Afleveringen
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87: Nearly one in five teachers in England has been hit by a pupil this year, according to a BBC survey.
But it's not just in England. Stricter school discipline is making a comeback to Australian classrooms in a bid to help teachers stamp out disruptive behaviour. France is bringing back school uniforms to tackle the issue, and in America, more than 70% of 1,000 educators said in a recent national survey that students are misbehaving more now than they did before the pandemic in 2019.Meanwhile, teachers are leaving the profession faster than they're joining in the UK, and school avoidance rates are at an all-time high. It's a complex issue that Simon Currigan talks about a lot on his podcast, School Behaviour Secrets.
Empathise with their position - connection before correction.Boundaries based on values.Problem-solving - get them to engage in coming up with solutions.
In this conversation he gives us his version of what's happening, gives us a top tip on how to deal with a teen when they've lost control, the importance of asking why... at least five times, and gives us a framework for understanding school avoidance.
NOTES TO SUPPORT THE PODCAST:
SEND - Special Educational Needs and Disability
SEMH - Social Emotional Mental Health needs; part of SEND
EMOTION COACHING:The Toyota Five
Relationship problemAnxiety Identity - what do people like me do in a situation like this?Direction - where they are focusing so it can be a desire to be out of school because of what's happening at home. Environment - is the school too overstimulating or do they have sensory needs?Dislocation - do they feel unwelcome in the school community, as if they don't belong.
RAIDED framework for understanding school avoidance:Support the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
86: My aunt and uncle provide a huge amount of free childcare so that their son and daughter-in-law can work, but many say that's not been their experience. The Boomers have become notorious as a generation who are known to have reaped the rewards of the post-war boom but who appear to be more interested in travelling and enjoying themselves than supporting the next generation in their child-rearing struggles.
Having a living parent who's 65 or older whilst raising a child under 18 is Pew Research's definition of someone in the Sandwich Generation. Being a Sandwich Generation parent in an ailing economy, means being pulled in many directions at the same time.
Pew says 'not only do many provide care and financial support to their parents and their children, but nearly four-in-ten (38%) say both their grown children and their parents rely on them for emotional support.'In this episode we talk about the trials of the Sandwich Generation, and it's rather more nuanced than the headlines make it sound. We discuss how important it is for us all to build community, to have open discussions about our needs and expectations, and to live in the season of our life.
Gen Z – 1997 – 2012 Millennials were born between 1981 and 1996 Gen X were born between 1965 and 1980Boomers can be broken into two segments (Beresford research) – the first is 1946 and 1954 and the second is 1955-1964And the Silent Generation who were born between 1928 and 1945
GENERATION: PEW RESEARCH DEFINITIONRESOURCES USED:
https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/01/30/the-sandwich-generation/#:~:text=A%20Profile%20of%20the%20Sandwich,are%20pulled%20in%20many%20directions.
https://www.newsweek.com/who-are-sandwich-generation-children-caring-parents-1778400
https://www.investopedia.com/terms/s/sandwichgeneration.asp#:~:text=The%20sandwich%20generation%2C%20in%20the,%2C%20adult%20children%2C%20and%20grandchildren.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandwich_generation#Development_of_the_concept_and_definition
https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210128-why-the-sandwich-generation-is-so-stressed-out
https://www.washingtonpost.com/parenting/2023/03/22/caregivers-sandwich-generation/Support the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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85: Nobody likes making mistakes, but some of us find it much harder than others. Whilst most of us look on with admiration at the kid who's prepared to keep working until they do things perfectly, underlying that drive can be a painful belief that they're never going to be good enough. The knock-on effect can be a lifetime of anguish and all sorts of issues with starting and finishing projects.
Perfectionism: What's Bad about Being Too Good? by Miriam Adderholdt-Elliott, Miriam Elliott, & Jan Goldberg (Monarch Books) When Perfect Isn't Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism by Martin M. Antony & Richard P. Swinson (New Harbinger Publications) When Good Enough Isn't Good Enough: The Real Deal on Perfectionism by Thomas S., Ph.D. Greenspon (Free Spirit Publishing)
So when our listener asked us to talk about how to help her daughter who's showing signs of being a perfectionist, we bumped it up our schedule.
