has sold us.
Check out this recent article about a new phenomenon called BORGS explains what these are and then follows it up with the snippet about alcohol being shit.
[09:18] Paul introduces Sarah:
Sarah is 45 and lives in Indiana. She is married with two kids and works in marketing. When she isnât running the kids to their practices and games, she enjoys exercising, reading and backpacking.
Sarah parents divorced when she was 11 and she grew up with her mother who she was very close with. She doesnât recall alcohol being very present in their lives. Sarah didnât drink much in high school but in college and into her 20s, everything she and her friends did involved alcohol. She always knew her drinking looked a little different than everyone elseâs, but didnât identify it as a problem.
When Sarah was 35, her mother was diagnosed with brain cancer. Sarah quit working so that she could care for her mother through the diagnosis. Her drinking increased as she dealt with being a caretaker, having a family in addition to not working.
After her mother died four years later, Sarah says she did not know how to deal with life. She would drink into a blackout almost daily and was stuck in the cycle of wanting to quit but not being able to. Sarah began to worry that it might not be possible for her and worried that she would disappoint her mother if she wasnât able to quit.
In time, Sarah found sober podcasts and tried medications to help. She says Antabuse worked, but she would stop taking it in order to drink. No one knew she was taking it to try and quit and Sarah feels that by not sharing, she always left the door open to drink again.
Sarah knew something had to change and decided to come clean with her husband. Being active in the Café RE community helped Sarah gain the courage to choose a quit date and write a letter to her husband letting him know what was going on. Sarah says she received a lot of support from him.
After the physical withdrawals, Sarah felt hopeful. As the months went on, she protected her sobriety by avoiding situations where there was drinking, and she began to gain more confidence. Sarah says that when she has thoughts of drinking, she does chooses to put her energy into her sober resources instead.
Sarahâs best sober moment: experiencing the Northern Lights with her son
Sarahâs parting piece of guidance: never quit quitting.
[41:14] Outro:
Paul invites listeners to answer some questions not with words in their minds, but in how they carry themselves.
How would you walk ifâŠâŠ.?
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Episode 486 - The Most Dangerous Thing on the Planet
Today we have Adam. He is 46 from Flowermound, TX and took his last drink on December 31st, 2022.
Recovery Elevator is going to Vietnam January 9th-20th, 2025. Registration for our newest alcohol-free travel trip opens July 1st. We have room for 25 passengers to this southeast Asia destination. We have AF workshops, a home stay and a service project planned, plus youâll be traveling with others who have already ditched the booze.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[03:00] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul shares many things that are dangerous but concludes that the most dangerous thing on the planet is the Ego. The reason why it is so dangerous is because it is never fully satisfied, itâs always hungry, lives in constant state of lack and is always seeking more, more, more.
Alcohol is but a symptom of the most dangerous thing on the planet. Addiction gets a bad rap, but it does serve a purpose. It forces you to split from the thinking mind. As the author of The Untethered Soul, Michael Singer says you are the one hearing or witnessing the thoughts, but you are not your thoughts.
Some of the humblest people Paul has met have been people in recovery. The addiction is the equalizer and forces us to seek a better way no longer guided by the blind pursuit of the ego.
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[10:22] Kris introduces Adam:
Adam is a registered nurse, married to his wife for 23 years and they have two children. He loves hiking, camping and walking and enjoys tabletop gaming and the creativity and childlike innocence that it has awoken.
Alcohol was not very present in Adamâs childhood household. When he was 15, he had a bad experience with hamburgers and cheap alcohol that kept him away for a while. Typical teenage experimentation was there, but not much booze in his high school years.
Becoming a young adult found Adam at college and going to a lot of parties. The heavier partying led to Adam beginning to have blackouts and hangovers. He ended up going to the Appalachian Mountains for some mission work and to get away from his dissonance around substance use. He says it still followed him there and eventually he had to go back home.
