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Grades are used in education the world over, but why? With the growing mental health crisis in teenagers I've been exploring how experts are asking whether perhaps it's time we looked again at the role grades play in helping or hindering the learning of our children.
In my interview with Josh Eyler, author of Failing Our Future: How Grades Harm Students, and What We Can Do about It we discuss the negative impact of grades on students. Eyler argues that the focus on grades, starting early, is akin to a Tetris-like pile-up, affecting students' motivation, performance, and psychology.
He criticizes grade portals for creating undue pressure and strategic learning and advocates for feedback over grades, emphasizing that grades are often used to justify judgments rather than to coach students.
He suggests alternative grading models that reduce pressure and honor individual learning rates and also highlights the importance of fostering curiosity and intrinsic motivation in students, noting that employers value skills like communication and critical thinking over GPA.For us parents, Josh emphasizes the importance of fostering curiosity and natural interest in learning. He argues for the importance of communicating our love and support for our children, regardless of their grades.
https://olemiss.edu/profiles/jreyler.phpSupport the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
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As your child turns from a tween to a teen it's obvious to everyone that their body and mind are undergoing massive changes. It's destablising for our kids and can be very uncomfortable for us parents watching as the changes take place.
Some of our discomfort can come from our own fears about how to guide them through the changes and what sort of person will come out the other side of the transformation.
Some of it will be down to our own memories of the problems we faced when we hit puberty and some of the biggest difficulties can stem from our own unresolved body issues and the different attitudes to body image when we were growing up.
It's a messy, imperfect, process so we thought it might help listeners to hear Phoebe and I talk about our own experience as a way to help you unpick the process for yourself.Support the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
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Music festivals are a rite of passage for many teens. Whilst some love the music, the lack of restriction and opportunities to mingle in a way that they could have only dreamt of during Covid, others decide to give them a miss or go and positively hate the experience.
I was never a festival kid growing up. I didn't have the money, or the opportunity. As an adult, I've found them to be joyous events, but will always refuse to stay the night.
My girls have now both been to one of the key UK festivals, Reading, so I thought you might be interested to hear more about what to expect if your kids are keen to go, how best to plan ahead, and what the key issues turned out to be.Support the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
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What is school for, and are exam grades a good measure of a human? Does someone's grades tell us what we should know, or are we being misled? Do grades help children grow and engage with learning, or do they simply destroy interest and entrench social divisions? These are the sort of questions that perplex many of us who are parenting teenagers.
It’s coming to the end of summer in the UK which means there’s been a wave of exam results and the beautifully timed release of a terrific book called Exam Nation; why our obsession with grades fails everyone.Written by Sammy Wright, Headteacher of a secondary school in the North of England and part of the UK government’s Social Mobility Commission for several years it was chosen by the BBC as book of the week, and applauded by reviewers across the serious newspapers in the UK, and I even found it laugh out loud funny at times.
In this interview we talk about what school is for, the difficult transition from junior to secondary education, the need for tests and the way in which we view grades. Sammy offers up thought about other ways of looking at schooling which he thinks has become too transactional and would serve us better if it were more focused on the whole person.
https://twitter.com/SamuelWright78
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Exam-Nation-Obsession-Grades-Everyone/dp/1847927521/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=Support the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
Whether your teen is currently learning to drive, or those days are in the future, it helps to prepare ahead.
What are you responsible for in terms of cost?Enforcing zero tolerance for driving under the influence. Discuss situations.Use of a mobile phone. Switch off notifications.Remind them of the consequences if they break the law.Be a good role model.
Both Rachel and Susie have teens learning, so it's a great time for Rachel to go through all of the tips and data to help us all think ahead about what is involved and how to make their life behind the wheel as safe and smooth as possible.
The free RISK ANTICIPATION driving course:
https://www.teendrive365inschool.com/safe-driving-resources/teens
NEW DRIVER AGREEMENT CATEGORIES:RESOURCES USED:
https://www.wvpersonalinjury.com/teenage-driving-risks/
https://www.brake.org.uk/get-involved/take-action/mybrake/knowledge-centre/young-drivers
https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/news/driving-law/graduated-driving-licences-launched-to-tackle-overconfident-young-drivers/
https://www.gohenry.com/uk/blog/bread/why-gen-z-isnt-drivingSupport the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
It doesn't matter how much we know, and how much we work at it, we'll all struggle to parent well at times; it's just part of being human.
