Afleveringen
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Traditional BDSM culture has tended to ignore the artistry of being a good switch in favor of pure-dom/pure-sub identities and dynamics. Contemporary BDSM culture places a much higher value on switches and switching, but the specific skillset remains less understood and appreciated. In this episode, Julie and ElsieXO describe some switch identity journeys and unpack some of the skills good switches need. (Also, the Doug described in Elsie's story is in fact Doug Robinson, previous guest of the show). Apologies that some of the sound quality in this episode deteriorates a bit at the end--even extensive editing couldn't quite fully save it :-(
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Julie and her sub Artifiction have both been writing erotica for years. In this episode, they share their wildly different journeys to the same destination of writing smutty stories. They discuss the qualities of good erotica, share perspectives on erotica reading and writing, and end with tips, tricks, and games for writing it for yourself, an audience, and/or your partner.
Julie has published stories in:
Best Women's Erotica, volume 8
Big Book of Quickies
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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~Content warning: Very explicit BDSM erotica~
Welcome to the Valentine's Day erotica special! This episode is a two-parter. This second episode contains two original short stories by Julie that are Fem Dom/masc sub. The first is "The first taste" and the second is "Possession."
If you're looking for published versions of my stories, check out these anthologies:
Best Women's Erotica, Volume 8
Big Book of Quickies
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~Content warning: Very explicit BDSM erotica~
Welcome to the Valentine's Day erotica special! This episode is a two-parter. This first episode contains two original short stories by Julie that are Masc Dom/fem sub. The first is "Your dirty little fuck toy" and the second is "The kind of slut you are."
If you're looking for published versions of my stories, check out these anthologies:
Best Women's Erotica, Volume 8
Big Book of Quickies
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In this conversation between Julie and Doug Robinson, they unpack some of the quirks and challenges of defining and articulating more complicated "sexual orientations." Both of them feel like usual labels don't do a great job of encompassing their own sexual desires and experiences, and they question the usefulness of these labels. In particular, Julie questions the wisdom of depending on "born this way" as an explanation/justification for sexual attraction, arguing that even if sexual attraction is a choice, that shouldn't make it any less legitimate.
Fashion plate toy mentioned in this episode: https://amzn.to/3WISInk
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In this episode, Julie interviews playwright Doug Robinson about his experiences growing up and living as a gender non-conforming man. A pressing point in their conversation is the need for a social equivalent for feminine butch for men. We have come to accept a gender identity/presentation (at least for queer women) of "woman, but kind of masculine," but we have no corresponding identity/presentation of "man, but kind of feminine." Inspired by male seahorses, who can carry the babies of their species, Doug argues for a more expansive social construction of masculinity.
Mentioned in this episode:
You Know Me Well by Nina LaCour and David Levithan
Also, if you're in the DC area this Feb through March, you can see one of Doug's plays!
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In this episode, Julie talks about many the things that she loves about rope bondage (sometimes called shibari) and discusses vocabulary for talking about what we all love about rope. From art to dance to sex to intimacy to spirituality, there are so many ways to approach rope and do it with passion. This episode is intended for experienced rope lovers to articulate what they love about rope, and for people who are unfamiliar with rope learn more about what the rest of us get out of this demanding and versatile hobby-kink.
Rope and Photo by Lex_Red, Bottom Julie
Links to related instagram posts:
How to talk about what you love about rope
Different perspectives on loving rope
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Trigger warning: brief discussion about Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) and Dubious Consent (DubCon)
Feminine dominants are a much misunderstood, misidentified, and misrepresented bunch. In this episode, Julie has a laughing (very late night) conversation with her co-top partner SugarandPoison about their "villain-coded" kinks as fem tops/sadists/doms. They discuss some of the challenges of finding an identity as a fem dom, and spend a lot of time going over their pleasures in it as well. Most of all, they remind listeners that you can do and be a fem dom however you want--their version just happens to lean rather dark and evil.
