Afleveringen
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In response to a survey suggesting people are turning away from the news Giles and Esther pander to the masses and happily look past the obvious headlines.
Who or what constitutes a working man? As the blue and red parties scabble to attract anyone who earns a living Giles is temporarily bewitched by the endless tax breaks on offer from the Reform party. His conscience kicks in but with his new found knowledge of the candidates he does a āwho said whatā quiz for Esther.
Little House on the Prairie - an idyllic serene country existenceā¦? Not so fast! If you survive the warring factions on the plain and the syphilis youāve still got to fight off the cowboys. Perhaps not the best example of the past to offer to children. Giles and Esther consider some better examples, and more pertinent advice for the young people of today.
Lastly, could it really be true that privately educated children are thinner in middle age than their state educated counter parts? Of course not, Esther is suitably exasperated.
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Esther is front page news after writing about a drug which helps with alcoholismā¦unusually she hasnāt just written about naltrexone, sheās tried it. It leads to a discussion about the results of alcohol abuse within different economic groups. As ever the Germans are ahead of the game, theyāve decided to only sell England football fans low alcohol beer.
Rishi Sunak has once again shown his gift for the uncommon touch; Giles thinks he shouldnāt be let lose without a minder.
What is the point of going to university? Giles and Esther disagree, but both can see the endless benefits of going to boarding school.
Bring back kids TV, so says Russel T Davis. Esther likes the idea but what would one bring back, TISWAS, Swap Shop or Going Live?
Finally, as protests sweep the nation Giles has a cunning idea, a protest against his own podcastā¦
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Stephen Fry has upset the ruddy faced members of the MCC; it has left Giles awkwardly fiddling with his box as he balances his desire to join the MCC with his admiration for Mr Fry.
No such trouble with Keir Starmer and Rishi Sunak who come in for equal disdain. Was it a debate or a barrister and a banker meeting at the school gates? Or a special episode of Numberwangā¦?
The debate slid to one side Esther and Giles consider a throbbing question; What are the most annoying ācorporate speakā phrases? Low hanging fruit, blue sky thinkingā¦? Whichever it is, Giles and Esther are about to smut them up for you.
Esther thinks Giles has a big one, Giles thinks it is actually quite small, certainly not as big as Fergieās. Thank goodness the late Queen Elizabeth insisted Fergie parade hers in publicā¦
After all the saucy talk Esther needs a stiff drinkā¦but not on a plane.
Finally, its back to the election as Rishi Sunak enlists Tom Cruise into his campaign teamā¦
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Giles and Esther are away this week. In their absence here is a short collection of recent highlights.
Giles faces a late fitness test. Esther takes the AA road quiz. And why won't flying taxis go south of the river...?
Hope you enjoy them. Please do like and share and weāll see you next week.
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** This episode was recorded just before Prime Minister Rishi Sunak called the election; please sit back and bask in an election free zone.
Has Kevin Costner got better with age? Esther thinks so. She also ranks his film āRobin Hood Prince of Thievesā as the best of all time, unlike his current project ā Horizon: chapter one.
In a spooky premonition Giles stars in his own vanity project; a gripping drama about a snap election, an assassination and an ageing dad being called up to save the ashes.
A new sex themed Italian restaurant has opened in Milan, Giles does not want to know what the specials are!
Despite the recent tragic events statistically air travel is still very safeā¦just donāt board a plane built by the NHS and run by the Post Office. Whatever the plane, the 'Campden Peopleās Theatre' will be flying first class, but theyād love to mix with those in the cheap seatsā¦
Finally, itās time to prepare! Never mind the election weāre talking pandemics, learn from lock down - more pasta and hummus, less toilet roll.
If youāre wondering what the pitter patter in the background is, thatāll be the rain.
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Artist Jonathan Yeo has painted luminaries such as Tony Blair, David Cameron and most recently the King. He has also painted Giles (twice) and Estherās sister. As old friends of Jonathan, Giles and Esther are well placed to guide the philistines of Instagram through his artistic talents.
Chancellor Jeremy Hunt is seeking to reassure the nation that all is well in the UK. Unfortunately, his lacklustre writing style is the least of his problems; he has an 800 year old tax rebate and a batty flautist to sort out first.
A new carrot and carrot approach to the obesity crisis is showing positive results. Are incentives the way forward to change behavioursā¦? How much to make people pronounce semaglutide correctlyā¦?
