Afleveringen
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When Kimberly and I wrapped Episode 3, we thought that was it. We had laid the foundation: what narcissistic abuse looks like, why itâs so hard to leave, and the trauma that keeps survivors stuck in cycles of confusion and guilt. We closed the conversation⌠and then we looked at each other and said, âItâs not over.â
Because the truth is, it never ends at awareness. It doesn't even end at leaving. For many survivors, thatâs when the real war begins.
This is Episode 4 in our ongoing series on narcissistic abuse. If you havenât yet, please catch up on the previous episodesâeach one builds upon the next:đş Watch the full playlist on YouTube
In this episode, Kimberly Weeks (@thenarcissisticabusecoach) and I open up a raw, often silenced chapter: what happens when you go through the family court system with a narcissistic partner.
Weâre not sugarcoating it. This is a trigger warning if youâre deep in this process. We talk honestly about:
What Youâre Really Up Against
Leaving a narcissist isnât just about packing a bag or signing papers. Itâs about disrupting the perfect image theyâve spent years curating. Whether you leave or they file firstâit doesn't matter. The moment the separation becomes public, their mask begins to crack, and they will do whatever it takes to preserve it. Thatâs what narcissistic injury looks like.
What many survivors donât realize is how the legal system becomes another stage for performance. A courtroom becomes a tool of manipulation. The narcissist uses it to flip the narrative: they become the victim, and youâthe one who has endured the abuseâare painted as unstable, emotional, unfit, irrational.
Why the Court Doesnât Care About âJusticeâ
We go into these courtrooms expecting fairness. We think someone will finally see the truth. But family court isnât criminal court. Itâs not built to acknowledge coercive control or emotional abuse. Itâs built to divide assets and assign parenting time.
And that hurts. Especially when you know youâve endured harm that canât be seen on paper. You might think, âFinally, someone will understand what Iâve been through.â But the court doesnât operate in truthâit operates in evidence. Cold facts. And when the harm has been invisible or expertly hidden, survivors are often left retraumatized by the very system they hoped would bring healing.
How the Narcissist Plays the Long Game
Kimberly and I talk about how narcissists use every opportunityâfrom mediation to court hearingsâto provoke you. Because if you lose your composure, they win. If you stay calm, they unravel.
They charm the mediator. They manipulate the therapist. They use your children as leverage. They often become the model parentâposting photos, volunteering at school, showing up to events they never cared aboutâjust to create confusion in the eyes of the court and the community. Meanwhile, you feel like youâre losing your mind.
This is not an accident. Itâs part of the playbook. And unless you know the rules of this game, you will be blindsided.
What You Need to Hold Onto
We recorded this episode not to scare youâbut to prepare you.
You need one person to say, âI believe you.âYou need to learn how to speak in facts, not feelings.You need to show up in court grounded in your truth, even when youâre shaking inside.
And more than anything, you need to grieve the fact that this may not end the way you hoped. You may not get justice. You may not get validation. But you can still get your life back.
You Are Not Alone
Kimberly and I hold space for this every day. And weâre not going to stop talking about it.
Because when youâre going through the fire, having someone next to you who understands why itâs burning and how to walk through it makes all the difference.
đ Learn more about Kimberlyâs work at thenarcissisticabusecoach.comđş Catch up on past episodes: Full YouTube Playlist
More episodes are coming. More stories will be told. Until then, keep going. Youâre not crazy. Youâre not overreacting. Youâre waking up.
đ Unlock the Full Flip Your Mindset Experience
Want to go deeper in your healing journey?Join our paid community and get exclusive access to tools and support designed to help you reclaim your story and transform your life.
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â Weekly Flip Your Mindset podcast episodesâ 2 Monthly LIVE Q+A Sessions with Stacey Uhrig on trauma, burnout, narcissistic abuse & recoveryâ Access to premium mental health resources (worksheets, guides, ebooks & more)
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We often think of trauma as a mental experience. Something that happened in the past. Something you can "talk through" or "understand" with enough therapy, journaling, or willpower.
But what if your body remembers in ways your mind can't explain?
What if the tension in your hips, the inflammation in your gut, or the tightness in your chest is your body telling the truth your mind has long tried to forget?
In this episode of Flip Your Mindset, I sit down with Grant Clarkâmovement coach, trauma survivor, and founder of Hidden Warriorâto explore a perspective that many miss: the wisdom of the body and its role in deep emotional healing.
Grant doesnât just teach movement. He teaches remembrance.He teaches reconnection.He teaches how to feel safe enough to return to your own body.
Because healing isnât about fixing whatâs broken. Itâs about reintroducing yourself to parts of you that had to shut down just to survive.
Hereâs what we unpack in this powerful conversation:
* The overlooked connection between chronic pain and unprocessed trauma
* Why the hips are often a storage vault for unspoken grief, shame, and rage
* How movement practices like Qigong and breathwork help discharge what words never could
* The difference between coping and healing
* And what it really means to live from a place of embodied safety
This is more than an interview. Itâs a reminder.
That you donât have to carry it all in silence.That healing is possible, even if youâve tried everything.That your body has not given up on youâitâs just waiting for you to come home.
If youâve ever felt like youâre âdoing all the workâ but still feel stuck⌠this conversation will meet you where you are.
đ Watch the full episode heređ Learn more about Grantâs work at Hidden Warrior
We end the episode with a moment of stillnessâand I invite you to do the same after listening. Let your body speak. Let it breathe. Let it guide you.
Youâre not broken. Youâre healing. And youâre not alone.
With love,Stacey
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Have you ever had a moment where you realize youâre doing everything ârightââbut still feel completely disconnected from yourself?
Youâre holding down the job. Showing up for your friends. Getting things done.But underneath the surface? You feel numb. Burned out. Stuck in your head. Your body? Itâs just⌠surviving.
Thatâs not failure. Thatâs functional freezeâand itâs a lot more common than we think.
In this powerful episode of Flip Your Mindset, I had the chance to sit down with Jessica Parenteâa board-certified psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner, somatic trauma-informed coach, and Level 4 brainspotting practitioner. Sheâs also the founder of It Ends With You, LLC, and someone whoâs lived through and healed from many of the same struggles our community faces: childhood trauma, narcissistic abuse, grief, dissociation, and high-functioning burnout.
