Afleveringen
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In this final class of the year on the sefer Know Your Children, Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David explore what it truly means to make Hashem the center of your home.
It doesn't mean walking around holding Tehillim all day. It means integrating a deep, spiritual purpose into the daily grind of parenting, from giving baths to feeding your kids dinner.
Rav Shlomo discusses the critical balance between teaching the actions of Halacha and cultivating the emotional regesh (vitality) behind those actions, warning against the dangers of raising "doers" without teaching them how to be "feelers"
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What are we really hoping for when we say we want our children to be religious?
In this week's episode, Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David explore one of the deepest questions in Jewish parenting. Is the goal simply that our children keep Torah and mitzvot, or is there something even more fundamental that must come first?
Drawing from the teachings of Rav Itamar Schwartz, Chassidut, Parshat Beha'alotecha, and powerful personal stories, Rav Shlomo explains why Jewish parenting must be built around the soul, why children need to experience a living relationship with Hashem in the home, and why even the most meticulous religious upbringing can miss the point if it lacks genuine connection.
Along the way, he discusses humor in parenting, trauma and resilience, the role of schools versus parents, hitbodedut, community pressure, and what it means to create a home where Hashem is not merely discussed—but truly felt.
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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t
CHAPTERS
00:00 Opening and Sponsorship Announcements
02:18 Humor Required in Soul-Focused Parenting
07:13 Addressing Trauma: Need for Laughter
08:17 Behaalotecha Lesson: Feeling the Torah
11:57 Parents Must Experience Hashem First
14:43 NBA Analogy: Perseverance and Humility
16:27 Story of Rabbi Meir Abuchatzeira
19:04 Chabad-Knicks Moshiach Humor
23:01 Hashem Is Everywhere, Not Just at Shul
24:14 Teaching Kids Hashem with Joy and Simcha
25:40 Parents Must Model Hashem-Centered Homes
28:14 Self-Esteem vs. Infinite Divine Potential
29:19 When Chinuch Misses Its True Purpose
30:20 Parents Focused Solely on Torah/Mitzvos
32:25 Considering Hitbodedut in Summer Break
35:06 Relationship with God vs. Staying Frum Debate
36:33 Baal Teshuvah Family: Kids Stray Yet Seek God
39:03 Parents’ Authentic Relationship Transfers to Children
44:10 Making Hashem Central in the Home All Day
46:18 Covenant and Kirvas Hashem as Core
47:39 Closeness to God Brings Pain
49:22 Teaching Desire, Not Obligation, for Mitzvot
52:32 Motivation Behind Wanting Kids to Wear Tzitzit
54:27 Modeling Love for Mitzvot at Home
55:49 Community Pressure vs Personal Desire in Parenting
57:00 War Trauma and Spiritual Connection
58:48 Final Thoughts on Passing the Legacy -
Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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What changes when we stop seeing parenting as behavior management… and start seeing it as caring for a נשמה?
In this deeply moving episode of Know Your Children, Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David explore the uniquely Jewish foundation of parenting — not merely raising functional children, but honoring the divine soul hidden within them. Through stories from Reb Shlomo Carlebach, reflections on “בצלם אלוקים,” and practical shifts in consciousness, this conversation reframes what kavod for children באמת means.
Why do Jewish parents give honor to children? Is it psychological? Emotional? Or something much deeper?
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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com
Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_tCHAPTERS
00:00 Opening Blessings and Sponsor Acknowledgments
01:25 Choosing Our Focus for the Final Weeks
05:07 Reb Shlomo’s Lesson on Respect for Jewish Children
08:42 VeAhavta LeReiacha Kamocha and Family Hierarchy
11:35 Seeing Our Children as Divine Souls
13:37 A Personal Moment Recognizing Children as Souls
22:27 Starting Point: Placing the Soul at the Center
24:08 Correct Prayer Phrase for the Soul
28:09 Nekudat Motza: Parenting Beyond Dependence
31:07 Love Exercise: Visualizing Affection for Others
34:09 Koach Ha'emuna: Faith Strength Over Intellect
36:50 Jewish vs Psychological Reasons for Honoring Children
48:37 Shtikel Elokus: Tiny Pieces of Hashem as Our Source
50:36 When Kids Feel Unlovable: Using Neshama as a Remedy
51:58 Reb Leo’s Lesson: Learning Emunah Every Day
53:00 Building an Emunah Muscle: Never Wait for the Neshamas -
Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David explore the Gemara’s teaching that “Anochi” means: “Ana Nafshi Kesavis Yehavis” — “I gave over My soul.” From there, he opens a deeply practical conversation about what our children are actually receiving from us every day.
