Afleveringen
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Amy Betters-Midtvedt, author of You'll Make It, and They Will Too, joins us to share her experience raising five teenagers and offers practical advice on effective communication, handling dating and social media, and fostering mental health and responsibility.
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Full Show Notes
Parenting teens can often feel like navigating a minefield, fraught with miscommunications, emotional upheavals, and a constant barrage of new challenges. Many parents find themselves at a loss, longing for the days when their greatest worry was whether their child would eat their vegetables or play nicely with others. When it comes to teenagers, the stakes often feel much higher, and the navigation significantly murkier.
How do you maintain open lines of communication with your teen? What should you do when they break the rules or need direction? How can you help them deal with the pressures of social media, or the heartbreak of their first serious relationship?
Weâre joined this week by Amy Betters-Midtvedt, an author and seasoned parent who knows these challenges all too well. Amy is the author of the new book, You'll Make It, and They Will Too: Everything No One Talks About When You're Parenting Teens. With five teenagers of her own, Amy has seen and experienced the multitudes of teenage tribulations and triumphs. Her engaging narratives and insightful advice have garnered her over a million readers and appearances in publications like HuffPost and Parents Magazine.
The Inspiration Behind the Book
Amy reveals that the idea for her book came from personal moments of loneliness and confusion, wondering if other parents dealt with similar struggles. She highlights that conversations about parenting teens often fall silent, creating isolation for parents. Her goal with the book is to provide guidance and camaraderie, sharing wisdom and commiserative anecdotes in an easily digestible format.
Effective Communication with Teens
One of the standout strategies Amy discusses is the power of noticing and naming positive behaviors. Highlighting what children are doing right can help reinforce those behaviors, whereas constantly pointing out what theyâre doing wrong can tear down their self-esteem and create friction. As an educator, Amy understands the profound impact that language can have on shaping a child's self-perception and her approach has been both simple and transformative.
Different Kids, Different Rules
Amyâs experience with five unique children underscores the necessity of individualizing rules and expectations. She compares this to how different injuries require different treatments rather than a one-size-fits-all approach. This strategy is respectful of each childâs individual journey and needs, rather than trying to enforce uniformity. This personal touch helps keep the lines of communication open and reinforces trust within the family.
Handling Dating and Romantic Relationships
When it comes to teenage dating and relationships, Amy underscores the importance of being a supportive, non-judgmental, listening ear. Navigating teenage heartbreak is about empathy and presence, rather than rushing in to solve or fix their problems. She also emphasizes the importance of knowing when professional help is needed for mental health issues, drawing parallels to how we wouldnât hesitate to seek medical help for a physical injury.
Welcoming the Teen Coming Home from College
A special chapter discusses the unique challenges and joys of welcoming home a college student. Amy talks about managing expectations and understanding that the child who comes back from college may be different from the one who left. Supporting their newfound independence while maintaining house rules requires a delicate balance, but itâs a rewarding experience.
In the EpisodeâŠ
Amy Betters-Midtvedt shares invaluable advice that any parent of a teen can benefit from:
How to maintain open and effective communication with teensBalancing different rules for different kidsEmpathizing and supporting teens through heartbreakUnderstanding the importance of professional help for mental healthNavigating the dynamics when college kids return homeThis episode is packed with practical tips and heartfelt advice that make it a must-listen for anyone parenting teens. Amyâs experiences and insights offer a reassuring reminder that youâre not alone in the journey and that with understanding and love, you and your teen will indeed make it.
For more of Amy's wisdom and updates, you can follow her on her blog at AmyBettersMidtvedt.com and connect with her on social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @AmyBettersMidtvedt.
Tune in to this enlightening episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more expert advice on navigating the teenage years!
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Ben Orlin, author of Math for English Majors, joins us to share how parents can understand and teach math effectively. We explore how mathematics can be approachable and enjoyable for both parents and teens.
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Full Show Notes
Math can often feel like an insurmountable challenge, especially for parents trying to help their teens with homework. Many parents remember their own struggles with math or may feel unqualified to help, particularly if they excelled in non-numerical subjects like English or history. Itâs easy to feel lost when faced with the task of supporting a teen in a subject that stumped us years ago.
However, the world of math doesnât have to be daunting. Often, the barrier isn't the complexity of the subject itself, but the way it's been traditionally taught. Being able to assist and guide teens through their math-related challenges can create not only better academic outcomes but also strengthen your relationship with them. Shifting the way we understand and approach teaching math can have a tremendous impact on our teens' confidence and capabilities.
This week, weâre diving into how parents can gain the mathematical insight they need to support their teens. We're joined by Ben Orlin, a seasoned math teacher, and author of the popular blog, Math with Bad Drawings. Ben's new book, Math for English Majors, focuses on making math accessible, even for those who have historically found the subject challenging. His unique approach, which includes the use of humorously "bad" drawings to explain mathematical concepts, aims to demystify math and make it more engaging for everyone.
Math and Its Misunderstood Nature
Ben explains how math is often abstract and how its inherent structure can put people off, especially when taught in a rigid, one-size-fits-all classroom. His insights touch on the disconnect many feel when they believe they are "bad at math", and how the educational system's approach often heightens this feeling. He emphasizes the importance of leading with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to explore the subject differently.
Bridging the Gap with Analogies and Language
One of the key strategies Ben discusses is drawing parallels between math and language. Just as language has structure and rules, so does math. By relating mathematical concepts to linguistic structures that are already familiar to many parents and teens, he opens new avenues for understanding. A key idea shared is the notion of thinking of equations not as rigid commands but as dynamic structures that can be "paraphrased" much like sentences in a story.
Games: A Gateway to Mathematical Thinking
Ben also delves into the use of games as a tool for making math more approachable. Games inherently involve strategic thinking and problem-solving, which are core components of mathematical thought. He suggests incorporating board games and puzzles into learning routines to help teens develop a natural comfort with mathematical reasoning without the pressure of formal education settings.
Embracing the 'Bad Drawings' Philosophy
A significant part of Ben's teaching philosophy is embracing imperfection. His "bad drawings" method aims to lower the stakes and create a more inviting atmosphere for learning math. This approach removes intimidation and encourages teens to view mistakes as part of the learning process rather than failures.
In the EpisodeâŠ.
My discussion with Ben Orlin offers valuable insights and practical tips for parents looking to better support their teens in math:
How to use everyday language to explain complex math concepts.The importance of shifting from a right-or-wrong mindset to understanding the process in math.Ways to incorporate games into learning to foster a fun and enriching math environment.Practical examples from Benâs book and classroom experiences that demonstrate how math can be engaging and accessible.Additionally, Ben shares his broader thoughts on the essential role parents play in shaping their teens' educational experiences.
For listeners interested in further exploring Benâs methodologies and drawing some inspiration from his lighthearted yet effective approach, you can visit his blog at MathwithBadDrawings.com or follow him on social media platforms like Twitter (@BenOrlin) and Instagram (@MathwithBadDrawings).
Tune in to this episode to revolutionize your approach to teaching math and build a more math-friendly household. Donât forget to subscribe and share if you found this episode helpful!
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Tovah Klein, author of Raising Resilience, explains how parents can help their teens develop the resilience needed to overcome lifeâs inevitable setbacks, emphasizing the importance of anchoring, containing emotions, and fostering self-acceptance.
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Full Show Notes
Your teenager is bound to face setbacks. Whether itâs failing a test, missing out on a sports team, or experiencing heartbreak, every teen encounters hurdles. But what differentiates teens who rebound from those who falter? The science of resilience provides some answers.
Resilience isnât just about bouncing back; itâs about how we cope with adversity, manage stress, and maintain emotional stability amidst challenges. Parents play a pivotal role in helping their teens develop resilience, supporting them through everyday setbacks and larger life crises. Understanding this, we delve into how parents can shape resilient teens who can navigate life's ups and downs.
Weâre joined by Dr. Tovah Klein, a psychology professor at Barnard College and author of the new book Raising Resilience: How to Help Our Children Thrive in Times of Uncertainty. With extensive background in developmental psychology and firsthand experience from working in New Yorkâs homeless shelters, Tovah offers practical insights for parents striving to build resilience in their children. Her work spans from understanding everyday stressors to handling major life events, providing a comprehensive framework for fostering resilience in teenagers.
Anchors and Containers: Providing Security and Stability
Tovah emphasizes the dual role of parents as both anchors and containers for their teens. Acting as an anchor means providing a consistent, reliable presence that lets teens know they have a safe space to return to. This is crucial as they navigate the world, testing their independence and coping with new challenges.
As containers, parents help manage their teensâ emotional intensity. Adolescence is marked by heightened emotions and volatility, requiring parents to absorb and help regulate these feelings. Tovah explains that parents donât need to solve every problem but should aim to provide stability and a calming presence.
