Afleveringen
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What comes to mind for you when I say the words, âSelf-Gaslightingâ? For some of us, we automatically resonate, and know that we have, indeed, done this to ourselves. For others, the old definition of gaslighting we may know brings resistance, as we canât help but hear some sort of victim blaming. In my practice, the MOST powerful transformations have happened when people have understood the way we âself-gaslightâ, have broken the power those messages had over them, and rewrote the narrative. This topic of self-gaslighting is so important, Iâm dedicating the whole month of May to it. Iâm calling this living in the land of shoulds.
In todayâs episode, Iâm going to explain just what self-gaslighting is, and the two main ways it happens.
Iâm Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and Iâm so glad youâre here! If youâre new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website.
Story Time: Sarah talks about the main principles of self-gaslighting - giving examples of direct and indirect origins, and how (and why) those messages get internalized/become self-directed gaslighting messages.
Top Take-Aways:
Get curious about statements that drive you, but donât come from a place of love and acceptance of yourself â statements like, âIâm not enoughâ or âIâm too muchâ. Ask yourself, âIf I could hear what my authentic self would say to me about this belief, what would they say?âGet curious about the origins of any of these statements. Did someone say something to you directly that you internalized? Did you extrapolate meaning from your surroundings?Make a pledge to yourself to do your best to not be âself-directingâ with any gaslighting statements.I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize gaslighting in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships.
I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform⊠Iâm on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.
And remember â you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, youâre a phoenix and youâre rising again. I think itâs time we fly.
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Did you experience gaslighting in your family of origin? While most of my clients find me to help heal from the gaslighting theyâve experienced in their intimate partnership, almost every single one eventually begins to see how the gaslighting theyâve endured goes all the way back to things that happened in their childhood. Today, Iâve brought on an old friend and colleague whose experiences in this realm will help you see the impact this type of gaslighting has on so many of us.
Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. Iâm your host, Sarah Morales. And if youâre new here, welcome. Iâm so glad youâre here. I hope that the resources I have on my podcast and website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing.
My guest today is Christy Kane of Soul Work Counseling.
Story Time: Sarah and Christy have a candid conversation around the GASLIGHTING Christy endured at the hands of her family of origin, and it's profound impact throughout her life.
Top Take-Aways:
If you're trying to decide about which route to take with your family of origin - either cutting them out of your life or trying the boundaries route: look out for the "shoulds". Like, "I should let them stay with me when they visit", etc. Give yourself permission to reassess your boundaries periodically/as needed. Remind yourself of the "broken chair analogy".If you want to understand more about the ways GASLIGHTING has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my and Chrityâs websites. We both have offerings that will help you break the hold self-GASLIGHTING has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love.
I also invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform⊠Iâm on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.
And remember â you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, youâre a phoenix and youâre rising again. I think itâs time we fly.
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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When you stop and do the math, what consumes most of your time? When you think about the relationships that may involve GASLIGHTING, what makes the top of your list? Was work your first or second response? If not, it might need to be. So today Iâm going to talk just a little bit about GASLIGHTING in the work environment.
Iâm Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I wanted to let you know about a FREE summit that is happening right now. The 2024 Choose Connection Summit. Itâs theme this year is: Strengthened by the Storm. This summit is the only one I am speaking at this year that is primarily focused on couples working on healing from the trauma of secret betrayal. If this is you, I encourage you to jump on this opportunity while itâs still FREE, and hear from not only me, but many other of the worldsâ leading experts in this field.
Story Time: Sarah has fun sharing the lyrics from the song, "9 to 5" by Dolly Parton, while also sharing some things to be aware of when trying to notice GASLIGHTING in your work environments.
GASLIGHTING in the workplace can be a very real, very disempowering, abusive experience. It causes confusion, depression, anxiety; it can take an intelligent, confident, super-qualified person and reduce them to a person who questions whether any decision they make it the right one or will be âgood enoughâ.
Top Take-Aways:
Look for ways DARVO may show up in the work world.Remember it's not always between your boss/management & you - OFTEN itâs between coworkers. Remember to stay connected to what you know to be true. Keep a record of what was said, when, by whom. Whether you do anything with this information or not depends on a LOT of the potential fallout of your actions.The main point is to not lose yourself and take on the other peopleâs perceptions. This is what will help you not get stuck in toxic work environments longer than you have to.As I wrap up today, I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize GASLIGHTING in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships.
