Afleveringen
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Talking points: masculinity, culture, relationships
What is it men are actually looking for? We know how media tends to define "masculinity", but what is it men are wanting to define? I sat down with MELD founder and fellow coach Owen Marcus to dig into some of this, because we've both found that what men really want and what mainstream narratives say they want are often two different things. Dig in, team.
(00:00:00) - Why do you think “masculinity” gets so much attention in our culture?
(00:05:44) - When are where do men feel most aligned, and why getting out of your head is important
(00:12:07) - Where did mature masculinity go, and the balance of biology and culture
(00:19:25) - What happens when men miss moments of maturation
(00:27:03) - The value of being able to share what you’re going through with others, and what gets in the way
(00:33:27) - What is emotional physiology?
(00:39:24) - Tools to get back into the body, and what about men who avoid the work for fear it’ll make things worse?
Owen Marcus resisted getting into men's work, and it was only because his pain exceeded his fear that he started his first men’s group in 1995 in his clinic in Scottsdale, AZ.
The conventional approach to men’s groups began to feel inadequate for Owen and the deep, transformative work he sought. After completing his straw bale home in the forests of Idaho, he decided to take everything he had developed in his practice and worked to create a new model. By the middle of 2005, he had a thriving men's group group.
What began as the Sandpoint Men’s Group (SMG) grew beyond Marcus's wildest expectations. Nineteen years later, it boasts over 400 alumni and more than 50 active members. This journey led to the birth of EVRYMAN and now MELD, each step an evolution of his initial vision.
Connect with Owen
-Website: https://meld.community/
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/meld.men/
-LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/owenmarcus/
***
Men, the next Men's Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation.
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: business, mindset
I've been asked this for a long time now, and finally decided to press the button. I don't work in this industry to show off lambos, cohibas, and designer suits. It's to help other men be what they know they're capable of being. So if you're someone who's teaching, coaching, or making something for men, listen in, because here's what I've learned.
(00:00:00) - Intro, why I’m making this, and the problems to solve when working with men
(00:10:25) - What I’ve discovered works well. Number: get clear on the problem you’re solving
(00:12:33) - Speak to men directly. Not ABOUT men
(00:15:08) - Use multiple platforms, but have one in the lead, and pay for training
(00:21:04) - Leverage other people’s mastery and credibility by paying for partnership
(00:25:55) - Give value every step of the way
(00:29:47) - Develop a very deep level of competency
(00:33:51) - Build really strong relationships
(00:40:16) - Repetition, time, and consistency
***
Men, the next Men's Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation.
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Talking points: purpose, archetypes, trauma, perfectionism, abandonment
This week, a shadow work session with an anonymous guest. If you've ever wondered what this kind of work is like, now's your chance to check it out. My guest today has already done some great work and has found drive and purpose, but something has kept him from taking action. As we work to find out what's going on, we learn about past events that laid a foundation of resistance.
Note: there's some heavy stuff in here. You've been warned. This episode has also been edited for clarity and anonymity.
(00:00:00) - Intro, what brought my guest in today, and the Guardian of the Threshold
(00:07:09) - What's contributing to the overwhelm, and the guest's mother
(00:14:30) - Going deeper and connecting with the somatic experience
(00:21:57) - The connection between resistance and two events in the past
(00:34:17) - We don't always need the full story in order to heal, and homework
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: mindset, the shadow
I've been fascinated by the power of a good question for as long as I can remember. These are five simple (but not easy) ones that have radically altered my life for the better. I still use them today when I'm feeling stuck or unsure in my health, business, and relationships. Listen in!
(00:00:00) - Intro and the importance of good questions
(00:04:00) - Your mind has a LOT of unconscious content, and it’s actually useful
(00:06:43) - The benefit of framing questions as “sentence stems”
(00:08:45) - “The one thing I don’t like people to know about me is…”
(00:10:25) - “The one thing I could take action on that would make a difference is…”
(00:12:58) - “Is this something I can influence, or is it out of my control?”
(00:16:10) - “What really hard thing can I do that will make my life better?”
(00:18:35) - “What am I missing by choosing to worry?”
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: relationships, authenticity, mindset
How do you truly live life for yourself while navigating a relationship? What does it take to navigate what both of you want without creating resentment? How do you break free from what you're "supposed" to be—but remain authentic? These are all questions Lisa Bilyeu has had to answer in order to create an incredible life, and she's answered them powerfully. A privilege to sit down with her and dig into the intensity that can be modern relationships! Definitely going to be a part two!
