Afleveringen
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This week we are discussing Healthy vs Unhealthy Love with Laurie Lokey.
As solo parents, we may not have experienced healthy relationships in our past, resulting in a distorted view of what relationships should actually look like. How can we define healthy relationships and what are some guidelines so that we’re able to identify toxic or unsafe connections in our lives?
LAURIE LOKEY M.A.LPC-MHSP, CTT, EMDR-II
Laurie co-founded Resilient Love with her husband, Bill, after decades of clinical work individually and leading couples intensives together. She is passionate about partnering with people on their journey to find hope and resiliency. She completed her master’s degree at Trevecca University as a Licensed Professional Counselor and she has created an individual intensive therapy model for the healing of trauma which she continues to develop in her practice. Laurie’s love for helping people heal from the impact of trauma led her to work with a specialist and traumatologist, Dr. Lee Norton. From their work, she developed her own modality called “Trauma Stage Processing,” which she and her husband, Bill, have taught to clinicians across the country.
Laurie has worked as an intensive specialist for the past 15 years and has a thriving private practice based in Spring Hill, TN. Resilient Love is the culmination of decades of clinical therapy experience of her and Bill combined with their journey and wisdom of navigating life in light of the love of Jesus.
https://www.resilientloveprogram.com/
LINK TO SHOW NOTES
For all the detailed show notes, tips and links click - https://soloparent.org/show-notes-blog
ASK US ANYTHING! We want to answer any Solo Parent questions you may have. Go to SoloParent.org/TalkToUs and ask us anything…it can be related to a topic we cover on the podcast, something you are facing or just something you are curious about. We want you to be part of our podcast!
To receive a free SPS Welcome Toolkit with links to groups, info and a free book click - https://soloparent.org/welcome-toolkit
Join our FREE daily meditational devotional - pod.link/1517894054
Download our free app - APPLE - https://apple.co/3fKOd6F ANDROID - https://bit.ly/2TvjtOs
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This week we are discussing Unnecessary Things: Wasteful Spending
As single parents, we often need to be thoughtful about how we spend our money because our resources tend to be very slim; there’s always an opportunity cost involved. And when everything is stretched so thin, it’s hard to know what is wasteful spending vs. wise spending—there’s a huge learning curve on top of everything else we do. How can we retrain ourselves and our spending habits?
Today, we cover three main points:
1) What is wasteful spending?
2) The emotions around spending money.
3) How to spend mindfully.
For all the detailed show notes, tips and links click - https://soloparent.org/show-notes-blog
ASK US ANYTHING! We want to answer any Solo Parent questions you may have. Go to SoloParent.org/TalkToUs and ask us anything…it can be related to a topic we cover on the podcast, something you are facing or just something you are curious about. We want you to be part of our podcast!
To receive a free SPS Welcome Toolkit with links to groups, info and a free book click - https://soloparent.org/welcome-toolkit
Join our FREE daily meditational devotional - pod.link/1517894054
Download our free app - APPLE - https://apple.co/3fKOd6F ANDROID - https://bit.ly/2TvjtOs
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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This week we are discussing Unnecessary Things: No Regrets
Regret as a single parent runs deep. It can be in the day to day interactions with our kids, the thing we didn’t say to our former spouse and wish we had, the choices we’ve made with our lives that got us where we are. But can all of these regrets actually serve us moving forward? How can we use regret to our advantage and actually have a better life because of them?
Today, we cover three main points:
1) Misconceptions of regret
2) The four core regrets
3) Using regret to grow and shape the future
For all the detailed show notes, tips and links click - https://soloparent.org/show-notes-blog
ASK US ANYTHING! We want to answer any Solo Parent questions you may have. Go to SoloParent.org/TalkToUs and ask us anything…it can be related to a topic we cover on the podcast, something you are facing or just something you are curious about. We want you to be part of our podcast!