Jessica brings a rare mix of clinical expertise and lived experience. And our conversation? It cracked something open for meâand I believe it will for you, too.
What we talked about:
đ§ Functional Freeze vs. High-Functioning AnxietyMost of us have heard about fight or flight. But what about freeze? Jessica explains how many people (especially women) are walking around in a state of functional freezeâdisconnected from their bodies, emotionally numb, and constantly doing as a way to avoid feeling.
Pathologizing vs. Non-Pathologizing Mental HealthThis part gave me chills. Jessica breaks down how the traditional mental health model is built around diagnosis, labels, and meds. And while thatâs helpful for some, it often misses the deeper truth: weâre not broken. Our nervous systems are doing exactly what they were trained to doâprotect us. Real healing starts with seeing the human, not the disorder.
Brainspotting: A Portal to Healing the BodyJessica describes brainspotting as a somatic modality that helps people access and release trauma through fixed eye positions and body awareness. Itâs not about reliving the past or talking your way through it. Itâs about feeling safe enough to let your body finish what it never got to complete.
âYou canât think your way out of a trauma response. There is no mantra strong enough to override the nervous system when itâs in survival.â â Jessica Parente
Why Youâre Not âOver Itâ Yet (And Thatâs Okay)We talk about how trauma healing isnât linearâand how your nervous system might intellectually want to move forward, but your body isnât ready yet. And thatâs not a flaw. Thatâs wisdom.
âThere were things I had processed over and over in therapy. I understood themâbut I didnât feel any better. It wasnât until I started brainspotting that my body actually began to let go.â â Jessica Parente
Why this episode matters
So many of us walk around thinking, âIâve already dealt with that,â just because weâve talked about it. But talking isnât the same as processing.
Your trauma didnât just happen in your mind.It happened in your body.And your healing has to reach your body, too.
If youâve been stuck in a loopâdoing the work, saying the affirmations, going to therapyâbut still feel anxious, disconnected, or chronically burnt out⌠this episode will help you understand why.
Thereâs nothing wrong with you.Youâre not broken.Your nervous system is doing the best it can with the tools it has.
Ready to go deeper?
đ§ Listen now to Flip Your Mindsetđ Learn more about Jessica Parente at:
https://itendswithyoullc.com
You deserve to feel safe in your own body.You deserve to feel whole.And most importantlyâyou donât have to figure it out alone.
With you on the journey,âStacey
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What happens when the version of you that made everyone else comfortable finally becomes too heavy to carry?
In this weekâs episode of Flip Your Mindset, I sat down with Megan Pisanoâinterior designer, mother of two, and someone who reached her breaking point through years of quiet burnout masked as âgo with the flow.â
She found me during a networking event, where I was speaking about burnout. Mid-talk, she locked eyes with me and knew: âThatâs me.â
Meganâs story is the story of so many high-functioning womenâthose who say yes to everything, keep up appearances, and slowly erode their sense of self in the name of being liked, needed, or simply not abandoned.
âI didnât know who I was,â she said. âI wasnât even sure what I liked.â
It wasnât until her second child was born and her marriage began to crumble that the truth became undeniable: the people-pleasing, the perfectionism, and the constant nervous system overload were not sustainable. She was exhausted. She was empty.
But this isnât a story of collapse. Itâs a story of rising.
Megan walked through her healing journey in the most human wayâone yoga retreat at a time, one boundary at a time, one small moment of choosing herself when the old version of her wouldâve said yes out of fear. She went from the woman who texted me, proud she said no to a group boat ride, to someone confidently renovating her home, running her design firm, and parenting with clarity.
Sheâs still healing. But arenât we all?
If youâve ever felt like youâve abandoned yourself to be accepted, if youâve lived in fear that someone not liking you means youâre not worthyâyouâre not alone. And you donât have to stay stuck.
Start small.
Get curious about what lights you up. Follow what makes you smile. And remind yourself: healing doesnât mean never taking steps backward. It means trusting the process, even when the steps are messy.
âThe more Iâm myself, the more people kind of gravitate,â Megan shared. And sheâs right. Authenticity has a gravitational pull. But it starts with letting go of the masks.
đ If youâre ready to stop hustling for your worth and start healing the invisible wounds underneath it all, Iâd love to support you.Book a 75-minute trauma consultation today.
Book now at www.flipyourmindset.com
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This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit flipyourmindset.substack.com/subscribe -
Most people donât understand narcissistic abuse until itâs too late.
Itâs not just about emotional manipulation. Itâs a complete hijacking of your nervous system. Your sense of safety. Your identity. Itâs a form of trauma that masquerades as confusion, as loyalty, even as love.
Thatâs why I brought Kimberly Weeks back for the third time. If youâve listened to parts one and two, you already know the depth and clarity she brings to this topic. But this conversation? Itâs the most raw, unfiltered, and practical one yet.
âThis is not a mindset flip. The mindset flip does not come before the nervous system flip.â â Kimberly Weeks
When Youâre Being Sabotaged for Healing
Kim shares how people with narcissistic traits often sense when youâre about to take your power backâand how they weaponize your growth.
âIf you have an exit strategy, absolutely do not let them know you have your plans. If you tell them youâre seeing a coach or therapist, theyâll sabotage it. They will feel the shift in your energy and destabilize you.â
Itâs diabolical. The abuse isn't always loud. Often, itâs a calculated erosion of your realityâleaving you doubting your own sanity and craving their approval.
Trauma Bonds Are Not About LogicâTheyâre About Survival
If youâve ever felt stuck in a relationship that was clearly hurting you, youâre not aloneâand youâre not weak.
Kim reminds us that trauma bonds are survival-based. Theyâre rooted in early wiring and nervous system responses. Thatâs why her healing model centers on somatic safety, co-regulation, and communityânot just mindset work.
âWe need accountability. We need people walking the same walk. We need rituals, regulation, and reflection.â
Why Talk Therapy Isnât Always Enough
Kim gets personal about her journey. She had a therapist. But that therapist didnât understand narcissistic abuse.
So Kim did the work herself. She trained. She healed. And now sheâs created Stand Firmâa trauma-informed coaching community designed specifically for women breaking free from narcissistic abuse.