I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform⊠Iâm on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.
And remember â you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, youâre a phoenix and youâre rising again. I think itâs time we fly.
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Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. Iâm your host, Sarah Morales. Todayâs episode may be one of the most difficult Iâve ever done, and thatâs because the topic is SO TRICKY. Itâs also super, super important. So, Iâm going to ask that you hang with us for a bit. If it feels like a sensitive topic to you, I invite you to give my guest and I just five to ten minutes to see our hearts and hear how we unpack todayâs topic. That topic is about the ways GASLIGHTING and religion intersects, and the myriad of ways thatâs playing out in both our individual and corporate lives.
Bio: My guest today is no stranger to the pod... Ms. Jenni Rochelle!
Story Time: Sarah and Jenni start by talking about the difference between faith (a belief) and religion (a system), in the hopes of setting the stage for a safe place to ask the questions and challenge any toxicity we may see in the religious systems we find ourselves in. They share some of the most common ways people experience religious GASLIGHTING/abuse.
Top Take-Aways:
Look for signs of religious gaslighting: feeling a LOT of fear, shame or coercion; experiencing isolation/being told not to trust ânon-believersâ; inconsistency in messaging and/or inconsistency between messaging and living things out; the dogma of there being only one ârightâ way (values; how to be a good person, etc.) and look for incongruence in yourself â when you canât âshakeâ a bad feeling in your gut/soul/body Give yourself permission to ask questions⊠and keep asking them and seek out answers from a variety of sources â not just ones that will reinforce what youâve been told already by your âleadersâ. Be willing/ready to sit in the cognitive dissonance that this kind of work creates â that means youâre doing the work! Trust that the process will bring you to truth.If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website. I have offerings that will help you break the hold religious GASLIGHTING has had over you and help you step into self-trust and Radical self-love.
I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform⊠Iâm on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.
And remember â you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, youâre a phoenix and youâre rising again. I think itâs time we fly.
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This episode is going to be a tough one. Today my guest and I are going to talk about racial and cultural gaslighting. I say this is going to be a tough one, because as a white woman who, for the majority of her life, lived as a white, cis-gender, heterosexual, Christian woman, I was near the top of privilege â EVEN though I didnât know it. And thatâs kind of the point â when we are gaslit, we donât realize weâve taken on other peopleâs thoughts, beliefs, values, feelings, or perspectives as our own. So, we need to have this conversation to bring awareness to places weâve either experienced or been an unintentional part of perpetuating the system that gaslights the Bipoc community.
I want to get my message of clarity and hope around gaslighting in front of more people. If you know of a podcast or conference where my messages would benefit the listeners/attendees, will you email me here and let me know?
My guest today is Tara Beall-Gomes. Check out her website here!
Story Time: Sarah and Tara discuss a variety of ways gaslighting and racial discrimination intersect. Itâs important to note that they are doing this as two white women who are trying to learn and be a part of the change. Their hearts are to help raise awareness on this important topic!
Top Take-Aways: (For white people)
Donât be "colorblind". To see color means, I see you. Wait to be assigned allyship. We canât just assign that label to ourselves.Get educated/trainingâŠ. Get involved.Share spaces with our Bipoc people.More about the Deconstructing Gaslighting training and certification for therapists and life coaches. The aim is to create a standard of care for people who have been impacted by gaslighting experiences. If you want to heal from the effects of gaslighting, AND you already have a coach or therapist, I encourage you to advocate for yourself and tell them youâd love it if THEY could support you and guide you as you go through my programs. They can do this by going through the training. IF you are a coach or therapist, I encourage you to go check out the webpage that goes into detail about what youâll get in the training.
Iâd love to interact with you! We can do that on your preferred social media platform⊠Iâm on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. If youâd like to follow Tara, she is on Facebook and Instagram.
And remember â you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, youâre a phoenix and youâre rising again. I think itâs time we fly.
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Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast, and welcome to a new month, with a new theme. This month weâre going to be exploring different areas or relationships people experience gaslighting in, and weâre going to start with the one that people are typically MOST aware of â gaslighting in their intimate partnership. And Iâm REALLY excited today, because Iâm brining on a woman who gives representation to a demographic that is sorely under-represented â but whatever demographic you find yourself in, Iâm sure youâre going to be able to relate to things she share about the gaslighting she experienced in her 43 year marriage.