Adam says drinking was part of he and his wifeâs early dating period. After getting married and having kids, Adam was working 45 minutes from home and found himself drinking on the way home from work and the drinking was becoming daily. He knew it didnât feel right but continued to do it. Deciding to start nursing school after the birth of their second child was very stressful and Adamâs drinking eventually found him seeking to stop but with short stints of sobriety, he would go back and feel stuck. This continued for Adam for a while and started to affect his relationships.
Adam feels he finally had a time where it just clicked for him. He had joined Café RE and then joined the Restore course and he was able to organize some tools and awareness around his drinking. He knew he had work to do but he was willing to work on it finally. He currently has a great support network and close friends that he is doing the work with. Adam feels that a lot of things about him have changed and every day he sees joy.
Adamâs biggest fear around quitting drinking: the fear of not having fun
Adamâs plan moving forward: staying connected and immersed
Adamâs parting piece of guidance for people thinking about quitting drinking: it makes the world colorful again and life will move in the direction itâs supposed to move.
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It all starts from the inside out.
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Episode 485 â The Social Cost of Alcohol
Today we have Jennifer. She is 41 from Hamilton, OT Canada and took her last drink on January 18th, 2024.
Recovery Elevator is going to Vietnam January 9th-20th, 2025. Registration for our newest alcohol-free travel trip opens July 1st.
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[02:09] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul shares some information from an article he saw on the Instagram page recoveryroadmap.me. It discusses how in Canada, despite bringing in $13 billion in tax revenue, the net social costs in 2020 was $19 billion. And it is even worse in the US.
The bright side of all of this is that we are becoming aware of this major deficit, and change is taking place. The demand for alcohol is lowering as people are becoming more aware that alcohol is not good for you. Two years ago, The Huberman Lab did a podcast called What Alcohol Does to Your Body and he debunked the myth that alcohol is good for you.
Paul also shares that thanks to an initiative called Sounds Right, musicians who use natural sounds can list âNatureâ as a featured artist and royalties from the tracks will go toward environmental causes.
Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20
[08:33] Paul introduces Jennifer:
Jennifer is married and they have a daughter and a standard poodle. She works for the family business and for fun she plays paintball, tennis and volleyball â anything active with friends.
Jennifer says that as the âgood girlâ growing up, she always wanted to be bad and says that drinking fit in with that. During the week she was excelling in school, but on the weekends, she went to raves with friends and started smoking weed. She enjoyed the duality of her life and the same pattern continued at university.
While in her first year of college, her father bought back his company with a ten-year plan of Jennifer becoming the CEO. The stress and responsibility of this and her parents divorce a few years later all found her drinking escalating. Some of her friends told Jenniferâs mom about her drinking and staged a small intervention to which Jennifer was not receptive. She assured everyone she was ok, but then just began to isolate when she drank.
After the plan found her becoming the CEO, her drinking went from nights and weekends to drinking all day just to cope. She recognized that this was a problem but was scared to mention it to anyone. This is when she first joined Café RE, started listening to podcasts and trying to learn more about the disease. Jennifer tried a lot of moderation methods but was never successful until she got pregnant with her daughter at 35. She was able to quit drinking while pregnant and a few months after having the baby.
After returning to work, Jennifer says her drinking started right where she left off. She says she was beginning to have disturbing thoughts and finally concluded that she needed help. Not being able to come up with a good way to quit without anyone knowing, she decided to confide in her cousin who she knew would understand.
In January of 2024 at a dinner with her cousin, mom and husband, Jennifer was able to burn the ships, and everyone was very supportive. Upon going to treatment shortly after, Jennifer says she took her recovery very seriously and wanted to make it worth her time.
Journaling and practicing mindfulness are big parts of Jenniferâs recovery, she takes time to be present with her daughter and her life, attends meetings and counseling regularly and says stacking habits are important to her growth. Nurturing the sober version of herself has been great for her. Jennifer can see a future now
Jenniferâs best sober moment: Walking my daughter to school and being present.