âI want to make it easier for the next woman. I want her to understand whatâs happeningâneurologically, emotionally, spirituallyâso she can reclaim her life.â
The Power of Being Believed
If youâre in this cycleâmaybe silently suffering, maybe deeply confusedâKim wants you to hear one thing:
âI believe you. You donât have to convince me or anyone in my community that what youâre experiencing is real.â
đ Still Questioning Your Relationship?
Take the Exit Plan Quiz and find out if you're ready to leave the narcissist behindâand how to start your journey to freedom.
â It's free â Takes less than 5 minutes â Gives you personalized next steps
đ Start your Exit Plan now â Your healing begins with clarity. Take the Quiz:
https://www.thenarcissisticabusecoach.com/
Ready to Begin Healing?
If you're feeling stuck in a trauma bond or navigating post-separation chaos⌠đ Book a 75-minute consultation with me at flipyourmindset.com
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If youâve ever felt like your body is betraying you...If youâve ever been told your symptoms are âall in your headââŚIf youâve ever left a doctor's office feeling unseen, misunderstood, or blamed for your painâŚ
You are not alone.And you are not broken.
In todayâs conversation, I sat down with Dr. Veronique Mead â former physician, somatic trauma educator, and creator of the Chronic Illness Trauma Studies â to dive into one of the most important, yet often overlooked, root causes of chronic illness: unresolved trauma.
"Chronic illness isnât random. Itâs a natural, biological response to overwhelming experiences the body couldn't fully process." â Dr. Veronique Mead
What if your body's symptoms werenât failures â but instead, deeply intelligent responses?What if your migraines, your fatigue, your autoimmunity weren't defects, but survival strategies?
This changes everything.
Trauma and Chronic Illness: A Missing Link
Dr. Mead shared how, for decades, the medical system taught her to focus only on surface symptoms â prescribing medications and managing diseases. But through her own journey of chronic illness, she discovered something traditional medicine often misses: the profound role of the nervous system.
When we experience trauma â whether a single overwhelming event or ongoing childhood adversity â it can rewire our biology.
* Our nervous systems become hyper-vigilant.
* Our immune systems become dysregulated.
* Our bodies stay stuck in survival mode long after the original threat is gone.
"Trauma is not the event itself. It's what happens inside our bodies as a result of the event." â Dr. Veronique Mead
This means chronic illnesses â from fibromyalgia, to chronic fatigue, to autoimmune conditions â arenât ârandom bad luckâ or âgenetic defects.âThey are adaptations.
And just as they were shaped, they can begin to heal.
Your Body Is Trying to Protect You â Not Punish You
One of the most healing shifts we talked about is this:Symptoms are not your enemy. Symptoms are your bodyâs language of protection.
When a nervous system has been overwhelmed for too long, it may shut down parts of itself to survive.
* It may slow digestion.
* It may trigger inflammation.
* It may create fatigue to force you to stop.
* It may express emotional pain through physical symptoms.
Itâs not weakness.Itâs wisdom.
Your body isnât punishing you â itâs trying to protect you in the only way it knows how.
This understanding doesnât erase the real suffering of chronic illness.But it transforms the way we relate to our bodies:From war... to partnership.From judgment... to compassion.
If Youâve Ever Felt Dismissed by Doctors...
You are not crazy.You are not imagining it.And you deserve a different kind of care â one that sees the full truth of your story.
In this episode, Dr. Mead offers hope for those of us who have felt isolated in our healing journeys.
* Hope that our bodies can change, even after decades of illness.
* Hope that understanding trauma can empower better health.
* Hope that healing is possible â when we address not just the symptoms, but the roots.
Because when we heal the trauma underneath, the body can finally begin to come out of survival mode... and into safety, connection, and vitality.
Resources We Mentioned
* đď¸ Download Dr. Veronique Meadâs free Trauma and Chronic Illness Fact Sheets:Visit chronicillnesstraumastudies.com
* đ Read The Deepest Well by Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, a groundbreaking book on childhood trauma and lifelong health:Find it here
If Youâre Ready to Begin Your Healing Journey
If you recognize yourself in this â if youâre tired of being dismissed, tired of fighting your own body, and ready to finally heal the root cause â I would be honored to walk alongside you.
Healing isnât about "fixing" yourself.Itâs about coming home to yourself.
You donât have to do it alone.You can begin today.
I am ready
With so much love and hope,Stacey Uhrig
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When someone looks you in the eye and says, âYouâre overreacting,â âYouâre too sensitive,â or âThis is all in your head,â your nervous system registers something long before your mind can catch up.
That something is what this conversation with Kimberly Weeks was all about.
Kimberly isnât just a mentor in the field of trauma recovery. Sheâs walked through the fire herself. From her own childhood experience to surviving a narcissistic marriage, Kimberly brings a rare combination of clinical knowledge and lived truth. And when she talks about narcissistic abuseânot just as a theory, but as a deeply destabilizing experienceâyou feel the truth in your bones.
What Is Narcissistic Abuse?
Thereâs abuse, and then thereâs narcissistic abuse.
As Kimberly Weeks explained, not all abuse is the same. Someone might cause harm because theyâre overwhelmed, under-resourced, or repeating old patternsâbut they often carry remorse and want to change.
Narcissistic abuse is different. Itâs strategic. Itâs calculated. And worst of allâitâs addictive.
Yes, addictive.
Because the cycleâlove bombing, devaluation, discard, and hooveringâdoesnât just mess with your mind. It hijacks your biology. Cortisol, oxytocin, adrenalineâit all creates a chemical tether that keeps you locked into believing, âMaybe it was my fault. Maybe I can fix it.â
But hereâs the truth: You didnât cause this. And you canât cure it.
Itâs Not About the Label
Many clients ask, âIs he/she a narcissist?â
And while the question is valid, Kimberly and I both agreeâthe more important question is: How do you feel in this relationship?
Do you feel safe? Seen? Heard?
If the answer is no, the label becomes less important than the liberation.
Weaponized Confusion
One of the most chilling takeaways from our conversation was this phrase from Kimberly Weeks: weaponized cognitive dissonance.
Itâs the back-and-forth of emotional whiplash. The confusion of âHe was amazing yesterdayâso why do I feel like Iâm losing my mind today?â
That confusion is the abuse.