Connection over correction.It's not personal, and it's not about you.Kick the bullies out of your head.It's not your job to tell your kids what to do, it's your job to help them find out who they are.Routine is going to save everyone from nagging hell.Assume your kids are trying their best and catch them being good.Have clear boundaries, consequences and expectations, but be prepared to negotiate.Community is way more important and helpful than we were told.Be honest about your own failings.Make time to enjoy the ride.
To mark the 100th episode of the podcast I decided to give you a top ten of the best lessons I've learned, and continue to mess up.
In case you can't be bothered to listen, you're bored by me waffling, or you just want the list, here goes:This list isn't definitive, it's just the stuff that's has felt most meaningful to me. Hopefully some of it will land with you, but if you have any other keys to heaven you can add then email [email protected] and help us all out; we need all the support we can get.
Support the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
In the West, we tend to see success for late teens as passing exams, getting into further education or getting a job, and moving on with life. So when we received an email from a mother, concerned for the welfare of her two step-sons who've performed poorly in their final high school exams, and who don't seem to be interested in finding work, we thought it would be a really interesting topic to unpack.
Her step-sons aren't alone. There is growing concern about the relative underachivement of boys in education across the Western hemisphere, and the term 'failure to launch' was even referred to as a syndrome in a recent article in The British Journal of General Practice.
We discuss coping with our own expectations and feelings of fear about our children's suceess, managing a complicated situation as a step-parent, and the structural issues affecting boys in today's society.
BOOKS REFERENCED:
Boys Adrift, Leonard Sax explores the alarming trend of boys falling behind in education and life.Of Boys and Men: Richard Reeves. Why the modern male is struggling, why it matters, and what to do about it.
USEFUL EPISODES:
Masculinity: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/98-boys-emotions--vaccinations-and-online-influencers/
Step-parenting: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/29-step-children-coping-and-thriving-with-a-blended-family/
Setting high expectations: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/standards-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/
Charging rent: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/charging-rent-should-you-charge-your-teens-and-young-adults-rent-and-if-you-do-whats-the-best-wa/
Failure to launch: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/failure-to-launch-what-we-can-learn-from-struggling-young-adults-about-how-to-help-our-teens/Support the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
Extreme misogyny, and the resulting violence against women and girls, has recently been described in the UK as a national emergency.
According to the National Police Chiefs Council, online influencers like Andrew Tate are radicalising boys in and a way that is 'quite terrifying'.Deputy Chief Constable Maggie Blyth said officers who focused on violence against women and girls are now working with counter-terrorism teams to look at the risk of young men being radicalised.
But what should we parents be doing, and how can we best support our boys? I reached out to Dr. Brendan Kwiatkowski who's a researcher and educator specializing in the social-emotional development and wellbeing of boys and men.
We talked about the emotional lives of boys and men, online influencers, and the idea of innoculating our boys before they hit puberty so they are prepared for the issues that tend to crop up.
Dr. Brendan Kwiatkowski:
www.remasculine.com
Dr. Brendan Kwiatkowski is a researcher, educator, speaker, and consultant specializing in the social-emotional development and wellbeing of boys and men—and how that intersects with the wellbeing of others. His PhD research investigated teenage boys’ experiences and beliefs about being male and compared their experiences based on their levels of emotional expression. He is passionate about positive-focused and person-centred research that humanizes and empowers participants, as well in research that is transformative and practically useful for people in the real-world. He lives in Vancouver, BC, and is part of the faculty of education at a local university. Some of the things Brendan enjoys regularly is breath-work, cold plunges, and free-diving.Previous episodes:
MASCULINITY: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/masculinity-and-positive-ways-of-supporting-our-teenage-boys-an-interview-with-mike-nicholson-from/BIGOREXIA: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/feeding-your-teen-control-issues-and-bigorexia/BOY FRIENDSHIPS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/boy-friendships-and-supporting-our-sons-in-forming-positive-friendships-also-what-the-we-sho-1/TALKING ABOUT PORN: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/pornography-why-talking-to-your-teen-about-it-is-more-important-now-than-its-ever-been-and-great/Support the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
We'd all love our kids to have self-belief, and the confidence to make friends easily. The problem is that it's not something we can simply give to them.
Seeing our teen struggle in social settings, or suffer with crippling shyness, can be really challenging for us; particularly if it's a feeling we experienced as a teen and seeing our kid go through it brings our own discomfort flooding back.
