Afleveringen
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Mike's first Shitshow episode π SHITSHOW SATURDAY #127
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Shitshow Saturday #127
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A death doula shares what really happens between a toxic parent and their child in the parent's final moments.
Kat Courtney is a death doula and plant medicine facilitator who has sat with dozens of people in their final moments. After a childhood spent people-pleasing a father who only wanted the happy version of her, a near-death experience in her early twenties, and years of using ayahuasca to finally face the family wounds she'd normalized her whole life, she learned that the things we run from don't disappear - they wait. This is a conversation about what surfaces at the very end, when the body lets go and the truth we've avoided our entire lives finally has nowhere left to hide.
β¨ What this episode explores:
βͺοΈ When Repair Becomes Possible β Why for some people, truly healing a relationship with a parent only happens after they've died, and how to do it.
βͺοΈ The Final Conversation β The apologies and accountability that can come from a dying parent, and why healing is still possible when they don't.
βͺοΈ The Trauma You Avoided Your Entire Lifeβ Why someone who spent their whole life avoiding their pain can suddenly confront it on their deathbed.
βͺοΈ The Power of Ibogaine β Why this psychedelic stands out from others for treating addiction and trauma, and what the treatment process looks like.
βͺοΈ How to Know if a Plant Medicine Facilitator Is Safe β Warning signs and specific questions to assess whether someone is truly qualified to hold this work.
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Everything you hate about yourself starts making sense the moment you realize you're not one person - you're a whole system trying to survive.
Britt Frank is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in trauma, trained in Internal Family Systems and Somatic Experiencing. She's the author of The Science of Stuck and Align Your Mind, which translate complex trauma and parts work into language people actually understand. Britt grew up in a covertly dysfunctional family, later found herself in a cult, survived addiction and domestic violence, and came out the other side not healed, but functional. In this episode, she shares how recognizing your multiplicity -the different parts of you all trying to protect you in their own ways - becomes the key to actually changing patterns that have haunted you.
β¨ What this episode explores:
βͺοΈ Your Shadow Parts β How the parts you exiled to survive become the gifts you can't access in adulthood.
βͺοΈ When Belonging Becomes a Trap β Why the unmet need to belong draws you into high-control systems like cults or abusive partners.
βͺοΈ Your Inner Critic as a Scared Kid β That relentless voice in your head isnβt always bully, but a frightened part just trying to keeping you small.
βͺοΈ Parts Work for Treating Addiction β Understanding what your addiction protects you from works where logic, love, and willpower have all failed.
βͺοΈ Functional, Not Fixed β Why the goal is not to be healed or whole, but to understand your system well enough so you can exist within it peacefully.
-----------------------
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The thing you've been medicating is the same thing your parents shamed you for.
Kristen Carder is the host of the I Have ADHD podcast and a dually certified coach who's back on the pod today to take the ADHD and complex PTSD connection deeper β through the lens of your nervous system and what it actually needs to function. She talks openly about how medication wasn't fixing her, it was translating what her body had been trying to tell her all along, and how the shame she inherited about her own wiring became the hardest part to undo. This conversation is about what happens when you stop fighting how you're built and start designing a life that actually works with your nervous system instead of against it.
β¨ What this episode explores:
βͺοΈ What Medication Actually Does (And What It Doesn't) β Why medication isn't fixing you; it's translating what your nervous system's been trying to tell you all along, and why that distinction changes everything.
βͺοΈ Why You Regulate Differently Than They Do β How ADHD nervous systems need completely different things to reach calm than what every productivity expert and well-meaning friend has told you to try.
βͺοΈ The Performance Cost of Living in a Neurotypical World β Why masking your brain's actual operating system to fit someone else's expectations exhausts you faster than the ADHD itself.
βͺοΈ How ADHD and Complex PTSD Show Up Identically in Relationships β Why the way ADHD impacts intimacy, trust, and connection mirrors relational trauma responses so closely that somatic healing works for both.
βͺοΈ Why Forcing Focus Is Just Another Form of Self-Abandonment β How the constant battle to be "normal" recreates the same disconnection from yourself that traumatized nervous systems are already surviving.
Pre-order Kristen's upcoming book, You're Not in Trouble, coming October 2026.
