Afleveringen
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What happens when two first responders fall in love, face career, life, and faith crises, and embark on a radical journey of healing? How do couples navigate from survival mode to genuine connection after years of chaos and trauma?
Tony welcomes Steph and Craig Salazar, the authentic couple behind the popular podcast "The Steph and Craig Show." What begins as a reunion of newfound friends quickly transforms into a profound exploration of relationship transformation, personal growth, and the messy beauty of healing together.
Steph and Craig share their remarkable journey from meeting as a police officer and dispatcher to becoming relationship content creators who are changing lives through radical vulnerability. They don't hold back as they discuss the chaos of their early relationship—blending families, career crises, mental health struggles, and the imbalanced dynamics that nearly tore them apart.
Listen as they reveal the pivotal moments that shifted their path: Craig's life-changing men's retreat that Steph secretly feared might end their relationship, Steph's breaking point in her dispatch career and her courageous pivot to follow her dreams, and how they both found healing through therapy, spiritual practices, and even psychedelic-assisted healing experiences.
This conversation isn't about relationship experts who have it all figured out. It's about two people who've "taken the scenic route" through life's challenges, hitting every obstacle along the way, and discovering that true connection happens when we heal individually first.
Whether you're facing relationship challenges, navigating career transitions, or doing your own healing work, this episode offers profound insights wrapped in genuine, heartfelt conversation. Steph and Craig's mission to create a mirror where others might see themselves and feel less alone in their struggles shines through every moment of this unforgettable discussion.
Join Tony, Steph, and Craig for a conversation that proves we're all healing together—one vulnerable step at a time. The Steph and Craig Show is available at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-steph-craig-show/id1742462702 or wherever you listen to podcasts, as well as on YouTube. You can find the episode that Tony references on their show at https://youtu.be/n_LiTO_nt5w?si=GAmnZF3rFdh7QPFH
00:00 Introduction and Welcome
01:07 Special Guests: Steph and Craig
01:49 The Transformative Podcast Episode
02:22 Authenticity and Vulnerability
03:35 The Journey of Steph and Craig
04:03 Career Transitions and Challenges
04:39 The Scenic Route to Healing
07:30 Magic and Connection
10:04 Meeting and Early Relationship
12:02 Navigating Careers and Personal Growth
22:28 Curiosity About Life Changes
23:32 Spiritual Awakening and Energy Healing
24:28 Journey with DreamPod and Financial Stability
25:44 Stephanie's Career Shift and Personal Growth
28:49 Balancing Masculine and Feminine Energies
33:19 Men's Retreat and Emotional Connection
44:12 Therapy and Healing Together
48:45 Current Focus and Future Plans
**Show Notes:**
- How Steph and Craig met in law enforcement and blended their families
- The career crisis that sent Craig into depression and changed their trajectory
- Why Steph thought sending Craig to a men's retreat might mean the end of their relationship
- Their journey through energy healing, spiritual awakening, and finding authentic connection
- How individual healing created the foundation for relationship transformation
- The role of therapy, MDMA-assisted healing, and psychedelics in their growth
- Their transition from couples coaching to content creation focused on vulnerability
- Tony's reflections on masculine/feminine energy and the burdens in relationships
**Keywords:** relationship transformation, healing, vulnerability, law enforcement trauma, men's work, couples therapy, psychedelic healing, content creation, authentic connection -
Every couple starts their marriage journey with hearts full of hope and eyes bright with optimism. But what happens when the fairy tale meets reality? In this compelling episode of the Virtual Couch, marriage therapist Tony Overbay takes listeners on an intimate journey through the evolution of marriage, sparked by his observation of a young newlywed couple, Hannah and Cody, during a recent podcast interview.
Drawing from over 20 years of experience as a marriage therapist, Tony bridges the gap between those magical early days and the complex reality that many couples face years into their marriage. He addresses the common refrain of "just wait until..." that many newlyweds hear, while offering hope and practical tools for couples at all stages of their relationship.
Key insights include:
- The power of intentional curiosity in long-term relationships
- Why emotional maturity matters more than initial chemistry
- The critical balance between self-care and partner care
- How to maintain individual growth while nurturing your relationship
- The four pillars of connected conversation that can transform your communication
Tony shares vulnerable moments from his own 34-year marriage journey, demonstrating how the principles he teaches aren't just theoretical—they're battle-tested. He tackles the delicate balance between maintaining individual identity and building a strong partnership, offering practical insights for both newlyweds and seasoned couples.
Whether you're basking in newlywed bliss like Hannah and Cody or navigating the complexities of a decades-long partnership, this episode provides a roadmap for understanding how to evolve together while maintaining the spark that brought you together in the first place. Tony's unique perspective helps couples understand that while change is inevitable in marriage, it doesn't have to mean growing apart—it can mean growing together in new and deeper ways.
This episode is essential listening for:
- Newlywed couples wanting to build a strong foundation
- Long-term couples seeking to reconnect or deepen their bond
- Anyone curious about the real journey from romantic love to lasting partnership
- Couples wanting practical tools for better communication and understanding
Join Tony as he unpacks these insights and more, offering both hope and practical strategies for couples at any stage of their marriage journey.
