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  • Here's part two of our wide-ranging discussion with Lois McMaster Bujold, author of the Vorkosigan Saga and the Five Gods series!

    Possible show titles

    Emo Gregor

    Recommendations

    The Untamed

    Xianxia

    Hotel Del Luna

    Mushi-Shi

    A Hero Born

    Fallout (TV show)

    The Doctor's Watcher podcast

    Classic Doctor Who on Britbox

    Jeff's podcasts

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

    Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)

    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024

    Here’s James website for all his activities:

    jameslark.co.uk

    Links

    Hiroshima and Nagisaki

    polygraph tester who used his system on plants

    Doctor Who episode: "The Giggle"

    Poul Anderson

    Fred Pohl

    Harlan Ellison

    Jo Walton

    Among Others

    Sylvia Kelso

    SIFF/Nebula

    Mary Robinette Kowal

    The Calculating Stars

    Shades of Milk and Honey

    Sorcery and Cecilia: or The Enchanted Cooking Pot

    Caroline Stevermer

    Death of the Author

    Bujold's Goodreads blog

    Stephen King vs The Shining

    Soleil's The Warrior's Apprentice

    Vorkosigan Saga GURPS Sourcebook

    Steve Jackson Games

    Car Wars

    Illuminati: The Game of Conspiracy

    Sherlock Holmes

    Horatio Hornblower

    Lord of the Rings

    James H Schmitz - Telzey Amberdon

    Cordwainer Smith - worlds of the Instrumentality

    CJ Cherryh

    Gate of Ivrel

    The Dark Tower

    The Rise of Skywalker

    Diplomatic Immunity

    Captain Vorpatril's Alliance

    Gentleman Jole and the Red Queen

    uterine replicators

    Brave New World

    Japanese guy busted for hiring multiple surrogate mothers

    Swedish childrens' rights to access their biological parents

    Isaac Asimov

    the Amazon island trope

    bioweapons

    the Haut (pronounced hawt)

  • Legendary SF author, Lois McMaster Bujold, joins Sofia and Jeff to cover all manner of fascinating subjects, including the Vorkosigan Saga and the Five Gods series. You won't be disappointed! Stay tuned for Part 2!

    Jeff's podcasts

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

    Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)

    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024

    Here’s James website for all his activities:

    jameslark.co.uk

    Possible show titles

    Emo Gregor

    Links

    The Wonderful Flight to the Mushroom Planet

    Robert Heinlein juveniles

    Star Trek

    Forbidden Planet

    The Vor Game

    The Greatest Generation

    Doctor Who

    The Incomparable

    Shards of Honor

    The Warrior's Apprentice

    tight third-person

    Pat Wrede "writers get different things for free"

    carbon copies

    Alexandre Dumas

    Ethan of Athos

    Lillian Stewart Carl

    Dreamweaver's Dilemma

    Proto Zoa

    Coleco Adam

    Worldcon

    Betsy Mitchell

    Baen Books

    Patrick Nielsen Hayden

    Analog Magazine

    Hugo Awards

    The Whole Man

    The Ship Who Sang

    Falling Free

    Barrayar

    Borders of Infinity

    Brothers in Arms

    Toni Weisskopf

    On Strategy: The Vietnam War in Context

    Roman story about Christian martyrs frozen on a lake

    Ender's Game

    Prisoner's Dilemma

    Ron Miller

    Spockinalia

    John Ayotte

    in medias res

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  • In this episode, James Lark returns to discuss chapters 11 thru 14 of Jonathan Stroud's fantasy masterpiece, The Amulet of Samarkand. In these chapters, we discuss Peter Rabbit, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, being handcuffed to your enemy, the election of popes, and more!

    Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam!

    https://discord.gg/vtJnpkhd



    Recommendations

    Conclave (2024)

    Blue Velvet

    Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (2016)

    Citadel Diana


    Possible Show Titles

    A Noble Entity From Another Place

    Unwillingly Entwined

    Suppress the Fanboy

    Obscene and Fetid and Fug

    Jeff's podcasts

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

    Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)



    James's podcast

    Neurotic Literature



    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024

    Here’s James website for all his activities:

    jameslark.co.uk




    Social Media

    Jeff Richardson

    @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon

    James Lark

    @worksoflark on Instagram and @jameslark on Twitter



    Links



    "Resurrection of the Daleks" - Doctor Who

    Joe Ford, podcaster extraordinaire

    genius loci from Dresden Files

    Mills and Boone romance novels

    American Psycho

    the real Gladstone and Disraeli

    Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle

    Nicholas Nickleby

    The Jungle by Upton Sinclair

    Hugo

    The Avengers

    Lois McMaster Bujold

    Strictly Come Hamster

    Gary Russell

    election of a pope

    Isabella Rossellini

    Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (2016)

    Peter Rabbit

    Watership Down

    Dirk Gently (2010)

    Sherlock

    Douglas Adams

    Life, the Universe and Everything

    Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

    Doctor Who (TV movie)

    "Web of Fear" - Doctor Who




    Extended Notes

    Chapter 11

    B is impressed that N is framing his master

    N denies it

    B explains how unusual it is to target your own master, especially so early in your education

    B explains how apprenticeship is meant to work

    "Since the days of the Median Magi, students have always lived alone in their mentors’ house—one master to one pupil, conducting their lessons with secrecy and stealth. From ziggurat to pyramid, from sacred oak to skyscraper, thousands of years pass and things don’t change."

    B likes that the kid is so ambitious, willing to get his master killed

    B hadnt heard of Underwood so he figured he was a lowlevel nobody. This suggests that B has been summoned in the past few decades (unless wizards have extra long lifespans)

    "he had all the time-honored attributes that other humans associate with great and powerful magic: a mane of unkempt hair the color of tobacco ash, a long whitish beard that jutted outward like the prow of a ship, and a pair of particularly bristly eyebrows."

    Martha is fully dressed and B is relieved. He must not like female nudity - that or hes not into older women

    Underwood complains about the spider (B) to Martha

    B goes to study, sees a pentacle on the door

    B puts on a shield

    the amulet sucks up the fire from the trap

    he slips in and sees the study

    he remarks that the security is pretty weak

    he goes into the cabinet and is underwhelmed by the objects inside

    he slides the amulet behind a bird token

    B goes up stairs but stops when he sees Mrs U leading N down

    N knows hes screwed because B is supposed to quietly stick near to him until summoned

    U is so rude to N and his wife

    B hears Nathaniels name!

    B studies the boys appearance and manner

    B capers to attract Ns attention

    Underwood complains about the PM hanging with Makepeace, who writes misonformation into his plays

    he thinks the PM should help the interior dept instead of socializing

    U says N has done well enough to perform his first summoning

    U thinks the boy is scared of summoning but its actually cuz N is tripping about B hearing his real name

    the plan is to summon a natterjack impling or a mouler. B is unimpressed

    Ns contact lenses have arrived

    N hears a noise at the door

    U disregards it

    he wants N to bring a book of names

    N clearly can tell B got his name

    The boots were on the other eight feet now

    Chapter 12

    He complains about U not teaching him enough

    he says how hes read all these books

    N says its peaceful and he likes the statue. Who is it?

    Its Gladstone!

    he was a powerful PM

    fought duel with Disraeli over a woman

    he gets shirty about it and starts ranting about how good the govt is

    she explains that some countries dont need magicians

    he says she doesnt know anything because shes a commoner

    she says commoners can be smart

    he asks if she wanted to be a wizard

    she says no and shes happy to be an art teacher

    N is surprised she has other pupils

    it makes me feel queasy

    Mrs U blows in frantic

    Apparently U wants him to meet some guests

    Miss L thinks this is good news

    U is daunted by the thought of meeting all these magicians

    they dont look like magicians

    N is underwhelmed

    U is schmoozing

    when he sees N he waves him over

    meets three wizards

    old tomato face

    clammy doughboy

    slickback big teeth aka simon lovelace

    doughboy has a question

    big teeth is super rude

    N contradicts one of them

    U sends him away

    BT observes that hes not afraid of his elders

    perhaps you dont think we're your betters?

    N doesnt answer cuz hes confused

    BT demands a quiz from N

    U isnt protecting him at all

    N answers all the questions right

    Simon asks him about six words of direction

    U objects because he shouldnt know that yet

    N does it

    men are impressed

    SL says some rude shit and N claps back

    calls him a sore loser

    SL has demons attack the boy

    everyone is staring at N

    he looks to U who is mad at him instead of SL?

    he leaves and goes upstairs

    he runs into Mrs U

    he asks her who the bigteeth guy is

    she says its Simon Lovelace

    repetition of You're capable of nothing. You're helpless. You're too weak to fight back

    does James ever use this technique?

    he goes to the workroom and grabs the box of mites

    the party is breaking up, with wizards at the door.

    N says the words and smashes the box with a hammer

    the six mites go for the magicians

    Simon bats his away

    dough face falls down outside and gets a couple attacking his skin

    old man barely reacts, sending his into the carpet, where Simon smashes it with his foot

    U is shocked. He goes to doughface and deactivates the mites

    N rushes to the schoolroom

    Ms Lutyens is there

    she realizes N is upset and goes to comfort him

    SL uses magic to lift N into the air, tips him up butt first, and spanks him repeatedly until he loses all sense

    hes stuck in his room for a month, punished severely. he hd no lessons and could only sit in his room and look out the window

    he finds a pen and starts sketching the outside. then he begins intricately plotting his revenge

    did you plot anything at age 10? seems unusual

    Mrs U is forbidden from talking to him

    when school starts again he learns that Ms Lutyens has been fired

    chapter 13

    he spends a lot of time in the garden, plotting revenge or reading books

    he looks to the statue of Gladstone for inspiration, to keep his determination up

    he plans to emulate Gladstone by punishing his enemies

    N decides to come at Lovelace with sneakiness and trickery, not head on

    N pretends to be reformed, wearing a meek and pliant mask

    he controls his face just like a master liar/sociopath

    he doesnt see U as his master anymore

    Underwood not defending him made N lose all respect. A master should treat an apprentice like their child

    why didnt U protect him? because hes a coward afraid of Lovelace's power

    did you ever have a situation like that?

    sacking Ms Lutyens was among U's worst crimes

    N could not forgive U for this

    Mrs U was his only light, but he couldnt be totally honest with her

    he doesnt have his own lenses yet so he used the masters to summon an imp

    he makes a polished bronze disc

    he waits until the Us leave for a trip

    he makes a circle and uses a bowl of rowan wood and hazel

    he steps into his circle and begins

    he starts his incantation and wishes he had some water

    once you start you cant safely stop

    a naked baby with yellow eyes and red lips appears

    N confines it into the disc

    N can now spy all over the place. he keeps the disc hidden under the roof tiles

    first he spies on his masters office, but gives up after seeing how boring it is

    he spies on Ms Lutyens and her pupil

    N orders imp to spy on Lovelace. it balks at this given how powerful S is

    this job its not impossible, just difficult

    he sees SL typing on a computer

    imp is getting bored, N orders him to stay

    he says a word that causes the imp pain

    he cant get too near in case Lovelaces defenses twig

    this brings us to the introduction of the scary huge beardo

    L is startled by the mans appearance, suggesting that the guy bypassed all his security. how does he do that?

    L whips out a bunch of cash

    Imp warns him that a watcher is on its way

    N tells him to stay until the last second

    L reaches out for his prize

    Big Beardo gives him a small parcel, which he frantically unwraps

    imp dips out but before he does N sees the amulet

    hes being annoying but N demands to know what he saw and heard

    L was super eager

    Big Beardo says "the Amulet of Samarkand is yours, Lovelace."

    six months pass while he prepares his plan. the imp cant get that close again

    U is still slowrolling him, thinking hes too dull to teach new things

    chapter 14

    Bartimaeus decides to manifest as a human next time hes summoned

    he decides to look like Ptolemy, a fourteen year old Egyptian boy. he thought it would inspire the boys jealousy and rivalry

    B is stoked cuz he has a handle on the kid now

    N goes to his circle

    B appears in London gear

    N tries to order B

    Bs like give over, kid

    N is losing his cool

    Nathaniel goes for the Systemic Vise

    Bartimaeus intones Nathaniel's name, followed by a counter-spell

    the kid cancels the spell before it can rebound on him

    Bartimaeus keeps flippin shit

    B says he'll go back to his bag of tricks

    the kid busts out the Stimulating Compass

    B launches this one back and nearly kills the kid a second time

    Bartimaeus is like careful your master will come up to see what youre doing

    N isnt worried

    he realizes that B learned his name and thats how he could counterspell

    (but didnt he already show that he was anxious about it in the scene with the master about getting his name?)

    N gets mad when B talks like a teen

    he starts to get into a fighting stance, B follows his lead

    Ptolemy was very similar in look to Nathaniel, though much better looking (I'm wondering if Bartimaeus's love for him is sexual as well as filial)

    N ponders how he can break Bartimaeus without being countered

    B hopes that he can exhaust the boy by making him angry

    B finds out that N isnt working for anyone else, he's doing it on his own

    B tells him some girl tried to take the amulet

    N is intrigued, but charges on

    he tells B about big beardo

    about how he was covered in blood

    he thinks Lovelace is up to some bad business

    N starts to give B new orders but B explains how he has no leverage

    he tells N that he could spill Ns name to friends and enemies

    N decides to pull that move where you send multiple copies of the blackmail info to your attorney to be mailed to the media in the event of your death

    it works!

    B gives in and agrees to continue working

  • In this episode, Sofia B returns to talk about chapters 6 and 7 of Lois McMaster Bujold's science fiction masterpiece, The Vor Game, featuring our favorite young hero, Miles Vorkosigan!

    The Vor Game, Chapters 6 and 7 with Sofia B

    Jeff's podcasts

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

    Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)

    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024

    Here’s James website for all his activities:

    jameslark.co.uk

    Recommendations



    Kaikeyei (Vaishanavi Patel)

    Interference (an 8th Doctor novel)



    Social Media

    Jeff Richardson

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    Links



    the starship Enterprise

    Spontaneous human combustion

    The Warrior's Apprentice

    The Expanse

    Medea

    Wicked

    Shards of Honor




    Extended Notes

    its autumn in Vorbarr Sultana

    earth import trees

    "Miles glimpsed one such tree. An Earth maple, with carnelian leaves and a silver-gray trunk, across the street. Then the door closed. Miles held that tree before his mind’s eye, trying to memorize it, just in case he never saw it again."

    hes taken upstairs in impsec to see the boss, Simon Illyan

    Overhult is unsure about leaving Miles alone with Simon

    Simon is unconcerned

    Miles looks like absolute shit

    Simon looks him over

    it gives Miles some deja vu

    this is an easter egg for those whove read the warriors apprentice

    People fear Illyan, but a lot of that is the office

    hes been in the job20 years

    screwed up during the soltoxin attack

    illyan is only afraid of Miles's mom

    apparently because of "vivid first impressions"

    impressions plural?

    Miles used to call him Uncle Simon. now its sir

    Simon looks utterly exhausted

    "them. The facts appear to be mutating every forty minutes, like bacteria. I don’t suppose you could have picked some more public way to self-destruct? Attempted to assassinate the Emperor with your pocketknife during the Birthday Review, say, or raped a sheep in the Great Square during rush hour?”"

    he doesnt understand how Miles could have betrayed his father like this

    Miles doesnt think he really did

    Count V and aide walk in

    Miles is jealous of how brilliant respected tall and handsome Jole is (Vs aide)

    "Jole was even worse than Ivan, who while darkly handsome had never been accused of brilliance."

    Simon turns off recording equipment

    his father hugs him - its quite touching

    Miles explains the incident

    CV is fiddling with a light pen

    Miles is annoyed by this

    CV must notice his reaction because he puts it away

    this shows he is cognizant of his actions and doesnt want to annoy his subordinates (or his son)

    what a contrast with Metzov

    CV is furious that Metzov dragooned trainees for the firing squad

    "General Metzov, by your account,” said Admiral Vorkosigan, “dragged a platoon of eighteen-year-olds into what came within a hair of being a mass torture-murder.”

    Miles nodded in memory. His body still twinged with assorted agonies.

    “For that sin, there is no hole deep enough to hide him from my wrath. Metzov will be taken care of, all right.”"

    Miles explains that half the techs were Greekies

    Illyan is stunned to see that Metzov had no concern for the fallout

    Miles says he thought itd be a problem, but he wasnt conscious of it until after the fact

    but that doesnt stop him from spinning

    "It . . . occurred to me, that if I died with them, at least it would be crystal clear that it hadn’t been some plot of your government or the Vor oligarchy. So that if I lived, I won, and if I died, I won too. Or at least served. Strategy, of sorts.”"

    Miles asks if he'll be charged with treason

    Illyan says no, but mentions its the second time...

    he plans to hide M until it blows over

    Miles asks for mercy for the mutineers, since they were in it together

    CV explains that if he lets them off, Miles's career will be ruined

    "Miles exhaled, a long breath. “In a weird sense, they were my men. Do it. Kill the charges.”

    “Will you resign your commission, then?” demanded Illyan. He looked sick.

    Miles felt sick, nauseous and cold. “I will.”"

    Illyan asks how Miles knew about Metzovs actions during the Komarr revolt

    M explains that he and Ivan did it

    hes annoyed that Ivan didnt tell Illyan

    Miles is trippin so he sits down cross legged

    his dad thinks about helping but doesnt

    he recommends they fast-penta Ahn

    Miles explains how he and Ivan did the research

    CV almost laughs

    "Airtight security, you said,” murmured Count Vorkosigan, unsuccessfully suppressing a wheezing laugh. “The most expensive yet devised. Proof against the cleverest viruses, the most sophisticated eavesdropping equipment. And two ensigns waft right through it?”

    Goaded, Illyan snapped, “I didn’t promise it was idiot-proof!”"

    Illyan is so over Miles's bullshit

    "This, on top of your earlier escapade with those damned mercenaries, on top of it all—house arrest isn’t enough. I won’t sleep through the night till I have you locked in a cell with your hands tied behind your back.”"

    CV proposes that Illyan bring Miles into ImpSec

    Illyan realizes no one will have Miles but himself

    "None that I could, in honor, lean on to take him. Excepting yourself. I have always”— Count Vorkosigan flashed a peculiar grin—“leaned on you, Simon.”"

    they plan to hide him - true exile but not disgrace

    "Security can use his talents. Security more than any other department needs his talents.”

    “To see the obvious?”