Jennniferâs parting piece of guidance: Donât be afraid to ask for help.
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It all starts from the inside out.
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Episode 484 â Recovery is a Sandwich
Today we have Brian. He is 59 from Eastern Iowa. He took his last drink on May 23rd, 2023.
Recovery Elevator is going to Vietnam January 9th-20th, 2025. Registration for our newest alcohol-free travel trip opens July 1st and weâve got room for 25 passengers. Whoâs up for seeing the world with a group of travelers who have ditched the booze?
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[02:24] Thoughts from Kris:
Krisâ topic today is one of the foundational themes in recovery which is telling our story or burning the ships as we refer to it at Recovery Elevator.
Burning the Ships refers to when Hernan Cortez sailed across the ocean and ordered his men to burn their ships when they landed. There was no turning back, no retreat. When we share our story, we can no longer hide from it and are faced to move forward with others having knowledge of our journey.
This isnât a black and white situation so it will be different for everyone, and we each have to do what is right for us. Kris shares the different levels of burning the ships and his experiences with them. He feels that the positives outweigh the negatives. When people hear our stories, not just the stats, it changes their perception. Hearing our stories in othersâ, helps us know we are not alone, and we never know the impact that sharing our stories may have on others.
Think of the moments that have inspired you. What is your version of that? Let Kris know what you think. How has burning the ships played out for you? Email [email protected] to share your thoughts.
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[10:48] Kris introduces Brian:
Upon the release of this episode, Brian has just celebrated one year of sobriety!
He is married, together they have five adult children and seven grandchildren. Brian is active and enjoys many outdoor activities, home projects, travelling and reading.
Brian grew up on a farm and recalls it was common for people to have drinks after a long day of work. He says he and his friends would sneak beer out of curiosity. When he was in his teens, he and his friends would drive around the gravel roads with a cooler of beer. After graduating high school, Brian joined the military, which was a tradition in his family. He was enlisted for two years and lived the âwork hard, play hardâ life that is common in that environment.
Shortly after discharge from the Army, Brian got a DUI. He did not feel this was a red flag to stop drinking, just needed to pay the fine and move on. After graduating college, he got his first job in management and married his first wife. They bought land and started a family together. Brian says drinking was mostly social on the weekends and at the local tavern after work.
Brian and his wife got a divorce after 15 years married. Soon after, Brian began suffering from extreme anxiety and panic attacks. He tried medication and meditation to deal with it, but it was still intense.
A few years later, Brian started dating his current wife. They were very social and frequently drank, but she was not a heavy drinker. Brian began to find himself waking up with anxiety and would often change his work hours to accommodate his drinking or recovery from the night before.
In December of 2020 Brian discovered his sister had recently become sober. He feels this really led him to examine his drinking. Upon arriving home from that visit, he started reading a lot and listening to podcasts. He began attending more group chats with Café RE and connecting with other folks in recovery. Brian says his sister taught him a lot of mindfulness exercises which he has found very helpful.
Brianâs parting piece of guidance for those considering sobriety: just dig in and try it.
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Go big because eventually weâll all go home.
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Episode 483 â NA Beers
Today we have Tyler. He is 37 and lives in Phoenix, AZ. He took his last drink on November 28th, 2023.
Recovery Elevator welcomes Danielle Marr to the team! She now writes the bi-monthly newsletter for RE which always has journalling prompts at the end. She taught our DTB writing course this last fall and does Instagram posts a couple days a week. She was also interviewed on episode 464.
To subscribe to the Recovery Elevator newsletter, click here and wait for the box to pop up.
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[03:35] Thoughts from Paul
Paul shares with us the history of NA beers and how they were created to pacify the Mothers Against Drunk Drivers campaign back in the 90âs. The companies had zero intention of scaling this segment of their business and it has been said that the purposefully made the beer tasteless and bland.
