Afleveringen
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From your favorite one-time pastor/podcast host (of a podcast hosted by a pastor and a therapist), comes a new offering: The Naming the Real Podcast. This is another preview episode of this new podcast, which you can find and subscribe to at Apple Podcasts, on Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. But wait...there's more! Be excited, because new content is coming from Susette right here in the Desire Line Podcast feed very soon!
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From your favorite one-time pastor/podcast host (of a podcast hosted by a pastor and a therapist), comes a new offering: The Naming the Real Podcast. Because--as you may remember--the right naming of things is the beginning of wisdom.
Enjoy this episode from Brandon's new podcast, and then come join the party by subscribing. You can find it at Apple Podcasts, on Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. And...look out for new (amazing) content coming from Susette, right here in the Desire Line podcast feed!
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Brandon and Susette announce, The Desire Line Podcast is coming to an end. In this final episode they reminisce over their favorite memories from the past 3 years and recognize the wonderful content produced and relationships formed because of it. Susette and Brandon have exciting projects coming up; to stay up to date on them follow their social media channels.
Until we meet again, may we all have the courage to walk the desire line...
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We jumped on mic for a bit for a raw episode talking about the CoronaVirus, Social Distancing, and how we're coping with this change.
Brandon identified the difference between Resistance and Acceptance, and aligned it with the normal emotional process of first fighting & resisting change and things we can't control, and the freedom that comes from accepting reality and leaning in. Susette walked us through the serenity prayer & the 12 steps, which is a character development process that we all can use. Especially Susette =)
I hope you enjoy this off-the-cuff episode.
We care about you. We're all doing our best. Give yourself, and your people, grace as we're in this experience.
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We are finishing our arc on abuse and discussion on recovery from abuse. Susette and Brandon bring up how family of origin affect abuse experiences, common phrases they hear that dismiss abuse, and the importance of creating boundaries on the path to forgiveness. There is no limit to how much we can thrive and flourish.
Coping skills created from family of origin: the good and the bad.
Functioning in the midst of dysfunction.
Not judging and not comparing
Common phrases that minimizes and ignores a victim's pain.
Before forgiveness can happen boundaries need to be set that provide physical and emotional safety.
RESOURCES
Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org Child Abuse Reporting https://www.childwelfare.gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.dspList&rolType=Custom&RS_ID=%205 Elder Abuse: https://www.justice.gov/elderjustice Toxic Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/0877888256/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_yHyzEbTHV6EKN Sexual Abuse Recovery: The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse -
Susette and Brandon wrap up our arc on abuse by talking about recovery and how we can flourish, thrive and triumph in the face of our trauma. In this episode Susette shares experiences in which her body and mind show in a miraculous way how they are intertwined and Brandon calls us to live in compassion, not comparison, for ourselves and others who are in trauma.
Recognizing and naming abuse.
Triggers
How the body reacts to triggers of abuse: reclaiming the value of the body
Disassociation
The importance of categorizing negative experiences as trauma and/or abuse while not comparing those experiences to others.
RESOURCES
Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org Child Abuse Reporting https://www.childwelfare.gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.dspList&rolType=Custom&RS_ID=%205 Elder Abuse: https://www.justice.gov/elderjustice Toxic Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/0877888256/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_yHyzEbTHV6EKN Sexual Abuse Recovery: The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse -
Last episode we continued our discussion on spiritual abuse. This week Brandon Cook shares a sermon he gave titled Forgiving Reality. In light of our arc on abuse we have explored the place forgiveness has on our path to healing from our trauma. Brandon takes the discussion a step further by suggesting that we have the choice to also forgive reality and the difficult circumstances and truths it brings.
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Join us as we continue our conversation on spiritual abuse as we strive for differentiation and being well informed to identify health church relationships.
"Spiritual Abuse is when someone use their spiritual authority or manipulates your natural spiritual longings to have power over you..." Brandon Cook.
Power can come from hierarchy and position such as created by the influence of the business model and the church.
We can decide what kind of power your pastor has.
"And do not call anyone on earth 'father,' for you have one Father, and he is in heaven" Matthew 23:9
“Classically, there are three ways in which humans try to find transcendence--religious meaning--apart from God as revealed through the cross of Jesus: through the ecstasy of alcohol and drugs, through the ecstasy of recreational sex, through the ecstasy of crowds." - Eugene Peterson
As a leader there is a danger to find "ecstasy in crowds," and feed into ones own hype.
"Superpastor" problem
RESOURCES
Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org Child Abuse Reporting https://www.childwelfare.gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.dspList&rolType=Custom&RS_ID=%205 Elder Abuse: https://www.justice.gov/elderjustice Toxic Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/0877888256/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_yHyzEbTHV6EKN Sexual Abuse Recovery: The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse -
Susette and Brandon explore the topic of spiritual abuse. They recognize that leaders who have authority of the spiritual lives of others have a great impact however a powerful ability to hurt those they lead.
