Afleveringen
-
Who is Jesus? And, what does He mean to you?
-
Good morning, Five Minute Families. How are you doing today? Do you have running water? Indoor plumbing? A roof over your head? A meal today? 23 out of every 10,000 Americans have experienced homelessness, and over 11% of Americans are living below the poverty level. What do we do if we find our family is experiencing a financial crisis?
In 2 Kings, we read about a widow whose children would be taken into slavery in order to pay the family’s debts. This was standard practice back then. But, what family would ever want to be broken up simply for trying to live? Obviously, that is not standard practice today, but finding ourselves in tough financial times can happen to any family. So, let’s discuss five steps we need to take based on 2 Kings 4:1-7
(paraphrased slightly for time’s sake) [The widow] cried out to Elisha, “My God-fearing husband has died. Now, the creditor is coming to take my two children as his slaves.” Elisha asked her, “What can I do for you? Tell me, what do you have in the house?” She said, “Your servant has nothing in the house except a jar of oil.” Then he said, “Go out and borrow empty containers from all your neighbors. Do not get just a few. Then go in and shut the door behind you and your sons, and pour oil into all these containers. Set the full ones to one side.” So she left. After she had shut the door behind her and her sons, they kept bringing her containers, and she kept pouring. When they were full, she said to her son, “Bring me another container.” But he replied, “There aren’t any more.” Then the oil stopped. She went and told the man of God, and he said, “Go sell the oil and pay your debt; you and your sons can live on the rest.”
So, what can we learn from this story?
First, appeal to God. The widow appealed to God’s prophet Elisha, but we have the privilege of going directly to our heavenly Father. Bring your prayers and outpouring of fear, concerns, and frustrations to the Lord. He can handle hearing all of it, even if it is from a situation you or someone in your family created.
Second, be willing to use what you already have. Sometimes, God drops manna from heaven because He knows we have no resources. And, other times, He will expect us to be aware of our current blessings and abilities, so mark them all down. Leave nothing out. Maybe you are great at cleaning the house as a family. Ask your church if they need extra hands for the cleaning crew. If your church can’t pay, maybe then your kids can attend camp at no cost. You get the idea.
Third, humble yourselves. Specifically, realize that you may need to ask for help. The widow and her sons asked all their neighbors for their vessels. By asking, they had to admit to these people that they were in need. While we may want to keep our financials in the dark, the reality is that if we are going to trust God, sometimes, we have to open our lives up to others’ awareness.
Fourth, wherever the Lord leads your family to work, barter, or get help, put your full effort into it – in front of and behind the scenes. The widow and her sons were the only ones who knew what was happening behind the scenes. And, that is ok. In fact, it is good. We don’t need to always live in a spotlight. We want God to be the one to get the glory, not ourselves.
Fifth, expect that God will do more than you expected. The oil kept pouring, so the widow asked for another vessel. And, she didn’t know what the oil filling was for. She did each step without knowing what the full detailed outcome would be but she trusted in the Lord, nonetheless. Not only did God’s provision cover debt, it gave this family the opportunity to stay together and have something to live on.
If these five steps don’t apply to you because you are not a family in need at this time, pay attention for signs that someone around you might be in need. Be approachable. Don’t just try to throw money at the problem. Maybe mom or dad needs help writing a quality resume. Maybe they need a cooked meal delivered with all the fixin’s and drinks, big enough for leftovers, to ease a bit of the scheduling burden and give them a bit of breathing room. Listen and try to point out their talents and what they do have while praying for God to move.
Being in a tough financial spot as a family can be challenging, but if you stand together, work together, and pray together, God can and will see you through it. Be blessed!
-
Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
-
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Have you ever thought about what you are going to do when you just don’t want to do anything anymore? Now, we are not talking about wanting your life to end. If you are having those thoughts, please seek help immediately. We are talking here about when you just don’t feel like doing the stuff you know you have to do. You stop liking the direction of your work, the direction of your home life, or the direction of your church, so instead of continuing to work toward something good and positive in those areas, you would rather just leave – find a new job, find a new love, or find a new church.
Again, let us define what we are not talking about today. We are not talking about needing a new job to make ends meet or leaving a toxic work environment; we are not talking about leaving an abusive family member for your protection and the protection of your loved ones, and we are not talking about leaving an unbiblical gathering of people that calls itself a church. We are talking about you – those of you who fit the following description - your work environment is healthy, your family is ok, and your church stands on biblical principles. You – you don’t want to engage in these or other relational areas of your life, and it isn’t because you are depressed. You are bored.
You might not think you are bored, but the “every day” of your routine, the knowing how a family member will respond before you even see them, the constant tradition of church and church events… all of those put your mind on automatic pilot and can become tiresome. You want something new, something different. Think about that for a minute. As you desire “something new,” it means that you no longer have the same interest in the “something old.” Leaving some or all of your relationships simply over boredom seems extreme, yet if more people were more self-aware, they would see that is exactly what they have done or are contemplating doing. Hopefully, you are not in the “have done it” category, but you might be in the “contemplating it” category or the “I hadn’t even realized I was going down this road” category.
So, start with putting your devices down! Phones and other electronic devices offer up new images every second. The authors of one journal analysis stated that “digital media increases boredom through dividing attention, elevating desired level of engagement, reducing sense of meaning, heightening opportunity costs, and serving as an ineffective boredom coping strategy.” And, the reality is that most of us have made idols of our digital media devices. We need to meditate on Psalm 135:15-18 “The idols of the nations are silver and gold, the work of human hands. They have mouths, but do not speak; they have eyes, but do not see; they have ears, but do not hear, nor is there any breath in their mouths. Those who make them become like them, so do all who trust in them.”
Do the next thing you need to do, no matter how you feel about it. Sometimes, we need to do what we need to do without the emotions. Feelings of happiness are not a promise. However, joy is a promise when we work with the Holy Spirit. It is a choice and a skill, not a feeling. Part of practicing the skill of joy is taking our thoughts captive and choosing to avoid complaining, and that includes internal complaining even if we have our external complaining under control. God tells us in Philippians 2:14 “Do all things without complaining or arguments” for good reason.
And, speaking of good, are you looking for the good things that happened today? Practice gratitude. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 reminds us to “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Take time to write out the good things that are happening every single day.
Our fourth tip today is to get outside. There are numerous studies showing that getting into nature can help reduce feelings of isolation, promote calm, and lift your mood. One recent study of 20,000 participants revealed that you must spend at least two hours per week in green spaces to report better psychological health. Sit outside to drink your midmorning coffee at work, go for a walk with loved ones after dinner, and plan a church fellowship at the local park.
And, finally, do try something new… something new that grows with all the relationships you have in your life right now. Maybe ask work if you can head up a different project or go to a course to expand your knowledge. Ask your loved ones to change up what parts of the daily routine that you can. Try a different Sunday school class or start a Bible study at home. Proverbs 21:5 encourages us to plan and be diligent - “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.”
Remember five-minute families, don’t throw away your lives looking for the easiest path for change – such as those devices. Look for ways to enrich your life and the lives of your loved ones by dropping the boredom and building strong, exciting memories together. Be blessed!
-
Good morning, five minute families. How often do we hide our emotions as adults, ignore them, and never acknowledge their roots? How often do we try to get our kids to only show their happiness? We have discussed emotions before on the Five Minute Family at the end of 2023 and beginning of 2024. In those past five minute family devotions, we discussed emotions that are shown in the Bible as well as how to demonstrate our emotions in a positive way. Please check those out if you want even more information on how to handle emotions in your five-minute family household.