Follow the Q&A Files Podcast on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/1k2Oh4rY9VCp1tVeu14dxk?si=a39537613900475b Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-q-a-files/id1730736061 or wherever you listen to podcasts.
00:00 Introduction and Podcast Overview
01:52 Reflecting on Marriage and Personal Experiences
03:42 The Importance of Communication in Relationships
05:42 Premarital and Newlywed Counseling Insights
06:59 Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation
11:15 Navigating Discomfort and Growth in Relationships
19:52 Intentionality and Integrity in Commitments
23:22 Embracing Change and Curiosity in Marriage
25:49 Expressing Authenticity
26:00 Navigating Online Dating
28:01 The Game of Emotional Immaturity
28:44 The Challenge of Authenticity in Dating
30:07 Saying 'I Love You'
32:38 Psychological Flexibility in Relationships
39:06 The Importance of Self-Care
42:56 Boundaries and Pathological Kindness
45:07 Choosing Love Daily
46:53 Conclusion and Future Topics -
Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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What happens when you walk face-first into a wall at the movies? For therapist Tony Overbay, it led to a deep discussion about relationships, self-worth, and the challenges of being true to yourself in a world that often demands conformity.
In this engaging episode of The Virtual Couch, Tony is joined by his daughter Mackie for their regular Sunday night Q&A session. After sharing a humorous story about his movie theater mishap (complete with butterfly stitches), they dive into profound conversations about relationships, mental health, and personal growth.
The episode explores the concept of "normal" versus "pathological" narcissism, with Tony breaking down Eleanor Greenberg's research on how healthy ego differs from defensive narcissism. They discuss how true confidence comes from actual accomplishments rather than a fragile facade of superiority.
A significant portion focuses on the challenges of maintaining authenticity in relationships, particularly when dealing with emotional immaturity. Tony explains how many people lose themselves trying to make others happy, and the importance of choosing self-care first - not as an act of selfishness, but as a necessary foundation for genuine connection.
The father-daughter duo tackles numerous listener questions, covering topics like:
- Setting healthy boundaries versus giving ultimatums
- The impact of being a "scapegoat" in family dynamics
- Dealing with betrayal trauma and infidelity
- The struggles of highly sensitive people (HSP)
- Navigating relationships with emotionally immature partners
- The challenges of being authentically yourself in a society that often rewards conformity
Throughout the episode, Tony emphasizes the importance of differentiation - developing a strong but flexible sense of self while maintaining connections with others. He provides practical advice for listeners struggling with various relationship challenges, including resources for finding affordable therapy and support groups for those dealing with emotionally immature partners.
The conversation weaves together clinical insights with personal experiences, creating an authentic and relatable dialogue that helps listeners understand they're not alone in their struggles. Tony and Mackie's natural rapport adds warmth and accessibility to complex therapeutic concepts, making them more digestible for a general audience.
00:00 Introduction and Setting the Scene
01:06 Super Bowl and Halftime Show Reactions
02:30 Movie Theater Mishap and Story Time
07:10 Relationship Dynamics and Self-Care
11:47 Understanding Narcissism and Healthy Ego
17:34 Questions from the Audience
41:14 Navigating the Online Dating World
41:50 The Struggle of Authenticity in Relationships
43:20 The Journey of Emotional Growth
47:22 Dealing with Narcissistic Relationships
53:54 The Importance of Setting Boundaries
01:11:12 Overcoming Trauma and Seeking Therapy
01:14:15 Confronting Relationship Challenges
01:19:59 Final Thoughts and Resources -
Tony welcomes sisters Sarah Bailey and Karla Cragg, who share a passion for enhancing the social lives of individuals with autism. They introduce their Breaking Social Barriers PEERS program, an evidence-based social skills training course designed specifically for young adults on the autism spectrum. Their program is based on UCLA’s acclaimed PEERS treatment model, the only research-backed method proven to help young adults with autism form and maintain meaningful friendships.
Sarah and Karla provide an inside look at their curriculum, which offers practical strategies for entering, maintaining, and exiting conversations—along with other essential social skills that set individuals up for success. They emphasize the importance of honoring autistic individuals' authenticity while equipping them with the social tools they may need.
The conversation also explores key topics such as the differences between autism and highly sensitive person (HSP) traits, the impact of diagnosis and labeling, and the increasing demand for targeted social skills training.
Tune in to discover how Sarah and Karla’s approach is making a profound difference in the lives of autistic individuals—whether formally diagnosed or self-identified.
Learn more about their evidence-based programs at BreakingSocialBarriers.com.