Today's episode is designed to help our listener whose daughter's shyness is sometimes misconstrued as rudeness. We discuss our own experience of shyness, how it can be misunsderstood by others, and ways in which we can help our teens develop more self-belief.
RESOURCES USED:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/shyness#:~:text=Shyness%20emerges%20from%20a%20few,fear%20of%20judgment%20and%20rejection.
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/social-anxiety-disorder-more-than-just-shyness#:~:text=Social%20anxiety%20disorder%20usually%20starts,in%20adolescents%20and%20young%20adults.http://socialanxietyshortcuts.com/why-shyness-is-mistaken-for-arrogance-and-what-to-do-about-it/
Support the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
When a lone mother came onto our Facebook group to look for support with her teenage son who's done very little with his summer holiday other than sleep in late I thought it was a great time to revisit this topic, and talk about the severe level of sleep deprivation our society deems acceptable, and how important sleep is for teens. They're not lazy; there are some important developmental things happening when they sleep.
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/sleep-the-free-fix-for-our-teens-with-no-side-effects/
That said, there are also some concrete things we parents can do to help our teens make the most of their holidays which can be a huge boost to their self-knowledge and ability to regulate themselves.
Reminding ourselves that academics are just one of the important things our kids need for life helps us to steer our focus onto other gains they can make in the holidays.
MY PREVIOUS EPISODE WITH RESEARCH ON SLEEP:
KEY: Remove all tech from their rooms, at the very least it should be done well before they ought to go to sleep.Choose one life-skill a week and teach them how to do it 'perfectly' using praise and ecouragement as your weapons.Help them to talk about what really interests them. Be very careful not to judge whatever it is, but help them to create a routine that involves working towards their goal. Agree a regular check-in time to look again at how they're getting on, and whether it's realistic or needs adapting. This is an amazing life-skill which will protect them from 'failure to launch'.Book things that give the holidays structure.Make sure they have plenty of opportunity to spend time with their friends; social skills and socialising are vital for teens and my kids' screen time drops dramatically when she has social things to do.Get them used to playing games that don't involve online time. We've been loving Uno, Monopoly Deal, Kick the Can, and one unlikely hit has been Sussed which isn't a game, but a card system where each person has to ask the group questions about themselves and people in the group have to guess which they think is the right answer.
MY TIPS:BOOK REFERENCED:
Why Students Don't Like School by Daniel WillinghamSupport the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
Living with a teenager can make us feel queezy at times because we keep losing our bearings. They're changing rapidly, and bringing new challenges into our home, while we're just trying to do our best. For many, the start of a romantic relationship can feel particularly difficult. You're not just negotiating new territory, but having to do it with another person in the equation.
One listener has contacted me to for support over her teen daughter snuggling with her new boyfriend on the sofa in front of other family members. Sometimes it's hard to figure out whether we're being unreasonable, and even what it is that we're objecting to.
In this episode I directly address her feelings, and how challenging this can be for us parents, before sharing an old episode in which we talked about 16 year olds having sex under our roof.Support the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
The holidays are a great time to begin preparing our kids for the next year, but there's so much we could be doing it's hard to know where to start. I've turned to and someone who specialises in helping parents with tweens to give us some great, actionable tips.
JoAnn Schauf, who founded Your Tween and You, and is the author of Loving the Alien: How to Parent Your Tween, emphasizes the importance of focusing on fostering autonomy and confidence in children.In this episode we talked about:
Goal-setting and allowing them to use their voice to set their goals.The way our role changes and being clear about the new relationship.The confusing changes that happen in our tween's brain.The benefit of an accountability partner.Using an accomplishment journal.Noticing when the good things they do.Focusing only on effort.Allowing our kids to set their own goals.Discussing homework building blocks.Discussing screen time and empowering them to manage it.CONTACT JOANN SHAUF:
https://www.yourtweenandyou.com/Support the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
If you're a bit confused about how much you should be wading in on your young adolescent's screen time then you're not alone. The truth is, there's been very little clear data to prove what we should and shouldn't be doing. Jonathan Haidt's book Anxiety Generation has turned the dial up on the whole subject and he's pushing hard for a ban on social media for younger teens because of the impact he says it has on them. Meanwhile, Natasha Devon is more keen on getting us parents to engage positively with our kids and teach them how to be their best selves online.