Are we only giving them food, clothing, routines, and structure… or are we giving them our hearts within those things too?
Through stories, Torah, and honest reflection, this episode reframes the entire relationship between physical caregiving and emotional connection, and asks what it means to build a home where love is truly felt — not just assumed.
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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com
Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_tCHAPTERS
00:00 Opening Greetings and Sponsorship Acknowledgments
01:18 Unrealistic Expectations for Children’s Emotional Growth
02:48 Integrating Feelings into Our Industrial Lifestyle
04:13 Lawsuit Over Being Brought Into the World
06:42 Giving Our Soul Through Everyday Acts
09:12 Why Are Children Born Completely Helpless?
16:17 Embedding Love Into Daily Actions
21:24 Limits of What We Can Actually Give
22:59 A Potato with a Heart Metaphor
24:01 Putting Heart Into Everyday Gifts
25:05 The Verse About Guiding a Child
27:15 Merging Love with Physical Provision
28:39 Love in the Simple School Sandwich
30:40 Why God’s Soul in the Torah Matters
32:34 Giving Gifts with a Good Eye
34:24 Integrating Soul When Providing Basics
36:42 Balancing Effort and Emotional Connection
46:08 Adam’s Need for Life Mirrors God’s Gift to Us
47:58 Closing Blessing and Encouragement for the Week -
What happens when a child goes to shul… but never develops a taste for tefillah?
In this deeply honest episode of Know Your Children, Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David explore the tension every parent feels between obligation and connection. Is “good chinuch” just getting children to sit quietly in shul — or helping them discover something that genuinely touches their soul?
Through the lens of chush ha’ta’am — a child’s inner sense of taste and emotional connection — this shiur opens up difficult but essential questions about parenting, authenticity, fear, and what children actually experience when they walk into a beit knesset.
Along the way, Rav Shlomo speaks about compliments, expectations, honesty in religious life, the emotional memory of shul, and why the question “How was davening?” may not be enough.
----------
For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com
Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_tCHAPTERS
00:00 Sponsorship and Dedication for the Shiur
01:01 Humility Needed in Parenting Approaches
02:46 Introducing Chush HaTa’am Concept in Parenting
04:26 Taking Children to Shul: The Routine
05:35 Assessing the Child’s Reaction After Shul
08:30 When Kids Can Read Yet Miss the Meaning
10:48 Probing the Real Source of Shul Enjoyment
21:18 Role of Compliments in Encouraging Shul Attendance
23:24 Why Kids Need a Taste for Prayer
24:50 Balancing Obligations and Personal Experience
26:20 Adults Also Struggle with Shul Attendance
30:25 Modeling Joy in Shul for Kids
35:04 Unrealistic Expectations for Young Children
40:26 Honesty About Personal Shul Struggles
43:51 Fear vs. Authentic Parenting in Religion
45:10 When Answers Aren’t Satisfying
46:23 Isidor Rabi’s Deep Question to Children
47:35 Creating Spaces for Children’s Insight
49:37 Authenticity and Consistency Across Life
51:08 Modern Orthodoxy Identity Split
52:30 Family Tradition of Sitting Together
54:00 Changing Seats After Mourning
55:16 Rashi’s Query on Recounting Names -
Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David continue exploring one of the most misunderstood יסודות in parenting: the difference between acknowledgment and enabling.