Finally, Giles gets in touch with his feminine side in the swimming pool, once he has buried his acornsā¦
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The Garrick Club is finally opening its doors to women, well some women. Whilst not a member, as a regular frequenter of the Garrick Giles lets daylight in upon magic and reveals the earth-shattering secrets of the gentlemanās club. Esther wonders why on earth anyone would bother.
A grassroots Muslim campaign group emboldens Giles and Esther to offer their own list of demands to potential PM Keir Starmer.
Brexit makes an unwelcome return as the fall guy for a bad opening night. Esther has sympathy but Giles smells a Gallic rat.
Finally, Esther stumbles upon the unforeseen consequences of automatic only driving testsā¦doom in a post-apocalyptic world. But does it make her sad...?
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The pressing question this week is: If a T-Rex played Taylor Swift at chess who would win? An octopus has offered to referee, but only if it is paid in food stamps. āAn expertā has suggested that the TāRex may have been a little dimā¦so Giles wonders what or who constitutes dim in the 21st century...?
Could the demise of Humza Yousaf be down to the Scottish Nationalists losing the culture warsā¦when asked for their opinion the great Scottish public replied āGet te f**k!ā It turns out that it is not only opinionated columnists who need the culture wars, the Tory party do too, and possibly the Daily Mail.
Bland, over processed and will do you no good ā Taylor Swift or supermarket bread? The bread of course, but some, may have reached Taylor Swift saturation point.
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Could the culture wars finally be drawing to a close? If they are what will Giles talk about in future; certainly not ancient antiquities, his knowledge is lacking in that sphere. How to spice up oneās autobiography, some celeb gossip here, a royal orgy thereā¦letās ask Rebel Wilson she is bound to have a few more ideas.
Age is but a number, which may just be seventeen thousand. Thatās what John Cleese is paying for stem cell therapy. But why worry, what of the crows of the air, they do not sow or reapā¦perhaps because they are to preoccupied with the āTokyo crow controllerāā¦
Lastly, what makes a good friendshipā¦Giles doesnāt care heās too busy picking up crisp packets.
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Warning flag: this episode contains sensitive content.
Fresh from the Easter recess Giles and Esther have a cunning plan to lure in new listeners, theyāre flying the flag for air fryers. Keen to be welcoming of all cooking methods they undertake some thorough research which includes never using, trying or knowing anything about air fryers, before coming to a categoric conclusion on the latest kitchen gadgetā¦
They take a look at the most expensive streets to live in the UK - none of which have flags in the front garden - and compare them to their own ends.
Saving the best till last Giles and Esther try to identify the twenty-one sexuality and gender flags on display at a hospital reception in the midlands. Giles canāt find his flag, and he is worried about members of the Royal Navy. Finally, he stumbles upon an idea which he sends up his flagpole to see if it gets a saluteā¦
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Britain was made great by arseholes; MPās thinking about porn and national stereotypes.
Itās a very slow news week. Lacking stimulation Giles and Esther turn to pornography and the MPās who are worrying about its effect on sex education. Inspired, Giles decides he can write a piece in praise of āthe arseholeā ā they have a game of āgood arsehole, bad arseholeā and speculate on the nature of Sacha Baron Cohenās arsehole-ness.
Fully expecting to face justice for their crimes against good taste Giles and Esther consider the potential end to the trial by jury system. In its placeā¦trail by ordeal. Their punishment; to spend eternity gazing at an awful sculpture of a moustachioed plumber.
Finally, an Italian, an Aussie and a Swede walk into a sauna...
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The new Bond, MPās presenting TV programmes, Giles is a Gorilla and Ewan McGregorāsā¦acting skills.
Giles is very excited by the latest actor being linked with the role of James Bond, he feels sure he has some useful tips for the scrip writers ā a Volvo car, a fussy mother, and some anti-allergy pillows.
Elsewhere, what would the BBC advertise if they couldā¦ waterproof pants or Stormzyās latest album? Giles is preoccupied with the effect gravity is having on Ewan McGregorās acting career. And Esther and Giles believe in the benefits of fasting, they have a gut feeling itās a good thing. Sadly, recent research may disagree, they turn to Love Island contestant Auto Phagya for help.