In essence, we parents need to strive to avoid black and white thinking and find the middle path; a growth mindset that welcomes mistakes as an opportunity to learn, and the resilience to use those mistakes to try again.
BOOKS:
A lot of the research for this episode was drawn from an article by Amy Morin, the speaker who made 'The secret to becoming mentally strong. 'SOURCES:
https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2017/06/25/9-signs-youre-a-perfectionist-and-thats-not-a-good-thing/
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/young-adult/Pages/What-Fuels-Perfectionism.asp
https://www.verywellfamily.com/what-to-do-when-your-child-is-a-perfectionist-4147432
ANXIETY PDF:
//www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/OvercomingPerfectionism.pdfSupport the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
84: What we give our kids to spend, and when, is a perennial problem for all parents. Money is a really tricky topic in any relationship; behind it lurks power, responsibility, and freedom.
When our kids hit their tween and teen years their needs and desires begin to rise rapidly, so how we enable them to get those things will have a lot to do with how we feel about handing them money, and what we say to them about it.
Early on, Rachel decided that she would use money during the teens years to begin the handover of respsonsibility in an attempt to teach her teens the value of budgetting and managing their own finances.
This episode is an opportunity to hear how her system works and - two years on from when she first talked about it - to hear one of her teenagers discuss what the system has done for her and her sister.
It's not perfect, nothing ever is, but hopefully listening to someone else's experience can help us all think through the best way to set up our own system that works for us.
Let us know what you think [email protected]Support the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
83: Many teenagers say their relationship with their parents is very stressful and they yearn to be able to get along better. They often feel that their parents are on their case all of the time and that they never talk about anything interesting or light-hearted.
Conflict is an inescapable part of parenting, but it doesn't need to be the only part. As parents, we can make such a difference by setting a more light-hearted tone. It's one of the best ways to build the bond in our relationship, which then makes it easier to deal with the more difficult parts of life.
Rachel asked listeners to share the ways in which they enjoy spending time with their teens and in today's episode we also share our own experiences of keeping it light and happy.
Hopefully, it will give us all faith that parenting teens can be enjoyable, and some ideas of ways in which we can keep our bond strong.Support the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
82: Grit is the ability to keep going toward a goal, even in spite of significant obstacles and distractions. It's a very apt name for the charity created by Dr Louise Randall, who was seeing many kids coming into her doctor's surgery needing help with difficult problems - such as self harm, eating disorders, and other mental health issues - and very little help available.
HungryAngryLateTired
In this interview we talk about how she uses boxing to teach resilience to help teens connect with their place in life and their own bodies, in a meaningful and healing way .
One thing I love about this interview is that Louise gave us parents some of her top tips. Although she was reluctant, I pointed out that this podcast is all about helping parents to realise that we don't need to be experts to be good parents. We can all offer tips and support to each other because we all gets things wrong but we also learn things that might help others. Removing the judgement is critical to allowing us all to grow and do better.
A great acronym to remind us not to talk with our teens about something that's been bothering us if we are:
HALTThe beautiful letter recommended by Louise:
https://gretchenschmelzer.com/parents-corner/2015/6/23/the-letter-your-teenager-cant-write-you?format=ampSupport the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
81: Does a goldfish have a longer attention span than us humans - as a Microsoft study found - or do we believe the latest study on concentration which says adults have actually increased in their ability to pay attention since the 1990's?
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/377035152_Is_there_a_Flynn_effect_for_attention_Cross-temporal_meta-analytical_evidence_for_better_test_performance_1990-2021https://pure.hw.ac.uk/ws/portalfiles/portal/106082041/1-s2.0-S0191886923003409-main.pdfhttps://www.csoonline.com/article/551475/microsoft-goldfish-have-higher-attention-spans-than-we-do-thanks-to-digital-lifestyles.htmlhttps://www.theguardian.com/money/2010/jul/24/secret-to-improving-concentration#:~:text=Fuel%20your%20mind.,water%20as%20dehydration%20impoverishes%20concentration. https://time.com/3858309/attention-spans-goldfish/
The latest study made us wonder about what's really going on, because we all know that gamers have phenomenal powers of concentration, but the rest of us feel we're struggling with attention.
