Afleveringen
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What are some of the practical life skills parents can help their teens develop as they anticipate leaving home for the first time? Dennis and Barbara Rainey answer that question in this podcast episode.
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How Empty is Your Nest? (Part 1) - Mixed Feelings Stirred Up by the Empty Nest
How Empty is Your Nest? (Part 2) - Changing RelationshipsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.
Mixed Feelings Stirred up by the Empty Nest
Guests: Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates
From the series: How Empty Is Your Nest? (Day 1 of 2)
Air date: August 1, 2016
Bob: There was a moment in Susan Yates’ life when, as she looked at her empty nest, she started to think, “What’s my purpose anymore?”
Susan: I remember the day after Libby’s wedding—she was the last to marry—going up to the girls’ room that they’d grown up in / that they had shared their whole life. As I stood in the room, I looked around at the walls, and there were lines where the pictures had hung. There were pieces of little scraps of paper and, as I looked at these bare walls, I noticed that the closet door was ajar.
On the floor of the closet I saw a rumpled, old, blue prom dress. It seemed out of place—it was all alone / it was not needed any more. It, in a way, was out of style. As I looked at that prom dress, I thought, “That’s just how I feel.”
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Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, August 1st. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We’ll look today at the realities that begin to set in as the nest starts to empty out. Stay tuned.
And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. I’m just sitting here, doing the math. What’s it been? It’s been more than a decade, now, since you guys became empty nesters?
Barbara: That’s right. [Laughter] Are you going to—
Bob: Are you still trying to figure it out? [Laughter] You’re kind of silent there!
Dennis: I told you—
Barbara: I guess I’m a little slow on the math. [Laughter]
Dennis: No; that’s not so. No; I’m just trying to realize when it was when you and I finally determined we were empty nesters. [Laughter]
Bob: So there was this process, you’re saying?
Dennis: I think there was. I think it took us two or three years to come out of—how many years of childbearing and child rearing?
Barbara: I don’t know—a lot.
Dennis: Twenty-eight, I think.
Barbara: I think so.
Dennis: I think over twenty-eight years.
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Barbara: I think so. It doesn’t happen automatically.
Dennis: No; I mean, it was—
Barbara: It was a transition.
Dennis: It was all “Hands on deck!” raising children. It took us awhile to get out of the mindset and to finally realize: “You know what? We can kind of enjoy each other now and focus on one another.” It hadn’t been that we weren’t doing that before; but when you’re tending to children, there’s no question—they drain you.
Bob: Our listeners are obviously aware that your wife, Barbara Rainey, is joining us today. Good to have you here.
Barbara: Thank you, Bob.
Bob: We are going to be hearing a message that you and your friend, Susan Yates, did, talking about empty nest issues. But I need to start by saying we got a very nice note from one of our FamilyLife Today donors, who wrote to say: “I’ve been reading Barbara’s empty nest book. I was encouraged to hear about your daughter, who rebelled, to find out that we are not alone. Barbara is so right—we just need to choose our words carefully and to pray, pray, pray. God is faithful and He cares about our children more than we do. Thank you.”
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I imagine you’ve heard from a lot of folks, who have read the book, who have written you personally to say, “Thanks for capturing in this book what we’ve been living through and couldn’t put words to.”
Barbara: Yes; we’ve had great feedback from women who’ve read the book because they understand, by reading it, that we get it—because we’ve been there and we’ve felt those things—and we’re trying to help them know that they’re not alone.
Dennis: When Barbara and Susan wrote the book, they didn’t offer a “pie in the sky” type of picture of the empty nest. They painted it—flaws, blemishes, warts, and all—because it’s a process that isn’t necessarily neat and tidy as you raise children who become adults.
What this lady is referring to there, Bob, is—she just appreciates somebody being authentic and real. I just want to say to this donor / this partner in ministry:
“Thank you for being a part of this ministry.” You know, I was thinking, when you read that Bob—that David, when he went to war, had his mighty men.Bob: Right.
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Dennis: Well, we have a group that supports this broadcast and the ministries of FamilyLife. They’re not just mighty men—they’re mighty men and mighty women.
Barbara: Yes.
Dennis: And they’re mighty because they care about, I believe, the oldest institution in the world / the most powerful institution in the world. They’re investing in a ministry that’s bringing good to marriages and families and bringing hope to people in a culture that, frankly, is trying to undermine and do evil to families. I just want to say, “Thanks,” to those of you who are donors to FamilyLife—you’re needed, you’re appreciated, and God bless you and your legacy.
Bob: Yes; I agree—“Thanks.”
Barbara, you and your co-author, Susan Yates, had an opportunity to speak to a number of women—I think it was in Dallas; right?
Barbara: That’s right.
Bob: You spoke on the subject of the empty nest. This was a number of months ago, but we’re going to give our listeners an opportunity to hear what you and Susan shared with those women.
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We’ll just dive right in. Here are Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates, talking about the issues women face as they face the empty nest.
[Recording]
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How Empty is Your Nest? (Part 1) - Mixed Feelings Stirred Up by the Empty Nest
How Empty is Your Nest? (Part 2) - Changing Relationships
FamilyLife Today® Radio TranscriptReferences to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.
Changing Relationships
Guests: Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates
From the series: How Empty Is Your Nest? (Day 2 of 2)
Air date: August 2, 2016
Bob: If you work for Hallmark, keep listening. Susan Yates may have a suggestion for you here on a whole new line of party invitations.
Susan: I would like to know, with a show of hands, how many of you have ever been to a party to celebrate the beginning of the empty nest? [Laughter] One, two—
Barbara: Three.
Susan: —four—oh, yay! [Laughter] Good for you all! You may be on the cutting age of a new movement in America. [Laughter] We hope so because we feel like this is a season, not to be dreaded, but to be celebrated—and oh, how we need to celebrate in the seriousness of life today.
[Segment of I Just Want to Celebrate]
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Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, August 2nd. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I’m Bob Lepine. I don’t know who’s version of Celebrate that was—was that Rare Earth?—I think it was; yes. Celebrating the empty nest may sound like a paradox / a contradiction in terms, but it’s actually not. You can do it! We’ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.
And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. You said it was a while before it dawned on you that the empty nest had finally arrived.
Dennis: Yes.
Bob: But I mean, you knew—
Dennis: I really had all these grand plans of how I thought we would—
Barbara: Yes; he did. [Laughter]
Dennis: —disengage from being parents. We would flip a switch—in true male-style—
Bob: Yes.
Barbara: He did.
Dennis: —and we’d just be driving off into the sunset in a convertible, laughing and having fun.
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Bob: And the switch didn’t flip? Is that what you are saying? [Laughter]
Dennis: Oh, my goodness! [Laughter] The switch may have ground its way to the other side—it took a couple of years, Bob.
Bob: Barbara, let me ask you—and by the way, welcome back to FamilyLife Today.
Barbara: Thanks.
Bob: If you could have flipped the switch, do you think Dennis could have flipped the switch?
Barbara: Oh, yes.
Bob: So he was ready. He didn’t have the emotional processing moving into the empty nest that you did?
Barbara: Well, he had more than I expected. I was kind of surprised because every once in a while he would walk through the house or walk around the backyard and go, “Gosh, I really miss those years with the kids.” It would surprise me because I didn’t really expect him to feel those things that I was feeling. I knew I would, but I didn’t expect him to do so.
Dennis: I’d come home from work and the car would be surrounded, like it was being invaded by a group of—
Barbara: Yes, all those years our kids were home.
Dennis: Yes—bandits. All of a sudden, you pull up in front of the house and—
Barbara: Sometimes, nobody is there because I wasn’t always there. [Laughter]
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Dennis: —there is nothing happening!
Barbara: I didn’t have to be home—it was great!
Bob: I remember you talking—you’d come into the office. The way you described it—you said, “There’s no tension against the muscle,”—this muscle you’ve been working out with for 20-plus years.
Dennis: Oh, yes. It’s called the Daddy Muscle. I mean, you’ve had to be a daddy—now, I’m still a dad / I have adult children—you know, you go home, you leave work, you pull up in front of the house, and you get ready for your second job—being a husband and being a father. Well, all of a sudden, the father-thing is out of there—I mean no tension against the muscle.
Bob: You [Barbara] spent the first part of the empty nest years together with your friend, Susan Yates, who is a pastor’s wife—lives in the Washington, DC, area.
The two of you collaborated on a book called Barbara and Susan’s Guide to the Empty Nest. Then, you’ve had the opportunity, in a number of settings, to speak to women on this subject. You were at Park Cities Presbyterian Church in Dallas, a while back, and spoke to a group of women.
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You outlined the key questions that women ask themselves during the empty nest years. Already, this week, we have heard you address two of those. Refresh us on what those were.
Barbara: The first two questions are: “Am I the only one who feels this way?” The empty nest can be a very lonely time for women, and you are feeling things you didn’t expect to feel— and, maybe, some of them that you did. There is a real isolation factor in the empty nest. So I think most women are asking the question, “Am I the only one who feels this way?”
Dennis: It is back to what Susan said at the beginning of the broadcast—there aren’t celebration parties, announcing to the world: “I’m now transitioning into this new calling and season of life.”
Barbara: Exactly. The second question is: “What is happening to my relationships?” because you kind of look at each other—the kids are not there—and you think: “Okay; who are you and who am I? What is our relationship like?” You realize that you need to, perhaps, do some renegotiating and...
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Three Essentials For Every Married Woman (Part 1) - Priorities of a Christian Woman
Three Essentials For Every Married Woman (Part 2) - Being a World-ChangerFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.
Priorities of a Christian Woman
Guest: Barbara Rainey
From the series: Three Essentials for Every Married Woman (Day 1 of 2)
Air date: September 1, 2014
Bob: Want to do something that would really help your husband today? Here’s counsel from Barbara Rainey.
Barbara: One of the great callings of wives is to intercede and pray for our husbands. When we pray for our husbands, and for all that they’re facing and all that God has called them to do, we are imitating what the Holy Spirit does for us in our lives. It’s how we can help our husbands. It’s one of the greatest gifts we can give them in our role as helper.
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, September 1st. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I’m Bob Lepine. We’re going to hear today about a number of ways wives can lovingly support their husbands. Stay tuned.
And welcome to FamilyLife Today.
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Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. Whenever we are with a group of couples—in just about any setting we’ve ever been in—the women in that group are always wishing that they could get a little extra time with your wife.