    “And the less obvious. Many officers may be trusted with the Emperor’s life. Rather fewer with his honor.”"

    CV suggests Miles go to infirmary

    he asks about Kyril Island

    "The climate was ferocious, the terrain was lethal, a third of the population including my immediate superior was dead drunk most of the time. The average IQ equaled the mean temperature in degrees cee, there wasn’t a woman for five hundred kilometers in any direction, and the base commander was a homicidal psychotic. Other than that, it was lovely.”"

    Miles is surprised to learn CV once commanded the base

    "How’d you like it?”

    “I can’t remember much. I was drunk most of the time. Everybody finds their own way of dealing with Camp Permafrost. I might say, you did rather better than I."

    Miles has one more question

    "Miles looked up at his father. “Did I do the right thing, sir? Last night?”

    “Yes,” said the Count simply. “A right thing. Perhaps not the best of all possible right things. Three days from now you may think of a cleverer tactic, but you were the man on the ground at the time. I try not to second-guess my field commanders.”

    Miles’s heart rose in his aching chest for the first time since he’d left Kyril Island. He nodded, satisfied."

    Miles goes downstairs to infirmary

    the surgeon seems awed by CV

    Miles knows the real CV, the one who came home for lunch every day to spend quality time with his son

    "Only Miles knew the interior view of those hours, how the big man in the green uniform would bolt a sandwich in five minutes and then spend the next hour and a half down on the floor with his son who could not walk, playing, talking, reading aloud."

    when Miles didnt want to do PT, CV would spur him forward

    "'You are Vor. You must not frighten your liege people with this show of uncontrol, Lord Miles.”"

    M realizes that with CV in his life, no wonder he wasnt awed by Metzov

    He's treated for five days in the infirmary then released

    "Why can't I go home?" Miles complained to his mother on her next visit. "Nobody's telling me anything. If I'm not under arrest, why can't I take home leave? If I am under arrest, why aren't the doors locked? I feel like I'm in limbo."

    "Countess Cordelia Vorkosigan vented an unladylike snort. "You are in limbo, kiddo."

    we get a great description of Lady Vorkosigan

    he thinks about how she was a captain on an astronomical survey, an explorer, brave

    she moves through Barrayaran society with aplomb

    "It was the casual fearlessness, Miles decided, that made his mother so unsettling."

    Miles complains about not being let out.

    Lady V explains the fallout

    annoying bit of unnecessary exposition: "Think of it as a funny reservist." She would know this already

    Metzov is getting booted by with no court martial.

    Miles is still in limbo tho

    the plan is for the Barrayaran militaristss to settle down before letting him out

    "It all seems so unreal." He hunched back into his pillow. "I only wanted to serve."

    She suggests that he could up Vorness and see the galaxy

    he counters with why don't you do that?

    "Ah." She smiled bleakly at the touche. "Some people's needs are more compelling than guns."

    turns out the Count cant come see him to make it look like he's angry

    unnecessary exposition: the thing about Aral's high hopes in Miles around his congenital injuries. clearly they both have talked about this already

    "Miles sighed glumly. "I want something to do. I want my clothes back."

    Ivan doesnt want Miles's limbo stuck on him (like a button on the episode)

    Chapter 7

    Miles is led to his protected witnesses apartment

    he thinks about being a political nonperson

    "Was it possible life in limbo was having a chameleon effect, rendering him translucent?"

    he has all his stuff from Kyril Island

    he looks around. ordinary stuff

    there must be bugs all over

    Miles didn't have any neighbors

    he wanders around but gets gently directed back to his area

    he thinks about rappeling down the outside

    Miles gets enough food tokens for a month and shudders

    He cleans all his stuff and gets dressed

    he pretends he's in a cabin on a starship

    Someone comes to his door

    its a guard, scanning for whatnot

    in comes a man, the emperor gregor vor barra

    Miles gestures him to sit

    asks if Emperor has bugs running

    he says he asked for none but who knows with Illyan

    Emperor has wine, the private reserve "elegant anesthesia"

    Gregor cant stay too long, but they have time to pound a couple bottles

    he references Cordelia's religion - what is it?

    Mom put Gregor up to it, even provided the wine

    calls it ambrosia

    made me wish i could still drink wine

    Miles thinks about growing up with Gregor, tho he was five years older than Miles Ivan and Elena

    Gregor gives sympathy about Miles's military career

    he complains about his dull service

    he talks about their forebears, how active they were militarily

    Miles says they were flung into situations

    Mad Yuri killed most of CVs family

    Gregors melancholy, Miles wonders if he's thinking about how bad his father was, or if he even knew the truth about Serg's evil

    "Nobody who'd known Serg talked about him, Count Vorkosigan least of all. Miles had met one of Serg's victims. Miles hoped Gregor never would."

    Miles asks about Gregor's birthday

    Gregor says folks are all trying to get him to marry

    Miles is like go for it dude, have a son and settle all this schemery

    Gregors like you could be one of the schemers

    Miles is like have you seen me? bro i look wack. get married have kids

    Gregor ponders running away

    Miles does not like where this is going

    Gregor asks about the chinese emperor who swept up somewhere

    Miles is like no dude youre Vor, you cant wander off

    Miles tries to distract by playing tacti-go even though he doesn't want to

    Gregor tries to beat Miles. Miles goes easy on him, but not too obviously. Gregors having fun

    they drink more

    "I don't think I've beaten you at this since you were fourteen," sighed Gregor, concealing secret satisfaction at the low point spread of that last round. "You should be an officer, dammit"

    Miles explains that the game isnt analogous to real battle. Miles likes it for not being so chaotic

    Gregors like wtf why did they send you there, mentions the time Miles commanded a space fleet

    Miles is like chill dude thats a secret

    also he didnt prove he could obey, only command

    Gregor says he doesnt know why Illyan didnt do more with them

    he likes that Miles brought them secretly into Barrayar's service

    Miles thinks Illyan took the deal to keep them from working for Barrayar's enemies

    explains their size and function

    Miles sort of tells the story of sneaking in and tricking them all into serving him

    he thinks about how wild it was

    hes not fond of heights? how has this not come up

    Gregor ass ghow Kyril Island compared to battle with the Dendarii?

    "Oh, there were certain parallels," Miles admitted. "Both were jobs I wasn't trained for, both were potentially lethal, I got out of both by my skin - lost some skin. The Dendarii episode was....worse."

    Miles should have put on tunes, the silence is oppressive

    Miles asks Gregor to get him out

    Gregor admits that he feels compelled to do what Illyan and Vorkosigan suggest he do

    Illyan wants him kept out of sight so thats that

    "How much time? Dammit, if I don't get something to do soon, I'm going to be the first case of human spontaneous combustion recorded on vid."

    they still havent proven that that is a thing, hilarious

    Miles is way drunk now, says they're treating him like a mascot

    Gregor knocks over a stack of chips

    "Being a mascot isn't bad work, if you can get it." He promises to talk to Illyan about it

    Miles gets a job! He's administrative assistant to the guard commander for the building

    he's there a month and so over it

    he wonders if he'll get out before Winterfair

    another month

    he starts to watch every training vid in the library

    gets halfway before being called to Illyan's office

    There he meets his superior, Captain Ungari

    specialist in military evaluation

    Illyan surprises Miles to report any news on the Dendarii Mercenaries

    he only got a bday message from Elena

    Simon puts up a holodisplay of wormholes, tells Miles to evaluate the scenario

    Miles proves he's got the goods to analyze the data and complete an assessment

    this also introduces us to the locations the story will be taking us, a bit of table setting

    that ends in a reminder of whats up with Cetaganda

    Simon explains their focus

    "Wormhole strategy. The devil’s cat’s cradle,” Illyan muttered editorially. He squinted at his glowing schematic. “Four players, one game-board. It ought to be simple. . . ."

    theres an arms race developing in the Hegen Hub, planetary governments hiring mercs and building armed jump stations and the like

    the Dendarii have been contracted by Aslund to cover while they build a station

    we learn that the Dendarii have changed their name back to the Osserin Fleet

    Vervain hired someone called Randall's Rangers

    Illyan moves on to Cetaganda

    he suggests that Pol might react badly to learning Barrayar and the Dendarii have a link

    they might turn to Cetaganda

    Illyan wants information

    "Illyan, generally, wanted information with the same passion that a strung-out juba freak craved a spike. He turned now to Ungari. “So what do you think, Captain? Will he do?”"

    "He’s more physically conspicuous than I’d realized.”

    “As camouflage, that’s not necessarily a disadvantage. In his company you ought to be nearly invisible. The stalking goat and the hunter.”"

    turns out CV thinks they should send Miles out to ascertain info on the Dendarii and the situation in general

    asks if Miles could be Naismith again

    "To activate that suppressed persona again . . . It wasn’t just a part, Illyan. “I could play Naismith again, sure. It’s stopping playing Naismith that scares me.”"

    Miles is freaking out inside but keeping cool

    Illyan sends him out to be on hand if they need him to take control of the Dendarii

    money to bribe them away from the Hub

    Hell be Naismith, keeping it cool

    "You will, of course, obey Captain Ungari’s orders. That goes without saying.” Illyan’s direct stare was chill as a Kyril Island midnight.

    Miles smiled dutifully, to show he took the hint. I’ll be good, sir—let me off-planet! From ghost to goat—was this a promotion."

  • Dean Eaton is back and ready to go! This second half was somewhat less hilarious only because the film itself was less so and we seemed to be sapped of energy because of it. But don't worry! We made it work! As always, we knuckled down and made ourselves presentable because damnit we're professionals and that's just how we do it. End of.

    Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam!

    https://discord.gg/vtJnpkhd

    Dean's livestream

    Omniversal Escapades

    Jeff's podcasts/livestreams

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

    Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)



    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024

    Here’s James website for all his activities:

    jameslark.co.uk



    Possible show titles

    Daft Cows

    A Wizard Did It

    Something Said at an Orgy

    Tempting Fate

    [Jeff: we didn't say this but it struck me funny so I put it here] A Concept of a Planet

    Making a Movie is Hard



    Recommendations

    Interior China - Jimmy O Yang

    Til Death Do Us Til Blart

    Altered Carbon

    Omniversal Escapades



    Social Media

    Jeff Richardson

    @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon

    Dean Eaton

    @geekusdean on the various socials\

    Links



    Tupac hologram

    Tim Curry quits acting

    The Simpsons

    Lucy Lawless: "A wizard did it"

    The MCU

    Shang-Chi: Legend of the Ten Rings

    Captain America: Civil War

    Spiderman: Far From Home

    Creed

    Evil Dead

    Bruce Campbell

    Ronnie Chang

    Chloe Bennett




    Extended Notes



    Atun the turtle knows why he's going near a star

    no one else knows

    the octavo is taking action, its pedestal is shaped like discworld and tilts to move the turtle

    rincewind falls - and doesnt die!

    shot of wizards tower why?

    "did i just leave the world only to fall back on it again?"

    2:30 "is that me, or is it getting bigger?"

    protestors mobbing against wizards

    "wizards out, wizards out!"

    TC puts on big hat, getting inducted

    "one small step for a wizard into the unseen, one giant leap for the unseen university"

    TC is pretty chill about the unrest

    "i propose that we perform the rite of Ashkente"

    barbarian soldier types

    theyre talking pillaging

    one eyed guest whose name is legend explains his secret of longevity

    "hot water, good dentistry, and soft lavatory paper"

    big chest has toilet paper he uses to lure the one eyed guy

    is he smoking weed?

    he has a horse

    back at the tower, Ashkente rite takes place

    death shows up

    "i was at a party, you know"

    TC asks why the red star is getting bigger

    its because the turtle is moving towards it

    the octavo needs the eighth spell which is why it turned to grab rincewind

    all spells must be said together at solstice or many worlds will die

    where is rincewind?

    "in the forest of skund, rimward of the ramtop mountains, feeling very sorry for himself"

    death thinks the party will go downhill at midnight

    trymon talks to the orangutan librarian

    "whoever says all the spells when the disc is in danger will gain ultimate power...to save the world. Yes, and that."

    Trymon tells Horace not to tell anyone else about this secret. He gives H a banana. He says rincewind must not die until they get him back and empty his head

    Tourist shows up. RW doesnt want him to haunt him

    turns out hes still alive and dangling from a tree

    "the turtle must have caught us somewhere?" why? who knows

    where are we? tourist sees a stonehenge

    Trymon says get rw alive to save the world

    old one eye sees the chest open show the gold and keep moving

    2f and rw are seeing nature sscrifice thing

    sex and violence usually at the same time

    2f sees the cult coming, they hide

    old one eye and chest arrive

    about the chest:

    "hes very loyal. if loyaltys what you need in a suitcase"

    theyre going to sacrifice hottie

    2f steps in to disrupt the party

    old one eye moves in, grabs rw, demands info

    "his name is 2f and hes not from these parts"

    old one eye wants the chest

    star is getting bigger

    "you ever done this sort of thing before? rushed into a temple, killed the priest, got the gold, and saved the girl? not in too many words no. you do it like this."

    one eye rushes in

    rw encourages 2f to go, he rescues hottie instead. shes not that into it. she didnt eff for eight years so she could be with moon goddess and they messed it up

    rw gets kncoed out, one eye stabs priest

    rw is dreaming, weird visuals he hs a very important task

    "its not even a flesh wound"

    girl wont let then rescue her. one eye disagrees

    "dont just lie there you daft cow, help me up"

    the seven spells want him to come back and return the eighth. he mustnt let the wrong wizards get his spell

    he must bring it back at the solstice. hes mad at them for ruining his life. he will be a real wizard again if he turns over the spell

    2f wants to stay for the druid rite but rw tells him the solstice festival is best in Ankh Morpork

    he wants to see the temple at bel shamharoth. where no one has returned alive

    the river snarl runs right past it on our way to the celebrations at ankh morpork

    they do their bro handshake

    wizards attack, they hide in sacrifical altar

    rince and tourist make it to a sacrificial pyre and the wizards are outside telling him theyve come for him

    RW: "even by wizard standard, trymon is a nasty piece of work"

    "if that star is an omen, were all going to die. how about the death star?"

    they roll out action hero style, wizards stormtrooper shoot them until one goes right for rw. 2f takes the shot

    back to the protest

    trymon dumps some piss on the lead organizer

    wizards havent been able to find rincewind

    one eye kills a guy

    rw drags knocked out 2f, props him up

    who saved them? cohen the barbarian

    hottie is way into it

    its him but hes gotten super old

    hottie: "Bards still sing songs about you. I never get anyroyalties."

    80 years in the business and what do i have to show for it? 100 recipes for soup

    hes bemoaning being too old to get respect

    rw has a cough

    2f isnt exactly dead, hes just gone

    a necromancer

    "whats neck romance?" "no necromancy is talking to the dead"

    rw doesnt believe ittarot cards, 1st is the star

    four of elephants

    ace of turtles

    death

    "is he really dead?"

    lady makes a sort of medicine. he needs to drink it

    rw drinks

    he freezes and leaves his body

    where am i going?

    weird black and white death zone, hourglasses of rw and 2f

    rw arrives in driveway of big house

    he looks for 2f

    sees a big pendulum blade

    2f is watching it

    "where are we exactly?"

    "were sort of informally dead"

    rw drags him out

    death says

    "i so seldom have company"

    "ive never been in deaths door before"

    they run down the drive

    death rides up with a scythe

    hottie wakes up rw

    2f hugs rincewind for saving his life

    "the horse people are very suspicious"

    picture guy paints whats really there, rw didnt like what he saw

    back at the wizards, trymon burned a magical chair. he goes over the agenda

    rw is item 1

    star is item 2

    trymon sent a hero to find rincewind

    wizards find that ridiculous

    a heroine named Herrena is coming to grab rincewind

    cohen says horse people have decided to give the team mounts and horses to get to the river

    rincewind decides to split with cohen

    cohen doesnt know how to deal with sincerit

    rincewind explains how 2f always focuses on the positive wherever they go

    cohen likes his eyes

    "they can see for 50 years"

    cohen agrees to travel with 2f, hottie comes with

    "in case Cohen needs anything rubbed"

    star even bigger, 2f asks if theyll be burnt up, rw doesnt know

    rw says hottie has taken a shine to cohen

    cohen says hes 87

    2f says "who could possibly attack us now?"

    Herrena continues to follow

    big vistas and generic music

    near the troll bone mountains

    2f tells cohen about dentures

    Herrena knocks out the crew and brings them to a big rock cave

    2f and rw argue because the ladies ruin rincewinds cunning lie

    old troll mountain - really old trolls turn to stone

    fire is going to upset him because theyre all standing on his tongue

    troll waking up is a real nightmare

    rw and 2f are still tied, runningish

    troll moves in their direction

    boys fall down

    wait how does sun work if discworld is freely moving through space?

    rw tells 2f what he really thinks

    the goons are back and have the boys

    cut to clamoring peasants outside university

    destroy false wizards!

    the trouble is the archchancellor just isnt a team player

    lesser wizards plot to kill the AC

    theyll do it all together

    they do a trap with a banana component

    looks like AC got covered by drywall yogurt

    he escapes!

    then has a growly freakout

    they bang a gong to get the ferryman ove

    its foggy

    ferryman is hooded

    "youre not the usual ferryman"

    Herrena orders men to grab Cohen

    he pops out and demolishes everyone

    Rws fight is so dumb

    he gets knocked out twice then bonked by the chest

    2f is cheering on the fight

    cohen hurts his back

    Herrena preps to stab

    hottie cracks her on the head with a stick

    hottie and cohen are getting married

    rw thinks its a bit odd

    wonders how cohen will have the stamina

    cohen agrees with the concern, but he thought rw was talking about her

    octavo is itchy

    AC growls some more

    AC is pissed about hero not getting rw

    so hes going to consult the octavo

    "we have gone beyond wisdom"

    aint that right

    hottie is bethann

    people are going bugfuck

    rw asks why

    guy says disc is going to hit the star

    the spell speaks thru rw and says the star is life not death

    cohen gets trolls teeth dentures

    Bethan his betrothed

    he wants a wedding dress and a steak

    rw and 2f come across rubes burning magic books

    people decide to slowly advance on rw

    AC enters octavo room

    orders wizards to unlock the chain

    rw tries to do magic, but cant

    2f hypes him up

    guy says all the magics gone

    rw does a wind spell that pokes a guy

    then rw faints

    "I have a wizard!"

    luggage returns and breaks up the mob

    wizards get the chain off

    AC grabs the book and heads to the great hall, locking the other wizards inside the room

    the star has other worlds around it

    2f called them spots

    rw says no, but doesnt have a name for them, knows theyre things floating around the star

    he just jacked someones fur off their stand and they didnt even react

    they get to the lower cellars

    we hear wizards shouting

    upstairs AC is climbing up

    RW goes to the octavo room door and sees that its the other wizards

    the masters of wizardry are in there

    rincewind tries to open door but the guy says he doesnt have the magic for it

    rw tries to prove him wrong

    blue magic floats out and turns the lock

    door opens

    the wizards fill him in

    people are screaming so the wizards go to check it out

    are demons coming through? guy says no but worse

    2f runs madly into the tower

    he just jacked a guys sword no problem

    rw has to follow

    2f: "this is an adventure, isnt it?"

    book comes down

    octavo is done

    2f picks it up

    RW takes it and goes up top

    he says im not crazy and then talks to himself

    AC greets him and welcomes him to enter

    his eyes are green flames briefly

    "the 8th spell, give it to me"

    AC tries to kill Rincewind but the big book blocks the shot

    chimp librarian climbs tower

    "these statues look like wizards. "they are the wizards! there are? they were."

