Afleveringen
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Hi— It’s Micah from Modern Hysteria, podcast and newsletter revealing the taboos of women’s brains and bodies. This episode is about how medical gaslighting — especially in fertility and pregnancy care — silences women, and why Black women face the highest in a system never built to protect them.
Subscribe and listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify
Raise your hand if you have been personally victimized by oral birth control 👋
… or had side effects from a medication that were worse than the condition it was supposed to treat. 👋
… or if you felt like you were talked down to or dismissed by a healthcare provider when you complained about medication or its side effects 👋
… or if you just stopped asking questions in a medical appointment because you felt annoying or bothersome, even though you had concerns 👋
… or if you have taken a medication — appropriately prescribed or not — that has altered the course of your life 👋
If your hand is raised, this episode is for you.
The Taboo
Even smart, educated women — even medical professionals — can be ignored by their own doctors, especially during fertility and pregnancy care.
Because our stress and sex hormones are deeply connected, reproductive care often overlaps with mental health care. But when women — especially Black women — speak up, we’re often seen as dramatic instead of being believed.
It’s taboo to talk about how common this is and how dangerous it can be. But during Black Maternal Health Week, we need to say it clearly:
Misogyny and racism are alive in healthcare.And they put women’s lives at risk — especially Black women’s.
According to the Johns Hopkins Center for Communication Programs:
This crisis is driven by unconscious bias in the medical system and its actors. In a 2016 survey of white medical students, nearly half held false beliefs about biological differences in Black patients, including thicker skin and less sensitive nerve endings.
Another 2020 study found that Black babies are more likely to live if they are cared for by a Black physician. Recently, the CDC declared racism a public health threat. The maternal mortality crisis in the United States emphasizes the truth behind this declaration: It is racism, not race, that is killing America’s Black mothers and babies.
This week’s guest, Dr. Cyntia Brown, talks about why she helps women understand the meds they’re given, especially when they’re trying to get pregnant.
But here’s the thing: This type of advocacy shouldn’t be a privilege. It should be part of humane health care.
Because being treated like a “silly little girl” for speaking out about pain and discomfort — or side effects of medications — isn’t just insulting.
It can be deadly.
The Guest Expert
Cyntia Onuoha-Brown is a doctor of pharmacy and clinical pharmacologist working in the women’s health sector helping women feel empowered and capable of healing at her concierge practice, Kopela Health.
Links and resources:
* 📱 Her Instagram: dr.cyntia.obrown
* 🗂️ Her business: Kopela Health
* 🗓️ Book a consult with Dr. Brown
* 🛒 Shop her favorite products
* 💊 Her favorite prenatal vitamin
* ⏲️ Her recommended ovulation tracker: Inito Fertility Monitor
Key Takeaways
* Medical credentials don’t protect patients from dismissal.Even with a doctorate in pharmacy, Cyntia was ignored and minimized, especially in her pregnancy care (and, as we will learn in Part 2 (S1E20), in her mental health care, too).
* Systemic racism and misogyny are baked into medicine.Black women face barriers to quality care not because of race, but because of racism.
* Advocacy is often the only safeguard.The system isn’t built to protect women’s voices. We need providers like Cyntia to help us interpret and question our care.
Time Stamps
* 04:52 – Integrative fertility
* 05:42 – Aside on estrogen, body fat, and fibroids
* 07:04 – Expensive birth control
* 14:01 – Medical gaslighting, dismissal, and self doubt
* 21:54 – Progesterone mini-pill and mood instability
* 28:34 – Racial disparities in PCOS and endometriosis diagnoses
* 30:39 – How Cyntia helps women interpret labs and advocate for themselves
* 32:04 – Restoring the human touch in healthcare
Listener Action Items
* ✅ Ask hard questions. If something feels off, ask questions or for a second opinion (did you know you can ask for your provider’s clinical notes?) even if it feels uncomfortable.
* ✅ Get a second opinion. Especially when you’re being prescribed medications you don’t understand and you’re having side effects. It’s okay to switch providers, too.
* ✅ Know what you're taking. Learn what medications are meant to do, and what they might also be doing as side effects.
* ✅ Talk about it. Share this episode to raise awareness and reduce the shame around medical gaslighting.
That’s it for Part 1 of this conversation with Dr. Cyntia Brown. Next week, look out for Part 2 (S1E20), where we dive deeper into
* how fertility meds, hormonal contraceptives, and mental health intersect — especially for women with PMDD, endo, or a history of trauma
* break down how drugs like progesterone can both help and harm
* the ethics of pharmaceutical care,
* why informed consent in women’s health is often missing
If you've ever wondered “Why didn’t anyone tell me this?” — next week’s episode is for you.
Does this resonate? Tell me in the comments; I read every single one!
Upcoming episodes of Modern Hysteria:
* S1E21 Painful Sex with Rachel Gelman, DPT
* S1E22 Menopause x Body Image with Menopause & Misogyny
* S1E23 Pleasure x Orgasm x The Clitoris with Cindy Scharkey, RN
* S1E24 Disorganized Attachment x Relationships with Grace Bithell
* S1E25 Vulvas x Vaginas x What’s Normal? with Carla Carpenter, MD
* S1E26 ADHD x Motherhood with Avery Wasmanski
You can subscribe and listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify ☺️
K, that’s it for this episode.
Talk soon,
Micah
P.S. I made you this silly quiz to find out which feminist banned book you are 🙃 …. wanna find out?
Which Banned Feminist Book Are You?
Other episodes you might like:
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Have you ever been six months pregnant, doing your very best to hold your pee, crying hysterically, and been told to “CALM DOWN!!!?”
That advice — to “just relax” — is not helpful, especially when you’re pregnant, your body’s going through changes, and you’re worried the stress will impact your baby. And maybe even less so when you’re pregnant after a pregnancy loss or complication.
In this episode, Parijat Deshpande explains how the “body keeps the score” in pregnancy and what we can do about it.
Links + Resources
* 🆓 Stress Solutions Quiz
* 🌈 Follow Parijat @theruvelle on Instagram
* 💻 Ruvelle — revolutionizing your high-risk pregnancy
* ✍🏻 The Body Language Journal
* 📘 The Pregnancy Brain book
The Guest Expert
Parijat Deshpande is the founder of Ruvelle, the only truly trauma-informed company specifically dedicated to improving high-risk pregnancy outcomes, reducing preterm birth, and supporting parents to pass on generational health.
On a mission to end the high-risk pregnancy crisis, she has served and supported thousands of clients through her live events, virtual courses, one-on-one consulting, her bestselling book, Pregnancy Brain: A Mind-Body Approach to Stress Management During a High-Risk Pregnancy, and the Body Language Journal.
Learn more here.
Key Takeaways
1. Stress isn’t just in your head—it’s in your whole body.
Pregnancy stress affects your brain, nervous system, hormones, and immune system. It’s not something you can just “think away.” That’s why advice like “just relax” doesn’t work, and can even make you feel worse.
2. Your past pregnancy experiences may linger within body, and healing is possible.
If you’ve had a loss, traumatic birth, etc., your body might still be holding onto that stress. You’re not broken, and you didn’t do anything wrong. Somatic healing (body-based work) can help you process it and support your body before, during, or after pregnancy.
Time Stamps
* 7:58: The gaps in care for pregnant people dealing with trauma and chronic stress.
* 17:07: Why 'just relax' doesn’t work for pregnant people under stress
* 23:36: How chronic stress affects pregnancy via the nervous, endocrine, and immune systems
* 29:18: Somatic memories
* 34:20: Completing ‘stress cycles’
* 49:17: How the body and brain change during pregnancy and postpartum
P.S. It’s National Library Week this week — I made you this silly quiz to find out which feminist banned book you are 🙃
Which Banned Feminist Book Are You?
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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If you’ve ever felt like your body was “wrong,” worried way too much about how you look, or spent time poking or prodding your body in front of the mirror, this episode is for you.
We’re talking about body dysmorphia — what it is, how it shows up, and how we can work through it.
I ask physical therapist Dr. Laura Glazebrook how shame, social media, and toxic positivity affect the way we see ourselves, and how things like therapy, movement, gratitude — and neuroplasticity — can help us reconnect with our bodies and feel more at peace.
The Taboo
Lots of people struggle with body image or body dysmorphia, but it’s still hard to talk about. We’re often told to “just be confident” or “be grateful,” which can make us feel ashamed for having real, painful thoughts about how we look. This episode breaks the silence around struggling with your body, and how it doesn’t make you vain, broken, or alone; it makes you human.
Time Stamps
* 13:06 – What is body dysmorphia, and where does it come from?