Thank you for being a part of this community. Iâd love for you to follow me AND interact with me on your preferred social media platform where we can interact⊠Iâm on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.
Story Time: Sarah and her guest, Pat, talk about what is was like for Pat to experience GASLIGHTING in her over 40 years of marriage!
Top Take-Aways: Things that I thought could be some take-aways from my and Patâs conversation:
Notice when youâre putting all your focus on the other person, and instead focus on yourself!
Ask yourself the âbetter questionâ â what is and is not okay with me in this relationshipWhen you look at the amount of work your person is putting into the relationship and their own healing, ask yourself, is it enough for me?If/when they say theyâre doing their best, remind yourself that just because itâs their best, that doesnât mean it has to be good enough for you. Learn to be the love of your own life.And remember â you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, youâre a phoenix and youâre rising again. I think itâs time we fly.
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Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast, Iâm your host, Sarah Morales, and todayâs episode it going to be a bit different.
On Tuesday of last week, I put the final touches on my next speaking opportunity at a summit. The theme of the summit is post-traumatic growth, and my title, "I no longer fear the storm". Irony can be a bitch, because on Wednesday â the very next day â a bomb my ex built probably 15 years ago blew up.
So today I wanted to talk a bit about what itâs been like for me the past few days, and the observations I have about how allllll the work that Iâve been doing for the past 13 years is serving me â big time! Side note, if you're interested, my talk with be at the Daring Ventures Summit.
Top Take-Aways:
Reminder/experience solidarity - that you are NOT aloneFeel inspiration or hopeWhat can we learn from Sarah's post-traumatic growth?SUPPORT TEAM is CRUCIALSELF-CARE is a mustHEALTHY DISTRACTION, spending time in your ZONE OF COMPETENCE/GENIUSGive yourself PERMISSION TO FUNCTION AT LOWER LEVELSBE GENTLE WITH YOURSELFTry giving GOOD, CLEAR COMMUNICATION - especially around things you have AWARENESS OF around your TRAUMA SYMPTOMSFind/gather INFORMATION THAT LEADS TO EMPOWERMENTI wanted to let any new listeners know about the many resources I have on my website.
I also wanted to invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform, where we can connect and even interact! Iâm on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.
And remember â you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, youâre a phoenix and youâre rising again. I think itâs time we fly.
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How much did you talk about sex and human sexuality growing up? What were the messages you got about sex and sexuality religiously, culturally, or even racially? I imagine MANY of you were like me and didnât necessarily have many direct conversations about sex and sexuality, but oh were the messages you received culturally and religious LOUD!
So, today, my guest and I are going to talk about how gaslighting has impacted the way so many of us think and feel about sex and human sexuality. My hope for this episode is to raise awareness, help us step out of any shame or messages of ânot enoughâ we may carry, and be freer to be in alignment with our authentic self when it comes to sex and our sexuality.
Bio: My guest today is MJ Denis, a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Texas. She is also an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist and an APSATS-Certified Partner Trauma Specialist.
Story Time: Sarah and MJ talk about the way gaslighting and sexual issues intersect. From "Purity culture" to how many times a week you have sex with your intimate partner - they cover a lot of relevant topics with both candidness and education.
Top Take-Aways:
Look for signs of gaslighting around sex and sexuality by specifically paying attention to confusion and self-doubt. Practice communication with your partner (when it's safe to do so). Look for cognitive dissonance (feeling like you have to choose between either self-abandonment and keeping the relationship OR staying connected to your truth and losing the relationship).If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out the programs I offer on my website. If you want to know more about ETT and the therapy MJ offers, go to her website.
And here is my weekly invitation for you to follow me on your preferred social media platform⊠Iâm on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Those are the spaces where you can leave comments, and we can interact, and I would really enjoy having conversations with my podcast listeners!
And remember â you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, youâre a phoenix and youâre rising again. I think itâs time we fly.
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"It is literally impossible to be a woman. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow, we're always doing it wrong.
"You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So, find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful.
You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! (Abridged quote from "Barbie")
Greta Gerwig, in an interview with The Atlantic said: "I was just sobbing, and then I looked around, and I realized everybodyâs crying on the set. The men are crying too, because they have their own speech, they feel they canât ever give, you know? And they have their twin tightrope, which is also painful."