    2f is looking for sword

    rw tries to crush AC with book

    then falls down

    ac falls on a banana peel and the spell hits him in the mouth, turns him to stone

    rw is inside the book

    rw is actually hanging off the stone

    rw drops

    cohen grabs him

    death is annoyed again

    rw returns the spells to the book

    isnt all this magic exciting?

    cohen isnt impressed, he likes stage magic

    book floats up and vanishes

    suddenly worlds move towards the disc

    theyre all new turtles with discs!

    theyre itty bitty

    "thats 2flower, he just appreciates beautiy in his own way"

    sleepy Atun looks kinda suss

    theres a turtle flying up over the sunset

    why only 8 and not hundreds like actual turtles

    magical octavo drops and lands in the luggage

    it wouldnt tell 2flower where it had put it

    poor Trymon fell over and broke

    2flower is going home

    rw is upset

    "you havent really been anywhere until you get back home"

    Cohen and Bethan got hitched

    he stole the dress for her

    they go to do their homey shake

    rw hugs him instead

    it feels like the end of a summer love affair

    the tourist knows he'll never come this way again

    if he goes again he'll go somewhere else

    i wish he wasnt so closed off a character

    the patrician!

    he peers out of his litter, confirms that 2f is leaving, and bows his head

    the luggage arrives to assist rw

    he doesnt want it but eventually caves

    Cohen and Bethan wave as the ship floats along the pier

    the real ship and dock would be all shouting, instead its all serene

    the scientists from the start do a joke and thats it

    its all a question of perspective?

  • James Lark is back and we're talking music teaching, conducting, the trials of poor Nathaniel, and the struggles of being a budding wizard with a cowardly master.

    Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam!

    https://discord.gg/vtJnpkhd

    Jeff's podcasts

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

    Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)



    James's podcast



    Neurotic Literature



    Music

    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024

    Here’s James website for all his activities:

    jameslark.co.uk

    Possible show titles

    An Untidy Sheaf

    Spread That Wadge

    Everyone Can Be an Alexander

    Recommendations



    Wolf Hall

    Coda: The Final Conflict (Big Finish Audio)



    Social Media

    Jeff Richardson

    @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon

    James Lark

    @James Lark on Twitter, @worksoflark on Instagram



    Links



    The Huglife Podcast

    Alexander the Great

    Frederick the Great

    Monica Nevi

    brown eyes vs blue eyes

    blind waiters in dark restaurant

    Rachmaninoff's 2nd Symphony

    Stenhammer's 2nd Piano Concerto

    Rimsky-Korsakov

    Whiplash

    Princess Mononoke

    music before the age of mechanical reproduction

    Ted Kennedy

    George W Bush

    No Child Left Behind

    David Copperfield

    Trafalgar Square

    US Republican Party

    London weather

    Schindler's List

    Doctor Who

    The Temptation of Jesus

    Howl's Moving Castle

    Ponyo

    Hayao Miyazaki

    The Golden Compass

    Milton's Fallen

    is Milton speculative fiction?

    Highgate

    Highgate Cemetery

    Karl Marx

    Douglas Adams

    Georgian houses

    Bath

    Regency style

    Brazil

    Ministers Questions thing from UK Parliament

    Oxford and Cambridge debating societies

    Houses of Parliament

    The Twilight Zone "To Serve Man"

    a wadge

    Oliver!

    Homosexuality decriminalized in Isle of Man in 1992

    The Docklands

    Crystal Palace

    Alexandra Palace

    Man in the High Castle

    Azerbaijan

    Aaron Sorkin

    Jerry Lee Lewis

    The Isle of Wight

    Westminster Abbey

    Charles Dickens

    George Frideric Handel

    Isaac Newton

    Stephen Hawking

    The Dresden Files

    Roald Dahl

    James and the Giant Peach

    Thomas Cromwell

    Just War (A Bernice Summerfield book)

    Hitler and art school

    The Thing

    Ennio Morricone

    Hogfather

    The Colour of Magic

    The Weird Sisters



    Extended Notes



    Chapter 7

    9

    B leaves the square looking for a good alley. he really wants to toss the amulet but he cant without putting himself more in Ns power

    10

    2 footnote - because a master forcing his djinn to attack another resulted in a massive explosion in Baghdad, now magicians choose not to pit djinn directly against each other

    "Cities get me down, almost as if I am underground. London is particularly bad—cold, gray, heavy with odors and rain.

    It makes me long for the south, for the deserts and the blank blue sky."

    he finds a dry alcove and takes a seat

    11

    he ponders the situation

    "At dawn I would hand over the Amulet and escape this sorry mess for good.

    Except for my business with the boy. He’d pay for it, big time. You didn’t reduce Bartimaeus of Uruk to dossing in a West End back alley and expect to get away with it. First I’d find out his name, then—"

    booted feet show up at the end of the alley. who is it? he wonders if the police sniffed him out or the orbs found him

    12

    the kids from t square

    five boys, one commanding girl

    black leather jacket and flared pants

    13

    one of the boys senses B

    girl orders them to subdue him

    three big boys go to town on him

    B tries a mini-detonation but it doesnt hurt anyone

    he tries another and it sets off a bunch of car alarms

    "I repeated the effect with greater emphasis. Car alarms in the next street started ringing. This time, I confess, I expected to be left in the charcoally grip of three charred corpses."

    boys keep holding on, unharmed

    14

    girl says she wants the amulet

    B guesses she's thirteen, with a strong authoritative voice

    she calls him a cretin and he doesnt clap back

    "You don’t really know who I am, do you?” I made it sound damn casual, with a side helping of menace. “You’re not a magician.”

    “Too right I’m not.”

    He starts to flex his mighty voice

    15

    "Would a magician do so well against your wickedness?”

    She had a point there."

    magicians would stay away, and if they didnt theyd need imps and djinn to defeat him

    he's too tired to do a full demo

    he offers to assist her (Jesus tempted by the devil)

    16

    "To my disappointment, the girl clamped her hands over her ears. “Don’t give me your weasel words, demon!” she said. “I won’t be tempted.”

    he explains that he could bring the night police down on them

    "Don’t be naïve,” I said. “Think about it. You’re trying to rob me of a very powerful object. It belongs to a terrible magician. If you so much as touch it, he’ll find you and nail your skin to his door.""

    he was getting to her, making her reconsider

    17

    she reaches for the chain

    he turns into a Nile crocodile and scares off the boys, then wacks the boys with his tail

    18

    right as a boy throws a silver object, B turns into a fox and slips away. the sphere buries itself into the wall

    B runs and jumps into a bin, narrowly avoiding the police

    19

    some commotion happens and the fox waits, listening



    Chapter 8

    1

    We learn about Ns master Arthur Underwood and his wife

    tall Georgian house in Highgate

    Underwood didnt want an apprentice but apparently its mandatory

    one day the ministry of employment assigns him one

    2

    this place has a real Brazil feel to it

    Arthur comes to the clerks desk, finds out he'll be signing forns and meeting the boy

    boy is 5, very bright

    "a wodge of paper"?

    3

    turns out his parents bolted, barely said anything

    his birth records will destroyed

    our first glimpse of Nathaniel

    "He passed down a series of silent corridors and through a heavy, paneled door to a brightly painted room that had been filled with toys for the entertainment of unhappy children. There, between a grimacing rocking horse and a plastic wizard doll wearing a comedy conical hat, he found a small pale-faced boy. It had been crying in the recent past, but had now fortunately desisted."

    4

    Underwood tells him who he is then takes him to his car

    he tried to talk to N but no dice

    we meet Mrs Martha Underwood. shes amazing, so sweet and kind

    5

    Martha puts her arm around N and convinces him to share the secret of his birth name

    6

    Martha expresses her concern for Nathaniel and disapproval of the system of apprenticeship

    "think it’s disgraceful, ripping a child from his home so young.”

    “That’s how it’s always been done, Martha. Apprentices have to come from somewhere.”

    Underwood is very frank about the reasons for the rules

    "His birth name must be forgotten, or else future enemies will use it to harm him. How can it be forgotten if his family keeps in contact? Besides, no one has forced his parents to part with their brat."

    if apprentices make it they get to work for the government

    7

    Martha wishes they could have a child

    something happened in Italy when they let magicians have kids

    N's bedroom is in the attic

    he can see London out the window

    he can see the crystal palace radio mast on a good day

    is the crystal palace radio mast a real thing?

    8

    M puts fresh flowers on his desk every week

    she often uses Ns birth name, despite Arthurs disapproval

    she refuses to be moved, despite the risk

    "Who’s going to notice?” she protested. “No one. It gives the poor lad comfort.”"

    other people call him Underwood and Arthur

    calls him boy.

    Nathaniel is devoted to her

    she gave him a painting of boats

    the woman is extraordinary

    9

    "You’re to be a magician, Nathaniel,” she said, “and that is the greatest privilege that any boy or girl could have. Your parents have made the ultimate sacrifice by giving you up for this noble destiny. No, don’t cry, dear. So in turn you must be strong, strive as hard as you can, and learn everything your tutors ask of you. By doing that you will honor both your parents and yourself."

    10

    most magicians work at Whitehall and she expects he will too.

    he determines to make her proud and make it to the government

    he eventually stopped thinking of his parents and accepted life with the Underwoods

    11

    the "mouth not toes" story

    he keeps himself looking neat and tidy

    pale face

    Martha helps him with his homework

    12

    hes learning geography

    she explains why its important

    she tells him about the djinn

    13

    Walter Purcell, Ns non magical teacher

    horrible ties

    twitchy, honest, snippy

    14

    Purcell explains why we need a government

    protection in a time of war

    tho it sounds like theyre whipping czechs butt

    if magicians werent in charge it would be commoners

    "All that stands between us and anarchy is our leaders. This is what you should aspire to, boy. To be a part of the Government and rule honorably. Remember that.”"

    15

    "Honor is the most important quality for a magician,” Mr. Purcell went on. “He or she has great power, and must use it with discretion. In the past, rogue magicians have attempted to overthrow the State: they have always been defeated. Why? Because true magicians fight with virtue and justice on their side.”

    16

    he learns to swim

    at eight hes avoided and left alone

    he has a music teacher, Mr Sindra

    Sindra gets super angry

    apparently music is used in summoning

    17

    N is hopeless at music

    his drawing teacher mrs lutyens is great tho

    she asks for his name and he gives it

    18

    he wishes he could draw fun stuff instead

    of symbols and diagrams

    she explains that he needs to do this extremely well to be amagician

    19

    hes made mistakes

    she explains that in magic he cant afford to make a single mistake

    Nathaniel goes out to the garden

    20

    theres a cool statue of a guy in the garden

    he asks Martha who it is

    "Ask your master,” she said. “He knows everything.”

    But Nathaniel had not dared ask."

    N comes here to compose himself



    Chapter 9

    1

    nathaniel would be summoned to the master office

    he sits on a cushion

    2

    Underwood would quiz him on all he was learning

    sometimes he would talk about magic

    he explains that magicians can be bad or good, but what they must not be is incompetent. Loss of control is unacceptable.

    "Providing the magician remains in control of the forces he has set to work, he remains—what does he remain?”

    3

    Safe, secret, strong

    the great secret - that demons (or spirits) are very wicked and will hurt you if they can

    he explains that you cant mispronounce anything

    demons will exploit any failure

    hes almost nine

    4

    magic lessons begin twice a week

    he loved being telling about his day with Martha, then dreaming about going to the government

    5

    master takes N to his office

    he shows him a case of books he must learn before his 12th birthday

    he asks if then he'll be a magician

    6

    Master points at bookcase with hundreds of books

    he wont be allowed to look at those till 13

    next they go to a creepy workroom

    6

    M has him put on the spectacles

    Master show him his contact lenses

    7

    when hes 12 he'll get a new name

    8

    M explains the need for secrecy

    demons and also bed magicians can use him name to pull shenanigans

    N gets to wear spectacles but not outside the workroom

    explains that there are different layers to reality

    9

    Master pulls down a dead rat

    tells N to look at it closely

    puts on specs

    sees an imp

    a "Scarlet Vexation"

    10

    its a spreader of pestilence

    he shows N a box full of tiny lil demon guys

    simplest minded demons

    orange stings beneath their tails

    11

    these mites will mess up your enemies

    ""We have dangerous tools that we must control. We shall now begin learning how to protect ourselves.”"

    he learned all the skills necessary to do magic

    12

    not once does Underwood summon anything

    he does as much extra work as he can

    he wants those spectacles damnit

    he tells Lutyens

    "'Patience,” she told him. “Patience is the prime virtue. If you hurry, you will fail. And failure is painful. You must always relax and concentrate on the task in hand.'"

    Underwood summons a creature but wont let N see it

    13

    the master and he stand in circles and the demon should be appearing in the other one

    a wind knocks over candles, starting a fire

    N goes to extinguish him but Master shouts him down

    Master says seven words of dismissal

    burning papers vanish, candles are back upright

    14

    Master admonishes him for falling for the demons trick

    some demons adopt cute animal guises

    some make nasty smells

    one made a shower of apple blossom

    some had nice perfume

    some were scary sounds

    15

    he kept it together

    a year later he was able to wear the specs and see the demons

    he was kicking ass at all his studies

    just before age 11, something terrible happens

    Chapter 10

    1

    Bartimaeus complains about his terrible ordeal, camped out on the roof of Westminster Abbey waiting for the summons

    amulet flashes in the sunlight

    2

    the spheres didnt find him because of the artifacts in the graves

    the boy still hasnt woken up

    he restates his belief that N is being exploited by a more powerful magician

    3

    clearly several magicians took part in the search, suggesting the amulet was necessary to some larger plan

    Simon Lovelace is powerful

    "The fact that he was able to employ (and restrain) both Faquarl and Jabor proved as much. I did not relish the urchin’s chances when the magician caught up with him."

    its been several centuries since B has run into humans that are immune to magic

    the kids dont seem to grasp the implications

    B cant figure how the girl is related

    the summons feels super painful

    4

    B is annoyed by N

    "I order you, Bartimaeus, to reveal whether you have diligently and wholly carried out your charge—”

    “Of course I have—what do you think this is, costume jewelry?”"

    "The Amulet of Samarkand. It was Simon Lovelace’s. Now it is yours. Soon it will be Simon Lovelace’s again."

    the kid has drawn Adelbrand's Pentacle

    kids shouldnt be able to smirk

    5

    As P is trouble

    B pretends that N has done the circle wrong trying to spook him

    "The kid’s face went an interesting mix of white and red; his lower lip wobbled; his eyes bulged from their sockets. He looked very much like he wanted to run for it, but he didn’t, so my plan was foiled."

    N calls him Recreant demon

    B admits he lied

    N says put the amulet in the bowl

    6

    instead N uses a stick

    N has a smart way to transfer the amulet from one circle to another

    this isnt like the dresden files where crossing the boundary of a circle breaks the spell

    N doesnt like how it smells

    B explains what he had to do to avoid capture

    "You were pursued?” He sounded almost eager. Wrong emotion, kid—try fear.

    “By half the demonic hordes of London.”"

    B warns N that they are coming for him

    He tries to trick N into releasing him again

    N doesnt bite

    "Do you take me for a fool?”

    “The amulet in your hands answers that."

    7

    Nathan tries to banish B but B resists

    "You cannot depart! I have other work for thee.” More than the renewed captivity, it was these occasional archaisms that annoyed me so much. Thee, recreant demon—I ask you! No one used language like that anymore, and hadn’t for two hundred years. Anyone would think he had learned his trade entirely out of some old book."

    haha! dramatic irony

    As P lets you hold on to a demon and continue their service

    "It was a complex magical formula that required adult stamina and concentration, and this gave me ammunition for my next attack."

    8

    B asks where Ns master is

    N seems stung by this

    B says its a sort of prank

    N laughs, then puts amulet back in the bowl

    9

    He sends amulet back to B

    B says he'll give amulet to Simon Lovelace

    the boys coat is three sizes too large

    "It had evidently once belonged to a very careless magician, since, although heavily patched, it still displayed the unmistakable ravages of fire, blood, and talon. I wished the boy similar fortune."

    the kid has a scrying glass

    he starts to cast a spell

    10

    the boy uses the glass

    B looks around the room

    he wants a clue as to the boys official name

    (which is funny because N doesnt have one yet)

    a cracked glass vase with fresh flowers

    somebody liked him

    Kid orders B to hide the amulet in Underwoods office

    "Very well. Where does this unfortunate magician reside?”

    The boy smiled thinly. “Downstairs.”"

  • In this episode, Dave H returns to discuss the first two episodes of Lower Decks, "Second Contact" and "Envoys". Hilarity ensues.

    Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam!

    https://discord.gg/vtJnpkhd

    Favorite References



    Jeff: when she asks if he knows Kirk, Sulu, etc

    Dave: the bucket of contraband



    Plugs

    Jeff's podcasts

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

    Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)



    Music



    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024

    Here’s James website for all his activities:

    jameslark.co.uk

    Possible show notes

    Protect This Slime

    Recommendations



    Monk and Robot

    Wayfarers

    Ducktales (2017)



    Social Media

    Jeff Richardson

    @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon

    Dave is on Discord: The USS Hood @cthulhucalamari




    Links



    TOS episode "Miri"

    Star Trek: The Motion Picture

    Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan

    Star Trek 3: The Search for Spock

    Star Trek 4: The One With the Whales

    The Greatest Generation

    Star Trek: The Next Generation

    Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

    Buffalo jeans

    Star Trek: Prodigy

    Star Trek: Discovery

    Star Trek: Picard

    Star Trek: Strange New Worlds

    Saved!