So who's right? A new study from the University of California, published in the journal Paediatric Research, looked at the behaviour of ten thousand 12-13 year olds, and it's given parents a clearer understanding of what we should be doing.
The most positive impact: is if we parents place limits on our own screen use, especially in front of our kids.The most negative thing to do is using screen time as a reward or a punishment - because they found it tends to increase the desire to be on their screens. Which is exactly what Natasha Devon said in my interview about how to help your teens be their best selves online.
NEW STUDY:
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41390-024-03243-y#Sec19
TOOL FOR CREATING A FAMILY MEDIA PLAN:
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/fmp/Pages/MediaPlan.aspx
MY INTERVIEW WITH NATASHA DEVON:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/42-social-media-and-how-to-help-your-teens-be-their-best-selves-online-with-natasha-devon-mbe/Support the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
The amount of holiday teens get varies enormously around the world. For some, it's a much needed break from routine, for others it's a real chance to flip the script of their life and focus their attention on things that aren't part of the rigid educational agenda.
In this episode we talk about ways in which we can help our teens use their summer to grow in ways that genuinely interest them. Lots of skills get little time for development whilst they're at school, so it's a great chance for them to explore their passions in an unstructured environment, or get some experience in the workplace.
There's no right way to do summer, but hopefully some of these suggestions can give you ideas for things you can do; including simply working on your connection if you think that things haven't been going too well.
Resource used:
https://www.daniel-wong.com/2015/11/09/productive-things-to-do-during-school-holidays/
The blog detailing my method for change:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Be-the-person-you-want-to-be-not-the-person-others-think-you-should-be/Support the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
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It's incredibly frustrating to parent a teen who seems smart but is constantly late, can't set effective goals, can't keep going after their initial burst of enthusiasm, who's messy, doesn't start projects on time, or can't seem to control their impulses.
Are they being lazy or is it that they lack a key skill which is holding them back? The latest book I read makes it clear that problems with any of these tasks isn't necessarily lack of interest or laziness, but can be a lack of skill in an area called executive function.
In this episode I talk through the types of executive function deficits, and how we can spot them. What's exciting is that the book implies that with the right training our teens can learn how to overcome the sorts of things that drive us nuts and are holding them back from achieving their goals.
It's an exciting prospect, because it puts the emphasis on the need to learn skills rather than on personal failing, and gives us parents hope that by being supportive in slowly acquiring the skills our kids can lead lives free of the enormous frustrations that these deficits can cause.
BOOK:
Smart but Scattered Teens, by Richard Guare PhD, Peg Dawson, EdD, and Colin GuareSupport the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
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Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
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Hermes was a Greek god able to move quickly and freely between the worlds of the mortal and the divine, helped by his winged sandals. We mere mortals, on the other hand, are stuck here on Earth, and more likely to associate the word, Hermes with expensive handbags.
Parenting stylesDesire for posessions as a way to feel includedThe importance of valuesCelebrating our own cultureThe impact of society on our desires and choices
When a listener wrote a beautiful email talking about her struggles with a young daughter who has been begging for one of these extremely expensive Hermes bags for her birthday I thought it would be a great topic for discussion.
The problems our listener faces trouble so many of usthe various issues in the hope of supporting the listener and helping others along the way; after all, we're a community here to help each other.
TOPICS COVERED:
BOOK SUGGESTION:
Hold on to Your Kids, by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor MateSupport the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
I scan the newspapers daily to keep an eye on what's going on that might be relevant to us parents. I usually share it on my Instagram and Facebook feeds, but it's also good to sit down with another, equally interested but unpolitical, parent, to simply chat about the state of the world that our kids are growing up in.
None of it is scientific, or based on deep fact, but sometimes it's nice to chew the cud and hear other parents talking freely about the issues that might affect our own parenting and kids.
I'd love to hear if there are any topics that particularly interest you, or if you agree/disagre with any of our views. Email Rachel @[email protected] and you can sign up for my newsletter on the website at www.teenagersuntangled.com.
Quote:
Viktor Frankl: 'When a person can't find a deep sense of pupose he distracts himself with pleasure.'
Sources:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13454193/Mel-Stride-blames-pornography-video-games-alarming-surge-jobless-young-men.html#:~:text=Mel%20Stride%20said%20that%20easy,of%20economic%20inactivity%20across%20Britain.