Perhaps our real problem is a lack of focus caused by too many choices for what we could be doing.
In this episode, we talk about the two studies, other studies relating to the problems associated with too much choice, the impact of sleep-deprivation, and positive ways in which we can help ourselves to get things done in our daily lives.
TED talk:
The gratification monkey - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arj7oStGLkU
BOOKS:
The Collapse of Parenting by Leonard Sachs
THE MAIN STUDY:
(https://standard.asl.org/27705/uncategorized/social-media-causes-attention-spans-to-drop/#:~:text=According%20to%20a%20survey%20conducted,use%2C%20was%20distracting%20to%20them.)Support the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
79: Sometimes it's good to talk about our own challenges. The occasional chat in which we discuss the sorts of things we've been facing can help to dispel any myths that other people have got things sorted, and can also give you ideas of how to reframe your own battles.
In this episode we cover how important it is to keep reminding ourselves to not take things personally. We talk about a teen who has battled through numerous issues and come out looking like a swan. The key message is that we want our teens realise that it takes time to get there. She didn't pop out fully-formed, but the battles she's faced have made her far more powerful - and dare I say happier.
We talk about how uncomfortable it can feel for us parents when our teen starts falling in love. We've covered the gritty 'teens having sex in our home', but this is more about the feelings we can experience as our child becomes romantically entangled.
The final reflection covers how difficult and challenging it can feel to be presented with new facts which require us to change our mind about something we believe to be true.
Let us know what you think; we always love feedback and any suggestions for new episodes.
CHAPTERS:
00:02:02 Not taking things personally
00:05:47 Building resilience through hardship one step at a time
00:14:53 The importance of practice
00:16:43 Coping with your teen's first relationship
00:20:21 Same-sex relationship
00:29:32 The importance of being able to change your mind when you have new factsSupport the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
78: Many teens roll their eyes if they hear people talking about manners. The concept sounds old fashioned - like something that should be relegated to the Victorian past - but often what they're thinking about is etiquette rather than manners.
I went into the differences, and nuances, of manners in part two of this previous episode:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-23-coping-with-an-empty-nest-and-manners-what-they-are-and-why-do-they-matter/
For this episode I've been joined by Brooke Romney, the author of 52 Modern Manners for Teens, about the vital role manners have in setting up our teens for success.
I mentioned a few previous episodes in the podcast. What do you think about manners? Do you have any particular ones that really matter to you.
Supporting your teen with meeting people and making friends:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-26-friendships-how-to-support-your-teens-social-skills-in-making-and-keeping-friends/
Posting bikini shots:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/75-why-are-girls-posting-bikini-pics-and-what-should-we-say-about-them/
Setting high expectations:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/76-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/
SECTIONS:Social norms, manners, and relationships in teenagers. (2:06)
Parental intentions and manners education for teenagers. (7:18)
Social manners and etiquette for teenagers. (10:03)
Teenage social skills and online etiquette. (16:52)
Teaching teens social skills and emotional intelligence. (21:31)
Empowering teens through skills and teamwork. (26:11)
Support the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
77: We've all got a past, but telling our kids about what happened in it is a tricky subject. Whether it's all about the fun - sex and drugs and rock and roll - or things that caused deep trauma, there's a good chance that our teens will start asking questions at any point.
Trauma, parenting, and sexual assault. (0:02)Bonding with adult children through shared experiences. (1:12)Parenting and teenage mental health. (4:09)How to answer children's awkward questions. (10:29)Parenting and honesty with teenagers. (14:18)Sharing personal stories with children for emotional growth. (21:28)Navigating difficult conversations with children after trauma. (23:41)Sharing traumatic experiences with children. (27:31)
Sometimes they're genuinely curious they want to connect, and get to know what makes the human that's one of the most important people in their life. Other questions are just an attempt at getting a free pass to do things that they might otherwise be held back from.