* 19:52 – Dr. Laura shares grounding practices through sensory experience
* 26:39 – Neuroplasticity and brain patterns in BDD
* 31:30 – Gratitude vs. toxic positivity
* 46:52 – Adolescence, incels, and cultural influences
* 56:25 – How to support loved ones with BDD or become more resilience re: body image
Links + Resources
* 🆓 Pelvic Floor Self-Assessment Guide
* Follow Laura on Instagram at @laura.g.dpt
* Laura’s website
* Adolescence trailer
* Bodies Are Cool children’s book
The Guest Expert
Dr. Laura Glazebrook earned her Doctorate in Physical Therapy from University of North Georgia, then spent ten years specializing in neurological injuries. She specialized training to evaluate and treat a variety of pelvic health concerns for all genders and ages, as well as complex spinal conditions including scoliosis and kyphosis.
Laura is also an adult living with severe scoliosis and spinal fusion, and after her two pregnancies and childbirth experiences she became passionate about providing more resources for women during life-altering transformational seasons like pregnancy, postpartum.
* 📍 Atlanta, GA, USA
* 🏥 Treats adolescents and adults with scoliosis, kyphosis and pelvic health concerns, and also coaches women around the world virtually through her website
“I’ve lived a lifetime of feeling traumatized and unable to live within my body. I’ve worked my way through crippling body dysmorphia and feeling othered because of the way my body looks (and how others perceive it).
“As I get closer to middle age I realize that our inner knowing and resilience is extraordinary and I’m on board for any endeavor that can reassure another human that they are unbelievable and worthy of all the good things they can imagine.”
— Laura Glazebrook, DPT
Key Takeaways
* Body dysmorphia can make us see ourselves in ways that aren’t real.It can cause us to fixate on flaws, avoid mirrors or social situations, and even obsess over how we look, sometimes so much that it affects daily life. But it’s more common than we think and not something to be ashamed of.
* Our brains can change, which means healing is possible. ✨ We can build new thought patterns over time (thanks, neuroplasticity!) with therapy, mindfulness, and gratitude, so we can feel more at home in our bodies.
* Social media and toxic beauty standards fuel body image issues.Curating what we consume — like following body-diverse creators and limiting filters — can protect our mental health. And using gentle, neutral language about our bodies can be powerful!
That’s it for this week’s episode!
Did this resonate with you? Tell me in the comments; I read every single one!
Coming up on Modern Hysteria:
* Pregnancy brain
* Menopause x misogyny x body image
* Pleasure x orgasm
* Vulvovaginal disease (what’s normal?!)
* Painful sex
* Disorganized attachment
Subscribe here on Substack to get new episodes right to your inbox, or listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify
P.S. Are we connected on Instagram yet?
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WELCOME TO PINKPILLED. These mini-sodes expose how patriarchy and medical misogyny affect our brains and bodies.
In honor of Endometriosis Awareness Month, we’re starting off with endometriosis, a little-understood and shockingly-common chronic illness. 🩸
What is endometriosis?
Endometriosis — or “endo” — is chronic illness that can affect women and people assigned female at birth from their first period to the end of their lives. It happens when tissue that’s similar to the lining of the uterus grows outside the uterus, like on:
* ovaries and fallopian tubes
* bladder and bowel
* stomach lining
* lungs and other organs
Endometriosis affects 1 in 10 women and people assigned female at birth (more than diabetes or asthma!), yet SO FEW OF THEM have even heard of it.
Why is endometriosis so bad?
When your body goes through a menstrual cycle wherein hormones tell the lining of your uterus to grow. If you don’t get pregnant, your body sheds that lining. That’s your period.
But with endometriosis, the tissue outside your uterus also reacts to those hormones, gets thick, breaks down, and bleeds. But that blood outside the uterus has no way to leave your body. It stays trapped inside, causing:
* swelling
* lesions
* scar tissue
* adhesions (when your tissues stick together)
The symptoms can get so severe they are estimated to cost the US economy somewhere between $22 and $80 billion annually in direct medical costs and lost wages.
What does endometriosis feel like?
Endometriosis symptoms can vary, but many people feel:
* bad cramps that don’t go away with painkillers
* pain during or after sex
* pain when peeing or pooping
* fatigue
* bloating (sometimes called “endo belly”)
* infertility
According to the World Economic Forum, endometriosis may be responsible for up to 50% of unexplained infertility.
How is endometriosis diagnosed?
Right now, the only way to if you have endometriosis is to have a surgery called an exploratory laparoscopy (or “ex lap”), where a doctor looks inside your belly with a camera.
That means a lot of people live for years without getting the right diagnosis — especially teens and women of color, who are more likely to be told their pain is “normal.”
The difficulties with diagnosis are one of the most insidious effects of endo. It’s common, but individuals often see an average of eight doctors over 10 years before getting the correct diagnosis. It takes an average of somewhere between 5 and 12 years of symptoms before patients get the help they need.
And in that time, you can be told you’re overreacting, “just stressed,” or that it’s all in your head. This is medical misogyny in action.
What’s the treatment for endometriosis?
There is no cure for endometriosis.
Some patients are put on birth control pills. Others have ablation surgery, in which the affected areas are burned and cauterized. Still others have excision surgery where the endometriomas and lesions are cut away. Both of these procedures have a tendency to leave behind affected tissue, so symptoms often recur.
Hormonal treatments and pain meds are Band-Aids for this whole-body disease.
Why haven’t you heard more about endometriosis?
Answer: Medical misogyny in action.
Our medical system — and medical education, even for OBgyns — doesn’t always take women’s pain seriously. Women’s reproductive pain tends to be pathologized and attributed to psych issues.
Meanwhile, according to the WHO, approximately 10% of reproductive-age women and girls (and people AFAB) worldwide are affected by endometriosis. This equates to around 190 million people.
Still, endometriosis research is severely underfunded. In 2022, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) allocated $27 million to endometriosis research. This averages out to about $2 per patient. In contrast, diabetes, which is comparably prevalent, received $50/patient in funding.
Medical misogyny — the systemic dismissal, devaluation, and underfunding of women’s health concerns — is baked into nearly every part of how endometriosis is researched, treated, and diagnosed.
Please comment, rate, and review this podcast, or share it to help make sure it reaches the people who need it most!
Source Material
WHO endometriosis
Rescripted: Endometriosis
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Most of us hold a deeply-entrenched belief that women’s value rests on our appearances. Specifically, how well we adhere to a very narrow and problematic standard of beauty: thin, white, feminine, and ageless.
It’s an impossible standard, and one that we carry with us both consciously and subconsciously. It motivates us to spend, globally, 73 billion USD every year on “anti-aging” (projected to hit 140.9 billion by 2034), of which North America alone spends $29.2 billion.
This episode is about how this pressure to stay young forever shapes our beliefs and habits around exercise, and what we can do if:
* you’re feeling the shift in your body as you age to more fatigue, stiffness, and slower recovery
* you’ve been sold the anti-aging lie and are exhausted by the pressure to stay small, toned, and ageless
* you want better; a relationship with exercise that focuses on joy, strength, and ability ✨
The Taboo
Women are taught to treat aging like a failure. That if our bodies get softer, slower, or need more rest, we’re doing something wrong. That we should fight aging tool-and-nail with workouts, diets, Botox, or willpower.
This episode challenges all of that.
We’re saying:
* Aging isn’t a flaw.
* Rest isn’t laziness.
* Movement isn’t just about looking young; it's about feeling strong and free, now and later.
We’re not here to anti-age. We’re here to train for the life we actually want in our 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond.
Links + Resources
* Bamboo Bodies ™️
* 🆓 Neuro Warm-Up Video
* Angi’s blog
The Guest Expert
You met Angi McClure in S1E1, when she shared why she’s not anti-aging but pro-aging.
Angi is a neuro-based movement therapist specializing in age science. She uses functional Chinese medicine through movement (Qigong), nutrition and seasonal lifestyle habits through her movement program called Bamboo Bodies™, a movement system based on the seasons and applied neurology.
Key Takeaways
* Train for what you want to do later, not just how you look now. Movement should help you play, explore, and stay strong as you age, not punish your body into shrinking.
* Recovery isn’t optional, it’s training. Rest, stillness, and nervous system care are just as important as strength and cardio. Especially in perimenopause, menopause, and post-menopausal women.
* You’re not broken, and aging is not a failure. Your body is shifting, not falling apart. And there’s power in working with those changes, not against them.