Those days are gone. Non-alcoholic beer sales have been growing every year by 30-40% since 2019. Many of the major beer brands are investing time and money into creating their own NA products and there are more breweries popping up that are 100% dedicated to making an AF craft beer.
There is no need to explore the NA beer world in the early days of your alcohol-free life because it can be triggering. There is trace amount of alcohol in many of the NA beers (usually less than 0.5%) and you would have to drink 25-30 of them to reach the legal BAC. Check out this Instagram post where someone drinks several NA beers and stills blows zeros into a breathalyzer.
What the AF beer world exploding shows is that people are waking up to the fact that alcohol is not good for you and big alcohol sales are reflecting that. The stigma around alcohol addiction is also crumbling. We as consumers decide every move a business makes â start asking for more AF options at restaurants and grocery stores. Start asking and you will receive.
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[09:58] Paul introduces Tyler:
Tyler is 37 years old and lives in Phoenix, AZ and has a six-month-old daughter. He does maintenance for a homeowners association. Tyler is also a musician and enjoys performing, writing, and recording music.
Tyler had his first drink when he was in high school as simply a fun thing to do with friends. A health scare which ended up with tumor removal drove Tyler to feel he needed to live life to the fullest. He says his drinking increased as it was associated with having fun, and he discovered his passion for being a musician. That found him romanticizing alcohol, drinking more after gigs, and acquiring DUIs. Since a lot of people he knew had DUIs, it was considered normal and wasnât taking seriously.
When he lost a close family member to cancer, Tyler says his drinking evolved from good and bad to ugly. He and his girlfriend went out often, and his drinking became more frequent both while out and while at home. Tyler had a lot of anger that would come out while drinking. These issues eventually found Tyler and his girlfriend splitting up.
Tyler started going to therapy and discovered that the loss of his aunt affected him more than he realized. He was able to process some of his anger and cut back on his drinking. He and his girlfriend got back together and six months ago their daughter was born. Tyler began to realize that his drinking was interfering with this new life and told his girlfriend he was ready to quit. At this time, he also reached out to a supportive cousin that has over 20 years in recovery.
Tyler says AA didnât resonate with him, but books, podcasts and other peoplesâ stories have been very helpful. He believes in recovering out loud.
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I love you guys.
Go big because eventually weâll all go home.
-
Episode 482 - Anna
Today we have Anna. She is 49 from North Georgia and took her last drink on December 22nd, 2017.
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[02:09] Thoughts from Paul:
A few weeks ago, Paul made a post on the Recovery Elevator Instagram pages asking people what advice they would give to somebody who was about to quit drinking.
Thank you to everyone that commented on the video, there were well over 100 comments.
In this episode, he shares some of the comments and be sure to follow Recovery Elevator on Instagram if you donât already.
The most common advice was donât do this alone, reach out for help, and join a community.
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[11:16] Kris introduces Anna:
Anna lives in North Georgia and is a custodian at a middle school. For fun she enjoys hiking, camping and all things outdoors.
Anna first started drinking when she was 18 in college. Prior to that she was focused on being a runner and it was when an injury made her stop that she traded her running addiction for alcohol. She says that she was a blackout drinker from the beginning.
When asked by her now ex-husband why she drank Anna said it was because she wanted to. She believed it was a privilege to drink as long as she was keeping up with her responsibilities. At the time she didnât believe that it wasnât normal to be throwing up in the bathroom every day. She considered drinks as a reward for getting things done.
Anna got a DUI and was required to attend a recovery center. That put her back in contact with other people and she realized that she missed being social and doing things with other people. Her last day of drinking was when she went Christmas shopping and told herself that she wasnât going to drink, but she did. The next morning, her kids told her they werenât able to wake her up the night before. Thatâs when Anna realized she had lost the privilege and the desire to drink was gone.
About three weeks after that, she started attending AA and a group called FAVOR which had a kickball team. She enjoyed being able to do things with other people who didnât drink. One of the reasons she was hesitant to quit drinking before was because she felt alcohol was involved in everything social.