00:00 Welcome to the Virtual Couch
01:11 Diving into Autism Awareness
02:22 Carla's Journey into Autism Education
05:31 Introducing the Peers Program
08:27 Navigating Social Skills for Young Adults
12:44 Understanding Autism and Neurodiversity
20:43 Navigating Social Interactions with High Functioning Autism
21:27 Teaching the Art of Trading Information
23:30 The Importance of Evidence-Based Social Skills Programs
25:18 Addressing Loneliness and Social Isolation
26:24 Course Structure and Content
29:43 Role Playing and Practical Applications
35:56 Enhancing Authentic Social Interactions
38:29 Conclusion and Contact Information -
Have you ever been told you're 'too sensitive' or that you need to ‘get over it,’ or ‘don’t worry about it,’ but that only causes you to worry more, or feel less connected to others, or even yourself? Or have you been told that your sensitivity must mean you're on the autism spectrum? Or are you on the autisim spectrum and can you also identify with many of the characteristics of Highly Sensitive People? With over 2.2 million views and hundreds of comments on recent viral videos about Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), it's clear this topic strikes a nerve. Drawing from his experience working with both HSPs and individuals with ASD, Tony dives deep into why these distinct experiences are often confused - and why understanding the difference isn't just interesting, it's essential for creating a more empathetic world.
Through viral video statistics, personal anecdotes, and real-world examples, he breaks down how HSPs (representing 15-20% of the population) and individuals with ASD navigate life differently. From sensory processing to social dynamics, discover why that deep emotional processing might actually be an evolutionary advantage rather than a disorder. Along the way, the discussion explores how ADHD and NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) intersect with these experiences.
This episode provides crucial insights into recognizing, understanding, and supporting both HSPs and individuals with ASD. Whether questioning your own experiences or trying to better understand someone else's, listeners will find the clarity and validation they've been seeking. Perfect for anyone who's ever felt misunderstood about their sensitivity or confused about where they fit in the neurodiversity spectrum. Join Tony for an eye-opening discussion that might just change how you see yourself - or someone you love."
00:00 Welcome and Introduction
00:30 The Viral Video on Highly Sensitive People
01:04 Behind the Scenes: Social Media Stats
02:05 Addressing Misconceptions and Personal Insights
03:26 A Personal Anecdote: The Butterfly Bandage
04:12 Responding to Drive-By Comments
04:29 Understanding Highly Sensitive People (HSP) vs Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
07:27 Story Time: Sarah and Michael's Interaction
18:57 The Evolutionary Purpose of High Sensitivity
21:39 Traits and Characteristics of Highly Sensitive People
29:17 Challenges Faced by Highly Sensitive People
33:59 The Importance of Curiosity and Understanding
35:30 Understanding Human Uniqueness
36:22 Fascinating Facts About Human Preferences
37:22 The Complexity of Sensitivity
39:20 Exploring Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
40:49 Comparing HSP and ASD Sensory Experiences
54:50 Social Interactions: HSP vs. ASD
01:00:47 Nonverbal Communication Differences
01:04:26 Emotional Energy and Social Fatigue
01:08:05 Final Thoughts and Listener Engagement -
Have you ever tried selling a grand piano on Facebook Marketplace? Our latest episode of the Q&A Files kicks off with some personal tales of downsizing and the hilarious adventures that come with it. Join us as Trisha Jamison, a board-certified functional nutritionist, and Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist and seasoned podcaster from The Virtual Couch, and Waking Up To Narcissism, discuss these issues for Tony's podcast, The Virtual Couch.
Trisha and Tony discuss emotional immaturity and narcissistic traits and offer a path to healthier relationships. We share our own journeys of growth and healing to show how. This episode delves into the challenges of navigating emotionally complex relationships and the power of validation. Whether dealing with resistance from a partner or unlocking the transformative potential of self-awareness, our candid discussions aim to provide fresh perspectives and practical strategies for listeners who might be walking similar paths.
Join us next time as we discuss how to keep your relationships fresh by talking to a newlywed couple who are just as cute as can be! Follow the Q&A Files Podcast on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/1k2Oh4rY9VCp1tVeu14dxk?si=a39537613900475b Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-q-a-files/id1730736061 or wherever you listen to podcasts. -
Are you tired of repeating the same relationship patterns? Whether it's constant worry about abandonment or a tendency to keep people at arm's length, these behaviors - known as attachment styles - aren't set in stone.
In part one of this two-part series, therapist Tony Overbay examines the science of attachment theory, tracing its development from John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth's pioneering "Strange Situation" experiment to current research demonstrating how people can actually change their relationship patterns. Through clinical examples and accessible explanations, Tony breaks down how early experiences with caregivers create blueprints that influence adult relationships - and more importantly, why these patterns can evolve.
Tony explains how understanding attachment style connects to emotional maturity and self-awareness. Listeners will learn about different attachment patterns, how they manifest in daily life, and why these early-developed patterns aren't a reflection of personal failure - they emerged before conscious choice was possible.
This episode provides the foundation for a deeper exploration of attachment style change and relationship transformation. For anyone dealing with trust issues, abandonment fears, or struggles with emotional intimacy, the discussion offers concrete insights into becoming more secure in relationships.
Part 2 will delve into specific strategies for building secure attachments and showing up differently in relationships. As Tony often says, "You're not broken, you're human" - and humans have a remarkable capacity for growth.