The Importance of Routines
Routines offer predictability, countering the inherent unpredictability of life. Consistent family routines, like regular dinners or bedtime rituals, provide teens with a secure structure. These routines also help parents notice when things are offâbehavioral deviations can signal that something is wrong.
When routines are disrupted, itâs an opportunity for parents to check in, offering support and understanding. Tovah discusses how creating these structured environments allows teens to feel more in control and less overwhelmed by external stressors.
Effective Communication: Listening Over Fixing
One of the key themes in Tovahâs approach is the importance of empathic listening. Teens often express their struggles through behavior rather than words, indicating that something might be wrong through irritability or withdrawal. Instead of trying to fix issues immediately, Tovah advises parents to validate their teenâs feelings and offer a listening ear.
This doesnât mean avoiding boundaries. Tovah suggests maintaining clear limits but being flexible and understanding about why a teen might be pushing against them. An example from the book involves a scenario where her son snapped at her about laundry, which symbolized larger underlying anxieties. Offering empathy and allowing space for teens to process their feelings can lead to more meaningful resolutions.
Building Self-Acceptance Over Self-Esteem
Tovah differentiates between self-acceptance and self-esteem, noting that unbridled parental enthusiasm for achievements can make teens feel their worth is conditional on success. Instead, parents should encourage self-acceptanceâhelping teens appreciate who they are, including their imperfections and setbacks.
True resilience involves facing failures and learning from them. Tovah emphasizes the need for teens to sit with their negative emotions, understand where they feel them physically, and process these feelings. This approach helps teens develop inner strength and emotional regulation skills, crucial components of resilience.
In the EpisodeâŠ
My conversation with Tovah was filled with actionable insights for parents looking to foster resilience in their teenagers. We also cover:
The concept of the âadolescent dilemmaâ and why itâs significant.Practical methods for helping teens process and manage failures.The distinction between controlling and supporting teens.Building a strong parent-teen relationship through everyday interactions.If youâre interested in raising resilient teens capable of facing lifeâs adversities, this episode is a must-listen. For more from Tovah Klein, you can visit her website at tovahklein.com or follow her on social media. Donât forget to subscribe and share our podcast. Weâll see you next week!
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Jo-Ann Finklestein, author of Sexism and Sensibility, joins us to discuss the pervasive nature of unconscious gender biases, how they shape our daughters' lives, and what parents can do to raise empowered, resilient girls.
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Full Show Notes
In our ever-evolving society, we like to believe that weâve made significant strides in overcoming sexism. Despite our good intentions and progressive outlook, many of us unknowingly carry unconscious biases that we inadvertently pass onto our children. These gender biases can deeply affect our daughters, shaping their self-esteem, their future aspirations, and their interactions in ways we might not fully comprehend.
Itâs crucial for parents to recognize and confront these seemingly invisible biases, not only for the sake of their daughtersâ futures but for the overall health of our society. So how can we ensure that our biases donât shape our daughtersâ perceptions of their own capabilities? What steps can we take to foster a generation of empowered, resilient girls who can shatter the age-old stereotypes holding them back?
To help us navigate these questions, weâre joined by Dr. Jo-Ann Finklestein, a clinical psychologist whose work has been highlighted in major outlets such as the New York Times and Harvard Business Review. Jo-Annâs new book, Sexism and Sensibility: Raising Empowered, Resilient Girls in the Modern World, is an essential guide for parents striving to combat gender bias in their homes. Armed with her insights, we hope to provide practical strategies for breaking the cycle of unconscious sexism.
Understanding Hidden Biases
Dr. Jo-Ann Finklestein shares her personal experiences of growing up with three brothers where she first encountered gender bias. A simple gift like a pink hockey stick became a symbol of ingrained stereotypes. These early experiences shaped her understanding of gender norms, which she later explored academically at Harvard. Jo-Annâs journey helped her understand how pervasive these biases are and how they subtly, yet adversely, affect girls from an early age.
Jo-Ann explains how societal expectations shape our perceptions of boys and girls differently. Citing fascinating research, she reveals that parents often underestimate their daughtersâ abilities from infancy. These biases, even when unintentional, lead to a lifelong impact on girls' self-esteem and confidence.
Redefining Feminine Traits
Jo-Ann discusses why traditional "feminine" traits are undervalued and how parents can help their children appreciate these qualities. She underscores the importance of valuing emotional intelligence, empathy, and cooperation just as much as traditionally "masculine" traits like assertiveness and competitiveness. By changing our perspective on these traits, we can help our daughters develop a more rounded and fulfilling sense of self.
Shifting Relationship Narratives
One pivotal aspect of Jo-Annâs book is how cultural narratives around romance and relationships often place girls in passive roles. She argues that this dynamic not only stunts emotional growth but also impacts future adult relationships. Jo-Ann encourages parents to teach both their daughters and sons the importance of mutual respect and shared responsibility in romantic relationships.
Discussing practical case studies, Jo-Ann provides insight into helping girls maintain their agency and assertiveness, even within a dating context. She emphasizes the need for open communication about love being an action, rather than just a feeling.
Handling Appearance and Objectification
Jo-Ann tackles the complex issue of appearance and self-objectification. She discusses the importance of helping girls understand that their value is not determined by their looks. By focusing on what their bodies can do rather than how they look, parents can nurture their daughters' body confidence. She offers actionable advice on dealing with comments about appearance and encourages parents to emphasize their daughters' abilities and intelligence.
Navigating Anger and Emotional Expression
One of the recurring themes in Jo-Annâs book is anger and its suppression in girls. She explains how societal norms discourage girls from expressing anger, leading to internalized pain and health problems. Jo-Ann shares stories from her practice to illustrate how repressed anger manifests physically and emotionally. She provides tips on teaching girls to express their anger healthily, encouraging them to stand up for themselves without feeling shame.
In the EpisodeâŠ
Jo-Ann and I delve into a rich array of topics that will help parents better understand and support their daughters. Some of the key themes we discuss include:
How to empower girls while combating unconscious gender biasesThe impact of everyday sexism from early childhood through the teenage yearsPractical steps for fostering assertiveness and self-confidence in girlsStrategies for teaching boys to respect boundaries and view girls as equalsThe hidden dangers of self-objectification and how to counteract themWe also touch on topics like preparing girls for unfair societal scrutiny, teaching financial literacy equally to boys and girls, and the complexities surrounding modern-day relationship dynamics.
This episode is packed with insights and practical strategies from Jo-Annâs vast experience and research, making it essential listening for any parent looking to raise empowered, resilient daughters. Donât forget to subscribe, and weâll see you next week.
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Eli Harwood, author of Raising Securely Attached Kids, dives into connection-focused parenting, exploring how parents can maintain strong bonds with teens, even as they become more independent.
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Full Show Notes
Parenting teens can be incredibly rewarding, but itâs also a time fraught with challenges and rapid changes. Just when you think youâve got a strong connection, everything can start spiraling out of control seemingly overnight. Emotional outbursts can replace casual conversations, and mutual understanding can feel like a distant memory. So, how can parents keep their relationship with their teens strong and resilient during these tumultuous years?
One key to maintaining this bond lies in understanding the science of attachment, a concept that is critical not just during infancy but throughout childhood and adolescence. Teens are transitioning, sharing more attachment needs with peers, and carving out their own identities. How can parents navigate this landscape without losing their pivotal role in their children's lives?
To unravel these questions, we turn to expert Eli Harwood, a therapist, writer, and the force behind the online community Attachment Nerd. Eli is the author of Raising Securely Attached Kids, a must-read for parents eager to foster secure bonds with their children. Eli brings her own experience of overcoming an insecure attachment and turning it into a lifelong mission to help other families.
The Science of Teen Attachment
Eli enlightens us about attachment, the instinctive drive we all have to form close relationships. While young children rely mostly on their parents for attachment needs, teenagers start to transfer these needs to friends and romantic partners. This shift can be emotionally taxing for parents as they feel their central role diminishing. However, Eli reassures us that while teens seek independence, the parental bond remains crucial, especially in moments of high distress.
Mastering Emotional Regulation
The teenage years are a roller coaster of emotions, and as Eli explains, parents must be the grounded, stable force. She emphasizes the necessity of responding to teenagers' changing emotional landscapes with maturity and empathy. Eli offers strategies for parents to practice emotional management, which involves recognizing and naming emotions accuratelyâa skill termed as alexithymia when absent. By modeling and encouraging a rich emotional vocabulary, parents can significantly improve their teens' ability to navigate their own feelings and form healthy relationships.
