Afleveringen
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in this episode, I’m sharing 12 lessons I learned at 31 that helped me get to a happier place — from rethinking success and letting my friends show up for me, to embracing fear and finding joy in the little moments. Whether you’re in your 20s, 30s, or just navigating life, I hope these lessons help you find happiness, too. 💛
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It's the Hello Hayes Guide to Giving Good Advice! If you’ve ever struggled with knowing what to say when a friend asks for guidance (or felt frustrated when someone gave you bad advice), this episode is for you. As an advice columnist (Hello Hayes), I’ve spent years answering your letters and helping people navigate life’s toughest situations. In this episode, I’m breaking down how to actually help YOUR people — without being overbearing, judgmental, or just plain unhelpful.
We’ll talk about:
✔️ Why advice isn’t a prescription—it’s a map
✔️ How to support people without controlling them
✔️ The difference between helping and fixing
✔️ Why people don’t always want your advice (and what to do instead)
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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[Originally published on YouTube.] Introducing, the Hello Hayes Six Besties Theory. This friendship theory has changed my life and I’m so excited to share it with you. In this explainer video, we’re diving deep into the six essential bestie archetypes: The North Star, The Seasonal, The Good Time, The OG, The Dead Body, and The Work Bestie. But this isn’t just a list! By the end of the video, you'll learn the real life scenarios that inspired this theory, how my friendships have evolved over time, why some besties stick around while others fade away, and a problem I ran into when I shared this theory for the first time.
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We all have feelings we wish we didn’t. Jealousy, resentment, comparison...the kind of emotions that make us feel a little gross, even though they’re totally human. In this advice column episode, I’m answering three Hello Hayes advice letters about:
💔 A former friend struggling to let go of resentment toward their ex-best friend’s success
🤰 A woman grieving a miscarriage while navigating her cousin’s pregnancy (TW: See timestamps below to skip this section!)
💍 And a bride-to-be who suddenly isn’t sure if size matters when it comes to engagement rings
Instead of pretending we’re above it all, let’s actually unpack these feelings and figure out how to deal with them.
TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 - Our ugly feelings
1:13 - Letter 1: My ex-best friend is thriving, and I hate it
12:40 - Letter 2: My cousin’s pregnancy announcement hit me hard
25:23 - Letter 3: My fiancé’s twin bought a bigger ring... and now I feel weird
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Can my significant other or sibling be my best friend? Do North Star besties have to be reciprocal? Is there any type of friend who I can expect to text every day? In this episode, I’m answering your most frequently asked questions about my Six Besties Theory! If you're not familiar with the theory, you can watch my Six Besties, Explained video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CY5v2LreUrU&t=1s
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this week we're talking about sibling relationships, age gaps, and growing up with divorce. I recently posted about the 8.5 year age gap between me and my younger brother, and how, as a kid, I often felt like a third parent to both of my siblings (can't forget my sister, the sweet middle child!). i wrote that this dynamic has definitely impacted our sibling relationship today, as well as my own feelings about becoming a mom. i was BLOWN AWAY by how many of you responded with similar feelings, or just generally asked me to talk more about this topic. so in this episode of Hello Hayes, we're diving into all those feelings. thanks for being here and let me know what your relationship with your siblings is like!
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my loves, welcome back! after taking a much-needed podcasting break, I’m back with a reimagined vision for the Hello Hayes pod. in this episode, I share why I almost walked away for good and the lessons I learned about failure, growth, and change. plus, I answer an advice submission about finding direction in life when you feel like you’re starting from square one. whether you’re navigating your own reset or just need a little inspiration, this episode is for you.
You can find me on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/afhayes
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See you next year, Hayeselnuts!
Hello Hayes survey: https://forms.gle/Jtv2BKr2Wafy75gh6
In the meantime, connect with me on Substack, YouTube, and Instagram.
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In this episode of Hello Hayes, we're talking about long distance friendship: how to make friends when you move somewhere new, but also, how to maintain the friendships that are now separated by miles and miles and miles. Hayes invites one of her North Star besties Matt onto the show to discuss.