Timestamps
* 04:05 — Why we need to stop exercising for looks and start training for function
* 08:07 — Aging as “seasons”
* 10:36 — Resiliency redefined: bouncing back without wasting resources
* 14:08 — What movement women need in their 30s, 40s, 50s (and why it changes)
* 23:14 — Angi’s movement checklist: nervous system, vision, balance, strength
* 34:12 — Build a movement plan based on what your brain is thirsty for
* 37:21 — Why women must train for the “internal winter” with intention
* 44:35 — Stillness is a skill; rest isn’t weakness, it’s training
* 50:08 — Pro-aging is a radical act in a culture obsessed with staying young
* 58:38 — Final takeaways + 4 simple action steps to age well, with power
Here’s what’s coming up on Modern Hysteria:
* Menopause x body image with Menopause & Misogyny
* Body dysmorphia x resilience with Dr. Laura Glazebrook
* Pregnancy brain with Parijat Deshpande
* A new series of mini-sodes I’m calling “Pink-Pilled”
… I can’t wait to share more!
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Fertility is about more than just an egg count or a sperm sample. It’s a whole-body process. And we often overlook one basic question when trying to conceive (TTC): Are you giving your body the things it needs to thrive outside of your fertility?
In this episode, fertility nutritionist Neema Savvides breaks down how nutrition and other commonly-overlooked health factors impact fertility, why diet culture complicates fertility advice, and what you can do to take control of your reproductive health (instead of feeling at the mercy of your lab results). We discuss:
* What “unexplained infertility” really means
* Why IVF is not a fail-safe or magic fix
* How diet culture has infiltrated our understanding of fertility nutrition
* How underlying conditions like nutrient deficiency, restrictive dieting, and thyroid issues can impact fertility (and can be managed)
The Taboo
Fertility struggles and TTC are deeply personal, and using interventions like IVF (in vitro fertilization) and IUI (intrauterine insemination) require us to put a lot of trust in clinicians and the fertility industry. But what if you’re diagnosed with “unexplained infertility,” and the imperfect system that’s supposed to help you get pregnant is also somewhat to blame?
This episode challenges the unspoken truth that fertility clinics are businesses and sometimes prioritize efficiency — and, potentially, profit — over comprehensive testing or whole-body health, while there are things you can do before or during intervention to support your body and improve chances of success.
The Guest Expert
Neema Savvides is a fertility nutritionist with over twelve years of clinical experience. She specializes in treating clients with PCOS, endometriosis, and using IVF.
* 📱 neemasavvides_fertility
* 🍓 5-Day Habit Challenge: Reset and Reboot
Links + Resources
Key Takeaways
* What we call “unexplained infertility” is often un-investigated infertility. Many fertility clinics skip addressing thyroid health, inflammation, and nutrient levels, which could explain why conception isn’t happening.
* Fertility nutrition is really about nutrient adequacy, not restriction. Diet culture often pushes “clean eating,” but eating enough and focusing on key nutrients (rather than eliminating foods) is recommended.
* IVF is not a guarantee of pregnancy, and prepping your body matters, because interventions like IVF and IUI don’t fix poor egg or sperm quality. Optimizing your nutrition, reducing inflammation, and getting the right tests before starting treatment can improve success rates.
Time Stamps:
* 04:31 | The reality of “unexplained infertility” (and why it’s often more un-investigated than unexplained)
* 07:16 | What fertility clinics may not test for, but should
* 14:51 | How diet culture warps our ideas about fertility nutrition
* 18:31 | Key tests for understanding your fertility
* 22:01 | The truth about IVF success rates and what most people don’t know before starting treatment
* 25:41 | How nutrition really affects fertility; what to focus on (without food fear)
* 30:01 | “Toxins” and fertility
* 34:16 | Managing the emotional side of fertility struggles
* 38:31 | Action items ✅
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⚠️ Content warning: This episode contains descriptions of abuse and intimate partner violence
This week, we’re talking about the protective effect of our gal pals on our health, our wellness, and our ability to survive and escape toxic relationships with crisis counselor, coach, author, and podcaster Stephanie McPhail.
We ask and answer: Why do we stay in the cycle of unhealthy romantic relationships, and how can our friendships help us break away?
In this episode:
* The role of social support in our longevity and happiness
* What to do if you’re losing a loved one to a toxic relationship
* How our *girlfriends* can be an escape route from these bad relationships
* How to take steps to make solid friendships
The Taboo
It’s extremely uncomfortable to tell a friend that their partner is potentially bad for them. We’re taught to mind our own business when it comes to other peoples’ relationships, even when we see clear red flags.
The Guest
Stephanie McPhail authored the book Being Love Shouldn’t Hurt and hosts the podcast Toxic Love.
✍🏻 Stephanie’s blog
🆓 6 Steps to Recognize + Overcome Toxic Relationships
Time Stamps
03:45 – Guest Introduction: Stephanie McPhail
05:35 – Why women ghost their friends in toxic relationships
09:11 – The Harvard research on relationships and longevity
12:46 – Isolation in toxic relationships
13:41 – Aside: Gaslighting
17:31 – Aside: Trauma Bonding
19:26 – Red flags of a toxic relationship
22:16 – How to support a friend in a toxic relationship
26:26 – Toxic vs. abusive relationships (and the gray area)
40:40 – How to reconnect after ghosting friends
51:55 – What’s in your bag?
Action Items
If you feel you are in a toxic relationship:
Listen to the whisper in your head (your gut knows)
Start reconnecting with one friend today, even if it’s just sending one simple text (“Sorry I’ve been distant; I’d love to reconnect”)
Seek external support (like a therapist or women’s group)
If your friend is in a toxic relationship:
Keep the door open ("You are always welcome, but your partner is not”)
Check in regularly (even when they pull away)
Offer a safe exit plan ("If you ever need a place to stay, my door is open.")
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This week we’re talking about one embarrassing and annoying — and common but NOT NORMAL — side effect of childbirth: Peeing in your pants.
In this episode, sports scientist and semi-pro athlete Patricia Siegel walks us through:
* ⚠️ pelvic floor dysfunction
* 🏆 her battle with urinary incontinence as a mom and runner
The Taboo
PEEING YOUR PANTS IS EMBARRASSING. Or, at least, that’s the stigma we carry with us, which is wild because urinary incontinence and pelvic floor dysfunction are so common.
Pelvic floor dysfunction is when the muscles in your pelvic floor — which support your bladder, uterus, and rectum and help control peeing, pooping, and even sex — aren’t working the way they should.
There are two common — and opposing — forms of pelvic floor dysfunction that can cause urinary incontinence, and both are treatable:
* Weak pelvic floor muscles. Your muscles don’t contract like they should.
* Too-tight (hypertonic) pelvic floor muscles. Your muscles are constantly rigid and don’t have enough “give” to control your bladder correctly.
Links + Resources
* Patricia in Strong Fitness Magazine
* Trader Joe’s Jojoba Lemongrass Almond Oil
The Guest
* Follow Patricia — @thefitpelvicfloor — on Instagram here
* Patricia’s website
* Patricia in print
Key Takeaways
✅ Peeing yourself is common but NOT normal.
Bladder leaks after childbirth, menopause, or high-impact exercise are not something you just have to live with.
Incontinence is a sign of pelvic floor dysfunction and can be treated at any age.
✅ Kegels are not always the answer.
Some women have muscles that are too tight, and kegels can make symptoms worse.
If you have pain during sex, trouble emptying your bladder, or pelvic tension, you may need relaxation, not just strengthening.
→ Look out for an upcoming podcast episode on painful sex with pelvic therapist Rachel Gelman!
✅ You don’t have to stop exercising.
Running, walking, and strength training can support pelvic floor recovery. You don’t have to stop doing the things you love and that make you feel like you!
The key is knowing your symptoms, using the right kind of rehab, and making small adjustments to train your pelvic floor the right way.
Time Stamps
* 03:04 - What is the pelvic floor?
* 12:36 - Why normalizing pelvic floor dysfunction (PFD) can be harmful
* 16:03 - Sexual trauma and PFD
* 19:13 - C-sections versus vaginal birth and PFD
* 25:10 - Why kegels aren’t a fix-all
* 31:46 - Too weak or too tight? Your PFD checklist
Upcoming
* 💝 S1E13 Female Friendships x Escaping Toxic Relationships with Stephanie McPhail
* 🤬 S1E14 Mom Rage with Allison Staiger
* 💉 S1E15 IVF x Nutrition with Neema Savvides
Sources
Effect of the length of the second stage of labor on pelvic floor dysfunction
Prevalence and Normalization of Stress Urinary Incontinence in Female Strength Athletes
Sexual Abuse History and Pelvic Floor Disorders in Women
Pelvic Floor Muscle Problems Mediate Sexual Problems in Young Adult Rape Victims
Pelvic Healing After Sexual Assault
Pelvic Floor Muscle Training for Treatment of Urinary Incontinence in Women
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This week we’re talking about narcissistic abuse in the workplace.