Previously, we mentioned how feelings should not be our guides. Specifically, “Feelings are a gauge, not a guide.” Along those lines, I recently heard the quote, “All emotion is information.” So, today, we want to dive deeper into how an individual needs to evaluate his or her own emotions as information and how parents can help children learn this skill. Evaluating our emotions and gleaning the information they are telling us are important steps to having healthy family relationships.
If you have any social media account or watch any screen today, you know that there is so much self-care, self-help, trauma-informed, information floating around out there. Some of it is good and helpful, but some of it leads us into so much focus on self that we literally make ourselves our own god. We are not encouraging you to be so self-focused that you idolize self. Remember, James 4:10, Matthew 23:12, and other verses encourage us to humble ourselves. That means we have to focus our “emotion as information” search on, ultimately, how this helps us grow closer to the Lord.
If you or someone in your family needs to do a deep dive into the reasons behind their emotions, here are five ways to get started on building a strong emotional self-control:
Use an emotions wheel. There are numerous ones out there, but sometimes simply saying, “I’m angry” doesn’t really convey the depth of the emotion or the impact it is having on us and our family. An emotions wheel or chart will give you a way to better pinpoint what your emotion is and what it is telling you.
Identify negative patterns. You can do this through charting. Write down what negative behaviors you or your loved one exhibited. Include then the emotions that you or they can identify came before the behavior as well as the situation you were in. If you or your child aren’t able to follow the patterns yourself, help one another. Parents, we somewhat naturally notice patterns in our children’s behavior, but if we cannot see the patterns in our own, we must ask someone else to keep the chart for us (and we have to be open to honesty).
Journal. I know, I know. A lot of people say, but I’m not a writer. Well, ok, then. Be like David and play an instrument, see what different chords you play more often in certain emotional states. If you don’t write or play music, then listen to others’ music. Write down what music makes you feel better and what music causes negative reactions to unfold. Also in the line of journaling, without worrying about making complete sense to someone else, write down single words or phrases that seem to come to your mind often.
Watch others. People watching is more than just a pastime. It is helpful to evaluate emotions that you watch others go through. Of course, it is a bonus if you can have a thoughtful conversation and see if your ideas were correct. In the home, this means that we parents cannot assume what our children’s tones or facial expressions mean. Share what you think or how you interpret them, but then let your child give you feedback on whether you are correct. You could even use the emotional wheel for clarification.
And, last on our list for today… Seek support. Speak with your pastor, mentor, coach, a trusted friend, or possibly even a medical professional. If you feel as if your emotions are out of control, or that you are angry all the time, you may need someone to help you sort through all those emotions and thoughts.
We become better able to take our negative thoughts captive when we properly evaluate the emotions that precede those negative thoughts. The Holy Spirit gives us guidance. Read God’s word daily, and pray continually, especially if someone in your home is having emotional control issues. An angry parent is scary to children and an out-of-control teenager can cause harm to the household needs. So, parents, remember to demonstrate the emotional control process for your children. It is a skill set that is learned.
As always, we are thankful that you joined us today. Clear View Retreat is a nonprofit organization that exists to draw families closer together, so check out our website at clearviewretreat.org and let us know how we can support your family or community. Be blessed!
-
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Have you ever ignored a family member? Now, be honest. You know you have. We all have. When we’re angry. When we’re distracted. When we’re tired. But, to what cost? When your child runs up to hug you and you keep typing out a text or when your spouse points out a beautiful bird outside the window and you keep watching your show, what impact do you think you are having on your family?
Our loved ones reach out in myriad ways throughout the day. Dr. John Gottman found that in marriages where spouses only responded to those attempts to connect about one third of the time, the couple was less happy than in marriages where spouses responded to each other nine out of ten times.
This makes me think of how in the Psalm 13 opens with the statement “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?” And later in the same psalm, “But I have trusted in your lovingkindness; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.” Those same feelings can accompany being ignored, but remember we are all human and are not perfect and we can trust in the goodness of God and try to be the nine out of ten times responder.
Currently, I am going through some medical stuff. I keep talking to and showing Jim my concerns. He looks every time and gives me a sympathetic response. He can’t fix it, and there really isn’t much he can do to help, but he acknowledges my pain and discomfort and still periodically asks if there is anything he can do for me. It means the world to me that he acknowledges what I am going through.
Five points to remember when you are working to make sure you are responding well - or getting better about responding…
Even when you “aren’t feelin’ it,” you need to respond positively to your loved ones, or, well, maybe that should be ESPECIALLY when you aren’t feelin’ it. Love is not simply a feeling. Love is an action. God’s word describes love as an action word because it is bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Spend some time this week with your family reading and memorizing 1 Corinthians 13. When you meditate on God’s ACTIONS of love, you will find that it will become easier and easier to respond in love, no matter what you are feeling in the moment.
Plan screen-free or device-free times in your family. We are all too distracted to-day. Train your brain away from the dopamine response of the devices and instead get the “feel good” hormone of dopamine by making time to eat together and exercise together. Go for a walk, turn on the music and dance. You get the idea.
The flip side of device-free time would be to use your devices as tools for connection. Set reminders, share memes, text one another, video chat, and of course call. Folks have the possibility of being more connected than ever, if we would simply use the tools we have wisely.
If you didn’t hug back or respond in real time, seek out your child or spouse, and ask for a do-over. Apologize if needed and then hug. Research shows that a 20 second hug can help to decrease the levels of the stress hormone cortisol, increase the levels of the “feeling connected” hormone oxytocin levels, and to facilitate bonding between partners. One study shows that the length of our hugs matters more than the number of hugs, though, truthfully, with teenagers, you may need to keep your hugs short if you have a teen who is struggling with hugging for a time.
God is all about connection. Just think about Romans 5:8, “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” As well as John 15:5, “I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in me and I in him pro-duces much fruit, because you can do nothing without me.” God is our model of intentional intimacy. Seek Him and He will guide your attempts at connection.
No matter where you are on the “responding to one another” spectrum, remember that we can all stand to improve while walking this earthly life. God transforms hearts, and transformed hearts can learn to communicate more effectively and love more deeply than they ever thought possible. Be blessed!
-
Good morning, Five Minute Families. What does your family expect from one another? Do you parents expect perfect obedience? Do you kids expect to get what you want when you want it? Does your family expect that everyone will make mistakes but that you will be responded to with God's grace, mercy, and forgiveness, or do you expect the silent treatment and withholding of love and affection when you do wrong or even when you do right?
Our expectations dictate our contentment with our circumstances. Back in serf and lord days, serf uprisings were actually not a common occurrence. When they did happen, the quality of life expectations of the poor serfs' changed. When the little l lord didn't meet the change in expectations, an uprising would occur.
Our history-buff son shared with us that this is a concept of relative poverty. Basically, if you expect a certain lifestyle and you have what you expect, you don't feel poor… Or neglected or misunderstood.
Is there a member of your family with unmet expectations? Someone who is feeling poor despite the wealth of love or met needs surrounding them. For example, a child who believes he or she should have a cell phone. That kiddo will often be combative and disrespectful despite the conversations you have had with them a million times about why they don't have one yet. Unmet expectations
Five important points to remember about knowing your and your family members' expectations are:
First, meditate on Hebrews 4:12 "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." In other words, God already knows our expectations. Are we willing to admit them to ourselves? To our family? Are we willing to take our expectations to God and allow Him to adjust them properly?
Second, Proverbs 10:28 reminds us that "The hope of the righteous brings joy, but the expectation of the wicked will perish." Are we as a family expecting good and godly things from one another, or are we wanting to pretend Robin Hood's stealing was fully justified because he gave to the poor? That we as a family can behave badly when our expectations are left unmet and then explain them away because another family member also behaved badly. It is a cycle we have to choose to stop.