Kimberly described how abusers strategically create chaos, then call you unstable for reacting. They undermine your voice, distort your reality, and oftenâgo one step furtherâby telling your friends, your family, even your therapist, that you are the problem.
Itâs not just emotional abuse. Itâs identity erosion.
The Most Dangerous Phase: After You Leave
If you think the abuse ends when you leave, think again.
Post-separation abuse is realâand often escalates when the narcissist loses control. Thatâs when the smear campaigns begin. When the legal system becomes a weapon. When even a birthday post can be twisted into a battleground.
Kimberly reminded us that the most powerful thing you can do in these moments is go no contact. Itâs not punishment. Itâs protection. It's recovery. Itâs detox.
You Are Not Alone
If this episode left your nervous system buzzing, I want you to pause.
Breathe.
You are not crazy. You are not overreacting. And you are not alone.
Whether youâre in it, coming out of it, or still trying to make sense of what it even is, I hope youâll hear this:
âThe fact that you're even trying to understand what happened to you is proof they didn't break you.â â Kimberly Weeks
You are lovable. You are worthy. And you donât have to figure this out alone.
Resources:
* Kimberly Weeks | TheNarcissisticAbuseCoach.com
Letâs keep this conversation going.If this resonated, reply to this post or forward it to someone who needs to knowâtheyâre not the crazy one.
FLIP YOUR MINDSET is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
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When Ron Gold woke up in a hospital bed after a horrific cycling accident, the words from his neurosurgeon were final: "You're paralyzed. You won't walk again."
For weeks, he held onto hope that it wasn't true. He refused to believe his body, which had always been strong, had failed him. Even months later, he would wake up expecting to feel his legs move. Each time, the realization hit again: he couldn't.
This is not just a story about a spinal cord injury. It's about what it means to rebuild your life from the ground upâphysically, emotionally, and spiritually. It's about losing everything that once defined you and having to ask, "Who am I now?"
Ron was a Wall Street executive. An athlete. A husband and father of three. He had climbed mountains, literally and figuratively. But the SUV that crossed into his lane that day didn't just take his ability to walkâit shattered the life he knew.
And yet, he started again.
From Trauma to Truth
Ron doesn't sugarcoat what happened. He speaks of the fog in the hospital, of the hallucinations from medication, of the grief that came with realizing this was permanent. He also shares something many don't talk about: the emotional pain of becoming dependent on others after living a life of independence.
He talks about the internal battle between fixed and growth mindsets. He had always been a doer, a leader, someone who got things done. But now, everything was slow. Everything was hard. And yet, he began to figure it out.
Ron came to understand that resilience isn't about pretending you're okay. It's about carrying on. It's about adapting, grieving, receiving help without judgment, and eventuallyâfinding purpose.
The Power of Receiving
One of the most powerful parts of Ron's story is his honest reflection on learning how to receive help. Our culture praises independence, and Ron had to let go of the shame of needing support. He said something profound: we can't truly give without judgment unless we've learned to receive without judgment.
It took him years, but with time he found grace in receiving. And that shift allowed him to see something else: the opportunity to serve others walking the same hard road.
Lean On We: A Mission Born of Adversity
When Ron left the hospital, he and his wife Betsy faced the broken world of home care. Insurance didnât cover what he needed. Agencies were expensive, impersonal, and often unhelpful.
So they created something new.
Lean On We is a vetted network that connects families with experienced caregivers in a way that empowers both parties. It's personal. It's transparent. It's about preserving dignity and giving people real choice when they're at their most vulnerable.
Through Lean On We, Ron has helped thousands of families navigate aging, illness, and injury with compassion and agency. Itâs a legacy rooted in empathy.
What Resilience Really Means
Ron shared many stories in our conversation. From surviving a 60-foot rock climbing fall in his 20s, to watching the towers fall on 9/11 from his Lehman Brothers office, to losing his career and fortune in the financial collapse. But nothing, he says, compares to the inner work required after becoming paralyzed.
He didnât just survive. He chose to live differently. And in doing so, he found that even when everything external is taken, we still have something powerful left:
The choice to carry on.
Ron says, âYou can do hard things. I'm living proof.â
A Legacy of Perspective
As a father and now a grandfather, Ron is writing letters to his grandchildren, passing on the lessons that only a life interrupted can teach. Heâs turned his pain into purpose. Not because he wanted to, but because he could.
Thatâs the thing about resilience. It doesnât shout. It doesnât pretend. It whispers, âKeep going.â And somehow, thatâs enough.
To learn more about Ronâs work:
* Speaking: RonGold.live
* Home Care: LeanOnWe.com
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Letting go. Two simple words that carry a weight far heavier than they appear. We hear it all the timeââJust let it go.â But if it were that easy, wouldnât we all be walking around free from the pain of our past? The truth is, letting go is often one of the hardest things we do. Whether itâs a relationship, a past hurt, or a deeply ingrained belief, releasing what no longer serves us isnât just about making a decision. Itâs about unraveling the emotional threads that have woven themselves into our identity.
Why Do We Hold On?
We hold on because, in many ways, the things we struggle to release have become part of us. A relationship, even a toxic one, may feel like a piece of our foundation. A painful memory, though it hurts, might serve as a reminder of what weâve been through. Even self-limiting beliefsââIâm not good enough,â âI donât deserve happinessââcan become comfortable in their familiarity.
Fear plays a major role in our reluctance to let go. Fear of the unknown, fear of losing a piece of ourselves, fear of what comes next. Sometimes, holding on feels safer than stepping into the uncertainty of change.
The Hidden Cost of Holding On
The longer we hold on, the more we carry. Emotional weight isnât just a metaphorâit affects our mental health, our relationships, and even our physical well-being. It keeps us stuck in cycles of self-doubt, prevents us from embracing new opportunities, and reinforces patterns that no longer serve us. Imagine trying to run a race while carrying a heavy backpack. Thatâs what it feels like to cling to things that no longer support our growth.
How to Truly Let Go
Letting go isnât a one-time eventâitâs a process. It requires awareness, intention, and sometimes, a lot of patience. Here are a few steps to help you start releasing whatâs weighing you down:
* Acknowledge the Hold â What are you struggling to let go of? Name it. Understand why it still has a grip on you.