Anna says that the 12 steps are a lifestyle for her. She enjoys the structure and routine of AA. After a few months, she got a sponsor and began to work the steps. Anna says that she enjoys being open minded about recovery and participating in things that are not AA. The first 90 days in recovery, Anna says she was very go with the flow. She feels she learned all she could from alcohol and was ready to learn the joy of recovery and getting to meet new people and learn new things again.
In sobriety, Anna enjoys traveling and meeting new people. She feels that life is meant to be experienced and she knows she has to take chances and meet new people. Anna feels she always has a group everywhere she goes. Sobriety gave Anna her confidence back and a sense of purpose. She feels that life challenges havenât been nearly as hard since she is sober.
Annaâs favorite resource in recovery: âCafĂ© RE or AA, whatever I can get my hands on first if itâs just picking up and scrolling through Facebook or YouTube with listening to speakers.â
Annaâs parting piece of guidance: keep things simple, donât compare yourself to other people, remember you cannot get drunk if you donât pick up the first drink.
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Weâre the only ones that can do this RE, but we donât have to do it alone.
I love you guys.
-
Episode 481 - Collective Truths
Today we have Susie. She is 52 and lives in Lubbock, TX and took her last drink on February 10th, 2024.
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[02:18] Thoughts from Paul:
Paulâs goal with the introductions each week is to find a topic that we can collectively resonate with. His goal is for as many of us as possible to say âyepâ or to nod our heads while listening.
There are many different types of listeners to the podcast. Some had already ditched the booze, some long ago and some more recently. Another group is still in the process of quitting drinking. We also have another group of listeners who are here to support a loved one who is struggling with alcohol. We are so glad you are here with us.
Paul lists the many reasons why people listen and what they are looking for by doing so. Ultimately, we are all here to grow.
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[09:58] Paul introduces Susie:
Susie is 52 and lives in Lubbock, TX with her husband of two years. She has been a hairstylist for many years and considers it her passion. Susie enjoys reading, exercise, enjoying the outdoors and attending sporting events.
Susie first experimented with alcohol when she was in high school and didnât care for it. There was very little drinking for Susie throughout college and her 20âs. In Susieâs 30âs, her husband and she began to drink socially on the weekends but his drinking increasingly got worse and eventually the divorced due to his anger issues and alcohol abuse.
For a long time, Susie didnât use alcohol as a coping mechanism but had other issues that she feels were attempts to avoid her feelings such as an eating disorder and excessive exercise. Susie reflects that she didnât really have an off switch when she drank for events, but typically wouldnât drink for a while afterwards.
Shortly after marrying her current husband, some issues started to arise in their relationship and Susie found herself beginning to use alcohol to cope. She says it wasnât much of an issue until she began to try and hide how much she was drinking. It started to create issues in her marriage and Susie would find her husband leaving her a few times, which created feelings of abandonment and rejection.
After an event that led to Susie being hospitalized, she attended an IOP but left and continued drinking. Her husband asked her to go to inpatient rehab, so she did, but she continued to drink afterwards and ended up taking another trip to rehab a few months later. Her husband eventually ended up leaving, which was very eye-opening for Susie. She started attending a womenâs AA group which she enjoyed and learned a lot from.
Going forward Susie plans to continue attending AA meetings when she can, and she just joined Café RE where she plans to be an active participant. She and her husband are separated now but are attending counseling and Susie feels hopeful about their future. Susie surrounds herself with positive people at work and has friends from rehab that she checks in with frequently.
Things Susie has learned about herself on this journey: self-acceptance; loving yourself. No matter where you are, youâre okay just the way you are.
Susieâs best sober moment: spending time with her husband going to sporting events sober.
Susieâs parting piece of guidance: donât ever give up on yourself, donât isolate yourself, always surround yourself with people.
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You took the elevator down; you gotta take the stairs back up.
You can do this.
I love you guys.
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