They call us to view our pastors and other spiritual leaders in appropriate roles. As well as pointing out to leaders some of their followers may project their God, paternal, or maternal images onto them. Although the person of authority has responsibility to refrain from abusing their power we all have the ability to sustain healthy boundaries in these relationships.
Spiritual Abuse - a pattern of behavior used by one person to gain and maintain POWER and CONTROL over another.
RESOURCES
Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org Child Abuse Reporting https://www.childwelfare.gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.dspList&rolType=Custom&RS_ID=%205 Elder Abuse: https://www.justice.gov/elderjustice Toxic Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/0877888256/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_yHyzEbTHV6EKN Sexual Abuse Recovery: The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse -
Susette and Brandon discuss what qualifies as emotional abuse and what does not. Although it is difficult to identify emotional abuse, they outline language and tools to help us be aware of the possible unhealthy power dynamics of relationships.
"Emotional abuse is an attempt to control, in just the same way that physical abuse is an attempt to control another person. The only difference is that the emotional abuser does not use physical hitting, kicking, pinching, grabbing, pushing, or other physical forms of harm. Rather the perpetrator of emotional abuse uses emotion as his or her weapon of choice.” - (See the article attached from Psychology Today)
Gaslighting: a form of psychological manipulation.
Codependent relationships and lack of differentiation in relationship can be a cause of emotional abuse
Pervasive Behaviors are good indicators of the presence of emotional abuse.
The heightened sensitivity non-reciprocal relationships have to covert abuse.
Emotional Abuse by Andrea Matthews of Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/emotional-abuse
Silently Seduced: When Parents Make their Children Partners - Understanding Covert Incest by Kenneth M. Adams Ph.D.
RESOURCES
Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org Child Abuse Reporting https://www.childwelfare.gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.dspList&rolType=Custom&RS_ID=%205 Elder Abuse: https://www.justice.gov/elderjustice Toxic Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/0877888256/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_yHyzEbTHV6EKN Sexual Abuse Recovery: The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse -
This week's episode continues our discussion with Barbara Sonofsky on the topic of sexual abuse. We explore the process of healing for individuals at different stages of their trauma, we identify what attitudes and obstacles keep us from healing and relish in a God who is the ultimate comforter, counselor and healer.
Choosing to be offended
Basic Pathway to Healing for Sexual Abuse Victims
Naming your trauma Sharing trauma with a trusted confidant What healing looks like for different experiences of trauma Faith Hope and Love - 3 Tenants of HealingHow the Church Addresses Sexual Abuse
Me Too Movement
Dan Allendar and Narrative Therapy - https://theallendercenter.org/
What stands in the way of wholeness.
RESOURCES
Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org Child Abuse Reporting https://www.childwelfare.gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.dspList&rolType=Custom&RS_ID=%205 Elder Abuse: https://www.justice.gov/elderjustice Toxic Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/0877888256/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_yHyzEbTHV6EKN Sexual Abuse Recovery: The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse -
As we continue our arc on abuse Susette and Brandon invite Barbara Sonofsky to the conversation of sexual abuse. In this episode Barb shares her story and explains how her experiences and recovery has shaped her. We shed more light on the complexities of this form of abuse in hopes to raise awareness and provide outlets for healing.
Sexual abuse is unwanted sexual activity, with perpetrators using force, making threats or taking advantage of victims not able to give consent. Most victims and perpetrators know each other. Immediate reactions to sexual abuse include shock, fear or disbelief. Long-term symptoms include anxiety, fear or post-traumatic stress disorder. While efforts to treat sex offenders remain unpromising, psychological interventions for survivors — especially group therapy — appears effective.
RESOURCES
Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org Child Abuse Reporting https://www.childwelfare.gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.dspList&rolType=Custom&RS_ID=%205 Elder Abuse: https://www.justice.gov/elderjustice Toxic Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/0877888256/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_yHyzEbTHV6EKN Sexual Abuse Recovery: The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse -
This week Susette Magana shares a sermon on recognizing and accepting our emotions, learning to regulate them and integrating them in our relationship with God.
Emotions (all of them) are normal.
EMOTIONS and BEHAVIORS are different. When we feel something, we then make a choice to act.“Ignoring our emotions is turning our back on reality; listening to our emotions ushers us into reality. And reality is where we meet God.” Dan Allendar.
God created us to experience a full range of emotions, but not to be subject to them (let them run our lives). If we don’t deal with painful emotions, like anger, fear, sadness, they can become WAYS OF LIFE or part of our IDENTITY, like being resentful, anxious, or hopeless.Ezekiel 36:26 NLT I will take your stony, stubborn heart, and give you a tender, responsive heart.