00:00 Welcome Back and New Beginnings
00:28 Understanding Narcissism and Emotional Maturity
02:05 Personal Struggles and Emotional Growth
04:40 Podcast Updates and Future Plans
06:59 Introduction to Attachment Theory
10:06 The Strange Situation Experiment
12:28 Attachment Styles and Their Impact
17:25 Early Childhood and Relationship Templates
21:04 Avoidant Attachment in Adulthood
22:07 The Painful Dance of Intimacy
23:52 The Role of Fathers in Attachment
24:37 Presence and Radiance: A Father's Influence
26:18 Emotional Safety and Consistency
29:31 Navigating Emotions and Independence
39:53 Challenges of Absent Fathers
44:12 Healing Attachment Wounds
44:33 Conclusion and Next Steps
Find more from Tony Overbay:
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@virtualcouch
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.couch/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/
Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998
Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/virtualcouch
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
In this special bonus episode of The Virtual Couch, host Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, is joined by his daughter Sydney for a live Q&A session originally aired on TikTok. The duo addresses a variety of mental health topics, including ADHD management, the importance of setting realistic New Year's resolutions, and how to navigate emotional boundaries in relationships. Listeners can learn about the differences between CBT and ACT therapy, how to handle emotional immaturity and narcissism in relationships, and practical strategies for dealing with ADHD, such as medication and increasing emotional tolerance. Tony and Sydney also discuss complex emotional topics like disassociation, rejection sensitivity, and the impact of childhood defense mechanisms on adult behaviors. For those unable to join live, the episode is available on Tony's Virtual Couch YouTube channel. Viewers are encouraged to submit their mental health questions for future episodes.
00:00 Welcome to The Virtual Couch
01:18 Live Q&A Introduction
02:37 Discussing New Year's Resolutions
03:36 Understanding Socially Compliant Goals
04:44 Experiential Avoidance Explained
05:31 Setting Realistic Goals
08:06 Addressing ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity
12:02 Navigating Emotional Immaturity in Relationships
18:08 Falling in Love Outside of Marriage
21:15 ADHD and Attachment Styles
23:35 Gaslighting: A Childhood Defense Mechanism
28:41 The Impact of ADHD Medication
42:10 Addressing Basic Needs
42:22 Exploring Non-Stimulant ADHD Medications
43:53 Understanding the Window of Tolerance
46:10 Thoughts on TMS Therapy
47:49 Discussing DPDR Disorder
49:25 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy vs. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
52:36 Navigating Emotional Sensitivity and Boundaries
57:00 Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder
01:00:00 The Role of Therapy and Validation
01:11:07 Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) Traits
01:20:33 Concluding Thoughts and Q&A
Find more from Tony Overbay:
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@virtualcouch
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.couch/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/
Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998
Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/virtualcouch -
Tony exposes something that will forever change how you hear conversations - including your own. That moment when someone says, 'I feel like you don't care' might not actually be about feelings at all..."
Have you ever said "I feel like this isn't working," when what you really meant was, "I think this isn't working - and I'm scared"? In this eye-opening episode, Tony delves into the subtle but powerful difference between thoughts and feelings, revealing how this common confusion shapes our relationships in unexpected ways.
Through engaging stories from his therapy practice, Tony shows how something as simple as saying "I feel like" when we mean "I think" can accidentally put others on the defensive and hide our true emotions. You'll discover why that matters more than you might think - especially in your closest relationships.
Drawing from both clinical experience and relatable examples (including a story about forgotten tacos at a dinner party), Tony explores:
- Why we often mask our true feelings behind thoughts
- How childhood experiences shape our comfort with emotional expression
- The surprising reason self-compassion feels threatening to many people
- Practical ways to build a richer emotional vocabulary
Once you understand this pattern, you'll start noticing it everywhere - in your conversations, in others' speech, and maybe even in your own internal dialogue. Visit Tony's new website https://tonyoverbay.com for additional resources on emotional intelligence and join his Patreon community at https://patreon.com/virtualcouch for exclusive content and Q&A sessions where you can dive deeper into these insights.
This isn't just another episode about communication - it's about understanding why we hide our true feelings and how to finally express what we really mean.
Find more from Tony Overbay:
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@virtualcouch
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.couch/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/
Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998
Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/virtualcouch
00:00 Welcome to The Virtual Couch
00:52 Understanding Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
01:20 Exciting Announcements and Facial Hair
03:07 Unseen Patterns and Hidden Meanings
05:49 The Power of Confirmation Bias
08:58 Thoughts vs. Feelings: A Therapy Insight
17:33 Emotional Vocabulary and Childhood Influences
23:20 Separating Observations from Judgments
24:03 Witness vs. Lawyer: A Car Accident Case
24:44 Applying the Concept to Relationships
25:39 Curiosity Over Judgment
27:15 Workplace Communication
29:37 The Taco Story: A Lesson in Self-Compassion
34:56 The Impact of Self-Criticism
39:13 Embracing Psychological Flexibility
40:57 Conclusion and Final Thoughts -
Are you tired of the endless pursuit of perfection? Do you question why your self-esteem seems more tied to others' opinions than your own self-worth? In this transformative episode, Tony explores the crucial difference between self-esteem and self-compassion, drawing from Dr. Kristin Neff's groundbreaking research. Through personal experiences and scientific insights, Tony challenges our cultural obsession with self-esteem, revealing why the constant pressure to be "above average" creates an impossible and unhealthy standard for well-being.
