Afleveringen
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Most podcasts donât last as long as mine. Some recent statistics are available here: Podcastpage.io https://bit.ly/3THcApJ. Why have I been publishing every week for five and a half years?! I think it breaks down to three things.
First, understanding conflict and helping people deal with it better is my passion -- and has been for decades. Second, the podcast gives me the opportunity to talk with amazing guests. Third, less modestly, I have been working as a conflict specialist, continually learning about conflict and communication, and thinking about it all for a long time âŠ. And, well, I have a few insights of my own to share.
Here are three short episodes that have been particularly popular. First, Episode 6 âConflict: the good, the bad, and the ugly.â Published on February 6, 2019. 5 minutes. Second, Episode 49: âLet it goâ. Published on December 14, 2019. 5 minutes. Third, Episode 256: âWe reap what we sowâ. Published on November 22, 2023. 4 minutes.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Kristin Keffler joins me for this episode. Kristin is the author of The Myth of the Silver Spoon: Navigating Family Wealth & Creating an Impactful Life. We talk about Kristinâs personal, educational, and professional journeys â and how those threads come together to inform her writing and her work today, especially for Rising Gens in financially significant families.
Kristin gives us a brief introduction to the discipline of positive psychology. And she shares a few words about the book she co-authored with James Grubman and Dennis T. Jaffee, Wealth 3.0: The Future of Family Wealth Advising.
You can learn more about Kristin and her work on her LinkedIn page: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristin-keffeler-msm-mapp-245a21/. Her books are available through Amazon and independent bookstores.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Last time, I talked about the alure of a common language. On the plus side, this shorthandsaves time. A common phrase conveys meaning quickly.When I use it, I demonstrate that I know the lingo of this group. We feel a sense of connection when we use our own group language. What could go wrong? A few things. What if some people are brand new to a group and donât know the lingo? Will they feel unwelcome? Not sure about speaking up and saying, âI donât understandâ? What if the obvious meaning was clear at one time but times have changed and itâs not so obvious now. Or it now feels a little offensive? And what about times when we would like to include those who arenât part of the established group. Situations where a general phrase just doesnât convey enough and each person speaking or listening fills in some understanding â and maybe quite different ones!
The possibility of shorthand doing more harm than good is real. Best to be sure that using shorthand has more benefits than disadvantages.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Similar ideas expressed differently across groups/identities/fields of interest. Words that are familiar and well-understood within a group. That common language. Shorthand. Lingo. Jargon, even. Why do we do it? It saves time, that precious commodity. It can be a signifier: I understand the language of this group. And it reinforces our connection to each other within the group: this is the way that we talk.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Douglas Squirrel joins me to talk about the book he co-authored with Jeffrey Frederick, Agile Conversations: Transform Your Conversations, Transform Your Culture. And we discuss an atypical definition of trust, five types of conversations, and what he means by this phrase: âbust your coherenceâ. You can learn more about the work that Squirrel (as he likes to be known) does and find resources here: https://douglassquirrel.com/. You can learn more about the online community where tech and non-tech executives can learn together here:https://squirrelsquadron.com/.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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LARA is a communication and conflict resolution method.
Listen: First listen with the intention of truly understanding what the person is saying. Affirm: Find something in what the person has said or implied that you share and affirm that. Respond: Directly address the concern that was voiced or the feeling behind it. Ask open-ended questions and then add new information, new perspective or personal experience.