* Identify the Fear â Whatâs stopping you from releasing it? Are you afraid of change, loneliness, or failure? Recognizing the fear is the first step to overcoming it.
* Rewrite the Narrative â Often, we hold on because of the story weâve told ourselves. Challenge that story. What if letting go isnât a loss, but a step toward freedom?
* Practice Small Releases â Letting go doesnât have to happen all at once. Start with small stepsâset boundaries, reframe your thoughts, or physically remove reminders of what no longer serves you.
* Lean on Support â Healing isnât meant to be done alone. Whether itâs a coach, a friend, or a community, having support can make the process feel less overwhelming.
A Final Thought
Letting go is not about forgettingâitâs about making peace with what was and stepping into what could be. Itâs about creating space for growth, for new experiences, for joy. If youâre struggling with this, know that youâre not alone. It takes time, but every small step is a move toward freedom.
What are you ready to let go of today? Letâs start the conversation. Drop a comment below or share your thoughtsâIâd love to hear from you.
#LettingGo #Healing #PersonalGrowth #EmotionalFreedom #TraumaRecovery #MindsetShift
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We all get triggered. One minute, life feels steady, and the nextâboomâweâre completely thrown off by an emotion we didnât expect. Triggers can feel overwhelming, but they donât have to control us. In my latest podcast episode, I sat down with Sherry DâElia to talk about how we can work through triggers instead of getting stuck in them. And it all starts with five simple but powerful questions.
Why We Get Triggered
As Sherry explained, triggers pull us out of our resiliency zone. Something happensâa comment, a situation, a memoryâand suddenly, weâre in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode before we even realize it. Our reactions often feel automatic, but theyâre usually tied to something much deeper.
I shared a personal story about how, for five years, I struggled to check my personal email. Just thinking about opening it would send a wave of anxiety through my bodyâall the way down to my sacral root. That reaction didnât come from nowhere. It was my nervous system remembering past stress and warning me to stay away, even though the present situation was safe.
So, how do we break free from these patterns? Thatâs where the five questions come in.
The 5 Questions to Work Through a Trigger
When you feel triggered, grab a journal and ask yourself these five questions:
1ď¸âŁ What are my thoughts?Write them all down, unfiltered. Let your mind run and capture whatever comes up.
2ď¸âŁ What are my feelings?Are you angry? Anxious? Hurt? Notice where you feel it in your body.
3ď¸âŁ How is this familiar?When have you felt like this before? Often, our triggers are connected to past experiencesâespecially from childhood.
4ď¸âŁ How did I adapt back then?Did you shut down? People-please? Get defensive? The way we coped as kids often carries into adulthood.
5ď¸âŁ What can I do differently now?This is where the real power is. Instead of repeating old patterns, choose a new response. Even small changes lead to big shifts over time.
Healing is a Process
As Sherry put it:
"A lot of times, we're doing things and we're not even realizingâoh, I could change this."
And thatâs the key. Awareness is the first step to healing.
This conversation also took us deep into inner child work and how our nervous system holds onto old wounds. We even explored some of Sherryâs favorite healing techniques, like holographic memory resolution, which helps reprocess painful memories in a way that allows us to move forward.
Take Your Healing Deeper
If this episode resonated with you, I highly recommend checking out Sherryâs self-paced courseâa powerful guide to healing with grounding and trauma-informed techniques. You can find all the details here: holisticpsychotherapyct.com.
Triggers donât have to define us. When we engage from a place of voice and choice, we reclaim our power.
Let me know in the commentsâwhich of these five questions resonated with you the most? Iâd love to hear how youâre working through your own triggers.
Until next time, stay curious and keep healing.
đ Follow me for more insights on trauma healing & personal growth.
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When we think of adoption, we often picture a beautiful storyâone of love, new beginnings, and a child finding their forever home. But what if thereâs more to the story? What if, beneath the surface, adoptees are carrying a trauma that few parents are ever prepared for?
In my latest podcast episode, I sat down with Beth Syverson, an adoptive mother whose journey took an unexpected and heartbreaking turn. Her son, Joey, struggled with chronic suicidalityâsomething Beth never connected to his adoption until it was nearly too late.
The Reality of Adoption Trauma
"Adoptees are 36.7 times more likely to attempt suicide." Thatâs not just a statistic; itâs a wake-up call.
Beth shared how she once believed adoption was just a part of their storyâsomething that happened but didnât define them. But as Joey grew, his struggles became undeniable. What looked like a well-adjusted, compliant child was actually a deeply traumatized child masking his pain through people-pleasing and hyper-independence.
Understanding Relinquishment Trauma
From the moment of separation, an adoptee experiences a ruptureâa loss that their nervous system registers as a threat to survival. Even if a child is adopted at birth, the removal from their biological mother creates a subconscious sense of abandonment. Beth never realized this connection until another adoptee told her to read The Primal Woundâa book that changed everything for her.
As I shared in the episode: Your nervous system doesnât care if you were adopted at birth or six monthsâit still experiences loss.
Adoptive parents are often prepared for discussions around race, identity, and belongingâbut what about attachment, trauma, and loss? Why arenât more families told about this when they begin their adoption journey?
The Signs No One Talks About
Beth reflected on the early signs she missed:â Hyperactivity, masking anxietyâ Extreme people-pleasing behaviorâ Struggles with transitions and separationâ Deep emotional distress but no language to express it
Whatâs even more alarming? Many adoptees are misdiagnosed with ADHD, depression, or oppositional defiant disorder, when in reality, their behaviors stem from complex trauma. And when trauma is mistaken for a behavioral issue, the real wounds go unhealed.
How Can We Do Better?
Beth has dedicated her life to helping families wake up sooner than she did. She created the Healing the Adoption Constellation Database, a first-of-its-kind resource connecting adoptees, parents, and professionals to adoption-informed therapists, coaches, and healing practitioners.
If you are an adoptive parentâor know someone who isâhereâs what you can do:
đ Get educated. Read books like The Primal Wound and Adoption and Suicidality by Beth Syverson.đ Seek adoption-competent support. Many therapists arenât trained in adoption trauma. Use Bethâs database to find the right help.đ Change the conversation. Stop telling adoptees they should be "grateful." Instead, give them space to explore their emotions and experiences.