Building on the concept of chush ha’ta’am—a child’s inner sense of preference and desire—Rav Shlomo explains why a child’s feelings must be recognized as real, even when their actions can’t be accepted. Just as we would never deny a child’s physical reality, we can’t dismiss their emotional world without causing deeper harm.
Through practical examples—from food preferences to more complex emotional and החיים situations—this shiur lays out a clear framework: first acknowledge, then guide. Skipping that first step doesn’t create discipline—it creates distance.
The challenge is learning how to validate what a child feels without reinforcing what may not be healthy or appropriate. And that delicate balance is where real chinuch begins.
----------
For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com
Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_tCHAPTERS
00:00 Sponsorship Announcements
01:11 Recap: Food Discipline & Chush HaTa’am
03:51 Understanding the Sense of Taste
07:48 Coke Zero & Real vs. Perceived Desire
14:36 Personal Story: Discovering Taste as a Child
17:25 Physical Limits: Nails, Hair, and Reality
19:33 Encouraging Kids to Explore Preferences
21:44 Toy Guns & Boundaries in Chinuch
24:01 Desire Is Real: First Step in Parenting
29:00 Acknowledging Kids’ Preferences Beyond Food
33:53 Elevating Above Physical Desire
35:17 Responding to Extreme Emotional States
36:39 Intermarriage & Real Feelings vs. Values
41:40 Know Emotions Before Trying to Remove Them
43:58 Balancing Food Talk in the Home -
There’s a question every home faces almost every day. “What’s for dinner?”
It sounds simple. Maybe even trivial. But in this shiur, Rav SHlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David uncover how that question is actually a gateway into one of the deepest יסודות of parenting.
What happens when a child says, “I don’t like this”?
Do we push? Do we ignore? Do we accommodate?Rav Shlomo opens up a completely different דרך — one that doesn’t get stuck on the food at all, but sees it as an expression of something much deeper: a child’s עולם הרגשות.
We explore:
Why suppressing a child’s preferences may “work”… but at a cost The difference between acknowledging and indulging How food becomes a language for emotional expression Why children must first feel seen before they can be guided And how to hold the tension between גבולות and רגישות----------
For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com
Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_tChapters
00:00 Opening Greeting and Shabbat Blessing
01:14 Sponsor Acknowledgments and Memorial Tributes
02:52 Importance of Children’s Emotional World
03:58 Core Parenting Question: What’s for Dinner?
05:09 Two Dinner Strategies: Individual vs Uniform
06:57 Analyzing the Textual Example on Food
09:51 The Snake’s Curse and Taste Concept
10:53 God-given Sense of Taste Explained
19:28 Acknowledging Children’s Food Preferences
21:39 Extending Taste Principle Beyond Food
24:00 Masking Deeper Issues Behind Food Preferences
25:48 Parenting Book Review and Khush Ha-Ta'am
27:30 Shul Leadership vs Parental Authority
29:07 Children's Meal Requests Reveal Emotional Needs
30:13 Managing Multiple Dinner Options for Kids
32:13 Gift of Midrash Iyov and Hidden Messages
45:42 Questioning Suppressing a Child's Taste Preferences
46:57 Importance of Recognizing Child's Feelings First
48:08 Taste of Love Over Food
49:30 Generational Differences in Emotional Acknowledgment
50:55 Daily Meal Acknowledgment Practice
52:27 Guiding Eating Habits Through Lenatev -
Parenting can feel like you’re expected to know how to do something you’ve never done before — and then do it differently for each child.
In this week’s Know Your Children, Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David go deeper into a core yesod: investing in a child’s emotional development isn’t a “nice extra” — it’s essential. We talk about the pressure parents feel, the fear of “getting it wrong,” and why failure is often the only real way we learn (“ein habayshan lamed / אין הביישן למד”).
From there, we move into practical, real-life tools: upgrading the quality of conversations as kids get older, creating daily emotional check-ins, and integrating a child’s emotional world into normal home life (not only reacting when something goes wrong).
Along the way: a powerful “good questions” chinuch story, humility in parenting, and a big reminder that self-care and emotional health in the parent is often a prerequisite to building it in the child.