To receive a free SPS Welcome Toolkit with links to groups, info and a free book click - https://soloparent.org/welcome-toolkit
Join our FREE daily meditational devotional - pod.link/1517894054
Download our free app - APPLE - https://apple.co/3fKOd6F ANDROID - https://bit.ly/2TvjtOs
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This week we are discussing Unnecessary Things: Worry
There is such a gap between where you are and where you think you are supposed to be. And, as a single parent, it seems like there is so much to be worried about. You’re in it alone; there is no sounding board and no one to help when you’re spinning out and getting worked up. How can single parents use worry to our benefit?
Today we’re going to cover three main points:
1) Single parents and worry
2) Finding the root of the issue
3) How worry helpsFor all the detailed show notes, tips and links click - https://soloparent.org/show-notes-blog
ASK US ANYTHING! We want to answer any Solo Parent questions you may have. Go to SoloParent.org/TalkToUs and ask us anything…it can be related to a topic we cover on the podcast, something you are facing or just something you are curious about. We want you to be part of our podcast!
To receive a free SPS Welcome Toolkit with links to groups, info and a free book click - https://soloparent.org/welcome-toolkit
Join our FREE daily meditational devotional - pod.link/1517894054
Download our free app - APPLE - https://apple.co/3fKOd6F ANDROID - https://bit.ly/2TvjtOs
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This week we are discussing Unnecessary Things: Goals
Goal setting as a single parent can feel overwhelming, shame filled, and down right unnecessary. We already have so many pressures in life, why add more at the beginning of the year? Shouldn’t we start off the year filled with hope and joy about what’s to come? So how can we reframe goal setting to fit more of the single parent lifestyle and feel better about ourselves in the long run?
Today, we cover three main points:
1) Top barriers to goal setting for single parents
2) Reframing how we think about goals
3) Real life examples of how to live this outFor all the detailed show notes, tips and links click - https://soloparent.org/show-notes-blog
ASK US ANYTHING! We want to answer any Solo Parent questions you may have. Go to SoloParent.org/TalkToUs and ask us anything…it can be related to a topic we cover on the podcast, something you are facing or just something you are curious about. We want you to be part of our podcast!
To receive a free SPS Welcome Toolkit with links to groups, info and a free book click - https://soloparent.org/welcome-toolkit
Join our FREE daily meditational devotional - pod.link/1517894054
Download our free app - APPLE - https://apple.co/3fKOd6F ANDROID - https://bit.ly/2TvjtOs
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TOPIC
This week we are discussing our REWIND episode “ Is It Love or Codependency?PAIN POINT
If we’re honest, we need to admit we often don’t know what healthy love looks like. Codependency can often feel like love. So, how can we tell the difference between love and codependency? We are looking forward to visiting this episode with you.3 MAIN POINTS
Today, we discuss why Elizabeth chose this episode as her favorite for 2024.LINK TO SHOWNOTES
For all the detailed show notes, tips and links click - https://soloparent.org/show-notes-blogASK US ANYTHING! We want to answer any Solo Parent questions you may have. Go to SoloParent.org/TalkToUs and ask us anything…it can be related to a topic we cover on the podcast, something you are facing or just something you are curious about. We want you to be part of our podcast!
To receive a free SPS Welcome Toolkit with links to groups, info and a free book click - https://soloparent.org/welcome-toolkit
Join our FREE daily meditational devotional - pod.link/1517894054
Download our free app - APPLE - https://apple.co/3fKOd6F ANDROID - https://bit.ly/2TvjtOs
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When we talk about growing in grace, Kathie Lee Gifford is a shining example. She is an American icon, a talented actress, musical artist, and television personality. And she’s been through so many things. Yet, she continues to live a life epitomized by grace and love. When asked where her tenacity and drive come from, Kathie says she is a lifetime student of God’s word and reads it every day. And, when she reads it, “nobody in the Bible retired. They kept doing what God put them on this earth to do”. Kathie Lee loves to work and she thinks it’s a valuable gift God gives us for our purpose, our self-worth, and our growth. Being responsible to meet a deadline or keep people employed, and then mix that with the Holy Spirit, gives her purpose every morning and keeps her going. Kathie Lee says she learned from Paul Newman long ago that, “If I’ve got a pulse, I’ve got a purpose.” She has never entertained the idea of retirement. She has walked with the Lord since she was twelve years old, and while she doesn’t know how many days He has for her, she looks forward to finding out.