Healing starts with awareness, honesty, and repair. And as Beth reminds us, "When you know better, you do better."
đ Explore the Healing the Adoption Constellation Database: https://unravelingadoption.com/healingđ Read Adoption and Suicidality by Beth Syverson
If this conversation resonated with you, Iâd love to hear your thoughts. Have you or someone you know experienced adoption-related struggles? Letâs continue this important discussion. Drop a comment below or share this with someone who needs it. đ
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Burnout isnât just about feeling overworkedâitâs a full-body breakdown that impacts your mind, emotions, and physical health. In my latest conversation with burnout expert Cait Donovan, we unpack what burnout really is, why so many people experience it (even if they arenât in traditional jobs), and how chronic stress rewires the brain and body.
What Is Burnout?
Most people think burnout is simply extreme exhaustion. But Cait explains that it goes much deeper than that. The World Health Organization defines burnout as a workplace phenomenon with three main factors:
* Physical and emotional exhaustion
* Detachment and cynicism
* A sense of ineffectiveness or lack of impact
While this definition is useful, itâs also incomplete. Burnout isnât just a workplace issueâitâs the result of chronic, prolonged stress that affects every system in the body. Your cardiovascular health, immune system, nervous system, and even brain structure can suffer from long-term stress overload.
Burnout and Trauma: A Hidden Link
One of the most eye-opening parts of our discussion was the connection between adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and adult burnout. Cait explains how early-life stress conditions the nervous system to stay in a state of high alert, making people more vulnerable to chronic stress later in life.
If you grew up in an environment where you had to be hyper-aware of othersâ moods, anticipate conflict, or prioritize othersâ needs over your own, you may have unknowingly trained your brain to function in a state of constant survival mode. This can lead to emotional exhaustion, difficulty setting boundaries, and ultimately, burnout.
How Burnout Affects the Brain
Chronic stress rewires the brain in profound ways:
* Your prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision-making and emotional regulation) shrinks. This makes it harder to think clearly, regulate emotions, or make decisions.
* Your amygdala (the fear center) becomes hyperactive. This means you perceive threats where none exist, keeping you stuck in fight-or-flight mode.
* Your hippocampus (responsible for memory and learning) atrophies. This can cause brain fog, forgetfulness, and difficulty concentrating.
This is why burnout often feels like your brain has âshut down.â Simple tasks become overwhelming. You may struggle to make decisions, focus, or even remember things. Itâs not just in your headâyour brain is physically changing due to prolonged stress.
Signs Youâre Burnt Out
Burnout can manifest in different ways for different people, but some common signs include:â Feeling physically and emotionally drained, even after restâ Increased irritability, cynicism, or detachment from work or loved onesâ Brain fog, forgetfulness, or difficulty making decisionsâ Chronic headaches, gut issues, or muscle painâ Loss of motivation or feeling like nothing matters anymore
If any of these resonate, youâre not alone. The good news? Recovery is possible.
The First Step in Burnout Recovery
Contrary to popular advice, Cait says burnout recovery doesnât start with gratitudeâit starts with resentment.
Why? Because resentment reveals the places where we are overgiving, overextending, or abandoning ourselves. If you feel resentful about doing the dishes while your partner relaxes on the couch, thatâs a sign that you might be deprioritizing your own rest. If you feel resentful at work, it might mean youâre taking on too much without setting clear boundaries.
Practical Steps to Reclaim Your Energy
1. Start Noticing Resentment. Pay attention to when and where you feel resentfulâitâs a roadmap to your unmet needs.2. Set Small Boundaries. Practice saying no in tiny, low-risk ways. You donât have to take on everything!3. Prioritize Foundational Self-Care. This means meeting your bodyâs most basic needs: pee when you have to pee, drink water when youâre thirsty, rest when youâre tired. These seem small, but theyâre actually powerful ways to retrain your brain.4. Give Yourself Grace. Burnout recovery takes timeâoften months or even years. You canât rush healing. The goal isnât perfection, itâs progress.
Final Thoughts
Burnout isnât a personal failureâitâs a natural response to chronic stress. If youâre struggling, know that youâre not broken, and you can recover. By recognizing the signs, tuning into resentment, and making small but intentional shifts in self-care and boundaries, you can reclaim your energy and build a more sustainable, fulfilling life.
Learn More About Caitâs work: https://www.caitdonovan.com/
đš Want more insights on burnout, trauma recovery, and mental health? Subscribe to my Substack for weekly deep dives and practical strategies!
đŹ Whatâs one thing youâre doing today to care for yourself? Drop a commentâIâd love to hear from you!
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I love a good personal development book. When Mel Robbins released The Let Them Theory, I was eager to dive in. Iâve followed her for years, attended her live events, and always appreciated her practical, no-nonsense approach to personal growth. Her work resonates with me because, like her, I focus on tangible, actionable strategies for self-improvement.
But as I read The Let Them Theory, something didnât sit right with me.
The premise is simple: stop trying to control others. If someone cancels plans? Let them. If a partner has bad habits? Let them. If a coworker doesnât meet expectations? Let them. The book encourages us to shift our focus from external control to internal peace, which is a powerful and liberating concept.
And yet, I found myself asking: But what about people with complex trauma?
Why âLet Themâ Falls Short for Trauma Survivors
For people with developmental trauma or complex PTSD, the idea of simply âletting themâ isnât just difficultâit can feel impossible. Many trauma survivors struggle with deep-rooted people-pleasing behaviors, difficulty setting boundaries, and a chronic need for validation. These arenât just bad habits; theyâre survival mechanisms.
Telling someone with a history of trauma to âjust let themâ is like telling someone with a broken leg to âjust walk it off.â It ignores the underlying nervous system responses that drive their need for control.
People whoâve experienced childhood neglect, abandonment, or emotional abuse are wired to scan for threats. Their nervous systems have been shaped by unpredictability, making it incredibly difficult to relinquish control without first doing deeper healing work. Without addressing these core wounds, trying to âlet themâ can feel like abandoning oneself rather than setting a healthy boundary.
Healing Comes Before âLetting Themâ
In my work as a trauma-informed coach, I use modalities like Internal Family Systems (IFS), Polyvagal Theory, and Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) to help clients understand and integrate their protective parts. These are the parts of us that people-please, seek validation, and try to control outcomes in order to feel safe.