Consulting, Not Controlling
Eli introduces the concept of parents becoming "consultants" rather than controllers. Teens are more likely to seek advice and support from parents who respond maturely to their growing independence. It's important for parents to calm their fearful, possessive instincts and reposition themselves as sources of wisdom and encouragement. When teens trust that their parents are secure in their roles and non-threatening, they are more likely to maintain open lines of communication.
Addressing Problematic Behaviors
When it comes to problematic behaviors such as lying or substance use, Eli advises a balanced approach of boundaries without punishment. Drawing a clear line between setting boundaries for safety and punitive measures, she champions an approach based on empathy, understanding, and mature dialogue. Eliâs emphasis here is on understanding the underlying emotional turmoil causing such behaviors and addressing that rather than solely focusing on behavioral correction.
Fostering Gratitude and Empathy
Another important aspect Eli discusses is the practice of empathy mathâgiving empathy to elicit empathy. She tackles the common parental concern of their teens being ungrateful or selfish, explaining that these traits are a normal part of the developmental stage. Instead of expecting gratitude, parents should model it. Showing appreciation for the little moments can inspire teens to mirror this behavior.
In the EpisodeâŠ
Eli's insights bring a refreshing perspective on readjusting our parenting strategies for the teen years. Her advice is practical, compassionate, and grounded in psychological research. Tune in for a deeper dive into:
Recognizing and responding to catastrophic thinkingThe importance of body language and mirroring emotionsAdvocating for connection before correctionHandling life transitions and significant changes in teensFor more tips from Eli Harwood, visit her website attachmentnerd.com, or follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Thank you for listening! Donât forget to share and subscribe for more insights on parenting teens.
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Michelle Jurkiewicz and Diane Ehrensaft, co-authors of Gender Explained, join us to dismantle common misconceptions about transgender and non-binary youth, address the impact of misinformation, and highlight the importance of thoughtful, gender-affirming care.
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Full Show Notes
In today's digital age, the flood of informationâboth accurate and misleadingâabout gender can be overwhelming for parents. Understanding the real science and nuanced truths behind gender diversity is essential, not just for parents of transgender or non-binary teens, but for any families navigating the complex landscape of modern gender identity. Misinformation can exacerbate anxieties, perpetuate harmful stereotypes, and hinder the emotional and psychological development of our teenagers.
Regardless of whether your child is cisgender or part of the LGBTQ+ community, becoming well-informed about gender identity issues is crucial. Misconceptions can lead to unintended harm, fostering environments where biases and myths thrive. Ensuring we respond with understanding and backed by research can make a world of difference in how our children perceive themselves and their place in society.
To shed light on these issues, we're joined by Dr. Michelle Jurkiewicz and Dr. Diane Ehrensaftâco-authors of the new book, Gender Explained. Diane is the co-founder and director of mental health at the Child and Adolescent Gender Center at UCSF, an esteemed expert with numerous publications on gender. Michelle is a clinical psychologist and gender specialist in Berkeley, California. Together, they bring a wealth of knowledge about gender identity and equity, highlighting how gender-affirming care can profoundly impact mental health positively.
Addressing Misconceptions
One of the most harmful pieces of misinformation is the belief that gender-affirming care lacks a scientific basis and is merely politically driven. Michelle and Diane emphasize that gender-affirming care is indeed evidence-based and involves a diligent, thoughtful process, contrary to the notion of rubber-stamping treatment requests. They also point out that contrary to some accusations, gender diversity is innate and cannot be instilled by external influences or by medical professionals.
Another issue they tackle is the myth that a transgender identity in children is just a phase or that it is contagious. Michelle highlights the essential point that gender, much like other aspects of identity, manifests uniquely in each individual, and invalidating these identities can have damaging effects on young people.
The Importance of Proper Care
Diane passionately debunks the "rubber stamping" mythâinstead explaining that gender-affirming care is a collaborative effort involving mental health professionals, endocrinologists, parents, and the children themselves. This multifaceted approach ensures decisions are made carefully, supporting the child's well-being at every step. She also introduces the concept of "social gender dysphoria," which acknowledges that external societal pressures often exacerbate the discomfort felt by gender-diverse youth.
Particularly insightful is how they address the emotional journey parents may face, including moments of grief or confusion. Understanding that gender identity is about honoring children's dreams and realitiesârather than the expectations we may haveâis pivotal in fostering a healthy family dynamic.
Handling Emotional Responses
Our discussions also delve into how to manage personal discomfort as a parent when confronted with non-conforming gender expressions. Diane offers personal anecdotes illustrating how initial discomfort can transform into acceptance and understanding over time, emphasizing the role of love in this process. Michelle adds practical advice on slowing down and reflecting on our gut reactions, encouraging compassion and self-awareness as tools for overcoming bias.
Furthermore, Michelle explains the necessity of sports participation for transgender youth in fostering mental health, community, and personal development. Excluding children from sports teams, she warns, can have detrimental impacts on their well-being.
The Broader Picture
The book also tackles broader societal issues, such as rapid-onset gender dysphoria (a concept Michelle thoroughly discredits), the impact of restrictive legislation on transgender youth, and the importance of creating inclusive environments. By redefining misunderstood concepts and emphasizing evidence-based research, Diane and Michelle aim to replace fear and misinformation with understanding and support.
By the episodeâs end, it becomes clear that thoughtful, gender-affirming care benefits children profoundly, reaffirming their identities and promoting healthier, happier lives. Michelle and Diane continuously advocate for gender literacy, reminding parents of the continual evolution of gender understanding, underlined by humanity and empathy.
In the EpisodeâŠ
Want to dive deeper into these critical issues? Hereâs what else youâll find in our enlightening conversation:
The psychological impact of sports inclusion for transgender youthHow to navigate rapid-onset gender dysphoria accusationsThe role of patience and understanding in affirming your childâs identityAddressing the balance between parental authority and adolescent independencePractical advice on handling name changes and social transitionsDonât miss this episode for expert insights and compassionate advice. Listen in to be part of a conversation that promotes equality and understanding for all youth. Remember to share, subscribe, and join us next week for more insights on parenting teens!
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Lindsey Cormack, author of How to Raise a Citizen, joins us to discuss the importance of teaching teens about civics and political engagement, and provides actionable strategies for parents to help their kids become informed and empowered citizens.
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Full Show Notes
In today's hyper-polarized world, talking about politics can seem more like navigating a minefield than having a meaningful conversation. As parents, we often shy away from these discussions to avoid conflict. However, if we want to raise teens who understand their power as citizens and feel confident engaging with political issues, it's imperative that we find ways to bring these topics into our homes.
Our guest today, Lindsey Cormack, is here to help us do just that. Lindsey is a professor of political science who has conducted extensive research on how civics is taught across the United States. She's the author of the new book, How to Raise a Citizen and Why It's Up to You to Do It. Lindsey shares her wealth of knowledge on the subject, revealing why so many young people are left in the dark about our political system and what we can do about it.
Lindsey's research shows that civics education in schools is often inconsistent and inadequate, with a general trend of decreasing emphasis over time. With many students only receiving a brief overview in their senior year of high school and varying state delivery methods, itâs no wonder teens feel unprepared. Additionally, political conversations in classrooms have become fraught, with teachers fearing backlash from parents over anything perceived as too political.
But politics doesn't have to be controversial or divisive. Lindsey suggests that instead of relying on schools, parents can take an active role in encouraging their kids to engage with politics. This can be as simple as having regular conversations about current events, exploring the importance of local government, and recognizing the impact of political decisions on their daily lives. Lindsay recommends starting by discussing things your kids are already noticing in your community and taking these observations to your local representatives.
Understanding and Experiencing Government
The episode delves into the disconnect between what is taught in schools and the political engagement colleges look for in applicants. Lindsey emphasizes that parents can bridge this gap by teaching their teens about the levels of government and how each impacts their community directly.
To demystify government for our kids, Lindsey suggests getting involved in local community boards or even setting up meetings with local officials. Through real-world experiences, teens can learn about civic engagement and understand the role they play in shaping their community.
Action Civics: Learning by Doing
Lindsey argues for the importance of "action civics"âprojects where teens identify issues in their communities, research solutions, and learn the process of effecting change. This hands-on approach to civics can help kids see themselves as participants rather than spectators in the political process. From advocating for school policy changes to organizing clean-up projects, these activities empower students and teach them valuable skills.
Cultivating Healthy Political Dialogue
In an era where political conversation often means confrontation, Lindsey offers practical advice for parents on how to facilitate respectful and productive political discussions at home. She provides a framework with specific questions to guide these conversations in a non-combative manner, seeking to understand rather than to win an argument.
Lindsey also notes the value of petitioning and discusses how even younger teens can organize and influence their schools and neighborhoods with petitions on issues they care about.