This curiosity and sense of adventure is part of her continued growth. She has found genuine joy and is the happiest she has been in years. But she shares that, “Happiness is different than joy”. She has always been a joyful person because of her walk with the Lord but happiness comes from the word “happenstance”. Happiness is related to our circumstance whereas joy is not. She could find joy even in many sad and stress-filled moments, and did, but she is thankful to have now found herself in a rich, warm, and fun season, full of happiness too.
And Kathie Lee has known hard circumstances full of controversy, accusation, betrayal, loss, and hurt. Many single parents have experienced those too and end up feeling rejected and a deep sense of loneliness.
For complete show notes click here .
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A COVID-19 CRISIS EPISODE
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Single parents often face financial insecurity. Finding a place of stability takes time, especially after divorce or other unforeseen circumstances. In today's podcast, Robert Beeson and Kimberley Mitchell talk about ways solo parents can find financial stability. For solo parents around the country, finances are a huge stressor. Paying the rent and bills is a struggle complicated by child support or the lack of it. Sometimes we rob Peter to pay Paul and the unknowns can be terrifying. Our security isn't found in money, but money issues can cause us to feel insecure. Ultimately, God is our Provider but being wise about money is essential. So how can we, as solo parents, move toward greater financial stability? There are three ways. 1. Budgeting: You can't spend what you don't have. The principles from Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University are a terrific framework for greater financial health. Creating a zero-based budget is the first step. A zero-based budget means you only spend what you earn so start by calculating your total income each month. Then, write down everything you spend money on. This is eye-opening and can help you find hidden areas of expense. Putting it down in black and white is an empowering exercise. Knowing what you earn and what you spend gives you a sense of control. Budgeting doesn't limit what you spend; it tells you what you can spend! Spending more than you earn isn't freedom. It's bondage. Getting into debt is a trap. Having a clear written budget gives you freedom because you can move ahead and spend with confidence. 2. Create an Emergency Fund: For solo parents, building an emergency fund is crucial because unforeseen expenses can be especially devastating for those on limited incomes. Saving money for emergencies can seem overwhelming when you are barely making enough to cover macaroni and cheese and gasoline, but it's a key to financial health. If you don't have a fund to lean on, you will find yourself using a credit card. So how can we create an emergency fund? One tip is to look for things you have around your home that you can sell on eBay, Buy Sell Trade, or at a yard sale. Get creative because this step is so important! 3. Accountability: It can be scary to disclose your budget to another person, but it's important to find someone to share this with. While difficult, it's important to know that you are not doing this alone. It's helpful to have another person you share honestly with about what you choose to spend on. Making responsible choices is important for our financial stability, but it's also important because we are teaching our kids how to handle money too. Finally, part of honoring God is honoring him with our finances. As we are faithful with our budget, being generous is also important. It reveals trust in God and His provision. While these principles aren't easy to apply, especially on a limited and sometimes inconsistent income, they are valuable. Even if you need to take baby steps, move toward these principles, one step at a time. God is our Provider and our source of security, but, over time, these steps will lead to greater stability for you and your kids. The effort and commitment are worth it. For more financial health resources, check out Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. To connect with other solo parents, find us on Facebook, Instagram, and at www.soloparentsociety.com.