----------
For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com
Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_tCHAPTERS
00:00 Opening and Sponsorship Acknowledgments
01:29 Emotional Development Is a Must
03:52 Physical Growth vs Emotional Needs
05:52 Parents’ Self-Criticism and Growth
08:51 Learning Through Failure (Ein Habayshan Lamed)
10:38 Humility in Parenting
11:44 Divine Intent in Parenting
13:10 Practical Steps for Emotional Investment
18:05 Age-Specific Emotional Strategies
22:51 Recording Device Test for Family Talk
25:35 Daily Parent-Child Check-In: “How Was Your Day?”
26:38 The “Good Questions” Lesson from Isadore Rabi
28:39 Integrating a Child’s Emotional World into Daily Life
31:14 Limits of the Chinuch Obligation After Bar/Bat Mitzvah
35:15 Hebrew Mistake Story: Accordion vs. Playing
37:36 Making Emotional Talk a Regular Part of Home Life
43:03 Parent Self-Care as Prerequisite for Child’s Emotional Health -
This week’s shiur comes with a warning: parenting is triggering because it not only exposes our children’s inner world, it exposes ours.
Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David continue the conversation about the three garments of the soul—thought, speech, and action— and apply it to a core parenting question: How do we build our child’s world of emotions in a healthy, Torah-aligned way?
We explore what it can look like when a parent is emotionally blocked (chasum), how that can echo through marriage, friendships, and even one’s relationship with Hashem—and why “being frum” is not the same thing as emotional closeness. Along the way, we touch on attachment theory (including Rabbi Yaakov Danishefsky’s Attached), the difference between “open” and “everything goes,” and why chinuch isn’t only about fixing negative emotions—but also about actively building confidence, love, and joy.
Takeaway: Emotional safety isn’t permissiveness. It’s a home where the child can grow and where feelings can be named, held, and guided… without shutting the child down or turning the home into a free-for-all.
----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com
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CHAPTERS
00:00 Sponsorship and Memorial Acknowledgments
01:23 Trigger Warning and Parenting Focus
02:37 Three Garments of the Soul
04:59 Emotional Blockage in Parents
08:29 Childhood Origins of Emotional Closure
11:09 Open vs Closed Emotional States
14:43 Illusion of Spiritual Closeness
16:49 Attachment Theory and the Book “Attached”
21:04 Scope of Emotional Education
48:20 Psychologists vs Parental Duty in Child Development
49:25 Common Questions and Experience of Seasoned Parents
51:32 Beyond Negative Emotions: Building Confidence and Joy
53:37 Love and Joy as Part of Chinuch
55:03 Conclusion and Next Session Plans -
When parenting gets loud—mischief, nerves, anger—what actually brings you back to yourself?
Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David continue the conversation about love, but take it somewhere very practical: love as the daily mindset that quiets anger and restores perspective in the moment.
We explore why “hashkacha” tricks to suppress frustration often fail, and why the most effective preparation is what happens before the moment: training yourself to think loving thoughts throughout the day. Along the way, we learn from the “default emunah” example of Reb Leo Dee, connect this to Azamra (finding the good), and reframe success in parenting: not “did my child behave,” but who did I become when I could’ve lost it—and didn’t.
We close by opening the next focus: emotional investment in children, the tension between authority and hierarchy in the home, and how to keep parenting from becoming pressure, so it can return to wonder.