    Star Trek: The Animated Series

    "The Naked Now"

    the TNG episode where Riker is in a holocave with a kid who says he's his dad

    Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

    General Order 5?

    12 hours of warp core

    The Monkees "I'm a Believer"

    South Park zombies

    the guy who did choreo for The Matrix (Yuen Woo-ping)

    Phil Lamar

    MadTV

    Futurama

    Pulp Fiction

    Lower Decks: Warp Your Own Way

    Spock clock

    Maid Marian from Disney's Robin Hood

    Noel Wells

    "The Game" TNG

    Starfleet dress uniform

    Gene Roddenberry

    Khan's "Moons of Nibia" speech

    TNG episode where Jake takes a shuttle

    Ford Windstar

    The Janeway Protocol

    Anbo-jyutsu

    American Gladiators

    Morn

    Kirk hands

    "A Fistful of Datas"

    Graham Greene

    Yamok sauce episode



    Soundbite: Ransom shouts "did I eat flesh? how much did I eat?"

    Mariner: "We're gonna get your butt in a captain's chair!" 1:04:38

    1:21:25 Mariner: "Up and down with the blast shield!"

    Show Pic: Boimler saying "Female outside feces feces"

    1:36:25 Shapeshifter child: "I'm a little boy!"

    Show Pic: "He likes jamaharon!"

    18:24 Boimler: "I should just study bugs on a far off planet!"

    Show Pic: Boimler with his pants down



    Episode 1 "Second Contact"

    space station and ships pan into view

    a male voice gives a captains log

    the Cerritos looks cool as hell

    douglas station

    cool layers, plenty of depth

    great depth of field, fuzzy people in bg and fg

    "our specialty is second contact"

    black lady opens the door and clowns on purple haired guy for doing a captains log in a closet

    shes drunk, busting on him for being a nerd

    romulan whiskey is blue

    phg says its against regulation, black lady doesnt care

    she starts swinging a batleth, cant remember what its called

    "i got it from an old guy with an eyepatch"

    could it be Martok? surely shed recognize him since hes the chancellor

    "worf worf worf i love honor! i demand honor!"

    she hacks his thigh, they both scream

    credits

    beautiful scenery

    rocks hit ship (shouldnt the deflector block those)

    the ship sees borgs fighting roms and dips out

    its got a space whale!

    looks so good!

    shuttle lands

    theres a geordi visor!

    an Orion officer

    Ensign dvana tendi

    shes jacked

    blonde guy tells her to keep moving

    phg, boimler, is only getting bananas

    shes science, boims and mariner are command

    "i love science. Uh, its so sciency" is boimler horny for Tendi?

    Beckett Mariner

    "i cant believe were gonna serve side by side, scientists and commanders, an elite team" shes clearly very into drama

    tendi def wants to be CMO

    Mariner does not want to be senior (odd then that shes in the command track)

    she was promoted, then thought for herself so got demoted

    Mariner doesnt like giving the tour but she does need help with contraband

    Boims is not amused

    Boimler points out places on the map

    Mariner clearly has heard Boimlers jokes and is bored with it

    Boims thinks bridge is cool

    Mariner does not

    Rutherford the engineer has a vulcan implant thats goofing up

    Ruthy has a date with ensign barnes

    M says shes crazy hot

    ruthys implant keeps suppressing his emotions

    Ruthy is naturally anxious, pukes when stressed?

    Mariner pretends not to know what rooms are, Boims calls her out

    M "And this is Boims's hidey closet where he pretends to be a captain like a big boy."

    B "this is not a good tour!"

    they sleep in a hallway

    sleep near a shower

    Tendi is loving being on a ship seeing the warp trails

    its holodeck time!

    (i am skeptical that an ensign wouldnt have used a holodeck before. im sure they use them to do the kobayashi maru)

    Boims is crazy for warp core

    M does not care

    Tendi doesnt know about sand? nonsense

    also surely Orions have holodecks at least to practice their piracy

    Tendis impressed that B gets to go to the bridge

    M downplays it

    all nude olympic training facility

    M should be reported to hr for this one

    Galardonian shuttles are badass

    Gs themselves are little purple seahorse pigs, some with horns

    Ransom, buff white dude, gets bit by insect

    R and mustache man are real bros

    Boims tries to manage hair unsuccessfully

    he enters the bridge in severe anxiety

    Black woman captain gives Boims a special assignment

    keep an eye on ensign mariner

    "i like my crew working in lockstep"

    Barnes and Ruthy's date

    apparently Billups doesnt know how to talk to women (with future knowledge we have an idea why)

    Rs implant makes him harshly vulcan for a sec

    her dad was a cyborg

    "Shaxs drop his latte again? Guy's got baby hands" would be funnier if wed gotten his name yet, clearly a second watch joke

    B is clearly feeling bad and suss

    he sees Mariner run off and get in a truck

    he follows

    Ransom goes nuts

    zombie virus, spewing black goo and chewing on a guys neck

    B and R still do date even during this madness

    disease is either airborne or transferred by goo

    cat doctor

    T "i was supposed to be assisting Nurse Westlake" cat points at guy on bed snarling "that is nurse westlake!"

    B is behind a bush, peeking

    he sees Mariner offering starfleet tech to two Galardonians

    the planet is so beautiful, yellow sky, reddish brown leaves, pea soup green dirt, fungus balls and tall grass

    B jumps out and scares Mariner

    he accuses her of selling weapons, she tries to shut him down

    Gs try to leave, B shoots the ground

    B reads the rulebook

    she busts back with more knowledge

    its farm equipment

    hes surprised

    Gs run through gate, leave it open

    huge spider breaks out

    giant spider is shooting butt webbing

    M and B behind bush

    M defends herself, saying the farmers were starving so she gave some help

    he asks how she knew they exist

    she was here last year on the quito before she got demoted to the cerritos

    B didnt know her backstory

    she was

    trapped in a sentient cave

    "thats a dark place that knows things"

    head taken off by a singing crystal

    klingon prison where she had to fight a yeti for her own shoes for no reason.

    "he was just being a dick!"

    hes only been to five planets including earth and vulcan

    he only knows what in the manuals so he should follow her lead

    they cant leave because the farmers need the spider

    general order 5

    "We'll just stun it." "No could spoil the milk."

    B dismisses this, but as i thought about it i realized she saw only one get out which suggests the animal isnt for meat but for some other purpose, its a short leap to milk

    "Five ships, yeti shoes, i am always right, take them off now!"

    two puppets of them for spider to attack

    its going to town on Bs uniform

    M is stoked

    shes ready to jump on its back

    he wants it to destroy both uniforms first

    why did she yell Mark before jumping?

    she jumps, then B

    he gets nabbed by spider which starts gooping and sucking him

    he says phaser it

    farmers begs her not to

    M says we cant let it eat him

    farmer says its just suckling for moisture

    M yells to Boimler

    "its just suckling you, youre fine"

    Boimler has funny scream. M tries to encourage him

    "go to your happy place! oo think about the warp core!"

    B and M spacewalk to get to the rally point

    it looks totally awesome

    their suits are low on oxygen? they should be rated for 24 hours or more if show canon is to be believed. how long were Belanna and Tom out there?

    she likes The Monkees, Ruthy is into it

    "Lets just say I'm a Believer"

    Great shot thru window of Shaxs wasting fools as they ascend

    B and R are wicked at action stuff

    weirdly a hatch wont open for them

    i like how he thumbs up for her to move through maintenance hatch then jumps in after, good teamwork during retreat

    they take off helmets and kiss

    shes like hows it goin

    and hes like these doors are messed up

    she is not into boring details and walks off

    Tendi in sickybay

    "pump this, dont pass out. nobodys authorized to pass out"

    M havin some wilk while B gets milked

    she pulls him out of sleepy spider

    "my bones..."

    "but im naked"

    they drive back thru idyllic landscape with lovely tune

    "i think we make a pretty good team, Boimler"

    he admits he was told to spy on her

    she doesnt get why he worships them

    he starts to defend captain but stops

    hes going to report her

    they get to rally point and beam to ship

    everyone is in transporter room

    DR taana swipes bs face and analyEs

    spider milk

    dr t says they should get B to sickbak

    "what makes him so special? nothing. its the slime, Captain"

    "everyone, protect. this. slime!"

    Shaxs bursts through door, carrying B

    crew makes it to sickbay

    milk will neutralize rage effect

    T says Cap doesnt have nuch time. M yells

    "oo shouldve washed those hands, captain!"

    Ransom is cured

    "where am i? did i eat flesh?" "hardly any" "how much did i eat?!"

    T sprays purple gas through ship

    captain congratulates Dr t

    she makes a bad joke, senior staff laugh

    M tries to explain that B saved them

    Tendi stoked cuz she got to

    hold a heart

    cap says in report that only dr t saved everyone

    she asks B what mariner did

    he says she was fine

    "maybe that goo that saved the ship messed with my memory"

    even now hes trying to correct the record

    admiral so and so calls her

    "ransom tried to eat a guy. we're

    fine"

    she wants to throw Mariner in the brig

    she loves the brig

    T asks R about his date

    he praises her but hes not seeing her again

    she had zero interest in why a red alert messed with the hatch lock

    "who has time for romance when theres a level two diagnostic just sitting there waiting to be run?"

    "mm mm dont have to tell me twice i am right there"

    B praises M

    "starfleet is better with you in it"

    B didnt sell her out

    she praises him

    "were gonna get your butt in a captains chair. guess what mm im your new mentor. boom. surprise bitchh its done how does it feel?"

    lower decks cheer

    "youre gonna be my chadeetch from now on baby"

    she mentions spocks rebirth in star trek 3

    mentions khan and space whales

    how bout sulu do yiu know kirk my man worf gary mitchell, do you know deanna troi her body be bangin, she went from a jumpsuit


    episode 2

    "Envoys"

    cerritos floats above red planet

    pale blue sphere enters the hull imto a storage room

    M suggests drinkin and gettin a dude all worked up

    Tendi doesnt get it

    energy sphere appears

    "supplicate yourselves!"

    Mariner grabs it and tells Tendi to bring a canister

    "we can use this thing for all sorts of cool stuff"

    she starts to push it into a canister

    he says he can grant wishes

    Mariners listening

    she demands a tricorder with a purple stripe

    he loses a bunch of power

    she wants a power pack

    it gets even smaller

    Captain Freeman rolls up and it just darts into her chest shouting "die, mortal!"

    T and M are watching video of admiral falling

    B comes in with news of his mission

    hes talking about someone

    they speculate who it might be

    Castro, enterprise

    Pjoq, what a snack

    its Boimler!

    piloting general Korin

    decorated warrior

    they all have an apostrophe

    M thinks the cargo bay is exotic

    R shows up

    hes been in ducts for a week

    "thats another three, four days in the tubes!"

    R says he'll switch his career to change shifts

    B comes into the shuttle bay

    Mariners in the shuttle!

    shes already there eating ramen and spilling

    shes the pilot

    he has a dress uniform

    blast field down and up with songs

    Rutherford tells Billups hes transferring

    Billups is totally cool about it

    they chant his name

    on the shuttle M is passed out

    "buried alive

    marooned for eternity

    moons of nibia"

    Bs been studying Korin

    deference and respect

    M kicks his ass

    "Starfleet has made you soft, Mariner!"

    "i must update

    you on my many sexual contests, Mariner!

    What, both of them?"

    Korin wants to be landed in Little Kronos

    Bs like what?

    "I got chewed out, but he got his ass chewed Uuuup"

    why is console hot?

    multispecies hang spot

    unsecured district

    theyre blood bonded he passed out on his sword

    Korin jakes the shuttle

    Mariner laughs "classic Korin"

    "did you even read the mission brief?"

    "im sorry i skimmed most of it, and read some of the captions"

    Boimler is speed walking to conserve energy

    "this is serious! i think were violating the Khitomer accords"

    "he went north in search of stronger ales!"

    so were federation dogs, huh?

    "hey if it got us what we needed woof woof"

    Ransom does command trainer 43 with Rutherford

    captain were being drawn into a temporal rift?

    "casualties 105 percent

    wait how did i kill more than the whole crew?"

    Ransom mentions the Janeway protocol

    command trainer 4

    should they hit the asteroid?

    Janeway protocol?

    "all the ships children have been ejected into space."

    "all those kids..."

    M and B talk philosophy of training

    Boimler meets a lady in red

    shes real sensual

    Mariner washes it off of Brad

    "i know you still want it! I can hear your nasty boy thoughts!"

    it was an anobaj

    weakminded? lol

    "An andorian in the bathroom said the generals in a bar down the road"

    hes relating engineering to bodies

    taana is supportive

    she orders him to chat with the guy and keep him distracted

    instead R makes him freak out

    "Those are dilithium burns? how are you still alive, man? you should be dead!"

    "that robot said i was dying"

    he joins security

    bunch of borgs

    program smorgasborg

    he uses his implant to be a super kickpuncher

    M cautions B to be chill

    he gets all huffy

    Boimler sees a man being menaced

    he runs in

    Mariner says no

    old guy whines

    other guy goes to kick him

    B shoots

    "Starfleet! I order you to step away from the elder! You idiot thats no elder!"

    its a weird little monster - Vendorian shapeshifter

    they start a barfight

    theres a Morn!

    Boimler objects

    "this is a violation of the Tulganan neutrality pact"

    Mariner jumps up "Kirk hands"

    has phaser

    she pays for five rounds

    "sir i dont know you, thats starfleet property youre handling"

    Boimler looks like shit. He feels inadequate because of Mariners awesomeness

    "all that studying and where did it get me?"

    "i should just turn in my uniform and go work on a research asteroid!"

    Mariner is horrified

    "do not even joke about that"

    17:45 soundbite: Boimler does the shaky video log bit

    Mariner says starfleet needs booksmart people like B

    he flips his communicator and runs off

    Rutherford is in security. Shaxs is giving a speech

    "no greater honor than to die beside you in battle."

    Rutherford decides to go back to engineering. he needs those tubes

    "Got to be true to yourself. am i right bears? oo rah!" Rutherford "Aw, bears!"

    ferengi bit

    Mariner pretends hes a Bolean

    "hey ferengi, get out of here, get get!"

    they drag drunk Korin out of the shuttle

    "Fetch me my drinking horn, i need ale"

    Mariner pretends to have not known the ferengi thing

    B promises not to tell anyone

    smash cut to him telling everyone

    "Muah muah hoo mon" he was doin the hand thing and everything"

    Mariner pretends to be offended and jets

    she smiles

    Rutherford "i belong in the tubes"

    she doesnt realize he did all that to be a bro

    ferengi dude and Mariner chat

    R looks at tube

    "isnt it amazing?" she says looking at spce on her pad. R looks at tube. "its beautiful"

  • This is it! Our holiday special with the one and only Jayme Antrim! Back by popular demand, Terry Pratchett brings us Terry Pratchett's Hogfather, a dramatic retelling of his timeless classic. It's no notes today so things are a bit loose and all over the place, but it's a ton of fun and should make a delightful part of your holiday experience!

    Happy holidays, everyone! May your season be as bright as Death's eyes!

    Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam!

    https://discord.gg/vtJnpkhd

    Plugs

    Jayme Antrim

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Jeff's podcasts

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

    Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)

    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024

    Here’s James website for all his activities:

    jameslark.co.uk

    Recommendations



    Krampus (2015)

    The Nightmare Before Christmas

    Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency




    Possible show titles



    Meat Nieces

    One Dimensional Dudes

    Bordered-Off Danger Showers

    Medium Dave Fan Fiction

    Humans Are the Hawk Tuah



    Social Media

    Jeff Richardson

    @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon

    Jayme Antrim

    Brandoff the Offbrand Gandalf on Youtube




    Links



    Ian Richardson

    Christopher Lee

    Dracula

    Douglas Adams

    Mort

    Marc Warren

    Doctor Who "Love and Monsters"

    Yule Lads

    The Vor Game

    The X-Files

    'Salem's Lot

    Arthur Christmas

    The Santa Clause

    Piers Anthony

    The Dresden Files

    Xena: Warrior Princess

    Buffy the Vampire Slayer

    Sailor Moon

    Guards! Guards!

    DJ Qualls

    Star Trek: The Next Generation "Tuvix"

    Paper Mario

    Kua-Toa

    Ghosts UK

    Spock

    King Kong

    Tor Johnson

    The Beast of Yucca Flats

    Mystery Science Theater 3000

    Ed Wood

    Bebop and Rocksteady

    Funny Games

    Godzilla Minus One

    Trick or Treat

  • It's Part 2 of our gigantic Dracula discussion! Special thanks to Jayme for bringing all this knowledge and enthusiasm!

    Join our Discord community! Here's the link:

    https://discord.gg/RBSQmeFt

    Plugs

    Jeff Richardson

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

    Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)



    Jayme Antrim

    Shattered Worlds RPG



    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song. Licensed for show use, copyright 2024

    Here’s James website for all his activities:

    jameslark.co.uk

    Recommendations

    Ravenous

    Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat




    Social Media

    Jeff Richardson

    @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon

    Jayme Antrim

    Brandoff the Off-Brand Gandalf on Youtube



    Possible show titles:

    My Dude, This is Your Job

    A Stake on a Steak

    Mummies vs The Bronx

    Dracula 2

    The Stoker Necktie


    Links



    Hannibal

    Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

    Salem's Lot

    The Strange Case of the Alchemist's Daughter

    The Bachelor

    Kitchen Nightmares

    Survivor

    Vampires vs. The Bronx

    John Carpenter's Vampires

    Eyes Wide Shut

    Helen Chandler

    Bela Lugosi

    what do you call an incel with a girlfriend?

    Blade




    Extended Notes



    "for one who has not lived even a single lifetime, you are a wise man, Van Helsing."

    Mr Mina was shocked

    Harker said he looked like a wild animal

    he looks outside, notices a wolf

    VH explains that drac is a vamp and can turn into critters

    "the strength of the vampire is that people will not believe in him."