Healing these patterns isnât about deciding to think differentlyâitâs about shifting the nervous system. Before someone with unresolved trauma can let go, they have to address the deep-seated beliefs that make control feel necessary for survival.
When real healing takes place, the Let Them mindset becomes possibleâbecause it no longer triggers a survival response. Instead of feeling like rejection or abandonment, it starts to feel like freedom.
Key Takeaways from The Let Them Theory
Despite its limitations for trauma survivors, the book does offer some valuable takeaways:
* Boundaries Are Essential â Letting others make their own choices means protecting your own emotional well-being.
* Youâre Not Responsible for Othersâ Actions â Releasing control doesnât mean abandoning relationships; it means respecting autonomy.
* ** e** â If letting go feels impossible, itâs likely tied to unresolved wounds. The first step isnât trying harder; itâs understanding why control feels necessary.
Final Thoughts
Mel Robbins writes, âLetting them isnât losing control, itâs gaining freedom.â I agree. But for those with trauma histories, gaining that freedom often requires deeper healing first.
So, if youâve tried applying the Let Them mindset and feel like youâre hitting a wall, donât be discouraged. Itâs not because youâre failingâitâs because your nervous system is still holding onto past wounds. Do the healing work first. Then, and only then, can letting go truly set you free.
Have you read The Let Them Theory? What are your thoughts? Iâd love to hear from youâdrop a comment or reply to this post!
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit flipyourmindset.substack.com/subscribe -
What if the job you worked so hard to getâthe one that promised prestige, power, and financial securityâwas also the thing slowly destroying you? Thatâs the story of Jamie Fiore Higgins, a former managing director at Goldman Sachs and author of Bully Market. Jamieâs journey from the heights of Wall Street to reclaiming her true self is both a cautionary tale and an inspiring call to action.
In our recent conversation, we unpacked the psychological toll of toxic corporate environments, the power dynamics that keep employees trapped, and the courage it takes to walk away from it all.
Jamieâs career trajectory was anything but accidental. Raised in a tight-knit immigrant family with a generational expectation of âdoing better,â she found herself striving for success in the most traditional way possibleâby securing a high-paying job at a prestigious firm. But from her first day at Goldman Sachs, the reality was starkly different from the glossy image.
What started as an opportunity of a lifetime quickly morphed into a daily battle for survival in a culture of misogyny, manipulation, and relentless pressure. The unspoken rule? You were only as valuable as your last performance, and there was always someone ready to take your place.
âI was taught that every generation should do better,â Jamie shared. âSo when I got my job at Goldman, my family saw it as me elevating all of us. I felt that pressure every single day.â
Key Quote:
âGoldman was very good at convincing me that I was nothing without them. Nothing without their name, nothing without their money. I really believed that once I left, I would never make another dollar again.â
The Psychological Impact of Workplace Narcissism
What Jamie described mirrors the cycle of narcissistic abuse seen in toxic relationships: the initial love-bombing, the slow erosion of self-worth, and the deep fear of leaving. At Goldman, this manifested as the Tokyo Testâa hiring philosophy based on whether someone could tolerate sitting next to you on a 14-hour flight. It was a system that bred exclusivity and power imbalances, making employees feel both special and replaceable at the same time.
And when it came time to leave? The message was clear: You can only leave Goldman once. A phrase designed to instill fear, make employees question their worth, and keep them trapped.
If any of this sounds familiar, youâre not alone. Many people find themselves in environmentsâwhether at work or in relationshipsâwhere they are conditioned to believe they are powerless. Here are three crucial lessons from Jamieâs journey:
* Trust Your Gut: If something feels off, it probably is. Toxic environments rely on gaslightingâmaking you doubt your own perceptions.
* Get an Outside Perspective: Seek guidance from mentors outside of your organization. When youâre deep in it, itâs hard to see clearly.
* You Are the Asset: Your success is not because of the companyâitâs because of you. And you take that with you wherever you go.
Jamieâs story is proof that walking away doesnât mean failureâit means reclaiming your life. Today, sheâs pursuing the career she always wanted, one rooted in helping others heal.
If you resonated with this conversation, I highly recommend reading Bully Market. You can also connect with Jamie at JamieFioreHiggins.com.
Have you ever experienced a toxic work culture? Share your story in the commentsâIâd love to hear your thoughts. And if you found this post helpful, consider subscribing for more conversations about workplace wellness, personal growth, and healing from trauma.
Until next timeâknow your truth, trust your knowing. đĄ
===========================
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âĄď¸ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@flipyourmindsetâĄď¸ Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/4clBOAzâĄď¸ Spotify: https://shorturl.at/GuhQ6
===========================
Resources:
âĄď¸Heal Trauma 7 days Free email course: https://flipyourmindset.com/healfromtraumaâĄď¸Whatâs Trauma Really Free Course: https://shorturl.at/2fGovâĄď¸Burn Out Workshop: https://shorturl.at/e2qaQâĄď¸Book a 75-Minute consultation with me: https://Flipyourmindset.com/consultation
===========================
Connect with me:
âĄď¸Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/staceyuhrigâĄď¸Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/staceyuhrig/âĄď¸Website: https://www.flipyourmindset.com/
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Have you ever felt drained by someone else's energy? In this episode of Flip Your Mindset, we dive into the tough but necessary truthâyou canât control how others show up, but you can take responsibility for your own well-being.
Join me as we explore:
â Why setting boundaries is an act of self-care, not selfishness
â The difference between porous and rigid boundaries
â How to recognize when someone is disrupting your nervous system
â The power of saying "no" and why itâs an act of love for yourselfYour energy is sacred. Your well-being matters. Letâs talk about how to protect both.
đ Subscribe for more insights on healing, mental health, and personal growth!
=========================== Subscribe and Listen to the Flip Your Mindset Podcast:âĄď¸ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@flipyourmindset
=========================== Resources:
âĄď¸ Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/4clBOAz
âĄď¸ Spotify: https://shorturl.at/GuhQ6âĄď¸Heal Trauma 7 days Free email course: https://flipyourmindset.com/healfromtrauma
âĄď¸Whatâs Trauma Really Free Course: https://shorturl.at/2fGov
âĄď¸Burn Out Workshop: https://shorturl.at/e2qaQ
âĄď¸Book a 75-Minute consultation with me: https://Flipyourmindset.com/consultation===========================
Connect with me:âĄď¸Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/staceyuhrig
âĄď¸Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/staceyuhrig/
âĄď¸Website: https:/...