Dennis: I do too! [Laughter]
Bob: Well, you’ve got her all the time! But these women really look forward—
Dennis: Oh, yeah.
Bob: —to getting some mentoring / some coaching.
Dennis: My wife has good economy of words. You know, there are some people who talk a lot and don’t say much.
Bob: And only say a little.
Dennis: She doesn’t use a whole lot of words, and she gets a lot said. I think because of her stage in life and because of, frankly, some of the hardship we’ve endured—as a couple, as parents, and as a family—I think she’s got a lot to say. It’s not all out of our success. It’s not all out of some cookie-cutter perfect home.
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But it’s out of a biblical grid from a woman who’s walked with Christ for, well, almost 40 years, and been obedient in following Him—not perfectly, again—but she does have a lot to say.
Bob: And some of our listeners have had the opportunity to hear Barbara speak at one of our Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways. In fact, I wanted to mention, Dennis—that this week and next week—we’re kind of kicking off our fall season for the Weekend to Remember. We have 14 events coming up this fall. We’d like to encourage our listeners to attend one of those events—in Florida, or in Texas, or in California, or in Missouri, or in Tennessee, or Colorado, South Dakota, Iowa, Idaho. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says, “GO DEEPER.” You’ll find a list of dates and locations for the upcoming Weekend to Remember getaways this fall.
And this week and next week, we’re making a special offer to FamilyLife Today listeners.
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You can sign up for one of these events. When you pay the regular price for your admission, your spouse comes free. It’s a buy one/get one free opportunity for the Weekend to Remember. And by the way, it’s good for events this fall; or if you want to go ahead and schedule your Weekend to Remember getaway for the spring, you can do that as well.
Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, “GO DEEPER.” Find out more about the Weekend to Remember marriage getaways in the fall of 2014 and in the spring of 2015—plan to join us at a Weekend to Remember marriage getaway so that you can get a weekend of refreshment / some time together and some biblical coaching on how to have a strong, healthy marriage relationship.
And that’s really part of what we are going to get today as we hear a message from Barbara Rainey—a message that she calls “Three Essentials for Every Married Woman.” And, quickly, here’s the outline: A married woman needs to be a woman of the Word, she needs to be a husband-helper, and she needs to be a world-changer.
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[Recorded Message]
Barbara: Good morning! I’ve realized that one of the advantages of being in the season of life that I’m in is I have a little more time to reflect, and to think, and to look back on my life and to just look at it from a big picture. I think when I was raising my kids I was so swamped in the daily-ness that I couldn’t ever pull back enough to look at the big picture.
As I’ve done that, one of the things that I have realized that is true for me—and I think it is true for most women—I think that there are three things that are just essential for every married woman, no matter what your age is—if you’re just starting out, if you’ve got teenagers, or if you’re in the empty nest and you’ve got grandkids all over the country, like we do.
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I just think there are some things that are universal—that are common to all of us / that are needed by all of us—and those are the three things that I want to share with you this morning. Then, hopefully, we’ll have some time for questions in the end. So, I’m going to share three essentials / three priorities—whatever you might want to call them—for every married woman.
The first one is that I’m really convinced—and more so with each year—of the importance of us, as women, of being in God’s Word. I remember—when I was raising kids, how hard that was for me. It was one of those things that I felt a great sense of failure over, for many years, in my life because I had this ideal and I had this goal of spending time in God’s Word on a regular basis. I felt very frustrated and very defeated much of the time because my kids interrupted me. Or I’d get up early in the morning, and they’d get up before I would. Or I’d try to do it during naptime, and somebody wouldn’t go to sleep like they were supposed to. Or somebody would be sick, or I’d be so tired I couldn’t focus and continue a train of thought in prayer.
6:00
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Three Essentials For Every Married Woman (Part 1) - Priorities of a Christian Woman
Three Essentials For Every Married Woman (Part 2) - Being a World-ChangerFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete
Being a World-Changer
Guest: Barbara Rainey
From the series: Three Essentials for Every Married Woman (Day 2 of 2)
Air date: September 2, 2014
Bob: The kind of woman God uses in her home and in her world is a woman who has dug down deep in His Word. Here’s Barbara Rainey.
Barbara: “Wimpy theology makes wimpy women.” [John Piper]—because—if we really aren’t in God’s Word, then we just have second-hand information. We’re living on somebody else’s insight or somebody else’s discovery. That makes for wimpy theology. It makes for a wimpy woman too.
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, November 20th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I’m Bob Lepine. A wise woman knows that the foundation of her relationship with her husband is, first and foremost, found in a strong relationship with God. Stay tuned.
1:00
And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. You looked tired when you came in today. Was it because of dinner last night? [Laughter]
Dennis: You saying that dinner wore me out? What are you saying?
Bob: You were just—as you were—
Dennis: I slept well.
Bob: As you recounted to me, you said that you had a meal with your wife and that she was—you were pretty worn out by the time it was over.
Dennis: I did not say— [Laughter] Barbara, if you’re listening to this, I want you to know I did not say that!
Bob: Okay, that’s true. You did not say that.
Dennis: Bob is construing—I actually said: “Last night, over dinner, Barbara was talking about all the stuff she wants to do and be a part of. She was dreaming and thinking and had a list of 12 projects she wanted to accomplish—
Bob: Here’s what you really said. You said she talked for an hour before you got a word in edgewise. [Laughter]
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Dennis: I did not!
Bob: That’s exactly what you said! [Laughter]
Dennis: I did not say that. [Laughter] I enjoy talking to her. In fact, I said this to her. I said, “You know, in our relationship, you have become the extrovert; and I am becoming an introvert.” She said: “No, no, no. Don’t you give me that! You are not an introvert!” And she’s right. I’m not an introvert. But I do enjoy listening to her because she’s energized, she’s excited, she’s got her head up—she’s looking to the horizon with ideas for the future.
Bob: In fact, if folks are interested in looking at what Barbara has been working on in recent days, they can go to FamilyLife.com and click at the top of the page where it says, “GO DEEPER.” There is a link there for the Ever Thine Home® resources—the complete line of resources that Barbara Rainey has been working on over the last couple of years now—great collection of discipleship resources that look beautiful in your home. That’s how I would describe Barbara’s line. Again, find out more—go to FamilyLifeToday.com.
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Click the link that says, “GO DEEPER,” and then the link for Ever Thine Home. Take a look at what Barbara has been up to over the past couple of years.
Let me also mention, while you are on our website—this week and next week—we’re making a special offer available to FamilyLife Today listeners who would like to attend an upcoming Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway. We’ve got 14 getaways happening this fall in some pretty nice locations—Monterey Bay, California; Estes Park, Colorado; San Diego—there’s going to be one in Fort Myers, Florida; and in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho—some great locations for the upcoming Weekend to Remember season.
If you and your spouse would like to attend one of these upcoming getaways—if you sign up this week or next week—you pay the regular rate for yourself, and your spouse comes free. It’s a buy one/get one free opportunity for Weekend to Remember marriage getaways this fall or for next spring. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the link that says, ‘GO DEEPER.”
4:00
The information about the Weekend to Remember is available there—find out dates and locations. Again, when you register online, you pay the regular rate for yourself and your spouse comes free. Take advantage of that opportunity. Plan to get away for a weekend together, as a couple, at one of our Weekend to Remember marriage getaways.
Alright, we’re going to listen to Part Two of a message now from Barbara Rainey about what she calls the essentials—the “Three Essentials for Every Married Woman.” She has already said, this week, that a woman needs to be a woman of the Word, and she needs to be a husband-helper. Today, we’re going to hear her thoughts on how a woman can become a world-changer.
[Recorded Message]
Barbara: And then the third thing I want to challenge you with—that I think is, again, a truth for all women of all seasons / of all generations—and that one is to be a world-changer. All of us, as women, need to see ourselves as being world-changers.
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No matter where you are / no matter what your age, the Christian life is permeated with purpose. Jesus rescued us from meaninglessness / from futility to give us a life of great purpose and great calling. He didn’t just save us so we could be happy and have sweet little families with perfect little children. He saved us for a purpose, and for a calling, and for a mission, and for a ministry.
Ephesians 2:10 says, “We are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which He prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” That means—for every single woman in this room, God has works prepared beforehand for you to walk in just as He does for me. We need to find out what those are and walk in them.
There are two categories of women who are world-changers. The first one is for those of you who still have children at home and are still raising children.
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I want to say to you, who are still parenting, that: “Mothers are the bigge...
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Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the series
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 1)
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 2) - Building Up Your Man
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 3) - Praising the Positive
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 4) - Embracing the Differences
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 5) - Leaning on God
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 6) - Being His Helper
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 7) - Facing the StormsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.
The Art of Being a Wife
Guest: Barbara Rainey
From the series: The Art of Being a Wife (Day 1 of 1)
Air date: October 20, 2016
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Bob: In the Book of James, the Bible says we are to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” Barbara Rainey says she doesn’t see that being lived out today in a lot of marriages.
Barbara: We are so quick, as women, to say exactly what we think / exactly how we feel without much regard for how that impacts him—or other people, for that matter. We have a really high value in our culture today on being truthful / on saying what we think; but we don’t have an equally high value on saying it in love. It affects our marriages. We all say things in our marriages that we probably shouldn’t say.
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, October 20th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Would your marriage be different / be better if you slowed down and didn’t speak as thoughtlessly as you sometimes do?
1:00
We’re going to hear from Barbara Rainey on that today. Stay with us.
And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. Most of the time, I am glad our program is radio and not television. That way I can wear pajamas to the studio if I want to and nobody knows what I’m—
Dennis: You have never done that. [Laughter]
Barbara: Except all of us in the studio would know! [Laughter]
Dennis: Twenty-four years—
Barbara: You should try it sometime! [Laughter]
Bob: Well, I’d have to go buy a pair of pajamas first before I did that.
Barbara: Oh! [Laughter]
Bob: But, there are days when you think the visual would be helpful. Actually, what we’re going to hear today—
Dennis: Of you and your pajamas? I’m not getting beyond that.
2:00
Bob: No, not that visual. There’s a different visual here. It involves your wife, who is joining us again. Welcome back to FamilyLife Today, Barbara.
Barbara: Thanks, Bob.
Bob: You had an opportunity, not long ago, to speak to a group of wives and moms. You were talking from the book you’ve written, Letters to My Daughters. You did something unique as you began this message that we really can’t—we can’t show it on radio the way we wish we could.