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In today's podcast, we deal with the topic of wholeness as part of our stability as single parents. Wholeness is defined as the state of being unbroken or undamaged but being a single parent can leave us feeling devastated and less than whole. It's especially challenging after some of our experiences and while feeling added pressure to have it all together for our kids. On today's podcast, Solo Parent Society founder, Robert Beeson, podcast co-host, Kimberley Mitchell, and single mom, Marissa Lee, discuss wholeness as something we find not in spite of brokenness but because of it. This may seem counterintuitive but brokenness can actually serve us well when we let God transform us through it. How do we do that? We need to anchor ourselves to Him and then wait for Him to repair and transform us. Anchoring: The act of dropping an anchor is an active process that requires knowing where you are. You can't lower an anchor in mud. It has to be dropped somewhere it will actually hold. As solo parents, we may find ourselves wanting to escape the storm of our brokenness but we cant. Instead, God promises to be with us in it so don't despise the storm. Embrace it as the place where God will meet you and anchor yourself to Him in the midst of it. How do we do this? Specific ways to anchor: Know where you are. Before you drop your anchor, assess your situation honestly. You can't go back to the shore you came from and you may not know where you are going. Instead, accept where you and then you can drop your anchor. Anchor yourself in God's Word. Single parents need to be equipped. We need truth and hope. Surround yourself with it. Play worship music. Find a key verse and use it as a screensaver, memorize it. Especially as solo parents, we cannot be self-reliant. We have to let the anchor of truth hold us firm. Once we are anchored in truth, then what? Well, then we wait. Waiting: Waiting isn't passive. It requires focus and determination to wait when we would rather run from our brokenness. Instead, we must accept where we are, lower our anchor and wait on God to repair us and see us through. Specific ways to wait: Take our thoughts captive. As we wait for God to open the next door and show us next steps, we must take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. Our thoughts are powerful and 70% of them are negative. We have to identify these negative thoughts as lies and speak back to them with truth. We have to be careful which voices we listen to. We need to remember we have a God who saved us! He wins in the end and He is with us in the wait. Be present. While we wait, we need to be present. Be present with your kids, with yourself and with God. Get quiet and still. Allow space for God to speak. Accept what is and find the beauty in it. Be patient with yourself, with your circumstances and with God. Let go of the past and the future. What matters today is what you do right now. Just do the next right thing. Remember, wholeness is not a destination but confidence in the One who created us. So, don't run from brokenness God is at work in it. Be expectant. Be patient Look for God in your brokenness and you will find Him. Anchor yourself to Him and wait. You are closer to wholeness than you ever thought. Find us on Facebook and on Instagram and at www.SoloParentSociety.com.
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Co-parenting can be so challenging - especially when the values and boundaries are not shared between the parents. Unfortunately, it is our kids that get the short end of the stick when our parenting dynamics are unhealthy. We discussed this with Tammy Daughtry, a marriage and family therapist, author, and founder of Co-parenting international. Tammy's basic co-parenting principles involve paying attention to: 1. The 'Handoff' This is how we manage the exchange of the child. (which will happen hundreds of times in a child's life) It can be volatile or even just a convenient time to discuss co-parenting business. Agree to never talk about co-parenting issues during the handoff. Children are always watching, and we want to make this exchange tell a story that things are ok; they don't have to be emotionally torn apart. To do this effectively we: Prepare our child for the exchange - Don't ever express frustration about the other parent when getting ready. Be the encourager about the opportunity to spend time with the other parent with positive reinforcement. Prepare ourselves - We must prepare ourselves emotionally to not let our emotions show and impede the exchange. Give them the emotional permission to go be with the other parent, either verbally or in body language. Do this by setting our emotions aside for the hour leading up to and during the exchange. Once we have handed off, have a sounding board that we can process all that we are feeling with. When our kids come back, again, set our negative emotions aside and just listen and encourage the exciting stories they have come back with. If there are negative stories, listen without piling our own feelings on. Our children have competing attachments. In a married family structure, loving mom (or Dad) doesn't have any negative influence on the other parent. In a divorced situation, a child can begin to feel guilty or ashamed for loving or missing the other parent, which can trigger the parent. We need to compartmentalize our emotions so that we do not put our kids in a situation where they begin to feel shame or guilt for their love for the other parent. 