In this episode, Sarene Leeds takes us back to her tenure at Rolling Stone and experiences with:
* ❤️🩹 narcissistic abuse, where a person — usually someone with narcissistic traits — manipulates, controls, and harms others
* 🕹️ coercive control, a pattern of behavior used to dominate and manipulate someone
* 😶🌫️ gaslighting, when someone makes you doubt your own memory, perception, or sanity
The Taboo
Narcissistic abuse can be subtle and hard to recognize, and it doesn’t leave. physical, visible scars, so, often, survivors feel confused, anxious, or like they have to “walk on eggshells."
There wasn’t much of a public discussion about emotional abuse or coercive control in the workplace when Sarene was at Rolling Stone, especially because it was before the rise of the #MeToo movement in 2017, which exposed workplace sexual assault and harassment. #MeToo led to more awareness of toxic work environments and made it easier for survivors to see each other.
Narcissistic abuse at work is still very much an issue shaded with doubt, skepticism, and bureaucracy.
Links + Resources
* 🎧 “Emotional Abuse Is Real” podcast
* 📰 Exclusive: Women staffers of Jann Wenner’s Rolling Stone get their turn to speak
* 🎧 Breaking Down the Nuances of Narcissistic Abuse with Sarah Jacobs, Esq., and Jamie Berger, Esq. (from Emotional Abuse Is Real)
The Guest
Sarene Leeds is a professional writer and podcaster with a master’s degree in professional writing from NYU. Back in 2014, she resigned from her dream job at Rolling Stone because she was being emotionally abused daily by her narcissistic boss. Nearly a decade later, she launched “Emotional Abuse Is Real,” a podcast dedicated to sharing the stories of her fellow emotional and narcissistic abuse survivors.
Sarene is now a contributing writer to women’s health and fertility website Rescripted.
* 📍 Location: New Jersey, USA
* 📱 @sareneleedswrites on Instagram
* 🆓 Discover Your Brand Voice
* ✍🏻 The Critical Communicator
Time Stamps
* 03:47: Defining narcissistic abuse
* 06:25: Gaslighting & coercive control in the workplace
* 14:05: Why narcissistic abuse is hard to prove
* 21:37: Aside: What are fireable offenses?
* 31:59: Why telling your story is powerful
* 46:50: Advice for survivors
Key Takeaways
* Narcissistic abuse thrives in the “gray area” of plausible deniability, which makes it hard to recognize and prove.
* Coercive control and gaslighting are ways narcissistic abusers erode someone’s confidence and reality (in the workplace or in other relationships).
* Being believed is often THE biggest hurdle for survivors, followed by the lack of institutional support.
* Journaling and storytelling can be healing ways to process your experiences with narcissistic abuse and put it in a narrative.
P.S. Are we connected on Instagram, yet?
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Trauma therapist Grace Bithell explains:
* 🧠 complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD), an oft-overlooked mental health condition that affects your self-image and relationships
* 🖤 reparenting yourself to heal from CPTSD (and “break the cycle”)
The sneaky thing about CPTSD is that the people who have it are often the last to believe it. Most people haven’t even heard of it.
I, too, brushed off my first PTSD diagnosis, thinking it was ludicrous: Veterans get PTSD, for fuck’s sake! I haven’t been in combat. 🙄
* PTSD typically develops after a single traumatic event or a series of traumatic events that are clearly identifiable.
* CPTSD (Complex PTSD) is caused by chronic, repeated trauma — often in childhood or long-term abuse.
Complex post-traumatic stress disorder is what Grace calls “the survivor’s illness.” I’ve also heard it called “the shame disorder.” It’s a set of learned survival mechanisms that helped you cope as a child but, in your adult life, can lead to:
* anxiety
* hyper-vigilance
* difficulty regulating emotions
* deep shame and poor self image
* trust issues
Links + Resources
* Grace and I both learned about CPTSD in this book by Stephanie Foo: Why My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma
* THE CPTSD book: Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by psychotherapist Pete Walker
* Grace’s blog about trauma, OCD, and CPTSD
The Guest
Grace Bithell is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in helping people who had “difficult parents.” She grew up in a fostering family which was her first exposure to complex childhood trauma and inspired her to become a trauma therapist (and she’s been published seven times in Fostering Families Today!)
* 📍 Location: Utah, USA
* 📱 @theguiltgirl on Threads
Get in touch with Grace here.
Key Takeaways
1️⃣ CPTSD affects your emotions, relationships, and view of yourself. It is caused by long-term trauma in which a person feels unsafe, unseen, or trapped.
2️⃣ Shame feels like a personal flaw, but it’s a survival response. CPTSD usually comes with deep wells of shame because you learned to blame yourself rather than recognize your needs were not being met.
3️⃣ Reparenting yourself is a way to start healing from CPTSD. That means: validating your own emotions; setting boundaries; and responding kindly to yourself.
Time Stamps
* 4:57: What is CPTSD?
* 10:24: The difference between CPTSD and PTSD
* 17:47: Emotional flashbacks
* 30:19: Parenting with CPTSD
* 46:51: CPTSD red flags
That’s all for this episode. If this hit home, please leave a comment and let me know (I read every single one!) or share with someone who may need to hear it.
Upcoming
* S1E11 Narcissistic Abuse x Telling Your Story with Sarene Leeds
* S1E12 Pelvic Floor Dysfunction x Incontinence with Patricia Siegel
* S1E13 Female Friendships x Escaping Toxic Relationships with Stephanie McPhail
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This episode confronts the deeply-ingrained taboo that women’s sexual desire should be effortless, constant, and primarily for the benefit of others.
We'll talk about the sex you might have:
* out of obligation
* to “check it off your to-do list”
* to “talk yourself into”
The Taboo
* We’re told that a “good” woman is sexually available—but not “too much.”
* We’re taught that if we don’t want sex, something must be wrong with us.
* We’re conditioned to see our sexuality as a duty, not a source of personal pleasure.
The Guest
Lucy Rowett is a certified sexologist and sex coach who helps women and people with vulvas let go of sexual shame.
📍 Location: Vienna, Austria
🆓 Workbook: How To Rock Your Bedroom and Ask For What You REALLY (really, really), Want In Bed
🎧 Podcast: The Naked and Unashamed Life
Time Stamps
* 4:35: Purity culture and sexual conditioning
* 8:06: People-pleasing and burnout
* 13:18: The science of stress x sex
* 16:23: Why some women struggle with desire
* 20:37: The fawn response
Resources + Links
🔗 Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It by Cindy Darnell
🔗 Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
🔗 Esther Perel, psychotherapist
🔗 Women Who Work Too Much by Tamu Thomas
🔗 Masters of Sex (2013-2016)
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⚠️ Content warning: This episode on postpartum care and maternal mental health includes mentions of postpartum psychosis and infanticide
In Part 2 of my conversation with birth researcher and postpartum doula Kelsey Marr, we talk PMDs — perinatal mood disorders — like postpartum depression, anxiety, and psychosis. Kelsey gives practical strategies for preventing PMD and the importance of planning, setting boundaries, and creating community so we can thrive, not just *survive*, early motherhood.
🎧 Hear Part 1: S1E7 Postpartum Care x Maternal Mental Health
Time stamps
* 02:42: Kelsey’s recommendations for planning for postpartum
* 07:22: Using your postpartum plan as a “scapegoat”
* 08:23: My personal experience of postpartum anxiety
* 10:04: Defining perinatal mood disorders (PMDs)
* 12:33: “Baby blues” versus postpartum depression (PPD)
* 15:39: Postpartum anxiety (PPA) and intrusive thoughts
* 19:59: Our culture of postpartum care and partner involvement
* 23:01: Practical tips for preventing PMDs
* 27:57: How to support postpartum parents
5 key takeaways from this episode:
Postpartum planning is essential
Start planning for postpartum early in pregnancy, like by writing down a list of boundaries and expectations and roles. This can help prevent misunderstandings and resentment.
✅ Make a “no” list during pregnancy to eliminate unnecessary stressors and set boundaries / limits.
Set boundaries and ask for help
Many new parents struggle with setting boundaries during a huge life transition (especially if they have people-pleasing tendencies!). Having a written plan to communicate needs to family and friends can help us avoid conflict and be the “scapegoat” for setting boundaries.
✅ Connect with professionals like doulas, lactation consultants, or mental health professionals before birth.
Perinatal mood disorders (PMDs) are common but complex
PMDs like postpartum depression and anxiety occur for lots of new parents, particularly if they were prone to anxiety and depression before pregnancy and childbirth. They might manifest as extreme irritability, paranoia, or negative feelings toward the baby.
PMDs don’t necessarily resolve in the first few weeks after childbirth and often require professional support, like from a mental health professional.