Barbara: I wish we could show it. It actually was quite fun. What we did is—I set up an artist easel on the stage, with a large canvas. I had two wooden palettes. I invited a woman to help me do this—someone whom I had never met before / someone who has an interest in art. So, I wasn’t asking someone to do something that would be totally foreign to her. But nonetheless, we didn’t really talk this through ahead of time. On this easel—I did tell her ahead of time, “Here’s what I want us to do—you and I are going to paint something.”
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We had the easel turned away from the audience so they couldn’t see it.
I told the audience that each of us had a palette in our hands, with different colors. She had five colors and I had five colors. We had two that were the same, but the other four were each different. That was to illustrate for the audience that a husband has responsibilities in marriage that are different than a wife, and a wife has responsibilities that are different than the husband. Both of us are commanded to love—that was the color we had in common. In that illustration, the love was the color white—we both had the color white.
We went to work painting, much like you do in a marriage. I didn’t know her very well, and she didn’t know me. That’s very much like a marriage when it begins. We think we know each other, but we don’t know each other at all.
Dennis: And so, I’m wondering if you whispered to her what you were going to paint?
Barbara: No—well, I did tell her what shape I wanted us to paint, but I was not talking to her as we painted. I was talking to the audience, and I was explaining, “One of the colors on my husband’s palette is, ‘Live with your wife in an understanding way.’
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“He’s been commanded to do that, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not supposed to be understanding of him.”
As this woman and I painted this image on this canvas, I was explaining that principle. I reached over and I got some of her yellow off of her palette, and I put some yellow on my half of the painting. For about ten minutes we worked on this painting. It was a painting of a heart—she did one half and I did one half—and they were very different. Yet, there were some similarities between them; because we were both painting the same picture. Then, when we finished, we turned it around and showed the audience.
The whole idea was to help create a visual so women could see that God’s idea for marriage was to create a masterpiece—to create a painting that was unique from every other couple’s painting on the planet. The painting that Dennis and I create in our marriage is going to very different than the painting you [Bob] and Mary Ann create.
5:00
Bob: So that opening illustration—quite literally an illustration—set up the rest of what you wanted to talk about. That’s what our listeners are going to get a...
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Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the series
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 1)
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 2) - Building Up Your Man
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 3) - Praising the Positive
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 4) - Embracing the Differences
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 5) - Leaning on God
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 6) - Being His Helper
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 7) - Facing the StormsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.
Building up Your Man
Guest: Barbara Rainey
From the series: Letters to My Daughters (Day 1 of 2)
Air date: May 31, 2018
Bob: See if you can spot where the challenge is here. You’re a wife and a mom who wants things to go right. Marriage and family is messy, and your husband isn’t perfect. You see how that can be a problem? Here’s Barbara Rainey.
Barbara: One of the things that is true about us, as women—I had a conversation with my daughter just yesterday on the phone about this—is that it’s so easy for us, because of our emotional makeup, to get very overwhelmed by the circumstances of life. A woman, who is married and is discouraged by her relationship with her husband—she can get so overwhelmed to the point where she just doesn’t see clearly.
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, May 31st. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I’m Bob Lepine. What do you do, as a wife, when you get overwhelmed / when you’re discouraged by all that’s going on? How do you deal with that? We’re going to talk about that today with Barbara Rainey. Stay with us.
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And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. We’re diving back into a rich field of ore today. I mean, there is some good stuff that we’re going to be digging into.
Dennis: We have some pretty fair guests on FamilyLife Today from time to time.
Bob: We do; yes.
Dennis: Max Lucado, Tony Evans, Crawford Loritts, Mary Kassian, Nancy Leigh DeMoss Wolgemuth—a lot of, really, pretty fair country guests.
Bob: Pretty good communicators with some pretty good biblical knowledge.
Dennis: Yes; this one is a cut above.
Bob: Somebody who is—
Dennis: —just a cut above.
Bob: —kind of your favorite?
Dennis: Definitely my favorite—my bride of 43 years. Sweetheart, welcome back.
Barbara: I don’t know if I can live up to all of that! [Laughter]
2:00
Dennis: That’s pretty strong; wasn’t it?
Barbara: Very strong!
Dennis: Well, our listeners love you. We were with some friends, here this past weekend, and ran into a number of listeners. They came up and talked to Barbara about her books and Ever Thine Home®—all the resources she’s creating for wives, and moms, and women to be able to display their faith in their homes. It was kind of fun to watch them come out of the woodwork—out of a large gathering of people—come by and say, “Hi,” to Barbara and say, “I appreciate you.”
Bob: Well, and a lot of buzz around your new book—it’s called Letters to My Daughters. This really didn’t start as a book; did it?
Barbara: It absolutely didn’t. When our oldest son was engaged to be married, his fiancée came to me and said, “You know, I would really love to hear some encouragement from you about being a wife.” And I thought, “Wow!”
Bob: She just opened the door; didn’t she?
Barbara: I know. I thought: “Wow. If she opened the door, then I’m going to gently and cautiously walk through that door.”
3:00
I wasn’t sure exactly how to go about doing it, because we all lived in different places. It wasn’t possible to take her out for coffee and have a conversation. I decided I would start writing some letters just to share some of the lessons that I had learned over the years in being a wife—just by way of encouragement—and “Here are some things that I learned, and maybe this will help you.”
Bob: Did you write them, one on one, to her; or did you copy everybody else when you started?
Barbara: I copied all three married girls: our oldest Ashley, who was already married; and then our son, Samuel, had married the same summer. It went to three married girls.
Bob: Then you expanded it out as this snowballed and continued?
Barbara: We traded about—I sent—I’ll rephrase that—I sent about a dozen emails total. You know, I don’t know how much of it was that they didn’t know me that well; so there wasn’t a lot of response, which I understood.
4:00
I mean, you know, we’re talking about subjects about marriage; and this is your mother-in-law. What do you say?
Bob: Yes.
Barbara: I didn’t get much feedback, so they kind of dried up.
Then, when our daughter, Rebecca, got married in 2005, I went and dug them all out and sent them to her sort of as a batch—a couple of them at a time—and then, that really was the end of it after that—an email version.
Dennis: I think what’s interesting about this is the whole idea came from a couple of sources. One was a book that was famous and very popular, back when Barbara and I were college students, by Charlie Shed.
Bob: Yes?
Dennis: It was called Letters to Karen. It wasn’t Letters to My Daughter. It was—although—was Karen his daughter?
Barbara: Karen was his daughter.
Bob:
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Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the series
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 1)
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 2) - Building Up Your Man
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 3) - Praising the Positive
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 4) - Embracing the Differences
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 5) - Leaning on God
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 6) - Being His Helper
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 7) - Facing the StormsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
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Praising the Positive
Guest: Barbara Rainey
From the series: Letters to My Daughters (Day 2 of 2)
Air date: June 1, 2018
Bob: Barbara Rainey has some advice for wives. She says, when you’re husband messes up—and by the way, he will—when it happens, how you respond may determine whether he learns anything from his mistake or not.
Barbara: If you rail on him, and if you criticize him, and you tell him how stupid it was that he made that decision, he may not learn the lesson that God wanted for him; and he may have to repeat it again. The best thing that a wife can do is trust God, even when it’s hard, and ask God to use it for good in their life and that God would use it to grow him in that area, where he just blew it royally.
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, June 1st. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I’m Bob Lepine. The words you say, as a wife, have profound power in your marriage. We’ll examine that subject with Barbara Rainey today. Stay with us.
1:00
And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. Have you ever stopped to ponder who you would be: (A) if you had been single all your life or (B) if you’d married somebody other than Barbara?
Dennis: Yes; I guess I have because I tried to marry a young lady from SMU before Barbara and I started dating.
Bob: You proposed?
Dennis: She didn’t want to marry me. No; no—it wasn’t at that point.
Bob: It was clear enough that you didn’t—
Dennis: But there was a DTR—a “define the relationship.”
Bob: Yes.
Dennis: How she defined it and how I defined it [Laughter]: “Thumbs down, baby!”
Bob: Okay.
Dennis: “Thumbs down!! You’re out of here!” [Laughter]
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It was good because—yes; it was okay, because I wasn’t in search of a myth. I wanted a real relationship with a real person.
Back to the previous part of the question, though, Bob: “Have I ever thought about who I would be if I hadn’t married Barbara and was single?” I have. I don’t visit that picture very often, because that’s a horror film. [Laughter]
Bob: Pretty ugly? [Laughter]
Dennis: She laughed—she’s laughing real hard, because she knows what happened behind the curtain. [Laughter]
Bob: Are you saying, “Amen,” to that? Is that what that laughter—
Barbara: No; I just think that’s funny that you said it would be a horror film, because I don’t think it would be that bad.
Dennis: Well, I don’t know what you would compare marriage to—that teaches you how to love, that instructs you in how to sacrifice for another person, to care for, to cherish, to nourish, and to call you away from yourself, and force—
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—I mean, if you’re going to do marriage God’s way, it is the greatest discipleship tool that has ever been created in the history of the universe!
Bob: Yes.
Dennis: It demands that both a husband and a wife pick up their cross, follow Christ, deny themselves, and ask God, “Okay; God, what do You want me to do in this set of circumstances?”
Bob: And that’s true. It works both ways—for husbands and wives—but our focus this week is on the responsibility a wife has—the privilege she has / the assignment she has—from God to be the helper that He’s created her to be.
Barbara, we’re talking about some of the themes that are found in your book, Letters to My Daughters. Some women recoil at the idea that they’re called to be helpers. It sounds demeaning to them. Your book affirms that it’s a noble thing that God is calling wives to.
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Barbara: It is a very noble assignment that God has given us. It’s equally noble, I think, to the calling that God has put on a man’s life too. What makes it even better is that, together, marriage is a high and holy calling—it says that in Scripture. It also says that it’s a mystery. I think that’s the part that we wish God hadn’t said about it, because it would be nice if it was a little bit more black and white / more obvious.
But God says it is a mystery. God is an artist / God is an author—God didn’t make robots. So figuring this out—this uniqueness / this relationship that Dennis and I have that’s unlike anybody else’s relationship on the planet—just as your marriage with Mary Ann is unlike anybody else’s on the planet—the ingenuity of God to create these little duos all over the planet that represent Him / that are a picture of Christ and the Church—all of that mystery is profound and baffling.