Emotional regulation: Once we know what’s happening, we can learn to regulate it. Our Body: deep breathing, exercise, muscle relaxation for tension Our Mind/Heart: Acknowledging our pain & fear, resisting shame, & asking for help. Psalm 13 For the director of music. A psalm of David.1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.
The soul seeks harmony, connection, and integration.
Dallas Willard
PROBLEM:
DISINTEGRATION: When these parts of our soul feel disconnected (from self or others) or overwhelmed.
If we don’t deal with painful emotions, like anger, fear, sadness, they can become WAYS OF LIFE or part of our IDENTITY, like being resentful, anxious, or hopeless. These are more postures that our soul takes than emotional responses.
In order to NOT fall into these ways of living, we need to acknowledge them or confess them before God and trusted people, and work to keep our hearts and minds tender & responsive towards others.
Ezekiel 36:26 NLT
I will take your stony, stubborn heart, and give you a tender, responsive heart.
WHAT IF:
We could feel a full range of emotions, without self-judgement, but that we have enough wisdom to not “REACT” to them, but to “make decisions & respond” when we feel them. What if emotions were a normal part of our daily life, instead of something that we avoid or demand attention for? What if, as the family of God, we invited a full range of emotions into our prayers, song, and relationships? -
We continue the arc of abuse in this episode on the topic of physical abuse. Susette and Brandon discuss what this abuse looks like for children, and in romantic relationships, while more subvert forms physical abuse are brought to awareness. We realize these lines of definition are fine and more people than we realize struggle in pain than they let on.
Physical Abuse: is any intentional and unwanted contact with you or something close to your body. Sometimes abusive behavior does not cause pain or even leave a bruise, but it’s still unhealthy.
Scratching, punching, biting, strangling or kicking. Throwing something at you such as a phone, book, shoe or plate. Pulling your hair. Pushing or pulling you. Grabbing your clothing. Using a gun, knife, box cutter, bat, mace or other weapon. Smacking your bottom without your permission or consent. Grabbing your face to make you look at them. Grabbing you to prevent you from leaving or to force you to go somewhere.RESOURCES
Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org Child Abuse Reporting https://www.childwelfare.gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.dspList&rolType=Custom&RS_ID=%205 Elder Abuse: https://www.justice.gov/elderjustice Toxic Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/0877888256/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_yHyzEbTHV6EKN Sexual Abuse Recovery: The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse -
We continue the arc of abuse in this episode on the topic of physical abuse. Susette and Brandon define what is considered physical abuse while also providing resources on how to further assess situations. We identify misconceptions of physical abuse and embark on a the issue of spanking, a subject that has a widely varied opinion.
Physical Abuse: is any intentional and unwanted contact with you or something close to your body. Sometimes abusive behavior does not cause pain or even leave a bruise, but it’s still unhealthy.
Scratching, punching, biting, strangling or kicking. Throwing something at you such as a phone, book, shoe or plate. Pulling your hair. Pushing or pulling you. Grabbing your clothing. Using a gun, knife, box cutter, bat, mace or other weapon. Smacking your bottom without your permission or consent. Grabbing your face to make you look at them. Grabbing you to prevent you from leaving or to force you to go somewhere.Power Control Wheel: https://ywcaspokane.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/2018-YWCA-Spokane-Power-and-Control-Wheel.pdf
What Science Says - and Doesn't Say about Spanking: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-science-says-and-doesn-t-about-spanking/
RESOURCES
Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org Child Abuse Reporting https://www.childwelfare.gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.dspList&rolType=Custom&RS_ID=%205 Elder Abuse: https://www.justice.gov/elderjustice Toxic Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/0877888256/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_yHyzEbTHV6EKN Sexual Abuse Recovery: The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse -
This episode begins the arc on abuse in our season on Mental Health in the Church. Susette and Brandon discuss different types of abuse and how they should be properly addressed in their professional perspectives. We will recognize the different forms in which people experience abuse, how we can address it and efforts to take towards a recovery process.
Abuse: a pattern of behavior used by one person to gain and maintain POWER and CONTROL over another.
Types of abuse: Physical, Emotional/Verbal, Sexual, Spiritual Abuse, Mental/Psychological, Financial/Economic (adult protected groups or rich kids), Cultural (using someone’s culture to gain power over someone; e.g., undocumented worker), Neglect (in protected groups)
Spectrum of abuse
Trauma informed, abuse informed
Contemplative and compassionate perspective of life
Freedom
Strategies we form to avoid pain we need to face such as grief and lament
Mandated reporting
RESOURCES
Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org Child Abuse Reporting https://www.childwelfare.gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.dspList&rolType=Custom&RS_ID=%205 Elder Abuse: https://www.justice.gov/elderjustice Toxic Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/0877888256/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_yHyzEbTHV6EKN Sexual Abuse Recovery: The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse -
In this episode we get to look back at one of our most popular episodes on spiritual development.