----------
For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com
Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_tCHAPTERS
00:00 Sponsorship and Introduction
01:03 Continuing Last Week's Topic
02:07 Soul’s Three Garments: Thought, Speech, Action
03:15 Thinking Love: Machshava
05:07 Dealing with Child Mischief and Anger
07:09 Attempting to Suppress Anger (lehashkiach)
12:29 Extreme Faith Example from Reb Leo
17:51 Azamra: Recognizing Good in Others
22:35 Outcome Focus: Becoming a Calm Parent
23:46 Parenting: From Pressure to Wonderment
24:54 Finding the Real Outcome of Parenting
26:06 Defining the Perfect Goal for Our Children
27:15 Upcoming Focus: Emotional Investment in Children
28:47 The Best Friend vs Spouse Debate
30:41 Natural Love vs Deeper V'ahavta l'Reiache
32:46 Couples as Model for Mutual Love
36:10 Authority and Hierarchy in the Home
41:24 Practical Solution: Daily Loving Thoughts
44:15 When Parental Love Expressions Fade
45:15 Connecting Children to Their Souls
48:12 Guilt and Uncertainty Over Monitoring a Child’s Soul
49:17 Navigating Parenting in a Modern, Secular-Influence…
51:05 Self-Examination: Am I Poisoning My Child’s…
53:58 Protecting the Body vs. Protecting the Soul
55:36 Seeking Practical Solutions Amidst Parenting…
57:40 Balancing Authority with Humility in the Household -
Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David move from “Do they feel our love?” to something even more subtle, and often more powerful: do they live inside our loving thoughts?
Building on the classic Chassidic framework of the three “garments” of the soul, machshava (thought), dibbur (speech), and ma’aseh (action), we explore three ways love is revealed, and why most homes naturally excel at action (providing, doing), struggle with speech (saying it clearly), and almost completely overlook thought.
A striking line lands hard: a child’s inner voice is shaped less by what we say… and more by what we consistently think. We unpack the “telepathic” reality kids pick up on, why negative bias hijacks our minds, and why pure machshava can be the deepest gift that quietly changes everything downstream.
Along the way, we connect it to Ahavat Hashem, bringing Maimonides (Rambam): “m’derech ha’ohavim… she’hem choshevim b’ahavah” — it’s the way of lovers to think in love.
This week’s avodah: notice what “invades” your loving thoughts… and practice returning to the simple, holy sentence: “Of course I love my child.”
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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com
Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_tCHAPTERS
00:00 Opening and Sponsor Acknowledgments
01:39 Thought, Speech, Action Sequence
03:10 Three Ways to Express Love
05:35 Parental Investment in the Three Garments
06:37 Importance of Thinking Before Speaking
08:23 The Heart’s Role and “Opening Your Heart”
12:14 Why Parents Excel in Action
13:58 Why Speech Needs Improvement
17:55 Why Thought Is Almost Absent
22:52 Does Thinking Love Actually Matter?
25:46 Machshava as Tefillah and Presence
28:56 “A Child’s Inner Voice Is What I Think”
32:57 Why Machshava Feels Unmeasurable
36:44 Thinking Love From the Child’s Existence
41:27 Thoughts That Expand Space vs. Clog It
43:56 Why We Struggle With “Free” Love-Thoughts
46:22 How Pain/Judgment Invade Love-Thoughts
48:08 Machshava as the Core of the Soul
50:09 Parenting with Pure Thought: Guarding the Heart
51:25 Next Steps: Focus on This Week’s Study -
What if your child knows you love them… but rarely hears it?
In this week’s Know Your Children, Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David draw a sharp line between ahavah nisteret (love that exists but stays hidden) and ahavah gluyah (love that’s felt because it’s expressed). Most of parenting is “industrial”—laundry, food, homework, logistics—and yes, it often comes from love. But when love isn’t spoken, kids can grow up emotionally unsure, even inside a home that’s doing “everything right.”
Using a mashal from marriage (“I provide everything. Shouldn’t that be enough?”), we explore why provision isn’t the same as connection, why waiting until a child is in crisis is too late, and how small, consistent habits—especially verbal expression and short, regular conversations—can change the emotional climate of a home.'
This isn’t about guilt. It’s about learning to say what’s already true so your child can actually receive it.