So today my guest and I are going to dive into the topic of double standards, based on our genders.
If youâre new here, I wanted to let you know about the FREE webinar I have on my website. Itâs a video that teaches you about the necessary foundations and a format you can follow to give you the ability to stay connected to yourself while having to communicate with your gaslighter. You can find that on my website.
Story Time: Sarah and Collen have a fun, sassy, and in-depth conversation connecting GASLIGHTING with the way double standards are perpetuated.
Top Take-Aways:
"I give myself permission" to get curious around where my thoughts, values, feelings & perspectives are coming from when there are double standards present. Remember - you don't have to do anything immediately about what you learn/find out - just find out!Don't let YOURSELF be limited by the double standards people are trying to put on you!I wanted to invite you interact with me on your preferred social media platform⊠Facebook, Instagram or TikTok.
And remember â you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, youâre a phoenix and youâre rising again. I think itâs time we fly.
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There was this popular video from the Daily Show where Desi talks about how sheâs trying to understand the male experience better by acting like a man: getting paid more for no reason, interrupting people more, mansplaining, and gaslighting via invalidating the other personâs feelings and telling them to calm down & donât act crazy. And while it is funny, itâs taking on a serious topic â misogyny. In todayâs episode, I have a special guest who is doing ground-breaking work on the topic of a VERY specific type of domestic abuse. She has named this Betrayal Violence. And weâre going to dig into not only what misogyny is, but unapologetically talk about internalized misogyny.
If youâre new here, I wanted to encourage you to go to my website and sign up for my newsletter â that way you can be in the know about any conferences Iâm speaking at, specials Iâm running, or new programs Iâm releasing. And whether youâre new here or been with me since the beginning, Iâm so glad youâre here.
Bio: My guest today is Hope Ray, of the Betrayal Violence Institute (website)
Story Time: Sarah and Hope discuss the difference between misogyny, chauvinism and sexism, and get curious about how misogyny and internalize misogyny show up - and, most importantly, how we can unknowingly perpetuate it.
Chauvinism: the unreasonable belief in the superiority or dominance of one's own group or people, who are seen as strong and virtuous, while others are considered weak, unworthy, or inferior. Sexism: the belief that the members of one sex are less intelligent, able, skilful, etc. than the members of the other sex, especially that women are less able than men Internalized misogyny is a subconscious way of degrading yourself and other women based on sexist ideas of how women should act, dress or speak. -
I have yet to know a human who has not made concessions in at least one of their relationships â between the gaslighting that we experience in our families, religious establishments, society, friendships, and intimate partners, itâs near impossible to not internalize things that cause us to doubt the validity of our desires and needs, and when that has happened, what is and is not okay in a relationship becomes blurry⊠so we settle⊠and so, so many of us end up lowering our bar in our relationships. In fact, Iâve had many clients sadly say their bar ended up on the ground. Today, my guest and I are going to share stories and insights from our own lives, and in doing so, hope to inspire you to Raise your bar sis!
In case you missed it last week, I have got a REALLY exciting offering for you today! I am about to partner with WORTH to do a special adaptation of my empowerment program. In this class, you get LIVE teaching & LIVE Q and A time with me, and you get to do this with other women whose questions and insights will add to your own journey. Canât make the live class? You can watch the recordings, submit your questions via an online document, and Iâll answer your question in the next class! All this for about 1/3 the cost of what it would be to do a group cohort with me. If youâre interested, please go here. Class begins March 6th.
Story Time: Sarah and Annie talk about times that they made concessions and settled for less than you wanted and/or needed, and ended up lowering their bar. From exes, to new people they were dating, to friendships and jobs - what happened, WHY it happened, and how they learned how to stop self-abandoning and making concessions!
Top Take-Aways:
If self-love feels too big, start with self-acceptance; and if self-acceptance feels too big, start with self-awareness. Externalize your relationship with yourself, and then view that relationship like you do the people you love - are you loving yourself well - FIRST?Set mutuality/reciprocity as the place you set your bar - don't settle for less than you give.If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life and robbed you of being able to be free to be you (and make those concessions), check out my website. I have a number of offerings that will help you break the hold gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love.
Also, please follow me on your preferred social media platform, and connect with me there! Iâd love to hear your thoughts, questions, and feedback, and that is where we can do that! Iâm on Facebook, Instagram, and Tiktok.