(00:00:00) - Intro and Lisa’s defining moment
(00:07:25) - How Lisa held onto her authenticity and broke free from external validation
(00:12:49) - Lisa’s take on modern relationships, and the nuances of what women want
(00:27:19) - What women really want men to understand
(00:37:55) - How Lisa and her husband navigate who leads in the relationship
Lisa Bilyeu is cofounder of the billion-dollar company Quest Nutrition and cofounder and President of Impact Theory. She is the host of Women of Impact, a show featuring women who have overcome incredible hardship to achieve massive success. Her mission is to empower all women to become the heroes of their own lives.
Connect with Lisa
-Book: Radical Confidence: https://bit.ly/49Yx3f1
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisabilyeu/
-YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WomenofImpact
-Podcast: Women Of Impact: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/women-of-impact/id1435217865
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: psychology, shame, mindset
Trying so hard not to reference the bell ringing lady in Game of Thrones right now. Seriously though, a lot of us let shame run our lives. There are legitimate reasons why, but it doesn't have to stay that way. Listen in for how it starts, why it's so hard to clear, and ten (yes, ten!) thing you can do to break free.
(00:00:00) - Intro and how to better define shame
(00:03:30) - Why shame is so hard to get rid of: it’s natural, and its has a somatic component
(00:08:16) - It also can reinforce trauma. Here’s how they get connected
(00:13:52) - Shame as a source of safety
(00:18:36) - Understanding the physical side of shame
(00:23:21) - What does NOT help
(00:25:51) - When to seek professional help
(00:26:59) - Ten ways to move through shame. First one? Use curiosity to challenge it
(00:30:32) - Mindfulness skills, reframing, and separating personhood from behaviour
(00:35:00) - Putting the same in context, treating as a belief vs identity, and putting blame where it belongs
(00:40:01) - Finding an alternative story, and practicing expressing boundaries and assertiveness
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: masculinity, culture, mindset
We've had a lot of new listeners recently, and this interview deserves a ton of attention. Jason's words and work are powerful examples of how important men's work can be. This is a re-release of one of my favorite interviews, one of the most impactful stories, and worth every minute. Dig in for thoughts on comprehensive masculinity, the dangers of "grindset", and so much more.
(00:00:00) - Intro and Jason’s defining moment
(00:07:45) - The video that got Jason global attention
(00:13:22) - Defining “emotional incarceration” and its devastating effect on men
(00:18:58) - Why do some men have such an aversion to rest and replenishment?
(00:24:52) - How Jason got into martial arts, and how he uses it to support young men
(00:33:54) - On the importance and teaching of defeat
Jason Wilson is the founder and CEO of the Yunion (pronounced union), a non-profit youth development organization in Detroit Michigan. Since 2003, the Yunion has effectively reached more than 15,000 youth and young adults through innovative prevention programming, trauma-informed care, parental engagement, and counseling. In 2008, Mr. Wilson’s heart for fatherless and misguided black boys inspired him to create and direct the Cave of Adullam Transformational Training Academy (CATTA).
As an expert in Emotional Stability Training®, Wilson’s leadership has garnered the CATTA numerous acknowledgments and awards for his work teaching males how to introspectively confront and conquer their negative emotions with composure. In 2016, one of the CATTA’s videos went viral with over 80 million views worldwide. As a result, Mr. Wilson was invited to be a guest on the Dr. Oz Show and to present the CATTA at President Obama’s ‘My Brother’s Keeper’ Showcase at the White House. Later that year, NBC’s hit TV show ‘This Is Us’ was so inspired by Wilson’s work, that they featured the CATTA’s initiation ceremony in one of their most viewed and award winning episodes. In 2018, Mr. Wilson signed with actor/producer Laurence Fishburne’s film company Cinema Gypsy to produce a documentary film on Jason’s work with the CATTA. It is scheduled to be released in 2021.
Mr. Wilson has over 25 years of martial arts experience, in addition to over 16 years of training and developing young black males. Mr. Wilson is a man of the Most High, a faithful husband of over 22 years and a proud father of two beautiful children.
Connect with Jason
-Website: https://mrjasonwilson.com/
-Book, "Battle Cry": https://www.amazon.com/dp/1400226996
-The Yunion: https://theyunion.org/
-The Cave of Adullam Transformational Academy: https://mrjasonwilson.com/catta/
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mrjasonowilson/
-Twitter: https://twitter.com/mrjasonowilson
-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mrjasonowilson
-Book, "Cry Like A Man": https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07G1YJ7DZ/
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: attachment, relationships
Got a LOT of requests for this one! Relationships between anxious attachment and avoidant attachment folks are actually quite common. They can also be extremely tough. Listen in for what they're like, why the patterns are hard to break, and how to move towards a secure, grounded partnership.
