Afleveringen
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Dark romance and pitch black romance author Ellie Sanders joins kirizal and S this week to talk about these often stigmatised genres, her writing, and lots more! Ellie tells U/us about navigating social media reactions, censorship in the self-publishing world, and her experience of her first book ban. We dive into what it is that writers and readers get out of these books, and the crossover with the world of kink where people search for a path to explore dark ideas in a controlled environment, and whether dark romance and related genres represent kink well - or even if they need to? Plus, Ellie teases her upcoming book Decimation, the final book in The Brethren Lords series, and shares some insights into her impressive writing process, and kirizal reveals which of The Brethren Lords S most reminds them of.
Content Note: Discussion of traumatic past experiences - not detailed, consensual non-consent play, and fictional depictions of torture, sexual violence, and abuse. Mentions of death threats and sexual harrassment on social media.
Check out Ellie’s website here: https://www.hotsteamywriter.com
Signed books and merch at: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/EllieSandersBookNook
Follow Ellie on Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@elliesandersauthor
…and on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elliesandersauthor
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Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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It's time for another kinky movie night, and for the second time in a row kirizal suggested something slow paced and arty that S isn't all the way sold on! This time it's The Piano Teacher, talking about how sadism and masochism are explored in a way that is separate from negotiated and consensual kink, an interesting twist on corruption themes, and how this movie invites the viewer to experience isolation, disconnection, and discomfort right along with its characters. Plus, the notorious and ambiguous ending, the uncomfortable questions it forces the audience to ask, and the shifting balances of power.
Content Note: Major spoilers for The Piano Teacher throughout, in depth discussion of sexual violence, abuse (including emotional incest). Due to the content and themes of the movie, discussion around whether or not a scene depicting sexual violence is or is not non-consensual and ambiguous/extremely dubious consent. Self harm mention. Mentions of real life abuse history.
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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What goes into planning for a public play event? In this episode, kirizal and S talk about the considerations for planning a public scene - fetiquette, rules, equipment, time, and the role of the audience - love the attention or terrified of it, they’re there! Then, W/we get into some actual planning - see how W/we plan four days worth of scenes for an upcoming event, including the much anticipated second interrogation.
Content Note: Discussion of breath play, blood play, consensual non-consent play including simulated sexual assault, burns, and historical torture
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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This week, kirizal and S are talking periods. While period sex doesn't necessarily have to be a kink, it can be - and W/we talk about what this does for U/us. S shares why They took a while to get on board with getting bloody, W/we talk about the impact of misogyny on how periods and period sex are seen, and the emotionally masochistic intersection of dysphoria and pleasure for kirizal. Plus - period sex isn't gross... BUT. How W/we get gross and degrading in O/our play.
Content Notes: Discussion of blood play (other than periods), sexual coercion/pressure in relationships, and brief mention of CNC and fantasies about sexual assault.
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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This week’s guests are Duncan, one of the founders of Newcastle Leathermen, and Tea, a bootblack and Newcastle Leathermen’s first nonbinary member. Plus Tea’s partner popping in with an occasional comment! O/our guests share the power of community, culture differences between Leather communities and the Fetlife-based kink scene, visibility and how Newcastle Leathermen navigate venues and social media, bootblacking and why this role is so valued, and an overview of Leather history and its impact.
Find out more about Newcastle Leathermen at https://www.newcastleleathermen.com/
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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This week, kirizal and S are chatting about sexual orientation - from O/our coming out stories (one at 14, and one at 41!), kirizal’s multiple coming outs and the pan vs bi distinction, T4T dating, and whether O/our kink identities are a part of sexual orientation for U/us. Plus - outsourcing the terrifying task of talking to women, hot takes from S and the usual soapbox moments from kirizal.
Content Note: Discussions of homophobia and biphobia
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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Adult babies Jen and Tealeaves sat down with kirizal and S this week to share their experiences - through all the noise of stigma and misconceptions, they share the authenticity and joy of little space, kink as a core part of identity, the intimacy of vulnerability, and lots more. Plus - censorship and recent legal challenges, a fascinating diversion into inducing lactation, and Jen's plans to make an ABDL romcom (W/we are already so sat - someone please, fund it!).