Opening up, and being honest with them, can help them in the process of growing up. It will help them to understand why you operate the way you do, and create a deeper connection with you. If we are too open with our kids we risk flipping the table and turning them into our own therapists or parents.
In this episode we delve into the issues involved, and talk about how we parents can tread that difficult line with our kids.
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-20-how-to-talk-to-your-teenagers-about-drugs-and-how-to-deal-with-a-teenager-who-says-they-dont-want-to-see-the-other-parent/
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-2-should-we-be-letting-our-teenagers-drink-alcohol-and-what-should-we-be-telling-them-about-it-also-how-to-stay-connected/
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-3-techniques-for-talking-with-your-teenager-and-teenagers-having-sex-in-your-home/
SEGMENTS:
https://edition.cnn.com/2014/03/04/living/parents-telling-kids-about-past-drug-use/index.html
https://www.parentcircle.com/things-parents-to-remember-before-talking-to-children-about-past-life/article
https://theritesofpassage.biz/how-much-of-my-own-sexual-past-should-i-share-with-my-kids/
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jul/16/i-was-raped-how-much-should-i-tell-my-children
https://community.babycenter.com/post/a30429415/do_you_think_its_ever_right_to_tell_your_teenage_child_you_were_rapedabused
https://apn.com/resources/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-your-past/
https://drlizhale.com/talking-to-your-child-about-your-past/
https://www.moralrevolution.com/blog/Talking-to-your-kids-about-your-past
https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/parenting/ages-and-Support the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
76: One of the trickiest questions for parents is how to set expectations that help our kids thrive and grow without crushing them or making them feel low self-esteem or shame.
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-10-helping-your-teen-navigate-friendship-groups-particularly-girls-and-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-giving-up-at-the-first-hurdle/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-5-how-do-you-motivate-a-teenager-who-isnt-very-academic-what-to-do-when-your-teenager-says-they-want-to-give-up-their-musical-instrument-or-other-activity/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/40-exam-revision-parenting-through-the-pressure/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/38-talking-to-teachers-about-your-teen-how-best-to-do-it-and-why-it-still-matters/
If we don't set expectations we run the risk of making our kids feel like nothing they do really matters, so they can feel overlooked and apathetic about life, but we've all heard about parents who damage their kids through unreasonable demands. Our expectations are born out of our own ideas of what matters, so how do we know that we're not pushing toxic ideas on to our kids?
In this episode we talk about how today's society has come expect very little of our teens, whilst seemingly piling on pressure and expecting too much. We talk about how critical the growth mind set is, the stages we go through in learning a skill, and how we parents can support out teens to grow a wide range of important skills without damaging their self-esteem in the process.
PREVIOUS EPISODES THAT ARE RELEVANT:
Episodes 5, 10, 38 & 40THE SKILL MATRIX:
Unconscious incompetence.Conscious incompetence.Conscious competence.Unconscious competence.QUESTIONS THAT WILL EMPOWER YOUR TEENAGER:
Are the expectations placed upon me realistic? Do they align with my values? Is meeting those expectations within my control? What and how do I communicate if the expectations are unreasonable or make me resentful?https://www.sec-ed.co.uk/content/best-practice/nqt-special-what-do-high-expectations-actually-look-like/
https://sonyalooney.com/the-paradox-of-expectations-pressure-and-comparison-in-sport-and-life/
https://www.teachwithmrst.com/post/setting-clear-expectations
Teach Like a Champion by Doug Lemov
Marie Amaro, principal presenter at the You Tube channel the Highly Effective Teacher
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/life-smarts/202004/parental-expectations-the-helpful-and-the-harmfulSupport the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
75: They're everywhere. Tabloid news feeds and social media are awash with photos of girls and women in bikinis, and why not? Women's bodies are beautiful and through antiquity the female form has been admired.
Yet many parents are deeply uncomfortable with the type of photos being posted, the age of the girls when they do it, and what it all means about them.
When Sharon asked us to talk about what's going on, and how she can help her daughter think more about her own values, and what she is posting, we knew it was a great topic for us.