(00:00:00) - Intro, what characterizes the anxious-avoidant dance, and why there’s no “villain”
(00:04:08) - Why that dance is so strong
(00:08:28) - Examples of the anxious-avoidant dynamic
(00:12:58) - Can anxious-avoidant relationships actually work, how to know if it won’t, and how to END the dance
(00:16:56) - The “protest and punishment” behaviors, and how to self-identify if you’re the anxious partner
(00:21:23) - How to self-identify if you’re the avoidant one
(00:27:05) - So what do you to? Tips for the anxious
(00:33:05) - Tips for the avoidant
(00:38:19) - What to do together
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: relationships, culture, sex, security, family
I'm lucky to be interviewing experts in all kinds of fields, but it is consistently enjoyable to dig deep into relationships. What keeps the spark, how couples navigate conflict, and how people can with together to create secure and thriving partnership. Trevor's been at it for a long while, and his gentle yet firm approach is something to be respected. If you're with someone, pull this up and have a listen!
(00:00:00) - Intro, and what is the “secret formula” for a successful love life, and what causes good sex in a bad relationship?
(00:07:42) - How do you move out of attracting insecure relationships?
(00:12:57) - What can a secure person or couple do to combat potential boredom with a relationship? How can security be sexy?
(00:18:43) - The importance of spontaneity for relational satisfaction
(00:21:54) - How do you support a partner through fears and insecurities around relationships deepening?
(00:27:35) - Navigating criticism, because you can’t criticize your way to a better relationship
(00:37:44) - Why Trevor chose to have kids
(00:42:43) - Why self-compassion is important, and what it really looks like in action
(00:54:33) - Trevor’s thoughts on how to figure out who you really are
(00:59:49) - On sharing your relationship and family events online, and why Trevor and his wife kiss in the rain
(01:05:38) - What Trevor does to maintain spark in his marriage
Trevor Hanson is a licensed marital and family therapist specializing in EFT, or emotionally focused therapy. Combining the depth of a therapist with the pratical guidance of a coach, Trevor works to bring empathy, acceptance, fun and gentle accountability to therapy. You can find more of him on his podcast "The Art of Healing."
Connect with Trevor
-Website: https://theartofhealingbytrevor.com/
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theartofhealingbytrevor/
***
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Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: leadership, accountability, group settings, masculinity
If you're thinking about starting a men's group, or just want to know what to look out for, this one's for you. With everything going on in the world, I want to dig a little into creating your own men’s group—or what to look out for if you’re thinking of joining one.
Because the truth is there are legions of men who would benefit from belonging to something focused on the mutual benefit of everyone involved. Seriously.
(00:00:00) - Intro, and five traits to look for in the men you want for your group
(00:07:58) - Where most guys go wrong: lack of leadership, clear roles, and overstructure
(00:09:42) - The right amount of structure, and consequences of too much victimhood and not enough accountability
(00:12:31) - What are some of the core ingredients of a powerful men’s group? Number 1: some like-mindedness
(00:13:54) - A clear purpose, and clear rules of engagement
(00:17:04) - A culture of calling one another forward, and strong moderation
(00:19:48) - Willingness to say (and hear) hard stuff, transparency, and confronting the uncomfortable
(00:22:02) - An example meeting structure that works
(00:26:42) - The Hot Seat and how to use it, and a closing ritual
(00:30:14) - Be flexible to red alerts, and final thoughts on structure
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: culture, parenting, psychology, lying
Parenting has never been easy, but our modern culture adds a few extra layers of challenge and questions. Fortunately (and sometimes unfortunately, as you might have found out), there's a mountain of info online. This week, I sat down with the brilliant Dr. Aliza Pressman to dig into what works, what doesn't, what parents are facing these days, and how to sift through it all. Lots of great info here for anyone who's got kids or who's thinking about it. Seriously.
(00:00:00) - What kind of landscape are parents in now, and what do you think they’ll face in the future?
(00:11:15) - How do parents prep their kids for the onslaught that is social media?
(00:14:43) - Defining executive function, and how to build an environment that helps cultivate it
(00:25:03) - How do you help your kid develop good impulse control?