In the Episode...
My conversation with Lindsey was incredibly insightful. Beyond the main topics discussed above, we also dive into:
Why teaching to the test has squeezed out civics education.The importance of understanding federalism and different levels of government.Practical steps parents can take to introduce their teens to active citizenship.Why reviewing sample ballots before elections can empower first-time voters.Strategies to help teens have respectful political debates and discussions.If you enjoyed listening, you can find more from Lindsey at howtoraiseacitizen.com, lindseycormack.com, or on Instagram @howtoraiseacitizen. Donât forget to share and subscribe, and weâll see you next week!
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If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!
Welcome to Episode 300! For this weekâs episode, weâre sharing some of our clips from our favorite episodes. This is material previously reserved for members, but we liked it so much we want to share it with everyone.
Thank you to all our listeners for sticking with us over the past six-plus years! We are grateful for your support and look forward to the next hundred episodes!!
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Patricia Roos, author of Surviving Alex, explores the complexities of addiction, advocating for a shift from punitive measures to a public health approach and sharing deeply personal insights from her son's battle with substance use disorder and eventual overdose.
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Full Show Notes
Addiction is a complex and often misunderstood issue, frequently discussed in simplified terms that do little justice to those who struggle with it and their families. Many hold onto unhelpful myths about addiction, focusing on perceived moral failings or simplistic disease models. But what if these views miss the broader picture? What if we could better understand the root causes and contexts surrounding addiction, ultimately providing more effective support and interventions?
In this episode, we delve into the intricate dynamics of substance use and addiction, highlighting not just drug addiction but also related behaviors like anorexia, bulimia, and self-harm. We uncover how these issues are often deeply intertwined with individual psychology and broader societal factors.
Our guest today is Patricia Roos, Professor Emerita of Sociology at Rutgers University and author of Surviving Alex: A Mother's Story of Love Loss and Addiction. Patriciaâs personal connection to this issue, through her son's battle with substance use disorder and his eventual overdose, lends a poignant and compelling perspective to her scholarly insights.
Understanding Addiction Beyond MythsPatricia argues that prevailing models of addictionâthe moral model and the disease modelâfail to capture the full scope of this issue. She points out that a purely individualistic approach overlooks the critical role of societal and contextual factors. Instead, she proposes a more nuanced understanding that considers how context shapes individual choices. This shift in perspective opens up new avenues for addressing addiction in more empathetic and effective ways.
The Hidden Battles With Anxiety and ControlIn recounting her son Alex's journey, Patricia reveals how his struggles began in adolescence with anorexia and later evolved into substance use. She emphasizes that these behaviors were coping mechanisms for underlying anxiety and a relentless drive for perfectionâa theme that resonates with many adolescents today. Patricia offers insights into how parents might spot early warning signs of such struggles, encouraging a compassionate and proactive approach.
The Role of Treatment and Societal StigmaPatricia sheds light on the stigmas associated with addiction within the medical community and the criminal justice system. She shares her advocacy for a paradigm shift towards treating addiction as a public health issue rather than a criminal offense. This change, she argues, could reduce the damaging impact of stigma and open up more supportive and effective treatment options.
Patient Trafficking and the Rehab SystemIn a particularly eye-opening segment, Patricia discusses the concept of patient trafficking within rehab systems, especially in areas like Florida. She describes how some rehab centers exploit patients for financial gain, pushing them into cycles of relapse and readmission without providing genuine support. This exploitation exemplifies the need for systemic change in how we handle addiction treatment, ensuring it is truly geared towards recovery.
In the Episode...- How societal stigma and punitive measures exacerbate addiction.
- The connection between early anxiety, mental health issues, and later substance use.
- The need for a public health approach to replace the current criminal justice focus.
- The shady practices of patient trafficking within the rehab system and the importance of ethical treatment options.
Join us for a compelling discussion that seeks to unravel the complexities of addiction and offers a call to action for more compassionate and effective responses. Listen now to understand the broader contexts of addiction, equip yourself with knowledge to support your teen, and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more insightful episodes.Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok
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Scott H. Young, author of Get Better at Anything, joins us to demystify the true essence of learning, improvement, and mastery, shedding light on how parents can guide their teens to excel both academically and personally.
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Full Show Notes
Parents face the continual challenge of helping their teens become proficient learners. With teens constantly navigating the realms of academics, sports, and personal interests, understanding how they can master new skills is invaluable. So how can we, as parents, support our teens in their quest for masteryâwhether it's in school subjects, sports, or their personal hobbies?
This week we have the privilege of speaking with Scott H. Young, author of Get Better at Anything. Scott is an expert in the domains of learning and mastery, best known for his pioneering research and practical guides on how individuals can achieve excellence in various life fields. With a background deeply intertwined with education due to his parents being teachers, Scottâs insights are grounded in both personal and professional realms.
In this episode, we uncover effective strategies to help teens become better learners and improve their skills more efficiently. Scott shares fascinating insights about retrieval practiceâa method that solidifies memory retention better than repeated exposure. While traditional beliefs suggest problem-solving without guidance builds deep understanding, Scott reveals how observing and emulating can often yield better results.
Mastery Through Examples
For Scott, learning isnât just about trial and error; itâs about studying examples and getting comprehensive practice. The perfect balance involves âSee, Do, and Feedbackââa cycle that ensures effective learning. Scott also touches on cognitive load theory, explaining how our limited working memory plays a role in learning and offers practical advice for leveraging this understanding to aid teens in their academic endeavors.
Failing Forward
Facing challenges is essential for growth, but Scott emphasizes the need to strike a balance between challenges and successes. Early failure without appropriate support can demotivate teens. Instead, Scott advocates for building confidence through small wins before presenting more complex challenges. This method not only helps teens stay motivated but also prepares them to handle tougher problems with resilience.
Creating Practice Loops
A significant part of Scottâs methodology is designing practice loops. Ensuring that teens get enough variability in their practice sessions is crucial for long-term retention and generalization of skills. Rather than sticking to blocked practice where the focus is on one type of problem, Scott encourages mixed approaches to help teens become flexible and adept problem solvers in various contexts.
Fear and LearningFear is another major obstacle in the learning process. Whether it's test anxiety or fear of public speaking, these emotions take up cognitive resources that could be better used for problem-solving. Scott discusses exposure therapy as a way to help teens gradually face their fears, thereby reducing their anxiety over time. He underscores that persistent effort in overcoming fears is key to long-term mastery and success.
In the EpisodeâŠOur conversation with Scott yields numerous actionable strategies that can be beneficial for parents looking to boost their teens' learning potential. Beyond the highlights mentioned above, we also delve into:
- Why early assessment in classrooms can be demotivating and how mastery learning can help.
- The importance of creativity and productivity in achieving mastery.
- Strategies for unlearning bad habits and adopting better techniques.
- Real-world examples of how small adjustments in teaching techniques can lead to big improvements.
For those interested in diving deeper, you can explore more of Scottâs insights at scotthyoung.com where you can also find his books and podcast.
Tune into this episode to learn how to foster an environment conducive to mastering new skills and to encourage your teens to reach their full potential. Don't forget to share, subscribe, and review so more parents can benefit from these insights!
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Alex Edmans, author of May Contain Lies, delves into how confirmation bias and belief polarization skew our perceptions, offering tips for parents to help their teenagers navigate misinformation and think critically.
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Full Show Notes
In today's digital world, misinformation spreads faster than ever. Even as adults, we often find ourselves believing things that aren't true or are more nuanced than we think. The issue becomes even more critical when considering how we raise teenagers to be discerning and truth-seeking individuals.
How do we guide teens to differentiate fact from fiction in a sea of misleading information? How can we teach them to critically evaluate the plethora of claims they encounter dailyâwhether in social media, news, or even school? The ability to critically question and analyze data is a vital skill, and itâs more crucial now than ever.
To delve into the complexities of misinformation and how to tackle it, we're speaking with Alex Edmans, a professor of finance at London Business School. Alex's TED Talk, "What to Trust in a Post-Truth World," has resonated with millions, and his book, May Contain Lies, explores how biases impact our understanding and decision-making processes. With a keen focus on both finance and everyday life, Alex offers deep insights and practical advice on how to navigate a world filled with skewed information.
Understanding Confirmation Bias
Confirmation bias is a significant issue that affects how we process information. Alex highlights that we often accept information that aligns with our pre-existing beliefs uncritically, while scrutinizing information that contradicts our views. This is prevalent not just in finance and economics, Alex's fields of expertise, but also in everyday topics like parenting and healthcare.