    Mina goes out walkin

    finds CD, he wraps her up

    Harkers says vamps are only in ghost stories

    VH says some vamp lore, doesnt even worry about explaining it

    he must have brought boxes of grave dirt

    Renfield is eavesdropping

    Renfield explains that Mina has been attacked, he thinks Harker should take her away

    big bat arrives

    renfield tries to apologize, warns him to escape

    VH tells renfield to help

    he says he cant

    maid screams and runs over

    miss mina is out there dead

    renfield laughs all creepy like

    maid passes out

    renfield crawls over to her

    is he gonna bite off a chunk?

    Mina's still alive

    VH says shes under his influence

    "we must cope with it"

    child crying

    woman walking in dark woods

    comedy intern reads paper

    children describes beautiful lady in white who enticed them with chocolates, drew them into woods, and offered them chocolate

    Mina saw Lucy outside after her death

    Mina tried to speak to her until she realized she was dead

    Lucy looked like animal, then ran into the dark

    Mina asks them to save her soul

    Harker says she wont die

    she says dont kiss me anymore

    she tells VH to make it clear to Jon

    "its all over Jon. Our love, our life together."

    Drac wills her

    VH tells her to come inside

    Harker blames VH for driving her crazy

    he wants to take Mina away

    VH has prepared the place to protect against Drac

    she wants dad to keep Jon from leaving

    nurse is ordered to keep windows shut and wolfsbane near Mina.

    drac is at his coffin

    three boxes of earth were deliverd to carfax abbey

    VH tells Harker he cant take her or it will kill her

    VH explains his occult knowledge - the only way to save her is to stake dracula

    "you forget doctor that madmen have great strength."

    Martin the panto orderly is shocked to learn R escaped again

    Drac released him

    "a red mist spread over the lawn

    coming on like a flame of fire

    and then he parted it

    and then i could see that there were thousands of rats, with their eyes blazing red

    like his, only smaller."

    rats rats rats thousands millions of them all red blood, alp these will i give you if you will obey me."

    daddy asks what hes meant to do

    "that which had already been done"

    "Dracula is in the house"!

    "Van Helsing. Now that you have learned what you have learned, it would be well for you to return to your own country."

    I prefer to remain and protect those whom you would destroy."

    dracs blood flows through Minas veins, she will be immortal

    Van Helsing promises to destroy carfax abbey and stake dracula

    drac tries to summon VH, he resists but then starts to stumble forward. He regains control.

    VH reaches for crucifix, drac hisses and runs off

    Mina doesnt want the wolfsbane, says it stinks. she refused to stay put and went onto the terrace

    Harker comes in and sees Mina all fresh as a daisy

    Briggs wants her to come back in, she and JH wave her off

    Mina is enticed by JHs neck

    she claims to not dislike the night. she now says she loves it

    Jh is trying to chase off a big bat

    shes talking to it

    JH is flummoxed

    Mina is trying to mind control JH

    shes moving in again

    VH rushes in with cross

    Mina tells him that drac fed her blood

    Martin tries to shoot the bat

    VH tells him to leave off

    Martin the wacky orderly

    "theyre all crazy but me and you. And sometimes i have my doubts about you."

    Drac summons nurse briggs to the window

    she takes down the wolfsbane

    then lets him come in

    VH and J follow Ren into abbey

    Drac lures Mina there as well

    Renfield is all stoked

    he wants to serve

    JH finds a grate and yells Mina

    Renfield is scared, tries to run

    Drac tells him to wait. he stands still

    Drac approaches. Renfield whines

    R whines while Drac chokes him and drops him down the stairs

    he runs to basement with Mina

    closes and locks the door

    the boys rush in and find no one

    they hunt around a bit

    for some reason drac is asleep

    (we havent seen any indication of dawn)

    VH opens the other coffin, doesnt let JH see

    sends him off for a rock

    rips up the lid to make stakes

    Jh comes back

    VH says Minas not there

    JH goes looking

    Minas in corner wailing

    they meet up and hug

    "the daylight stopped him."

    Harker walks her up the stairs to the sound of bells

    wtf

    "arent you coming with us?

    not yet not presently"

    "come, john" last line

    so she hasnt yet been turned?

    this movie is skimpy on the rules

    is Mina now a daywalker?

  • In this one, Jayme Antrim swings by to discuss Dracula (1931). We have a terrific time, so good in fact that we decided to do a big fat two parter!

    Check out our Discord community! Here's the link:

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    Jeff's podcasts

    Shattered Worlds RPG

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    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024

    Here’s James website for all his activities:

    jameslark.co.uk

    Jeff

    @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon

    Jayme Antrim

    Brandoff the Offbrand Gandalf on Youtube

    Possible show titles:

    Shouting Dracula

    A Year of Dracula

    Be a Hunky Dracula

    Why is There a Bug Coffin, Guys?

    Bag Baby

    Brooklyn Slumlord Dracula

    Chicken Blood Soup for the No-souled

    Take That, Great Britain!

    Recommendations

    Fright Night remake Tennant, Farrell

    Elvira's Haunted Hills

    The Vor Game by Lois McMaster Bujold




    Social Media



    Links



    Dracula: Dead and Loving It

    Lost Boys

    Monster Squad

    Fright Night

    Chris Sarandon

    The Murders in the Rue Morgue

    The Cask of Amantillado

    Black Cat

    Berenice

    Monomania

    Kingdom by the Sea

    Thor

    The Power Pack

    Spider-Man

    Amethyst

    Superman

    Myth Adventures

    Discworld

    The Dark Tower

    Wizard and Glass

    Dreamcatcher

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    Peter O'Toole

    Bill Nighy

    Doctor Sleep

    Desperation

    The Shining (film)

    The Shining (TV movie)

    Gerald's Game

    It

    True Detective: Season 1

    King Me

    Vampire Anthology with Jayme's Dracula story

    Never Say Never Again

    The Hammer Brothers from Super Mario Bros

    (pic of Jayme as Dracula?)

    ‘Salem's Lot (Book)

    Swan Lake

    Back to the Future

    Nosferatu (1922)

    London After Midnight

    Emperor from Star Wars

    What We Do in the Shadows

    The X-Files

    Supernatural

    American Werewolf in London

    Quest for Glory 4

    1931 telephones

    Orientalism

    Bram Stoker's Dracula

    Jerusalem Cricket

    Elijah Wood

    Metropolis

    The Mummy

    The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari

    Hammer Horror Dracula

    Christopher Lee

    Dungeons & Dragons

    Karl Freund

    Freund's 3 camera technique

    I Love Lucy

    pre-Nazi German film industry

    Run Lola Run

    Hays Code

    The Dresden Files

    Hannibal Lecter

    Clamps from Futurama

    Salem's Lot (2024)

    Gary Oldman

    Max Von Sydow

    Sherlock Holmes

    Spanish-Language Dracula

    PIC: Nosferatu doing standup?

    Demon Night

    Fat cats with cigars

    Munmun

    Secret of Nimh

    The Littles

    Chip N' Dale's Rescue Rangers

    Cats

    British pronunciation

    So I Murdered an Axe Murderer

    Inglorious Basterds

    Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

    Ragtime by ER Doctorow (CORRECTION: nominated for Nebula but didn't win)

    Hyperion




    Extended Notes



    pretty canyon painting

    among the peaks bygone age

    five passengers in coach

    tourist lady reading from the book

    local says tonight is bad news

    nosferatu

    to the virgin we pray

    geese in the yard!

    working people come out to see the coach

    ladies hide behind windows

    porter starts unloading all the luggage

    this dude sounds American

    he says not to take down his luggage

    innkeeper wants him to wait

    hes meeting another coach on Borgo pass at midnight

    count draculus

    count draculas name scares the hell out of these rubes

    "no. you mustn't go there.

    we people of the mountains believe that at the castle there are vampires, dracula and his wives, they take the form of wolves and bats. they leave their coffins at night and feed on the blood of the living."

    fancy lad is unmoved, he is set on meeting the other coach

    (this dude kind of reminds me of my brother - his bright-eyed desire to gain secret knowledge and meet interesting people)

    innkeeper's wife gives him her crucifix

    everyone is sad that hes going

    foreboding clifftop castle

    this crypt looks like state of decay

    these shots are real arty, like a fellini joint

    slow drac and his three spooky wives

    we got us a real eye gore (is it Dracula? the implication in the book is that it was)

    this dude has a real penetrating stare

    spooky af

    great fogslashdust effect as carriage rolls up the hill

    wtf theres a bat over the horses and no driver

    i dont think you could pay me to go through with this

    this dude walks smoothly and silently

    this dude has real elijah wood face

    its mister renfield

    every shot hes in makes him small and weak

    its so 3D

    real black lodge motherfucker right here

    drac cant resist blood

    but the crucifix freaks him out

    renfield not looking too good

    dracs fingers are so scary

    renfields spooky smile after drac kills crew

    renfield now at sewards sanitarium

    drac lookin fly

    cop whistles and pleather capes

    drac mind controls lady at theater

    introduces himself to rich moustacheman

    his daugter Mina, miss lucy weston, and mina's husband Jonathan

    drac compares his castle in transylvania to carfax abb

    "to die, to be really dead. That must be glorious." mh: "oh but count dracula." dr: "there are far worse things awaiting man than death."

    Lucy tells Mina shes hot for drac. Mina thinks she should chase someone normal

    outside Westons place, drac hangs out like a creep

    28:00 lucy in bed reading, bigass bat at the window. she doesnt notice it, drifts off. then bat enters and drac advanced with his scary claw fingies

    he gets his face right up near lucys neck. so rapey

    at seward sanitarium we see an auditorium where they examine Lucy's corpse.

    "on the throat of each victim, the same two marks."

    Martin the orderly chucks Renfields spider out the window. He is real weird about it

    we see oldman doing experiences

    gentlemen, we are dealing with the undead. yes nesferatu

    professor tells mustache drac is def a vampire

    renfield comes in, oldman tries to touch his hand. he recoils

    "keep your filthy hands to yourself!"

    someone thinks they heard a wolf

    annnoying comedy orderly says

    "ee thinks theyre owlin back at him! hes cryzy!"

    Van Helsing shoves wolfsbane in Rs face, hes like

    "you know too much to live Van Helsing"

    Renfield doesnt want to do something to Mina but doesnt explain what it is

    Drac enters Mina's room, makes the grimace and leans forward

    Mina talks about her dream thing the next day

    room full of mist

    lamp "a tiny spark in the fog"

    "And then i saw two red eyes starinf at me and a white livid face came down out of the mist"

    Harker tells her it was a dream

    "it seemed as if all the life had been drained out of me"

    Harker gaslights her

    Van Helsing taps in

    Harker claims she's hiding something

    "is there anything the matter with your throat"

    van helsing checks her neck

    consent means nothing in 1931 apparently

    bite showed up the morning after

    "what could have caused them, Doctor?" "Count Dracula." interesting mashup

    Mina isnt afraid of Drac?

    Drac recognizes Van Helsings name

    Count claims to have told her vampire stories

    Harkers seems jealous of dracs attention

    Van Helsing realizes Drac has no reflection

    Dad tells her to go to bed, she objects

    Drac reiterates, she goes with no complaint

    VH shows Harker the mirror. Hes stunned

    Van Helsing asks drac to look at the mirror. Drac reacts with fury and knocks it away

    are dracs afraid of seeing themselves? are they ashamed of having no reflection? does it remind them they have no soul?

  • [Editor’s note: Jeff said some things about George W. Bush that haven’t necessarily been proven in court. We encourage you to read up on the issue to learn what has and hasn’t been corroborated publicly.]

    In this one, Sofia B returns to discuss chapters 3 thru 5 of The Vor Game by Lois McMaster Bujold. Miles gets in over his head and goes head to head with a dangerous superior.

    Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam!

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    Plugs

    Check out Sofia’s interview on Jeff’s other show, Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?:

    https://awesomepodnw.libsyn.com/episode-149-saving-the-wetlands-ft-sofia-buhrgard

    Jeff's podcasts

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

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    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024

    Here’s James website for all his activities:

    jameslark.co.uk

    Recommendation

    Pantheon (tv series) - Based on the short story collection by Ken Liu

    Anti-Recommendation

    The Culture series by I.M. Banks


    Social Media

    None for Sofia R unless you're looking for traffic planning - if so hit us up and we'll connect you!


    Jeff Richardson

    @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

    Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)

    Possible Show Titles

    I Gotta Get a Cloak

    Sinister Assistant

    A Well-Known Sneaky Guy

    The Other Empire

    Links

    Tulsi Gabbard

    General Patton

    Red Dwarf

    General MacArthur

    Natasha Winters from Spoil Me

    Star Trek: Voyager

    George W Bush and the Air National Guard

    A Song of Ice and Fire

    The Expanse

    Bones McCoy

    Battlestar Galactica

    Lord of the Rings

    what makes a novella?

    The Body

    Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption

    Different Seasons

    Philip K Dick

    the new S.A. Corey novella

    Extended Notes

    chapter 3

    1

    he survived the cold

    hes recovering in the infirmary

    he fantasizes about what impsec would do to the motor pool guys

    they hadnt meant to murder him so he lets it go

    2

    M asks if they treat a lot of frostbite

    corpsman has to send him packing

    3

    do many people lose scat cats?

    not too many

    the commandant has been ripshit about it

    he goes home and realizes he doesnt have the correct uniform since he lost his boots and trousers in the mud

    he couldnt borrow from anyone because they wouldnt fit his unusual anatomy

    4

    "He cursed under his breath and shucked on his dress greens, complete with mirror-polished boots to the knees. At least the boots obviated the need for leg braces."

    Miles thinks about how he failed to avoid the problem. He always seems committed to improving his behavior. Very ambitious

    "Today, the general was aggressively dressed in black fatigues. At Metzov’s altitude in the hierarchy, this stylistic choice usually indicated a deliberate identification with The Fighting Man. The only concession to his rank was their pressed neatness. His decorations were stripped down to a mere modest three, all high combat commendations. Pseudo-modest; pruned of the surrounding foliage, they leapt to the eye. Mentally, Miles applauded, even envied, the effect. Metzov looked his part, the combat commander, absolutely, unconsciously natural."

    5

    Miles realizes hes fulfilling an embarrassing stereotype

    a Vor lordling in riding boots

    He thinks to himself: "I didn’t design the damned boots. His father had once suggested that his staff officers must need them for riding hobbyhorses, high horses, and nightmares. Unable to think of a useful reply to the general’s sally, Miles stood in dignified silence, chin lifted, parade rest. “Sir.”"

    6

    Metzov goes in on poor Miles about his fanciness and failure

    he finds out the permafrost zones were represented by blue on the maps which hed have known if hed read the regulations, which hed have done if his boss wasnt a total wreck

    7

    Metzov is being a real douche

    "The authority lent Miles by his uniform barely balanced the deformities that made him a target of Barrayar’s historically grounded, intense genetic prejudices. A public humiliation that sapped that authority before men he must also command came very close to an act of sabotage. Deliberate, or unconscious?"

    Miles references how he nearly wasnt born because of an attack during Vordarians Pretendership

    8

    Metzov thinks what they need is a fresh war every few years to toughen up the troops

    Metzov says some sexist shit and Miles internally turns it around

    Metzov lays out his punishment. He has to get with Lt Bonn and organize a work detail to lift the scatcat out

    9

    Metzov turns the screws, punishing Miles for damaging the station to save his life

    Miles does not want to be insubordinate but also he has no respect for Metzov.

    "'The damage I did to the weather station was not a stupid accident like the scat-cat, sir! It was necessary to my survival.”

    General Metzov fixed him with a very cold eye. “Make that six hours a day, Ensign Vorkosigan.”

    Miles spoke through his teeth, words jerked out as though by pliers. “Would you have preferred the interview you’d be having right now if I’d permitted myself to freeze, sir?”"

    Metzov is shooting daggers

    10

    Miles leaves the office and starts to unravel

    he got too used to being around bigwigs

    he doesnt know how to shut up and serve

    Miles wonders if Metzov is political

    11

    M realizes that there could be myriad reasons why Metzov is a bust

    Milo tells himself hes just gonna have to avoid Metzov

    foreshadowing about Ahn and Metzov!

    Bonn and Miles are stomping around, trying to find the scatcat

    12

    Miles learns that the ice forms under the bog, making it solidish ground unless it gets warm enough then it melts

    ""Midwinter, you could park a freight shuttle on this bog. Come summer, it thins out. It can thaw from seeming-solid to liquid in a few hours, when the temperature is just right, and back again.”

    “I . . . think I found that out.”"

    13

    Bonn finds the scatcat with a probe

    he signals the hovercab

    hovercab flies over and sucks the thing out of the ice

    14

    Miles explains how he almost died

    goes to look for his boots

    only finds one

    "Bonn frowned down at the ruined boot dangling from Miles’s hand. “You could have been killed,” he said in a tone of realization."

    15

    Bonn finds it odd that Miles wont turn in Pattas from the motor pool

    Miles explains the situation

    16

    he tells Bonn why he's here,

    to earn his spot on the new ship

    Miles jokes that Vor promises dont mean much

    17

    Bonn delivers Pattas and Olney to Miles in the morning

    they get to work cleaning all the equipment that had been submerged

    Miles heads off to work, musing how these two must be confused

    18

    next day he Olney and Pattas had culvert duty

    he really got into it

    19

    Miles finds a plugged culvert with water pooling on one side

    he realizes hes the only one narrow enough to get through the drain

    20

    he finds a corpse!

    chapter 4

    page 1

    surgeon arrives

    miles and crew close off one end of drain

    surgeon determines he drowned, no signs of foul play

    page 2

    "Does this sort of thing happen often around here?” Miles inquired mildly.

    The surgeon shot him a sour look. “I slab a few idiots every year. What d’you expect, when you put five thousand kids between the ages of eighteen and twenty together on an island and tell ’em to go play war? I admit, this one seems to have discovered a completely new method of slabbing himself. I guess you never see it all.”"

    miles went in to search but found nothing but a handlight

    original impressions suggest the guy was alone

    Pattas is surprised Miles seems unimpressed by the mans body

    page 3

    Pattas asks if hes seen a body before

    Miles thinks about it

    "Miles hesitated. Events of three years ago flickered through his memory. The brief months he’d been caught in desperate combat far from home, having accidentally fallen in with a space mercenary force, was not a secret to be mentioned or even hinted at here. Regular Imperial troops despised mercenaries anyway, alive or dead. But the Tau Verde campaign had surely taught him the difference between practice and real, between war and war games, and that death had subtler vectors than direct touch. “Before,” said Miles dampingly. “Couple of times.”"

    later he gets a call from someone in Vorbarr Sultana

    handsome Ivan is on the other end

    he wanted to show Miles his new apartment

    page 4

    Miles used to live in the capitol, he finds it strange to see again

    Ivan has a webcam you can turn around 360, shows Miles the room

    he gets a wave of homesickness

    Ivan has a new girlfriend

    Ivan noticed Miles is soaked, asks what he's been doing

    forensic plumbing

    "how’s life in the infantry?”

