Afleveringen
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Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. OK.
This week Sooz tells Michael the unbelievable story of England's immortal football anthem Three Lions. How did it happen? Why is it so suffused with melancholy? Will the guys ever record a new version? And what is Vindaloo? Listen to find out!
But first: Michael reports on Toronto's World Cup fever; Sooz triumphs on the stage; PLUS: a new edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.
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ANNOUNCEMENT
On June 16, Michael Balazo is releasing his much-anticipated 3rd standup comedy album "Pizza Pals". Recorded in November of 2025, Pizza Pals is available for pre-order on Bandcamp now!
And be sure to check out the video for Michael's smash hit Canadian World Cup 2026 anthem "Canada is Balls."
SHOWS!
See Sooz in Grayson the Musical - July 16-19 - Soho Theatre Walthamstow - TICKETS
June 14th - Sooz at Sunday Cabaret @ Royal Vauxhall Tavern, London TICKETS
June 28th - Sooz Kempner - IMPOSTER WIP @ Chippenham Comedy Fest TICKETS
July 2nd - Sooz at Hamlet Comedy Club @ Dulwich FC, London TICKETS
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Hello LDBW listeners! With the start of the 2026 World Cup just hours away, we decided to adorn your podcast feed with Michael Balazo's new song "Canada is Balls." This song is designed to unite Canada as the country prepares to win the World Cup.
There's even a slick music video for "Canada is Balls," with editing and graphics by Sooz Kempner. CLICK HERE TO WATCH IT!
Good luck, everybody!
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Please give generously.
This week Sooz and Michael welcome veteran quizmaster/brother Terrance Balazo to the show to talk about all things pub quiz. When did they start? Has technology made cheating inevitable? And why do pub quizzes make certain nerds lose their minds and become violent? Listen to find out!
For more on Terrance's pub quizzes in Toronto and beyond, visit Another Round Trivia.
But first: Sooz gives her thoughts on why World Cup 2026 will be a massive shitshow; PLUS: a new dog-themed edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.
***
ANNOUNCEMENT
On June 16, Michael Balazo is releasing his much-anticipated 3rd standup comedy album "Pizza Pals". Recorded in November of 2025, Pizza Pals is available for pre-order on Bandcamp now!
SHOWS!
Grayson the Musical - July 16-19 - Soho Theatre Walthamstow - TICKETS
June 5th - Sooz at Comedy Network @ Corn Exchange, Newbury TICKETS
June 6th SOOZ KEMPNER: IMPOSTER WIP @ Northampton TICKETS
June 7th - Sooz at Agony Aunts @ Aces & Eights, London TICKETS
June 10th - Sooz at Keep it Clean! w/Nish Kumar @ The Comedy Store TICKETS
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In this week's bonus episode, Sooz tells Michael all about The Great Stink of 1858, when the River Thames was so full of sewage and the sun was so hot that London got too stinky and parliament couldn't operate. Bit on the nose, lads! Literally.This is just a preview of course. To hear the full episode and gain access to all of our exclusive content please head to our Patreon. Thanks!
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Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Hot Stuff.
This week Michael tells Sooz about one of the rudest chapters in Canada's history: the October Crisis of 1970, when, after a seven-year bombing campaign, the militant Quebec separatist group the Front de libération du Québec (FLQ) kidnapped British diplomat James Cross and Quebec Labour Minister Pierre Laporte. Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau responded by implementing the War Measures Act, which led to tanks, soldiers and snipers on the streets of Montreal. Did it end politely? Listen to find out!
But first: Sooz reports on the English heatwave; Freddie the cat is forced to take a bath; PLUS: a new edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.
***
ANNOUNCEMENT
On June 16, Michael Balazo is releasing his much-anticipated 3rd standup comedy album "Pizza Pals". Recorded in November of 2025, Pizza Pals is available for pre-order on Bandcamp now!
SHOWS
May 29th - Sooz Kempner - Screaming Blue Murder @ The Core, Corby TICKETS
June 2nd - Sooz Kempner - BYOB @ Komedia, Brighton TICKETS
June 4th - Sooz Kempner - BYOB @ East Dulwich Picturehouse, London TICKETS
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Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. At time of publishing, 1 Canadian dollar is worth 0.54p.
This week Sooz tells Michael the story of beloved British children's television series Rainbow. Created as a British response to Sesame Street, Rainbow aired from 1972-1992. And while Rainbow lacked Sesame Street's American glamour, big budget and huge cast, it certainly had a man named Geoffrey who was forced to live in a small house with two puppets and a huge bear that argued nonstop.
Why was the Rainbow theme song so groovy/melancholy? What is Zippy? Was innocuous folk trio Rod, Jane and Freddy fuelled by sexual jealousy? Why was Bungle arrested? And was an episode of Rainbow really banned? Listen to find out!
But first: SILLY town names; forgotten David Bowie personas; PLUS: a new edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.
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SHOWS
May 24th - Sooz Kempner: Imposter WIP @ Crack, Kingston TICKETS
May 29th - Sooz Kempner - Screaming Blue Murder @ The Core, Corby TICKETS
June 2nd - Sooz Kempner - BYOB @ Komedia, Brighton TICKETS
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In this week's bonus episode, Sooz tells Michael what a Grogu is.