Content Note: Detailed discussion of diaper wearing and use, kinkshaming and stigma, and some conversation about misogyny and transphobia as elements of kink play.
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
And visit @Tealeaves_ on Fetlife, and @Jenby_Doll on Fetlife and X Videos
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It's Pride Month, so in the first of O/our queer focused episodes kirizal and S jump straight in with the annual discourse topic, does kink belong at Pride? W/we also chat about O/our first Prides, the commercialisation and coorporate involvement in Pride season, bystander consent, children and families at Pride, purity culture and the very British fear of acknowleding sex, and lots more! kirizal also manages to make S feel "a bit sick" which, given some of the stuff that they say on a regular basis, is quite impressive.
There's a bit of a hum in the background of part of this one - mainly at the start and fades pretty quick once it gets going - once again technology has been vexing U/us. Apologies!
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials plus O/our merch at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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After the S-heavy long distance episode, W/we thought it was kirizal's turn to have the spotlight and dive into one of their specialist topics - addiction and recovery. kirizal spent most of their 20s battling mental health issues which spiralled into drug dependency and a crisis that almost cost them their life. In this episode W/we talk about that journey through into recovery, unmasking the darker side of 12 step programs, and kirizal's post-recovery life and the shift to a recovery-capital based moderation approach. But what does that have to do with kink? W/we talk about pleasure-seeking as a coping mechanism, neurodiversity crossovers, self-medicating of shame, and the complex relationship people can have with control and surrender. Plus, at the centre of it all connection - the healing power of community.
Content Note: This is an emotional one - detailed discussion of drug use including intravenous drug use, overdose, suicide attempt, suicide, pet death, transphobia, shame, "13th stepping" sexual abuse, domestic violence and sexual assault within 12 step groups.
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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Lana and Edward join kirizal and S to give U/us an introduction into the wild world of erotic hypnosis. Navigating censorship to find resources, what appeals about the closest thing to magic and mind control that people can tap into, favourite experiences and riskiest mistakes, managing risk, and an overview of how it works. This episode may have unlocked a new kink for U/us - and offers a fascinating insight into an often hidden area of kink.
Content Note: Discussion of psychology heavy play including false perception of serious injury, inability to recognise a partner, and reduced intelligence General themes of mind control and heavy consensual non-consent. Discussion of high risk play and ethically grey areas.
Check out @HipHypnotist on Fetlife for resources on hypno play
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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Once again kirizal and S are watching a movie, and James Spader is playing a pervert (with hair)! This week W/we're discussing the 1996 movie Crash - but if you haven't seen it, come on in, the plot is light and the episode gets deep! W/we're here for the controversy and censorship that surrounded Crash on release, the intersection between sex, technology, and urban isolation, and asking the question does representation matter when fetishism is portrayed so far outside reality? Plus - what is non-diagetic kink, what can Crash tell U/us about how the eroticisation of a universal threat works, and a look at intensity as a kink in itself.
Content Note: This episode contains - as you might expect - discussion of car crashes, including injuries and fatalities. W/we also discuss consensual non-consent play including simulated sexual assault, fantasies about sexual assault, and misogyny.
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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This week, kirizal and S get into all the gory details of blood play. From the visual appeal to the perceived - if not always actual - intensity, W/we chat about what it does for U/us and the unique sensations. W/we share some memorable scenes - including the first time W/we met and the first time W/we had sex, plus chat toys and techniques, the details of planning a scene, and the all important safety and risk tips. Plus - S finds out for sure that They're not a masochist in quite a spiky way, and kirizal finally discovers a kink they don't like.
Content Note: Strong, bloody violence throughout! Discussion includes needles, scalpels, spiky impact play, menstruation, and consensual non-consent play.
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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BDSM model and author Ariel Anderssen (who is also kirizal's sister!) - joins U/us on the podcast this week. She shares her story of overcoming shame from a Jehovah's Witness upbringing and healing from abuse, discovering kink in the time before Fetlife, and stories from her long and impressive career. Plus - feminism and kink, kink community outside the munch and play event scene, and the impact of increasing censorship on the adult industry.