    “Oh, great. Lazkowski Base is the real thing, y’know.” Miles did not define what real thing. “Not a . . . warehouse for excess Vor lordlings like Imperial Headquarters.”"

    Ivan explains how fun his job is, getting to see info from all over the empire

    page 5

    "Voices from another universe. At that, Vorbarr Sultana was only a couple of hours away by sub-orbital flight. In theory. Miles was obscurely comforted to be reminded that the whole planet hadn’t shrunk to the lead-gray horizons of Kyril Island, even if his part of it seemed to have."

    later he goes to the infirmary to talk to the surgeon

    surgeon explains that the guy got stuck and died within thirty minutes. "death by misadventure"."

    Miles asks why he doesnt want to know more

    page 6

    surgeon isnt interested. just death by stupidity, details irrelevant

    Miles goes jogging

    arrives at culverts

    "The road was lonely, out by the empty practice fields. The sun crawled crabwise toward the horizon. Miles broke from a jog back to a walk, then to a slower walk. His leg-braces chafed, beneath his pants. One of these days very soon he would take the time to get the brittle long bones in his legs replaced with synthetics. At that, elective surgery might be a quasi-legitimate way to lever himself off Kyril Island, if things grew too desperate before his six months were up. It seemed like cheating, though."

    he tries to figure out why the guy chose that particular culvert

    he takes a slightly wider one and voila finds

    7

    a package taped to the roof

    his mind races, thinking of the glory

    "Pastries. A couple of dozen lisettes, a kind of miniature popover glazed and stuffed with candied fruit, made, traditionally, for the Midsummer Day celebration. Month-and-a-half-old stale pastries. What a cause to die for."

    doc isnt impressed

    "The surgeon’s only comment, when Miles caught up with him and explained his findings, was “Yep. Death from stupidity, all right.” Absently, the man bit into a lisette and sniffed."

    8

    he see Lt Ahn off

    Ahn leaves him with a cryptic warning

    "he can be a funny kind of dangerous. dont ever really threaten him, huh?"

    Ahn tells him not to risk pissing him off

    9

    Miles decides to look into Metzovs record

    clearly something happened during the Komarr revolt that got him sent to Kyril Island

    he comes to a redacted section and decides to call a contact with security clearance

    its Ivan!

    10

    "Yeah, the old man’s stuck in committee. Nice little flap—a Barrayaran-registered freighter got itself impounded in the Hegen Hub—at Vervain Station—for suspicion of espionage.”

    surely this wont end up having something to do with the story later

    Ivan gets stopped by an impsec warning, explains how he cant get any data out

    Miles tells him how he can make the two computers talk to each other, bypassing all security

    11

    Miles finds out Metzov probably killed a dude who killed a guard trying to escape

    And there the info ended

    Miles tries to get Ivan on board

    "You,” said Ivan severely, “are career-poison. Never darken my vidplate again. Except at home, of course.”

    12

    5000 grubs arrive!

    some grubs strted a fire lighting farts

    Miles suggested they solve the problem by taking red bean stew off the menu

    "Three months down, three to go. It was getting darker."

    chapter 5

    1

    not the wahwah warning?

    silence was baffling

    some sort of accident in a toxic stores bunker

    2

    they join a big gang of folks at the bunker, including fire marshall and surgeon

    surgeon tells them to take off everything and then decon

    the bunker is full of fetaine

    a terrible poison

    barrels corroded over 20 years

    3

    Miles suggests using heat to melt the fetaine

    fetaine affects reproduction

    Miles busts out a full on weatherman bit

    Bonn and the fire marshall plan the operation

    Miles thinks about following them there

    he cant risk mutating his sperm

    he couldnt sleep so he's up

    Metzov is in his office with Bonn

    Miles steps in

    Metzov says some ignorant shit

    he says he isnt mad

    the doc says the gear isnt good enough

    5

    Metzov is talking about shooting people who dont follow orders

    Miles doesnt like what hes seeing

    were gonna have a good old fashioned discipline parade

    6

    Metzov has a bunch of guys lined up

    "the really old-fashioned discipline parades had involved lead-lined rubber hoses. How far back in Barrayaran history was Metzov’s mind rooted?"

    Metzov explains why it was good to have multiple military branches so they could shoot each other

    mutiny?!

    "'Principle, sir, what principle? It’s waste disposal,” Miles choked."

    7

    a bunch of grubs with nerve disruptors (which sound hella scary)

    Miles thinks about how these kids arent trained enough for these weapons

    Metzov orders the techs to strip

    Miles thinks about how evil fetaine is and how screwy it is for barrayar to have made it

    Bonn strips and joins the line

    8

    "No, no, no! Miles screamed inside his head. If you join them they’ll never back down. They’ll know they’re right. Bad mistake, bad . . . "

    Metzov tells Miles to grab a gun or get gone.

    someone gives Miles a disruptor

    "He could leave. Could he leave?"

    he realizes this is gonna be a massacre

    he ponders the thorniness of the issue, how his dad taught about how to handle criminal orders

    it was a powerful class

    they called it Vorkosigan's Day

    9

    "For a lunatic moment Miles envisioned thumbing off the safety and shooting Metzov. And then what, shoot the grubs? He couldn’t possibly get them all before they got him.

    I could be the only soldier here under thirty who’s ever killed an enemy before, in battle or out of it."

    M realizes he has no choice. his career is toast, he knows hed be haunted by ghosts if he doesnt join the others

    "He sat on the ground. Pulled off his gloves and boots. Let his parka fall, and his shirts. Trousers and thermal underwear atop the pile, and the nerve disruptor nested carefully on them. He stepped forward. His leg braces felt like icicles against his calves.

    I hate passive resistance. I really, really hate it."

    "What the hell do you think you’re doing, Ensign?” Metzov snarled as Miles limped past him.

    “Breaking this up, sir,” Miles replied steadily"

    Metzov calls him Vorkosigan, which could only stiffen his resolve. hes honorbound to do the right thing

    10

    Miles calls him Mad Metzov in his head

    Miles explains the situation. If people learn what happened it would be bad for Metzov

    "S-s-sorry, sir, but I see at least ten witnesses, behind those nerve disruptors.”

    "You can’t silence me. Living or dead, through my mouth or yours—or theirs—I will testify.”"

    11

    Miles gives Metzov a win, explaining how it could benefit him

    Metzov calls his dad a nasty name

    Miles gets him to go for the deal

    he sees the relief in Metzovs eyes

    "It reminded him of that definition of his father’s. A weapon is a device for making your enemy change his mind. The mind was the first and final battleground; the stuff in between was just noise."

    Bonn asks am i supposed to thank you for this?

    "We got what we wanted, eh? He’s going to plasma the fetaine on-site before the wind shifts in the morning. Nobody dies. Nobody gets their nuts curdled. We win. I think.”"

    12

    Bonn and Miles are cellmates

    Bonn just confirmed that the bunker was melted

    guards take Miles to base security

    Impsec is there as Miles arrives

    Miles signs some travel orders

    13

    Miles is stoked to see the impsec courier thinking hes there to help

    Metzov comes in all pleased

    says if a vor commits mutiny its treason

    Miles realizes now that the big guy is his new jailer

    "Overholt, read the name on the man’s badge, which Miles mentally redubbed Overkill. He had only to lift his arm to dangle Miles like a kitten."

    14

    theyre taking him to imperial hq

    "The Imperial Security sub-orbital courier shuttle sat on the icy concrete like a bird of prey accidentally placed in a pigeon cote. Slick and black and deadly, it seemed to break the sound barrier just resting there."

    Miles can smell the weather - conflicting emotions

  • In this one, Sofia B drops by to discuss traffic planning, terminators, and Jeff's favorite science fiction novel, The Vor Game by Lois McMaster Bujold.

    Sofia will return soon to discuss The Vor Game, Chapters 3 thru 5 soon. Get in on the fun by sending your thoughts to: [email protected]

    Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam!

    https://discord.gg/vtJnpkhd

    Check out Sofia’s interview on Jeff’s other show, Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?:

    https://awesomepodnw.libsyn.com/episode-149-saving-the-wetlands-ft-sofia-buhrgard

    Jeff's podcasts

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

    Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)

    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024

    Here’s James website for all his activities:

    jameslark.co.uk

    Recommendations

    The Lost Cause by Cory Doctorow

    A Deadly Education and Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik

    Social Media

    None for Sofia R unless you're looking for traffic planning - if so hit us up and we'll connect you!



    Jeff Richardson

    @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

    Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)




    Links



    Dandelion Dynasty

    Dune

    The Mars Trilogy

    The Expanse

    The Dresden Files

    Whiplash

    Starship Enterprise

    GI Jane

    Iraq War

    Abu Ghraib lady

    Jessica Lynch

    Meg Ryan movie pilot

    Terminator 2: Judgment Day

    The Terminator

    Murmansk

    Insomnia

    Desperation

    The Dark Tower



    Extended Notes



    chapter 1

    page 1

    plastic flimsie - apparently we're still using plastic centuries from now - hopefully its made of bamboo or hemp or something biodegradable

    maybe their matter recyclers break them down so they dont sit in landfills

    so we're in an empire

    page 2

    chief of impsec illyan who remembered everything

    the emperor is young? if hes near military academy age thatd be 23 plus

    Vorish types? whats that?

    page 3

    ship duty is the most sought after appointment

    ive been interviewing my dad and he got ship duty, though he wasnt academy trained

    "'So what have they done to you this time?” asked Plause, clearly prepared to offer congratulations or sympathy as indicated."

    Ivans Miles's cousin? also Miles has physical handicaps. long description of what it was like being made taller

    page 4

    miles isnt built for infantry

    Major Cecil has a sense of humor

    page 5

    miles insurbodination

    "your most insidious chronic problem is in the area of . . . how shall I put this precisely . . . subordination. You argue too much.”

    “No, I don’t,” Miles began indignantly, then shut his mouth."

    page 6

    Miles is a manipulator par excellence

    if he keeps his nose clean and gets along with his officers and subordinates hell be recommended for ship duty on a shipnthat sounds a lot like the enterprise

    page 7

    "your saving grace. Mutant"

    there are mutants in this story? and Miles is proving their worth?

    "We’re not trying to make it impossible, Ensign.”

    Merely very difficult. “I’m glad to know that too. Sir.” Miles’s parting salute was almost subordinate."

    page 8

    "A couple of the black-clad men, watching him as he hopped down from the ramp, made remarks to each other in Barrayaran Greek, a minority dialect of Earth origin, thoroughly debased in the centuries of the Time of Isolation."

    so we have greeks on a different planet who still speak greek, this isnt earth and were after something called the time of isolation

    Miles can speak Greek but he plays it cool

    its a mutant! lets talk disability and how folks treated disabled folks in the 90s

    its horrible that you could be beaten to death in this society for being too different. also a good sign of Miles's character that he acknowledges his privilege. That sort of thing was much less common in the 90s

    the vorkosigans own district? is that where they live or do they rule it? is Miles a prince?

    "Yes, rank, social or military, had its uses. Miles meant to acquire all he could before he was done."

    page 9

    he chooses to walk rather than inconvenience the jerks

    his disabiity sounds severe, having to wear braces and having trouble walking very far

    his pride makes him hide his trouble

    base is free of infantry until summer

    page 10

    the air inside is 98.6! who works here?

    the meteorology officer is a drunk in his underwear

    page 11

    this is Lieutenant Anh

    hes been in this terrible assignment for fifteen years

    you have to wonder what he could have done to deserve that

    he runs into a jogging sergeant maybe in the lobby

    page 12

    "Miles stood with his legs slightly apart, threw back his head, and stared up with equal force. The man seemed totally oblivious to Miles’s collar tabs. Exasperated, Miles snapped, “Are all the keepers on vacation, or is anybody actually running this bloody zoo?'"

    "With a cold flare of his carved nostril, the Base Commander glared down at Miles and growled, “I run it, Ensign."

    Chapter 2

    page 1

    Anh is awake, hungover, and breathing poorly

    "Ha?” Ahn looked up, and returned his salute automatically. “What the devil are you, ah . . . Ensign?”

    this dude lost an entire day

    Miles seizes the chance to trick this dude into teaching him something

    Anh looks him over ever so briefly and moves on

    he names all the computers womens names

    page 2

    he tapes the procedural discs under each piece of gear

    he names his coffee pot Georgette

    Anh turns in a slow 360 to meditate (or maybe predict the weather?)

    just past the shortest night of the year

    in summer

    must be the north pole?

    "Kyril Island was an egg-shaped lump about seventy kilometers wide and one-hundred-sixty kilometers long, and over five hundred kilometers from the next land of any description. Lumpy and brown described most of it, both base and island."

    nobody bothered with agricultural terraforming

    so this is a thing now, making worlds more like earth

    talking about bleakness

    "To the near south, the leaden sea heaved, muting the sun’s best efforts at sparkle. To the far north a gray line marked the border of the tundra at a chain of dead volcanic mountains."

    hed been in snow before but here the sea air seeps into his bones at every old break (which is many)

    page 3

    Anh is shocked to learn that Miles's dad is Lord Vorkosigan

    Admiral Count, conqueror of Komarr, hero of Escobar, Lord Regent to the emperor

    "I have seen him laugh in pure delight, standing on the dock at Vorkosigan Surleau and yelling instructions over the water, the morning I first sailed, dumped, and righted the skimmer by myself. I have seen him weep till his nose ran, more dead drunk than you were yesterday, Ahn, the night we got the word Major Duvallier was executed for espionage. I have seen him rage, so brick-red we feared for his heart, when the reports came in fully detailing the stupidities that led to the last riots in Solstice. I have seen him wandering around Vorkosigan House at dawn in his underwear, yawning and prodding my sleepy mother into helping him find two matching socks. He’s not like anything, Ahn. He’s the original.

    “He cares about Barrayar,” Miles said aloud at last, as the silence grew awkward. “He’s . . . a hard act to follow.”

    Miles think Ahn would be more prejudiced if he wasnt so stoked about his coming retirement

    page 4

    What is Vor?

    "I’m Vor,” said Miles impatiently. “I serve. Or at any rate, I try to. Wherever I’m put. That was the deal.”

    what are wah-wahs?

    Miles doesnt mind beatings but he hates

    practical jokes - same

    explains ropes between buildings and how to fall without breaking bones

    "...you must never let yourself get caught without your cold gear, or more than fifteen minutes away from a bunker. There’s bunkers all around the grubs’ practice fields out there.” Ahn waved his arm in that direction. He seemed quite serious, even earnest. “You hear that siren, you run like hell for cover. The size you are, if you ever got picked up and blown into the sea, they’d never find you again.'"

    spoiler alert - good foreshadowing about the dangers and the bunkers

    he wonders how Anh gets his numbers

    page 5

    "'You’re not just making them up, are you?” said Miles in suspicion.

    “No!” said Ahn. “I hadn’t thought about it, but . . . it’s the way the day smells, I guess.” He inhaled deeply, by way of demonstration."

    theres no such thing as a smellometer

    "When Ahn leaves, this island is going to experience an 11-to-21% drop in forecast accuracy. They’re going to notice."

    page 6

    Anh is trashed so Miles gets to work

    more good foreshadowing

    "Base personnel, Miles had been given to understand, had grown extremely tired of picking lost antigrav sleds out of the frigid sea. Not to mention their late drivers."

    one of the ableist Greeks from earlier is at the motor pool when Miles gets there

    page 7

    Miles has to constantly preclvent himself from going off, but hes gotten good at it

    "Concentrate on the task, not the bloody audience. You’ve always had an audience. Probably always will."

    he realizes its gonna be a year or two before people respect him every time he goes to a new post

    page 8

    hes enjoying being alone for once

    hes late so he decided to camp out for four hours til its light again

    he parks where Pattas told him to park

    on a video he saw a portapotty flying horizontally and decides he needs to weigh down his tent

    page 9

    to that end he attaches a chain from his tent to the scat cat

    he reads, goes to sleep, then wakes up in darkness even though it should be bright out

    hes experiencing carbon monoxide poisoning and is stuck in the muck, tent all squished up

    "Miles shoved one finger against the thin cold plastic. It yielded slowly, like soft butter, and retained the dented impression. What the hell . . . ?"

    hes underground, stuck in some sort of slow mud

    page 10

    he tells himself to relax

    he thinks about the ice poking tube in the scat cat, then realizes the scat cat is pulling him down

    he hs a terrible vision of people finding his gross body

    he gets a rib from the tent and pokes it through a small gap in the zipper

    "He’d feared the black mud would pour in, drowning him at once, but it only crept in extrusive blobs, to fall with oozing plops. The comparison was obvious and repulsive. God, and I thought I’d been in deep shit before."

    he turns the heat tube off to put in his pocket and its pitch black

    hes running out of time

    page 11

    he unzips his boots and undoes his belt buckle

    he pulls in tons of mud to make room, then surges upward

    "His legs slid out of his boots and pants, his hips sucked free, and he rolled away. He lay spread-eagled for maximum support on the treacherous surface, faceup to the gray swirling sky. His uniform jacket and long underwear were soaked with slime, and he’d lost one thermal sock, as well as both boots and his trousers.

    It was sleeting."

    later his colleagues find him freezing in the weather station, having busted a piece of equipment to use to signal Anh back in HQ. He's alive, but boy is he pissed

  • In this one, Friend of DeSoto and entertainment lawyer Dave H swings by to discuss one of the scariest movies of all time, The Thing, directed by John Carpenter.

    [Reminder: Lindsey had to step back from the show for personal reasons, so until Jeff finds a permanent cohost we'll be swapping between various properties with different guests. Check in if you’d like to participate, or if you know someone who’d be a good guest at: [email protected] ]

    Dave H will return soon to discuss Star Trek: Lower Decks. Get in on the fun by sending your thoughts to: [email protected]

    Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam!

    https://discord.gg/vtJnpkhd

    Jeff's podcasts

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

    Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)

    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024

    Here’s James website for all his activities:

    jameslark.co.uk

    Recommendations

    Comedy Bang! Bang!

