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"ROYAL BLOOD!" Well, Cannonheads. The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) have one last Cannon hurrah before shooting up the coffin of The Cannon Canon. The Cannon Canon is taking an indefinite hiatus (possibly returning with a new format/focus in the future) and what better way to send us off than with Cannon's "final" movie, HELLBOUND!
In this episode, The Cannon Bros reminisce about their 4-year run and FINALLY try Bronson's cologne, Mandom! We chat about the wild tone shifts of Hellbound, the proto-Walker Texas Ranger vibes, the heavy lifting of acting from Calvin Levels and of course...thuddy quips from the âblack hole of comedyâ, Molasses 2x4!
Thank you to everyone who listened and supported the show! Especially to our Patreon members and also to the author of The Cannon Film Guide series himself, Austin Trunick.
We thought we'd be the future! But then Marion Cobretti pointed his gun at us and said, "No. You're history".
Thanks for everything, Cannon fans.
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"So long, Sport." The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are back in Cannon Prestige territory with a stacked cast and some classy sleaze with "52 PICK UP"!
Roy Scheider plays an ego-driven jerk, John Glover goes full Philly, poor Ann-Margret gets put through the wringer, Clarence Williams the III steals the show and once again.. Vanity!
âSomething about your face makes me want to slap the sh!t out of you!" is what The Cannon Bros would say if you missed this episode!
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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"This coke's kinda sweet. It's really good stuff!" The movie so nice (?) Golan and Globus made it twice! First as Lemon Popsicle and then updated for American audiences in the 80's. That's right, today the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) break out the Oingo Boingo for yet another teen sex comedy, THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN! Starring the most unlikeable whiny ass character besides the kid in "Over The Top" (which is actually pretty accurate for a teenage boy, so it gets a pass).
So bring your small Christmas trees and bag of oranges and "Come to Carmela!" *cue "Are You Ready for the Sex Girls"*
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"Welcome to the party, pal!" Now we have a Die Hard episode HoHoHo! That's right, we're steering the sleigh away from Cannon Town to deliver the gift of our thoughts on this Holiday classic.
Rub your feet on this episode carpet, grab a twinkie and declare "Yipee-ki-ya, *Mister Falcon"! (*edited for TV version).
(in Hans Gruber voice) Merry Christmas, Cannonheads.
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âThe dealâs going down. But itâs going down twisted." The Cannon Bros travel back to the Pyuniverse and get down twisted about 1987's "DOWN TWISTED"!
The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) get disoriented with all the (down) twists and turns, contemplate the "comedic relief" of the late Charles Rocket, some Cannon Oingo Boingo reuse and...oh yeah! Hey, it's Masters of the Universe's (and nothing else) Courtney Cox for a quick minute!
Ultimately, Albert Pyun's unique and signature style elevates what would normally be a static action crime adventure. But one thing's certain, it's...Down Twisted. đ
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"Swamp makes a body seeâŠwhatever they wants ta see." Get on your tuxes and cook up dat gumbo, cher! Cuz we're back in Prestige Cannon territory with a drama only Cannon can add a bit of sleaze to... SHY PEOPLE!
The Cannon Bros define what "Boomer Emo Porn" is, covet Martha Plimpton's shirt collection, discuss ACT-ING and finally get to go on a proper Tangerine Dream tangent.
âNow get yo mamma to stitch that up!â and crawl da swamps of data der Cannon Canon! (cajun laugh)
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"Ba-Ba-Ba---Banana!" The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) experience another existential crisis thanks to this Cannon Kids Classic, "Going Bananas"!
"Bonzo love Ben!" and The Cannon Cannon loves YOU, dear listener. *cue Dom DeLuise mug to camera*
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"The good news is your dates are here. The bad news is... they're dead." Today on the Cannon Canon, the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff), shout "Thrill me!" as they jam their skulls into another Loose Cannon just in time for SPOOKYYYYY season! It's a personal favorite, 1986's NIGHT OF THE CREEPS! In this episode, we give obligatory and heartfelt love for the spectacular Tom Atkins, talk more Shane Black, how "fun" isn't a bad thing and how we ALL âget off on living in the past."