We wish sometimes that marriage was a whole lot easier, but it illustrates that it is a very high and noble calling.
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We think it is drudgery / we think it’s dispensable—and it’s not.
Dennis: Yes; in the book that Barbara has written, called Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife, you quote Mike Mason. Speaking of mysteries, he wrote a book called The Mystery of Marriage. This comes from that book—he says...
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Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the series
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 1)
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 2) - Building Up Your Man
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 3) - Praising the Positive
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 4) - Embracing the Differences
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 5) - Leaning on God
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 6) - Being His Helper
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 7) - Facing the StormsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
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Embracing the Differences
Guest: Barbara Rainey
From the series: Letters to My Daughters (Day 1 of 3)
Air date: February 15, 2016
Bob: Engaged couples often look at one another and think, “We’re so much alike!” Then, after they have been married for a little while, they look at each other and think, “Who are you?!” Here’s Barbara Rainey.
Barbara: What happens when we’re engaged—we tend to think: “Oh, we’re so much alike. We love each other so much—we’ll never have clashes.” I think one of the first difficulties for most young couples is they’re caught off guard by these differences. They don’t know what to do with them—they go from being cute and attractive to being downright ugly or frustrating. All of a sudden, what was cute isn’t so cute anymore; and you think, “Now what do I do?”
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, February 15th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I’m Bob Lepine. So what advice would you give to young wives and their husbands about the adjustments we make in marriage? We’re going to hear what Barbara Rainey has to say about that today. Stay with us.
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And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. I am really enjoying learning lots of new things about you, Barbara.
Dennis: You’re eavesdropping.
Bob: Well, it’s legitimate eavesdropping because of what your wife’s been writing about. This has been so much fun to read. [Laughter]
Dennis: I think I want to welcome her to FamilyLife Today—Sweetheart.
Barbara: Maybe we don’t; huh? [Laughter]
Dennis: This is my bride, and she has plenty of stories to tell.
Bob: And she has just recently—by the way, welcome, Barbara—nice to have you here.
Barbara: Thank you, Bob.
Bob: You’ve been collecting these stories, not to share with the world your stories, but really to mentor—you’ve become an e-mentor; haven’t you?
Barbara: Yes. I’m really writing this for six women / six young women, who happen to be my four daughters and two daughters-in-law—to share with them the lessons that I’ve learned over all these years of marriage in hopes that it will encourage them, and give them hope, and help them—help them persevere for the long haul.
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Dennis: But it actually started—back to Bob’s point about—from an e-mentoring standpoint—really started on the internet—
Barbara: It did. That’s right; I had forgotten.
Dennis: —as you were writing emails to your daughters and daughters-in-law so that you’d be able to coach them / encourage them in the process.
Bob: Did you start doing this right after Ashley got married?
Barbara: No; actually, it was after our two boys got married. They got married the same summer—the summer of 2001. One of those two girls asked me if I would give her some advice on being a wife. I thought: “Wow! She really wants my advice?” I thought, “If she cracked the door open a little bit, I’m going to just walk right on through while the door’s open!” I said, “Sure, I’d love to!”
I began writing a series of letters in the fall of 2001 to my two brand-new daughters-in-law and to my daughter, Ashley, who, by then, had been married four years.
Bob: A lot of—a wife will hear you say that and they’ll think, ““Boy, if somebody asked me, I wouldn’t know where to start or what to say.”
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But it sounds like you were ready to dive right in with wisdom.
Barbara: Well, I don’t know that I would say it that way, but I was ready to dive in—in the sense that I felt like, “Now was the time,” because all new brides are extremely teachable—they’re eager, they want to learn, they want to do it right, they don’t want to make mistakes—they really love this guy they just married. They’re most teachable and most coachable in those early years. I wanted to begin by sort of exploiting that—in a sense, in a good way—by saying: “Here are some things that I learned / here are some lessons I learned along the way. Here are some stories of what we went through / what I’ve learned from it. Perhaps, it will be helpful.”
Dennis: Over the years, we’ve—who knows how many hundreds of Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways have been held by FamilyLife—we’ve looked into the eyes of those in attendance.
4:00
It does seem that the engaged couples and the newly-marrieds are, not only on a steep learning curve, but they’re much more teachable and kind of spongy in terms of soaking in the truth.
What we wanted to do—and what I encouraged Barbara to do with this book—is take advantage of a window into the soul to speak a lot of relevant truth that she’s learned, as a woman from the Scriptures and from other older women who have coached her, and really help these young wives get started on the right trajectory.
Bob: They didn’t ask you about a specific subject. They just said, “Help me be a wife.” How did you know, “Okay; I’ll start here”?
Barbara: Well, what I did is—I just thought back to those early days in our marriage and tried to remember: “What were the lessons that I learned? What did I do r...
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Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the series
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 1)
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 2) - Building Up Your Man
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 3) - Praising the Positive
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 4) - Embracing the Differences
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 5) - Leaning on God
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 6) - Being His Helper
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 7) - Facing the StormsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
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Leaning on God
Guest: Barbara Rainey
From the series: Letters to My Daughters (Day 2 of 3)
Air date: February 16, 2016
Bob: Barbara Rainey says there’s a lesson that every couple needs to learn really early in their marriage. The lesson is this: “You can’t do this on your own.”
Barbara: The bottom line is going to be the same for the rest of your life; and that is, when God brings you to a place that you realize you cannot do this thing called marriage, you can’t do this thing called mothering, you can’t even do the Christian life on your own—that you come to Him and you say: “I give up. I surrender—Your will, not mine.”
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, February 16th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We’ll find out today just how important it is to have a spiritual foundation poured in your marriage if you’re going to try to build a home on top of it. Stay tuned.
And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. I’m curious—did you think, when you and Barbara, in the summer of 1972—I guess September of ’72 / late summer; right?
Dennis: Right; right.
Bob: That’s when the two of you stood and faced one another and said your vows.
Dennis: It was still summer in Houston.
Bob: Did you think, “This is going to be a breeze,” or did you think, “I know there will be some challenges”?
Dennis: I just didn’t think. [Laughter] Honestly! I was in love. I was committed. I was ready to get on with life with my new bride and my new love. Honestly, I didn’t do a lot of cost-counting; but I did make a commitment.
Bob: We heard your wife laugh as you said, “I wasn’t really thinking.” Barbara, welcome to FamilyLife Today.
Barbara: Thank you.
Dennis: Were you thinking, Barbara?
Barbara: Not much more than you were.
Bob: But were you confident?
Barbara: Yes, I really was.
Bob: Did you start marriage, thinking, “I can do this”?
Barbara: Yes; I really did because I had grown up in a good home. My parents were not divorced. I had seen them work out their marriage and—though there were things I wanted to do differently—I felt like I could do this. Added to that, I was doubly confident because I was a Christian and my husband was. We were not just pew-warmers / we were committed Christ followers. I thought: “This is guaranteed to work because we’ve got the right ingredients: We love each other. We love the Lord. We are going to do this the right way. We’re going to follow the instructions in the Bible—A+B=C. It’s going to work out great!”
Bob: The reason we’re exploring this is because you’ve been spending a lot of time, recently, working on editing a series of letters—actually, emails that grew into letters.
Barbara: Yes.
Bob: Letters that you’ve written over the years to your daughters and your daughters-in-law, where you’ve just offered counsel from your own life and experience about getting married.
Barbara: Yes. I started writing this series of letters the summer that both of our sons got married. It wasn’t so much that I wanted to teach them—and I was invited to do so by the way—I didn’t do this without an invitation. It was that I wanted to encourage them by sharing some of the stories of things that I had learned so that they would know that: “Oh, it’s normal to have disagreements. Oh, it’s normal for this to happen or that to happen,” so that they would understand the long view of marriage and the big picture of marriage.
Dennis: One of the things that had occurred in our marriage that I think really pointed out the importance of perhaps Barbara doing this—early in our marriage, she had kind of run into the differences between us and how that was impacting her. Someone told us—and I don’t remember who—but said, “You really ought to go spend some time with an older woman who has experienced more of life and been around the barn a few more times than you have.” Just to spend some time and to know that what you’re going through is normal.
Bob: Yes.
Dennis: I think couples start out their marriage together and they get isolated. They don’t realize that what they’re going through is what everybody else is dealing with. But if they have someone who is seasoned / who’s authentic—and not going to create some kind of pie-in-the-sky approach that’s: “A+B=C, and you’re going to have all your problems solved by sundown tonight,”—if you’ve got somebody who’s real and helps you understand that it takes a lifetime to work out this thing called marriage. That’s what really fueled Barbara in writing our daughters and our daughters-in-law to be able to enter in to these first months and years of their marriage.
Bob: Barbara, one of the issues you felt like you needed to mentor your daughters and daughters-in-law in was this issue that we talked about—your confidence that you could be the wife and mom that God called you to be—that, at some point along the way, you kind of woke up and went, “This is harder than I thought it was going to be.”
Barbara: Yes. I think that realization was an on-going realization. What I’ve realized, as I...
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Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the series
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 1)
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 2) - Building Up Your Man
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 3) - Praising the Positive
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 4) - Embracing the Differences
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 5) - Leaning on God
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 6) - Being His Helper
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 7) - Facing the StormsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.
Being His Helper
Guest: Barbara Rainey
From the series: Letters to My Daughters (Day 3 of 3)
Air date: February 17, 2016
Bob: The Bible calls women to be helpers to their husbands; but as Barbara Rainey points out—sometimes, when you’re trying to help, you’re not helping.
Barbara: I think, in most women’s hearts, we do start out—in the early years, especially—genuinely wanting to help. It switches somewhere, along the line—to becoming a control issue, to becoming a management issue, to becoming a critical issue—where I am being his mother and not his helper. I’m being his parent and not his partner.
I think that is the lesson—it’s that we, as women / we, as wives, need to be aware and to recognize when it does and to say: “Oh yeah! I need to be his friend. We’re peers, we’re equals, we’re teammates; and we can work this out together,” rather than it—letting it become this great obstacle.
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, February 17th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. How can a wife be a helper to her husband?
1:00
We’re going to explore that today with Barbara Rainey. Stay tuned.
And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. I had somebody share something with me a long time ago. I always thought this was interesting—they were talking about the ministry of the Holy Spirit in our life. They were saying that the word for the Holy Spirit in the Bible is the word, Paraclete.