----------
For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com
Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_tCHAPTERS
00:00 Opening and Sponsor Acknowledgements
01:07 Shiur Overview: Imperfect Love
05:28 Identifying Two Problems in Parental Love
06:54 Guilt as a Trigger
08:09 Patience and Compassion for Ourselves
10:09 Emotional Layer Small in Daily Life
13:12 Measuring Basic Needs
21:26 Hidden vs. Revealed Love Question
23:56 Hidden love in daily parenting gestures
25:17 Rental car story and parental love realization
29:08 Love often known to parents but not felt by kids
30:27 Wife's expectations beyond financial provision
31:33 Constant verbal communication vital in relationships
34:56 Examining parent-child emotional connection
42:34 Preemptive emotional conversations with children
46:53 Love must be revealed, not hidden, with kids
49:21 Metallica Covers and Unexpected Lullabies -
Do our kids know we love them… but still not always feel it?
Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David take on one of the most sensitive (and real) parenting questions: a parent can be full of love — and a child can still experience “You don’t love me.” How does that happen?
Building off last week’s foundation (that a parent’s love can’t be “perfect” in the way we wish it could be), we explore:
Why a child’s inner world often works in all-or-nothing terms (“If it’s not 100%, it’s nothing”)How “You hate me” is rarely about facts — and almost always about experienceThe Chassidic idea that inside a “sheker” there can be a spark of truth to redeem (instead of reacting defensively)Why the first move isn’t “fix it” — it’s finding the shoresh (where the feeling is coming from)And we end with a powerful next step for the series: the importance of verbal love — bituy miluli — especially for parents who struggle to express what they deeply feel.
A shiur about love, truth, and building a home where children can walk with a real “shield of love”, even when life gets messy.
----------
For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com
Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_tChapters
00:00 Opening & Sponsorship Acknowledgements
01:26 Today’s Question: Do Children Feel Our Love?
04:39 Three Types of Parental Responses
05:51 Why Kids Don’t Always Experience Love
08:28 Validating Feelings vs Arguing Facts
09:32 What to Do When a Child Says “You Hate Me”
11:15 Find the Source Before Trying to Fix
15:24 The Assumption: The Feeling Isn’t “Factually True”
17:42 The Spark of Truth Inside a Child’s “Sheker”
22:30 Where Real Insight Comes From
23:35 End-of-Life Regrets: Work vs Home
24:45 The Pride of Providing — and What Kids Still Need
26:16 Obligation vs Love (and how kids read it)
28:01 If Love Were “Perfect,” Kids Would Feel It Naturally
33:31 The Weak Spot: Where Kids Find “Proof” You Don’t Love Them
36:47 The “Love Funnel” and Why Leaks Change Everything
43:38 Next Week: The Power of Verbal Love
44:41 Personal Story: A Home of Tears & Expression
45:59 The Airport Handshake Moment
47:12 Why That Handshake Stayed for 20+ Years
48:34 Closing + Hope for the Week -
In parenting, we want to believe our love is perfect — automatic, limitless, and always putting our child first. But real life has a way of testing that fantasy.
Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David unpack a surprisingly relieving truth: a parent can genuinely love their child… and still have moments where their own needs collide with the child’s needs. Sometimes it’s obvious (work, exhaustion, basic functioning). Sometimes it’s subtler (wanting quiet when your child needs connection, wanting “my plan” when your child needs “me”).
With honesty, humor, and a lot of compassion, we explore:
Why this tension is normal and why denying it makes us less self-awareThe difference between a true need vs. laziness/ta’avahHow “timing” and communication can become a real avodahWhy kids experience reality differently (and how that changes everything)This isn’t a guilt shiur. It’s a clarity shiur — the kind that helps you become more present, more balanced, and more loving in the moments that actually matter.
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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com
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Chapters
00:00 Opening and Introducing the Shiur Topic
01:05 Natural Parental Love at Birth
04:07 Striving for the Perfect Parent
13:26 Question of Absolute Unconditional Love
18:08 Recognizing Unconscious Preference
21:13 “My Need vs My Child’s Need” Examples
25:44 The “One Candy Left” Test
28:31 Alone Time, Date Night, and the Child’s Experience
33:16 Sleep Training as a Case Study
35:49 The Pillow at 2:00am: Need or Laziness?