And remember â you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, youâre a phoenix and youâre rising again. I think itâs time we fly.
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âI hate how often you are forced to define yourself by your marriage status⊠now I have to check the âdivorcedâ box on whatever form Iâm filling out. But all they give you is a box. No place to clarify. No place to explain⊠only a label.â Suzanne Reeves. Only a label.
Single. Married. Divorced. Or even, âItâs complicatedâ lol. All of us, at least at one point in our lives, was single. So, one would think it is a completely normal and valid way of living or phase of life. And yet â not only has being single been presented as being âless thanâ, itâs also a label that has been slapped on people and made them to feel âotherâ. So today my guest and I are going to talk about the mountains of gaslighting messages that intersect with being âsingleâ.
I have got a REALLY exciting offering for you today! If you have ever thought about or wanted to go through my empowerment program, but were on the fence about it, now is the time to sign up, and hereâs why. Twice a year I do a special adaptation as I partner with WORTH. I take my 12-lesson program and condense it into an eight-week class for about 1/3 the cost of what it would normally be to do a group cohort with me. If youâre interested, please go to WORTH Education Series | WORTH to learn more and register. The class begins March 6th.
My guest today is Heidi Monuteaux. Heidi is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) and provides services for those who reside in Washington State, Idaho and Utah.
Story Time:
Reminder: gaslighting is when we end up taking on thoughts, feelings, perspectives, beliefs, and values as our own, at the hands of hidden behaviors. Overarchingly, gaslighting around our marriage status occurs the most through brainwashing/indoctrination, coercion and manipulation.Pay special attention to minimization of a single personâs fulfillment/happiness.Top Take-Aways:
Give yourself permission to call out the GASLIGHT-Y things people say (they don't have to be evil).Get curious about how YOU have thought about your worthiness as a single person vs being in an intimate partnership. Define: alone, content, happy, fulfilled, etc. - for yourself!Figure out what YOU want your life to look like and define that for yourself!If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life and robbed you of being able to be free to be you, check out my and Heidiâs websites. We both have offerings that will help you break the hold gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love.
Follow me and Heidi on your preferred social media platform⊠Iâm on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok; Heidi is on
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Love is an interesting thing. As both a word and a concept, it can be confusing, full of pressure, unrealistic expectations, and loss â AND, there are SO many ways we experience GASLIGHTING around what love is, how we should love, WHO we should love, where we find love, etc. And today, my guest and I will dive in to talk about the impact GASLIGHTING has had on this thing we call âLOVEâ.
If you want to be in the know about special deals on my programs, new things Iâm launching, conferences Iâll be speaking at, and lots of other helpful information and tools, sign up for my newsletter by visiting my website.
Bio: My guest today is Jenni Rochelle. Jenni is the creator of Love of Your Life Coaching - she is a life coach, mentor and spiritual director for women and couples healing from relational trauma BUT still want happy, healthy and intimate relationships with themselves and others. She is the host of the Beauty After Betrayal podcast with new episodes coming in 2024!
Story Time: Sarah and Jenni talk about a number of ways GASLIGHTING has impacted this thing we call love - from the notion of "love of my life" to "Twin Flames" to misogynistic undertones.
Top Take-Aways:
You get to define love, by getting clear on the values that you would use to describe what love does/says, etc. Use bell hook's definition of love as "guardrails"/goals: "âLove is a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect, and trust.âProtect yourself from "Love-bombing" by not falling for the message that safe love = boring.If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my and Jenniâs websites.
I encourage you to follow me and Jenni on your preferred social media platform⊠Iâm on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok, and Jenni is on Instagram.
And remember â you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, Youâre a phoenix and youâre rising again. I think itâs time we fly.
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The theme this month is: LOVE. This is going to be a month of unpacking a few of the top ways I see the topic of âLOVEâ and Gaslighting intersecting. AND weâre going to start it off with an amazing colleague that put up a post on social media that read, âembracing your authentic self without fear of rejection can be accomplished when you stop rejecting yourself first.â
Can you relate to that statement at all? I messaged her immediately and said, âThis! This is what I want to talk about on the pod!â.
If you want to be in the know about special deals on my programs, new things Iâm launching, conferences Iâll be speaking at, and lots of other helpful information and tools, sign up for my newsletter here.