Dennis: Right.
Bob: What they said was: “There’s a difference between a paraclete and a parasite. A parasite is something that attaches itself to you and just sucks the life out of you.”
Dennis: Right.
Bob: “A paraclete is something that attaches itself to you and pours life into you.” I mean, that’s always stuck with me. I’ve thought, “That’s not only true of our relationship with the Holy Spirit—He does attach Himself to us and pours life into us—but all of our relationships tend to be parasite or paraclete relationships”; don’t you think?
Dennis: They do. It’s interesting—
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—that in the Scripture, God refers to Himself as our Helper. I think the Holy Spirit is our Helper.
Bob: Yes.
Dennis: He comforts us / He gives us the power to live the Christian life.
Bob: Jesus said, “I will send another Helper,”—indicating that He had been the Helper. So Helper really—God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit—are all identified as “Helper.”
Dennis: That’s right; but if you go all the way back to the beginning of the Bible, the first use of the word, “helper,” is not referring to God but referring to the woman that God made for man.
Bob: Yes.
Dennis: I know, for Barbara, who joins us again on FamilyLife Today—Barbara, welcome back.
Barbara: Thank you.
Dennis: She’s written a book that is—was first written for our daughters, as they married, and our daughters-in-law as they married our sons. One of the first sections of the book talks about the role of being a helper. You believe that’s important; don’t you?
Barbara: I do. I think that we have come to think of helper in a more negative sense——more as a servant.
3:00
Yet, when you go back to the very beginning—as you were just talking about a minute ago—and realize that God used that term to describe the woman / to describe Eve when He made her. He called her helper before the whole thing broke down and fell apart in the Garden. It wasn’t Plan B—it wasn’t: “Oh, well; now, that you’ve made mistakes, and I’m kicking you out of the Garden, and you’re going to have to start living in a different place—now, you have to be the helper,”—it was helper from the very beginning.
If we really focus on that, and think about that, it means that I was made, as a female, to be a helper—I was built for that, I was fashioned for that, I was designed for that. It’s not a second thought / it’s not Plan B—it’s not an afterthought. It’s intuitive in who I am, as a female, to be helper in the same way that God is helper to us.
Bob: You say, in the book—when you got married, you say, “I was eager to begin being my husband’s helper; but beyond cooking for him and doing our laundry, I honestly had no idea what the concept / the assignment really meant.”
4:00
Barbara: Yes.
Bob: I think there are a lot of women who, when they hear the term, “helper,”—they think, “What is it if it’s not cooking, cleaning, and laundry?”
Barbara: Those things are a part of what each individual couple works out—who does the cooking / who does the laundry. All of that is a creative blend of the two that are in the marriage unit. And often—
Bob: Who does the cooking at your house? I’m just curious—
Barbara: Well, you know, right now, he do...
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Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the series
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 1)
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 2) - Building Up Your Man
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 3) - Praising the Positive
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 4) - Embracing the Differences
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 5) - Leaning on God
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 6) - Being His Helper
The Art of Being a Wife (Part 7) - Facing the StormsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.
Facing the Storms
Guest: Barbara Rainey
From the series: Letters to My Daughters (Day 1 of 1)
Air date: December 26, 2018
Bob: To be the woman and the wife that God created you to be, you have to know how to walk by faith on the good days and on the dark days. Here’s Barbara Rainey.
Barbara: Most people who have been through suffering—whether it’s shallow, small things or really deep, tragic things—can say, on the other side, “I didn’t enjoy it; I didn’t like it, but I knew God better as a result.” I’ve heard so many people say that. I would say it’s true about us too. We’ve learned more about God in the valleys than we have on the high places and hills in the sunshine.
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, December 26th. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. We’ll spend time today exploring how a husband and wife can draw closer together and become one as they walk in the valley and in the path of suffering.
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Stay with us.
Welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. Anybody who has ever been to one of our Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways knows that—on Friday night, as we are getting underway—we spend some time talking about the common potholes that can derail or destabilize a marriage relationship. I think there are some things that are pretty standard/pretty common that can cause a marriage to wobble at high speeds.
Dennis: We begin the conference with a message that is really about five threats to your oneness—five threats to your marriage—five threats to your marriage going the distance over your lifetime.
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Bob: One of those threats is a failure to anticipate the unexpected trials that come into a marriage. It’s not a question of whether unexpected trials will come into a marriage—but “How do you respond when they do?”—because all of us are going to hit them; aren’t we?
Dennis: Well, if you think about it—the vows are built—the traditional vows, “…in sickness and in health”—in financial success and in also being poor. I mean, the basis of what we promise, when we establish the marriage covenant, is that we’re going to take the storm, head-on. We don’t know what it will be; but we’re pledging to one another to not quit but to keep on loving/keep on believing and make our marriage go the distance.
Bob: And we are taking some time this week to talk with your wife, Barbara. Welcome back to FamilyLife Today.
Barbara: Thank you, Bob.
3:00
Bob: We’re going to talk about some of those valleys and dark places that the two of you have walked together in 40-plus years of marriage and how you’ve not quit in the midst of that.
Dennis: What Barbara has done is—she has taken the past, almost ten years, to complete a book to wives called Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife that is designed to be what it is. It’s an older woman stepping into the life of a younger woman with sage advice/with seasoned advice—with the advice that comes after four decades of marriage. The way this book is constructed is—you end it with this subject that Bob’s talking about here—the subject of suffering.
I guess I’d have to ask you, “Is that because of what you and I have been through?”—because we have been through some dark valleys together.
Barbara: Well, that’s why it’s in there; because it has been an integral part of our marriage relationship. It’s in there because I think most brides/most young women get married with some—
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—what I call “fairytale theology.” They get married, thinking that: “Everything is going to be great for us. We’re not going to have difficulties. Yes; there will be some uncomfortable moments, but we’re not going to really have hard stuff. We’re going to—we’re going to be great. We love each other, and everything’s going to be great.”
For those, who are Christians—like you and I were when we got married—we also start our marriages out, thinking: “You know, we believe in God. If we do it God’s way, it’s going to all be good. We’re not going to have any hard things.” That was how I started our marriage—thinking: “A plus B equals C. If I obey God and I do these things that are in the Bible, then God, therefore, will give us an easy, nice life.”
Bob: So do you have a new equation, now, if it’s not “A plus B equals C”? What would you say to a young wife, who says, “If it’s not that, what is it?”
Barbara: There’s a lot of algebra. [Laughter]
Bob: Some calculus—[Laughter]—a little geometry.
Barbara: And I don’t know algebra very well, so I can’t even give you the formula! [Laughter]
5:00
Dennis: We’re laughing, but it’s the hard stuff of life. This is a broken world. There is a heaven, and it’s not here—it’s not now.
Barbara: Yes.
Dennis: God came, in the person of Jesus Christ, to give us an abundant life now and help us face these hardships—but it’s like the funeral you and I participated in earlier this year—a dear couple that we love greatly, who buried the body of their 15-year-old son. It’s unthinkable!
Barbara: Yes.
De...
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He is the Stability of Our Times (Part 1) - Keeping Your Focus
He is the Stability of Our Times (Part 2) - Teaching Your Kids to Handle Loss
He is the Stability of Our Times (Part 3) - The Unchanging ChristFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
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Keeping Your Focus
Guests: Dennis and Barbara Rainey
From the series: Unshaken: He Is the Stability of Our Times (Day 1 of 3)
Air date: October 17, 2016
Bob: Do you ever find yourself being anxious or troubled by the events that are taking place in our culture? You’re not alone. Barbara Rainey has the same feelings.
Barbara: I mean, there are plenty of times that I’ve listened to the news, or read an article, or listened to someone and I’ve—my response has been fear. I have felt fearful in my heart, and that’s not what God wants me to do. He doesn’t want me to respond in fear / He wants me to respond in faith. So, my responsibility is to create a balance between the messages that I’m allowing to speak to my heart; and I want to grow the messages that are going to grow my faith.
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, October 17th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I’m Bob Lepine. How do we foster faith in our own heart, and how do we help our children feel secure in times of instability? We’ll talk about that today. Stay with us.
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And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. You grew up in the Ozarks in southeast Missouri; right?—southwest Missouri.
Dennis: Right.
Bob: At that time, when you were growing up, was there a Silver Dollar City? Did it exist?
Dennis: No; there was a cave. [Laughter]
Bob: I’ve been to the cave.
Dennis: There was a cave, and there were two shows in Branson.
Bob: Yes; but Silver Dollar City came along years later.
Dennis: The Presley Brothers and—what was the other one?
Barbara: The Baldknobbers.
Dennis: Baldknobbers—that was it. [Laughter] Branson, Missouri, was not the hotspot that it is today; but there was no Silver Dollar City.
Bob: Your wife, who is joining us today—you obviously know the history of Branson a little bit.
Barbara: Well, I just remember Dennis’s mother talking about that. I think they went a few times—did you?—when you were growing up? I remember her talking about the Baldknobbers; because it’s such an odd, strange—
Dennis: No.
Barbara: —weird term.
Dennis: We never.
Bob: You didn’t go?
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Dennis: We never.
Barbara: Well, maybe, she used to go—I don’t know! [Laughter]
Dennis: I don’t know that my mother ever went.
Barbara: Okay; well, she knew about them. [Laughter]
Dennis: It was great, great cultural music; but maybe, a cut above where we were. [Laughter]
Bob: I remember—because I grew up in Missouri as well—and I remember vacationing in Branson, as a child, and going to Silver Dollar City. Here is my distinct memory—there was an attraction in the middle of Silver Dollar City called Slantin’ Sam’s Cabin. Do you remember Slantin’ Sam’s Cabin? Does this ring a bell to you?
Barbara: No. We took our kids there, too; but I don’t remember it.
Dennis: It must have been a real high point. [Laughter]
Bob: This was a cabin you’d go into where the walls all leaned one way and the floor tilted way up. In fact, I remember—in one room, you’d go in and water ran uphill because of how they had it all arranged.
Dennis: Oh, yes.Bob: And I loved going to Slantin’ Sam’s Cabin and just walking through it. You came out feeling disoriented. In fact, years later, when I took Mary Ann there, we walked through it—
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—she said, “I don’t want to go to Slantin’ Sam’s Cabin.”
Barbara: “I don’t like this.”
Bob: “It just gives me a headache.”