EMOTIONAL EATING HELP:
https://www.helpguide.org/ARTICLES/diets/emotional-eating.htmRESEARCH:
https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/bikini-selfie
https://her.ie/life/instagram-rule-created-teenagers-beyond-frightening-327076
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-66877718Support the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
74: Diets, and an obsession with weight, are so much a part of Western culture that it's hardly surprising our teens can struggle to understand how to eat well.
When I researched the topic for episode 9, I discovered that many experts are using mindful - or intuitive - eating to treat patients who develop disordered eating patterns. Indeed, the Intuitive Eating Workbook, which is now in its fourth edition, is recommended on the website of the UK's premier eating disorder charity Beat.
I reached out to Elyse Resch who is co-author of that book, because she has a long list of academic and industry accreditations, and decades of experience in dealing with eating issues. Even better, she's created The Intuitive Eating Workbook for Teens to help our kids at one of this vulnerable stage.
I’m delighted that she agreed to help us unpick how we are talking with our teens about this tricky subject.
CONTACT ELYSE RESCH:
[email protected]
https://elyseresch.com/EResch/
DEALING WITG EMOTIONAL EATING:
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/diets/emotional-eating.htm
THE TEN PRINCIPLES OF INTUITIVE EATING:
https://www.intuitiveeating.org/10-principles-of-intuitive-eating/
• Reject the Diet Mentality. Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you the false hope of losing weight quickly, easily, and permanently
• Honour Your Hunger. Keep your body biologically fed with adequate energy and carbohydrates. Otherwise you can trigger a primal drive to overeat
• Make Peace with Food. If you tell yourself that you can’t or shouldn’t have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings and, often, bingeing.
• Challenge the Food Police. Scream a loud no to thoughts in your head that declare you’re “good” for eating minimal calories or “bad” because you ate a piece of chocolate cake.
• Discover the Satisfaction Factor. When you eat what you really want, in an environment that is inviting, the pleasure you derive will be a powerful force in helping you feel satisfied and content.
• Feel Your Fullness. Pause in the middle of eating and ask yourself how the food tastes, and what your current hunger level is.
• Cope with Your Emotions. Food won’t fix any of these feelings. It may comfort for the short term, distract from the pain, or even numb you. But food won’t solve the problem.
• Respect Your Body. Accept your genetic blueprint. Just as a person with a shoe size of eight would not expect to realistically squeeze into a size six, it is equally futile (and uncomfortable) to have a similar expectation about body size.
• Exercise—Feel the Difference. Shift your focus to how it feels to move youSupport the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
73: My teen daughter has told me that the fact I am open about my own failings, and quick to apologise, makes it much easier to trust me and to feel safe admitting when she's gone wrong.
It's so easy to look back and see our mistakes, or where we might have done things better, but it’s hard to admit to them and forgive ourselves. The truth is, it's incredibly difficult to get it right in the moment.
As we discuss in this episode, when it comes to the sliding doors versions of life we can never really know whether a different path would have turned out better. All we can do is to try our best with what we have right now.
We've made this episode to help you feel less alone and hopefully some good tips too.Support the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
72: When the other parent is inconsistent, or never turns up for your kid, it can be incredibly challenging for both of you. It's hard enough as it is, but can be even more challenging when they are abusing a substance, such as alcohol or drugs.
I didn’t cause itI can’t cure itI can’t control itI can care for myself by communicating my feelings, making healthy choices, and by celebrating myself.
When a listener told us about the difficulty she has parenting a teen son whose absent dad is an alcoholic we thought it was an important subject, and one worthy of discussion.
So how do we support a tween or teen in this position? What do we say to them? How do we help them with the feelings they might be having?