Learn how self-compassion offers a more sustainable path to genuine self-acceptance through its three core components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Tony delves into the fascinating neuroscience behind mindfulness practices, explaining how they physically rewire our brain for greater emotional regulation and self-awareness. Drawing from Viktor Frankl's profound insights as a Holocaust survivor and author of "Man's Search for Meaning," Tony illustrates how finding meaning in our struggles can transform our relationship with ourselves and others.
This episode provides both the scientific framework and practical tools needed to develop self-compassion in daily life. Whether you struggle with perfectionism, find yourself caught in comparison traps, or simply want to develop a more stable sense of self-worth, you'll discover why self-compassion offers all the benefits of high self-esteem without its potential downsides. Join Tony as he shares actionable strategies for transforming your relationship with yourself and finding peace in the simple truth that you're not broken - you're human.
00:00 Introduction and Personal Story
01:46 The Therapist's Dilemma: Hope vs. Reality
04:33 Exploring Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion
07:01 The Impact of Comparison and External Validation
11:02 Value-Based Goal Setting and Radical Acceptance
13:08 Parental Support and Secure Attachment
15:25 Listener Insights on Self-Esteem
16:32 Embracing Self-Compassion
23:22 Seeking Validation and Self-Compassion
24:16 Confessions of an Ultramarathoner
26:18 Accepting Mediocrity in Running
29:19 The Power of Self-Compassion
33:25 Mindfulness and Self-Kindness
35:19 A Personal Podcasting Challenge
39:21 Viktor Frankl's Wisdom on Meaning
45:23 The Journey of Self-Compassion -
Tony delves into smiling depression, medication, and natural ways to improve brain chemistry, Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD), formerly known as dysthymia- and much more! NOTE - Tony is not a doctor, and he shares a helpful way of how medications work that was explained to him, including what neurotransmitters are. What roles do serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, GABA, and glutamate play in one's mental health, and why do so many of the medications involve “reuptaking,” and what does that mean? Tony’s advice is not to be viewed as a replacement for medical advice; he strongly recommends that people meet regularly with their doctor for medical advice. Tony explores the differences between various mental health conditions like PDD, OCD, NPD, and more. He also explores the historical context of dysthymia, the changes in diagnostic criteria with the release of DSM-5, the significance of moving the diagnosis from a personality disorder to a mood disorder, and how the two differ. Additionally, we will discuss treatment options, including therapy and medication, and more practical advice for those struggling with chronic low-grade depression. This episode is packed with insights and is a perfect listen before Thanksgiving for some psychological fun facts to share around the family table.Find more from Tony Overbay:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@virtualcouch Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.couch/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/ Link Tree: https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchChapters:00:00 Decoding the Alphabet Soup of Mental Health02:12 Introduction to the Podcast and Host02:38 Understanding Dysthymia & Persistent Depressive Disorder04:44 DSM & ICD: Mental Health Diagnostic Tools15:54 Personality Disorders vs. Mood Disorders22:51 Exploring the History & Impact of Dysthymia25:41 Causes and Management of Persistent Depressive Disorder28:24 Role of a Muse in Self-Discovery29:02 Impact of Stress on Mental Health29:13 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy29:33 Understanding Your Emotions30:28 Treating Persistent Depressive Disorder31:36 Science Behind Neurotransmitters33:43 How Reuptake Inhibitors Work45:50 Natural Ways to Improve Brain Chemistry47:17 Understanding Dysthymia51:07 Your Journey of Personal Growth
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Tony welcomes guests Nate and Marla Christensen to discuss the concept of self-compassion. Nate is an ALPC, and Marla is an ALPC and AMFT. They delve into the groundbreaking research of Kristen Neff, who has spent 20 years studying the benefits of self-compassion, including its effects on PTSD, anxiety, depression, and overall mental health. The episode explores the three main components of self-compassion—mindfulness, self-kindness, and common humanity—and addresses common misconceptions such as self-compassion being viewed as weakness, self-indulgence, or selfishness. They share personal insights and clinical experiences, making a compelling case for incorporating self-compassion into daily life and therapy. Nate and Marla are both currently working under Tony's license, and both currently have openings in their schedule. To reach Nate, email him at [email protected], and for Marla, email [email protected], or you can contact them through Tony at [email protected]. You can view Nate and Marla's episode on LeadingSaints.org here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=0f9P-Xk5ZaE
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
02:46 Guest Introduction: Nate and Marla Christensen
02:53 Discussing Self-Compassion
03:45 Nate and Marla's Professional Background
08:16 The Importance of Self-Compassion
14:25 Common Misconceptions About Self-Compassion
17:04 Scientific Insights on Self-Compassion
25:25 Historical Context and Recent Research
27:27 Exploring Self-Compassion
28:32 Understanding Mindfulness
30:59 Practicing Self-Kindness
32:52 Embracing Common Humanity
34:58 Motivation Through Self-Compassion
35:53 Challenges in Self-Compassion
39:14 Cultural Perspectives on Compassion
41:11 Reparenting and Emotional Maturity
45:52 Final Thoughts and Reflections -
Have you ever wondered why your aging parent suddenly needs to arrive an hour early for everything? Or why, after knowing them your entire life, they suddenly appear to be trying to exert control and order at a level that you’ve never experienced? In today’s episode of The Virtual Couch podcast, Tony Overbay, LMFT, takes us on a fascinating journey through the human brain, starting with the incredible story of Phineas Gage - the man who survived an iron rod through his head and lived to tell the tale (though he wasn't quite the same person afterward).