There is something about the amusements—like those mirrors in the old amusement parks, where you looked everywhere—that can be fun for a day; but if the world you’re living in starts to feel like Slantin’ Sam’s Cabin, all of a sudden, it goes from being a fun attraction to being something that’s very disorienting.
Dennis: You know, what you are describing, Bob, is what we want to talk about. Barbara has a passion—and I do too—for equipping families to know how to live in a culture that seems to be more disorienting today than it ever has been. I mean, think about what’s taking place politically, what’s taking place from a societal standpoint / the redefinitions that now have become the new norm, what’s taking place morally in our country, and then, how Christians feel / those who are followers of Christ—
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—how they feel—because they’re no longer welcome, in many regards, in our own country. We’re now getting blamed for things that are being brought to our country by outsiders.
Bob: Yes; we had a guest earlier this year who talked about—he used the metaphor—he said, “We’re no longer the home team.” There was a day, when we were growing up—to be a Christian and to live out Christian values in this culture—people generally supported that and thought that was good thing.
Dennis: I no longer sit down in an airplane, when I’m travelling to speak at a conference—I no lo...
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Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the series
He is the Stability of Our Times (Part 1) - Keeping Your Focus
He is the Stability of Our Times (Part 2) - Teaching Your Kids to Handle Loss
He is the Stability of Our Times (Part 3) - The Unchanging ChristFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
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Teaching Your Kids to Handle Loss
Guests: Dennis and Barbara Rainey
From the series: Unshaken: He Is the Stability of Our Times (Day 2 of 3)
Air date: October 18, 2016
Bob: As a parent, do you want your children to grow up full of faith and courage? Then, your children need to see a mom and a dad who are full of faith and are courageous. Here’s Barbara Rainey.
Barbara: I think that that’s our call as parents—is to model a relationship with Jesus Christ that’s authentic, and strong, and rooted in the Rock. That’s what our kids will notice, and they will follow that. That’s what we want—we want our children to grow a faith too, but we have to remember that we are modeling that in what we say and in what we do because our kids are paying attention.
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, October 18th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I’m Bob Lepine. In times of instability, are you modeling for your children what it looks like to walk by faith and be full of courage? We’ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.
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And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. I have some counsel for those who might be trying to decide on a church home. If you should show up at a local church and the worship pastor says, “Let’s sing the great hymn, A Mighty Fortress Is Our God, and let’s sing verses one, two, and four,” you should leave that church immediately; and you should never consider joining that church.
Now, there are some hymns—first of all, I just—Dennis: The one, two, and four—counsel of Bob Lepine. [Laughter] You heard it first here on FamilyLife Today.
Bob: There are some hymns where it’s fine to skip a verse if you want to; okay? I don’t prefer it—I like to sing all of the verses of all of the hymns—
Barbara: I do too. I agree
Bob: —but I’m also aware that Charles Wesley did write some hymns that had 20 verses to them. So, I get narrowing it down to the best ones. But when it comes to Martin Luther’s A Mighty Fortress Is Our God, this is based on Psalm 46.
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You can’t go from verse two to verse four without skipping a big, important part in the middle.
Barbara: A big chunk of Psalm 46.
Bob: Exactly right. And Psalm 46 is that Psalm that says, “God is our Rock, our fortress, our ever present help in time of need.” I was thinking about the hymn and thinking about that Psalm—with what we’ve been talking about this week—because a fortress is a place that you go into to feel safe from an enemy that might be attacking you. And there are times in our culture today, where we look around and go, “It feels like I need a fortress just to rest for a little bit.”
Dennis: And fortunately, I’m married to a great woman who recognizes that, not only do we need a fortress—and reminds me of that in our marriage / in our family—
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—but also pinned both Bob and me underneath her foot and said, “I’ve got to go into the studio and share with our listeners the need for stability today.” [Laughter]
Bob: Let me just say—it was not a hostile takeover.Dennis: It wasn’t.
Barbara: Thank you.
Bob: We were very happy.
Barbara: Thank you.
Dennis: Semi—semi-hostile. [Laughter] But she is all about a new plaque that she has developed. Interestingly, when she created it, she said, “You know, we haven’t even talked about it on FamilyLife Today, and these things are flying out of the warehouse,” —it is Isaiah 33:6: “And He shall be the stability of your times.” Share why you have created this, Sweetheart.
Barbara: Well, I think everyone is aware that we live in a very uncertain world, and it’s not just in America; but it’s all around the world. People are feeling the sand underneath their feet shifting, and people don’t know quite what to do with economic changes. They don’t know what to do with political changes. They don’t know how to respond to changes in their family.
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Life is an uncertain adventure. And when uncertainty comes or when instability is felt, we need to know what to do—we need to know how to respond and what to do next.
The idea of putting this verse on a plaque—in a really pretty frame too—is so that we can be reminded every day in our homes that Jesus is our stability: He is the One who never changes; He is the One who is the Rock; He is the One who is our fortress. So, no matter what’s happening personally or no matter what’s happening in our world around us, He will never change; and that’s what gives me my security.
Dennis: Uncertain adventures demand leadership. What Barbara’s talking about demands leadership of men and women in all walks of life—whether you live in an apartment, inner city, suburban America, smaller towns across the country. These are days when individual followers of Christ need to know who they are and why they are here.
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Barbara and I were talking about just the whole need for leadership in the family in the midst of uncertain times. I was reminded of a story that I told in my book, Stepping Up. It’s a story about Sir Ernest Shackleton who, at the age of 40, recruited men to go with him to the South Pole, the Antarctic. He took 27 men on December 5, 1914. After 45 days at sea, ran into what was called heavy pack ice that trapped his ship in the pack ice and they couldn’t get loose. They tried for three weeks—couldn’t get out of the pack ice. I want to read you what leadership sounds like in uncertain times.
This was written by the ship surgeon, Alexander Macklin, in h...
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Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the series
He is the Stability of Our Times (Part 1) - Keeping Your Focus
He is the Stability of Our Times (Part 2) - Teaching Your Kids to Handle Loss
He is the Stability of Our Times (Part 3) - The Unchanging ChristFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
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The Unchanging Christ
Guests: Dennis and Barbara Rainey
From the series: Unshaken: He Is the Stability of Our Times (Day 3 of 3)
Air date: October 19, 2016
Bob: Do you look at what's happening in our world and in our culture and lose heart?
Barbara Rainey says there's reason for optimism.
Barbara: I think, in the long run, this is going to be very good for the people of God. It's going to be very good for the church, because it will prove who really belongs to Christ. It will prove what we're really made of and where our loyalties lie; because if our loyalties are in the government—and who’s in power / who the President is—that's going to go away / that's going to fade.
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday October 19th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Could it be that God is actually causing all things to work together for good for those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose, even in a political election year? We'll discuss that today. Stay with us.
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And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. So here's the question: “Optimist or pessimist—which are you?” And your wife is here. [Laughter] So whatever you say, I am going to get a fact-checker, right here, to determine whether what you say is true.
Dennis: I'm a realistic optimist.
Bob: A realistic optimist. [Laughter] That sounds like you're hedging your bets on—
Dennis: No; no. I just take a real clear look at what's taking place. These are troubling days/challenging days—we don't know what the future holds.
But that's how I describe myself. I think I want to respond in faith. I think we are put here for good works. In fact, I was just thinking about this broadcast—I quoted this earlier on the broadcast—Psalm 37, verse 3:
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“Trust in the Lord and do good.” You can't be a pessimist and do nothing—you have to trust in the Lord, and I think, be an optimist. An optimist says, “God is at work.”
I just walked into a meeting a few minutes ago and was just talking about the days in which we are alive. The gentleman who was there said, "Do you think maybe God's got a message for us?" And I said, "Do you think?!" [Laughter] I mean, these are fascinating days: “What is He up to? Why would you want to be up to anything else other than what God's doing?”
Bob: Okay; let me see if your wife would agree with your characterization. Is he a realistic optimist? Is that a good characterization?
Barbara: I do think that's a good description, and I was trying to decide what I would say. I would say he’s definitely not a pessimist.
Bob: Okay.
Dennis: But what about you, Bob?
Barbara: He's by far more optimistic than pessimistic.
Bob: I want to know about Barbara first.
Dennis: Okay.
Bob: Are you an optimist?—or a pessimist?
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Barbara: Well, honestly, I think I'd have to say the same answer that Dennis gave; because I can see the negative in things, but I think my faith calls me back to believe God. I think were it not for my faith, I think I would probably be a pessimist—
Bob: Yes.
Barbara: —because I tend toward depression. I tend toward realism and practicality; so I tend to see the reasons why things won't work sometimes. But—
Bob: So how hard was it for you to create a plaque that says, "He shall be the stability of our times”?—Isaiah 33:6.
Barbara: Well, actually, this one was pretty easy. There have been some other things that weren't so easy, but this one was pretty easy.
Bob: A lot of people have seen this and said: “I need that—
Barbara: Yes.
Bob: —“in my home. I need something that reminds me—in a time, where we start to lose faith / where we start to lose hope—
Barbara: Yes.
Bob: —“I need something to remind me that there is still a reason for hope”; right?
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Barbara: Well, the purpose of this plaque is to help us remember that there is Someone who never changes. I may change, my circumstances may change, my family may change, the country may change—I mean, everything is up for grabs except Jesus. The plaque we designed so that it will remind us every day, if you hang it in your house, He shall be the stability of your times. And why? Because Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. He won't change. He's never going anywhere.
No matter how unstable the world feels at any given moment, He's never changing. That reminder, I think, is really important for us, as Christians, in this era in which we live; because we are surrounded by so much that is creating uncertainly, and creating fear, and creating anxiety in our hearts. Jesus wants us to not be afraid but to trust in Him.
Bob: So let me ask the realistic optimist—
Barbara: Optimist
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Bob: —over here: “As you look at the world that we are in today—you look at the economic condition, you look at the political scene / we've got an election coming up. We're going to have a new President, and we don't know which direction we're going to be headed. Are you hopeful about where we will be, as a church ...
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Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the series
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 1) - A Call to Advent
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 2) - Being Still
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 3) - Introducing Your Kids to the Savior
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 4) - His Savior Names
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 5) - Remembering Christ at ChristmasFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
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A Call to Advent
Guests: Dennis and Barbara Rainey
From the series: Celebrating Advent (Day 1 of 5)
Air date: November 28, 2016
Bob: Does your church or does your family do anything to celebrate the Advent season? Are you even familiar with what Advent is? Here’s Barbara Rainey.