2. Managing the difference in 'cultures' between the two homes. ( This is assuming there is nothing that poses a threat to our kids emotional or physical well-being ) When we have a different approach to our ex, related in the way we raise our kids, look at it like our kids live in two countries. The dynamics and value systems may be different, and we have no control over either. We need to just focus on the 'country' we are leading. Stand strong with statements like - " I know that in their house things are done another way, in this house we _______" without diminishing the 'culture' of the other home. 3. Empower our kids to have a voice when they are being put in the middle. Let them know they are free to say to either parent, "I am not comfortable talking about that, I would rather you ask (other parent)" when they are put in a position of being asked questions about the other parent. 4. Be a role model on how we do hard things. There will be times when our child doesn't want to go to the other parents. Understand that the chances for a healthy child dramatically increases when both parents are in a child's life (assuming there is nothing dangerous), so invest in creating memories with both parents. Resources Co-parenting App - Appclose FREE resource - 10 things kids of divorce wish they could say to their parents. Coparentinginternational.com Facebook.com/SoloParentSociety
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Today is Tuesday, March 17. We are entering uncharted territory here in the US and certainly around the world. The President has declared a State of Emergency in our country, and we all know the complications that has and is presenting. When you are already struggling to get by as a single parent and the country is thrust into emergency, we know it can be scary, and an advanced sense of isolation can set in. So we wanted to gather some insights and tips to help you and your kids cope in this time of unknowns. How do we help our kids? (DETAILS HERE) 1. Do your homework - be the source 2. Let them lead - they are getting lots of info, so ask, "tell me what you have been hearing" through social media, friends. Let them establish what they are ready to hear. 3. Tell age-appropriate truthful answers - be the trusted voice in their life. ie. "I will always tell you the truth." 4. Find the helpers in the situations. Every crisis has them. This helps shape a positive way to look at things. (first responders, doctors, and nurses, our government) 5. Talk about / make things that they can control ( let them dress weirder or choose foods that usually you don't let them eat) 6. Give them places to process emotionally (journaling - talking) 7. Limit exposure to the news 8. MOST IMPORTANT - Manage your own anxiety because they pick up on it. How do we deal with it emotionally? 1. Focus on the Spiritual realm. Spend twice as much time focusing on the truth than on the news. Pick a verse and hold on to (Put it everywhere. Write it out - make it your screen saver) (33 Great Verses) 2. Remember the faithfulness of God. Single parents are incredibly resilient. Focus on how He has been there for you and continue to rely; He will continue to sustain. There is nothing to fear. 3. Find a sounding board but not your children 4. Exercise * Dealing with anxiety - Deep breathing exercises gets us back to the correct thinking and redistributes blood flow to correct part of the brain - Grounding techniques. Focus on something specific, try this with your kids, say "pick as many things as you can the color red." How do we deal practically? 1. Create a Preparative list - the exercise forces the perspective - It provides direction in the off chance we need it, if we don't have time to think. - List the core things we need (if we can't leave the house for 2-4 weeks) Meds Non-perishable food Water List contacts and numbers in case Let it become a project with our kids 2. Let our kids know the plan Wash hands whenever we come into the house. Hang a sign at the door to remind kids. If we eliminate what comes in, we are better prepared Leave shoes outside 3. Find humor / be silly. Funny movies, games, stories 4. Be the kindness that someone needs 5. Make it quality time (Check out our podcast on this) Join our FB Community for updates and live broadcasts - HERE
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Parenting alone can feel overwhelming especially with strong-willed kids who test limits. We know consistency is important but what can we do when our kids continually test boundaries? We talked with parenting expert Dr. Meg Meeker, a leading authority on parenting teens and children's health, bestselling author, pediatrician and a mom. Here are her baseline tips: 1. Don't feel like you have to be both parents. You are only one person. That's enough. 2. Parents need to intentionally find ways to have one on one time with their kids every week. Connect. Look them in the eye. Ask them how life is and listen. 3. Timing matters. Give your kids space after school or athletic practice. Bedtime can be a wonderful time to connect. 