References:
Dear Noah: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfAzhnguXBc
00:00 Cold open
00:42 Topic intro: Long-distance Friendships
2:23 Meet Matt
4:43 Our first impressions of each other
10:03 Be each other’s biggest fans
12:14 Making friends in a new city
16:43 Scoping people out on Instagram
18:25 The risk of rejection
21:50 How to go from self-pity to action
23:30 20s vs 30s & NYC vs Chicago
24:53 “Do I want to quit?”
26:26 Nostalgia vs regret
28:17 It’s OK to be sad
31:53 Hayes and NYC
33:07 Getting honest about our LDF
35:40 “Is it my fault?”
36:25 Having trust in your friendships
38:00 Inside Out 2
40:10 What happened on Hayes’s birthday
43:00 The challenges of long distance friendship
47:00 It’s hard to say THIS
48:11 Feeling pressure to check-in
50:00 Team Voicemails
54:00 A secret
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[Watch on YouTube.] This week on Hello Hayes, we're talking about flaky friends. Hayes answers three advice submissions about a distant childhood friend, feeling disconnected from your single besties, and how to deal with someone who always cancels.
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(Watch on YouTube.) This week on Hello Hayes, I'm answering an advice letter....from myself. After experiencing what I call a "grief explosion" last week, I needed to give myself some advice. Thanks for being here while I talk it out with you. Crying is OK. Grieving is OK. Trying new things is OK. Planning to protect yourself...is OK!!! Please let me know what you thought of this episode. If it goes well for all of us, I might incorporate more of these "solo" episodes in the future.
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Content warning: Letter 2 includes a brief reference to SA, no details. It’s not the focus of the letter, but I do bring up the context of being a survivor. If this makes you uncomfortable, see the timestamps below to skip.
This week on Hello Hayes, Hayes answers three advice submissions about how to balance two people's physical needs in a romantic relationship, advocating for our needs and fantasies in bed, and whether it's okay to talk to your friends about your sex life. (PS: If you have any personal experiences to share about asexuality, polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and/or open relationships, please tell us in the comments! This is a very nuanced conversation and I realize I'm just scratching a surface in the first letter. Would love to hear from all of you and keep the convo going.)
00:00 Introduction
00:36 Talking about sex
02:44 “What will make us satisfied?”
07:51 What is asexuality?
10:17 Compromise is necessary
13:49 Define intimacy as a couple
18:39 Ethical non-monogamy
26:45 “I want more adventurous $ex"
29:06 Speaking up for what you want
31:16 Unpacking expectations
33:57 Taking the lead & communicating
38:13 Contextualizing being a survivor
40:52 When to bring it up
43:21 “Can I talk to a friend about my relationship?”
44:31 Sharing experiences individually
49:18 Trust in a confidant
51:14 Proceed with caution
The Trevor Project is a great source of information and support for the LGBTQ+ community. Website here: https://www.thetrevorproject.org
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[Watch on YouTube.]
In this episode, Hayes answers three letters from women who feel like they (and their feelings, boundaries, and bodies) are too much. We explore the question: is it selfish...or is it self-worth? Letter one features a man who insists on being besties with his exes. Letter two, from someone whose boyfriend told her he's losing attraction towards her because of her weight gain. (If you're uncomfortable with the topic of weight, feel free to skip to letter 2. Timestamp in the description!) And letter three is from a soon-to-be 21-year old whose boyfriend...doesn't "get" birthdays. Enjoy!
00:00 Introduction
00:25 The question of being “too much”
02:55 Overview of the 3 letters
03:56 Empathy and expectations for letter writers
06:54 Letter 1: “Not so chill girlfriend”
09:06 Having a reaction making you “not chill”
11:12 Unpacking the boyfriend details
17:32 Insecurities vs something to be insecure about
28:56 Letter 2: “Body size and attraction”
29:54 Angry about perceptions of weight
31:36 You are desirable
35:57 Coming back with better tools
37:50 Referencing “Fatphobia Is Not A Sexual Preference by Sonalee Rashatwar”
39:44 Reality of body changes
42:33 Sample script
44:55 Letter 3: “Birthday ‘brat’”
46:51 Being celebrated & celebrating others
49:26 Expectations and flexibility
52:14 Storytime when my birthday was ruined by a man
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In this episode, Hayes is joined by recipe developer, food creator, and soon to be debut cookbook author Justine Doiron, aka Justine Snacks. For the first time on the show, Justine brings her own Hello Hayes letter to discuss with Hayes, focused on some of the pressures she feels around the success and promotion for her cookbook Justine Cooks. We also talk about dealing with imposter syndrome in our careers, what happens when self-worth is too tied up in accomplishment, and whether "authenticity" on the internet is desired or even real anymore. At the end, Justine gives Hayes some tough-love advice she really needed to hear. Enjoy!