37:54 A Parent Has Needs Too
40:12 Needs vs. Laziness/Ta’avah (The Real Birur)
42:52 The Oxygen Mask Analogy
44:40 Timing as a Tool for Discernment
46:25 Communication: Helping Kids Understand Reality
48:05 Love Isn’t Free of Personal Motives
50:58 Generational Shift in Mom Self-Care
52:15 Father’s Old-School Wisdom and Child Fear -
In this new perek of Da Es Yeladecha, Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David go straight at a question that sounds “too obvious” to even ask: why do parents need to love their children? And then they flip it. Because love isn’t just a feeling; it’s the soul’s nourishment.
From there, they go even deeper: love isn’t only what keeps a child emotionally alive. It’s the “pipeline” that makes chinuch possible. Without a vessel of love, guidance and discipline don’t land. They spill.
With a powerful mashal (Kinneret water needs a pipe) and a sharp Torah from the Mishkan (Moshe vs. Betzalel: build the structure before the tools), this shiur reframes parenting: don’t start with tactics. Start by building the home’s foundation of love, so everything else actually reaches your child.
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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t
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Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David explore one of the most basic and most misunderstood foundations of parenting: love.
Not love as a feeling we assume is obvious, and not love as a concept we think we’ve already mastered. But love as mazón la’nefesh, nourishment for a child’s soul.
Drawing from Da Et Yeladecha, Rav Shlomo reframes love as an essential need, no different from food, clothing, or shelter. Just as a child cannot survive without physical nourishment, a child’s soul cannot grow without love that is given, expressed, and received.
This shiur gently challenges the assumption that “they know I love them,” and invites us into a deeper, more honest avodah: learning how each child uniquely receives love, how missed nourishment affects the soul, and why this is something that must be learned, prayed over, and renewed again and again.
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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t
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In this week’s Know Your Children, we take a courageous, very triggering step inward: Can I look at my child not only as “my kid,” but as a neshamah —a soul that may even be higher than mine?
Building on our work about friendship and authority, Rav Shlomo Katz opens the inner story: our children are not our property, not our projects, and not our therapy. On the level of guf (body), we are the parents, we pay the bills, we set the rules. But on the level of neshamah, we are standing in front of a piece of Hashem that may have been here before us, in different gilgulim, in different roles.
Together we learn:
The difference between “guf perception” (I’m the parent, you’re the child) and “neshamah perception” (two souls meeting in this gilgul).Why our children are absolutely included in “ואהבת לרעך כמוך”—and what it means to love them as “re’a,” not just as responsibility.How seeing a child as a neshamah changes the tone of discipline without erasing clear hierarchy and boundaries.Why cycles of blame (on our parents, and on ourselves) don’t heal—and how Da et Yeladecha really begins with da et neshamatam.A gentler way to daven for our kids: not “fix them,” but “help me see the soul You trusted me with.”Practical takeaways:
Before reacting, pause for one breath and whisper: “Li yesh neshamah, v’leyaldi yesh neshamah.” Let that shape your tone.In hard moments (bedtime, screens, school), ask: “If I were talking to a neshamah right now, not just behavior, how would I speak?”Once a day, look at each child for 10–15 seconds with no agenda—just “noticing the soul”—and only then say your message.When old pain with your own parents surfaces, name it, but don’t camp in blame; use it as fuel to open your heart wider to your children.----------
For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t
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This week we face the question every home is asking: how do we hold yedidut (friendship) and mashma’ut (discipline) together—without losing either?
Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David learn that Chazal’s path isn’t “buddy” parenting, and it isn’t cold control. It’s a 50/50 coin: authority on one side, friendship on the other—flipped together by love. The Chafetz Chaim’s home modeled chaverut with clear chinuch; the Rambam’s Ve’ahavta l’rei’acha kamocha applies inside our doorway, too—yes, even toward our children.