Bio: My guest today is Amie Woolsey. Amie Woolsey is a certified betrayal trauma life coach and Brainspotting Practitioner. She has helped hundreds of people reclaim their lives after abuse, betrayal & or divorce, using her extensive experience and holistic approach to healing the heart, mind, and body. There are multiple resources available created by Amie, alongside opportunities for both group and private coaching. Amie is the co-host of The Choose to BE Podcast, creator and host of The Empowered Divorce Podcast, is affiliated with Safe Space, and creator of her signature program, Believing In You, Divorce 101 and Intimacy Within.
Story Time: Sarah and Amie have a candid conversation about a variety of ways external gaslighting led to internalizing those messages, which resulted in a variety of ways they rejected themselves... AND about a few key things that helped them in their journey BACK to themselves.
Top Take-Aways:
There were a number of take-aways throughout the episode, but here I'll list the three pillars Amie mentioned as her pillars of coaching. They are: Awareness, Acceptance, and Agency. Awareness = getting curious when we are "spinning" and feeling uncertain;Acceptance = the release of self-judgement;Agency = when we accept we gain clarity, and are able to move into changing any behaviors we want to.If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my and Amieâs websites. We both have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love.
I encourage you to follow me and Amie on your preferred social media platform⊠Iâm on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Amie is also on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.
And remember â you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, Youâre a phoenix and youâre rising again. I think itâs time we fly.
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This is a story about control, my control. Control of what I say, control of what I do. And this time I'm gonna do it my way. For those of you too young to recognize those opening phrases, thatâs from Janet Jacksonâs song, âControlâ. Not only is being called âcontrollingâ, or some version of that sentiment, one of the most used gaslighting phrases Iâve heard, most people who experience chronic gaslighting have very LITTLE control.
In todayâs episode, Iâm going to unpack how the way I work with gaslighting helps my clients move into an energy of, âyouâre damn right Iâm controllingâ.
If you missed it, you have one more day to get 50% off my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video course by using the code: Season2Pod. The code expires February 1st.
This week, I wanted to talk about how the focus I have around gaslighting enables us to step into a much more empowered place when we are dealing with someone who is doing gaslighting behaviors, or if weâve left that relationship, how we can take back what we lost.
The scale of progression of effects:Confusion to self-doubt to internal conflict (cognitive dissonance) to being overwhelmed/worn out to giving in/discard reality to loss of self.Loss of self = knowing self (values, wants, needs), trusting self (boundaries), loving self, and connection to self (personality)Other definitions = main focus is intent and behaviors of the gaslighter. The gaslightee is secondary. My definition = focus is EQUAL.
Old definition = things we canât be certain of (intent and level of awareness of another person). My definition = focus on thigs WE can know (behaviors and impact on us).
Car analogy â One scenario, two experiences. One where the person is gaslit and has no control; the other is an example of being in control. Control of ourselves, our safety, our awareness, and of what we do and do not allow in our relationships.
Top Take-Aways:
"The more gaslighting I experience, the more I lose connection with myself. I am NOT alone in this. I do not need to feel ANY shame for this.While itâs important to recognize gaslighting when itâs happening, the MORE important thing to be aware of is ME â what I need for my safety; what I am thinking/feeling/needing/wanting; what I am and am NOT okay with in any relationship. "When it comes to my well-being, youâre damn right Iâm controlling â itâs my sacred self-responsibility!"Don't forget about my DG Conversations webinar. Here I take you through my R2C2 process,
which is Resolve, Connect, Release, and Confidence. If you resonated with a lot
of what I spoke about today, then this is for you â and itâs FREE.
I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform⊠Iâm on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.
And remember â you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, youâre a phoenix and youâre rising again. I think itâs time we fly.
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Do you ever wonder if the behavior another person is doing is a gaslighting behavior or something else? Many of the old definitions of gaslighting are vague, and as a result, have generated a lot of confusion and mis-labeling. Sometimes, people ARE doing gaslighting behaviors. Sometimes, theyâre just being an asshole. In this episode, Iâll give you some beginning tips to help you sort out what is what.
If you missed it last week, Iâm running a special until January 31, where you can get 50% off my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video course by using the code: Season2Pod.
Last week I talked about my new definition, and how it helps us see that gaslighting CAN be gaslighting BOTH when someone is intentionally doing it AND when they donât realize theyâre doing it.