The role of culture and community in postpartum care
Our society — the US and Canada in particular — puts an overwhelming burden on new moms, often without adequate support systems. We need core community, as well as involvement from partners to mitigate the risk of PMDs (more so even than paid leave).
Showing up for new parents
Friends and loved ones can offer tangible help for postpartum parents like cooking meals, babysitting older kids, and doing chores (while respecting boundaries!).
✅ Sustained help beyond the initial weeks of postpartum is crucial; continue to check in on postpartum moms after the first three weeks - three months.
The guest expert
Dr. Kelsey Marr (PhD) quit her job as a birth researcher in 2023 to become a full-time doula. She helps expecting and new parents navigate pregnancy, birth, and postpartum by helping them find evidence-based information, and build their research skills and confidence to make their own best birth/postpartum choices.
* 📍 Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada
* 🆓 eBook: “Is This Normal?” Evidence-Based Guide to Your First Trimester of Pregnancy
* 👩🏼💻 Blog: Expecting Evidence
* 📱 Social: @collectivecarehfx
Q+A
How can we create a plan to support people postpartum to help avoid perinatal mood disorders like postpartum anxiety and depression?
KM: One of the things I love to do with my clients is to start their postpartum planning really early in pregnancy. I’m doing this myself, even though I’m only 10 weeks along. For someone with a history of anxiety or depression, we know that they’re more likely to experience a perinatal mood disorder. That’s why it’s so important to find a therapist who can support you during pregnancy and postpartum, or to talk to your current therapist about what’s coming up for you.
What do boundaries have to do with planning for postpartum?
KM: A big trigger for many people is boundaries—many of us don’t know what our boundaries are until they’re crossed.
I encourage my clients to think about things like, “Do I want visitors? What kind of help do I want with my baby?” I even have them write it down, journal about it, and share that plan with their support people—partners, family, and friends—before the baby is born. That way, those expectations are clear, and you’re not having those conversations when you’re in the fog of postpartum.
What is a perinatal mood disorder (PMD)?
KM: A a perinatal mood disorder is any sort of mood or anxiety disorder that happens during pregnancy or clinically it's defined as the first year postpartum, but we know that these things can last a lot longer.
Just that first year can feel like things like feeling intense anger or irritability, having trouble falling asleep, trouble concentrating, trouble making decisions, withdrawing, having negative feelings about the baby, lacking energy.
It's really the same sorts of symptoms that we see with depression or anxiety or psychosis, but they're specifically relating to this transition in pregnancy and postpartum.
Checklist: How to prepare for postpartum (and mitigate risk of perinatal mood disorders)
Kelsey recommends the following:
* Make sure you’re on the same page with your partner about what life will look like after baby arrives
* Build healthy habits while pregnant (sleep, movement, diet)
* Lowering lifestyle stress
* Make a “no” list of things you do not want to do when you’re a new mom
* Find your professionals before you need them badly: Physical therapist, mental health professional, postpartum doula, etc.
Thank you for checking out this episode. Leave me a comment and tell me what you think!
Upcoming episodes include:
* S1E9 People Pleasing x Libido with Lucy Rowett
* S1E10 CPTSD x Shame x Reparenting with Grace Bithell
Stay tuned!
Micah
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This week we’re saying the quiet parts OUT LOUD about why the postpartum chapter of our lives often feels overwhelming and isolating (how did we get here??) and how systemic factors — like lack of support or maternity leave — exacerbate postpartum anxiety and depression.
Time stamps
* [05:55] Becoming a postpartum doula
* [07:12] What is IVF?
* [11:26] Comparing postpartum care: Scandinavia vs. North America
* [15:46] Prenatal genetic testing
* [12:59] What evidence-based postpartum care really means
* [18:48] What does a postpartum doula do?
* [23:18] Is postpartum care a luxury?
* [26:12] The cult of good motherhood
* [28:42] Systemic gaps in postpartum care
* [32:06] What new moms really need
Top 3 takeaways
→ The mainstream culture of early motherhood in the US and Canada fails new moms.
Unlike places like Sweden, where moms get paid time off, free nurse visits, and affordable childcare, many moms here feel alone and overwhelmed after giving birth (which can contribute to perinatal mood disorders).
→ The “cult” of good motherhood can make postpartum mental health struggles worse.
Society puts a lot of pressure on moms to do everything perfectly (especially since the advent of social media). This stress can lead to or exacerbate postpartum anxiety and depression.
→ Having a support system to ready to go before birth can really help.
Whether it’s hiring a postpartum doula, getting help from family and friends, or talking to your healthcare professionals, having a plan for support can make postpartum life - and information overload — easier (we break down Kelsey’s list of action items in Part 2!)
Do you wish you had a postpartum doula? Got FOMO? Tell me:
The guest expert
Dr. Kelsey Marr (PhD) quit her job as a birth researcher in 2023 to become a full-time doula. She helps expecting and new parents navigate pregnancy, birth, and postpartum by helping them find evidence-based information, and build their research skills and confidence to make their own best birth/postpartum choices.
* 📍 Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada
* 🆓 eBook: “Is This Normal?” Evidence-Based Guide to Your First Trimester of Pregnancy
* 👩🏼💻 Blog: Expecting Evidence
* 📱 Social: @collectivecarehfx
Resources and links 🔗
Mentioned in this episode:
* Touched Out: Motherhood, Misogyny, Consent, and Control by Amanda Montei
* The Danish Way of Parenting by Jessica Joelle Alexander and Iben Sandahl
* Some of my fav Scandinavian baby brands: Liewood; Småfolk; Bibs; Stokke
Q&A from the Episode
What does a postpartum doula do?
KM: A postpartum doula is a trained expert in postpartum care. So they are a non-clinical professional. I don't work in a hospital as a postpartum doula. I'm not a nurse or a doctor. I can't diagnose anything.
What I do is offer care to birthing people and new families from an educational level through a practical support level, emotional level, and a community level.
Are postpartum doulas a luxury?
KM: For a lot of people, it is a luxury because I am somebody who you end up paying for my time and my expertise. I know in Canada and the United States, there are insurance companies that will cover postpartum doula services. So that's an option for some people.
But the reality is that even though there are doulas who do this work on a volunteer basis, not everybody has access to it.
What do you wish all new moms had after childbirth?
KM: I wish every new parent had community—really like very hands-on, practical, open-hearted community. And that doesn't mean I wish everybody had close familial connections or close friends.
Community can look like a lot of different things. Whether that's finding your support team of professionals before you go into postpartum... a therapist, a doula, a pelvic physio —all of these professionals can take things off your plate in those early months.
🤫 ML: Stay tuned for an upcoming episode on pelvic floor dysfunction and incontinence!
TL;DR
New moms in the U.S. and Canada often struggle with little support after having a baby, which can lead to feelings of isolation and mental health challenges like postpartum anxiety and depression. This episode explores how gaps in postpartum care, unrealistic societal expectations, and the pressure to be a "perfect mom" make it even harder for moms to get the help they need.
I hope you like this episode, friend.
Kelsey will be back next week with Part 2 of our convo on postpartum mental health and practical advice for showing up for the new parents in our lives.
Up next:
* People-Pleasing x Libido with Lucy Rowett
* Shame x CPTSD with Grace Bithell
* Narcissistic Abuse x Telling Your Story with Sarene Leeds
Talk soon —
Micah
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One of the defining moments in my health was the birth of my son in 2019. Like many moms who experienced traumatic childbirth, I grieved (and still grieve) the loss of the birth and pregnancy I so desired. Instead, I felt:
* guilt, grief, and anger that my body “let me down”
* invalidated by comments like, “at least your baby is okay”
* pressure to “bounce back” after birth despite the trauma I experienced.
Can you relate?
In this episode I ask OBGyn Dr. Caledonia “Cali” Buckheit:
* what constitutes birth trauma?
* how to show up for loved ones who experience traumatic childbirth
* how to think about “birth plans,” and when they go awry
* what permission we might need to heal from birth trauma
This episode will resonate if you:
* Have experienced childbirth that didn’t go as planned and had to navigate the emotional aftermath.
* Want to support a friend or loved one who has gone through a traumatic birth experience.
* Are an expectant parent seeking advice on how to approach birth plans.
* Struggle with feelings of guilt, disappointment, or grief related to your birth experience.
⚠️ Trigger warning: This episode contains descriptions of medical injury and illness.
I did my first load of newborn laundry with joy and anticipation in January 2019.
I was 29 weeks pregnant with my son, who did tumbling summersaults like the clothes in the dryer while I folded his tiny garments on my round belly.
Like a lot of (first time) moms, I had a plan for how my son would come into the world. It involved mindful birthing, lavender essential oil, and a meticulously-curated playlist.