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/china-president-xi-high-school-pupils-military-training-gkgwmj2q7
https://news.sky.com/story/which-countries-have-national-service-and-how-does-it-work-elsewhere-13143261
@Mrpink on Twitter
https://eu.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2024/03/01/muscle-dysmorphia-bigorexia-are-severe-problems-thanks-to-tiktok/72792612007/Support the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
89:
Something creativeSomething reflective Something physical
We all love our kids and hope for the best, but we also worry about how well they'll navigate life once they're old enough to leave home. It's a fine balance between supporting them enough for them to feel loved, and letting them fail so that they learn the skills they need.
With the reported increase in kids who 'fail to launch' I thought it might be really helpful to talk with someone who spends his days helping young adults who're struggling.
We talked about the vital importance of routine, helping them to feel positive about themselves - especially in the face of failure - what we can do to help them find their own purpose in life, and giving our kids healthy role models on which to build their own life.
KEN'S TIPS:
Start with the sleep/wake routine, helping them to create their own schedule.
Once they have a solid routine in place, introduce three extra things:Types of anxiety:
Body-based
Mind-based
Totems: something that represents a challenge
Time-based
Distance: Having to leave a safe space
Depression:
All the parts of the daily routine will help make a difference to their depression.
If you would like to ask Ken any questions, or learn more about mentoring:
Www.kenrabow.comSupport the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
Missing out can cause visceral pain; particularly for teenagers, but why is it so awful and can anything be done to help them with it?
This episode was inspired by a parent whose daughter is at an expensive private school, but the family are finally having to accept that they can't afford it and will have to withdraw her. We love our, kids and want the best for them, but why choose something that's a massive stretch for us? What is 'the best' and where do we get our ideas from?
I would argue that FOMO is at the root of the decision to put her there, and even the daughter's request a Hermes handbag, rather than a present more suitable for a young girl.
In this episode we talk about where our desires come from and why our social environment can have such an impact. We discuss why figuring out, and staying anchored to, our own values whilst getting our kids to find something that really matters to them, is at the heart of protecting us from the pain of FOMO.
RESOURCES USED:
https://mo-issa.medium.com/ren%C3%A9-girards-mimetic-theory-changed-the-way-i-looked-at-my-own-desires-3ed029d042bf
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-cope-with-fomo-4174664
https://www.theteenmagazine.com/what-teens-need-to-know-about-fear-of-missing-outSupport the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
Is it a constant battle to get your teens to do the right thing? Getting them to bed on time, eating healthily, keeping their screen time to an acceptable level are all problems that come up regularly. So when a listener asked for a script to use to get her teens into bed I decided that it was worth delving into what other parents are doing right and how we can adapt their behaviour to our own households.
The research has made me rethink my own life structure and the importance of routine in decluttering my life.
KEY REFERENCES:
Atomic Habits - James Clear
Podcast with Angela Duckworth - No Stupid Questions - 186 Do You Need a Routine?
App I've started using: Streaks
RESOURCES USED:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/the-importance-of-routine/
https://zapier.com/blog/daily-routines/
https://journals.lww.com/iycjournal/fulltext/2007/10000/Family_Routines_and_Rituals__A_Context_for.2.aspx
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6378489/
SOME LISTENER RESPONSES:
Melissa: I don't think I said much. Other than you sleep better if you don't do tech just before bed. I think intially the cut off was an hour before bedtime. Which gave flexibility to give them a ten minute warning etc. Son mostly now stops tech before without prompting.
Grant: As part of screen time, there is an option to set down time on each of their devices. It works well for us.
Natalie: No phones, laptops or TVs in their rooms after 9.30pm but equally we, as parents, have to do the same. Read before bed, everyone asleep by 10.30pm latest on a school night. Not had to resort to plan B yet (WiFi turned off) as they do it. Lead by example. Also no phones or TV at dinner and we all eat together every night. I'm a big believer in systems and routines. Less arguments as no suprises.
Ashleigh We try and stick to 8pm cut off. And it helps when they have sports training they need to sleep for
Holly
We have a 9pm cutoff. Phone gets plugged in in the hallway outside the room
Sarah I have a cut off too. I started this when they were younger and then each year gradually increased the cut off, but they had to prove to me that they could come off their devices at the allotted time and get up for school the next day without any arguments. If they didn’t come off at the agreed time or were difficult the next morning, the agreement was that they would lose some screen time the next night by coming off earlier.I work on a “prove you can be trusted” basis with both my tee
Support the show
Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote
Thank you so much for your support.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk - Laat meer zien