This week letâs talk about what it takes for something to be gaslighting vs the person is just straight-up being an asshole.
My definition = behavior & experienceBehavior has to be covert = hiddenThe gaslighter doesnât have to be aware that what they are doing is a covert behavior - it can be a learned behavior, a defense mechanism to shame or fear, as well as a number of other things. Experience has to be CONVINCED or take on the gaslighter's perceptions/beliefs/thoughts/feelings â as your own Two ways something that is NOT gaslighting, but is mistaken for it:
The intended victim doesnât bend; they donât take on what the gaslighting person is trying to convince them ofThe behavior the âoffenderâ is doing, while maybe mean/cruel/abusive, it NOT covert.Top Take-Aways: (5-10 min)
So much of what happens with gaslighting results in confusion and self-doubt. I propose a top take-away is that the more you know and understand about gaslighting, the less likely you are to get sucked into gaslighting experiences. Reflecting on the second example I gave, and how the woman did NOT bend, I suggest using this question when you are confused or feeling that self-doubt: "Whether or not Iâm 100% correct in my thoughts/beliefs/perspective, how would a loving, caring, thoughtful (partner, friend, parent) respond?"A mantra for self-validation and grounding yourself in truth: âWhether my person is gaslighting me or just being an asshole, this behavior is not okay. I deserve to be loved well.âIf you want to understand more about the things Iâve been talking about in my
podcast this month, go purchase my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video
series. Itâs just $22.50 US, and you can get immediate access from my website.
AND, through the month of January, you can get it at 50% off! Use promo code
Season2Pod.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, or Tiktok.
Remember â you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, Youâre a phoenix and youâre rising
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A little over three months ago, a colleague sent me a link to a post where the author said, âGaslighting is intentionally psychologically manipulating someone else into questioning their own sanity and/or reality. It is impossible for victims to gaslight themselves.â I deliberated as to whether or not I should jump into the conversation. I did. And I ended up being blacklisted. In todayâs episode, Iâll share some of the misconceptions about gaslighting that fueled this posterâs views, and why my views are shaking up the gaslighting world (I think, for the best!).
Iâm Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and to go along with this monthâs theme of âNewâ, and understanding the new ways my views of gaslighting can impact your life or the life of someone that you love, Iâm running a special for the rest of January. From now until January 31, get 50% off my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video course by using the code: Season2Pod.
Letâs break this down:
Old definition of GASLIGHTING = level of awareness & motive + vague behavior = small picture of effect/impact. THIS IS A LIMITING DEFINTIONLundy Bancroft, the author of âWhy Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men,â said, âAbusive behavior and an abusive mindset are two different things. The former is a choice, while the latter is a deeply ingrained belief system.â 1
New definition/my definition = type of behavior (covert) = clear description of effect/impactThis definition is expansive; allows for MORE people to find understanding, validation, etc.
People donât want to let go = somehow invalidating their trauma and/or abuse.When people gaslight = harm, regardless of level of awareness/intention, etc.Top Take-Aways:
What comes up as I talked about my new definition, and the fact that a gaslighter does NOT have to be intentionally trying to break/control you? Dig a little deeper â what is behind those thoughts/feelings? For example, if youâre feeling resistant, and thinking they have to be aware/doing it intentionally, ask yourself, âWhy does that matter? What would be different if they werenât aware? Would that change how you have to respond? Would that mean youâd have to have different boundaries, etc.?Consider what you know about gaslighting, and what you NEED to know, in order to get clarity about your relationships.A mantra for self-validation: No matter the level of awareness or intention, it doesnât change that I donât accept gaslighting behaviors in my relationships.If you want to understand more about the different reasons people do gaslighting behaviors and the different levels of awareness, sign up for my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video series. Through the month of January, you can get it at 50% off! Use promo code Season2Pod.
Follow me on your preferred social media platform⊠Iâm on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.
Thank you, and remember â you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, Youâre a phoenix and youâre rising again. I think itâs time we fly.
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Welcome back to DG the podcast, and welcome TO season 2! Iâm super excited to bring a different flavor to the way I talk about gaslighting and its connection to so many different aspects of our lives!
The theme this month is: NEW â as in new ways to understand and talk about GASLIGHTING! And today, weâre starting off with a HUGE bang as I interview one of the men in recovery that I have been working with for the past five years! Think people who gaslight canât change â this interview will help you see that MANY (though definitely not ALL) can!