Photo credit: Julie tying ScarlettPanda at Boundcon '24, photographed by LadyZady
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Many people are understandably confused about the relationship between sex and BDSM because... the relationship is very confusing. In this episode, Julie draws from the research she's conducted on the BDSM subculture as well as her extensive personal experience to try to answer the question "is BDSM about sex?" The short answer is, "ish, but you should never trust anyone who gives you a simple answer to this question, because it's extremely personal and subjective."
Referenced in this episode:
Please Scream Quietly: A Story of Kink, by Juile Fennell
"The Prosocial Sadist," by Jennifer Erickson and Brad Sagarin
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Throughout developed countries, young men have been running to extremist conservative politics with disastrous consequences for democracy. Rather than responding with sympathy or concern, liberal discourse has largely focused on disgust, rejection, and revulsion. In this episode, Julie and her husband Jonny (whose chief stated expertise is "I'm a guy") unpack some of the social disadvantages that men in developed countries face that liberals frequently deride or ignore. They argue that liberals need to open their minds, hearts, and ears to these issues so that young men will stop finding "sympathy" from the wrong people, and describe strategies for society and individuals to engage more positively and proactively with men.
Mentioned in this episode:
Of Boys and Men by Richard Reeves
Violated: Sexual Consent and Assault in the 21st Century by Julie Fennell with Remy Green
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Neither mainstream culture nor BDSM subculture is particularly supportive of masculine submission--especially for hetero(ish) cis-men. In this interview, Julie's submissive Artifiction describes his personal experiences trying to reconcile social norms of cis straightish masculinity with the fundamental desire to have someone else be in charge. He and Julie unpack some of the considerable social and personal obstacles that he and other masculine submissives like him face. These include lack of fictional or real role models, lack of social support, and constant struggles for legitimacy.
Mentioned in this episode:
Please Scream Quietly: A Story of Kink
Violated: Sexual Consent and Assault in the 21st Century
Dominatrix: Gender, Eroticism, and Control in the Dungeon
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Drawing heavily on the research she conducted from 2012-17 in the BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Dominance and submission, Sadism & Masochism) subculture, in this episode Julie analyzes the way that gender is broadly connected to BDSM roles. Generally speaking, masculinity is tied to dominance, femininity is tied to submission, and queerness is tied to switching. This episode also discusses some about the way age and desirability intersect with gender and BDSM roles.
Mentioned in this episode:
Please Scream Quietly: A Story of Kink by Julie Fennell (2022)
The Night Is Young by Hector Carrillo (2001)
Blog posts on Fetlife for who actually benefits the most from BDSM scene involvement:
part 1 and part 2
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Trigger warnings: childhood trauma in general terms, mental illness (especially Borderline Personality Disorder), and relationship dissolution/divorce
Relationship attachment theory has become increasingly popular in Queer communities, but in this episode, Julie explains that the science doesn't really support the enthusiasm. However, one category is perhaps a bit more valid from a scientific perspective than the other three: disorganized attachment (anxious-avoidant). This episode reviews some of the history of relationship attachment theory, critiques its research methods, and proposes that using a behaviorist/learned helplessness framework for understanding relationship patterns can often be much more helpful than the psychoanalytic framework it originated from. It also discusses some of the reasons why relationship attachment theory is so compelling for many Queers (who have often been failed by the mental health establishment), with calls for more research on mental illness dynamics in romantic relationships.
Wikipedia history of attachment theory
Borderline personality in men
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
Summary of disorganized attachment in relationships
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Two competing ideas exist: (1) that all polyamorous people don't get jealous and (2) that all polyamorous people get jealous but are just really good at processing their anxieties and talking about their feelings with their partners. In reality, both things are true--many poly people get jealous, and many poly people just don't. In this episode, Julie discusses the complexities and implications of these differences for individuals, relationships, and the poly/BDSM subculture.
Referenced in this episode:
Diagram of non-monogamies
Wheel of Emotions