From there, he dives into something most all of us are impacted by, either directly or through someone that we care about - anxiety. But not just any anxiety - we're talking about why our caveman's brains are still trying to protect us from tigers in the parking lot and how this shows up differently as we age. Tony breaks down the fundamental differences between normal aging, dementia, and Alzheimer's in a way that finally makes sense.
Tony then breaks down a listener's email about their father’s increasingly anxious behaviors. Tony unpacks powerful tools for handling these delicate family situations. Tony introduces the acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) principle of psychological flexibility (think yoga for your emotions) and shares David Schnarch's “4 Points of Balance” to becoming more differentiated, which helps you maintain your sanity while staying connected to those you love.
Tony explains Schnarch’s 'crucible' as the transformative space where relationships grow or crack under pressure. Whether you're dealing with an aging parent, a challenging relationship, or just trying to understand why people do what they do, this episode offers the “why” behind our anxious and controlling behaviors and practical ways to navigate life's complicated relationships without losing yourself.
00:00 The Incredible Story of Phineas Gage
04:04 Introduction to the Virtual Couch
05:38 Listener's Email: Concerns About Aging Parent
07:40 Understanding Anxiety and Its Evolution
14:57 Distinguishing Dementia and Alzheimer's
17:33 Coping with Aging and Anxiety
24:50 Practical Advice for Managing Anxiety
24:59 Reframing Perspectives
25:09 Empathy and Understanding
25:25 Intentional Conversations
25:55 Meeting Halfway
26:12 Choosing Your Battles
26:54 Boundaries vs Ultimatums
27:12 Psychological Reactance
30:22 Differentiation and Emotional Autonomy
32:57 Four Points of Balance
38:30 Constructing Your Crucible
44:43 Final Thoughts and Takeaways
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
Tony Overbay, LMFT explores themes of faith journeys, parental expectations, communication, differentiation, and self-discovery through an allegorical story titled 'Off the Beaten Path: Finding Love and Self in a World of Conformity.' The narrative follows a young man named Ansel, who grapples with societal expectations, familial pressures, and his journey toward self-acceptance. Through meaningful encounters and introspection, Ansel learns to embrace his individuality amidst traditional, religious, and cultural norms. This episode also highlights the importance of personal integrity the challenges of navigating faith and family systems, and encourages listeners to explore their unique talents and values. Tony invites the audience to share their stories and questions about their own faith and family journeys for future episodes.
00:00 Welcome and Introduction
01:17 “Not My Job” song by: Riley Hope
02:48 The Power of Writing and Poetry
05:26 Exploring Allegories
06:44 Off the Beaten Path: Ansul's Journey Begins
12:14 Ansul's Struggles and Self-Discovery
16:17 Meeting Maris: A New Connection
17:52 Seeking Guidance: Ansul's Dilemma
18:31 Ansul's Realization and Self-Acceptance
19:00 Building a Relationship with Maris
20:42 Themes of the Allegory: Individuality vs. Conformity
22:32 Exploring Faith and Doubt
22:53 Coming of Age and Self-Discovery
23:30 Truth, Knowledge, and Intergenerational Expectations
25:34 Curiosity, Love, and Acceptance
26:38 Personal Growth Through Discomfort
27:19 Diversity of Thought and Self-Acceptance
29:24 Navigating Difficult Journeys of Faith and Family
31:00 Encouragement for Personal Growth and Authenticity
33:02 Conclusion and Call to Action
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
McKinley “Mackie” Overbay, host of “The Mind, the Mirror, and Me,” and Tony Overbay, LMFT, return after a significant hiatus to discuss numerous life updates, including their recent move to Arizona and Mackie's health journey with Hashimoto's disease. They delve into the struggles and triumphs of losing 55 pounds, the importance of self-love, and the necessity of balancing mind and body health. The conversation touches on the challenges of diet, exercise, meditation, and maintaining consistency. It's a candid look at personal transformation, resilience, and the importance of understanding and caring for oneself amidst life's unpredictable challenges.