Please enjoy this free episode preview, where Sooz has done some research so that she and Michael, both of whom aren't interested in Star Wars, aren't left behind in the pop culture.
If you want to hear the entire episode AND gain access to all of our bonus content, support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon.
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Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. But only one is human...
This week Michael tells Sooz about the 30-40,000 young American war resisters or "draft dodgers" who decided to move to Canada instead of fighting/dying in the Vietnam War. How did the draft work? Why Canada? What type of criticism did war resisters face? And how did reactionary rocker Ted Nugent avoid going to Vietnam? Sit back and enjoy this serious BUT ALSO humorous chat!
But first: Sooz sips red wine and positively roasts the UK's Labour government; Michael praises Machynlleth's misty mountains; PLUS: a very soupy edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.
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SHOWS
May 18 - Michael is doing standup on the Vibraslap show, 8PM, Comedy Bar, Toronto. GET TICKETS HERE.
May 21 - Sooz is performing at Pride and Perverts supporting the Terrence Higgins Trust, the UK's leading HIV charity. With Billy Bragg, Ada Campe, Dosa Cat, Jamie-Diane Rajaram, Ebony Rose Dark and HOMOPARODY. 7PM, Royal Vauxhall Tavern, London. GET TICKETS HERE.
May 24 - Sooz is performing a preview of her new Edinburgh Fringe show "Imposter" as part of a double-bill with Juliette Burton, who will be previewing her show "Villain Era." 7PM, Crack Comedy, Ram Jam Records @ The Grey Horse, Kingston. GET TICKETS HERE.
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Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Please enjoy this!
This week we're unlocking a recent Patreon bonus episode in which Sooz reads Michael some incredibly unerotic sex columns from Metro, the UK's free commuter tabloid. If you close your eyes, you can pretend you're on an overcrowded bus... or tube!
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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.
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SHOWS
May 8 - Michael is at AAA #1 Best Standup Comedy Show, 8PM @ Tallboys in Toronto. TICKETS
May 10th - Sooz is a guest on Get Your Geek On, 1.30pm @ The Walrus, Brighton. TICKETS
May 10th - Sooz is performing as part of Sunday Cabaret, 5:45pm @ Royal Vauxhall Tavern, London. TICKETS
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Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Haha.
This week is a treat for fans of the popular "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News" segment, as Michael reads THREE magnificent missives that touch on subjects like tiny knives, restaurant renovation and signed garbage. Then, Sooz turns up the heat with TWO sex columns from the free commuter newspaper METRO. Will you become aroused? Who's to say. WARNING: one of the sex columns is about an old man with a dirty/stinky shirt.
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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.
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SHOWS
May 2- Machynlleth, UK! Sooz is performing a work in progress of her standup show Imposter at the Machynlleth Comedy Festival. Get your tickets HERE!
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In this week's bonus episode, Sooz tells Michael some little-known facts about Michael Jackson aka the King of Pop.
Please enjoy this free episode preview, where Sooz recounts MJ's thwarted attempts to become a movie star by playing Spider-Man, Jar Jar Binks, Willy Wonka and Peter Pan.
If you want to hear the entire episode AND gain access to all of our bonus content, support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon.
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Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Two people from two radically different cultures.
This week, writer and podcaster Jesse Hawken drops by to talk about some VERY lucky Canadian musicians who benefited from the government's Canadian Content (CanCon) rules.
Implemented under Pierre Trudeau's government in 1971, CanCon rules were created to combat the overwhelming dominance of American music on Canadian radio, ensuring domestic artists had airplay. All of this, it was hoped, would foster a distinct Canadian cultural identity. Did it work? Hard to say. But CanCon certainly allowed guys like David Wilcox, Kim Mitchell, Gowan, Stompin' Tom and, uh, Doug and the Slugs to have careers.
BUT FIRST: Sooz talks about a fire! Michael talks about Drake's ice sculpture! PLUS: another exciting edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
Follow Jesse on Bluesky HERE. And be sure to check out his excellent podcast Junk Filter.
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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.
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SHOWS
April 26 - Birmingham, UK! Sooz is performing at Hare of the Dog @ Hare & Hounds. Get your tickets HERE!
April 30 - Chippenham, UK. Michael is opening for Sooz at the Chippenham Comedy Club @ the Old Road Tavern. Get your tickets HERE!
May 2- Machynlleth, UK! Sooz is performing a work in progress of her standup show Imposter at the Machynlleth Comedy Festival. Get your tickets HERE!
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Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Gross!
This week, British comedy icon Robin Ince stops by to talk about the importance of comedy in dark times, how he's stayed in love with standup, being an artist with a conscience, Chris Hadfield's impossible bicycle... and MORE!
GOOD NEWS: an extended version of this episode featuring 45 EXTRA minutes with Robin will be available on the Long Distance, Bit Weird Patreon feed shortly.
BUT FIRST: a fun chat about nuclear annihilation and thoughts on Melania Trump. PLUS: another exciting edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
You can find Robin's live dates, buy his books and find out about his current projects by visiting his website.