He’d wear the softest grey onesie to come home from the hospital, which I folded and packed in the hospital “go bag” I’d grab on the way out the door in late March when I went into labor and my contractions were five minutes apart.
You know what they say about the best-laid plans of mice and men (and moms), right?
They go awry.
I finished folding the laundry, put on the winter parka that no longer zipped over my pregnant self, and went out to shovel the driveway, where I slipped on ice and fell hard on the handle of the snow shovel.
In triage at the hospital I was told my baby was okay, but, dear God, my blood pressure was high.
Before I knew it I was hospitalized with preeclampsia for a month, then induced to have my son before my organs started failing. He was born six weeks early and spent his first weeks in the neonatal intensive care unit, or NICU.
After a month confined to the labor-and-delivery unit, I clung to the remnants of my birth plan — the mindfulness, the lavender, and the playlist, and the no epidural — until my body started to fail, labor stalled, and we lost my son’s heartbeat.
Duke- and Dartmouth-trained obstetrician-gynecologist Caledonia “Cali” Buckheit, MD doesn’t put a lot of stock in birth plans anymore. And not just because she’s seen her fair share of patients who, like me, crumbled under the disappointment and loss of control, but because her own birth plans failed, twice. And she barely survived the second.
“I was gonna deliver, like, two weeks before I graduated from residency and then go off into the sunset on my maternity leave, and have some time off before starting my attending job.”
“That's where listeria came in. I ended up delivering three months early.”
Listen to the episode to hear Cali’s story.
Now, Cali is in private practice where her special interests include minimally invasive surgery, menopause, and contraception. She regularly counsels patients and their partners through the biggest transitions and traumas of their lives.
Modern Hysteria is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Q+A with Cali Buckheit, MD
What is birth trauma, and what are common types you see in your practice?
CB: “One piece of my birth trauma came from losing the outcome I expected for my pregnancy… It really felt like I had to grieve the loss of all of what I thought I was going to have in my pregnancy, in my birth, in my postpartum experience.”
→ Trauma often arises when unexpected complications—like preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, or emergencies—cause fear and overwhelm.
How can we think realistically about “birth plans?”
CB: “More important than the specifics are: Who’s in your corner? Who are my providers? Who are the people I trust? What do I want? I want to feel safe. I want to feel like I understand what’s going on.”
→ Focus on trust and safety rather than fixating on specifics like epidurals or delivery type.
How do you recommend showing up for someone who has experienced birth trauma?
CB: “You’re not going to make it okay… Instead, focus on being supportive, being kind, and providing meaningful support. Like my colleagues and friends showing up and taking care of my other child so my husband and I could go to the NICU together—huge.”
“Ask more interesting questions instead of just saying, ‘Congratulations.’ Instead, ask, ‘What was good and what was bad about your delivery?’ Because it’s not usually one emotion. There are these beautiful moments, but also terrifying ones.”
→ Practical actions, not empty reassurances, make the difference.
What permissions do women need to start healing from birth trauma?
CB: “A lot of self-love. Like, what I am and where I am is enough, even if none of this feels okay or feels good… I think as women, we feel like we should be able to do it all. But that’s not true. That’s something we’ve told ourselves, and it’s not true.”
What role does social media or community play in healing from birth trauma?
CB: “There’s a group called Preemiehood that talks about things you would only understand if you’d been in the NICU. It makes you feel not alone. It makes you feel seen.”
What misconceptions about birth trauma should we challenge?
“We have this desire to make everything okay. But it’s not okay. None of it is okay, but it’s happening. We’re going through it one step at a time. Let go of the idea that labor, delivery, and childbirth are supposed to be these beautiful, happy times.”
Key moments in this episode
* 8:18: The unexpected nature of traumatic childbirth
* 10:48: Letting go of your birth plan
* 26:43: The world of the NICU mom
* 45:42: How to show up for someone who had a traumatic childbirth
* 46:09: Why traumatic childbirth is so emotionally complex
* 50:01: Why your friends and community are so healing
Connect with Cali
📲 Follow her on Instagram, Threads, and TikTok
🏥 Are you in the Raleigh, NC area? Make an appointment with Dr. Cali Buckheit here.
Thanks for reading and listening, friend.
In the next episode of Modern Hysteria we’ll do a deep-dive on PMADs, or perinatal mood disorders like:
* postpartum anxiety
* postpartum depression
I’ll interview birth researcher and doula Kelsey Marr about why we develop postpartum mood disorders and how we can plan practically to heal and avoid them.
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Hi, friend.
This is Micah Larsen, host of the Modern Hysteria podcast and newsletter exposing the taboo topics of women’s health so you feel seen, heard, and can live without shame.
I spent one morning this week in the doctor’s office, watching a dizzying number of vials of my blood drawn for a battery of tests. For the past few months I’ve been overtaken by joint pain, fatigue, and depression. Could it be explained by surgical menopause? Neuroinflammation? Rheumatoid arthritis? So far, the results have yielded nothing except a failing attempt at hormone replacement therapy.
One reason this episode is close to my heart — and maybe yours, too — is because I’ve often felt isolated in my journey to find the source of my pain and illness. It was life-changing to realize core psychological wounds may explain mysterious pain and discomfort you may think are “all in your head.”
This episode explores how unresolved trauma — particularly attachment wounds from childhood — impacts women’s mental, emotional, and physical health. Megan Sherer, a holistic therapist and relationship coach in Seattle, WA, unpacks the connection between isolation, chronic illness, and the body’s stress response.
This episode will resonate if you:
* Feel like your experiences don’t “qualify” as “trauma” (but still leave you feeling uneasy or hurt)
* Struggle with chronic pain or unexplained physical symptoms
* Have an autoimmune condition
* Have ever felt dismissed or “crazy” when explaining your health concerns
* Struggle to feel like you “deserve” to be loved
Does this sound familiar? As Megan mentions in this episode, around 80% of people diagnosed with autoimmune conditions are women.
Modern Hysteria is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Unsubscribe at any time.
→ follow Megan on Instagram here
Attachment Theory
Attachment theory, introduced by John Bowlby explains how early relationships with caregivers shape our ability to form and maintain emotional bonds. Our early attachments—secure or insecure—affects how we connect with others, regulate emotions, and navigate relationships as adults.
Note: Your attachment style can change over time.
If you have a secure attachment:
* you’re probably comfortable with intimacy and independence, trusting in relationships, and can communicate effectively.
* your caregivers were consistently responsive, supportive, and nurturing.
If you have an anxious (preoccupied) attachment:
* you may have a fear of abandonment, need constant reassurance, get preoccupied with relationships, and are sensitivity to rejection.
* your caregivers were inconsistent—sometimes responsive, sometimes unavailable—leading to uncertain warmth, love, and support.
If you have an avoidant (dismissive) attachment:
* you may avoid closeness, value independence over intimacy, struggle to trust others, and downplay emotional needs.
* your caregivers were emotionally distant, neglectful, or dismissive of your needs.
If you have a disorganized (fearful avoidant) attachment:
* you have a mix of anxious and avoidant behaviors; you want closeness but you fear intimacy, and this often resulting in chaotic or conflicted relationships.
* your caregivers were a source of both comfort and fear, often due to abuse, neglect, or trauma.
Another note: There are multiple criticisms of attachment theory, including that it overemphasizes early childhood development and underemphasizes the role of genetics.
Major moments from this episode: Q+A with a holistic therapist
What is trauma?
MS: I think when people hear that word, it can be, sometimes, a little bit polarizing. People’s minds often go to the idea of what we call “big-T trauma;” those overtly, extreme, traumatic experiences that everyone would consider to be devastating or challenging, like accidents and death and war, and these extreme examples of trauma that can impact us as individuals as well as the collective.
And if you haven’t had those experiences, then there can be this tendency to say, like, “I haven’t experienced trauma. Like, my life hasn’t been that bad; who am I to complain?” Kind of thing.
But the reality is that a lot of the work that I do, and that is really impactful and interesting, especially when we get into conversations about attachment work, are what we might call “little-T traumas.”
So: More subtle experiences that impact us greatly, but that we might not have felt we’ve had the permission in the past to explore, because, again, maybe, we think: “It’s not that bad,” or that other people have had it worse.
What causes us to feel traumatized?
MS: The most important thing to identify in the realm of trauma is that it’s not actually the experience itself that’s the trauma; it’s the aftermath.
It’s essentially how our psyche perceives that experience. And one really central component of something being traumatic is the component of isolation. So, if we feel like we’re alone in the experience, we don’t have any sort of support or social system to lean on when we’re navigating that challenge, it can then present as trauma to our psyche, as something that we feel overwhelmed by, that we don’t have the capacity to manage.