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Giles has gone down the RAC rabbit hole, and to his delight it is providing him with an endless stream of evidence proving that he is, surprise surpriseā¦ an excellent driver. Not content with that he decides to quiz Esther on some of the most common driving myths, thus proving that she is not an excellent driver. You be the judge as to the veracity of his conclusions.
In a column that writes itself the ONSās inflation basket gets a makeover for centrist dads, boomers, and millennials. Finally, Esther nails her colours to the mast ā what is the point of university..?
** Mansfield College does in fact have college status, granted in 1995.
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Peter Mandelson thinks Keir Starmer "needs to shed a few pounds". And Giles, always the friendly neighbour, thinks he can help his local MP look his dashing best on camera. What should he wear, where should he stand, and who should he stand next to? You're welcome Sir Keir - a future invite to Chequers is surely inevitable...
Plus, it's International Women's Day. So what better way to celebrate than writing about what International Men's Day would look like? And while in the safe confines of podcast land, Giles asks Esther about whether she's scared of the menopause.
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Following last weekās comments about the Israel Gaza conflict, Giles had a visit to a local synagogue to navigate. It turned out the Rabbi may have been more famous than he is, but Giles did his aunt proud ā shepping nachas!
Looking for a diversion, Giles and Esther watched a documentary on āBenniferā - Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopezā¦it was quite a disappointment. Their version of a great love story has more in common with the Twits, things get out of hand when they list their pet peeves.
Staying with America, Peppa Pig is spreading the English accent across the Atlantic. Neither are fans of the pink oinker, or of world book day as it turns out. Finally, some wet nappies tie the whole thing together, sort of.
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Itās a challenging and thoughtful episode this week. Giles has changed his opinion on the Israel Gaza conflict. He reflects on the time since he last spoke and wrote about it back in October; his final comments then proved depressingly accurate. Esther is caught off guard when discussing the fate of Russian dissident Alexei Navalny. Thereafter, all other subjects seem to be ātap dancingā around the edges, but nevertheless menās jewellery leads to an amusing insight into Esther and Giles respective sex lives at universityā¦
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VAT on school fees offers Giles and Esther the chance to consider the effects of a deluge of public-school children into the state system. Should it come to pass there will be a familiar cast of winners and losers. A pressing question; how should one dress when out in Mayfair? As shabbily as possible it seems, with good reason, oh and donāt wear a watch.
After the break the Kings cancer diagnoses stirs some emotional memories, but nothing to be exploited. In lighter news it turns out that Orcas are not lost at sea and the French are having less sex, whilst the English are making eyes at their pets...
**For those, like me, unsure of the meaning of a āmufti dayā it is a non-uniform day at school
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Gwyneth Paltrow isā¦furious. Thankfully Gwyn has a unique way to unleash her anger. As a man used to losing his temper Giles feels he can give her some tips.
Esther and Giles have been mixing in rarefied circles, but they donāt like to talk about itā¦much. In an exclusive just for the podcast they give a little glimpse into the life of grace and favour.
Lean, fearful children, vain rats and a sexy Jesus pave the way for Rishi Sunak and advice on fasting. Sadly, they never did make it to Marcus Rashford or soft drink sommeliersā¦maybe next time.
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What constitutes being fit for your ageā¦a lap of the track, twenty push ups, or lugging a TV to the tip and changing the bed sheets? Giles and Esther put themselves to the test. Is āfat neckā a sign of being unfit, or an ailment or not a thing at all. Whatever it is, Giles definitely doesnāt have it! And while weāre on illness, he doesnāt have man flu either. In fact, āman fluā is just a tired tropeā¦but he might have prostate trouble, but he canāt be sure because his doctor doesnāt wish to do the necessary.
Finally, a fly past of beards, queue jumping and potty mouthed parrots, all of which just about adds up to a podcast.
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Welcome back and a Happy New Year. Giles welcomes 2024 by pondering the impending apocalypse. Thankfully that doesnāt last long before thoughts turn to working or wanking, or both. Is work by its very definition not to be enjoyed? To quote Esther; āitās boring and it never stops.ā It is unlikely that public sex acts would improve matters much, but it is hard not to consider once the seed has been sown. Speaking of filth, Giles hasnāt washed in six days, but with good reason. Esher on the other had has washed, but in an unconventional manner. Perhaps it is because, like Kate Moss, they just donāt give a figā¦
Here's to series twelve, thanks for listening.
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