Every faith journey is different, but are there discernible patterns that are common among us?
Law was good, but it could never transform
It was good, it taught you that we live in a moral universe, you weren’t designed to live under a baby-sitter for ever, meant to mature and live by the Spirit
It’s openness to God that transforms, Jesus is the path to openness in God, in his death, he demonstrated his absolute trust—his absolute openness—to God and to resurrection life in GodThere often will come a point where you have to get off the paved path. Often times it’s suffering or some sort of inner conflict, or a product of the Christian culture that we're living in today.
“If you ask anybody, ‘What’s the activity that you had that made you who you are?’ no one says, ‘You know I had a really great vacation in Hawaii.’ No one says that. They say, ‘I had a period of struggle. I lost a loved one. I was in the Army. And that period of struggle or that period of toughness made me who I am.’”
This idea of the dark night, some period where your faith seems inadequate or your suffering makes you ask, “Where is God?” is one of the key characteristics in the pattern of spiritual development
Every journey is different, but are there discernible patterns to the spiritual journey?
This can help us normalize our journey! We are not alone.
“It hurts to become real”
-The Velveteen RabbitSCRIPTURE
This development is actually normalized in Scripture
We are all being changed (2 Corinthians 3:18) What matters is becoming new creationSo all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.
Law-NT
Paul: law is a baby-sitter (Galatians 3:24)Law was good, but it could never transform
It was good, it taught you that we live in a moral universe, you weren’t designed to live under a baby-sitter for ever, meant to mature and live by the Spirit
It’s openness to God that transforms, Jesus is the path to openness in God, in his death, he demonstrated his absolute trust—his absolute openness—to God and to resurrection life in God
Development in the nation of Israel
Jesus: Kingdom of Heaven: Mustard seed
NT Wright: every generation must wrestle with…
“We must stop giving 16th century answers…”PSYCHOLOGY
James Fowler Stage of FaithM. Scott Peck
The Road Less Traveled
http://www.whale.to/b/peck1.html
-Stage I Chaotic, Antisocial
Antisocial in that it’s all “me” (perhaps Hedonistic)-Stage II Formal, Institutional, Fundamental
Boundaries good
Dark side: very either-or, all-or-nothing. Have difficulty explaining, or comforting when experiencing suffering.-Stage III
Skeptic, Individual, Questioner
Life is more gray than previously acknowledged-Stage IV
Mystic, Communal
Open to GodNotice, Every pattern or theory of development we’re going to talk about today ends in some sort of “union”
It's possible, or probable to be in more than one at once. Not linear.
We may be in both or all at different times.Exercise: In the midst of a painful thought, relationship or memory, asking God: "How can you be so good?"
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The Desire Line Podcast presents a message given by our very own Brandon Cook. We will dive into the Lord's prayer and it's implications on our spiritual and prayer practices.
Matthew 6:9-13 (NIV)
9 “This, then, is how you should pray:
“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.'Follow us on Twitter: @my desireline & @brandonalancook & @susettemtherapy
On instagram: @desire.line.podcast @susette.magana.therapy & @brandonalancook
Support us on Patreon on “The Desire Line Podcast”
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Brandon and Susette continue the discussion of the long lasting myth that affects how we view mental health, especially in relation to faith; that the body doesn’t matter. Having a dualistic mindset on this topic brings us closer to the desireline. The roles of neuroscience, contemplative practice and the balance of opposites are introduced. Although it is easier to separate body and mind, and pretend to live in a black and white world God created us as integrated beings and invites everyone to in the truth and mystery of that.
Follow us on Twitter: @my desireline & @brandonalancook & @susettemtherapy
On instagram: @desire.line.podcast @susette.magana.therapy & @brandonalancook
Support us on Patreon on “The Desire Line Podcast”
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Brandon and Susette dive deeper into a long lasting myth that affects how we view mental health, especially in relation to faith; that the body doesn’t matter. We talk about what healthy integration of both mind and body in terms of our faith looks like, and the importance of expressing that in a culture where the body is viewed as less than.
Balance of Opposites
Spirituality is Physical
- Epigenetics Elevating the Role of the Body
- Emotional pain received as physical pain to the brain
The mind craves embodiment
BOTH/AND in mind body and life
"Psychiatry & Psychotherapy Podcast" with David Puder Episode 60
"The Science of Storytelling" by Lani Peterson
https://www.harvardbusiness.org/the-science-behind-the-art-of-storytelling/
Follow us on Twitter: @my desireline & @brandonalancook & @susettemtherapy
On instagram: @desire.line.podcast @susette.magana.therapy & @brandonalancook
Support us on Patreon on “The Desire Line Podcast”
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