Bruce Perry Podcasts
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When I asked the community for topics for The Anxious Morning, this is one that came up a few times so I wanted to cover it here. It’s a really good question that everyone asks at some point and it will actually dovetail into the two editions that will be released tomorrow and the day after so stay tuned for those.
During an exposure, or when meeting a life challenge that triggers anxiety or panic, you WILL experience anxiety. You may feel all the symptoms that you know and hate. You may feel depersonalized or derealized. You might feel like you can’t breathe or are about to pass out or die. You may be convinced that you will lose your sanity and permanently break. All of these things (and others) can happen while engaging in exposure work.
So what do you do with them? How should you handle them?
The short answer is that you don’t have to handle them.
Well, that’s not really an answer. It’s really the lesson you need to learn from these experiences.
When you experience all those scary and uncomfortable symptoms and thoughts during an exposure, you should basically do the opposite of what you want to do to “handle” them. You will want to run. Don’t. You will want to escape. Don’t. You will want to get help or be rescued. Don’t. You will want to find every logical argument in the world to try to convince yourself that its just anxiety and that you are still OK. Don’t bother. Your lizard brain isn’t listening and isn’t buying your argument.
So when your body and mind are screaming at you to save yourself, be saved, or otherwise run out of this horrible, dangerous, hell-like situation, your response has to be exactly the opposite.
The highlights are:
1. Relaxation (you can be relaxed without being calm).
2. Focus in a more productive direction (you have to practice this)
3. Proper breathing (you also have to practice this)
4. Resolve to bend like a willow tree in a storm, but not break (which in this case we’ll define as running).
As always I have tell you clearly that this advice is not designed for “panic stopping”. I am not teaching you how to build a shield against panic. These is all predicated on the idea that the most successful exposure is the one in which you fully experience and move THROUGH anxiety, fear, and discomfort. Why? Because that is where the recovery lessons are. That’s why.
I can’t go into all the nuts and bolts of exactly what to do second by second in one morning newsletter. But this gives you the general idea. And if you stopped by hoping to find the top five ways to stop anxiety only to wind up disappointed, then this advice is exactly the advice you needed to hear today.
Tomorrow we’ll expand a bit on this topic to talk about Exposure and Response Prevention - ERP.
I just finished reading “What Happened To You” by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey. It was suggested to me as a way to help understand the experience of trauma, and I’m happy that I read it. I think I might do a review of the book in a future episode of The Anxious Morning so stay tuned for that.
On Tuesdays (sometimes) I’ll let you know what I’m currently reading. I read quite a bit on psychology and philosophy, but really you never know what I’ll have in my Kindle or Audible libraries! If you’re on Goodreads and into books, you can follow/friend me over there. Here’s a link to my “currently reading” shelf. I’d love to see what you’re reading and what you recommend.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com -
As a follow up to edition 91 of The Anxious Morning, today I want to look at the idea of being tired as it relates to anxiety and recovery.
Let’s imagine someone with an anxiety disorder that makes them really afraid of their own body and thoughts. When confronted with sensations that are normal but uncomfortable, this person has developed the habit of treating those sensations as threats. The same goes for thoughts. Scary thoughts that predict disaster or lead one to constantly question their safety trigger all kinds of anxious and fearful responses.
For this person, over time, it would be expected that they might begin to build avoidance habits designed to keep them out of activities and situations that might trigger those uncomfortable things. They may avoid and shrink their lives because they are convinced that they can only devote their attention to being anxious and therefore can’t really engage with things like work, school, or social interaction.
As this goes on, our friend with the anxiety disorder becomes less and less engaged with life. They treat themselves as fragile and incapable. Their level of activity drops dramatically both physically and mentally as they withdraw only to the places and situations that might guarantee safety and calm. While other members of the household are engaged with life without the need for multiple dedicated rest days each week, our anxious friend is convinced that they must take it easy because they feel tired and can’t do much. There is no actual health issue at play here, only an anxiety and fear response gone off the rails.
Less engagement. Less activity. Less demand.
Yet, this person may declare that they are tired, and must rest. Maybe quite often. See how this can get a bit warped at times?
I do not mean to imply that you must never rest or that you must think of rest as a treat or rewards. All humans have a right to rest. Rest, sleep and relaxation are all built in to our physiology. There’s no reason to fight that or try to work against it. When tired … rest. That’s completely OK and advisable.
My only point today on The Anxious Morning is to shine some gentle light on a common distortion that runs through the community. Being tired or feeling fatigue can be a real issue when we’re always feeling anxious or afraid. No doubt about that. But it can be easy to fall into the trap of feeling some fatigue, then throwing our hands up and declaring it all too much while we retreat to the calm zone again.
This may seem familiar to you. If it is, I will leave you with a few things to think about today:
* What small things can you accomplish even when tired?
* Can you see examples of people in your life that engage in the world even when tired?
* What’s the difference between being too tired to do something, and being afraid how you might feel if you do things while tired?
* When was the last time you responded to the thought that you must rest with opposite action?
Again, it’s important for me to emphasize that I am not telling you to never rest. I am only suggesting that you take a few minutes to try to think objectively about your relationship with fatigue and rest. Does it seem healthy to you, or is it possible that things have gone a bit sideways in this area?
Sometimes taking some time to look at our habits and beliefs in the cold light of day can become a productive exercise.
I’m currently reading What Happened To You by Dr. Bruce Perry and (gulp) Oprah Winfrey. It was suggested to me a few times so I’m checking it out because it does resonate with many people that have traumatic backgrounds. I’m appreciating how Dr. Perry uses neuroscience to explain why traumatic experiences can create sensations and thoughts many years later.
Every Tuesday I’ll let you know what I’m currently reading. I read quite a bit on psychology and philosophy, but really you never know what I’ll have in my Kindle or Audible libraries! If you’re on Goodreads and into books, you can follow/friend me over there. Here’s a link to my “currently reading” shelf. I’d love to see what you’re reading and what you recommend.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com