Third, as a five minute family, meaning we are a family running after God, we must commit to knowing God's expectations of us. In Micah 6:8 "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" How many of us expect to be able to "get back" at the person who wronged us - or wronged our kid. How many of us are unkind... especially when we're driving? How many of us are such huge "sport fans" that we act like idiots when our kids are playing, no humility and no self-control?
Fourth, 2 Corinthians 9:8 states, "and God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work." If we expect to have better jobs, better homes, better cars, etc, we need to reevaluate what we are focused on. We need to hold to the sufficiency of God, trusting Him to provide our needs.
And fifth, let's turn to Acts 3. In verse 5 we learn that the lame man was expecting some-thing from Peter and those with him, "And he fixed his attention on them, expecting to receive something from them." The lame man was expecting something. He expected a hand-out, a few coins to help him be able to eat. But, Acts 3:6 tells us that Peter responded, “I don’t have silver or gold, but what I do have, I give you: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, get up and walk!” Peter gave what he had! The lame man got so much more than what he expected. What about your family? Have you ever chosen to lavish them with the best you have to offer despite their only asking for a lollipop?
Family member's expectations impact the family unit and, ultimately, the family identity. Make sure your family is keeping the lines of communication open. As we have discussed before unexpressed expectations can lead to alot of unnecessary hurts, so be willing to listen without judgment and go back into God's word for evaluation and possible adjustment to your expectations. Be blessed!
-
Good morning, Five Minute Families. As we travelled to visit family, Kim and I were listening to a business leadership audio book titled Radical Candor, and while we don’t fully endorse everything in this book, we realized that the concept closely aligns with the key concept we teach here at Clear View Retreat – the concept of intentional intimacy. We want to spend some time today and, perhaps, more in some future weeks as well, exploring the idea of radical candor within the family context and our key concept of intentional intimacy.
Kim Scott states that “Radical Candor® is what happens when you show someone that you [c]are [p]ersonally while you [c]hallenge [d]irectly, without being aggressive or insincere.” When Scott plots her two key ideas – care personally as the y-axis and challenge directly as the x-axis – into four quadrants, she has ‘ruinous empathy’ for high caring and low challenging which becomes unspecific praise and sugar-coated criticism. In low caring and low challenging quadrant, ‘manipulative insincerity’ manifests as insincere praise and harsh criticism. In the high challenge and low care quadrant, you find ‘obnoxious aggression’ which comes out as insincere praise and unkind criticism. And, again, in the high caring personally and high challenging directly quadrant you find Scott’s concept of ‘radical candor’ which is sincere praise with direct and kind criticism. *whew*
Using four quadrants to – somewhat – succinctly explain the basic interaction of two concepts is an age-old visual aid. In our research we found Robert Turner using it to ex-plain discipleship as well as Dimitri Glazkov further developing his fallback theory within Scott’s ‘radical candor.’ While there are numerous enlightening four-quadrant graphics to learn from, we are going to discuss intentional intimacy primarily from Kim Scott’s radical candor illustrative quadrants that we just described and a little from Dr. Robert Kellemen’s style of parenting graphic in Gospel Centered Family Counseling (a grace-focused parenting family living and counseling theory).
Radical candor can be applied to families, but let’s also review CVR’s intentional intimacy concept before we merge the two. We define intentional intimacy as “the passion and desire to pursue being known and to know another deeply for the glory of God.” Every relationship we have can benefit from a mindset of intentional intimacy, even random meetings in life. Unfortunately, many people prefer to get good at interactions with strangers and acquaintances but neglect their own family, and we want that to change dramatically for families. If we get into the practice of desiring to know others for the glory of God, we must choose to also express radical candor in caring for and challenging one another.
In the numerous “one-anothering” verses we have shared with you all through the years, the elements of caring for one another and challenging one another are already there. Radical candor is required to live out those verses.
John 13:34-35, John 15:12-13, Luke 10:25-37, and Romans 13:8-10 are just four of the sets of verses that admonish us to “Love one another.” And, of course, we cannot forget the second commandment of Jesus’s – love your neighbor.
In Ephesians 4:11-16 we are reminded to equip one another through speaking the truth in love.
Colossians 3:15-17 continues to point out that we are to teach and admonish one another with all wisdom – God’s wisdom.
And, Romans 15:14 rounds out our reminders of one anothering for today when it tells us to instruct one another.
One-anothering behaviors are essential to living a life of intentional intimacy, and the two pillars of intentional intimacy we teach in our family camps are family discipleship and biblical community. Family should be our first ministry. Family is also the primary mission field we will encounter as parents; thus, family is the first biblical community we are to interact with. The only thing that makes a community truly biblical is to stand on God’s truth. Likewise, family discipleship is the ultimate show of love within the context of family.
God’s truth and God’s love are the most basic summaries of biblical community and family discipleship, again those two pillars of intentional intimacy. So, if we plot God’s love and God’s truth for our y- and x-axes for intentional intimacy, we can see how much the concepts line up with radical candor.
Please join us next week as we continue this discussion of intentional intimacy and radical candor. We’ll get into some examples of radical candor in the business world and examples of intentional intimacy in the family. Be blessed!
-
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We talk a lot here at Clear View Retreat about family identity. Now, obviously, there's been a lot of research into what is ‘identity’ and the word has been hijacked in so many ways. However, we really need to understand what family identity is, how our family identity impacts our individual identities, and what God has to say about His transformative power in relationship to our family and individual identities.
I was reading an article recently, actually, I think it was a Facebook post. And in it the woman stated, "I had small children and could feel pieces of my former identity slipping away." I remembered a moment when Jim and I first got married and my saying to him, “I went from being primarily a daughter, aunt, and teacher to being a wife, mother, and jobless in six weeks’ time." One could say I was having a bit of an identity crisis.
But the reality is that, when a new family is formed through marriage, we have the opportunity to be intentional about what type of identity our family will develop. We have to choose to think about some of the bigger questions.
First, take time to discuss “What is our family's purpose?” Psalm 96:3 reads "Declare his glory among the nations. His wondrous works among all people." A Christian, five-minute family must have as its primary purpose bringing glory to God. Now, what other purposes God has for a unique family will vary greatly, but you still must intentionally discuss and pray about what your family purpose is.
Second, evaluate what individual talents and weaknesses your family needs to ac-count for. Think for a while on Joshua 1:9, "Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go" and 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." We are to be strong in the Lord, in the unique gifts and talents He gives us, and we need to acknowledge and rightly deal with any of our weaknesses.
Third, ask yourselves “How do we serve God and others?” Just as we are each given different gifts and talents, each family will serve in God’s kingdom in different ways. Some of you are musical; some of you build things. Some families will be full-time homeland or international missionaries while other families will serve those they work with in a regular 9-5 type job. Keep in mind Joshua 24:15, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
Fourth, for the parents, consider, “What do we want our children to think or feel when they reflect back on their childhood and adolescence?” Proverbs 10:7 re-minds us that "The memory of the righteous is a blessing, but the name of the wicked will rot." And Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." We must make sure that our children’s home life focuses on the righteousness and goodness of God above all else. If we sink into only experiences or material possessions, we have lost sight of the most important thing we are to instill in them, as Deut. 6:4-8 reminds us, “Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your city gates.”
Fifth, contemplate the question, “What do we not give up on?” Galatians 6:9 says, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” We are NOT to give up on love, on family, on God’s desire for us to share with everyone about His saving grace.
If you need to rest, rest. If you need to change course, change course. If you need to ask for forgiveness and work to mend relationships, do so. Never forget that it is never too late to do the right thing while you draw breath on this earth. God wants your family to be intentional in your family identity formation. He wants you to experience the abundant love He has for your family. Be blessed!