Together we learn:
Why “just friendship” isn’t a Jewish home, and “just authority” breaks the funnel (kesher nafshi) that lets Torah and values actually land.How to keep vision and boundaries without the belt, or the burnout.The daily avodah of seeing a neshamah, not a project: curiosity first, guidance second.Yosef’s middah as a parenting model: chesed and gevurah operating simultaneously.A practical liturgy for parents: entering a moment of conflict with “הנני מקבל עלי מצות עשה של ואהבת לרעך כמוך.”Practical takeaways:
Two-step before feedback: 1) Reflect what you heard (friend), 2) State the boundary and consequence calmly (parent).Name the coin: Say it out loud—“I love you as my yedid, and I’m setting this boundary as your parent.”One clear house rule: Choose one “non-crossable line” this week; post it, keep it with warmth.Daily 30-second kavanah: Before big talks, whisper the Ve’ahavta line above.Measure the funnel: If your words aren’t landing, build kesher first, teach second.----------
For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t
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In this week’s shiur, Rav Shlomo Katz invites us to re-examine the core of chinuch: can a parent be both moreh (teacher) and chaver (friend) without blurring roles? We return to last week’s kesher nafshi (soul-bond) and learn why natural love alone isn’t the funnel—mutuality is. Around ages 12–13, many children feel, “You love me, but you don’t understand me.” The work now is to move from “I care about you” (אכפת לי) to “I’m genuinely interested in you” (מעניין אותי)—from giving gifts we think they need to discovering the gift they actually yearn for.
Together we learn:
Why ahavah tiv’it (natural love) cannot replace a two-way kesher nafshi, and how that bond becomes the only reliable “funnel” for values to land.The shift from top-down instructions to du-siach (two-way conversation) that dignifies a growing child.“Chinuch al pi darko” as practice: joining your child’s world so Torah can join their story—and stay there.The “gift mistake”: giving from our map instead of their needs, and how to do a gentle birur ha-ratzon (clarifying what they want and what we want).The Chafetz Chaim at home: the recipe is parent-as-teacher and parent-as-friend—without surrendering boundaries.Practical takeaways:
Ten minutes of curiosity: This week, ask about one thing they care about (music, friend, game, class). No fixing; mirror back what you heard.Switch the verb: Say out loud, “It’s not only that I care, I’m interested. Teach me.” Then listen twice as long as you speak.Name the age-shift: Tell a 12+ child, “I don’t want to love you like a toddler. Help me love you like you are now.”Funnel check before mussar: Ask, “Do we have a kesher right now?” If not—build it first, speak short and warm after.Friend + Parent, not either/or: Clarify one boundary you’ll keep with consistency and kindness (tone, timing, devices)—so friendship never erases guidance.----------
For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t
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In this week’s shiur, Rav Shlomo Katz asks the heart-level question: Do I Want to Know My Child’s World?
We deepen last week’s kesher nafshi—a two-way soul-bond—by facing a common gap: many parents are pouring from their world into children living in a different one. Without curiosity and reciprocity, the funnel leaks; with it, chinuch can finally land.
Together we learn:
- Why a mutual bond (ke-mayim ha-panim) is the only stable “funnel” for real chinuch.
- How to enter a child’s dor (generation) with humility—see, listen, learn—before you speak.
- The difference between organic kibbud av va’em and guilt-based demands—and how to keep it gentle.
- Why relying on “passive osmosis” (they’ll just pick it up) isn’t a shittah—we need a conscious method.
- Creation’s order as a model: a spousal kesher of mutuality precedes and teaches the parent–child bond.Practical takeaways:
- Schedule one curiosity block this week (10–15 min): ask about their music, friends, game, class—no fixing, just “teach me your world.”
- Before giving mussar, ask: Do I have a funnel here? If not, build it first (listen, reflect back, then speak briefly).
- Name one gentle boundary that keeps connection safe (tone, timing, devices), and keep it with consistency and warmth.----------
L’ilui nishmat Batya Feiga bat Yisrael; Levi ben Yosef; Avraham Mordechai ben Yosef.
For refuah sheleimah Aliza Chana bat Naomi; Shoshana Yona bat Eidel—תחת שערי שמים.
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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t
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