The National Association for Children of Alcoholics suggests using this mantra:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-34-bunking-wagging-hooky-skiving-or-school-refusal-whatever-you-call-it-too-many-teens-are-doing-it-but-why/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-14-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-and-how-to-set-rules-that-your-teens-will-follow/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/anxiety-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-according-to-renee-mill-senior-clinical-pscychologist/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-5-how-do-you-motivate-a-teenager-who-isnt-very-academic-what-to-do-when-your-teenager-says-they-want-to-give-up-their-musical-instrument-or-other-activity/
BACK TO SCHOOL ISSUES:
Support:
The National Association for Children of Alcoholics https://nacoa.org.uk/
https://allthingssimplywindy.com/how-to-deal-with-an-absent-dad/
https://www.weinbergerlawgroup.com/blog/newjersey-child-parenting-issues/help-children-handle-unreliable-parent/
https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/helping-a-child-cope-with-an-absent-parent/
https://fathers.com/blog/consistency/what-consistency-looks-like-in-a-dad-5-keys/
https://elisabettafranzoso.com/articles/types-of-damaging-fathers-how-they-influence-who-we-are
https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-talk-to-children-about-absentee-fathers-2997224
https://www.wikihow.com/Help-a-Child-Cope-with-a-No%E2%80%90Show-Parent
https://wehavekids.com/family-relationships/When-Daddy-Dont-Love-Their-Daughters-What-Happens-to-Women-Whose-Fathers-Werent-There-for-Them
https://www.joincake.com/blog/death-of-a-father-I-never-knew/
https://www.lipstickalley.com/threads/my-sons-father-is-inconsistent.4623629/
https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/alcohol-abuse/explaining-alcoholism-child/
https://www.parentingforbrain.com/parental-rejection/
https://www.riversidecounsellingservice.co.uk/2020/06/09/absent-father-identity-issues/Support the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
We're back with the first fresh episode of 2024. What a good time to talk about some of the things we've been reading, listening to, and watching, along with some news stories.
Mel RobbinsUnpublished Good Bad BillionaireEverything Is FineSearch Engine: Why can't we just turn the empty offices into apartments?
Let us know what you think. We're always interested in any feedback; positive or negative, and we'd love to hear from you if you have any great recommendations. [email protected]
Podcasts recommended:TV:
Hunger GamesNetflix - Watch World War II: From the FrontlinesBook:
Do Hard Things: A teenage rebellion against low expectations by Alex and Brett Harris.Calendar app:
TimeTreeSchool:
PISA scores: https://www.oecd.org/publication/pisa-2022-results/country-notesEmotionally based school avoidance: https://www.leedsbeckett.ac.uk/student-anxiety-guideSupport the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
We've all done it; new year, new me. By January the 11th the lustre has rubbed off our shiny resolutions and we're back to our old habits.
The reality is that making resolutions and getting them to stick is harder than we'd like it to be. So how do we make changes in our parenting and our family in a way that will continue to work after the fireworks and fun?
In this podcast:
We talk about uncovering the intention behind the resolution.
How to unpack those big problems to find a smaller goal to guide you.
How to use small habits in your day to make those big changes more easy.
And how using positivity can keep us going.
Ask your teen what key change they would like to see and don't react badly to the answerFind one on one time with each childDon't text and driveCreate a tech contractCreate a chores contractYell lessListen moreSort out sleep routinesEnd your work dayFind space for youDon't judge out loudLet your teen cook once a weekDon't judge people out loudLet your teen make their mistakes so they learn from themDemonstrate the behaviour you want to seePractice gratitudeBuild a parent tribe of others who're in a similar situationMake time for your partnerGet outside moreSit down to family meals more oftenFind games or activities you can all enjoy together
Some ideas:
Resources:
Small Move Big Change by Caroline Arnold.
https://beenke.com/parenting/parenting-resolutions-you-can-actually-keep/
https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/980167/new-years-resolutions-for-parents-of-teens/
https://www.rootsofaction.com/resolutions-that-can-change-your-teens-life/
https://hms.harvard.edu/news/uncontrollable-anger-prevalent-among-youthSupport the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Christmas is marketed as a time of magic and joy, but when it comes to your teenagers does it feel more like a time of pressure to deliver expensive gifts - and disappointment?