-
Good morning, five minute families. We all face devastation at some point in our lives. It can be the death of someone we love; it can be the loss of a job; devastation can come in the form of a natural disaster and in so many other ways. What should we do when we or someone in our family faces a season of devastation?
Before we discuss five ideas for helping one another, please remember that not everyone in the family faces the level of devastation from the same event. Of course, sometimes, the devastating event only happened to one member of the family, but as we work together as a unit, we are each impacted by those things that impact another. Sometimes, when devastation is an individual event, the individual thinks they must get through the following consequences and emotions on their own. Others may think their family is re-sponsible to help them in an almost entitled way. We must recognize the differences of impact while not isolating ourselves or our loved one in the process.
When our fifth son died, our whole family experienced the same event, and yet, Jedidiah’s death impacted each of us quite differently. One son was going through a time of bullying, but he didn’t want to burden us with his concerns because of the pain he could see etched on our faces. He didn’t resent his baby brother, but he was struggling because he knew that his baby brother’s death had forever changed our family dynamic and thus our family identity. One son had been in the room when we received Jedi’s ashes. He be-came angry and acted out but couldn’t communicate why. Our youngest son lost not just a sibling but the opportunity to become a big brother; he was so looking forward to becoming more like his own big brothers in that way.
Jim dove even more deeply into God’s Word. He had already not missed a day of Bible reading in I don’t know how long, but he become protective of his time with God. I couldn’t. I wanted to be calm and kind to our living children, but everything upset me. I didn’t know why God would allow such devastation into our lives, so when I did try to read His word or praise Him in worship, it usually ended in extreme anger. I found that I couldn’t even pray. My last prayer before Jedidiah died was that the Lord would take Him so that he wouldn’t suffer anymore. His very next apnea episode was his last. He died in my arms, the fear radiating from his eyes into my soul.
Five of the takeaways we learned from that season of mourning and grieving were:
First, acknowledge your own and others’ emotions. Hiding them away won’t help and pretending that you feel what someone else does because you think that is what they need won’t help either. Remember, anger is usually about something deeper. And, a lack of tears does not mean someone isn’t hurting. Share honestly and listen nonjudgmental-ly.
Take care of yourself when you can. When you have the energy or ability to take steps forward in physical, emotional, or spiritual well-being, do so. Even baby steps will help you face each new day.
Let others take care of you when you can’t. As we mentioned in our shared story, some-times a loved one is in a place of loathing or depression or something else that does not allow them to do what they ought. In some cases, take a plate of food for them if your loved one isn’t eating. Don’t admonish them if they only take one bite. Keep bringing the food. And, for those of you not caring for yourself, take a bite. If you can’t do more, just take the first bite.
Try not to make other major life changes that are not absolutely necessary at this time. A family we knew wanted to sell their house where their daughter died immediately after her death. Everyone recommended they wait one year. The mom told me she wouldn’t change her mind. They still live in that home. The memories that she thought would drive her crazy have become sweet reminders of love and joy.
Be patient with one another. It can be hard if one member of the family handles a devastating event better than another. Jim didn’t judge my lack of drawing closer to God or not crying out to Him about this sinful fallen world. He prayed for me; he asked our friends to pray for me. He asked our kids to pray for me. He patiently waited until the Holy Spirit could reach the walled off parts of my heart and mind.
Five minute families, hold tight to Psalm 34:18 in periods of devastation: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” And remember Revelation 21:4, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Thank you for listening. Be blessed!
-
Good morning, Five Minute Families. It is good to be with you today. How are you and your family doing? Are you intentional in how you treat one another? Are WHO and WHOSE you are still abundantly clear in your home?
As a family, we must remember fundamental truths about WHO we are in Christ. We are created in the image of God. After we have made a profession of faith, we are valuable to God as His children and as His friends. We are born of the spirit, eternally secure in God’s love. We are abiding branches in God’s tree of life, given His peace and reconciled unto Him. We will never be condemned. We are God’s heirs adopted into His forever family, chosen by grace and called into intimate fellowship with Him. Do you treat one another this way?
Also as a family, we must keep at the forefront of our minds WHOSE we are. We must never forget that God is sovereign, righteous, just, and merciful. He is personal; he knows the number of hairs on our heads. He is all-powerful and omnipresent. He never changes and thus is holy, faithful, merciful, and loving, no matter what we do.
If your family has lost sight of WHO and WHOSE you are, then we suggest these five steps to draw closer to God and to one another.
Start small. Just like needing to lose weight, a person who goes on a crash diet might achieve some weight loss, but they will likely gain it all back again and quite possibly more. Those people who succeed in losing weight and keeping it off make dietary lifestyle changes that are sustainable and long-lasting. Loving God is the truest, longest-lasting lifestyle change. However, if you make a long crazy list of all the spiritual disciplines and try to change everything at once, you may give up a short time in. But, if you pray about the spiritual disciplines, choose one, and become diligent about implementing that change, you can then layer on more and more god-honoring habits as time progresses, building your family up. Meditate on Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
As in all goal setting, write down your plan for change. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 brings this encouragement, “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.”
Third, each family member must choose to support one another. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Training up a child is not about teaching them the family business or the skill that mom or dad wishes they had been taught. Genuine support for one another is about spending time together, getting to know one another’s uniqueness, and following God’s guidance into the unique areas each of you have been equipped for.
Fourth, get a mentor or mentor family. Apply 1 Timothy 4:7-8, “Have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” Prayerfully, learn to live life together, learning and growing and holding one another accountability. Don’t fall into the sinful trap of feeling envious or inadequate when around other god-fearing families. Each family has its own challenges. Build one another up and turn to God and God alone for the source of your strength.
And, last, extend grace, mercy, and forgiveness liberally. Remember that Christ died for ALL of our sins; the ones we committed before knowing Him AND the ones we commit after knowing Him. But, if God, in His holy glory, continues to apply His grace, mercy, and forgiveness, then we must follow His lead and understand that our children and our spouses and we ourselves will sin again, and we can find reconciliation. Getting Ephesians 4:22-24 right takes time. Walking like Christ means “To put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”
Five minute families, thank you for joining us today. Draw closer to one another and draw closer to God, five minutes at a time. Be blessed!
-
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We hope you are having an excellent week. Have you ever evaluated how your family handles mistakes and the cost of correction? How you correct one another matters to the heart of your children and spouse as well as to the family identity you are intentionally creating. A simple example is when our toddlers are learning to speak. Sometimes, we correct the pronunciation.
But, there are times when their mispronunciations will become part of the family fabric. Grandparent names often come from these. We had a friend who corrected every single mispronunciation of not only her own children but every child she interacted with. Once, when I used a mispronunciation our children used often, she admonished me. It was odd, honestly.
Baby babble and toddler speak are not wrong. It’s learning. There are times when correcting their words is necessary, but there are times when simply saying them correctly ourselves when we speak will be enough.
My friend’s staunch and almost fierce response about toddler speak was quite off-putting. I was afraid to make an error in front of her; I cannot imagine how her children felt.
Of course, if our spouse or child is saying something that is a lie or that is inaccurate to the meaning of the situation, then correction is necessary. We cannot forget the many verses like
Proverbs 12:1 “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.” Correction can be a good and right thing. So, let’s explore how a five-minute family can correct one another biblically and lovingly.
First, each of us must do some self-examination. I have seen spouses who loved one another and the Lord, and yet, when one constantly corrects the other one, even jokingly, it begins to wear on the partner, and their relationship. In one marriage, we saw the highly intelligent husband “find the words” faster than his wife, correct her pronunciation even when it was obvious what she meant, or even snidely laugh at her when she was wrong. She was an intelligent woman, capable of many good and wonderful things, but to see her with her husband, she was much more timid and constantly concerned about making a mistake around him. Make sure the needs and purpose of the correction are being rightly evaluated and not for selfish gain.