(00:32:09) - The early stages of development: what’s going on?
(00:37:56) - On learning how to manage discomfort, create safety, and the importance of roughhousing
(00:53:03) - What does effective discipline look like for children?
(01:01:00) - How to handle lying
Dr. Aliza Pressman is a developmental psychologist with nearly two decades of experience working with families and the health care providers who care for them. She is the author of the New York Times bestselling book THE 5 PRINCIPLES OF PARENTING: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans, and the host of the award-winning podcast Raising Good Humans.
Aliza is the co-founding director of The Mount Sinai Parenting Center and is an assistant clinical professor at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai Hospital. She holds degrees from Dartmouth College, Teacher’s College, and Columbia University. Aliza is the mother of two teenagers.
Connect with Aliza
-Website: https://draliza.com/
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggoodhumanspodcast/
-Book: https://amzn.to/3TNDhZ0
-Podcast: Raising Good Humans: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/raising-good-humans
-Substack: https://dralizapressman.substack.com/
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: attachment, psychology, mindset, relationships
Alright team, this is one of the biggest guides yet! There were a TON of requests to cover this one, so I happily obliged. This attachment style is also called "disorganized attachment", and I've worked with a ton of men who have it. So let's dig in on what fearful-avoidant attachment is, how it affects relationships, and how to move back towards something more secure, authentic, and thriving with easy, deliberate steps.
(00:00:00) - Intro and defining fearful-avoidant attachment, and how conflicting it can feel
(00:08:20) - Where this attachment style starts, and what makes it different from anxious and avoidant
(00:13:19) - What does fearful-avoidant look like in a relationship?
(00:15:38) - What builds a fearful-avoidant style? Neglect and/or inconsistency
(00:23:33) - One of the most important (and unspoken) needs of a child
(00:28:19) - Parentification, one of the most common causes of fearful-avoidant attachment
(00:33:37) - More on what this looks like in a relationship: control, distrust,
(00:35:57) - Wanting closeness but fearing closeness, difficulty regulating emotions, and negativity
(00:38:24) - On being disappointed by others, protection from rejection, and concentration
(00:40:02) - The big one: inability to self-soothe
(00:41:40) - So what do we do? Two BIG steps
(00:45:24) - On how to self-regulate/self-soothe, and starting with the breath
(00:50:20) - Find someone to help you work with your hypervigilance
(00:53:07) - Develop consistent connection with your partner (or with friends). Here’s how
(00:56:53) - Build trust. Slowly. Over time
(00:59:46) - Set boundaries with the fear-based thoughts in your head
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: purpose, initiation, adversity, grief, culture
It isn't always easy to find a sense of purpose or meaning in life, never mind feeling initiated into maturity. In these chaotic times, it gets even harder. This is a special compilation episode featuring four masters of finding humanity, clarity, and meaning in life. Their combined efforts have helped legions of people get a better handle on life and all of its twists and turns. Two of them are people I revere as elders, and three work with men and purpose on a regular basis. Featuring ideas from...
-Lion tracker, coach, and storyteller Boyd Varty: https://boydvarty.com/
-Depth psychologist Francis Weller: https://www.francisweller.net/
-Culture activist Stephen Jenkinson (unreleased material!): https://orphanwisdom.com/
-Writer, teacher, and coach Rainier Wylde: https://www.rainierwylde.com/
-Purpose guide Tim Corcoran: https://www.purposemountain.com/
(00:00:00) - Boyd Varty on the role initiation plays in a man’s life—and what happens without it
(00:16:20) - Francis Weller on why we need to (but can’t seem to) handle the unknown, failure, and grief
(00:25:45) - Why the soul needs failure to find meaning, and how Francis runs grief workshops
(00:30:35) - Given our current times, what does it mean to be a “generative ancestor”?
(00:33:05) - Stephen Jenkinson on what defines and gives meaning to your humanity
(00:39:47) - Rainier Wylde on how to find a sense of purpose in chaotic times
(00:55:27) - Tim Corcoran on how to practically define purpose, and what’s often in the way
(01:05:29) - Where does the “soul” fit into all of this?
***
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Talking points: psychology, mindset, self-talk
This is one of THE things that blocks men from all kinds of growth and progress. An internal dialogue that is harsh, abusive, shaming, even cruel. Let's change that, shall we?
If you or someone you know is constantly deprecating or talking negatively towards themselves, strongly encourage you to share this one. It's important.