For instance, Alex describes how widely accepted recommendations like exclusive breastfeeding may not be as beneficial as we think. While these claims are backed by reputable sources like the World Health Organization, they may overlook other contributing factors like socio-economic status and family support systems. By critically examining the research and understanding its context, we can make more informed decisions and avoid unnecessary guilt.
Tackling Black and White Thinking
Another prevalent bias Alex addresses is black and white thinking, where we categorize things as entirely good or bad with no gray areas. This kind of thinking is aided by simple, extreme messages that go viral on social media but often lack nuance. Alex illustrates this with the example of the Atkins diet, which gained popularity for its extreme stance on carbohydrates, even though it oversimplifies the role of carbs in a balanced diet.
For parents, understanding and combating these biases can help in guiding teenagers to see beyond black and white categorizations. Encouraging them to reason through their beliefs and understand the nuances can foster more critical and balanced thinking.
Solutions: The Ladder of Misargument
To help teenagers and parents alike navigate misinformation, Alex introduces the "Ladder of Misargument," a framework that breaks down common types of misinformation into four categories:
A statement is not a fact: Understand the context and accuracy of the information.Facts are not data: Ensure the facts are representative and not isolated.Data is not evidence: Look for causation, not just correlation.Evidence is not proof: Recognize that evidence may not be universal or applicable in all contexts.Creating a Culture of Inquiry and Dialogue
Encouraging skeptical thinking in teenagers isn't just about teaching them to question authority but creating a culture where it's safe to ask questions and express doubts. Alex discusses how a high-power hierarchy can stifle honest communication and the flow of ideas. By reducing hierarchical barriers and fostering open dialogue, whether in families or workplaces, we can create environments where critical thinking thrives.
Parents can also model this behavior by openly discussing their thought processes and demonstrating how to critically analyze information. Encouraging teenagers to explain their viewpoints in detail can help them see the limitations of their own understanding and foster a habit of thorough investigation.In the EpisodeâŠ
Alex shares a wealth of insights on how to cultivate critical thinking and avoid common pitfalls of misinformation. Tune in to learn about:
How sports results can mysteriously affect the stock marketThe importance of asking detailed questions and listeningWays to foster healthy debate within familiesHow to identify and mitigate common biases in everyday decisionsIf you enjoyed this weekâs episode, you can find more from Alex on his website, alexedmans.com, or follow him on LinkedIn under the username A Edmans. Donât forget to share and subscribe, and weâll see you next week!
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Cara Fitzpatrick, author of The Death of Public School, joins us to discuss the history and implications of school choice in America. We delve into how school vouchers, charter schools, and education savings accounts redefine public education.
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Full Show Notes
The structure and definition of public education in America are changing rapidly. With more states adopting programs that allow parents to divert public funds to private and charter schools, the idea of what constitutes a public education is being fundamentally reexamined. These changes have far-reaching implications for our communities, teachers, and children.
To explore this critical topic, weâre joined by Cara Fitzpatrick, editor at Chalkbeat and Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist. Caraâs deep dive into the origins and effects of school choice is encapsulated in her book, The Death of Public School. Her work offers a comprehensive look at how we've arrived at the current state of education and what it means for the future.
Origins of School Choice
Cara traces the beginnings of school choice back to Florida, a significant testing ground for charter schools and voucher systems. The concept hinges on the principle that public money should follow the student, whether they attend a public, private, or charter school. This notion became particularly contentious with the introduction of education savings accounts, offering unprecedented flexibility in how public funds can be utilized for a studentâs education.
Navigating the Varieties of School ChoiceSchool choice programs can take various forms, such as school vouchers and charter schools. While charter schools operate with public funding but independent management, vouchers allow parents to use public money for private school tuition, including religious institutions. Cara breaks down these different models, highlighting the nuances and controversies associated with each.
Historical Context and Its ImplicationsUnderstanding the history of public education helps contextualize todayâs debates. From the vision of early American leaders like Thomas Jefferson to the contentious battles over school integration in the 1950s, Cara illustrates how the definition of public education has evolved. She emphasizes that this isn't just a new debate but a complex issue with roots in America's early history.
Where Are We Now?School choice has grown significantly, with programs now available in over half of the states. However, this growth hasnât come without challenges. Cara explains how the initial waves of school choice, such as those in the 1950s used to resist desegregation, differ significantly from todayâs initiatives. She also addresses the legal battles that have shaped the current landscape, including key Supreme Court decisions that have supported the use of public funds for religious education under specific conditions.
Future of Public EducationThe future of public education is uncertain but seemingly headed towards more choice and less traditional public schooling. As Cara discusses, the recent push towards universal programs â accessible to all students regardless of income or need â indicates a shift supported by current political and judicial climates.
In the EpisodeâŠIn our conversation with Cara, we explore various other topics, including:
- The economic arguments for and against school choice
- The potential for discrimination within choice programs
- The role of competition in improving public schools
- Historical and contemporary court rulings impacting school choice
- Predicting the future landscape of American public education
Caraâs deep research and thoughtful insights offer a balanced view on a complex issue. For a more detailed understanding, grab a copy of her book, The Death of Public School, and consider attending local school board meetings to stay engaged with how these changes might affect your community.
For more thought-provoking conversations and expert insights, make sure to listen to this weekâs episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens.Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok
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Kate Parker, author of Force of Nature, joins us to discuss how to cultivate teen activism and empower them to raise their voices about vital issues. We explore the impact of authenticity in photography, the importance of encouraging teens to speak out, and practical tips for capturing meaningful moments with your camera.
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Full Show Notes
In todayâs digital age, teenagers are constantly bombarded with idealized images and messages on social media. Often, these images are meticulously curated and edited, setting unrealistic standards for beauty and success. For parents, this raises a crucial question: how can we help our teens rise above these false ideals and find their authentic voices?
This week, weâre speaking with Kate Parker, a renowned photographer and author of several influential photo collections, including Strong is the New Pretty and her latest, Force of Nature. Kateâs work focuses on capturing the real, raw moments that highlight the true strength and beauty of young girls. By putting forward authentic and unpolished images, Kate encourages both teens and adults to embrace their genuine selves and to celebrate their unique voices.
In our discussion, Kate shares the insightful journey behind her first book, inspired by her desire to present her daughters in a true and unfiltered light. The project started with personal portraits but grew into a celebrated movement as her authentic representations resonated globally. Kateâs book, Strong is the New Pretty, has been translated into multiple languages, proving that the message of unyielding authenticity transcends cultural boundaries.
Fostering Teen Activism
One key theme in Kateâs latest book, Force of Nature, is empowering teens to raise their voices and advocate for change in their communities. Divided into sectionsâFind Your Voice, Use Your Voice, Sustain Your Voice, and Amplify Your Voiceâthe book showcases young girls who have taken impactful actions, from writing op-eds to suing the government, to advocate for causes they believe in.
Kate underscores the importance of parents actively encouraging their children to speak out. When kids come to us with complaints or concerns, we should nudge them toward advocacy by asking how they might change things and offering our support. Parents can play a crucial role in providing the initial push that helps teens realize their potential for making a difference.
Capturing Real Moments
Kateâs photography captures the essence of real experiences, whether itâs a girl fully immersed in her sport or kids engaging in community advocacy. To achieve this, she uses techniques that facilitate authentic expressions, like giving kids fun tasks or making them laugh naturally during a shoot. This approach not only makes for compelling images but also reinforces the idea that genuine, unfiltered moments are the most beautiful.
Speaking on giving advice for at-home photography, Kate recommends avoiding posed and forced smiles. Instead, she suggests crafting moments that elicit genuine joy and interactions. She also shares technical tips, such as shooting during the golden hour or using natural light from windows, to elevate the quality of photos.
Encouraging Passion and Inclusivity
Throughout the episode, Kate offers insights into how diverse backgrounds and experiences contribute to the rich tapestry of voices showcased in her books. Stories of girls who faced challengesâwhether due to disabilities, societal norms, or personal adversitiesâhighlight the resilience and ingenuity required to advocate for change. For parents, this serves as a potent reminder to foster an inclusive environment where every child feels valued and capable of making a difference.
In the EpisodeâŠ
Our conversation with Kate Parker dives deep into multiple aspects of raising confident, outspoken teens. Hereâs a glimpse of what we cover:
- How to encourage teens to find and use their voices
- The impact of authentic photography on self-esteem
- Practical tips for capturing meaningful photos at home
- Stories of girls making significant changes in their communities
- The importance of passion and confidence in teens
If youâre looking to inspire your teen to become a proactive changemaker or want to improve your family photography skills, this episode is a goldmine of insights. For more from Kate Parker and to follow her ongoing work, visit her Instagram at @katetparker. Donât forget to subscribe to our podcast for more enlightening interviews and parenting tips. Thanks for tuning in!