Second, we need to identify what we will correct and what we will not be correcting. Correction is important, but, parents must also remember Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21 both of which remind us not to provoke our children to anger. If our children feel that they can never live up to our standards, they will become resentful and discouraged. The cost of unnecessary corrections can weigh heavy on our children. One of our sons was constantly behaving in a negative way toward one of his brothers. It got to where I corrected him EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. they interacted. I was exhausted. I jumped to conclusions. I didn’t listen. I didn’t look into the heart of the matter and ultimately I provoked him to anger. I had to ask for forgiveness and build back the relationship while intentionally looking for the good things to praise.
Third, we must choose the right timing. If you need to correct the person, do you do it right then or wait for another time? Proverbs 29:15 “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” We know that God has perfect timing, so we need to be prayerful before correcting a loved one. Let God lead you in each individual situation.
Our fourth point goes along with the third. We must remember the saying, “Correct in private, praise in public.” Of course, as parents, we know that that is not always possible, but when we are evaluating whether to correct something our child or spouse has said, remember that the people near them in the situation will influence their perception of our intent, so whenever possible try to keep times of correcting for private conversations.
And, fifth, never leave out the discussion of “what now?” What will be the way forward? We know from Proverbs 15:32 that “[w]hoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.” We cannot control our child’s or spouse’s response to a moment of correction, but we can make sure to spend quality time discussing it lovingly and praying over the future application of the correction.
Meditate on Hebrews 12:11 “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”
There is always a cost to correction. The cost for good, loving, and proper correction leads to wise, well-rounded, kind, and righteous living, but the cost for bad correction is one of disunity and distrust. Pray about the heart of the correction in your home. Be blessed!
-
Good morning, Five Minute Families. It is great to be with you today. We are Jim and Kim Nestle with Clear View Retreat. This ministry hosts family camps, marriage retreats, grief retreats, and more in beautiful East Tennessee. Please check out our website at clearviewretreat.org. On these five-minute family moments, we want to bring God’s encouraging word into real life application for families. Let us know your thoughts, or a topic you’d like us to explore.
Today, let’s explore 2 Timothy 1:7. The CSB reads, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.” And the NASB states it this way, “For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.”
We are not to allow a spirit of fear to pervade our lives and become what we hear, how we interpret, and how we respond to the world. A spirit of fear says the world is so scary and so many bad things could happen that we have to cling to the blanket of control we think we have, controlling our actions and our thoughts. The spirit of fear keeps us focused on worry, concern, the things we lack, the people who have hurt us or let us down, and more.
I have lived in Tennessee most of my life. Once when I was in Alaska, I went cold camping in below freezing temps. Now at that point, I had never even owned true cold weather clothing designed to hold body heat in. In fact, in this recent snow-storm, someone shared a picture of socks as gloves for playing in the snow. That's how I grew up, socks as gloves and plastic bags wrapped around my feet. It was cold and fun until it was cold and miserable! So, when I went camping, my friends loaned me a pair of thermals and a subzero sleeping bag along with other necessary items. They told me, when you get inside your one-person tent, take off everything except the thermals, and get into the sleeping bag with nothing else on and you'll be warm. I didn't believe them. I left some of my extra layers on, especially my socks. I awoke at 2am freezing and miserable. The friend in the tent be-side me asked, “Did you do what we told you to do?” You see, I wasn't using the subzero sleeping bag the way it was designed because I didn't understand. I was afraid of being cold and miserable because I didn't trust the power of the fabrics that had been shared with me.
Like Kim not trusting in the power of the fabrics, when we give in to fear, we are not trusting the power God has given us. God sent the Holy Spirit to live within us believers. The spirit of God brings us power. And, believers need to understand the Holy Spirit. We encourage you to do a deeper dive, but here are five scriptures to meditate on:
Romans 8:26 - Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness
Galatians 5:22-23 - But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kind-ness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control
Acts 1:8 - But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you
2 Corinthians 3:17 - Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
Isaiah 11:2 - And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord.
The spirit of God brings us love. God's love knows no bounds. God is with His people. He loves us. We are to love others, AND we are to love ourselves. Continually holding onto fear isn't loving. Those of us who have experienced a spirit of fear would never want that for any of our family members or friends.
The spirit of God brings discipline. When we are disciplined, not led by our changing emotions, then we can make sound and rational judgment calls. There may be times when we listen to the Holy Spirit and we do not do something because it wouldn't be good for us or for those around us, but that is not anywhere along the same lines as being afraid of failure and not moving forward.
To enrich our lives with God's power, love, and discipline, we must start and stay in Scripture. We need to surround ourselves with other believers, we need to read or listen to His word daily. Bible study and prayer are musts to conquer the spirit of fear.
And, we have to believe God's word. You've heard us speak often about getting to the root of our own false beliefs so that God's truth can overtake and replace that lies that we tell ourselves. A spirit of fear can become comfortable and might even keep you somewhat falsely warm as you move around and stay distracted, but what happens at 2am when the false warmth of fear can no longer actually keep you warm?
Trust God's spirit of power, love, and discipline. He will guide you through the sin-ful, fallen world. No matter what happens around you, there is abundant living and His heavenly eternity awaits you. Thank you for joining us this morning. Be blessed!
-
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We are Jim and Kim Nestle with Clear View Retreat. Thank you for joining us for a new Five Minute devotional after we have taken a month off for multiple family needs. And, it was those family needs that led us to write this week about the idiom “keeping all the balls in the air.” Some of us have too many tasks and obligations going on, and as such, there is no conceivable way to keep juggling numerous balls for an indefinite period of time.
Of course, we all have seasons that require more of us than we feel capable of doing. The challenge is often frustrating and satisfying at the same time. We prove to ourselves that we can rise to the challenge of our circumstances, but unless we evaluate which balls need to be let go, even temporarily, we will eventually get to a place of fatigue and burn out. That’s when it feels like all the balls come crashing down.
We must never forget that some of life’s tasks, obligations, opportunities, and responsibilities are like glass. If we drop those balls, they will break. Some will only suffer a crack, but others will shatter. And, other of life’s tasks, obligations, opportunities, and responsibilities are like rubber. If we drop those balls, they’ll bounce. They may get out of hand and ricochet, causing a bit of chaos, but the importance and structure of the ball will not change.
Our relationship with God, our relationships with our family and close friends, and our health are glass balls. The laundry, cleaning the house, completing our errands, making sure the neighbor is happy with how quickly you got your trash can moved back from the curb, and the like, well, those are rubber balls. As a point of clarification, we must each properly evaluate work. Work can be flexible like a rubber ball, though still fully necessary, or it might be glass for some people. Even if work is a glass ball it is likely tempered glass, it won’t shatter and scatter like the hearts of our children will if let them drop.
We five-minute families must rightly apply Scripture in order to not only keep the proper balls in the air but also maximize our individual and family potential. Let’s meditate on these following five verses this week:
Mark 8:36-37 “For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul?” We must all not just prioritize our relationship with the Lord but we must also realize that we must keep every part of being and every part of our purpose focused on God’s kingdom.
Christ followers must commit entirely to Matthew 22:37-40, “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important command. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commands.” When we love God, love our neighbors - the closest of whom are our household family members, and love ourselves, then we will see how to handle the tasks, obligations, opportunities, and responsibilities of everyday life.
Psalm 90:12 explains that we are “to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” If we do not take the time to properly evaluate the balls we are juggling, we will end up with the tyranny of the massive amount of rubber balls while the glass ones lay shattered all around us. Wisdom helps us to see the impact of time well-spent with our loved ones or in serving in our community.