(00:00:00) - Intro, how prevalent a harsh inner critic is, and how nasty mine was
(00:06:56)- Where does an inner critic come from, and how is it formed?
(00:11:13) - Neglect and abandonment
(00:15:52) - Trauma as an origin for a harsh inner critic
(00:16:57) - “Dark motivation” and it’s useful but maladaptive power
(00:23:15) - It damages your ability to appreciate or validate yourself
(00:24:45) - What to do, what NOT to do, and questions you can use to find your inner critic’s origin
(00:28:09) - Figure out what it wants
(00:29:51) - Set some boundaries
(00:31:34) - Repurpose the loyal soldier
(00:34:31) - Build a relationship with this part of you
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
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Talking points: parenting, children, attachment, psychology
You may have heard me mention Duey before. He co-facilitates the ManTalks Men's Weekends with me, and his work is absolutely incredible. I was thrilled to sit down with him last week, just before our sojourn to Texas. We dive into all things attachment. How children and adults experience it, when it starts forming, and how my own son has taught me some incredible lessons on it. Also, listen in for Thunderbutt. No, I'm not kidding.
(00:00:00) - Intro and Duey’s take on why real elders don’t seek power
(00:10:08) - How do we begin to truly understand our partner?
(00:15:49) - On the importance of curiosity and not assuming you know someone—especially your partner
(00:21:28) - What are the building blocks of really healthy attachment?
(00:30:52) - Attachment is somatic, and how children are inherently, incredibly sensitive
(00:45:27) - What “interrupts” attachment?
Duey Freeman, MA, LPC is co-founder of the Gestalt Equine Institute of the Rockies, director of the Gestalt Institute of the Rockies, and owner of his psychotherapy private practice. After teaching for 24 years at Naropa University he has decided to move in a more creative direction. Most recently, in collaboration with Kimberly Beck M Ed, he has created: The Coming Home Project and Relational Rewilding Retreats.
A licensed psychotherapist, teacher, and consultant, Duey has extensive training and experience in gestalt therapy, equine therapy, family therapy, bioenergetics, and counseling with children and adolescents. Duey joined Naropa in 1992 and has been extensively involved in the creation of the Gestalt, Human Development, and Family Systems programs. He has helped to develop the Equine section of the Wilderness Therapy certification and degree. He taught for the University of Northern Colorado, traveling across Colorado teaching and working with schools systems supporting teachers to better understand and work with the children they teach.
Throughout the year, Duey partners with professional therapists and skilled horsemen and women worldwide to provide psychotherapy, Gestalt Equine Psychotherapy, parenting and human development workshops, and Relational Horsemanship classes. Some of Duey's partners include Joan Rieger, Duane Mullner, Erika Friess, Megan Powers, Rosemary Wyndham-Jones, Rob Pliskin, Kristi Moon, Kimberly Beck, and Amy and Steve LeSatz.
***
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Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
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Talking points: mindset, psychology, the shadow
If you've been following the show for a while, you'll know I'm a big Jung fan. You also don't have dive too deep into his work to find game-changing ideas of his. Here are 3 short yet sublime ideas of Jung's that you can reflect on—and maybe even execute on—pretty much right away.
(00:00:00) - Intro
(00:01:46) - “Who looks inside, dreams. Who looks outside, awakens.”
(00:06:00) - “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
(00:10:12) - “Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: AI, porn, relationships, conflict
Yowza. So grateful for Matthia's thoughtful and nuanced ideas on everything from artificial intelligence to therapy-speak to anger and approaching relationships. We go from the esoteric to the practical and back again, so listen in team. This is a great one to share with a partner.
(00:00:00) - Intro, Matthia’s adventures with AI, and how it's already shifting culture
(00:16:42) - When AI does things TOO well
(00:20:32 ) - How AI will impact intimate relationships and the porn industry
(00:30:37) - What do AI and AI porn mean for the next generation, and how they’ll be impacted
(00:35:17) - How technology always has unintended consequences
(00:43:05) - Why does everyone seem like a narcissist according to online commentary?
(00:50:40) - On villain/powerlessness dynamics, and mature anger, and how trauma therapy is like a software update
(00:58:20) - How couples can end cycling or repeat conflicts
(01:05:55) - Mathia’s non-negotiables for lasting intimacy and deep relationship
Matthias is a psychotherapist and the CEO and co-founder of the Trauma Institute with Dr. Frank Anderson, providing clinical training for psychotherapists and education for the general public on healing from trauma. He is widely recognized for his unique approach to making mental health knowledge and skills accessible to the wider public. Through platforms like Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and his top-ranking Spotify podcast, Matthias delivers psychoeducational content to a following of over 3 million people. Barker's innovative blend of engaging content and relevant mental health advice has fostered a vibrant online community centered on healing, personal growth, and moving toward what’s meaningful despite hardship.