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π§ If this episode resonated, you might also love:
Ep 110 | Childhood Trauma & ADHD w/ Kristen Carder
Ep 170 | The Intersection of Trauma, ADHD and Toxic Family Dynamics w/ Kristen Carder
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When your inner child says don't be selfish, your inner teen says we don't owe them shit, and your true self asks what we can live with.
Lisa D. Stinson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist, former Navy psychologist, and trauma specialist with over twenty years treating survivors of narcissistic family systems. She grew up the family scapegoat to a narcissistic mother and an enabling father, left home at seventeen, and has spent her life since at a deliberate distance from the people who raised her. Her newly published book, The Obligation Myth, explores the question almost no one prepares you for: what you actually owe the parent who hurt you once they're the one who needs help β and how to answer it in a way you can live with long after they're gone.
β¨ What this episode explores:
βͺοΈWhy Caregiving Reactivates Your Childhood Role β The unique challenges an aging parent triggers in the scapegoat, the invisible child, and the golden child.
βͺοΈWhen Every Part of You Wants Something Different β How to honor the conflicting voices an aging parent stirs up without letting any single one decide how you show up.
βͺοΈCompetent Caregiving Without the Emotional Investment β Why you can meet a difficult parent's practical needs without handing back the self you rebuilt.
βͺοΈWhy Going No Contact Isn't One Size Fits All β How estrangement can be permanent or something you move in and out of, and why neither is the wrong answer.
βͺοΈThe Deathbed Conversation That Backfires β Why the forgiveness or confrontation you keep rehearsing can leave you more wounded than silence would.
βͺοΈBecoming the Protector You Never Had β Why the grief of what you never got eases once you fiercely protect your younger self the way no one did back then.
Lisa's Substack
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π§ If this episode resonated, you might also love:
Ep 140 | Healing from Emotionally Immature Parents: Grief Behind Anger w/ Morgan Pommels
Ep 139 | The Power of Reparenting Your Inner Family w/ Barb Nangle
Ep 90 | Family Scapegoat Abuse w/ Rebecca Mandeville
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Your childhood taught your body that love means waiting to be left. No amount of insight changes that.
Val Rubin is a trauma-informed somatic coach and host of the Anxiety Recovery Podcast who specializes in healing the fear of abandonment through the nervous system rather than the mind β and she's speaking from the inside out. For six years she lived with chronic pain that every doctor missed, until hypnotherapy resolved it in months and set her on a path that eventually ran straight through her own trauma bond. This conversation is about what it actually takes to change when you already understand yourself.
β¨ What this episode explores:
βͺοΈ Why Your Gut Reads Danger Before Your Brain Does β How your nervous system builds a subconscious safety database in childhood that keeps running your adult relationships on autopilot.
βͺοΈ Why Unavailable People Feel Like Home β How your nervous system built its definition of love around someone who couldn't give it, and why that template outlasts every therapist you've ever had.
βͺοΈ Chronic Pain as Stored Emotion β How unprocessed emotional pain migrates into the body as physical symptoms when there's nowhere else for it to go.
βͺοΈ The Trauma Bond Withdrawal β What your nervous system goes through when you leave a toxic relationship, and why it has nothing to do with willpower.
βͺοΈ Building Secure Attachment From Within β How somatic healing retrains the nervous system to generate the sense of safety that relationships keep failing to provide.
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π§ If this episode resonated, you might also love:
Ep 130 | Addicted to Fear & Chaos: The Adult Child Inner Drug Store w/ Dr. Scott Lyons
Ep 161 | Abandonment Trauma Expert Susan Anderson on Rejection and Equating Love with Insecurity
Ep 173 | Secret Language of the Body: Somatic Healing w/ Karden Rabin
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Waiting to be chosen is the slowest way to abandon yourself.
Joe Ryan is a trauma recovery coach and host of The Joe Ryan Podcast β and today, he's speaking from the other side of the most profound grief of his life. After losing his best friend to cancer and facing his own cancer scare six weeks later, he chose to sit in the pain for a year and a half instead of running from it β and what surfaced wasn't just the grief, it was every abandonment wound underneath, including the lifelong, exhausting pattern of waiting to be chosen. This conversation is about what grief actually gives you when you stop running from it, and the moment you realize the only person you ever needed to choose you was yourself.
β¨ What this episode explores
βͺοΈ Why Grief Is the Price of Love β How the walls that protected you from being hurt are the same walls keeping out the connection you most want.