Iâm Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and if you want to be in the know about special deals on my programs, new things Iâm launching, conferences Iâll be speaking at, and lots of other helpful information and tools, sign up for my newsletter by visiting my website here.
The guest today is Jeremy, a man in recovery, and has been sober for 10 years!
Story Time: Sarah and Jeremy talk about things that were at the root of Jeremyâs gaslighting, things that helped him understand what he was doing and the impact, and some word of encouragement for both the gaslighter and gaslightee!
Top Take-Aways:
Getting out of all or nothing/black and white thinking about gaslighters.People have options about their relationships with people who do gaslighting behaviors.There is hope that some (not all) gaslighters can heal and change.Action Steps:
Education about gaslighting & holding boundaries.As I wrap up today, I wanted to let you know that if you want to understand more about the different reasons people may do gaslighting behaviors as well as the different levels of awareness, I go into great detail in my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video series. Itâs just $22.50 US.
I encourage you to follow me on your preferred social media platform: Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok.
And remember â you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, youâre a phoenix and youâre rising again. I think itâs time we fly.
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Welcome back to Deconstructing Gaslighting, the podcast â SEASON TWO!
In season 2, Iâm going to change things up a bit â who I am, how Iâm showing up in the world, and what I want to give to the world â has evolved â In large part due to the things Iâve been doing over the past year. And I think youâll notice right away with the change in the theme song â titled, âPhoenixâ! Let me read a few of the lyrics:
'Cuz I crashed and burned, and broke and hurt, and laid there for a while
But now I donât choke When I see smoke
It only makes me smile
Youâll find me in the furnace; Youâll find me in the flames
'Cuz baby Iâm a phoenix - And Iâm rising again
Youâll find me in the darkness - Breaking my chains
Cuz baby Iâm a phoenix - And Iâm rising again
More than ever before, Iâve stepped into my power this past year, and Iâm ready to step into the fire with you and help you rise again with the messages Iâm bringing in 2024.
Hereâs what DG the podcast, season 2, is going to bring to you: each month, Iâm going to highlight a different topic, and how that topic intersects with GASLIGHITNG. For example, January is all about the NEW/different ways we need to be talking about and understanding gaslighting. February is going to be about LOVE & GASLIGHITNG. September is going to be about PARENTING & GASLIGHITNG. Sometimes Iâll have guests, sometimes it will just be me flying solo.
Whatever the case is, Iâm excited to bring new information, tools, laughter, and sass.
And remember â you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt,
but damn it, youâre a phoenix and youâre rising again. I think itâs time we fly.
And now, Phoenix, by Katrina StoneâŠ
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Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting, where today, Sarah and her guest have an important conversation around systemic/collective gaslighting. THIS can be one of the hardest places to undo the effects of gaslighting. Join Sarah and her AMAZING guest as they laugh, share personal stories, geek out, and give some super-helpful tips to break free and effect change â personally AND systemically.
Come follow Sarah on TikTok. Sheâs putting out some fun, but also very informative content, and believes it can only add to the things weâre learning together!
Word of the day: In their conversation, Sarahâs guest today identifies four Aâs to help us. Two of them are amends and atone. Itâs important to describe the difference â both as something we must do, AND as something we get to require from those who have gaslit us and/or broken trust with us. According to wikidiff.com, As verbs, the difference between amend and atone is that amend is to make better while atone is to make reparation, compensation, or amends, for an offence or a crime or a sin one has committed. Make BETTER AND REPAIR. That make better part â thatâs called raising the bar, siss, and the both/and here is that we get to ask for it as much as we do it.
The guest today is Bella J Rockman. Bella is a social scientist, neuropsychotherapist, and mental health media correspondent. Check out her JRock Therapy Academy and follow her on Instagram today!
Story Time: Listen in as Sarah and Bella cover multiple facets as they have a candid conversation on the topics of collective/systemic gaslighting â where theyâve seen it, experienced it, and what we can do to change it!
Set Your Alarm:
Bella shared âThe Four Aâsâ âright off the divine domeâ. When, how, where, how many of these do you need to step in to?
AcknowledgeAmendAtoneActionSarah stated, âWe must ask, Is there more truth here than what Iâve been told?â
And remember â itâs not about becoming who you want to be, itâs about awakening all that you already are!
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