Pre-order Justine's cookbook Justine Cooks here (Out 10/27).
Follow Justine on Instagram here.
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Hello! In today's episode, which is an audio exclusive, I'm reading three columns from the Hello Hayes archive...a read aloud, if you will!
These pieces can all be read in their original form on my Substack, hellohayes.substack.com. This is where my writing lives and where you can support Hello Hayes financially, if you're able. Paid subscribers get a priority pass on submissions!
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In today’s episode we’re talking about something that has one of the biggest impacts on our mental well-being, whether we’re happy or distressed….and that’s our living situations. Thinking back on my own life, some of the most tumultuous times for me were exacerbated by the fact that I was living in places I didn’t feel comfortable in. Whether it was living in my sorority, or trying to figure out how to live alone for the first time, wanting to move in with Brian. Stressful.
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In honor of our anniversary, Brob joins the pod to talk about 10 lessons we've learned over 10 years together. He's a little camera shy but I think he did great :)
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(Watch this episode on YouTube.)
Today’s episode is all about the thrilling yet sometimes messy and confusing world of crushes. We’ve got three letters:
"I have a pattern of falling for people who are unavailable. Should I tell my new friend that I have a crush on her, even though she's in a longterm relationship?"
"I told my coworker I had feelings for him. I think he has feelings for me too but...he has a girlfriend."
"I'm engaged to my boyfriend of 7 years, but I have a relentless crush on someone new. Should I still get married?"
Send your letters to [email protected].
0:00 What to expect in this video
00:47 This week’s letters
1:22 Letter 1: “Can I be friends with my crush?”
2:50 Response to Letter 1 begins
4:43 How we use B&W thinking to protect ourselves
9:00 Failure is not regression
12:21 Script: “We can’t be friends”
13:02 Letter 2: “I’m in love with my co-worker”
14:45 Response to Letter 2 begins
15:55 What’s spiking my Hayesy senses
18:30 Stop hoping he’s going to change
20:59 Finding the love you deserve
21:31 Letter 3: “I’m not sure I want to marry my fiance”
22:43 Response begins
24:45 Pros of couple therapy
25:41 Hayes’s thoughts on “forever”
27:25 “Relationships are hard”
28:00 What your crush means
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What do you do when you're invited to an event with a plus one...but you have no one to bring? Is it better to go alone or to bring a friend? On this week’s episode of the Hello Hayes podcast we’re chatting going to events solo, finding confidence in yourself, and doing the hard thing because you can. I also share the story of how I embarrassed myself in front of my work hero a couple of weeks ago...and how I'm reframing it so I don't obsess about this any further!
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Watch on YouTube. (9am EST)
0:00 - Introduction
1:04 - Overview of the 3 letters
1:46 - Letter 1: Estranged from family
3:50 - Response to letter 1 begins
5:02 - Why certain phrases trigger us
7:12 - What I’ve noticed making an internet advice column
9:37 - Ideas for the future
12:03 - Why it doesn’t feel sustainable to bite your tongue
16:05 - Being honest about your reaction
17:33 - Letter 2: Don’t like best friend’s boyfriend
19:02 - Response to letter 2 begins
20:30 - The lost dream of being “couple friends”
22:56 - When your friend gets cheated on
24:31 - Reflection questions when you don’t like your friend’s bf/gf
28:24 - Do this for your friend
29:28 - Letter 3: Your BFF is always in and out of relationships
30:30 - Response to letter 3 begins
31:00 - Having self-awareness
31:51 - Inserting ourselves into other people’s problems
32:30 - Breaking our own patterns
33:43 - Having a tough conversation
35:26 - Getting clear on YOUR terms
39:00 - Exclusive question for Hayeselnuts
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