00:00 Introduction and Opening Banter
00:25 Welcome Back and New Beginnings
01:18 Social Media and Personal Updates
03:21 Discussing Past Episodes and Themes
05:25 Weight Loss Journey and Health Challenges
07:25 Understanding Hashimoto's Disease
11:21 Reflections on Self-Worth and Body Image
14:20 Diet Changes and Lifestyle Adjustments
24:18 Thyroid Health and Medical Insights
27:56 Understanding Perimenopause and Hormonal Changes
28:16 Unexpected Balloon Incident
28:54 Recognizing and Addressing Health Issues
30:39 The Journey to Diagnosis
32:13 Lifestyle Changes and Their Impact
34:21 The Importance of Consistency and Motivation
35:51 Managing Inflammation and Dietary Adjustments
37:21 Exercise and Weight Loss Strategies
39:37 The Role of Meditation and Mindfulness
48:14 Embracing Self-Worth and Positivity
53:02 Concluding Thoughts and Reflections
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
Do you find yourself constantly putting others' needs before your own? Have you ever wondered if being "too kind" could actually be harmful to your relationships and well-being? In today’s crossover episode - Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explores the complex concept of pathological kindness in relationships. Through a listener's letter from 'Cleo,' Tony delves into the challenges faced by those who prioritize others' needs to their detriment, often rooted in childhood experiences of being the family peacemaker. Cleo's story highlights issues with her emotionally inconsistent partner, Ray, unveiling the struggles of living with someone emotionally immature or narcissistic. Tony discusses recognizing these patterns, including the role of cognitive dissonance and trauma bonding in maintaining unhealthy relationships. He explores how highly sensitive people (HSPs) may be particularly vulnerable to these dynamics. The episode emphasizes the importance of developing a stable core identity, setting boundaries, and balancing kindness with self-care. Tony also touches on the challenges of breaking free from intermittent reinforcement in relationships and recognizing and trusting one's own perceptions. He stresses the role of therapy and self-awareness in breaking free from unhealthy cycles and fostering emotionally mature relationships while also offering hope to those who recognize themselves as the emotionally immature partner and want to change.
00:00 Introduction and Podcast Promotion
01:19 Introducing Cleo's Story
03:16 Cleo's Relationship Struggles
10:38 Understanding Pathological Kindness
16:28 The Impact of Pathological Kindness
21:36 Balancing Kindness and Self-Care
25:09 Exploring Self-Reliance and Its Pitfalls
25:24 The Dual Nature of Optimism
25:40 Understanding Humility and Self-Deprecation
26:26 The Complexities of Honesty
27:09 Patience vs. Passivity
27:24 Competence and Arrogance
28:00 Cleo's Relationship with Ray
29:04 The Struggle of Highly Sensitive People
29:48 The Challenge of Leaving Toxic Relationships
33:23 The Cognitive Dissonance and Trauma Bonding
45:04 The Importance of Self-Care and Boundaries
46:03 Encouragement for Personal Growth
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com
And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that g -
Tony talks with musician Ian McConnell. Ian kicks off his “Primary Source” tour this Thursday, August 15th, in Dallas, TX, and will visit 25 more spots around the country (tickets for Ian’s “Primary Source” tour can be purchased through his website https://www.ianmcconnellmusic.com). Ian opens up about his journey in the music industry, touring experiences, and personal struggles. They discuss everything from car troubles and pandemic life to faith deconstruction and mental health therapy. Ian shares his approach to writing meaningful songs that resonate with listeners, his views on human purpose, and the emotional highs and lows of social media success. The episode offers a deep dive into Ian's creative process and the challenges of maintaining authenticity and self-care in a demanding industry. Tune in for an introspective and engaging conversation on living a good life, mental health, and the power of music. You can find Ian on all popular social media platforms.
00:00 Introduction and Casual Conversation
00:38 Desert Life and Moving to Phoenix
01:20 Touring Experiences and Plans
02:59 Existential Crisis and Songwriting
04:09 Faith Deconstruction and Personal Growth
06:45 The Pursuit of Happiness and Validation
15:41 Nashville and Country Music Journey
24:09 Pandemic Challenges and TikTok Success
25:35 Diving into Music and Social Media
26:30 Navigating Roommate Tensions and Relationships
27:26 Exploring Emotional Immaturity and People-Pleasing
30:50 The Rush of Social Media Fame
31:40 Creating Music Independently
34:02 Reflecting on Mental Health and Therapy
35:23 Releasing Music Like a TV Show
37:34 Analyzing Lyrics and Personal Experiences
45:56 The Joy and Nerves of Performing Live
46:57 Wrapping Up and Future Plans
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com
And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
Tony Overbay, LMFT, tackles an emotion we've all felt but rarely discuss: shame. Have you ever wondered why shame feels so personal, so all-consuming? Could it be that shame is actually... selfish?
Inspired by a pivotal scene from the Apple TV series 'Presumed Innocent', Tony unravels the tangled web of shame and guilt. He asks: What if our shame is holding us back more than we realize? Is it possible that by focusing on our shame, we're actually being self-absorbed?
Tony dives deep into the origins of these complex emotions and their surprising impacts on our personal growth and relationships. He offers practical strategies for recognizing and overcoming shame, emphasizing the power of self-awareness and acceptance.
But here's the kicker - what if shame isn't just about you? Tony explores how understanding shame can transform our empathy and support for others. He challenges listeners to question: Are we using shame as a shield when it's actually a barrier to genuine connection?