βͺοΈ The Lifelong Wait to Be Chosen β Why no amount of being picked by someone else fixes what only choosing yourself can, and what shifts when you finally stop performing for it.
βͺοΈ The Self-Abandonment Underneath the Abandonment Wound β Why the people who feel abandoned the most are often the ones abandoning themselves first, and how to recognize it in your own patterns.
βͺοΈ What Sitting in Grief Actually Looks Like β The body-level practice of staying with discomfort long enough for the rumination to quiet down and the real material underneath to surface.
βͺοΈ The Performance Mask β The shiny, no-cracks version of yourself you built so no one would see the needy little kid underneath, and what it costs to keep wearing it.
βͺοΈ Capacity Is the Whole Game β Why the work you do in the calm seasons becomes the difference between drowning and grieving when the next loss comes.
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π§ If this episode resonated, you might also love:
βͺοΈ Ep 39 β The Fear of Abandonment w/ Joe Ryan
βͺοΈ Ep 91 β Complex Trauma, Dating & Setting Boundaries w/ Joe Ryan
βͺοΈEp 204 β The Deeper Truth About Fawning: How Survival Turns Into Self-Abandonment w/ Ingrid Clayton
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What your partner does when you fall apart is what your relationship was actually built on.
Tarah and EJ Kerwin are licensed therapists, co-founders of Relationship Renovation Counseling in Tucson, and hosts of the Relationship Renovation podcast who teach what theyβve lived inside their own marriage. They met as colleagues at a treatment center, got married, had twins on their honeymoon, and spent the early years of a blended family forced to do the work they'd spent their careers teaching. But the real test came years later, when Tarah's repressed childhood trauma surfaced and they had to figure out what healing trauma in a relationship actually looks like in real time. This is a conversation about what it means to be truly supported by your partner through your darkest moments.
β¨ What this episode explores
βͺοΈ Avoidance Disguised as Calm β Why the partner who seems unflappable is often more emotionally walled off than the one openly struggling.
βͺοΈ What Real Support in a Relationship Actually Looks Like β Why healing trauma in a relationship depends less on what your partner says and more on whether they've done their own work.
βͺοΈ The Body Remembers Before the Mind Does β Why repressed childhood trauma surfaces through symptoms, startle responses, and somatic flashbacks long before it surfaces as memory.
βͺοΈ Why It Feels Safer to Hate Them Than Feel the Hurt β How judging the people who hurt you as "just bad" protects you from the shame of having needed their love.
βͺοΈ The Specific Shame Underneath Childhood Sexual Abuse β Why survivors often feel dirty, blame themselves, and brace for rejection if anyone truly sees them.
βͺοΈ Why Pressure to Heal Faster Keeps You Stuck β How a partner's expectation around intimacy, progress, or recovery can be the exact thing keeping the other person frozen.
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π§ If this episode resonated, you might also love:
βͺοΈ Ep 203 | The Nervous System Side of Attachment w/ Heidi Priebe
βͺοΈ Ep 202 | When Relationships Become Battlefields w/ Tian Dayton: Relational Triggers, Inner Child Fights & Emotional Sobriety
βͺοΈEp 161 | Abandonment Trauma Expert Susan Anderson on Rejection and Equating Love with Insecurity
βͺοΈ 204 | The Deeper Truth About Fawning: How Survival Turns Into Self-Abandonment w/ Ingrid Clayton
β β β
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Doing the work means you start picking healthier people. It doesn't mean stuff stops coming up when you do.
Patrick Teahan is a psychotherapist, childhood trauma educator, and YouTube creator. In today's conversation, he shares about how he kept trying to save his alcoholic mother through the women he dated, the relationship in his mid-twenties that surfaced wounds he thought he'd already healed, and what's still getting revealed inside his marriage decades later.
β¨ What this episode explores
βͺοΈ More Will Always Be Revealed β Why long-term relationships keep pulling up wounds you swore were worked through, and what those triggers are actually for.
βͺοΈ Chasing Unavailable People β The unconscious pattern that turns every adult relationship into another attempt to get a parent to wake up.
βͺοΈ The Therapy-Resistant Partner β What's actually happening when someone close to you keeps asking "why aren't you better yet," and the projection running in both directions.
βͺοΈ The Self-Righteousness Trigger β How childhood trauma turns every trigger into a moral failing, and the self-righteousness hiding inside legitimate pain.