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Diane Ehrensaft, author of "The Gender Creative Child," joins us to discuss the complexities of gender identity and expression in today's teens, offering parents insights on how to support their children through gender exploration and creativity.
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Full Show Notes
When it comes to raising teenagers, one of the most complex and delicate topics parents may face is the evolving concept of gender. In todayâs world, many young people are exploring gender creativity, challenging traditional norms, and seeking to express their true selves in ways that might be daunting for their parents to understand. Navigating this landscape requires empathy, open-mindedness, and reliable information to help ensure that teens feel supported and validated in their journey.
For parents, the idea of kids thinking beyond the male-female binary or even the spectrum can seem overwhelming. Gender today is more like a web, interwoven with threads of nature, nurture, and culture. Each child's gender identity and expression are unique and evolving, often influenced by their experiences and interactions. How can parents help their teens weave these complexities into a coherent and authentic sense of self?
To shed light on this, weâre joined by Dr. Diane Ehrensaft, a developmental and clinical psychologist, the co-founder and director of the Child and Adolescent Gender Center, and an associate professor of pediatrics. Dianeâs work has been featured across numerous reputable platforms, including the New York Times and NPR. Sheâs also the author of "The Gender Creative Child." Diane is here to offer her expert insights on how teens and their families can navigate gender creativity.
Understanding the Gender Web
Diane introduces the concept of the "gender web," a more dynamic and multi-dimensional way to think about gender, beyond linear spectrums and binary boxes. Using three major threadsânature (biological aspects), nurture (environmental influences), and culture (societal norms)âDiane suggests that every person's gender web is uniquely woven, constantly evolving over time. This web model helps us appreciate the complexities of gender and underscores the importance of allowing space for this evolution in our children.
Breaking Away from Boxes
Instead of confining identities to rigid categories like "boy" or "girl," a more flexible approach can be incredibly liberating for kids. Diane shares fascinating anecdotes of children who have described themselves using terms like "gender hybrid" and "gender smoothie." These self-descriptions reflect an understanding of gender that goes beyond traditional norms. Diane emphasizes the importance of respecting both the fluid and stable aspects of a child's gender identity.
Apples, Oranges, and Fruit Salads
Diane explains different gender identities through her "apples, oranges, and fruit salads" metaphor. Children who have a clear, stable gender identity from an early age are the "apples." "Oranges" are those who explore their gender creatively but without a persistent disconnect from their assigned gender. "Fruit salads" mix both gender identity and expression in unique ways. Understanding these distinctions can help parents better support their teens, regardless of where they fall on this spectrum.
The Role of Parents: De-centering and Support
Parenting a gender-creative child also involves self-reflection and emotional intelligence. Diane discusses the importance of "de-centering," where parents set aside their own ambitions and expectations to better listen to and support their childâs expressed needs and identities. Recognizing and addressing our own unconscious biases and microaggressions is also critical to fostering a supportive environment.
Medical Interventions
For parents considering medical support for their gender-creative teens, Diane provides clarity on the types and timing of medical interventions, including puberty blockers and hormone replacement therapy. These interventions are carefully considered and catered to each individual, with a rigorous assessment process to ensure they are in the best interest of the child's welfare.
In the Episode...
Dr. Diane Ehrensaftâs expertise offers a valuable guide for parents seeking to support their gender-creative children. In our conversation, we also discuss:
- The importance of understanding and using the right terminology
- How teens can explore their identities safely and responsibly
- The cultural shifts influencing how we see gender today
- The role of online communities and how they impact gender exploration
If you found this conversation enlightening, donât miss out on Dianeâs forthcoming book "Gender Explained," co-authored with Michelle Jerkowitz. Stay connected with Diane via her website, dianeehrensaft.com, for more insights. Thanks for listening! Donât forget to share, subscribe, and join us next week.Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok
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Roy Richard Grinker, author of Nobody's Normal, How Culture Created the Stigma of Mental Illness, joins us to discuss the cultural history of mental illness stigma and how parents can create supportive environments for their teens to talk about their mental health.
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Full Show Notes
Talking about mental health can often feel like walking on eggshells. Despite growing awareness, there remains a significant challenge in how comfortably and openly people address issues surrounding mental illness. For parents of teens, understanding and navigating this intricate subject is crucial to ensuring their children feel supported and understood during such formative years.
If we want to foster environments where teenagers feel safe discussing their mental health struggles, we must first understand the roots of the stigma surrounding mental illness. Historically, mental health problems have been shrouded in shame and secrecy, which has deeply embedded these stigmas into our culture. But where did this stigma originate, and how can we begin to dismantle it in our families?
To delve into this topic, we are joined by Roy Richard Grinker, a professor of anthropology and international affairs at George Washington University and the author of several insightful books, including Unstrange Minds and his latest, Nobody's Normal, How Culture Created the Stigma of Mental Illness. Richard brings a unique perspective on how societal and cultural factors have shaped our views on mental health.
In this episode, we explore the history of mental illness stigma, examining why mental health issues have been viewed so negatively. Richard explains how the intersection of culture, historical events, and societal norms has contributed to this pervasive problem. We learn about surprising instances from history, like the unexpected origins of common breakfast foods created to prevent masturbation, and how these reflect broader societal attitudes towards mental health.
Changing Perspectives On Mental Illness
One of the eye-opening stories Richard shares is about a student who described the best day of her freshman year as the day she was diagnosed with ADHD. This diagnosis provided her validation and understanding of her struggles, leading us to discuss how diagnosis can both liberate individuals and unintentionally place the burden solely on them, overlooking societal and environmental factors.
Richard draws attention to the limitations of viewing mental health issues through a purely biological lens without considering the broader social context. He sheds light on the "social model of disability," emphasizing that many challenges attributed to personal failings are often exacerbated, if not created, by societal structures and cultural expectations.
The Dual Illness of Mental Health Stigma
A crucial point raised in our conversation is the "double illness" experienced by those with mental health issues. Not only do they suffer from the symptoms of their condition, but they also bear the additional weight of societal judgment and stigma. Richard highlights sobering examples, such as politicians avoiding therapy to not appear weak, which perpetuates the stigma and discourages honesty about mental health struggles.
We also touch on historical perspectives, including how mental health was perceived during slavery and the impact of differing care models between the North and the South. These insights help illustrate how cultural and systemic factors have long influenced the treatment and perception of mental illness.
The Evolution of Mental Health Terminology
Our discussion then moves into how the terminology around mental health has evolved, sometimes reflecting shifts in cultural attitudes. From outdated terms like hysteria to more contemporary ones like conversion disorder, we see how language both shapes and is shaped by societal understanding.
Richard and I delve into the implications of more recent changes, such as the removal of Asperger's syndrome from the American Psychiatric Association's diagnostic manual. He argues that these changes are often driven more by cultural needs than by new scientific discoveries.
Creating an Open Dialogue in Your Home
To conclude, we focus on practical steps parents can take to create a supportive environment where their teens feel comfortable discussing mental health issues. Richard emphasizes the importance of normalizing these conversations and being proactive in asking teens about their emotional well-being, just as one would inquire about physical health.
In the EpisodeâŠ
Richard's insights are invaluable for anyone looking to understand and dismantle the stigma around mental illness. In addition to the topics discussed above, we also cover:
- How wars have historically progressed mental health care
- The impact of societal norms on the perception of gender and mental health
- Modern approaches to diagnosing and treating mental health issues
- How historical and cultural contexts can influence mental health labels and treatments
Richardâs book, Nobody's Normal, offers a profound look into how culture shapes our understanding of mental health, and our conversation provides practical advice for parents striving to support their teens. Listen to the full episode for more!
Donât forget to share and subscribe to Talking to Teens, and weâll see you next week!
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Todd Baratz, author of How To Love Somebody Without Losing Your Mind, explains how parents can navigate conflict in their relationships with their teens and partners, fostering true intimacy and realistic expectations.
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Full Show Notes
Navigating relationships with teenagers can be incredibly challenging. There's often conflict, emotional rollercoasters, and moments when parents feel like they might lose their minds. But what if these hardships are an essential part of genuine intimacy? What if the idea that relationships should be free of conflict is setting us up for disappointment? Understanding these dynamics can transform the way we interact with our teens and partners, helping us build stronger, more connected relationships.
In today's episode, we delve into these questions and more with Todd Baratz, a renowned sex therapist and author of How To Love Somebody Without Losing Your Mind. Todd's expertise is grounded in both professional practice and personal experience, making his insights relatable and actionable for parents looking to improve their relationships.
Unrealistic Expectations and Their Origins
Todd points out that many of us grow up with unrealistic expectations about relationships, often rooted in fairytales and media. These perfectionistic ideals lead us to believe that true love should be effortless and devoid of conflict. When reality inevitably doesn't match up, we feel deeply disappointed. Todd explains how understanding and adjusting these expectations can make a significant difference in our relationships, whether with our partners or our teenagers.