That’s a really important distinction, especially when we’re talking about childhood traumas and childhood wounds, because, when you’re a kid who’s not getting your needs met fully, that is an inherently isolating experience. You don’t have anyone to go to talk to. You’re not talking to your other seven-year-old friends, going, like, “Are your parents like this?” And: “Do you feel this way?” We don’t have the tools or capacity at that point. So we feel like it’s just us. And isolation can really overwhelm the nervous system.
What is “attachment?”
MS: It’s how we learn to form bonds and connections with other human beings. And the first people we learn that from is our parents. The first person we learn that from is our mother.
Our nervous system is really imprinted by her nervous system, and informed by the state of her nervous system when we’re still developing in the womb.
How do we form an attachment?
MS: In those early years of our lives, we learn a lot about our place in the world, and what love is or isn’t available to us, and what we have to do in order to maybe perform or earn that love, or feel worthy of it.
And that’s what I’m talking about when we talk about “attachment trauma.” It’s those wounds, those misunderstandings that have caused us to feel separate from the love and connection that is inherently our birthright.
What does attachment have to do with chronic illness?
MS: We’re seeing more and more these days, women who are experiencing chronic symptoms, chronic pain, chronic illness, that are often, sort of … mystery symptoms, like they don't have clear diagnoses, or definitions in the realm of Western, allopathic medicine. And women are often left feeling, like, “I’m crazy.” And I love the name of your podcast, because this is going back many, many years – women have often been called “hysterical” for simply pointing out, calling out, what isn’t okay in their relationships, in our culture, in our society.
And women’s nervous systems are attuned to those imbalances. When there’s ruptures in relationships, we feel that deeply, and it impacts our entire system, our immunity, our physical, mental, emotional health. And, you know, that’s why we’re seeing 80% of people who live with autoimmune conditions are women.
How do attachment wounds manifest in the body?
MS: You can imagine that, if you were a little kid who felt fear; maybe one of your parents is upset, and they’re getting angry, and we’re scared that they’re angry, and scared about what that might mean for us, when our bodies feel that fear and go into that stress response, you kind of contract, right? Like, your muscles get tense and tight, and your body’s in kind of this holding pattern: Bracing to either fight, flee or freeze.
When those cycles of stress response are not completed, like, when we don’t actually get to resolve it and realize, like, okay, the threat is no longer a threat, or, “I’m safe, all is well,” and get the support and co-regulation from another nervous system that we need, when that doesn’t happen, we have this really intricate system of tissue in our body called fascia. It lies beneath the surface of your skin. It’s, like, this connective tissue, and you can almost think of it like cotton candy, like that really thin sort of fibrous type of tissue, that connects all of our muscles and nerves, and joints, and bones, and internal organs.
And, when we have those patterns of contraction, over and over again, that fascia starts to tighten and we’re not getting as healthy of blood flow. If there’s an area of tightness, of stagnation, the blood isn’t flowing there efficiently, and when that happens, inflammation is created.
If fresh blood flow and fresh oxygen aren’t getting to all of our cells to deliver the nutrients they need, our body’s just not working as efficiently as it could be.
[Inflammation] leads to symptoms, which can be in the form of pain, can be in the form of illness, or disease.
How does trauma relate to chronic illness?
MS: I love this analogy: Imagine that we all have this inherent capacity to process these stressors. Imagine, if you will, a container, like a cup or bucket. And we all start with an empty cup, and things like emotional stressors, physical and environmental stressors, things our body just, like, has to work to process; those things start to take up space in our cup.
Trauma takes up more space in that container. It takes a lot of energy for the body to hold unresolved trauma because we’re essentially staying in that state of fight-or-flight.
We’re staying in that chronic, sympathetic activation of the nervous system when we’re not meant to be there 100% of the time. [--] It gets to the point where it’s at capacity, every new thing that's added starts to overflow.
The overflow is the chronic symptoms that we experience.
→ See Megan Sherer’s Substack: With Love by Megan Sherer
→ Megan loved First Aid Beauty’s Oat and Hemp salve (discontinued!)
Time Stamps
* 1:57: What causes us to become traumatized?
* 3:51: What does chronic illness have to do with attachment and trauma?
* 5:03: The impact of trauma on parenting
* 10:32: What happens in your brain and body when you experience trauma
* 12:22: “My body is betraying me”
* 24:13: Was what happened to me “trauma?”
* 28:44: Identifying emotional wounds
* 30:15: Attachment styles and examples
Connect with Megan
Megan’s book, Choose Yourself, out in May 2025 from Sounds True Publishing, is out on preorder in February 2025. Get on her email list here to stay in the loop.
→ Get her Love Blueprint workbook (free) here
→ Access Megan’s meditations here
Thank you for listening and reading, friend.
Our next episode (S1E6) is about a different type of trauma. It’s an interview with OB/Gyn Cali Buckheit, MD about her experience developing a life-threatening case of listeria while 27 weeks pregnant with her second child, and how it forever impacted the way she communicates with her patients who experience birth trauma.
🎙️ Modern Hysteria is now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!
Talk soon
— Micah
P.S. Want a book you can’t put down for the cozy holiday season? Take the Feminist Book Finder quiz here to get a personalized recommendation (some of my favorites are on this list!).
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Hi, friend.
It’s Micah of Modern Hysteria, your podcast (and newsletter) about the taboo topics of women’s health.
And, in this episode, we talk about how to rewrite the narrative of shame we have around our sexuality and sex lives — not just for ourselves but for our kids — and what society teaches us (and doesn’t teach us) about women’s pleasure.
Time stamps:
* 5:34: The importance of consent and communication
* 11:00: Teaching kids to have a healthy sexual ethic
* 17:15: Deconstructing your faith and finding new ways forward
* 24:55: Empowerment of discovering your own pleasure
* 27:46: What’s in your bag?
In S1E2, writer and content creator Tiffany Torres Williams brought us back to the heyday of purity culture in the 90s-00s in her home state of Texas, where she was raised to believe she should be:
* ashamed of her sexuality
* responsible for the purity of the men in her life and her future husband’s sexual satisfaction
(⚠️ Content warning: Mention of sexual intimacy and high-control religion)
Catch up on Part 1 here.
Modern Hysteria is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
What’s in Tiffany’s bag?
* Umbrella to protect her fabulous hair from humidity
* Pens and highlighters, because … writer, obv.
* Various shades of red lipstick for extra va-va-voom 💄
Her favorite shades for a red lip:
💄 Midnight Red by Mary Kay (her “absolute favorite”)
💄 Fireoff by Revlon
💄 Bad Blood by Urban Decay
Mentioned in this episode:
* Anne Helen Petersen’s Substack, Culture Study
* Joshua Harris’s documentary, I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye
Connect with Tiffany
* 🌈 Follow on Instagram
* 🗞️ Subscribe to her Substack, Project 2025 Takedown
Thanks for listening!
— Micah
Upcoming episodes
* Birth trauma with Dr. Cali Buckheit
* Postpartum rage with Allison Staiger
* CPTSD and shame with Grace Bithell
* Emotional trauma and illness with Megan Sherer
* Money and mental health with Erin Steele
* Postpartum support with Kelsey Marr
* Pleasure, libido, and people-pleasing with Lucy Rowett
* Emotional and narcissistic abuse with Sarene Leeds
* Body dysmorphia with Dr. Laura Glazebrook
… and lots more. I can’t wait to share the expertise of these badass women with you.
Subscribe to the pod here to get new episodes sent straight to your inbox:
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Hi, friend.
Did you get on the sourdough bandwagon during COVID?
Sourdough baking trended in 2020 while we all sat in our individual homes, looking for ways to feel productive, and, according to Google search trends, it’s still having a renaissance moment.
Like a lot of aspiring sourdough-ers, I failed repeatedly at sourdough starter and nearly gave up entirely.
That is, until my guest this week, Laura Lemon of Hippiebilly Homestead — a plant-based urban homesteader in Columbus, Ohio with a background in nutrition science and public health — got me on the right track and, via Instagram, fielded my questions about feeding a starter.
And, now …
Later, Laura and I connected more deeply over our shared history of preeclampsia, a life-threatening pregnancy complication that affects blood pressure and can lead to strokes, seizures, organ failure, and premature birth, even death.
Another similarity Laura and I share is that we turned to nature to heal our reproductive trauma. Specifically, we both threw ourselves into gardening. The practice of growing food, nurturing plants, and tending the soil does something for the aching heart and mind.
Laura’s core belief is that anyone can participate in homesteading practices by starting small, whether it be with a single potted plant or finding your local municipal composting site.
Last year, she started to offer classes on her homestead for preschoolers to learn to grow food. She also built a **sick** mud kitchen for her kiddos and students, and found homesteading to be an enormous source of postpartum healing after experiencing birth trauma with both of her children.