Barbara: The term, “advent,” just means Jesus’ coming—it means the time when He came to earth / He left heaven. The Book of John tells us He was sent by God—He left heaven, and He came to earth. He became a baby, as we all know in the story, and was born and lived and gave His life for us. But the time—those weeks leading up to Christmas—years ago, in the Middle Ages or somewhere in there, the church fathers met and decided that this would be a good time to help people prepare their hearts to celebrate and to worship when Christmas Day actually came.I think it’s a great concept because, in our culture today, we don’t wait very well, we do not celebrate very well, and we don’t mark the days very well.
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I think there is some benefit—especially for families—to mark those Sundays of Advent with, even, a ten-minute gathering. Get together before bed time, if you have to—or after breakfast or whenever it works—and just think together about what this season is all about. The whole idea of Advent is preparing your heart to worship and to appropriately celebrate the gift of Christ.
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, November 28th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey. I’m Bob Lepine. We have a great opportunity, over the next four weeks, to prepare our hearts and minds for the celebration of Jesus’ coming. We’ll talk about that today. Stay with us.
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And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. I just—I’m wondering: “Do you guys have, at your house, somebody who comes through—like at the end of the weekend after Thanksgiving—and says: ‘Okay; we’ve got to do a major shift here! We’ve got to take all the Thanksgiving stuff down’?”
Dennis: You’re looking at him. [Laughter] My martyr meter is going off right now. [Laughter]
Barbara: There’s not that much Thanksgiving stuff to take down; mind you.
Dennis: There really isn’t; but I’m going to tell you—the Christmas—we have it out in a little storage shed. I’m not saying it’s a lot, but we hire an 18-wheeler to move the 200 feet from our storage shed up to our back door. [Laughter]Bob: You had to put an addition on the storage shed—didn’t you?—just to handle more Christmas stuff over the years? [Laughter]
Barbara: You guys are terrible!
Dennis: We are terrible.
Barbara: You are, because it’s so not true.
Bob: But the truth is that—Dennis: Barbara—you know, here is the thing, Bob—this is a paradox of life.
Bob: Yes?3:00
Dennis: Barbara says her favorite holiday is Thanksgiving.Bob: And by the way, Barbara is joining us again today. Welcome back to FamilyLife Today.
Dennis: Welcome back, Sweetheart.
Barbara: Thank you.
Bob: So, Thanksgiving, which we’ve just completed—your favorite holiday; right?
Barbara: Yes; and the rest of the sentence is?
Dennis: Why are there boxes of Christmas gear that we bring in?
Barbara: Because there is so much more available to purchase, and to display, and to decorate with for Christmas than there is for Thanksgiving.
Dennis: Especially since you created Ever Thine Home®.
Barbara: That’s part of it too.
Dennis: You have declared the reason for the season, both at Thanksgiving and at Christmas—
Barbara: So, part of—
Dennis: —and at Valentine’s, and at Easter.
Barbara: —and Easter. Part of the reason—
Dennis: —and the Fourth of July! [Laughter]
Barbara: Part of the reason we have more at Christmas now is because we have all the old stuff—all the old Santa, snowmen / things have nothing to do with Jesus—stuff that I haven’t gotten rid of yet.
Dennis: You know what I think?—[whispering]—they could disappear.
Barbara: They could.
Dennis: [Whispering] They might—they might vanish.Barbara: But we’ve replaced them with all the new things about Jesus.
Bob: If you see an extra trash can out at the curb tonight when you go home—[Laughter]
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Barbara: I’ll know what it is; yes! [Laughter]
Bob: —you will know—
Dennis: It may be my body! [Laughter]
Bob:
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Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the series
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 1) - A Call to Advent
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 2) - Being Still
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 3) - Introducing Your Kids to the Savior
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 4) - His Savior Names
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 5) - Remembering Christ at ChristmasFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
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Being Still
Guests: Dennis and Barbara Rainey
From the series: Celebrating Advent (Day 2 of 5)
Air date: November 29, 2016
Bob: Taking time during the weeks leading up to Christmas to prepare our hearts for the celebration of His coming, that’s what Advent is all about. And Barbara Rainey says, “It helps us cultivate faith.”
Barbara: The whole purpose for Advent—the reason that the church fathers came up with this idea, back in the Middle Ages—was to encourage people, who were believers in Christ, to prepare their hearts for Christmas Day. It’s a way to anticipate His coming / it’s a way to look forward to celebrating the birth of Christ on Christmas Day. When we practice Advent today, it’s essentially the same thing—it’s a way to mark the time, but it’s also a way to build anticipation.One of my favorite writers has written: “That loss of expectation is loss of faith. What else is faith but expectation?” I love that quote—that when we expect, we believe / when we are anticipating, we believe.
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I think that’s really, really good for us.
I think there are some real benefits for families. The first one is—it teaches us to be patient. We are not a patient people in this culture—our children aren’t patient / we’re not patient. We’re so used to everything being readily available whenever we want it. But if you mark Advent—and you can only open one lunch sack, for instance, or one little box; and you have to wait a whole week for the next one—it teaches us, as people, to be patient—that’s a good quality / it’s a good attribute.
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, November 29th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I’m Bob Lepine. There are lots of people wanting you to be thinking about lots of different things during these weeks before Christmas. We think it’s good for all of us to be thinking about the celebration of Jesus’ coming. We’ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.
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And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. I just need to make sure our listeners understand you prepare for FamilyLife Today very differently than your wife prepares for this program, when she is joining us on FamilyLife Today—as she is today—Barbara, welcome back to FamilyLife Today.
Barbara: Thank you, Bob.
Bob: And here is what I mean by that—
Dennis: Yes; why don’t you tell me what you mean by that? [Laughter]
Bob: We have been doing this program for 24-plus years now.
Dennis: Over 5,000 broadcasts.
Bob: In those 24-plus years, there has never been a day that you’ve come in to the studio with four brown paper bags that have glitter, and glue, and numbers on them. You’ve never come up with a little craft like this for our program. You just come in with some notes, and “Here’s what I want to talk about,” and “Let’s go. C’mon! C’mon!” And your wife comes in—this is beautiful / she brought in some bags with glitter and glue on them.
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Dennis: And she’s appealing to something that you and I, both—when we were little boys and, even today, as adults—she’s appealing to our curiosity: “What’s in bag number 1?” and “What’s in number 2?” “—3?” and “—4?”
I remember where my mom used to stash all the Christmas presents before she would put them under—
Bob: You knew where they were hidden?
Dennis: Oh, yes. Are you kidding? I mean, I was a super-sleuth around the house.Bob: Snoop is what you were—not sleuth—snoop.
Dennis: Oh, well, that’s true too. I would sniff them out. And I admit—one time, I found the closet upstairs—our house was a small, small house. It was kind of dark up there, but there was no one watching. So, I kind of unwrapped—
Bob: —a couple of the presents?
Dennis: —a couple of the presents.
Bob: Yes.
Dennis: And my mom was a better sleuth than me. [Laughter] But here is the thing—the anticipation of leading up to Christmas is something that every child / every adult enjoys.
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I think what Barbara is doing here, around Advent and Christmas, is appealing to that curiosity and trying to get us to think about, “What’s in bag number 1?” I think she’s going to let you do it, in a second, after we talk about what Advent is.
Bob: You brought these in as object lessons for us on today’s program; right?
Barbara: Well, they are object lessons; but it’s also a way for listeners to hear us do this and go: “Oh, that’s not so hard. I could do that. I could even do that this year.” Practicing Advent is not that difficult. Here is an easy way that you can practice Advent with your family, even this year. Even though the first Sunday of Advent was last Sunday, there are still four Sundays left. You could still do it this year if you wanted to.
Bob: There are four lunch sacks here on the table.
Barbara: Just plain old, brown lunch sacks—nothing fancy.Bob: And with glitter and glue, you’ve got numbers 1,...
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Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the series
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 1) - A Call to Advent
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 2) - Being Still
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 3) - Introducing Your Kids to the Savior
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 4) - His Savior Names
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 5) - Remembering Christ at ChristmasFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.
Introduce Your Kids to the Savior
Guests: Dennis and Barbara Rainey
From the series: Celebrating Advent (Day 3 of 5)
Air date: November 30, 2016
______________________________________________________________________________
Bob: Many parents would love for their family to have a more spiritual / a more Christ-centered focus during the Christmas season. But there’s not a lot that points us in that direction. Here’s Barbara Rainey.
Barbara: As we were raising our children, I noticed that there was very little available, even then—and that was 20 years ago—that helped us, as a family / helped Dennis and me turn our kids’ attention to Jesus at the Christmas holiday. I wanted to do that—I wanted to help my kids appreciate Christmas for what it was really all about. And yet, I couldn’t find things that helped me engage my kids in conversations about it. I couldn’t find things, other than a Nativity scene or two, that we had that would help us turn our attention, and help us turn our kids’ attention, to the meaning of Christmas.
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Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, November 30th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. What can we be doing, as moms and dads, to be pointing our children in a more Christ-centered direction as we get ready to celebrate Christmas? We’re going to explore that today. Stay with us.
And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. I’m going to have to get a new mailbox I think. I mean—
Dennis: Too many catalogues?
Bob: Yes; stop and think: “How much meaningful mail do you get in a year these days? I go out to the mailbox every day to see what’s in the mailbox. How many days is it just junk?”
Barbara: Most of the days.
Bob: Most days it’s just junk mail. Every once in a while, there’s a lovely letter from FamilyLife—so we have that / we always get that—and open that first thing; but most of the time, it’s just junk.
2:00
Well, you get to Christmastime—
Dennis: I just wrote you a note, Bob—I just thanked you. You should be getting it here pretty soon.
Bob: Well, I’ll keep my eyes open for it. Thank you. [Laughter]
Barbara: Yes; thank you notes are nice to get.
Dennis: A handwritten note is really valuable today.
Bob: Those are nice and rare.
So, now, at Christmastime, there is not enough room in the mailbox for all of the catalogues / for all of the—just all of the stuff / all of the junk that everybody wants us to buy. I’m just telling them, “Don’t send them to me anymore, because I’m not buying your stuff; okay?” I’m just trying to tell them—
Barbara: They don’t believe it, though.
Bob: I guess they don’t; no.