These links have some concise information about LARA. https://www.eatrightillinois.org/assets/Diversity/LARA%20Method.pdf
https://www.fatherly.com/life/lara-communication-method-couples
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Usually, we hear about too much of a good thing. Of course, we might not all agree on whether something even is a good thing. Three separate ideas have cropped up recently about our needing more of something that I, at least, believe is a good thing.More of what we donât prefer, more polite disagreement, and more benefit of the doubt.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Karen Valencic joins me to talk about Akido and conflict, power and force, and the new black belt edition of her book Spiral Impact: The Power to Get It Done with Grace. You can learn more about Karen and her work here: https://www.karenvalencic.com/. Conflictmastery.com will take you to: https://www.karenvalencic.com/membership-site-optin. Find Karenâs profile here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/karenvalencic/ . Contact Karen directly here: [email protected]
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Polarities represent an ongoing situation. They come in pairs. They are interdependent: you need them both, over time. Easy example: inhale and exhale. Harder: when two people see things differently and each one strongly prefers the pole opposite to the one the other person prefers. We can have a natural â initial â tendency to resist seeing polarities where they exist. When we embrace polarities â even if grudgingly at first â we can make real progress. Recognizing that both poles have benefits andthat consistently tipping too far toward either one leads to negative consequences.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Paraphrasing my most recent guest, Cathy Carroll: coaches work to have all the right questions, not all the right answers. But when this particular challenge is part of an ongoing relationship, itâs wise to focus on questions before jumping to answers. Asking yourself,what really matters here? What are my interests? My priorities? Is this issue deeply important to me? We often hear about the value of curiosity. Ask the other person. What are their ideas about this situation and how best to deal with it? Their priorities?
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Cathy Carroll is a leadership coach specializing in family businesses. We talk about her brand-new book â the title says it all. Hug of War: How to Lead a Family Business With Both Love and Logic. You can learn more about Cathyâs work and her book here: https://www.legacyonward.com/.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Structure â of some kind â is an essential element of a model or framework. How would flexibility work without structure? I doubt that you would call it flexibility â the very word suggests a change from something. If there werenât something solid to start, how could you change from it? It wouldnât be flexibility then â just confusion, chaos, indecision, meandering, fog. But models, frameworks, processes provide the structure that flexibility requires. Structure without flexibility? Thatâs also too much of a good thing. Rigid, unwavering, cookie-cutter approaches? They also invite failure.
Not a spoiler alert, but a hint and a heads-up: stayed tuned for more in the coming weeks about polarities â such as structure and flexibility. Like looking at structure and flexibility as concepts to view in harmony, not in conflict.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Paul Edelman talks with me about how he works with clients to make more informed decisions, generating better results. We discuss his proprietary COImpact model, a process for better decision-making. Paul used his experience in a variety of settings to create the Context, Outcomes, Implications, and Action model â considering what he had seen to work well ⊠and not so well. You can learn more about Paulâs work here: https://www.edelmancoaching.com/ You can email him here: [email protected] and call him here: 508.847.5300.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Our emotions affect the emotions of the person we are talking to in times of stress or conflict. Itâs a two-way street. Wildly oversimplifying the neuroscience of it: when we are physically near each other, we are picking up on the hormones that the other person is experiencing.
If only one of us steps aside from the negative emotions, it can have a positive effect on the other person.
When Iâm calmer, you are calmer. When you are calmer, I am calmer. You can think of it as breaking the negative cycle. Or, reorienting the cycle from negative to positive.
You donât need the other person to agree for you to be calmer. You donât need to name it. By all means, do not say: âJust calm down!â Just focus on calming yourself. As you do, you will be able to reap the benefits directly and the other person, indirectly.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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My most recent guest, Natalie McVeigh, talked with me about the neuroscience of stress and conflict. Hereâs one excellent idea to highlight from our conversation. To paraphrase:
Thereâs a lot of research on stress, and this one conclusion is key --
Itâs not the stimuli, itâs our response to those stimuli.
First step, be aware. What am I feeling? Is my body telling me that I am stressed? Second step, try to understand what about that stimulus is stressing you. What is the perceived threat? Figuring that out may take a moment. So, buy some time. Take a breath. As a few minutes pass, you are allowing your body to calm itself. Ask a question, calmly. Ask more. Get some clarification. Try to unearth what stressed you. To get to a place where your body drops down from high alert to a calmer place.
A place where you can then be able to more easily say and do things that will serve you better and will not invite or exacerbate unnecessary negative conflict.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Natalie McVeigh joins me to talk about her interest in the study of neuroscience of stress and conflict and how she uses what she continues to learn about human brains, emotions, and stimuli in her work with families as a coach, consultant, and mediator. And she helps to bust a few brain myths. Here are some key points Natalie made: perception is everything. When we think about conflict we should focus not on the stimuli (which can very rarely control), but on our response to stimuli. We are 100% irrational. Our beliefs follow our behavior.