βͺοΈ Why Kids Choose Self-Blame β The protective mechanism that turns toward self-blame because the alternative is unsafe for a child to hold.
βͺοΈ The Open Family Secret β What it does to a kid to grow up where everyone knows what's happening, but no one is allowed to name it.
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π§ If this episode resonated, you might also love:
βͺοΈ Ep 107 - Unfinished Business From Childhood Trauma w/ Patrick Teahan
βͺοΈ Ep 202 | When Relationships Become Battlefields w/ Tian Dayton: Relational Triggers, Inner Child Fights & Emotional Sobriety
βͺοΈEp 161 | Abandonment Trauma Expert Susan Anderson on Rejection and Equating Love with Insecurity
-----------------------
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SHITSHOW SATURDAY #118 - Sam B.
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The voice beating you up, the shame absorbing it, the part that doesn't want you to feel it β that's the triangle you're trapped in.
Jessica Fern is a certified clinical trauma therapist, David Cooley is a restorative justice practitioner, and together they co-authored Polywise. In their most recent book, Transforming the Shame Triangle, they take Karpman's classic drama triangle and flip it inward to capture the inner dynamic that keeps trauma survivors stuck. Through a parts work lens, they show how to work with the inner critic, shame, and escaper to find true healing.
β¨ What this episode explores
βͺοΈHow the Shame Triangle Starts β Why the cycle almost always kicks off with the inner critic firing first, even when what you notice is the escape behavior.
βͺοΈThe Critic That's Still in the Room β Why people with parents, partners, or bosses actively criticizing them often feel pure shame instead of a strong inner voice.
βͺοΈThe Hidden Shame of Under-Functioning β Why being the "lazy" one carries a layer of self-judgment that over-functioners never have to face
βͺοΈ The Symptoms That Aren't the Problem β Why the behaviors that get you diagnosed (perfecting, numbing, raging, zoning) are downstream of the part actually driving the cycle.
βͺοΈ Inner Critic to Inner Coach β What it actually takes to transform the voice tearing you down into something on your side
βͺοΈ Impact vs. Wrongdoing β Why telling a part of you "you wronged me" keeps the cycle alive, and the restorative justice reframe that breaks it.
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π§ If this episode resonated, you might also love:
βͺοΈ Ep 101 | The Neuroscience of Toxic Shame w/ Robyn Gobbel
βͺοΈ Ep 137 | Healing The Inner Child Through Parts Work w/ Michelle Chalfant
βͺοΈ Ep 215 | Repeat or Recover w/ Dr. Tian Dayton: The Cost of Relational Trauma
-----------------------
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The most painful rock bottoms don't come from a relationship with a substance. They come from a relationship with a person.
David Deane Haskel is an author of several fiction books, with his most recent being the memoir Wounded Angels. After losing his mother to suicide at the age of four, he spent the rest of his childhood navigating chaos at home and at school, while never feeling like he fit in. After finally finding sobriety, it was a codependent relationship that took him to new depths of pain and allowed him to embark on a journey to heal his unresolved trauma.
β¨ What this episode explores
βͺοΈ Hitting a Codependency Bottom β Why a codependent relationship hijacks the nervous system like a substance
βͺοΈ Why Trauma Surfaces in Sobriety β Why most addictions function as a way to regulate unresolved trauma, and why removing the substance forces that trauma to the surface.
βͺοΈ The Narcissistic Discard β Why a sudden, unilateral cutoff by someone you trusted reactivates the original abandonment wound in ways no other rupture can.
βͺοΈ The Unique Attachment Wound of Losing a Parent in Childhood β How losing a parent to death or childhood in childhood creates an imprint no other loss does
βͺοΈ The Repetition Compulsion of the Scapegoat β How scapegoats keep recreating the family system they grew up in by choosing partners who avoid accountability.
βͺοΈ The Childhood Origins of Shame Attacks β How a single moment of overwhelming shame can lock the body into the same response for decades.
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π§ If this episode resonated, you might also love:
βͺοΈ 201: Trauma-Bonded No More β My Journey Through Shame, Regression & Finding My Way Back
βͺοΈEp 56 β The Truth About Codependency: Itβs Not Empathy, Itβs Survival w/ Dr. Sarah Michaud
βͺοΈEp 158 - Stop People-Pleasing & Find Your Power w/ Hailey Magee
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