The Importance of Open Conversations
Through conversations with his own parents, Todd learned that many of the relationship patterns he struggled with were inherited, rooted in intergenerational trauma. He emphasizes the importance of openly discussing family histories and personal stories with our teens, helping them understand that love and relationships are shaped by cultural and familial contexts. By fostering open and honest communication, parents can equip their teens with a more realistic view of relationships.
Addressing Unrealistic Relationship Expectations in Teens
Many parents wait until they notice their teens becoming sexually active or entering relationships to start important conversations about love and sex. Todd argues that itâs crucial to begin these discussions early, providing comprehensive education about relationships before issues arise. He suggests creating a relational environment where curiosity and open dialogue are encouraged. This proactive approach helps teens develop a healthy, realistic understanding of intimacy and relationships.
Healthy Communication and Emotional Management
Healthy communication is about more than using "I statements" and validating emotions. Todd and I discuss how real, healthy communication often involves discomfort and conflict, which are essential for growth. We talk about the concept of being "flooded" or overwhelmed with emotions and how parents and teens can learn to tolerate these intense feelings. By acknowledging and understanding these emotional experiences, we can navigate them more effectively and deepen our relationships.
Differentiation and Developing Independence
Differentiation is the process of becoming more distinct as individuals while maintaining a close connection. Todd explains how encouraging teens to develop their own identities and fostering their independence is crucial. This process helps teens grow into confident individuals who can manage their relationships healthily. He also discusses how parents can model differentiation by maintaining their own interests and identities outside of their roles within the family.
Addressing the Realities of Intimacy
True intimacy requires a willingness to be uncomfortable and to hear what we might not want to hear. Todd emphasizes that healthy relationships involve work and are rarely perfect. By embracing this reality, parents can set a more realistic example for their teens, teaching them that good relationships are built through effort and resilience, not through seeking perfection.
In the Episode...
Join us to uncover insights about:
- How pain and conflict are essential for intimacy
- Realistic vs. unrealistic relationship expectations
- The importance of open, honest conversations about family history
- Techniques for managing emotional overwhelm
- Encouraging teensâ independence while maintaining strong connections
- Redefining healthy communication in relationships
Donât miss this enlightening episode with Todd Baratz, and remember to share and subscribe!
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Kristina Kuzmic, author of I Can Fix This and Other Lies I Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child, shares personal insights on handling teen depression, substance use, and the importance of connection over control in parent-child relationships.
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Full Show Notes
Parenting a struggling teen comes with challenges that can often feel insurmountable. Whether you're facing issues like lying, substance use, tantrums, or even violence and aggression, itâs easy to feel overwhelmed and at a loss for solutions. Understanding how to foster an environment where your child feels seen and supportedâdespite the chaosâcan make a significant difference in both your lives.
When Kristin Kuzmic's son began showing signs of severe depression and substance use during his teen years, she embarked on a journey to understand, support, and ultimately help him heal. Her story, detailed in her latest book, I Can Fix This and Other Lies I Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child, offers a wealth of knowledge for parents in similar situations.
Joining us on the show today, Kristina explains how her initial reluctance about sharing her journey turned into a powerful testimony of the strength and resilience required to parent a struggling child. With her sonâs blessing and contribution, the book became a crucial resource for parents dealing with similar issues.
Identifying Signs of Struggle
Kristina noticed her son's change in behavior around age 12âwhat began as typical teenage mood swings escalated into serious signs of depression. From isolating behaviors to violent outbursts, Kristina's home became a battleground. Persistent therapy sessions seemed futile until the deeper issues at play were properly identified as clinical depression. Recognizing that these behaviors are symptoms of deeper issues, not simple teenage rebellion, was a vital step in addressing his struggles.
Connection Over Control
A theme that permeates Kristinaâs approach is the necessity of connection over control. She emphasizes that the first instinct of many parentsâcontrolling behaviorâis often counterproductive. Instead, she advocates for a connection-driven approach, focusing on truly understanding your childâs individual struggles and needs. Practical steps like using grounding techniques and calming your own responses to their actions can open up channels for genuine communication and support.
The Power of Showing Up
Throughout Lucaâs most troubling times, Kristina maintained a constant presence in his life, even when he tried pushing her away. This persistent showing up helped build a foundation of trust that eventually allowed her son to turn to her in his moments of deepest need. This approach is a testament to the importance of being physically and emotionally present, even when it feels like you're not making a difference.
Navigating the Maze of Mental Health Support
From psychiatric care to residential treatment centers, Kristina and her family navigated the complex mental health system. She shares valuable advice on making these decisions and finding the right support systems while emphasizing the importance of consent and involvement from the struggling teen.
The Overlooked "Good" Child
While dealing with a struggling child, itâs easy to overlook siblings who appear to be coping well. Kristina warns parents against this oversight, sharing how her daughter suffered silently while maintaining a facade of stability. Ensuring that all children in a family receive the attention and support they need, regardless of apparent signs of distress, is crucial.
Self-Care is Not Selfish
Kristina discusses the often neglected topic of parental self-care. Facing the immense emotional toll of supporting a struggling teen, parents might feel guilty for any self-indulgence or personal time. However, Kristina argues that taking care of oneself is also an essential part of being an effective, compassionate parent. Both her anecdotal experiences and the transformative advice from her friend Zach highlight that parents maintaining their personal well-being inadvertently lift a significant burden off their children.
Communicate Clearly, Even with a Spouse
Another key element Kristina found beneficial was maintaining open communication with her spouse through daily emails. This practice allowed them to express emotions and concerns without confrontation, resulting in a stronger partnership and a united front in dealing with their sonâs struggles.
In the Episode...
Throughout our conversation, Kristina offers profound wisdom and practical advice for parents dealing with similar challenges. Other topics we cover include:
- How to address violent behavior stemming from depression
- Strategies for creating a trust-based rather than control-based relationship
- How enforcing too much consistency may actually be counterproductive
- How to spot signs of hidden depression in âgoodâ kids
If you are a parent, guardian, or anyone concerned about a struggling teen, you won't want to miss this episode. Kristina Kuzmicâs book, I Can Fix This and Other Lies I Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child, provides a deeply personal yet universally valuable account. For more updates, Kristina can be found on social media under @KristinaKuzmic. Donât forget to share and subscribe for more insightful episodes like this one!
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Heather Hester, author of Parenting with Pride, joins us to discuss the essential do's and don'ts for parents when their teenager comes out as LGBTQ, offering practical advice on supportive communication, unlearning biases, and addressing mental health and substance use concerns.
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Full Show Notes
Every parent wishes to be a source of unwavering support and love for their children. However, when a teenager comes out as LGBTQ, many parents find themselves unprepared and anxious about how to respond appropriately. Initial reactions can be critical, as negative responses may have lasting repercussions on the teen's mental health and self-esteem.
Introducing Heather Hester
Our guest today is Heather Hester, founder of Chrysalis Mama and the host of the podcast Just Breathe. Heather is also the author of the newly released book, Parenting with Pride: Unlearn Bias and Embrace, Empower, and Love Your LGBTQ+ Teen.
With years of experience providing guidance and education to parents and allies of LGBTQ young adults, Heather is here to help us understand how to navigate this sensitive yet profoundly important process of supporting our LGBTQ teens.
Why Initial Reactions Matter
Coming out is usually the culmination of a long and often painful period of internal conflict for teens. Heather explains that parents must recognize this journey and approach their teen's coming out with an emphatic and supportive response. Contrary to instinctive reactions like "Are you sure?", which can undermine a teen's confidence, parents should focus on affirmations such as "I love you," "Thank you for telling me," and "I've got you."
Heather shares that parents often inadvertently project their own fears and biases into the conversation, which can be damaging. Instead, she advises parents to work through their own uncertainties separately and to avoid placing these burdens on their child.
Understanding the Process and Stages of Coming Out
It's a common misconception that coming out is a single event. Heather clarifies that itâs a process composed of several stages, ranging from internal acknowledgment to public declaration and ongoing self-acceptance. By the time teens come out to their parents, they have typically already gone through significant internal struggles and are well past the initial phases of questioning and doubt.
Recognizing this can help parents offer more meaningful support and understand the continued journey that lies ahead for their teen. This perspective also highlights the importance of ongoing support, as coming out is a recurring event each time a teen enters a new environment, such as changing schools or starting a new job.