And she had a goat named Crybaby.
Laura’s a homesteader. I consider myself a hobby farmer. And, here, we tread dangerously close to other hot-button labels, like:
* Tradwife — “traditional wife;” a woman who believes in traditional gender roles and marriage; this term became mainstream in the 2020s as tradwife influencers grew followings on social media; they’re often criticized for romanticizing the oppression of women
* Doomsday prepper — someone who hoards resources for protection against a catastrophic event; sometimes called a “survivalist”
Here’s my shot at a Venn diagram:
Sourdough in particular lives at the center of at least two of these circles. And I’ve even found myself identifying with other women saying:
I know I’m making sourdough, but please do not mistake me as a tradwife.
Because “homesteading” and its associated labels often have political connotations, the central question I posed to Laura in this episode was:
"Can homesteading support women's health, healing, and mental wellbeing while challenging traditional gender roles?"
I was thinking here specifically about Hannah Neeleman of Ballerina Farm, the (in)famous influencer who, in my opinion, particularly since she graced the cover of Evie magazine last week, belongs in the homesteader-tradwife subcategory. She’s been accused of “poverty cosplay” and promoting submission to men, among other things.
→ (Read more from Sara Petersen at In Pursuit of Clean Countertops)
In this episode, Laura and I talked about:
* the overlapping spheres of homesteading, hobby farming, influencers, and tradwives
* postpartum healing and community after birth trauma
* teaching appreciation for food and gender equality in the kitchen
Time stamps
* 7:26: Raising kids on a homestead
* 10:31: Is #slowliving realistic?
* 14:02: Critique of the tradwife movement
* 20:16: The journey to homesteading
* 26:40: Community support for postpartum moms
* 29:00: Being a homestead influencer
What’s in Laura’s bag?
* Moleskine journal
* Robin Wall Kimmerer’s new book, The Serviceberry
* Fruit pouches
* Diapers
Thanks for listening and reading!
Tiffany Torres Williams returns on our next episode to talk more about how purity culture affects our brains and bodies.
Catch Part 1 with Tiffany here: S1E2 Virgin to Vixen on Your Wedding Night
Anywayyy, I hope you had a good Thanksgiving if you celebrated it. Let’s talk soon!
— Micah
P.S. Wanna continue this convo? Join me for our free online Women’s Sharing Circles. Our next one is Dec. 10, and the topic is “Feminine Rage.”
🗓️ Dec. 10, 1-2p ET / 10a-11a PT
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Hi!
It’s Micah of Modern Hysteria. In our second full episode, multitalented writer and photographer Tiffany Torres Williams tells us about her experiences growing up in evangelical Christianity during the heyday of purity culture, and how it affects all of us in the bedroom (and our brains).
⚠️ Content warning: Mention of sexual assault and high-control religion
Purity culture — religious ideology in which sexual abstinence, particularly for women, is a measure of morality and worth; rooted in evangelical Christianity and conservative culture, which idealizes “purity” and rigid gender roles.
If you were exposed to purity culture, you may also:
* ongoing anxiety about not living up to “moral” standards
* might view yourself as “damaged goods” if you don’t meet those standards
* have overwhelming fear or dread of sexual intimacy (even in long-term relationships)
* feel uncomfortable with nudity
* have difficulty asserting boundaries or saying “no”
* experience pelvic pain or vaginisumus, involuntary tightening of the muscles around the vaginal wall, which makes penetration painful or impossible
* have difficulty with libido and arousal
* don’t like to talk about sex at all, even with your medical provider or partner
Tiffany explains that women who grow up in this subculture are taught they are responsible for upholding their purity and for mens’ moral failings. Not only does this set women up for failure and a lifetime of vigilance, but it teaches men and boys that they are not responsible for their own behaviors.
This episode was inspired by a question I put out on social media:
Can you go from virgin to vixen on your wedding night as women are expected to do in high-control religion?
And, this related question:
How does purity culture affect women’s mental health as it relates to sex?
Unfortunately, our recording sesh got cut short for S1E2, so look out for a Part 2, and, in the meantime, comment below with questions for Tiffany or anything you’d like to add ↓
Connect with Tiffany
* 🌈 Follow on Instagram
* 🗞️ Subscribe to her Substack, Project 2025 Takedown
Up next, I chat with Laura Lemon of Hippiebilly Homestead about homesteading, motherhood, mental health, and postpartum (plus tradwife influencers like Ballerina Farm).
Thanks for listening!
— Micah
P.S. Our next (free, online) Women’s Sharing Circle is on Dec. 10, and we’re talking about feminine rage. Click here for more information
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Hi, there —
It’s Micah of Modern Hysteria, and this is our FIRST-EVER full episode of the Modern Hysteria podcast, the “women’s bathroom of the internet,” where I ask experts the questions about women’s health you may not have known to ask (because when we know better we can do better).
In the past year I’ve been through a rapid-fire process of aging. And, selfishly, I find our guests’s take on aging as a woman incredibly soothing, so I HAD to bring her on to share it with you …
Aging ain’t for the faint of heart, said someone, and also the poster in the YMCA weight room in my hometown.
Now I understand.
Aging — especially as a woman — feels like you’re supposed to go softly into that good night or fade to some sort of pleasantly demented insignificance.
That, or get on the endless treadmill of “anti-aging” and battle inevitable wrinkles and sagging with pills and potions that promise youth! collagen! anti-gravity!
If you don’t want to fight that uphill battle against time or buy into the anti-aging industry — which was valued at $47 billion in 2023 and is projected to surpass $80 billion by 2030 — what DO you do?
How do you do that thing everyone keeps talking about: Age “gracefully?”
I wanted to learn from Angi — aging and movement expert who is devoutly pro-aging — How do we age ON PURPOSE? With intention?
We talked about:
* How Chinese medicine views aging
* The “seasons” of aging (spring, summer, autumn, winter)
* How to have a “second spring”
I learned: When you’re pro-aging, you age like a PRO.
Angi’s Foot Regimen 🆓
“Foot massage for reducing pain & inflammation and all the while this foot treatment will help improve posture, sleep & foot function!”
👟 Download Angi’s free guide here
Connect with Angi
👩🏼💻 On Facebook
📱 On Instagram
If any of this — beauty, anti-aging v pro-aging, “aging gracefully” — resonates with you, make sure you connect with Angi. She’s a brilliant professional, and I’m proud to call her a friend.
Question for you: Do you like the “What’s In Your Bag?” segment? I think I want to make it an ongoing thing. Tell me in the comments.
I’ve got interviews coming up for Episodes 2 and 3 very soon:
* Laura Lemon of the Hippiebilly Homestead
* Tiffany Torres Williams of Project 2025 Takedown
And, since I shared the teaser trailer for Modern Hysteria pod, I had an OUTPOURING of subject matter experts request to be on the show. We’ve got so many good topics coming up:
* pelvic floor dysfunction
* libido, pleasure, and permission
* the mother wound
* menopause and hormones
* fertility and nutrition
I cannot wait to share more … make sure you’re subscribed to Modern Hysteria so you can get new posts sent straight to your inbox, and thanks for reading 🙃
— Micah
P.S. Our next Women’s Sharing Circle (free, live on Zoom) is on Dec 10, and we’re talking about feminine rage. Join us for real talk about women’s wellness and womanhood.
🗓️ Click here to see details
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Hi!
This is Micah from Modern Hysteria — and, now, the Modern Hysteria PODCAST!
This pod has been a long time coming … ten years, in fact.
My anonymous egg donation in 2014 was the catalyst for an unraveling of my body and brain through anxiety, depression, pregnancy loss, preeclampsia, hysterectomy, PMDD, and surgical menopause.
The earlier years, the ones during which I felt most alone, were the hardest. Because we were not meant to go through any of this by ourselves.
That’s why I’m recording this podcast. It’s the one I wish I had ten years ago, so I would have known I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t alone, and that there was hope for healing.
I’ve got a killer lineup of experts for you, and the first full episode of the podcast drops next week!
In Episode 01, I interview aging science and movement expert Angi McClure of Bamboo Bodies about why women fall into the “anti-aging” trap and what we can actually do to age “gracefully” into powerful, functional, badass women (instead of fighting an endless and expensive uphill battle against wrinkles and gray hair).
‘Til then, make sure we’re connected on Instagram here!
Which topics on women’s health (mental health, too!) would you most like to hear on the pod?
Tell me in the comments ↓
Can’t wait to share more!
— Micah
P.S. Our Women’s Sharing Circle on “Letting Yourself Go” is today, Nov. 13, at 3p ET / 12p PT. Get on the list last-minute here.
Get full access to Modern Hysteria at micahlarsen.substack.com/subscribe
