Afleveringen
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Huston, we have a problem. The day before I left was a real kick in the rear end, fam. (Keeping it PG for Christmas, folks.) (And by āPG,ā I mean āpretty gay.ā) The flight to Florida, and the struggle for a proper Belgian waffle. I had Christmas and went to see Nosferatu so that you donāt have to, then I watched Rogue One directly into A New Hope, and had thoughts on those. I apologize, not only was this an uneventful week, I really wasnāt in the mood to do this episode on top of it. Way to end the year with a BANG!, Lukeā¦.
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I observe how much I hate the Observatory. I had no business using one of the cameras from The Revenant to shoot my dick jokes with, but I did anyway. After 27 years of deliberating and excuse making, I finally got my stupid Star Wars tattoo fixed. I canāt think of a single filmmaker in history who has ruined their legacy or fucked up their own movies more than asshole piece of shit George Lucas. Iām afraid of Vistaviews. Iām either having a weird reaction to my sleep medication, or Iām several days into the Drag Me To Hell curse/demonically possessed. Vinnieās schmancy work Christmas party at the Sofi Stadium. I got to meet my favorite Instagram husky! Listen to grandma Lukeās account of it! Day Of The Fight, and the inimitable Jack Huston.
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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28 Years Later, 23 years later. Iām the asshole for bringing up the fact that people are constantly falling asleep and snoring in Los Angeles movie theaters. The resplendent bliss of Arbyās. I mostly complain about several podcasts from the last week. I went to see āHorizon,ā the Kevin Costner western, so you donāt have to.
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What did you do on your 30th birthday? Cigar, whiskey, chocolate. (Try it) Capote is a good movie. Reggie And The No Effect, and the west Hollywood diarrhea tour. Kidney stone update! Wild times on the 405 northbound. Simply having a miserable Christmas time. The Gene Wilder doc made me cry, the Ashley Madison doc gave me anxiety (and flashbacks).
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āIām the assholeā because my Thanksgiving food was fuckin terrible. People love to argue with me, even when they donāt really have a counterpoint. Kidney stones update. (Tell me this isnāt the most captivating podcast on the internet, I dare you) Saturday Night Stomach Ache (instead of āFever?ā Get it?) Keith from Life Of Agony is an overnight media sensation. Iām excited about meeting an internet personality soon. (Or is it..PAW-sonality??) Screenplay troubles, but also, like breakthroughs. (Also āpercentageā update. Of, yāknow, āit getting made.ā)
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It was easier to travel west here in a covered wagon than it is to keep your clean for 24hrs in this city. When will we have holographic projections like in Star Wars? Another untalented spotter at the gym robs me of greatness. I have more kidney stones than a box of Mike & Ikes
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Iām usually funnier, but I think I was (literally) passing a kidney stone this episode. Lenoās black guy. Mike Tyson fought Jake Paul. (More like FAKE Paul) UFC and USA. Millerās Crossing. (I bet you saw it a long time ago, and should watch it again) The Heretic. āMondays, amirite?ā
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Down with the sickness. Trump won the 2024 election. Halloween. I discover definitive photographic proof of life outside of Earth; āNBD,ā as the kids say. Unsolved Mystery of the mysterious refugee camp(?) behind the shitty, shitty North Hollywood Golds. That movie āFind Me Guiltyā with Vin Diesel, and the realization that NY DPās suck.
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I donāt care about Halloween this year, 2024. (Probably because Im old, and crabby. I like seeing slutty costumes, but Im just too lazy) āGirlā trouble. Smile 2 (ātWoOo?!ā) Trump was on Rogan and Hinchliffe was at Trump, and people handled it as maturely and reasonably as youād expect. I want credit for being DECADES ahead of āwe all hate Mariah Carey Christmas music now.ā Grave circumstances in Bevery Hills.
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I finished The Godfather, and give my final thoughts on the fucker. (You wonāt have to hear about it again. At least not for a long time. Probably.) I saw that movie āThe Apprenticeā about young Trump and Roy Cohn. I was lulled in by suggestions that it was āobjectiveā and almost āsympatheticā to the man; spoiler alert: it wasnāt. I talk about the Will Haven/Strife show at the Troubador.
*Editorās Note: The song I was referring to was āSAIL,ā from AWOL Nation. Not āAir,ā as I erroneously portended.
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The story of my two tattoos, esp the lousy Star Wars one that I have that Iām too much of a pussy to get fixed. (For now) The story of this guy that had his amazing scenes cut from Return Of The Jedi, and how it must have impacted his life. I met the most Evan-y Evan of all time. The Ed Wood screening, with Dana Gould.