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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch several Travelodge episodes, along with the classic British animated films Watership Down and the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.
***
SHOWS
Bath, UK! Sooz is doing a work in progress performance of her standup show Imposter at the Bath Comedy Festival on April 18. Get your tickets HERE!
Machynlleth, UK! Sooz is performing a work in progress of her standup show Imposter at the Machynlleth Comedy Festival on May 2. Get your tickets HERE!
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In this week's bonus episode, a sex columnist from Britain's free METRO newspaper is shocked by the trailer for the new season of Euphoria. Sooz and Michael ask when on-screen nudity and off-screen diapers are justified.
If you want to hear more, you can get the whole episode on Patreon here!
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Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Haha.
This week's episode is a major treat for flag fans, as Sooz and Michael tell the shocking and sexy stories behind the Union Flag and the noble Maple Leaf. Feel free to salute while listening.
BUT FIRST: a frank discussion about the Artemis II space mission's malfunctioning toilet. PLUS: another exciting edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
***
If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.
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TORONTO, CANADA! Michael's podcast Evil Men is recording a live show on April 10 at Comedy Bar on Bloor Street. Get your tickets HERE!
BATH, UK! Sooz is doing a work in progress performance of her standup show Imposter at the Bath Comedy Festival on April 18. Get your tickets HERE!
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Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Cowabunga, dude.
This week, Michael tells Sooz all about late Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau's insane/glamorous love life. From beauty queens to actresses to singers and even teenagers, Swinging Pierre dated or married them all! He was a man who truly loved to honk and bonk.
BUT FIRST: Sooz tricks Michael with the ultimate April Fool's prank. PLUS: another exciting edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
***
If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.
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BATH, UK! Sooz is doing a work in progress performance of her standup show Imposter at the Bath Comedy Festival on April 18. Get your tickets HERE!
TORONTO, CANADA! Michael's podcast Evil Men is recording a live show on April 10 at Comedy Bar on Bloor Street. Get your tickets HERE!
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In this week's bonus episode, Sooz reads Michael a selection of NOT VERY EROTIC sex columns from Britain's free METRO newspaper. OOH, SEX!
If you want to hear more, you can get the whole episode on Patreon here!
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Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. It's like something out of sci-fi.
This week, Sooz sits Michael down and tells him about the glorious rise and regrettable fall of the British Seaside town. In the 18th and 19th centuries, coastal towns like Brighton, Southend-on-Sea and Blackpool became fashionable vacation spots for the wealthy. As the railroad expanded and workers were granted time off, these towns became accessible to all. Business was booming! But after WWII, the emergence of cheap commercial air travel combined with fascist Spain's eagerness for tourism signalled the beginning of the end of the seaside town. It's like the most depressing Beach Boys song ever written.
BUT FIRST: Sooz finds out about the jaw surgery that's popular with looksmaxxers and Michael talks about melodramatic songs written by teens. PLUS: another exciting edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.
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LONDON! Sooz is performing at the Two Brewers in foggy Londontown on March 29. Get your tickets HERE!
BATH! Sooz is doing a work in progress performance of her standup show Imposter at the Bath Comedy Festival on April 18. Get your tickets HERE!
TORONTO! Michael's podcast Evil Men is recording a live show on April 10 at Comedy Bar on Bloor Street. Get your tickets HERE!
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Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. And the police can’t do a thing about it.
This week, Sooz and Michael welcome comedian Masud Milas aboard to talk about what it was like to move to the UK after growing up in both Hong Kong and New Zealand. Masud also opens up about dating a Bulgarian woman, having a Hungarian flatmate, hanging out with pickup artists and drinking bad ale.
Be sure to follow Masud on Instagram!
BUT FIRST: Sooz recaps some recent shows in Southend-on-Sea and London’s Queer Comedy Club. PLUS: another exciting edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a damn pub.
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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.
***Sooz is performing at the Two Brewers in foggy Londontown on March 29. Get your tickets HERE!
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Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. It's a nice moment for the Commonwealth.
This week, Sooz tells Michael about the history of squatting in Britain. Until 2012, you could legally occupy an unused building for FREE. As in, zero money. This situation allowed activists, artists, hippies, punks and others on the fringes of society to live for free while pursuing their work. Squatting has roots tracing back to the 14th century, when peasants attempted to occupy unused land owned by the aristocracy. Post WWII, returning soldiers with nowhere to live started occupying empty buildings, which inspired/forced the government to build social housing. It took until the 21st century for nervous landlords and the government to finally end squatting, once and for all.
BUT FIRST: a terrifying story about staying in a beautiful home with a carpeted bathroom. PLUS: another exciting edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," in which we read genuine letters written to a pub.
NOTE: this episode was recored live at a Travelodge in London, UK. At 31:05, a man in the neighbouring room banged on the wall because we were being too good at podcasting.
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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to episodes, bonus content and special surprises. In fact, you can watch classic British animated film Watership Down AND the bonkers Canadian documentary Project Grizzly in FULL right now with witty/sweary commentary from Sooz and Michael.
***Sooz is performing at the Two Brewers in foggy Londontown on March 29. Get your tickets HERE!
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