It's an episode that'll have you wryly declaring, "classic spanky".
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âYou think that when you die, you go to heaven. You come to us!â The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are taking a spooky detour this episode to cover a favorite non-Cannon horror flick, PHANTASM II ! The Cannon Bros have been talking about this one for a while and Halloween season is the perfect excuse to finally talk about it, in all its Tall Man glory, BOY!
Phantasm II gets the Aliens treatment. Everything you loved in the first one gets a pumped-up, action-packed upgrade (and some sexy fun for good measure).
This episode will have you screaming, "It's only a dream!" *cue the Cannon Bros breaking through glass to drag you to a hell dimension* "NO! IT'S NOT!"
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âRock n roll. Iâll cover you!â Today on the Cannon Canon, the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) get a suggested "Could've Been A Cannon/Loose Cannon" from Patreon member, Ed Harris! The movie? 1986's The Howling II: Your Sister Is A Werewolf! Which had an HBO/Cannon Video VHS release (hence the "Loose Cannon").
Sir Christopher Lee musters up the strength to co-star with Reb Brown and Annie McEnroe, while a stunning Sybil Danning steals the show (and gets done dirty by the film's director and editor in the film's credit sequence).
This Could've Been A Cannon/Loose Cannon has lazily rewritten vampire to werewolf specifics, unsettling practical effects, explosive blood of Christ and a theme song that just. won't.quit! Literally. Also, was Robert Smith inspired by this theme song for The Cure's "Burn"?!
"It's not over yet"! So "bark at the moon", because "She-Wolf Stirba: Werewolf Bitch" is throwing a werewolf orgy at the Babel show! See you hair...um, there!
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"Nah, that was DAMN REAL!" Today on The Cannon Cannon, The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) take on Cannon's 3D venture...in 2D. That's right, we're talkin' 1983(D)'s TREASURE OF THE FOUR CROWNS! The Cannon Bros have to grade on a curve for this one since the movie CLEARLY makes use of the 3D gimmick and the only access at the moment is in 2D (until the Blu-ray gets bought for a future commentary episode). It's truly a head-scratching, slow-motion-loving early Cannon ride that the Cannon Bros can't help but be delighted by.
"I want you to taste what I taste!" *weird-looking dagger weasel pops out at you*
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"Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot ,Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot!"
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"State of the f#@%ing art, Alex!" Yes, the Cannon Bros are FINALLY covering it. By popular demand, it's 1992's NEMESIS ! The late Albert Pyun delivers some truly fun and WTF moments in this semi-sequel to Cyborg (Nemesis was first conceived as Albert Pyun's last film under a three-picture contract with Cannon drawn up in 1987). We consider this one both a COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON as well as a LOOSE CANNON.
Enjoy, ya Bio-Enhanced Gangsters!
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"But Seymour, thereâs another verse." "Not this time, Ma.â Today on The Cannon Canon, The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) are pleasantly surprised by the unassuming dark comedy, GRACE QUIGLEY! Katherine Hepburn, Nick Nolte and Kit Le Fever star in this charming off-beat dark comedy that's a mix of "Harold and Maude" and Dr. Jack Kevorkian's euthanasia. The cast is rounded out by some spectacular character actors (there's a Howard the Duck connection here) and a pace and tone that's just slightly off but works spectacularly when it hits. And of course, The Cannon Bros get existential as usual. Getting old and thinking about death is weird, y'all!
âToo slow, Mr. Flint. Too slow and too lonely." But this episode isn't too slow and you're never too lonely with The Cannon Canon!
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He's a Teen Wolf...Too! Today we cover a "Loose Cannon" (released by Cannon Screen Entertainment in the Netherlands), TEEN WOLF TOO! Part Teen Wolf, part Rocky and a dash of The Karate Kid.
