Afleveringen
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I finally finished this goddamn Misfits project, so you wonât have to hear about it anymore. (Unless something actually happens with it. 6% chance, hopefully the Bureau is understaffedâŠ) Iâd like to give most replies on Craigslist a Craigs-fist. The third favorite LA Fitness in 20 years is closing, because of course it is. A problem with my Harley that would only happen to me. Gene Hackman leaves us guessing, and stop bothering me about Epstein. Berenstein Bears Paradox: âhomeless people are crazyâ line, from Speed. I went to a Back To The Future event, and realized Iâm so fucking old that half the things portended for the future IN sci fi movies are actually happening. (And much of it turned out to be pretty gay)
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What a lovely Wednesday mourning! Colonoscopy extravaganza. Adventures in Los Angeles customer service, starring Luke Allen and Eric Rocha. Going to see Deftones next week, but of course there has to be a catch, because god hates me.
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Polish Brandon is a special guest this week, because I had fuck-all to talk about for 488. I needed back up. We talk about LA haircuts, the Superbowl a little bit (rare sports talk!), freezing your shit, and working at a bowling alley that lots of famous people came into. (And we had to deal with) You can hear more from this son of an onion on his weekly podcast, The Liquor License. One.
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There are refugee camps in Gaza with better amenities and less issues than my god forsaken apartment. There always has to be âone weirdo.â Robâs birthday part II (itâs never too late!) and the gun range with Vince.
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The Roman Coliseum has better plumbing than my apartment building. Tarantino says â2019 was the last real year for movies,â and I agree with him quite emphatically. For the movie Blink Twice, youâre better off blinking just once, and then holding it for 2 hours. Donât get âBuffaloedâ by the movie âBuffaloed.â (Itâs a Canadian piece of shit) My Beatles are coming! The Deadguy documentary. I went to the heart doctor and they almost needed defribulators instead of electrodes. A day of shooting and French fry betrayal.
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Calve-raped by a dog at the gym, and my first stand up comedy set/mic in over a year. (Fuck it) Bobâs Big Boy. Fuck anyone that pre-emptively beeps at you at a red light. Iâm getting bi-coastally fucked by the two worst governors in the country. (Details inside) âC.O.M.â movie marathon with mister Eric Rocha.
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Fuck âthe fountain of youth,â just give me a ripe banana. The thing about The Thing. God got so tired of the California fires, he put them out himself. I forgot about the time Chris Hardwicke fucked me over.
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David Lynch died. Stop making movies about the wolfman. I dip my toe into the whimsical world of AI creation, and it was annoying, and confusing. Really taking the âableâ out of âGable,â and how Hollywood has essentially fucked me in the ass with no lube for 15 years and running because I dare to âtry.â Bored-walk Empire. The air is still horrendous and fires are STILL goingâŠthree weeks later, in this alleged 1st world country/state.
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Los Angeles will literally be on fire for the foreseeable future for a myriad of reasons, but mostly âarson.â (Shhhh!!!!!) At Chipotle, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. (Suck my Dickens) I mostly likely bore you to tears about my screenplay and the dramatic breakthrough I managed, but it will be worth it because Taylor Sheridan is totes going to produce it and itâll be on your TV and your iPhone and your Apple watch. (There is actually technically a 1% chance of that happening. If so, please recommend me high end prostitutes in preparation)
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From the smoldering embers of Studio D, I tell you my harrowing final days in Buffalo and the dreadful return home.
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Last days in Florida, first days in Buffalo. New Years Eve, and the trip to my brotherâs house. (Please excuse the annoying audio for a few minutes, and my distraction at driving through a nasty snowstorm/white out for a while in upstate New York.) Happy new year!
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Huston, we have a problem. The day before I left was a real kick in the rear end, fam. (Keeping it PG for Christmas, folks.) (And by âPG,â I mean âpretty gay.â) The flight to Florida, and the struggle for a proper Belgian waffle. I had Christmas and went to see Nosferatu so that you donât have to, then I watched Rogue One directly into A New Hope, and had thoughts on those. I apologize, not only was this an uneventful week, I really wasnât in the mood to do this episode on top of it. Way to end the year with a BANG!, LukeâŠ.
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I observe how much I hate the Observatory. I had no business using one of the cameras from The Revenant to shoot my dick jokes with, but I did anyway. After 27 years of deliberating and excuse making, I finally got my stupid Star Wars tattoo fixed. I canât think of a single filmmaker in history who has ruined their legacy or fucked up their own movies more than asshole piece of shit George Lucas. Iâm afraid of Vistaviews. Iâm either having a weird reaction to my sleep medication, or Iâm several days into the Drag Me To Hell curse/demonically possessed. Vinnieâs schmancy work Christmas party at the Sofi Stadium. I got to meet my favorite Instagram husky! Listen to grandma Lukeâs account of it! Day Of The Fight, and the inimitable Jack Huston.
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28 Years Later, 23 years later. Iâm the asshole for bringing up the fact that people are constantly falling asleep and snoring in Los Angeles movie theaters. The resplendent bliss of Arbyâs. I mostly complain about several podcasts from the last week. I went to see âHorizon,â the Kevin Costner western, so you donât have to.
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What did you do on your 30th birthday? Cigar, whiskey, chocolate. (Try it) Capote is a good movie. Reggie And The No Effect, and the west Hollywood diarrhea tour. Kidney stone update! Wild times on the 405 northbound. Simply having a miserable Christmas time. The Gene Wilder doc made me cry, the Ashley Madison doc gave me anxiety (and flashbacks).
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âIâm the assholeâ because my Thanksgiving food was fuckin terrible. People love to argue with me, even when they donât really have a counterpoint. Kidney stones update. (Tell me this isnât the most captivating podcast on the internet, I dare you) Saturday Night Stomach Ache (instead of âFever?â Get it?) Keith from Life Of Agony is an overnight media sensation. Iâm excited about meeting an internet personality soon. (Or is it..PAW-sonality??) Screenplay troubles, but also, like breakthroughs. (Also âpercentageâ update. Of, yâknow, âit getting made.â)
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It was easier to travel west here in a covered wagon than it is to keep your clean for 24hrs in this city. When will we have holographic projections like in Star Wars? Another untalented spotter at the gym robs me of greatness. I have more kidney stones than a box of Mike & Ikes
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Iâm usually funnier, but I think I was (literally) passing a kidney stone this episode. Lenoâs black guy. Mike Tyson fought Jake Paul. (More like FAKE Paul) UFC and USA. Millerâs Crossing. (I bet you saw it a long time ago, and should watch it again) The Heretic. âMondays, amirite?â
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Down with the sickness. Trump won the 2024 election. Halloween. I discover definitive photographic proof of life outside of Earth; âNBD,â as the kids say. Unsolved Mystery of the mysterious refugee camp(?) behind the shitty, shitty North Hollywood Golds. That movie âFind Me Guiltyâ with Vin Diesel, and the realization that NY DPâs suck.
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I donât care about Halloween this year, 2024. (Probably because Im old, and crabby. I like seeing slutty costumes, but Im just too lazy) âGirlâ trouble. Smile 2 (âtWoOo?!â) Trump was on Rogan and Hinchliffe was at Trump, and people handled it as maturely and reasonably as youâd expect. I want credit for being DECADES ahead of âwe all hate Mariah Carey Christmas music now.â Grave circumstances in Bevery Hills.
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