Whether you're grappling with your own feelings of shame or trying to support someone who is, this episode promises insights that could change how you view yourself and others. Ready to unmask shame and discover a path to authentic self-esteem?
In this episode of 'The Virtual Couch,' host Tony Overbay shares his transformative epiphany from watching the Apple TV series 'Presumed Innocent.' He dives into the profound distinctions between shame and guilt, using a key scene from the show as a focal point. Tony explores how these concepts relate to personal growth and therapy, offering practical tools and insights to help listeners better understand and manage their own experiences with shame. This episode aims to foster a healthier relationship with oneself and promote emotional awareness and self-compassion.
00:00 Introduction and Epiphany
00:51 Setting the Stage: Presumed Innocent
01:53 The Epiphany: Guilt vs. Shame
02:39 Exploring Discomfort and Reactions
04:20 Understanding Shame and Its Origins
07:38 The Selfishness of Shame
19:30 Implicit Memory and Thought Patterns
25:59 Transforming Negative Thoughts
26:24 Creating Space for Positive Experiences
27:30 The Journey of Changing Your Internal Landscape
29:36 Understanding and Managing Discomfort
32:01 The Concept of First and Second Darts
32:49 Stages of Growth and Self-Awareness
39:12 The Role of Shame and Guilt
42:42 Applying Compassion and Empathy
45:13 Final Thoughts and Encouragement -
Who are you? How do others view you? And why do we care so much about what others think of us, especially when they probably aren't spending as much time thinking about us as we think they are? When they do think about us, they see us through their own lens. It’s time to discover who you are. So, how exactly do you do that?
Tony Overbay, LMFT, reads a heartfelt letter from a long-time listener, Jamie, who is struggling with issues in her marriage and recognizing patterns from her childhood that affect how she interacts with her spouse and children. Tony explores the concept of the 'Looking Glass Self' by Charles Horton Cooley, discussing how our self-identity is shaped by our perceptions of how others view us. He explains how these early experiences impact our self-esteem and relationships, using examples from listeners and clients. Tony introduces the modern-day concept of the 'reflected sense of self' from David Schnarch's theories of differentiation and provides practical advice on overcoming the need for external validation, forming healthier attachments, and developing a stable self-identity.
Join Tony as he navigates these deep psychological concepts and offers insights into creating more emotionally secure and fulfilling connections.
00:00 Listener's Heartfelt Letter
02:31 Introduction to Episode 424
03:10 Exploring the Concept of the Mirror
03:29 Charles Horton Cooley and the Looking Glass Self
09:00 Real-Life Examples of the Looking Glass Self
16:16 Differentiation and Emotional Independence
16:57 Balancing Connection and Individuality
18:47 The Reflected Sense of Self
27:00 Understanding Identity and Self-Worth
27:55 The Role of External Validation
29:25 Parent-Child Dynamics and Conditional Love
30:53 Emotional Neglect and Its Impact
33:21 Attachment Styles and Emotional Support
40:13 The Concept of Shame and Guilt
46:26 Overcoming Childhood Wounds
49:35 Final Thoughts and Encouragement -
Tony Overbay, LMFT, and Marla Christensen, AMFT, APCC, dive deep into the complexities of betrayal trauma, focusing on the emotional and cognitive challenges faced by both partners. They explore how the betrayer's shame and fragmented memories often lead to staggered disclosures, which can further traumatize the betrayed partner. Over time, understanding the flawed nature of memory, the impact of shame, our desire to alleviate discomfort at almost any cost, and the human need for certainty is crucial. By developing emotional regulation, better communication skills, and a deeper understanding of oneself and each other, couples can approach the formal disclosure process with less pain, more intention and compassion, and potentially more realistic expectations. This discussion highlights the importance of patience, education, and therapeutic support in healing betrayal trauma.
Tony shares the continuing evolution of his therapeutic approach for working with betrayal trauma, building off of his work with hundreds of couples over the past decade. Tony emphasizes the need to intentionally delay full disclosure until a strong foundation of emotional skills and mutual understanding is built. He explains how therapists must remain differentiated and confident in their methods to guide couples through this challenging process. By focusing on the concepts of memory, certainty, emotional immaturity, and effective communication, Tony and Marla offer valuable insights for anyone navigating the painful path of betrayal trauma.
If you are interested in contacting or working with Marla, you can contact her at [email protected]
00:00 Welcome Back to the Virtual Couch
00:24 Understanding Dual Licensing
01:50 The Licensing Exam Experience
02:31 Introducing the Controversial Theory on Betrayal Trauma
03:39 The Concept of Formal Disclosure
06:34 Personal Experiences with Staggered Disclosure
09:15 Confabulation and Memory Mechanisms
15:55 Therapeutic Approaches to Betrayal Trauma
19:03 Recognizing Signs of Discouragement
20:48 The Two-Choice Dilemma
22:46 Understanding Memory and Its Challenges
27:10 The Quest for Certainty in Relationships
34:39 The Concept of Lying and Its Implications
36:19 Final Thoughts and Reflections - Laat meer zien