Luke 12:34 expands that with “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” If we are intent on having the nicest house with all the bells and whistles, but we have no one interested in spending time there because we have shown that we value the house more than them, we have revealed where our treasure truly is.
When we rightly apply God’s wisdom, we will see the truth in Proverbs 21:21 “Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness will find life, righteousness, and honor.” Life in this verse is not simply referring to the act of breathing and having a beating heart, it is concerning a lively, active, and revived experience.
Sometimes, the rubber balls have all been let go and keeping the glass balls in the air seems impossible. This is where we must be open to asking for help. And, if we see someone we know and love who needs help with their juggling, we need to help them. This is what one-anothering is all about.
Keep those glass balls in the air, let any of the rubber ones drop that are getting too heavy or too many, and remember to love one another, bear one another’s burdens, and enjoy the abundant life God has for you and for your family. Be blessed!
-
Good morning, Five Minute Families. Does someone in your family seem to behave badly - or, maybe, more on edge - when the house is a mess but they can control themselves better when it is neat and clean? Did you know that this inability to self-regulate due to the messiness around them might be due to an overload of visual stimulation? Some folks call this visual noise. Others call it “visual bombardment” or a “cacophony of images.”
You know, my dad and sister and I had different definitions of clean. To them, once the visual noise of the clutter of the horizontal surfaces (such as table and countertops) were clear, then the room qualified as clean and they could relax. But, it was the dirt underneath that drove me even crazier. At points in life when I had the time and energy, clearing and cleaning could happen at the same time, so that the visual noise of the dust and dirt didn’t bother me, but as more children and less good health happened in my life, I found that I would simply leave the messy to cover the dirty and then nothing got done. Of course, that just made things worse because everywhere I turned, there was more mess and more dirt to tackle.
Just like auditory sounds can become overwhelming, visual stimuli can cause a person to feel uncomfortable and distracted, which can lead to them shutting down - mentally, physically, or emotionally. Some people become hyperactive and begin running on adrenaline. Visual noise can cause people to be less productive, angrier, and less self-controlled. So, no matter if a person enters into a flight, fight, or freeze response, we must understand that visual noise can be a trigger.
So, how can a five-minute family be mindful and sensitive to the needs of those in their homes who are experiencing visual overload?
First, try check the lighting in your home. If you can’t afford a new light fixture installed, then head to the second hand store and buy a cheap lamp. Or, move certain activities into better lighting. Also, remember to adjust the lighting down as the sun goes down to mimic natural lighting responses in the body. Interestingly, as we see that light is good in Genesis 1:3-4 -- “Then God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and God separated the light from the darkness,” we must remember that proper lighting can help control the visual burden someone may be experiencing.
Second, evaluate the decorations you have in your home, or at least, the most used space by the person who experiences visual noise issues. When there is too much going on with color changes, table top displays, wall paper or accent walls, curtains, you get the idea, visually noise-sensitive folks will get even less done during activities in those spaces. Interestingly, one study of an elementary classroom found that “In terms of learning and memorization, the correctness of the children’s answers to the test questions was higher in [a] low-stimulus classroom (55% correct) [when compared to a] stimulus-rich classroom (42% correct).”
For those of you out there who may struggle with getting rid of things, including gifts from loved ones, remember to value the family members more than your possessions. As Matthew 6:19-21 says, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Third, clear at least one wall in each space if you have someone in the family who overwhelms easily or often. Position his or her chair for meals toward the clear wall, or position his or her favorite reading chair toward a clear wall. This may seem “extra”, but Galatians 6:2 reminds us to "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Fourth, try to define spaces with furniture if you can so that organization is easier. Now, we are not talking about practicing Feng Shui here, but know that setting up a comfortable spacious room has benefits both physically and visually as we are discussing. As Deuteronomy 28:6 encourages, “blessed shall you be when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out,” so set up your space as a blessing.
And, fifth, get some containers… whether it is plastic tubs, banker’s boxes, covered diaper boxes - yes, covered so that the print on the box isn’t a distraction. Get the details of the organization of your home hammered out. Meditate on 1 Corinthians 14:40 “But all things should be done decently and in order.”
Remember, five-minute family, that “Visual noise divides our attention and reduces the ability to self-regulate.” We know that children are better able to learn complex skills and concepts when the environment that are in is less distracting, so give your family the best chance at reaching their God-given potential by spending time thinking about visual noise and how to control it.
Thank you for joining us and be blessed!
-
Good morning five minute families. In our Sunday school lesson this week we were discussing the Old Testament families of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Throughout the Bible those names are repeated, even into the New Testament. Let’s explore one of the many lessons that come from those names and their family dynamics.
If I was planning a story that highlighted good family dynamics, I would not have written it like the biblical narrative. But God! The depth of God's word in showing who He is and who we are is amazing. God, creator and sustainer, made us in His image. We have talked about that. We have, unfortunately, distorted that image with our fallen nature. Yet God planned, even from the beginning, to help us in our depravity.
Let’s pick up the story with Esau, and although he is not one of the three names highlighted, he is a pivotal part of God’s story. You can find this story in Genesis starting in chapter 25. A quick background: Rebekah is the wife of Isaac who was pregnant with two children, and as the Bible says, two nations. Esau was born first with Jacob right behind him holding Esau’s heel.
Fast forward several years. Esau, being the first born, traditionally would have the birthright that would guarantee his inheritance of his father's possessions and authority. We have heard it taught that Esau didn’t care about that birthright and in fact demonstrated this by giving it to Jacob for a bowl of stew. That was the agreement between brothers. But it really took manipulation and treachery to actually pull the blessing from Isaac to Jacob, not Esau. What God revealed to Jim in our Bible lesson was that maybe Esau did care for his birthright and was instead blindly showing his false confidence in that no matter what just transpired with the bowl of stew he would still receive Isaac’s blessing because he had favor with his father.
What can we learn as a family about the false confidence of Esau and how his story intersects with our lives? This lesson will take a lot of self-examination and soul searching and we suggest looking into these aspects of family life:
Are we relying on the faith of our father, mother, brother, sister? I have heard many people say “grandma took me to church and I heard many of the stories, but now I live a good life and know that because grandma is praying for me, I am ok.” Our family of origin, even if it has a strong faith history, will not carry us into a relationship with Jesus as savior. We see in Ezekiel 18 that God rightly judges individuals and does not connect them positively or negatively with their family members.
Much like our family of origin, our nurture - that is the surroundings we grew up in, learned from, and often imitated - can lead us down wrong paths that give us both positive and negative levels of confidence. We can see an example of how Timothy was nurtured spiritually by his mother Eunice and grandmother Lois. He was trained to know and honor the Lord. But he did not stop there, and through mentoring and discipleship he learned more about God and was able to disciple others like himself. Thankfully he did not rely only on their teachings.
Looking back at the Esau narrative, we can see that he wasn’t prepared. He relied more on his performance and lived in the praise of his father overseeing everything that was happening around him. Life surrounds us and satan prowls around like a hungry lion looking at who he can devour. We must prepare for whatever may come our way and be intentional in our relationship with God and the discipleship of our families.
To dig deeper, we can even see that our very genetic makeup influences our beliefs and behaviors. Are there certain ways your parents relate, and although they did not teach you those techniques, you find yourself mirroring them? We see this in the patriarch stories with the example of Abraham lying about his wife being his sister, and later Isaac repeating that same situation. I don’t think that was taught behavior but somehow it was a repeated family trait. Genetic? Possibly. Characteristics of a specific family? Definitely. This can be a challenge to explore as a family with many difficult eye opening revelations, but with the right intention, it can be a rewarding adventure.
And finally, where does your family gain confidence? Our hope and confidence is on the sovereignty of God. His goodness and mercy have followed us all the days of our lives as we seek to dwell in the house of the Lord forever. We see in John 10:29, “My Father who has given them to Me is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of my Father’s hand.”