Content Note: Discussion of religious shame and the impact of child abuse
Ariel's new book, Dirty, is coming in early June. It's now fully funded, and you can find more information here: https://www.arielanderssenauthor.com/dirty
Follow Ariel on Substack: https://arielanderssen.substack.com/
Follow Ariel on X (NSFW Images): https://x.com/ArielAnderssen
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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This week, S takes the lead with Their first time writing the episode outline (exciting!) as W/we tackle the topic of long distance relationships. While kirizal has never dated further than a couple of counties over, S spent three years in a relationship at a distance of 4000 miles. Covering the joy and creativity of long distance love, the challenges of supporting a partner when you can’t just pop over for a hug, how sex works when you rely on a phone line and a bluetooth connection, and navigating discipline and structure in power exchange when a submissive is unsupervised. And kirizal asks the hard hitting question - did S take dick pics?
Thanks to S’s ex partner for her behind the scenes perspective which was really valuable in shaping this episode!
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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This week, Lydia - founder of luxury bondage brand Kilter - joins kirizal and S to put the Business Development, Sales, and Marketing into BDSM. W/we chat about the challenges of promoting adult businesses on social media, the realities of starting a BDSM brand, her dad’s enthusiasm for her business, and life as a kinky lesbian.
Find more of Lydia at:
https://bykilter.com/
https://www.subtlebond.com/
https://www.instagram.com/lydiacoulter_
https://www.tiktok.com/@lydiacoulter__
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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In this episode, Mx and kirizal dig into shame, objectification, worthlessness, and all the messy emotions of degradation and humiliation. How these kinks can enhance O/our play, why they turn U/us on, and a deep dive into trauma play, body shaming, verbal degradation and humiliation, and "the umbrella of gross kinks". Plus - kirizal's journey into emotional masochism, negotiation and aftercare skills, and Mx discovers that kirizal doesn't know how to burp.
Content Note: This episode covers some heavy topics and common 'icks' throughout, in detail. Misogynistic and fatphobic language, mentions of transphobia play, child abuse, and CNC. More detailed discussion of bodily fluids including spit, vomit, piss, and scat, as well as body image, dysmorphia, and weight loss.
For more education on emotional sadomasochism, W/we recommend Vahavta whose work can be found at kinkbeyondlimits.com
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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Enthusiastic findom newbies kirizal and S dive into the controversial subject of playing with money. W/we chat about the politics of playing with the power of capitalism, the taboo of talking about money in relationships, and why financial domination carries so much stigma and shame. Plus - ethics and safety, the symbolism and meaning behind giving and receiving money, and how findom works for U/us in the context of an ongoing and intimate relationship.
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
LAST CHANCE - Voting closes 2nd April, so if you haven’t please vote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45
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This week, W/we’re bigger than ever - talking big dicks, big toys, and fisting. kirizal dives into what’s going on with their size kink, while S is in it for the objectification and mad science. W/we tackle the age old question of does size matter, chat porn dick and dick pics, and discuss the appeal of non-standard sex toys. Plus - safety, stretching tips, and kirizal forces S to accept compliments.
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
Vote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45
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This week, Bunny and L join kirizal and S for a chat about the sillier and more lighthearted side of kink - WAM (wet and messy) and looner (balloon) kinks! Bunny is an adult content creator and takes U/us through their adventures of discovering new desires through performance, experiences of running specialist kink events, and what the draw is of these desires. L - one of their partners - shares their experiences of being along for the ride and the kinks they acquire along the way. Clown energy and giggles on the podcast this week - with, as always, some filth and diversions.
Find more of Bunny at https://allmylinks.com/ukchubbybunny
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
Vote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45
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Time for another kinky movie, and this time it’s Secretary. kirizal and S talk about relatability in awkwardness, agency in submission, and the joy in seeing kink on screen represented as genuinely perverse and unpolished. Plus - masochism and self harm, neurodivergence in kink, and W/we find out if kirizal can read out a movie quote without crying.
Content Note: Spoilers for Secretary throughout, detailed discussion of self harm both in the movie and personal experience, discussion of consent issues including coercion and sexual harassment. The movie also includes a scene of domestic violence - which W/we don’t discuss in detail but do briefly reference.
There was a slight buzzing interference issue on this recording - hopefully not too troublesome and nothing like the chaos with the old mics! The upcoming episodes W/we’ve done so far are all clear so shouldn’t hear it again anytime soon (hopefully ever!)
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
Vote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45
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