Did you love the first movie? Get ready for most of the same beats but executed poorly! What's the parallel sport to high school basketball? COLLEGE BOXING, OF COURSE! Charmed by Michael J. Fox's Wolf? Jason Bateman's Wolf will have you muttering, "asshole". Add in a dash of Corey Feldman style choices, John Astin's charming and macabre scene-chewing, re-cast "returning" characters and a baffling song and dance number to "Do You Love Me (Now That I Can Dance)" and you've got Teen Wolf Too!
May all your montages be set to "Send Me An Angel". Awoooooooooo!!!
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It's "Murcan" Birthday Week, Plugots! What better way to celebrate our nation's birth than with Cannon's 1986's sci-fi apocalyptic "comedy", AMERICA 3000! Joining the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) at Cannon Bros Headquarters is returning guest, Adam "Macho" Bozarth ( Left Handed Radio, WLHR Fake Public Radio)!
We talk Desi Arnaz Jr connections, a Reagan/Bonzo/Aargh theory, missing strange discoveries via VHS and UHF and tips on how to run into Jon Hamm when you're in L.A.
Don't be cold woggos, be hot plastic Prezeedent!
*freeze frame on Aargh the Awful jumping in the air holding a boombox over his head*
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"Itâs called Ice. It was big in Japan, but I havenât seen it much here. It makes 'rock' look like decaf, babe." Today's "Could've Been A Cannon" is a true "WHAT IF?" What if Cannon had survived into the '90s? Golan and Globus DEFINITELY would've gotten a whiff of Showdown in Little Tokyo and touted it as "The movie that WILL beat Terminator 2!" while parading Brandon Lee and Dolph around Cannes. This is PURE non-Cannon Cannon!
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"Just the one pastrami then?" Today on The Cannon Canon the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) buddy up for this 1987 "buddy" cop flick, "NUMBER ONE WITH A BULLET". A movie that forces the Cannon Bros to ponder "WHY must you make us yearn for Jim Belushi?!" Billy Dee Williams plays...Billy Dee Williams and Robert Carradine is... severely miscast.
On the surface, this movie feels like a Lethal Weapon rip-off, EXCEPT...It came out mere 2 MONTHS after Lethal Weapon! Was it parallel thinking? Or a case of Cannon seeing an early Lethal Weapon screening and scrambling to add LW elements to Num1B? WHO KNOWS?! It's as baffling as Robert Carradine's (who we love otherwise) casting in this.
To quote Number One With A Bullet, "Check's in the mail." Check's in the mail indeed.
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"A chemical reaction got him some action!" Cannon Canon Patreon member, Daniel Levitt, picked this month's COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON and oh, baby...this bizarre and sometimes off-putting "Sex Comedy" is quite the package. 1985's "The Party Animal" is an interesting entry ("hot beef injection"?) into the beloved 80's "sex comedy" genre.
The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) can't help but put their tweed leather-elbowed comedy professor blazers on to dissect what the hell is even going on with "The Party Animal". It's a movie with the most unlikeable protagonist and a surprisingly great punk soundtrack. At one point the movie turns into a proto-"Clerks"? And the main plot hits in its THIRD ACT?!
It's an episode that will have you saying âOoohWeee! Look at what the gods sent me!â
*farts* "Scusi."
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Murder She Wolf! Today the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) trek to grandmotherâs house (in this case Golan & Globus' house of Cannon) to cover the 1985 surreal horror fantasy THE COMPANY OF WOLVES! Neil Jordan gets to Neil Jordan with this one. It's a "modern" somewhat anthology-like twist to Little Red Riding Hood...by way of Cannon and Neil Jordan of course.
Weâre lycan this one! Just remember, âNever trust a man whose eyebrows meet.âOUR PATREON: â â patreon.com/thecannoncanonâ â
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