Do you and your family know the hope of salvation Jesus brings? Are there areas we can all grow and learn? of course. But God is rich in his mercy towards us and reaches out to provide His grace for all our needs. Families, seek His grace and learn from Him for He is good! Be blessed.
-
Good morning, five minute families. This past Sunday our pastor preached out of Titus 2. He focused on the fact that we all have a role to play in church. We aren’t characters acting out our parts. We are God’s children each functioning in the way God created in this life.
Jim was teasing me after church about my being in the older women (or, as the KJV words it, “aged women” category). Our son’s girlfriend admonished Jim to stop, but I told her that just like I wear my gray and silver hair with pride, I am ok with claiming that I am, indeed, now an “aged woman.” So, when I couldn’t decide what to write this week for us to discuss, Jim suggested we focus on the older woman’s role from Titus 2 in our biblical community.
From the Christian Standard Bible, Titus 2:3-5 reads, “In the same way, older women are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not slaves to excessive drinking. They are to teach what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands and to love their children, to be self-controlled, pure, workers at home, kind, and in submission to their husbands, so that God’s word will not be slandered.”
Let’s break down those parts and discuss them in greater detail. The first is that we older women are to be reverent in behavior. I started thinking, what does it really mean to be reverent in behavior? Some other translations state it as “behave as those who love the Lord should.” The DRA translation which is over 100 years old and was translated in a literal manner for accuracy words it as being “in holy attire.”
Attire is typically a more formal clothing; older women are to be clothed in holiness as Colossians 3:12-14 details, “Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. 14 Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.”
The second behavior we older women are to focus on is to not be slanderers. That isn’t a word used often in our society today. So, in other words, we older women must not say bad things about other people; we should not gossip. The KJV says we must not be “malicious gossips.” We must apply Psalm 141:3 “Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips,” so that we never falsely accuse someone.
The third behavior detailed in this is for older women to be “not slaves to excessive drinking.” Now, we aren’t here to discuss whether someone chooses to be a teetotaler or not, but we know based on numerous Scripture that no one is to have the habit of drinking too much alcohol. The tendency toward addiction is weighty, so it is imperative to remember what Proverbs 20:1 says, “Wine is a mocker, beer a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise.”
The fourth behavior listed in verse 3 is to “teach what is good.” Other translations put this as being eager to teach what is good, as our needing to be examples of virtue, teachers of good things, teachers of honesty, and examples of the good life. From Mark 10 verse 18, we know from Jesus himself that “God alone is good,” so to fulfill this behavior we are to teaching about God at every opportunity. We can point back to His word in every day life, we can give Him glory for the good He has done in our lives, and we can study more about Him so that we can practice good works in honor of that gift he gave us through Jesus’s death on the cross.
The final behavior comes in verse 4, older women are to encourage younger women. There are specifics listed after that as to what an older woman can focus on in her encouragement, but ultimately, the point is to apply 1 Thessalonians 5:11, "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."
You know, Proverbs 31 describes the example of what a woman should aspire to be in life, but Titus 2 points out how we all have learning and growing to do, and if we share our experiences, we can build up a strong and beautiful biblical community. An older woman in God’s community is to be reverent, sincere, and honorable, so that all the other roles in the community can receive her encouragement.
Thank you for joining us today. Be blessed!
-
Good morning, Five Minute Families. What does your family do on a Sunday afternoon? On google trending, the most searches on an autumn Sunday afternoon center around professional football teams and their players. Have you ever thought about what you search for as a family? Do you search for acceptance? Do you seek fun? Do you desire peace and quiet? Stop for a moment and ponder that question… What does my family search for?
Some families go home and each go their separate ways… some to be on their devices, some to get some household tasks completed, some to rest for a wonderful Sunday nap. We need to search for opportunities to build our family identity instead.
We need to search for activities that will build good values in our children and strengthen them in ourselves. If we play a game, no one is allowed to cheat. If we can afford to go out to eat, everyone is polite and respectful to the staff. If we have some vegging time, we set boundaries to develop our brains wisely and in a balanced way.
We need to search for activities that instill a sense of belonging. You know, I recently felt very left out of something, and it hurt me a lot. I had to work through how God would want me to handle that. I am still not fully certain, but I know that running and hiding isn’t an option. You see, adults have a tendency to retreat into themselves. Children, on the other hand, will often behave badly to get any type of reaction from their parents because it is better than being ignored. We are created for relationship, so as a family, we have to be aware of each individual and their needs. Some need extra time and specific invitations to feel included; others will tag along to everything without thought or care. Some of us want group conversations and activities, and others of us want more one-on-one conversations.
We need to search out activities that build our dreams or help us create the dreams themselves. Working toward a goal together is beautiful. We learn new skills together. We overcome adversity together. We feel accomplished together. And, sometimes our intentional activities - which might be as simple as a guided discussion - will allow us to continue to build new dreams and make new goals, and in all of that we get to continue to support one another, as the Bible calls us to.
We need to search for activities that help us feel protected. No family should choose an activity that creates such a level of anxiety or negativity that an individual is left without a way to cope with the outcome. For example, some families might love to have the experience of jumping out of an airplane together, but one member may feel so anxious about it, that they shut down. The family might opt for rock climbing at an indoor climb space first (or for a while) to help the anxious family member do something a bit more daring than normal but not quite jumping out of an airplane - yet.
And, we need to search for activities that help us cope positively with the stress of this world we live in. As a family, we want to build one another up and challenge one another. This could mean that your family chooses an afternoon hike or bike ride. A simple walk will do, especially if someone in the family is facing a medical or physical challenge. This could mean asking for or offering help with an upcoming homework or work assignment. When I was tutoring science, gathering all of the random household items for my experiments was stressful, but when I engaged my kids in the search, I got to answer questions that help fill in the holes I didn’t even realize I had in the experiment, or it taught them something new while they contributed to our family life.
Of course, there are hundreds and hundreds of activities that families can do together, but no matter what your family is participating in, make sure that you have thought through the purpose - it can be about simple fun and laughs; or it can be about a very important lesson that needs to be taught.
Thank you for joining us today. And, do contemplate the question: what does my family search for? We want to let you know that if you are facing the upcoming holidays for the first time since the death of a loved one, Clear View Retreat has partnered with local groups in the Wartburg, Tennessee, area to host a ‘Grief Through the Holidays’ seminar on November 9, 2024. Please go to our website clearviewretreat.org and click on the upcoming events tab for more information. Be blessed!
-
Good morning, Five Minute Families. How has life been coming at you lately? Has it been a quiet breeze filled with sunny moments? Or, maybe you are in the midst of the greatest storm of your life where it feels that everything is getting tossed around and the anchor trees lifted? Whatever your circumstances in life, God wants your family to experience His peace that passes all understanding. How can a family do that in both the norms and storms of life?
Our desire with this devotion is to help your family grow closer to God and encourage the relationships He has established in your homes. By starting with just five minutes, we pray that your time blossoms into a beautiful bouquet of family blessings. We know God is good at gathering a bountiful harvest from the time when we focus on Him.
First, practice the spiritual disciplines - both together and individually. Whether life is good or difficult, we need to be practicing the spiritual disciplines to make sure we are staying connected to our Lord and Savior. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the spiritual disciplines they include worship, bible study, service, and fellowship as well as prayer, meditation, and gratitude. Some folks will break them out further, but you get the idea. We need to be in God’s Word daily and challenge ourselves and one another to keep our focus on the kingdom of God and not the changing circumstances of this earthly life.