Dennis: Barbara joins us on FamilyLife Today. Welcome back, Sweetheart.
Barbara: Thank you.
Dennis: She had me actually go to the garbage the other day, Bob, and fish out of the garbage a magazine that she said captured really what is the message / what has become the message of Christmas this season.
Barbara: I did; because I didn’t want the magazine / didn’t need it—
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—so I pitched it. Then I started thinking about the messages that that magazine was communicating to me at Christmas. This one came in the mail the other day. On the cover, it says, “385 Ways to Dazzle Family and Friends.” [Laughter] I thought, “Well, first of all, who has time for 385 ways, number one; and secondly, is it really about dazzling your family and friends?” I just thought: “Oh my gosh! We have really—we have really changed.”
Bob: This is all about Christmas—you’re supposed to do all of this—
Barbara: This whole catalogue—
Dennis: It’s a new advent—385 steps / 385 ways—[Laughter]
Bob: So, did you read any of them?
Barbara: Well, I flipped through it; and of course, it’s multiple choice—you don’t have to do all 385. They want you to have lots of options.
Bob: That’s a good thing; yes.
Barbara: One of them said, “Take a bow as you reveal the spectacular cake.” Another one said, “Show them you love them by giving one of these handmade gifts to everyone on your list.” [Laughter] I’m thinking, “Even if you just chose one of those, it’s overwhelming, all by itself.”
4:00
Bob: I can do the bow; but I’m just thinking, “My friends and family are not going to be dazzled when I take a bow.”
Barbara: No; no. [Laughter]
Dennis: It is all the wrong message, though.
Barbara: Yes; it is.
Dennis: What we want to do is—I don’t know that we want to dazzle. I think we want to refocus—a little bit like a camera—bring back the focus to Christmas and what it’s all about and help families celebrate Jesus Christ.
Barbara: Actually, I think dazzle might be a good word. I think what we want is—we want to be dazzled by the incarnation—the fact that Jesus actually came to the planet to rescue us when we didn’t des...
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Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the series
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 1) - A Call to Advent
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 2) - Being Still
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 3) - Introducing Your Kids to the Savior
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 4) - His Savior Names
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 5) - Remembering Christ at ChristmasFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.
His Savior Names
Guests: Dennis and Barbara Rainey and Laura Rainey Dries
From the series: Celebrating Advent (Day 4 of 5)
Air date: December 1, 2016
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Bob: The Christmas season gives all of us the opportunity to be talking more easily and more comfortably with friends or family members about who Jesus is. Here’s Barbara Rainey.
Barbara: This good friend of ours had the great privilege of leading his son to Christ as a result of focusing on the names of Christ at Christmas. I think that’s what God is calling all of us to do. He’s calling all of us to settle things and make things right with Him. Christmas is a wonderful time to do that, because we’re naturally thinking about Jesus being born in Bethlehem. It’s a perfect opportunity for moms and dads to help your kids understand what a decision for Christ looks like and why that’s the most important decision they’ll ever make.
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, December 1st. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.
1:00
Are you thinking, and planning, and strategizing about ways you could take advantage of spiritual opportunities in your family or among your friends during the holiday season? We’ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.
And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. It’s actually the first day of December. This is the first day of the last month of the year, and the last month we’ll be celebrating our 40th anniversary as a ministry.
Dennis: You’re exactly right. It’s been a great year to celebrate 40 years. FamilyLife has been, for 40 years, the Proud Sponsor of Anniversaries™—not ours—yours. I read a great letter recently, Bob, from a couple, whom you mentioned, congratulating them on their 70th.
Bob: That was great—back in August; yes.
Dennis: Seventy years of marriage—just a great letter of how their friends at church heard it and they thought: “You guys are famous! You’re on FamilyLife Today!” [Laughter]
2:00
Well, 70 years deserves a celebration; and you know what? There’s another season that demands celebration as well—that’s Christmas. We want to help you do a better job of doing that.
Before we talk about how we’re going to help you celebrate Christmas—Bob, in our family, when I was growing up, we had a time when the family would come together around the dinner table and we’d say, “There’s something important we need to talk about.” It didn’t happen many times but enough times that I knew, as a young lad, this was important.
You know what? We’re at a table here—kind of a dinner table of sorts. I’m asking the listener to scoot up a chair and just listen as I invite you to become a part of FamilyLife’s mission. We need you. We need you to stand with us as we stand alongside you—as a single person, married, parent, grandparent—with God’s blueprints for marriage and family.
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This ministry’s made possible—our mission of supporting families—is made possible by folks like you. As you slide the chair up to the table, maybe you can slide your checkbook out on the table and write a check; because that’s what makes this broadcast possible. I just want folks to know we believe this is the mission of the hour for our country, and we need you to stand with us if you believe that as well.
Bob: And there is a significant incentive right now. If you’re able to help with a donation, there’s a matching gift that has been made available to us, here at FamilyLife. We’ve asked our friend, Michelle Hill, to be our matching-gift monitor throughout the month of December. Can you give us the details on how the matching gift is working?
Michelle: Sure, Bob. Here’s how it works—first of all, the matching fund is $1.25 million. When listeners make a donation in December, their donation is actually going to be tripled by money drawn from this matching-gift fund.
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Let’s say somebody gives $50. Well, we’re able to draw $100 from the matching fund so that the total gift becomes $150. I’ll keep tabs on how things are going throughout the month; and of course, keep you up to date!
Bob: Well, we will check in with you regularly throughout the month. We’d love to have you join us in the work of FamilyLife. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com—make a donation online; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a yearend donation. Or you can mail your donation to FamilyLife Today at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. We hope to hear from you, here, between now and the end of the year.
Dennis: We sure do. I just want to remind you: “Christmas is about family. It’s about love; and it’s about giving, because ‘For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.’”
5:00
Early in our marriage—I’ll never forget—Barbara came to me and she said: “You know, I am just kind of sick and tired of the messages of the culture. How can we train our children to be more about gift giving than gift receiving?” We put our heads together—we started asking people. I don’t know who shared it with us, but somebody—it wasn’t us—originated the idea that, instead of lining up all your presents that you’re going to open for yourself / instead, line up all your presents that you want to give to others.
In fact, I’m looking out to the audience that’s out there listening to us tape this pr...
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Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the series
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 1) - A Call to Advent
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 2) - Being Still
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 3) - Introducing Your Kids to the Savior
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 4) - His Savior Names
Celebrating Advent with Laura Rainey Dries (Part 5) - Remembering Christ at ChristmasFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.
Remembering Christ at Christmas
Guests: Dennis and Barbara Rainey and Laura Rainey Dries
From the series: Celebrating Advent (Day 5 of 5)
Air date: December 2, 2016
Bob: The season of Advent is a time for us to be thinking about when Jesus came and about the fact that He is coming again. Here’s Barbara Rainey.
Barbara: We know that when He came—His first advent—when He came and was born as a baby in a manger, He came to serve us, He came to redeem us, and He came to deliver us. He was still King in all eternity, but He didn’t walk on earth as the King. He walked on earth as a Servant and as a Savior; but someday, He will come back. There will be a second advent of Jesus Christ. And when He comes back again, He will come back as King of kings and Lord of lords.
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, December 2nd. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey. I’m Bob Lepine. In the songs we sing during this part of the year, in our traditions, and even in how we decorate our homes, there’s an opportunity for us to be making spiritual statements and reminding ourselves and others of the reason for this season. We’ll explore that more today. Stay with us.
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And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. Here it is December. I always think of December as a good time just for reflection—although, typically, not the first part of December. Usually, it’s the end of December when you have a few minutes to catch your breath and kind of reflect on what the year has been. Usually, the first part of the month, you’ve got—
Dennis: It’s a sprint.
Bob: —you’ve just got so much going on. But this has been a great year for us, at FamilyLife. We’ve been celebrating our 40th anniversary as a ministry this year. It has been fun for us to take some time and just look back on how we’ve seen God at work in this ministry for four decades.
Dennis: And I was recently looking back on how God worked in the past 12 months.2.00
Bob, you know, we impacted a record number of people—18.8 million visited our website; listened to FamilyLife Today / Real FamilyLife®; have been to an Art of Marriage® / a Weekend to Remember® event; bought Passport2Purity®. We’re making an impact in the most important institution in our country. I believe that mission is the mission of the hour.
If you believe it as well, could I challenge you, here at yearend, to stand with us with a generous gift to keep FamilyLife Today coming on strong on this station to make a difference in the marriages and families in your community? You may be investing in another family who is raising the son or daughter who marries your son or daughter. So, why don’t you participate with us in this mission of strengthening the most basic unit of our nation, the family?—and doing it—listen to me—
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—doing it around the person of Jesus Christ and the truth of the Bible. I believe this is needed, now, as never before.
Bob: You can make a donation by going, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us to make a donation at 1-800-FL-TODAY; or you can mail your donation to FamilyLife Today. Our address is PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.
Now, this Sunday is going to be—actually, it’s going to be the first Sunday in December, but it’s the second Sunday in the Advent season. You know, Christmas is on a Sunday this year.
Dennis: That’s right.Bob: Will your church cancel, or will they have services? Do you know?
Dennis: That’s a good question!
Barbara: I don’t know.Bob: It’s always hard to know what to do, because Christmas morning is such a family time. There are so many traditions that to try to say, “Okay; we want to go to church too,” just feels out of the normal rhythm—I mean, I get that.
4.00
Dennis: Yes; and I’m thinking of one child in our family who—if I would have said, “You know, we’re all just going to get cleaned up and go to church first before we get about celebrating Christmas,”—
Bob: Yes?
Dennis: —I think this child—she might have completely split in half. [Laughter]
Bob: Disinherited herself from the family—Barbara: Yes; she would have.
Bob: —and said, “I’m joining somebody else’s family for this Christmas.”
Dennis: In fact, she’s out in the production area of our studio here—Laura. We’ve asked Laura to come in here, recently, a couple of times. So, Laura, would you come into the studio and just explain how difficult it was for you to wait—the concept of waiting?
Bob: And while you’re coming in—and Laura, welcome, by the way—welcome back into the studio. While you are coming in, can we just acknowledge that there might be a heredity link to Laura’s impatience that, maybe, somebody—[Laughter]
Dennis: Now, why would we want to meddle in that stuff?
5.00
Bob: Barbara, would you like to explain why there might have been a heredity link to this? [Laughter] Do you know anybody else who might h...
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