https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/GGSC-JTF_White_Paper-Gratitude-FINAL.pdfhttps://www.parentingforbrain.com/how-to-deal-with-an-ungrateful-teenager/https://yourteenmag.com/family-life/communication/holiday-disappointment/amphttps://admin.bridesblush.com/trends/ungrateful-christmas-tb/https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/being-mum-794/tweens-teens-61/1596349-ungrateful-teen-tween.htmlhttps://slate.com/human-interest/2012/12/ungrateful-teens-on-christmas-it-s-time-to-stop-the-generational-internet-shaming.htmlhttps://mamamanages.com/ungrateful-child-problem-solving/https://www.blinkist.com/en/shortcasts/the-happiness-lab/309https://www.blinkist.com/en/app/books/leading-with-gratitude-en
One of our regular listeners has asked us to research and discuss how to better deal with a teenager's lack of gratitude when things don't live up to their expectations, and our feeling that they don't appreciate what's been done for them.
RESOURCES:Support the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
We all have traditional times when our extended families come together to celebrate, give thanks, and share the warmth of mutual love. In the UK, December is a non-stop reel of songs about 'Simply having a wonderful Christmas time', and Instagram is awash with pictures of happy celebrations.
Being with our family can give us a welcome chance to relax and be accepted for who we are but - let's be honest - it can also bring out the worst in us. The break in routine - where everyone is forced together - can be a difficult adjustment. The expense can be crippling. Travelling to see family can be stressful, and then the raised expectations can set up the entire event for failure.We've all been there, so here are our tips on how to make the most of those gatherings when you have teenagers in the house.
https://www.family-action.org.uk/our-voices/2021/11/12/connecting-with-teenagers-at-christmas/
https://www.bacp.co.uk/news/news-from-bacp/2021/16-december-coping-with-family-pressures-and-expectations-in-the-run-up-to-christmas/
https://www.bristol.ac.uk/news/2021/december/avoiding-stressful-christmas.html
https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/wellbeing/a29321/how-to-deal-with-family-fallout-at-christmas/
https://www.stylist.co.uk/life/best-advice-family-christmas/605760Support the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
It's our two year anniversary, and what a ride it's been! Since we're taking a break to spend time with our families, we thought it would be the perfect time to reflect on what we think are the best things we've learned over the years, and signpost which episodes you might want to listen to again.
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-3-techniques-for-talking-with-your-teenager-and-teenagers-having-sex-in-your-home/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-teenagers-37-our-overreactions-make-us-feel-awful-and-dont-even-achieve-anything-positive-so-what-can-we-do-to-stop-them-from-happening/
Key episodes discussed:
The blog https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/two-years-on-and-some-of-the-episodes-that-have-impacted-me-most/
Talking techniques:Consequences:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-32-consequences-and-the-teen-who-doesnt-seem-to-care/Blog on consequences: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/Online:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-9-how-to-help-your-teens-manage-their-screen-time-and-talking-to-them-about-healthy-eating-without-giving-them-an-eating-disorder/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-4-protecting-your-tweenteen-from-doing-something-illegal-with-their-phone-camera-aka-sexting-also-how-and-why-you-might-give-your-teen-an-allowance/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-13-why-talking-to-your-teen-about-pornography-is-more-important-now-than-its-ever-been-and-great-ways-to-spend-time-with-your-teen/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-33-boys-online-we-urgently-need-to-talk-about-red-pills-role-models-and-the-manosphere/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/66-online-grooming-how-to-keep-our-teens-and-tweens-safe-how-to-spot-if-your-child-has-fallen-pre/Secondary school and anxiety:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-34-bunking-wagging-hooky-skiving-or-school-refusal-whatever-you-call-it-too-many-teens-are-doing-it-but-why/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-5-how-do-you-motivate-a-teenager-who-isnt-very-academic-what-to-do-when-your-teenager-says-they-want-to-give-up-their-musical-instrument-or-other-activity/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-14-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-and-how-to-set-rules-that-your-teens-will-follow/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/anxiety-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-according-to-renee-mill-senior-clinical-pscychologist/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/38-talking-to-teachers-about-your-teen-how-best-to-do-it-and-why-it-still-matters/Support the Show.
Thanks for listening.
Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk - Laat meer zien
