Afleveringen
-
In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, registered psychotherapist Jan explains why anxious attachment gets triggered, what feeling memories are, and how your nervous system can mistake uncertainty for danger. You'll also learn practical ways to regulate your emotions, communicate from your Secure Self, and build healthier, more secure relationships.Whether you experience anxious attachment yourself or you're dating someone who does, this episode offers compassionate, research-informed guidance rooted in attachment theory, nervous system regulation, and emotionally focused therapy (EFT).Visit: Janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
If you've ever wondered which attachment style is the hardest to date, which attachment style takes the longest to move on, or whether certain attachment styles are doomed in relationships, this episode is for you.In this honest and compassionate conversation, Jan explores some of the most common questions people ask about attachment theory—and challenges the idea that attachment labels determine your relationship destiny. While anxious, avoidant, fearful-avoidant, and secure attachment styles can help us understand our patterns, they are not life sentences.You'll learn why the hardest relationships are often not about attachment styles at all, but about self-awareness, accountability, emotional regulation, and a willingness to grow. Jan also discusses how trauma, stress, burnout, grief, and life circumstances can influence the way attachment patterns show up in relationships.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
-
Secure love isn't about finding a perfect person. It's about learning to recognize emotional safety, consistency, accountability, and mutual care—and choosing relationships that don't require you to abandon yourself to be loved.If healthy love wasn't modeled for you growing up, secure relationships may feel unfamiliar. But unfamiliar doesn't mean unsafe, and intensity doesn't automatically mean connection.You don't have to earn love by chasing, proving, fixing, or performing. The healthiest relationships allow you to be fully yourself while growing together.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
If you grew up with a father, grandfather, teacher, or male caregiver who was inconsistent, emotionally distant, critical, unavailable, or unpredictable, you may find yourself carrying beliefs such as: "Men will disappoint me," "I have to earn love," or "I can't trust anyone to stay." These beliefs often operate beneath the surface, influencing who we choose, how we communicate, and how we respond to conflict, intimacy, and vulnerability.Drawing from attachment theory, emotionally focused therapy (EFT), and the Secure Self framework, Jan explores how father wounds can show up as anxious, avoidant, or fearful attachment patterns—and why healing requires learning to separate the past from the present.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
When emotions run high, our brains naturally focus on the surface details of conflict. We become fixated on criticism, defensiveness, silence, facial expressions, or past mistakes. But beneath most relationship arguments lies a deeper need: a desire for connection, reassurance, support, safety, understanding, or emotional closeness.Drawing from attachment theory, emotionally focused therapy (EFT), and years of clinical experience, Jan explains how to identify the real target underneath conflict and why doing so can lead to faster repair, deeper understanding, and healthier communication. You'll learn how to recognize when you're getting pulled into the noise, regulate your nervous system, connect with your secure self, communicate your needs clearly, and repair conflict in a way that strengthens your relationships.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores religious trauma through the lens of attachment theory, nervous system safety, shame, belonging, and the secure self. This conversation is not about attacking religion or telling you what to believe. Instead, it’s about understanding what happens internally when faith, family, fear, obedience, and love become deeply intertwined.Jan unpacks how attachment wounds can shape our relationship with religion, authority, boundaries, and even our sense of self. If questioning your beliefs feels terrifying, if setting boundaries with family brings overwhelming guilt, or if you’ve struggled with the fear of losing love and belonging by becoming your authentic self, this episode offers compassion, insight, and practical reflection.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
In Episode 31 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores the painful reality of breakups, heartbreak, grief, and anxious attachment—especially when love still exists, but the relationship no longer feels emotionally safe.If you’re struggling with a breakup, replaying memories, feeling abandoned, stuck in a shame spiral, or wondering “Was this my fault?”, this episode offers compassionate guidance for navigating the grief of losing someone you deeply cared about.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
In Episode 30 of In The Messy Podcast explores the painful connection between anxious attachment, people-pleasing, and emotionally unavailable mothers—especially around Mother’s Day.If you’ve ever felt guilty, resentful, unseen, or like you had to earn love through over-giving and caregiving, this episode will help you understand where those patterns began and how to start healing them.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
In Episode 29 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan walks you through Day 7 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to express your needs clearly, calmly, and without losing yourself.If you struggle with overexplaining, people-pleasing, or fear of rejection in relationships, this episode gives you practical tools to communicate with confidence and emotional safety.Inspired by attachment theory and Sue Johnson, you’ll learn simple frameworks like CLEAR (what to say), KIND (how to say it), and TRUE (self-respect) to build secure communication.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
In Episode 28 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan (registered psychotherapist) guides you through Day 6 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to stop overthinking and build emotional stability in real-life moments.Learn why anxious attachment is a nervous system response—not a knowledge problem—and how to shift from constant reactivity (“downstream”) to supportive daily habits (“upstream”).Inspired by Sue Johnson, this episode introduces a practical framework to help you regulate emotions, reduce anxiety, and feel more secure in relationships.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