Connect with Matthias
-Website: https://matthiasjbarker.com/
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/matthiasjbarker/
-YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCim71w-GtC46Vr48RbowBSw
***
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Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
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Talking points: mindset, emotions, habits, burnout
Ever get the feeling you...don't feel anything? Yeah, me too. This is something that affects just about everyone at some point in their lives, and it contributes to overuse of all kinds of coping mechanisms. Here's what numbing out is, where it comes from, and a five-step method on how to get out of it.
(00:00:00) - Intro and the biggest misconceptions around numbing out
(00:05:26)- Don’t see numbness as a villain, and some numbness “caveats”
(00:09:29) - What causes us to numb out? How is it a learned response?
(00:14:55) - What we need to know before we stop numbing out
(00:17:22) - The first step: what are you using to numb out?
(00:18:36) - Create a plan, and why you shouldn’t expect cold turkey to go well
(00:21:42) - If you have trauma, there’s a caveat
(00:23:32) - Numbness is itself an experience
(00:25:17) - Use your breath to reconnect to your body. Here’s why
(00:31:03) - Look for sensation
(00:33:45) - Final step: letting the sensations have a voice
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok
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Talking points: stoicism, mindset, philosophy, parenting
Brian proves that Stoicism is anything but unenthusiastic. We cover so much ground here, and Brian's passion and joy for what he does is inspiring. If you're looking for clearcut ideas on how to craft a self and a life that you're proud of, this is the episode to listen to—and share with your friends!
(00:00:00) - Intro and Brian’s defining moment
(00:06:50) - What is areté?
(00:09:02) - Why has there been a resurgence of stoicism?
(00:14:42) - Brian on how to parent when things are floundering, and how stoicism tackles fear and laziness
(00:21:24) - How does Brain raise his own son in an increasingly chaotic world?
(00:28:47) - What are some challenges young boys face today that are unequivocally different than before?
(00:39:11) - How does someone use Stoic principles to build more discipline with things turning to punishment?
(00:45:56) - “So…do I just have to go through the suck then?”
(00:51:54) - The science of hope
(01:00:27) - What is “targeted thinking”?
(01:03:40) - The practicals of antifragile confidence
(01:12:05) - How do you develop your own protocols for building your own antifragile confidence?
Brian Johnson is the Founder & CEO of Heroic Public Benefit Corporation. He’s 50% Philosopher + 50% CEO and 101% committed to helping create a world in which 51% of humanity is flourishing by the year 2051. As a Founder/CEO he’s raised $25M+, made crowdfunding history, and built and sold two social platforms. As a Philosopher/teacher, he’s helped millions of people from around the world, trained 10,000+ Heroic Coaches from 100+ countries and created a protocol that science says changes lives. He lives in the country outside Austin, Texas, with his wife, Alexandra, and their two kids, Emerson and Eleanor.
Connect with Brian
-Website: https://www.heroic.us/arete
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heroicbrian/
-YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRhEwzsFYLGcMa4m2AbTAoA
-Heroic App, iOS: https://apple.co/4c7uUQk, Android: https://bit.ly/3VcaKi2
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok
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Talking points: coaching, therapy, masculinity, mental health
Eyebrow-raising title aside, I know from personal experience it can be wildly difficult for coaches and therapists who work with men to make actual progress. But! There are clearcut reasons for this, and there are clearcut things you can do.
So if you're a coach or therapist who wants a better experience for both you AND the guy in your chair, listen in. If you're not one of those, then use this as a guide to help you find a coach that's right for you!
(00:00:00) - Intro
(00:01:50)- Therapists tend to work with men the same way they’d word with women
(00:04:00) - The major reasons coaches/therapists struggle to get results
(00:09:42) - So how do you actually get results? And why rapport is so important
(00:11:38) - Get him out of his head and into his body
(00:16:05) - Develop the skills to truly be with his intensity
(00:20:54) - Identify where he feels he lacks competency—and build a plan
(00:22:50) - Learn to work with a man’s resistance, and repurpose his inner critic
(00:25:04) - Learn how (and when) to confront him on his BS
(00:25:58) - Be a friend
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok
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