Second, keep the lines of communication open in both the good and the bad times. All too often, when we are stressed, we shut down. We sometimes assume our family members even know what we are thinking, and sometimes they might be right, but too many times, they do not understand, and the hurts can pile up. So, no matter what life is throwing at you - all the good, all the bad, or a random mix - be sure to keep having family discussions and listening well to one another. And, remember, do not just talk AT one another, but speak for clarity and listen to understand, not just to respond and say your own next point.
Third, plan family time together. It doesn’t have to be an amusement park; it can be a simple walk in the woods. The goal is to be together and focus on one another. If life is going well, we too often let it tumble along without any intentional time together. Thus, when things aren’t going so great, we either try to force family time or we continue to ignore it all together. So, whether in the norms or storms of life, make time for one another on a regular basis. We know some families that have weekly family fun nights, monthly family fun days, and annual family get-aways. You don’t have to be so organized as all that, but we must all put in the effort to let our families know they matter. Be intentional!
Fourth, give each other space as needed. This element of staying connected as a family can be tricky, but the reality is that some family members need more alone time than others. If you are a cuddler who wants to spend every possible moment together and your child is a non-hugger who can spend hours reading a book without speaking to anyone, you two have to find a way to connect AND give each other the necessary space. It can be that while reading, you sit together on the couch, though maybe not touching for most of the time. Sometimes, non-huggers will need to hug and sometimes cuddlers will have to refrain from hugging. Each family will have to find the balance that works for your own home.
And, our final suggestion for today is to do household tasks together as well. It might not work to have everyone clean the tiny kitchen together, but everyone can work on the household tasks at the same time and then either come back together to have some fun or go on about the everyday needs of your schedule. One family had a two-hour block for every Saturday morning. Each member of the family had tasks to do to help reset the home for the upcoming week. The children complained like crazy but quickly learned the value of getting it done and getting it done together. They could see that everyone contributed - age-appropriately, of course.
Family life is beautiful - and hard. Family life is where we can drop our masks and be ourselves - and be challenged to become the best versions of ourselves as well. No matter what family life looks like for you today, whether it is just husband and wife, or you are in the newborn/toddler phase, or if you are launching your teenagers into greater independence, no matter what, staying connected as a family takes intentionality and commitment.
We do thank you for joining us today. Be blessed!
-
Good morning, Five Minute Families. We are happy to be with you today. We are Jim and Kim Nestle with Clear View Retreat. More than twenty years ago, God sparked a vision in our minds for family unity. As the years rolled by, Clear View Retreat was born to help families learn to draw closer to one another within the family unit and within their biblical community. But, since we are not all the same, responding as robots, having the same likes and dislikes, and since we live in a sinful, fallen world and where we often let the weight of our circumstances control our behavior, conflict sometimes happens. How does your family or biblical community handle conflict when it occurs?
Let me share a wonderful example of Christian reconciliation. Some background first… One woman had been helping out with a group of kids, and one kiddo had required more direction and redirection than most of the others in the group. At the end of an especially stressful day, she was again overseeing this group of kiddos. The child behaved as children do, but nothing over-the-top or defiant, but because of the woman’s legitimately bad day, she - in one quick statement - fussed at the kiddo more harshly than she should have. A family member of the child was present.
Fast forward to the end of the event, the family member sought out the stressed woman, and kindly shared that in that frustrated moment she had been angry for her family member because the reprimand happened in a moment when it was not deserved. But, that she knew the stressed woman did not mean harm and that she also saw how the stressed woman immediately regretted her words and changed her own attitude. The two women took time for complete honesty and transparency and they not only got to a place of reconciliation but also greater connection.
Why do I know this story? Because I was present for the frustrated comment, and after the two women spoke, the stressed lady came over to apologize to everyone who had witnessed her frustration with the child. Why? She wanted to accept full responsibility for her actions. She was sorrowful and repentant.
Biblical communities need to be able to speak openly about hurts and frustrations. The reason the story Kim shared is compelling is because of how well it represented how God tells us to address conflict within our relationships.
Here are five of the many verses we need to pour over and commit to memory in order to have deeper, more abiding relationships:
Matthew 18:15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Matthew 5:23-24 “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”
Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Hebrews 12:14 “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.”
Philippians 2:4 “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
You know, it’s like we have always told our children, please come to us when you mess up. Will we be mad? Possibly. Will we react badly for a brief moment? Maybe. But, we are always open and want to help our kids strategize how to fix their own messes or to help them get the help they need.
Grace, mercy, and forgiveness were not free. Christ paid the ultimate price for our reconciliation with the Lord. Grace, mercy, and forgiveness are not easy in our human relationships, but if we keep in mind the price Jesus paid and the options we have for abundant living now on earth as well as for eternity with the Father, we need to practice God’s reconciliation plan. Be blessed!
-
Good morning, Five Minute Families. It’s good to be with you again today. It’s almost fall here where we are, and many sports, especially American football, will be starting back. Some coaches will say, “it isn’t about winning or losing, it is how you play the game.” Now, really competitive folks don’t typically like that saying too much. Everyone loves the feeling of working hard and winning! Maybe, for everyday life in general, you have heard the saying, “Well, sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose?” Whether it is actual sports or actual life moments, today let’s think about the twist on that by John Maxwell, “Sometimes you win; sometimes you learn.”
The reality is that “we live in a sinful, fallen world, and sometimes that world falls on us,” as Robert Kellemen says. As a family, sometimes the world falls on us, and we have a choice in difficult family times. Are we going to win, learn, or lose?
As the explanations for Maxwell’s book Sometimes You Win; Sometimes You Learn describe, any setback whether it is a game loss, a bad grade, a botched audition, a job loss, or something less, can be seen as a step forward when we possess the right tools to turn that loss into a gain of knowledge.”
So, how can a five-minute family learn when situations are, or feel like, a loss:
Get back up. Proverbs 24:16 says, “For the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.” We must choose to get back up - for the sake of our family, for the sake of our community, for the sake of ourselves, and for the sake of God. He saved us from eternal damnation. This world will try to beat you down, but in honor of God and in support of one another, we must each be willing to reengage in the daily battles that will happen.
Evaluate what happened. 1 Corinthians 10:11 reminds us, “Now these things happened to them as an example, but they were written down for our instruction, on whom the end of the ages has come.” As Mr. Maxwell points out, “experience isn't the best teacher--evaluated experience is.” It might be hard to talk about what happened as a family, but if we are not willing to evaluate the loss (or perceived loss), we may harbor resentment, false beliefs, or other toxic responses.
Check your emotions. When James 1:2-4 says, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing,” James is not meaning that we have to feel happy about the loss or struggle we are in. God does mean for us to realize that we cannot let our emotions control our next steps. We must acknowledge the emotions so that we can deal with them in healthy ways.
Be honest. Again in James, this time in chapter 3 verse 2, we read, “For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is mature, able also to control the whole body.” Let’s not try to “spin” a loss as a win. We need to fully grasp what we need to learn from the loss, or not full win, so that we can grow closer to one another and to God.
And, last, trust God in the process. So much of our earthly norms and storms come down to Romans 8:28, “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” Practically speaking, as family, try to keep a log, whether in a journal or on the cloud, of all the times, a situation felt like a loss - or, at least, it didn’t feel like a win, and review what God did in the long run. Many of us have a story about a prayer that they prayed and God said no; then, as time marched on, they could see why God did not give them what they asked for then. Share those stories with one another - if they are age appropriate, of course, and remind one another of God’s ultimate plan of victory over death.
God is good. All the time. We forget that way too often in the learning moments. Take time today to commit as a family to use every opportunity in life to grow closer to one another and to God.
Thank you for joining us here at the Five Minute Family. We’d love to have you share your thoughts on family life. Feel free to reach out to us on social media or via our email at [email protected]. Be blessed!
- Laat meer zien