Natalie recommended two books by Neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett: How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain andSeven and a Half Lessons About the Brain. She also mentioned Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them by Karl Pillemer.
Find her on LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nataliemcveigh/
Find Natalie at EisnerAmper here: https://www.eisneramper.com/about-us/professional-directory/natalie-mcveigh/
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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My perceptions are mine and yours are yours. Nothing will change that fundamental fact. Our perceptions are â logically and inevitably â deeply affected by our experiences, assumptions, and expectations. When we see important things in deeply different ways, we have options. We can take a more positive approach.
First, we can recognize and accept that we have different perceptions. Second, we can work to avoid the risk of damage to the relationship that comes with immediately assuming that our perception is necessarily better in some way than the other personâs. Third, we can be open to more deeply understanding the other personâs perceptions.
We may find that one or both of us can be influenced by new information and more easily value other viewpoints. We may start to see things a little differently. Even if we donât, we can move toward respect that these varied perceptions are present, they are unique, and they will have a vital role to play in whether disagreements become creative, good conflict or damaging, bad conflict.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Here are some free resources to learn about conflict: Association for Conflict Resolution is here: https://acrnet.org/
Its Greater New York Chapter (ACR-GNY) can be found here: https://www.acrgny.org/ You can sign up for their monthly roundtable and find recordings of past roundtables there.
The NYC-DR listserv has a wide range of posts. To join this listserv, or to sign up for the digest [i.e. one email daily], go to: http://listserver.jjay.cuny.edu/. To access listserv archives, go to: http://listserver.jjay.cuny.edu/archives/nyc-dr.html. Please register the first time you access the archives. For additional assistance contact the list administrator, Prof. Maria Volpe of John Jay College at: [email protected], 212-237-8693.
You can find Mediate.com here: https://mediate.com/
The Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School can be found here:https://www.pon.harvard.edu/
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Blaine Donais joins me to talk about a different definition of âconflictâ. Blaine suggests that conflict is a perceived injurious event. We break down the three parts of that phrase and what they mean in practice, particularly in the workplace. Blaine mentions some excellent resources that inform his work:
âThe Emergence and Transformation of Disputes: Naming, Blaming, Claimingâ, article by Bill Felstiner, Rick Abel, and Austin Sarat
"Social Conflict: Escalation, Stalemate, and Settlement", book by Dean Pruitt, Jeffrey Rubin,and Sung Hee Kim
"Getting Disputes Resolved: Designing Systems to Cut the Costs of Conflict", book by William L. Ury, Jeanne M. Brett, and Stephen B. Goldberg
"Designing Conflict Management Systems: A Guide to Creating Productive and Healthy Organizations", book by Cathy A. Costantino and Christina Sickles Merchant
"Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most", book by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen
To contact Blaine and learn more about his work, visit: Workplace Fairness International, https://workplacefairness.ca/ .
Blaineâs June 6, 2024, online roundtable breakfast presentation for the Greater New York Chapter of the Association for Conflict Resolution is âThe EvolvingWorld Of Workplace Conflict Managementâ. Register for free here:https://acrgny.org/event-5727648. Later, you can access his presentation (and many others) in the ACR-GNY roundtable archives, here: https://acrgny.org/RTB-Videos.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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When we are faced with a situation â one that isnât a problem at all but easily could become one, or is simmering, or volcanic, or somewhere on that spectrum â we may choose to do nothing about it. Thatâs a choice. Denial â refusal to admit that conflict is possible or currently exists â is not the same. Itâs hard to see any circumstance in which denial is a good plan.
Why choose to do nothing? Maybe itâs not worth it to me to act because â on balance â the cost of doing something outweighs the cost of doing nothing. Another variation? Substitute âriskâ for âcostâ.If I risk nothing with my refusal to bend or even engage, heck, why would I? Inaction is a good choice.
Life is dynamic. Priorities change. Perspectives evolve. And the circumstances beyond our control can move in directions we never anticipated at speeds that surprise us. We might see the costs â or risksâof inaction tipping the balance toward action. Costs or risks that can be financial, reputational, emotional, health-related, involve harm to others we care about, or appear in any number of other ways. And then, the choice to do nothing may lose its appeal.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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