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Send us a text
Have you ever heard the term "mental injury"? Unlike mental illness, mental injuries are wounds to the mind and soul caused by life experiencesâneglect, trauma, or emotional pain. In this powerful conversation, we dive deep into:â The key difference between mental illness and mental injury
â How Internal Family Systems (IFS) can help you heal
â Why anxiety, self-doubt, and relationship struggles may stem from unhealed wounds
â Practical steps to befriend your anxiety and reclaim your powerJoin us as we uncover how understanding your inner world can lead to deep, lasting transformation. If youâve ever felt stuck, anxious, or like something is holding you back, this episode is for you!
Learn More about Achara Tarfa here: https://www.acharatarfa.com/
=========================== Subscribe and Listen to the Flip Your Mindset Podcast:âĄď¸ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@flipyourmindset
=========================== Resources:
âĄď¸ Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/4clBOAz
âĄď¸ Spotify: https://shorturl.at/GuhQ6âĄď¸Heal Trauma 7 days Free email course: https://flipyourmindset.com/healfromtrauma
âĄď¸Whatâs Trauma Really Free Course: https://shorturl.at/2fGov
âĄď¸Burn Out Workshop: https://shorturl.at/e2qaQ
âĄď¸Book a 75-Minute consultation with me: https://Flipyourmindset.com/consultation===========================
Connect with me:âĄď¸Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/staceyuhrig
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In this powerful conversation, licensed mental health therapist Kyira Wackett unpacks the deep connection between childhood trauma and disordered eating. She shares her personal experiences, insights into traumaâs impact on body image, and how dissociation plays a role in eating behaviors.
We discuss:
đš How trauma disconnects us from our bodies
đš The role of food in self-soothing and survival responses
đš Why cultural messages reinforce disordered eating
đš Practical steps to start healing your relationship with foodIf this resonates with you, know that healing is possible. Watch now and learn how to move toward food and body neutrality.
đ Learn more about Kyiraâs work: Adversity Rising
=========================== Subscribe and Listen to the Flip Your Mindset Podcast:
đ Like, Subscribe & Share if this conversation was helpful!âĄď¸ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@flipyourmindset
=========================== Resources:
âĄď¸ Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/4clBOAz
âĄď¸ Spotify: https://shorturl.at/GuhQ6âĄď¸Heal Trauma 7 days Free email course: https://flipyourmindset.com/healfromtrauma
âĄď¸Whatâs Trauma Really Free Course: https://shorturl.at/2fGov
âĄď¸Burn Out Workshop: https://shorturl.at/e2qaQ
âĄď¸Book a 75-Minute consultation with me: https://Flipyourmindset.com/consultation===========================
Connect with me:âĄď¸Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/staceyuhrig
âĄď¸Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/staceyuhrig/
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Discover how trauma impacts the brain, body, and energy system through the lens of Chinese medicine. In this powerful conversation, Katherine Rohland, holistic healer and founder of Manhattan Medicine Woman, explains how unresolved trauma can disrupt your bodyâs energy flow, manifest as physical symptoms, and prevent you from living in the present. Learn practical techniques to release emotional blockages, balance yin and yang energy, and restore your well-being.
=========================== Subscribe and Listen to the Flip Your Mindset Podcast:
Whether youâre struggling with joint pain, autoimmune conditions, or emotional fatigue, this episode offers hope and actionable steps for healing.
đ Connect with Katherine: https://www.manhattanmedicinewoman.com/
đIG: Manhattan_medicine_woman
âĄď¸TikTok: @manhattanmedicinewoman
đŹ Share your thoughts or healing experiences in the comments below!
đŠ Subscribe for more conversations on trauma recovery and holistic health.âĄď¸ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@flipyourmindset
=========================== Resources:
âĄď¸ Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/4clBOAz
âĄď¸ Spotify: https://shorturl.at/GuhQ6âĄď¸Heal Trauma 7 days Free email course: https://flipyourmindset.com/healfromtrauma
âĄď¸Whatâs Trauma Really Free Course: https://shorturl.at/2fGov
âĄď¸Burn Out Workshop: https://shorturl.at/e2qaQ
âĄď¸Book a 75-Minute consultation with me: https://Flipyourmindset.com/consultation===========================
Connect with me:âĄď¸Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/staceyuhrig
âĄď¸Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/staceyuhrig/
âĄď¸Website: https:/...
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In this powerful episode, I sit down with Nick Prefontaine, a trauma survivor, motivational speaker, and creator of the STEP system. Nick shares his remarkable journey of resilience, beginning with a life-changing snowboarding accident in his teens that left him in a coma and facing an uncertain future.
=========================== Subscribe and Listen to the Flip Your Mindset Podcast:
Discover how Nick defied the odds to not only recover but to thrive, running out of the hospital just 60 days after awakening. He introduces the STEP systemâSupport, Trust, Energy, and Persistenceâa transformative framework he used to rebuild his life and now shares with others to help them overcome challenges and achieve their goals.
Nick also discusses the importance of mindset, receiving support, and taking the first step when life feels insurmountable. Whether youâre navigating personal struggles or seeking inspiration to move forward, this episode offers practical tools, heartfelt encouragement, and proof that every step counts.
Learn more about Nick Prefontaine and download the free STEP system guide at https://nickprefontaine.com/step/
đ§ Tune in for an inspiring story of hope, healing, and the power of persistence!âĄď¸ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@flipyourmindset
=========================== Resources:
âĄď¸ Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/4clBOAz
âĄď¸ Spotify: https://shorturl.at/GuhQ6âĄď¸Heal Trauma 7 days Free email course: https://flipyourmindset.com/healfromtrauma
âĄď¸Whatâs Trauma Really Free Course: https://shorturl.at/2fGov
âĄď¸Burn Out Workshop: https://shorturl.at/e2qaQ
âĄď¸Book a 75-Minute consultation with me: https://Flipyourmindset.com/consultation===========================
Connect with me:âĄď¸Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/staceyuhrig
âĄď¸Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/staceyuhrig/
âĄď¸Website: https:/...
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