4. Our approach matters too. Go in gently. Don't lead with correction. Sit at the end of the bed. Ask questions but don't demand feedback. Say, "I haven't seen you much this week. How's life?" 5. Keep going back. Your persistence lets your kids know you simply want their company. They will open up but only if they think they can count on you and that you will listen. A sudden change in demeanor or pulling away can signal that something has happened outside of your home. Use the same curious, persistent approach. Ask, "You're not your usual happy self. Is there anything you want to talk about?" Go where they are, they need to know you are in it with them. If your child doesn't want to talk, try asking about their friends. They may share more openly if the focus is not on them, especially if they are embarrassed or think may get in trouble. When they do share, don't overreact. Remember, acting out and defiance aren't usually about you as a parent. Unhappy kids are defiant. "Inside of them, curled up, is a little kid who is in a tremendous amount of pain." Give them language to express themselves. Say, "I understand something is going on and you're really angry but even when you're mad you can't _____." Let them know their feelings are okay while giving them ownership of their behavior and the consequences. "If you say this or do that, then I'm going to have to take your phone away. I hope you don't put me in that position." For single parents, don't let guilt make you reluctant to set limits. Meeker says our message needs to be that life includes pain and we understand. Let them know it's okay to let their feelings bubble up to the surface and that you will be there to help them process. If a rebellious child is making bad choices, and the behaviors aren't dangerous, Meeker says hold on and stick with them through it. Most kids will eventually develop enough maturity to get past it. But, if they are doing dangerous things, you have to monitor their behavior closely. Sometimes rebellion is a test to see what you will do. They want to know how far you will go to get them. They may scream, be mortified, and say they hate you but, as a parent, you must do the hard things. Dr, Meeker says, "Your job is to raise a healthy 25-year-old not a healthy 18-year-old" because their brains aren't fully developed until then. Meeker adds, "No situation is beyond fixable. Don't parent out of fear. If your child is in danger, recruit some help and go after that kid. Let them know you are not going anywhere. Kids who are pursued feel so loved." For more - www.meekerparenting.com FB - @SoloParentSociety INSTA - @SoloParentSociety
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Quality time with our kids is important! But how do we manage it, especially as single parents whose time is already so limited? And, sometimes we feel added pressure to make the time together a big deal. It helps to consider that kids remember the time you spend with them much more than the things you do. A recent study in the Journal of Marriage and Family says the quality of time is much more important than the amount of time parents spend with their children. It isn't about endless hours spent together—it's about how you choose to spend the time that truly matters. So, how do we, as single parents, create quality time moments with our kids when time is one of our rarest commodities? We considered four ways to create quality time with our kids: Rituals: Build quality time into the normal rituals of daily life. Instead of trying to add in more activities, make the ordinary moments count. Routines: Establish routines that become meaningful ways to show up for your kids while you're in the car, during meals, and at bedtime. Random: Look for opportunities that pop up unexpectedly and make the most of them. Fun memories can come from quality time "on the fly". Responsive: Be aware of the times your kids need you to respond in the moment. Some things can't wait. Stop what you are doing and make your response to them a priority. Here are some suggestions single parents came up with to establish quality time in these areas: Start seeing times with our kids not as a chore but as a privilege Be deliberate about being 'present' in moments Remember your kids don't need "big" moments. Sometimes just being in the same room together for homework, bedtime or watching TV is enough. Do chores together. Make projects a family event. Even loading the dishwasher together can be quality time. Go to where they are and join them in what they are doing. Don't expect them to come to you. Be present in ordinary moments like picking them up and during car time. Stay off your phone when in their presence. Connect face to face with your kids whenever possible. Schedule it and let this be a non-negotiable on your calendar. Find something that can be done every day. Examples: read together at bedtime, make bedtime prayer a routine time together. Eat together with no technology. Create a list of easy activities or experiences you can choose from when the opportunity arises. Examples: Waiting for a sibling to finish an activity, google knock-knock jokes or play "Would You Rather?". Stop by the pet store or humane society to pet the dogs and cats, stop by the playground and play tag or swing for 20 minutes. Throughout your day and week, look for random moments where you can just enjoy being with your children. Have FUN! Be silly. Whether in the rituals and routines of your daily lives or in the random moments that pop up here and there, take every opportunity you can to be responsive to your kids. If they had a hard day or seem out of sorts, put what you can aside and give them your undivided attention. Even 5-10 minutes can pay off. If they have a question, put your phone down and make eye contact. Demonstrate you are there when they need you. With quality time, especially as single parents, it comes down to being deliberate with what we have and intentionally carving out simple moments to be special. Remember, it's not about quantity, and it doesn't have to be big, it just needs to be authentic and real. Join our community - facebook.com/SoloParentSociety