Different Identities and Orientations
Heather also emphasizes the importance of understanding the diverse range of identities within the LGBTQ spectrum. These include not just lesbian, gay, and bisexual orientations, but also gender identities like transgender and non-binary, as well as terms like intersex and asexual. She encourages parents to ask open-ended questions like, "What does that mean to you?" to foster a supportive and educational conversation.
Addressing Mental Health and Substance Use
Statistics show that LGBTQ teens are at a higher risk for mental health issues and substance use due to societal pressures, bullying, and a lack of affirmation. Heather explains the importance of proactive dialogue about these issues and remaining vigilant for changes in behavior. It's essential for parents to provide a safe and accepting home environment while also being prepared to seek professional help if needed.
Emphasizing Present Acceptance
One of the most impactful ways parents can support their LGBTQ teen is by expressing unconditional love and acceptance for who they are right now. Often, in an attempt to be encouraging, parents may focus on their child's future potential, inadvertently sending the message that who they are currently is not enough. Heather advises celebrating the teen's current strengths and acknowledging their journey to date.
Episode Highlights
- The critical impact of initial reactions when a teen comes out
- The process and stages of coming out for LGBTQ teens
- Distinguishing between sexual orientation and gender identity
- Addressing mental health and substance use concerns in LGBTQ teens
- How to express unconditional love and acceptance for your teenIn the EpisodeâŠ.
Heather's insights are invaluable for any parent navigating the complexities of their teen coming out. On top of the topics covered above, we also discuss:
- Strategies for unlearning personal biases
- The role of professional support in addressing mental health
- How to create an affirming home environment
- The importance of critical thinking in processing societal messagesYou can find more from Heather Hester on her website, chrysalismama.com, or listen to her podcast, Just Breathe. Donât forget to share and subscribe to the podcast for more insightful conversations on parenting teens.
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John Petrocelli, author of The Life Changing Science of Detecting Bullshit, explains how parents can identify when their teens are bullshitting and how to raise teens who critically evaluate the information they encounter.
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Full Show Notes
As teenagers grow and seek more independence, they can sometimes wield sophisticated tactics to avoid responsibility or twist the truth to their advantage. This behavior, often dubbed âbullshitting,â can make the challenging task of parenting even more complex. But how can parents distinguish between harmless exaggerations, outright lies, and simple bullshit?
In todayâs fast-paced and information-saturated world, parents must not only navigate their teen's emerging independence but also teach them to identify and resist bullshit from other sources. Teens today are bombarded with information from social media, peers, and other influences, making it crucial for them to develop robust critical thinking skills. But how can we ensure that they are equipped to navigate this complex landscape effectively?
Enter John Petrocelli, author of The Life Changing Science of Detecting Bullshit. John is not just a researcher but an expert who has delved deeply into the concept of bullshit, differentiating it from lying and studying its impacts on individuals and society. With over a decade of empirical research under his belt, Johnâs work provides invaluable insights into how parents can better detect bullshit and teach their teens to be critical thinkers.
Understanding Bullshit
John introduces us to the nuances that differentiate bullshitting from lying. While both bullshitting and lying involve deception, the bullshitter often doesn't care about the truthâthey aim to sound knowledgeable or impressive irrespective of the facts. This indifference towards the truth can have severe implications, influencing our beliefs, memories, and critical decisions.
John shares fascinating findings from his research, including how people are more prone to bullshit when they believe their audience lacks expertise or wonât scrutinize their claims. This is where parents can start: by fostering an environment where claims are questioned and critical thinking is actively encouraged.
Why Bullshit Matters
Many parents might underestimate the significance of their teenâs bullshit, thinking itâs benign or non-malicious. However, John highlights how unchecked bullshit can cloud judgment, lead to poor decision-making, and have lasting negative impacts. Itâs essential for parents to stay vigilant and model skepticism, not to erode trust, but to nurture an atmosphere where truth and logical evaluation are paramount.
Teaching Critical Thinking
In the episode, John shares actionable tips for parents to encourage their teens to become critical thinkers:
Ask Questions: Encourage teens to think through claims by asking them, âIs that true?â or âWhy might that be incorrect?â Model Skepticism: Show by example how to question information and sources without being cynical. Create a Safe Space: Allow your teen to discuss their ideas and beliefs openly, ensuring they understand itâs okay to be wrong as long as theyâre committed to finding the truth.John also emphasizes the importance of teaching teens to recognize their own susceptibilities to bullshit, which can come from a desire to fit in, sound knowledgeable, or alleviate awkwardness. By making critical thinking a fun and engaging activity, parents can help teens sharpen their bullshit detection skills without feeling attacked or dismissed.
Tackling External Bullshit
Teens today are also vulnerable to external bullshit from influencers, social media, and even certain educational resources. John encourages parents to:
Discuss Case Studies: Go through dubious claims seen on social media together and break down why they might be misleading or false. Encourage Fact-Checking: Teach teens how to verify facts, check sources, and look for credible evidence before accepting claims as true.
Daily PracticeTo make critical thinking an integral part of daily life, John suggests engaging in exercises that involve scrutinizing everyday statements and testing claims. This can start with simple issuesâlike evaluating advertising claimsâand build up to more complex discussions, such as analyzing political statements or media reports.
In the EpisodeâŠ
John and I explore a host of additional topics, including:
Why experts arenât always right How to constructively challenge bullshit without causing conflictThe relationship between confidence and bullshit susceptibilityThe role of personality traits in bullshitting tendenciesBy the end of this episode, you'll have gained valuable insights into fostering a bullshit-free environment and empowering your teenager with the critical thinking skills needed to navigate todayâs world effectively. Donât forget to subscribe to Talking to Teens for more expert parenting insights!
Tune in to this enlightening discussion and share it with fellow parents to help them navigate the tricky waters of teenage bullshit and critical thinking.
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Tiziana Casciaro, author of Power For All, joins us to explore the intricate power dynamics between parents and their teenage children, shedding light on effective strategies for sharing power, preventing power abuse, and empowering teens to make constructive choices in their lives and communities.
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Full Show Notes
Raising teenagers presents a unique challenge in the realm of power dynamics. As children enter their teenage years, the once clear-cut power balance between parent and child begins to shift. Teens seek more independence, making decisions that parents may not always agree with, and sometimes even rebelling against parental authority. This shift can lead to frustration, misunderstandings, and power struggles within the family.
This week on Talking to Teens, we dive deep into the world of power dynamics between parents and teenagers with Tiziana Casciaro, a professor of organizational behavior at the University of Toronto and co-author of the insightful book *Power For All*. Her extensive research and work provide a profound understanding of how power functions and can be used positively within relationships, making her the perfect guide for parents navigating these turbulent waters.
The Essence of Power in Parent-Teen Relationships
Tiziana breaks down power as simply the ability to influence others' behavior and explains how this concept applies universallyâfrom the teen wishing to gain more freedom to the parent hoping to guide their child towards certain behaviors. Power dynamics within the family evolve as teens grow, seeking validation and influence beyond their parents, which can dilute the parents' direct influence over them.
Empowering Versus Controlling
One key to maintaining a healthy relationship with your teenager is understanding the difference between exercising power over them and empowering them to make their own decisions. Tiziana discusses how sharing power and responsibility with teens can lead to mutual respect and better decision-making. By recognizing and validating their growing need for independence and control over their own lives, parents can foster a relationship based on trust and shared goals rather than on authority and rebellion.
The Impact of Power on Relationships and Identity
Tiziana illuminates how power can change people, often leading to overconfidence or inattentiveness to others' needs and desires. This phenomenon applies to both parents and teens as they navigate their changing relationship. Parents must balance their authoritative role with their child's growing need for autonomy, while teens must manage their newfound power without completely rejecting parental guidance.
Educating Teens on the Use and Abuse of Power
An essential part of parenting is teaching teens about the implications of power in wider societal contexts, including the importance of democracy, collective action, and moral responsibility. Encouraging teens to critically evaluate the leaders and influencers they choose to follow can empower them to contribute positively to society.
Strategies for Positive Power Dynamics
The episode concludes with practical advice for parents on fostering positive and productive power dynamics within their family. By understanding what their teens value and strive for, parents can position themselves as allies in their teenagers' pursuit of happiness, security, and self-esteem.
Additional Topics Covered:
- Identifying and supplying what teenagers value as a strategy for shared power.
- The role of democracy and collective action in teaching teens about power.
- The dangers of unchecked power and the importance of accountability.
- Encouraging teens to voice their opinions constructively, even in disagreement.
- Real-life examples of power dynamics reshaping family relationships for the better.Listening to this episode will provide parents, educators, and anyone involved in a teenager's life with a deeper understanding of how to navigate and negotiate power dynamics for healthier relationships and positive development. Don't miss this insightful discussion on empowering our teens and ourselves.
Listen to the episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more expert advice on parenting teenagers.
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