In Episode 27 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan guides you through Day 5 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to build and practice a secure sense of self.Learn how to move beyond awareness into action by defining your secure self, strengthening self-trust, and responding to relationship stress with more stability and confidence—using insights inspired by Sue Johnson.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
Do you secretly feel like you’re too much… or not enough in relationships?In Episode 26 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan breaks down how anxious attachment is rooted in the core beliefs you learned growing up—and how those beliefs might still be running your relationships today.Inspired by Sue Johnson, this episode helps you uncover the hidden narratives behind thoughts.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
In Episode 25 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan (registered psychotherapist) walks you through Day 3 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment.Learn how to understand the emotional needs behind anxious attachment, regulate your nervous system, and communicate more securely in relationships. Featuring insights inspired by Sue Johnson and practical reflection exercises.Perfect for anyone struggling with relationship anxiety, overthinking, or fear of abandonment.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
In this episode, Jan walks you through Day 2 of the Secure Self Workbook, focusing on a powerful shift: regulation before communication. If you struggle with anxious attachment, your reactions aren’t just emotional—they’re physiological.Learn how your nervous system responds to perceived rejection, understand your window of tolerance, and recognize signs of hyperarousal and shutdown. Jan guides you through simple grounding exercises and reflection prompts to help you pause, regulate, and respond from a more secure place.This episode is a practical step toward building emotional stability, breaking reactive patterns, and creating healthier, more secure relationships.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
Do you overthink conversations, avoid conflict, or constantly wonder if you’re “too much”?In Episode 23 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan walks you through Day 1 of the Secure Self Workbook — helping you understand anxious attachment with clarity and compassion.Anxious attachment isn’t a flaw. It’s a survival strategy your nervous system learned when connection felt inconsistent or uncertain growing up.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
Do you constantly wonder if you’re doing enough in your relationship? Do you feel responsible for managing your partner’s emotions so the relationship stays safe?In Episode 22 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores how anxious attachment in women is often rooted in parentification — growing up believing love had to be earned by managing other people’s feelings.When your nervous system learns early that safety comes from performing, fixing, and anticipating emotional reactions, that pattern can follow you into adult relationships. You may find yourself over-functioning, monitoring your partner’s moods, and asking: “How can I be a better partner?”Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
Being ghosted doesn’t just hurt — it can feel devastating, especially for those with anxious attachment.In Episode 21 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explains why ghosting can trigger intense emotional reactions and how your nervous system interprets sudden silence as abandonment. When someone disappears without explanation, it can activate old attachment wounds and send your mind into self-blame and rumination.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
Are you the one who always reaches out first? The one who keeps the friendship alive, fixes the mood, and carries the emotional weight of the relationship?In Episode 20 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan speaks directly to the anxiously attached heart that loves deeply — and feels exhausted from being the emotional engine of the relationship. When someone you care about is passive, discouraged, or stuck, your nervous system may interpret their distance as danger. So you over-function. You try harder. You carry more. But over time, that effort turns into burnout and resentment.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why anxious attachment confuses effort with loveHow over-functioning becomes a survival strategyThe hidden cost of being the constant initiatorThe difference between needing reciprocity and needing someone to changeWhat secure attachment looks like in one-sided dynamicsHow to stop over-functioning without becoming cold or cutting someone offIf you’ve ever wondered, “Am I loving this person — or managing my fear of losing them?” this conversation will help you slow down, tolerate space, and move toward secure connection built on mutuality, not exhaustion.Secure love doesn’t chase or rescue. It shows up — and allows others to show up too.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
What happens when you finally trust someone… and they hurt you?In Episode 19, Jan explores how anxious attachment amplifies relationship pain and why betrayal can feel overwhelming. Learn how to tell the difference between present hurt and past attachment wounds, regulate your nervous system before reacting, and rebuild self-trust after disappointment.Healing isn’t about shutting down — it’s about staying connected to yourself, even when trust feels shaken.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
-
Anxiety can show up loudly in relationships even when nothing is technically wrong. In Episode 18 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores how to tell when anxiety is signaling a real misalignment versus when it’s reacting to old attachment wounds. Learn how trauma memories shape relationship fears, how to separate present-moment facts from past experiences, and how to regulate your nervous system before making decisions. This episode offers practical reflection questions to help you build self-trust, stop confusing anxiety with intuition, and develop a more secure relationship with yourself and others.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
- Laat meer zien