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My sentence for being a self indulgent pig: hamburger hands. A slight reduction on my fatty sides! Things that are needlessly and hopelessly difficult and insanely expensive in Los Angeles: getting your concealed carry permit, rejoining Central Casting, getting your haircut. Rusty came to visit, we saw āSaturday Night.ā (That SNL movie)
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Escape the fate on a windshield AND a door! After a two month reprieve, the daily doom and gloom is back. A homeless guy was too good for my shoes. (AND socks) Who the FUCK is "Carmela Creeper?!" Chipotle Incompetence. SOMETHING IS STILL BITING ME, DAILY. At night I canāt sleep, I toss & turn. Saturday night Date with Blood In, Blood Out. Real World Season 2 revisit. Bruceās show, and an accidental viewing of the god awful Roadhouse remake. I complain about Penguin and the Godfather book some more, and talk about people talking about my stupid screenplay/mini series. (Itās not stupid, itās good, why am I defenestrating myself)
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Megalopolis is quite possibly the most pretentious movie in Hollywood history. Im still watching Tulsa King, somehow. I feel like a real fraud piece of shit at the Comedy Store, and totally donāt need therapy. Iām still watching The Penguin, are you?
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I guess Iāll never see Sepultura again. Tennis in Los Angeles has a few different interpretations. (I found out the hard way) I tried to take headshots but deserved a different type of āheadshot.ā Sympathy for McClusky. October 1 2024, everything is just going great! Definitely still a 1st world country. Last note about ā1923,ā I promise. (Well, at least until another fuckin season comes outā¦) Hot LA comedy gos, you get the inside scoop and an ear full of poop.
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I moved to LA twenty years ago this week. They need to invent an āavocado blowerā next, I guess. Chipotle Incompetence, and whatās up with the youth? Someone needs to reign in these paper towel companies, itās out of control. The Penguin on HBO. The Montgomery Clift crash site. The making of Thriller documentary on Paramount Plus. I read the Godfather and complain about the book adaptation. (Coppola really is a fucking fraud, Iām sorry, film puristsā¦)
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Just to round off the āhate list,ā I canāt stand Rainn Wilson either. The old guy at CVS. We had a real ripe banana crisis in this city on Monday. (As if it werenāt a banana republic as it is already, LOLLL!!!) I think I spend more time complaining about the direct flight to NC and back more than actually talking about the NC trip. And the sad part is, the flights werenāt even that troublesome. Iām wound tighter than the guy from Bloodletās snare drum.
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I couldnāt find the picture of that Vietnamese girl from part 1, but I inadvertently sent myself on a journey of discovery into my past, and illuminated some new revelations. (One of them being āIāve sent a LOT of dick pics in the last 15yrsā) I hate Kumal Nanjiani, but let me tell you why. I went to watch the Trump/Kamala debate live, and left dissatisfied on about 19 different levels. (Chicken tenders were involved) Trump is a bore on podcasts, and if I never hear about āthe golden years of the Boston comedy sceneā again, itāll be too fuckin soon. People seem to have hated Beetlejuice 2, I held strong and instead went to see Terminator 2. Jack Black was behind me in line for it, and I have a litany of thoughts about him AND the movie. Rain globs keep falling on my car, and (also) fuck āI see what you did thereā guy, a fresh scourge in the Lukesterās online life. I had a total Saturday night misfire, and I advocate for a āfats onlyā section of the beach. The Bureau has added āmy laundromatā to their list of targets.
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I wrap up Labor Day weekend, and essentially use your ears as a repository for my vitriol. (I apologize, but itās much cheaper than therapy) Leaf blowers! Dumb people at the beach! High prices! You name it, I bitch about it! I posit the question āAm I a weirdo for āstretch-talking?āā (Details inside) One more note on the A Team, one more famous Rainbow bar anecdote, the infamous ET Atari game debacle (look at ME following through on promised topics!) and the annoying, mousy weirdo at my PT office.
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West coast aint got no love for Zito movers?! Your brain can only remember 150 people, but itās still weird to me when famous people donāt recognize me. Chipotle Incompetenceā¢. Iām so disgruntled I donāt even like Entourage or The A Team anymore. Hurtin for a Burton. I sent in my Misfits pilot(?) for coverage. I went to the Vista for the first time (where there was a vistaview, vistas AND views) to see Strange Darling, a hot new indie hit. Stung by the Beekeepāah. Last Samurai ā does it hold up? Friday night on historic Sunset blvd (two of the four spots left, anyway) and a date with a Thai(?) chick(?).
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