    Natalie Haines, fiction and nonfiction

    The Vor Game by Lois McMaster Bujold

    Unspoiled! Network



    Social Media

    Jeff Richardson

    @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon

    Email us at: [email protected]

    Links

    The Greatest Generation

    Greatest Trek

    Star Trek: TNG

    Star Trek: Voyager

    The Hobbit

    Lord of the Rings

    Chronicles of Narnia

    Neuromancer

    Dune

    H.P. Lovecraft

    The Expanse

    Storygraph

    Area X Trilogy

    A Nightmare on Elm Street

    Halloween 3: Season of the Witch

    Alien

    Escape From New York

    They Live

    Akira

    Ghost in the Shell

    The Godfather

    Star Trek

    Doctor Who

    Happy Days

    Die Hard

    The Bad News Bears

    Judge Dredd

    2000 AD

    "Who Goes There" by John W Campbell, Jr

    The Thing From Another World

    Astounding Science Fiction

    Ennio Morricone

    "At the Mountains of Madness" by HP Lovecraft

    Robert Stack

    James Cromwell

    Adventure Time

    Community

    Cocoon

    *batteries not included

    The Warriors

    "Horror of Fang Rock" - Doctor Who

    Nigerian scammer Emmanuel Nwude

    "New Earth" - Doctor Who

    Erich Von Däniken

    Kool-aid Man

    Daleks

    Nightbreed

    The Thing End Credits Music by Carpenter

    In the Line of Fire

    Aliens

    Godzilla

    E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

    Elf

    Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

    "Schisms" - ST:DS9

    "Identity Crisis" - ST:TNG

    "All Those Who Wander" - ST:SNW

    Star Trek: Strange New Worlds

    Star Trek: Lower Decks

    Titmouse, Inc. - Vancouver, BC

    The Venture Brothers

    Clash of the Titans

    Ray Harryhausen

    Battlestar Galactica

    Shards of Honor

    Ender's Game




    Extended Notes

    ennio morricone

    it sounds carpentery but its not! interesting

    flying saucer!

    shaky dolly across a sweet snowy ridge

    this husky looks so happy

    were shootin dogs!

    look at these cute

    old dudes playing ping pong

    "Poor baby youre startin to lose it, arent you?"

    he poured whiskey into his computer! wtf

    hell of an opener

    boss looks like discount robert stack

    theyve been cut off for two weeks? ominous

    Nauls like to skate

    "maybe were at war with Norway"

    Macready has to fly them even though the weather sucks

    this dogs biding his time

    Nauls likes stevie, doesnt actually turn it down

    dogs peekin

    spooky norwegian place is torched

    bloody axe in a door

    icicles everywhere

    corpse in a chair

    cut his wrists but also his throat?

    good depth of set here

    cute doggy waiting for them

    groovy steam comin off the multicorpse

    guy sounds like Brimley but looks like Beatty

    spooky dog freaks out the others

    this monster dog is so nasty, launching tentacles and spider legs

    its got a goo hose

    "idont know what the hells in there but its weird and pissed off, whatever it is"

    Childs torches it

    long silent pause while they absorb the situation

    autopsy on the creature

    they find the spot they dug something up

    and head out to investigate

    big saucer

    theyre awfully blase about ice climbing

    why is the ice blue?

    "i just cannot believe all this voodoo bullshit"

    i love Keith David! he was in precinct 13, they live, fire king in adventure time

    groovy computer program describing cells

    this computer is extremely sophisticated if it can project something and describe it in simple terms like that

    guy says we should burn them

    "you cant burn the find of the century. thats gonna win somebody the Nobel prize"

    oh dude its goopin

    the boys talk out in the Thiokol - Blairs journal says the things are still alive

    uh oh Bennings got absorbed

    they torched him

    theyre using so much fuel

    odd that Garry isnt taking charge

    everyone seems to defer to Mac

    action packed bit where Blair is losing it. he killed the dogs, messed up the computers tractor and the choppers

    locking Blair into the toolshed

    "trusts a tough thing to come by these days. why dont you just trust in the lord."

    Blair says to watch Clark closely

    theyre gonna make a blood serum test

    paranoid mess after the blood packs are found to be damaged

    Windows tries to get a gun

    they decide Mac should hold the weapons

    whoa Mac decides theyre gonna drug Garry Clark and Copper with morphine

    "Nobody trusts anybody now. We're all very tired."

    everyone should prepare their own meals and eat out of cans in case a single particle could take someone over

    Fuchs finds Macs ripped up coat

    guys go out to find him

    they check on Blair

    "I hear funny things out here."

    Fuchs bought it. did he burn himself?

    "were going to my shack. What for? Cus when i left yesterday i turned the lights off." lights are on

    "Childs, what if were wrong about him? then were wrong"

    "anybody touches me and we go"

    thing eats Coppers hands and then goes full nightmare

    they cook it but the head escapes

    spider head peeks out

    Mcready decides to tie everyone up and test their blood

    "you see when a man bleeds, its just tissue. the blood of one of you things wont obey when its attacked"

    mac heats up a wire and plans to cook the different samples to see if they react

    whoa they cooked Palmer and he did the fun stuntman fire walk, rushed through a wall then exploded

    apparently they stop needing to use the fire extinguisher

    "i know you gentleman have been through a lot, but when you find the time id rather not spend the rest of this winter tied to this fucking couch!"

    Blair got out. someone mustve let him out

    theres a secret lair underneath the shed?

    hes made himself a spaceship?

    now theyre hunting Blair

    Childs leaves the camp and then the power goes out

    the thing wants to freeze and wait for rescue

    Mac blows up the little ship

    they break in using a little tractor to use the fuel

    theyre lighting everything up room by room

    great lighting in the generator room

    omg its so nasty when Blair invades Garrys face and drags him off

    Mac is worried, hes got a stick of d and a lighter

    damn that thing can roll underground, shit now its a sandworm dinosaur

    "yeah, fuck you too"

    so nasty

    it blows big

    Mac survives, hes outside, hes drinkin

    "how will we make it?" "maybe we shouldnt"

    "why dont we just wait here a little while? see what happens."

    Childs takes a drink and the bumbums come in

    howd the guy live being frozen

    "because hes a space guy'"

  • In this one, James Lark phones in from jolly old London to discuss the first book in The Bartimaeus Trilogy, The Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud.

    [Reminder: Lindsey had to step back from the show for personal reasons, so until Jeff finds a permanent cohost we'll be swapping between various properties with different guests. Check in if you’d like to participate, or if you know someone who’d be a good guest at: [email protected] ]

    Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam!

    https://discord.gg/vtJnpkhd

    Jeff's podcasts

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

    Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)



    James’s podcast



    Neurotic Literature



    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024

    Here’s James website for all his activities:

    jameslark.co.uk

    Recommendations

    Neurotic Literature

    Anora

    The Good Doctor

    The Library of Impossible Things




    Social Media

    Jeff Richardson

    @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon

    James Lark

    @JamesLark on twitter

    @works of Lark on Instagram



    Links

    Doctor Who

    Torn Music: Rejected Film Scores, A Selected History

    David Bowie

    Kate Bush

    Hammer Horror

    Douglas Adams

    Stravinsky

    Mark Ayres

    Buddhism

    Jorge Luis Borges

    The Discontinuity Guide

    The Avengers, “The Maneater of Surrey Green”

    Emma Peel

    Nicholas Fisk

    John Windham

    Coronation Street

    Doctor Who and the Daleks

    Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

    Dudley Simpson

    Paddy Kingsland

    Patrick McNee

    Lockwood and Co

    The Notorious Scarlet and Brown

    The Dresden Files

    Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell

    The Box of Delights

    John Macefield

    Patrick Troughton

    Thor 2: The Dark World

    The Hobbit

    The Chronicles of Narnia

    The Screwtape Letters

    Libro.fm

    Hoopla

    Borrowbox

    Hamster with a Blunt Penknife




    Extended Notes



    I ask you

    chapter one

    "The sulfur cloud contracted into a thick column of smoke that vomited forth thin tendrils; they licked the air like tongues before withdrawing. The column hung above the middle of the pentacle, bubbling ever upward against the ceiling like the cloud of an erupting volcano. There was a barely perceptible pause. Then two yellow staring eyes materialized in the heart of the smoke.

    "Hey, it was his first time. I wanted to scare him."

    kid makes sure its the correct demon.

    "Are you that B-Bartimaeus who in olden times was summoned by the magicians to repair the walls of Prague?”

    What a time waster this kid was. Who else would it be? I upped the volume a bit on this one…

    ‘I am Bartimaeus! I am Sakhr al-Jinni, N’gorso the Mighty, and the Serpent of Silver Plumes! I have rebuilt the walls of Uruk, Karnak, and Prague. I have spoken with Solomon. I have run with the buffalo fathers of the plains. I have watched over Old Zimbabwe till the stones fell and the jackals fed on its people. I am Bartimaeus!’"

    most young magicians are cautious. the kid is punching above his weight

    B thinks the kid should be thinking about cars and girls and not summoning

    "I charge you to retrieve the Amulet of Samarkand from the house of Simon Lovelace and bring it to me when I summon you at dawn tomorrow.”

    “You what?”

    “I charge you to retrieve—”

    “Yes, I heard what you said.”

    I didn’t mean to sound petulant. It just slipped out, and my sepulchral tones slipped a bit too."

    the wizard has to send them away thrice unless they choose to leave before that

    B thinks someone is taking advantage of kid

    we're in London, must be close to modern day if there are racing cars

    kids room is decorated spartanly - B wonders why there are no posters of pop stars or football players

    the amulet belongs to Simon Loveless. He is bad news and will get it back

    the Systemic Vise is some nasty spell to hurt demons

    chapter 2

    B can turn into animals

    it hurts to be corporeal

    changing forms helps but it burns up his energy

    he wonders about the kid and what will happen to his rep when other demons learn hes controlled by a child

    he can see on seven planes - humans can only see one

    magic protections equal wealth. do people pay mages to set it up or are only mages wealthy?

    the house is well defended, including three weird looking sentries

    he turns into a mole to go under the shield

    chapter three

    B is a being of fire and air so he hates earth

    you dont notice it on the audiobook but he has little asides in the endnotes

    he heard voices in the house and sees a vent. he becomes a fly

    chapter 4

    two people in a room, one woman fawning over a dude, Simon Lovelace

    he thought he might turn into this lady next time he sees the kid. i cant picture that happening onscreen lol

    endnote -

    "For those who are wondering, I have no difficulty in becoming a woman. Nor for that matter a man. In some ways I suppose women are trickier, but I won’t go into that now. Woman, man, mole, maggot—they’re all the same, when all’s said and done, except for slight variations in cognitive ability."

    Lovelace has an imp on his shoulder so B cant enter til it leaves

    B clearly hates ordinary human behavior.

    "The magician was talking. He did little else. The woman gazed at him with spaniel eyes so wide and silly with adoration that I wanted to bite her."

    shes named Amanda

    so we have a prime minister and sycophants. is there a king or queen? a house of commons? how similar to earths is the government?

    Carter arrives, one of SLs servants

    he has a friend, a playwright named Makepeace. SL and Amanda will be going to the theater

    he considers using magic.

    "I debated sending out a discreet magical pulse to see if I could detect the whereabouts of the magician’s artifacts, but decided that it was far too risky. The sentry creatures outside might pick it up, for one thing, even if there was no further guard. I, the fly, would have to go hunting myself."

    theres a frog alarm disguised as a smoke detector, so we're definitely in the electronic age

    B does good spywork, following the mark, going to the most well defended door

    he can turn into smoke! he goes under the door and then turns into a child.

    he thinks about being the magic kid, but cant because he doesnt know his name.

    instead he becomes a dark skinned boy from Bs past, someone he loved?

    demons can love... kid was from the Nile, so perhaps pharaoh times?

    the room is full of magical bits and bobs, which B scoffs at

    theres a golems eye which is super powerful.

    he figures SL doesnt know that.

    he says some stuff about magical tourism.

    "Magical tourism…I ask you.5 Well, with luck it might kill him some day."

    according to the endnote, B doesnt care about cultural vandalism, he just finds it vulgar he sees the amulet in a glass case.

    "The Amulet was small, dull, and made of beaten gold. It hung from a short gold chain. In its center was an oval piece of jade. The gold had been pressed with simple notched designs depicting running steeds. Horses were the prize possessions of the people from central Asia who had made the Amulet three thousand years before and had later buried it in the tomb of one of their princesses."

    he breaks the glass and grabs it.

    something on the seventh plane is coming. a portal is opening and something is coming through. he bolts for the door. his fist blows up the door

    turns out the toad isnt just an alarm, it also spits acid.

    B shrinks it with a compression spell. B can make force fields so he throws one up and keeps running. Something called a Detonation sends him flying into the wall.

    "The impact was so great that I was sent flying headlong at an angle down the corridor and half into the wall. Green flames licked around me, leaving streaks on the decor like the fingers of a giant hand."

    a red skinned demon shouts Bs name. B rolls down the stairs and looks at the front door.

    The sentries are out there so he heads to the back of the house.

    he comes to a kitchen with an attached greenhouse. he runs in and puts a Seal on the door to the hall.

    near the fire is a cook with a meat cleaver.

    "He was sitting far back in his chair with his shoes on the kitchen table, a fat, jovial-looking man with a red face and a meat cleaver in his hand. He was studiously paring his nails with the cleaver, flicking each fragment of nail expertly through the air to land in the fireplace beside him. As he did so he watched me continuously with his dark little eyes."

    Its Faquarl! he and B have history, and he must be strong because B is on his best behavior

    detonations hit the door but the seal holds

    Jabor must be the red guy. apparently hes gotten more addicted to violence ove rthe years

    "Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen,’ that’s your master’s watchword, is it? Still, he must be fairly potent to be able to have you and Jabor as his slaves.”

    Faquarl does not like the S word. He says he and Jabor are playing the long game

    Faquarl tells him to give back the amulet.

    he cant do that. endnote 7

    "Not strictly correct. I could have given over the Amulet and thus failed in my charge. But then, even if I had managed to escape from Faquarl, I would have had to return empty-handed to the pale-faced boy. My failure would have left me at his tender mercy, doubly in his power, and somehow I knew this was not a good idea."

    B tries to edge toward the window. F tells him its silly and pointless. calls the sentries

    triloids.

    B goes to return the amulet, leaps to the side and drops the Seal.

    The detonation shoots through the opening and hurls F into the fire. B bolts and gets into the garden.

    The triloids come for him so he makes an Illumination, blinding them.

    He tears ass through it and gets out of the yard, hitting the alarm field as he goes.

    he hears hooves so turns into a peregrine falcon. he takes off across the city, F and J following

    "Suffice it to say, however, that when Faquarl and Jabor landed in the Hampstead backstreet, creating an invisible obstruction that was immediately hit by a speeding moving van, I was nowhere to be seen."

    i dont know what this means

    chapter 5

    Nathaniel

    heres where we find out how awful the kids master is. hes got big white eyebrows

    "Remember this,” he said in a soft voice. “Demons are very wicked. They will hurt you if they can. Do you understand this?”

    master doesnt think the kid really gets it.

    "Oh, yes, sir; yes, I do, sir. Demons are wicked and they are hurtful and they will hurt you if you let them, sir.”

    hes only seen demons in books (are we back in time or is he lying?)

    Master tells him to go to his office, get his spectacles, wear them, then return.

    "Never having been beyond this point before, he had nothing but nursery stories to furnish his ideas of what might be waiting in his master’s study. Terrible images of stuffed crocodiles and bottled eyeballs sprang garishly into his mind. Furiously he drove them out again."

    he enters the office. it seems ordinary. he sees the box on a table.

    he heads toward it.

    he tries to touch it but it keeps moving. its too hot.

    the whole room seems to be alive with noises. pens start rolling in all directions.

    something laughs in his ear. he lashes out.

    he grabs the mastersglasses, runs for the door. it slams shut.

    he hears all this motion. shouts begone. sounds stop but then start again.

    he puts on the glasses.

    "A hundred small demons filled every inch of the space in front of him. They were stacked one on top of the other all over the room, like seeds in a melon or nuts in a bag, with feet squishing faces and elbows jabbed into bellies. So tightly were they clustered that the very carpet was blocked out. Leering obscenely, they squatted on the desk, hung from the lights and bookcases, and hovered in midair. Some balanced on the protruding noses of others or were suspended from their limbs. A few had huge bodies with heads the size of oranges; several displayed the reverse. There were tails and wings and horns and warts and extra hands, mouths, feet, and eyes. There were too many scales and too much hair and other things in impossible places."

    the demons jump him, not hurting him but menacing him terribly for twenty minutes. it was immensely traumatizing. his master never explained it or even discussed it.

    it bred deep resentment in Nathaniel.

    "This was one of Nathaniel’s earliest experiences. He did not speak of it to anyone, but the shadow of it never left his heart. He was six years old at the time."

    chapter 6

    Bartimaeus has the amulet but it sends out a powerful aura so anyone aware of magic can follow it to the source. Bartimaues still has hours to go before hes summoned again, so hes constantly moving from one hideout to the next.

    small red spheres are moving all over the city, looking for it.

    there were so many Lovelace had to have other magicians assisting him with the search.

    finally hes too tired to keep switching and moving, so he goes to Trafalgar square to blend in with other magic items and people, as a way to obscure the amulets position.

    B flies in and turns into the egyptian boy again, wearing jeans and a tshirt. tourists are looking at so called magical trinkets, snapping pictures and whatnot. some people were magicians, mostly from government. one had an imp but the majority were without demons. a few regular police and some hairy night police.

    b goes to look at a stall but realizes a gang of kids are looking at him. He doesnt know why, but he tries to mill about and get rid of them. he wondered why they were following him. it couldnt have been to mug him, he was clearly broke.

    he manages to lose them by going into the subway and popping back up on the other side of the road. He hunkers

    down in another alley behind some bins. He smiles, thinking hes lost them.

    “I was wrong.”

  • In this one, Dean Eaton swings by to discuss Part 1 of Terry Pratchett's The Colour of Magic (2008). Lindsey had to step back from the show for personal reasons, so until Jeff finds a permanent cohost we'll be swapping between various properties with different guests.

    Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam!

    https://discord.gg/vtJnpkhd

    Dean’s project

    Omniversal Escapades

    Jeff's projects

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

    Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)



    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024

    Here’s James website for all his activities:

    jameslark.co.uk

    Recommendations

    Omniversal Escapades

    The Good Doctor

    Discworld, Book 3: Equal Rites

    The Dresden Files

    The Witcher (book series)

    The Fatal Wish

    Social Media

    Jeff Richardson

    @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon

    Dean Eaton

    @geekusdean on the various socials



    Links

    Lord of the Rings

    The Hobbit

    Aladdin

    Hercules

    X-Men: The Animated Series

    Spider-Man (1994)

    Batman: The Animated Series

    Star Trek

    Star Trek: The Next Generation

    Star Wars

    Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

    Congo

    The Blair Witch Project

    The Twilight Zone

    Outer Limits

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pete%27s_Dragon_(1977_film)

    Journeyquest

    Modiphius Discworld RPG

    The Adventure Zone

    Spider-man: Into the Spiderverse

    William Shakespeare

    Mortal Kombat



    Extended Notes

    purple sky

    in a distant and second hand set of dimensions

    through wavering star mists see the great A'tuin

    big turtle, four giant elephants, discworld

    astrozoologists

    what is the sex of the turtle

    ankh morpork - sean astin twoflower is the worlds first tourist

    good looking city

    pretty good cgi

    eight heads of the order of wizardry

    "when a wizard is tired of looking for broken glass in his dinner, hes tired of life. Im just speculating, obviously" - Tim Curry wizard

    old rumlet died

    Rincewind shows up late - David Jason?

    its a real sausage fest here

    rincewind isnt even level 1 so he gets bumped

    who killed Narrowbolt?

    interesting architecture

    one weird lady making charms

    rincewind leave Unseen University stirs magic?

    bums steals food in market

    why is Astin so modern and these clods are medieval or renaissance?

    Is Rincewind possessed by purple juice?

    being protected by magic

    Rincewind sees gold and he wants it!

    sapient pear wood trunk has legs

    RWs robe is so janky

    fun whip pans

    tavern set has good depth

    Rincewind can speak Trob

    he says he can help tourist stay alive

    Bes Pelargic

    best port of Agatean Empire

    "he says he's a tourist Huh? Whats that mean then? I think it means idiot."

    scum finds out tourist has gold

    Ymor the thief finds out

    whore pits and slave markets? yikes

    Jeremy Irons the Patrician chewing the scenery

    hes got a fake widows peak and a speech impediment

    Zlorf the assassin

    these dwarves seem dangerous

    Bruff of the guild of merchants and traders

    the magic flash makes them fight each other?

    what do you say to that? you say yes. i say yes!

    Rincewind has to protect sean astin

    and not run away

    "if i were you id sue my face for slander"

    sees barfight, tries to run

    trunk wont let him escape

    tourist is taking pictures and loving the fight

    picture imp inside the camera

    fun monochrome pictures of their adventures

    Death played by christopher lee

    tourist tells rw about insurance

    its like a bet

    inn blows up

    its funny how unheroic these two are

    terrible horse riding effect

    purple chained book octovo

    the spells in it are buggin

    it missed RW

    so now chancellor needs to get him back so it will settle down the book

    Horace is chancos homey

    tim curry mr tryman wacked narrowbolt

    room at the top how to succeed at wizardy

    he goes to open it and it has scary knives

    is harace the head librarian?

    trymon wants to take over as chancellor so he needs to ice Spoghold Grog

    rw cant find 2f

    pit of ultimate despair

    dread tower of darkness

    hospitable temple of belshab theroth

    the wyrmburg and the palace of the dragon lord

    hubward and rimward

    rw is about to be eaten by wolves

    poison snake on the branch!

    purple light again

    box scares off wolves and grabs him

    dragons dont exist anymore

    wicked gear door

    trymon wants in

    they really get their moneys worth with that fake bookcase

    missing spell

    spold doesnt know where it is

    trymon peeps on spold, then slaps goo in his lock

    timelapse clouds

    music is pretty damn annoying

    birds are cheesy as heck

    have there been any women in this yet?

    he sees a floating mountain - is it wyrmberg?

    rincewind is on the luggage

    invisible dragon grabs 2flower

    more bad horse action

    homeboy hits branch and falls down

    a magic sword tells RW to pull it out of the stone

    "could be worse. this could have been an anvil."

    what?

    horace and chanco come to see sklop

    they see the keyhole was covered

    sklop is dead

    rw beats dragon lady using magic sword and says lets go to wyrmberg

    dragon is see through

    dragon looks video gamey but cool

    music is pretty generic fantasy

    our first lady

    the set looks great, like stone carved to look like dragon sces

    rw has hog boots now

    trymon seems to have killed glorp, chats with chanco outside his office

    AC shouts - did Trymon kill the AC?

    tourist is in jail, so stoked to have seen dragons

    tourist is a dragon lord? for some reason it likes him

    dragon melts the bars - long silly effect

    arch chancellors hat is on the ground...

    but AC is still alive

    he set a big axe spring trap

    RW is upside down with his sword

    chica is bangin, turns out her sword has a personality too

    rw and her magic swords battle

    "ive seen sharper butter knives"

    his boots break and now hes hanging off her

    he drops and 2f and dragon catches him

    "its not the actual falling, its more the hitting that bothers me"

    he dropped the sword

    at the edge of the world, The Krullians are still hoping to learn the sex of the turtle

    they have a cool ramp and a purple guy asking about chelonauts

    12 hours until the launch

    RE and 2flower are drifting close to the edge of discworld

    "we're going to run out of world! well i definitely want to see that!"

    RW wind might die, the octavo is not happy about it

    horace comes to see arch chancellor weatherwax, trymon blocks him

    chanco is sleeping, an anvil trap over his head

    horace smells burning

    chanco wakes up confused and worried

    anvil drops

    horace says that after rw touched the octavo, he never won any exams

    such an obvious outcrop

    2flower resuscitates RW

    rw doesnt like hugs

    2f convinces him to see the bright side and shakes hands

    RW tells him about the octavo and the spell

    "settled in my memory like a toad in a stone"

    trymon and horace look at the octavo

    Trymon learns that no one knows what the spell does

    they marvel at the edge of the world

    theres a circumfence

    then a boat arrives

    they crank it

    and find a city at the edge of the world

    "do you see the eighth color? thats the color of magic"

    rw points out a new star

    a boat rolls up

    they get in

    luggage is coming

    trymon sees arch chancellor making a big arrow

    ac has magic mirror and is gonna shoot Rincewind. he says the spell will come back on the ionized path and enter chanco

    he and trymon banter about the eight spells

    trymon has dagger

    horace runs in

    "its The octavo. iti going really ape"

    the spells are restless

    horace opens door to octavo

    did chanco go in?

    welcome to Krull

    my name is Marchesa

    black woman with spear plans to sacrifice them

    somehow RW beats everyone up and the two get away

    big chest is going into ocean to reach them

    trapped on an island

    Tourist pulls a thing and theyre in the ball room

    looks like star systems

    rincewind isnt as stoked

    they beat up two dudes and wear the space costumes

    cut to the arena: crowd is stoked

    vehicle is ready

    purple coat guy gives a speech

    "highly skilled chelonauts"

    the two are suited up

    "i just think i need to boldly go"

    "heroes not just of Krull but the galaxy" pc guy

    oh no theyre going up to the ship

    octavo is screechin

    wizards are in front of it

    silly purple effect shoots up to the ceiling

    its going up out of the university into the sky

    theres a chimp wizard - head librarian Horace

    the guys arrive at the ship, the goons are pursuing them

    2f is opening it

    rincewind is not into it

    but the enemy chelonauts are coming

    2f gets stuck in hatch

    countdown is going

    the wizards see the Octavo looking like

    discworld blowing up with mist - a warning?

    "to the tower of art!"

    wizards climbing stairs 8888 of them

    it didnt blow up but it made a big mist

    a countdown while 2f is tryingg to get inside hatch and the ship is about to go

    a new star

    "the whole damn sky is full of worlds"

    ac says the only way to know whats happening is to perform the rite of ashkente

    mist is a change spell created by the octavo

    “the whole world is changing...for the better, I think."

    arrow went through ACs hat

    Trymon dumped him off the edge

    we see whole discworld

    ship is spinning so they can see the edge

    tourist says the new star is so pretty, he should name it

    trymon is now the arch chancellor

    oops they went under the whole thing

    they seem to be moving near the new star

    "ill give it a name: goodbye, world"

    theyre on a collision course!

  • Ben Mooney of Back to the Futurama fame joins us to discuss Jeff's favorite film, The Wizard of Oz. We get deep into the weeds on this one, from class struggle to female scientists to the drawbacks of John Carpenter films. Toby Keith gets a shoutout and Glinda gets a critical reappraisal.

    Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam!

    https://discord.gg/vtJnpkhd

    Lindsey's podcasts The Kurt Locker Cool Breeze over the Mountains Historical Hotties Jeff's podcasts Shattered Worlds RPG Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ? Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)

    Ben’s podcasts

    Back to the Futurama Good Morning, Greendale Ring My Bell



    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024 Here’s James website for all his activities: jameslark.co.uk Recommendations

    The Vanishing (Dutch Version) Alan Wake 2 Station Eternity by Mur Lafferty

    Social Media Lindsey Nelsen

    Instagram - LindseyCameronNelsen Tiktok - Noctisfilia (Darkness's Daughter)

    Jeff Richardson

    @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon Shattered Worlds RPG Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ? Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)



    Ben Mooney

    Bluesky: ben.vampirefriday.org

    Mastadon: [email protected]

    Links

    Return to Oz Supernatural "Skin" 1-6 The Thing Doctor Who The Hobbit Alice in Wonderland Avatar Citizen Kane William Randolph Hearst Rupert Murdoch Gone With the Wind Mr Rogers Rocky Horror Picture Show Legend Clue Muppet Treasure Island Labyrinth David Bowie The White Rose Society Jurassic Park Alien Gandhi Charlie and the Chocolate Factory The Princess Bride The Ring Twin Peaks: The Return Murder She Wrote Hannibal What We Do in the Shadows Dracula Speak No Evil James McAvoy



    Extended Notes

    BRING BACK THE INTERMISSION

    A Movie-Ass Movie

    movies stayed in theaters sometimes for years

    live show during a movie

    make every movie a rocky horror picture show

    theyre not all winners

    LIPSKIN

    Oh we've had a beef for some time

    some loudass birds

    what is this statue for?

    you can't blame a tornado on a dog

    I'm not saying Toto is on a weight loss journey

    Make every effect you can a practical effect

    abandoned Oz theme park

    youre gonna need another boat

    she could be a chaotic good witch

    a good post-murder party

    you gotta have snacks

    where's the Orange Brick Road go?

    magic ethereal background singers!

    you don't know the rules!

    owls and vultures look like shit

    far too many monkeys

    the witch is so evil she cackles at US

    a Prime Directive violation par excellence

    Breakdown [Don't Watch It]

    Buying a Costume: the coward's way out

    Lindsey Nelsen: Certified Spooky Person™️

    Ben's Haunted House

    so many nieces and nephews

    Backtothefuturama.com

    Goodmorninggreendale.com

    ringmybell.sexandlasers.com

    love the wind sound during the overture

    victor fleming production/directed as well

    munchkins arent credited?

    dedicated to the Young in Heart

    like when time magazines person of the year was You

    chicks chirping!

    aunt em

    is she playing younger than 16?

    wavin that dang hammer at her

    lovin the walk on the stall in a nice dress thing

    shes gonna get ate by the pigs!

    Zekes the cowardly lion!

    Aunt Em cant put up with lollygaggers

    well dont start posing for it now!

    its no place for dorothy qround a pig sty

    now go feed those hogs before they worry themselves into anemia!

    some place where there isnt any trouble

    we must discuss the classic anti Jewish stereotype witch/ Miss Gulch (not in the book?)

    (Uncle Henry has a long beard in the book and both he and Em are gray and dour, no laughter)

    toto whimpering! never heard it before

    Elmyra Gulch

    for 23 years ive been dying to tell you what i thought of you and now, well, being a christian woman i cant say it

    Totos a sneaker

    you came back!

    good reason to run away

    does this mean that Toto's to blame for this entire mess?

    or Dorothy for letting him in the garden?

    this part is kind of dull visually but the banter is good

    no one would ever leave their tray of food down near where a loose dog could get it. sheer madness

    i like how the branches are moving out the door

    winds pickin up!!

    a whopper! to speak in the language of the peasantry!

    that model looks amazing

    the twister always scares the shit out of me

    you can tell Judy Garland is a stage actor dancer type and not a farmgirl, yankin on the cellar door limply

    (in the book the cellar door is inside the house)

    i just yelled get away from the window! even though ive seen this fifteen times

    cart

    tree

    chickens

    knitting lady shes dead

    cow dead

    two guys rowing dead

    Miss Gulch!

    oh shit shes a witc

    this song is so scary

    i forget how scary the music is when watching it with an album

    oh! cute utterance amid total silence

    toto in full color is even cuter

    Munchkin village really could be a theme park area

    (in book Munchkins are Dorothy's height, i think they aged Dorothy up for the film)

    Toto, I have a feelling were not in Kansas anymore

    oh this bitch

    Glenda the good witch

    (from the book - pic at bottom of notes)

    (in book a Munchkin suggests she go to the wizard. doesnt explain why she cant go but plants a protective kiss on her)

    i need you to wage war on this other witch

    ONLY BAD WITCHES ARE UGLY

    shes gone where the goblins go

    its funny how they try

    to make the kids look older with wildass makeup

    Glinda is on valium for sure smiling through the death chat

    dude is swinging his sword around in the middle of this melee

    ok what

    these people are tiny yet their doors still dont fit them

    lullaby league has super squeaky song

    wicked witch of the east seems so goofy

    where are the slippers?

    Glinda is such a shit stirrer

    the witchs exit is so dramatic

    what a smell of sulfur

    she doesnt seem all that surprised to find out Oz also has trouble

    Glinda you vile shit stirrer - dont take off those slippers!

    Glinda's slippers must rule if she doesnt even try to take the ruby ones

    it seems like the edits last long as Toto stays on task - i wonder how many takes he ruined

    bet Garland was having to feed him treats anytime the camera came on

    (theres a ton of eating in the books but not in the film)

    why scary music for Scarecrow?

    brown nose?

    (in the book everyone in the East wears blue, even the scarecrow)

    i could while away the hours

    pickin wild flowers

    individal!

    shes really good at gassing up her homeys

    how do you follow the ybr if it splits four ways?

    uh oh witch be right here? wild. why doesnt she just kill her right here?

    why its a man!

    oil can!

    rusting rain!

    did this paint give him cancer?

    who sang that lady part? fucking weird

    WHEREFORE ART THOU ROMEO? wtf

    i cant remember a time this has ever happened in cinema - possibly a Mel Brooks?

    can he throw his voice? i need to know the extent of the tin mans powers

    toto loves him

    the toot toot spooked Toto

    what are D and SC whisperin about?

    oh takin him with them to the wizard

    witch cacklin on the roof?

    wanna play ball?!!! this woman just tried to ignite poor SC

    oh yeah its lion time

    lions and tigers and bears oh my

    whats wrong with you teachin em?

    Dorothy just slapped him on the face!

    (in the book Lion asks what Toto is made of and Dorothy says hes a meat dog!)

    afraid of sheep!

    without the vim and voive!

    if the wizard is a wizard who will serve

    (id love it if the lion was a literal lion like in the book, though who will ever redo the Wizard of Oz?)

    gorgeous matte painting at the end of wizard of oz song - i want it as a mural

    witchypoo is doing something dastardly

    (in the book the witch doesnt make the poppies appear!)

    poppies will put them to sleep!

    get high people

    sc and tm dont breathe so theyre fine

    (itb they leave Lion in the field! theres this whole section where the queen of mice and her subjects help rescue Lion)

    (itb Lion talks like a dnd paladin)

    i have this strange memory of wearing a Lion costume and playing TCL, but surely not cuz i dont remember anything else about it

    snow neutralizes poppy poison?

    but then rusts poor TM

    "somebody always helps that girl"

    well bust my buttons!

    lookat these green motherfuckers

    velvet tophat!

    oh no its the king of the forest song

    yeah i dont like this guys shtick

    tm just broke a pot to do a bit? chaos

    why the huh at the end?

    dont cry dorothy!

    door guy had an Aunt Em once? bizarre

    the green cathedral hall is real spooky

    Toto!

    boveen fodder

    damn wiz really is ordering them to their deaths

    lion leaps through a window with no apparent injury

    wrench net gas and gun

    those owls are the worst thing in the movie

    wait maybe the vultures are worse

    that flying monkey should use the slippers, take control homey

    too many monkeys

    Toto!

    i bet those monkeys stink

    so many spears missed Toto!

    holy shit she's

    so evil she cackles AT US!

    Toto goes to get the guys!

    climbing with lions tail!

    its slow goin

    witchy is into brutalist architecture

    olia jo um

    owium

    jo um

    hooknosed green mongols with naginatas

    they all managed

    to get their asses kicked

    oz is parked right next to the front door? what a doofus

    a heart is not judged by how much you love

    but by how you are loved by others

    You are looking at a man who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom, and chuckled at catastrophe. I was

    petrified

    so the message is stay at home?

    surely she just means for two years until graduation, yeah?

    now i know ive got a heart, cuz its breaking

    say goodbye toto

    theres no place like home

    she'll have to give up Toto anyway, unless Gulch ate it in the storm

  • In this episode, Lindsey and Jeff break down two exception X-Files episodes, “Beyond the Sea” and “Humbug”, from season one and season two, respectively. Lon Suder and the Enigma feature prominently, and the Man From Another Place even makes an appearance!

    Next time: The Wizard of Oz!

    Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam!

    https://discord.gg/vtJnpkhd

    Lindsey's podcasts

    The Kurt Locker

    Cool Breeze over the Mountains

    Historical Hotties

    Jeff's podcasts

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

    Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)

    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024

    Here’s James website for all his activities:

    jameslark.co.uk

    Recommendations

    Sixteenth Minute (of Fame) with Jamie Loftus

    Dickenson on Apple TV+

    The Maid and the Crodocile by Jordan Ifueko

    Social Media

    Lindsey Nelsen

    Instagram - LindseyCameronNelsen

    Tiktok - Noctisfilia (Darkness's Daughter)

    Jeff Richardson

    @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

    Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)

    Links

    Bobby Darin

    Billie Holiday

    Mariah Carey

    Christina Aguilera

    Lola Montez

    "Whatever Lola Wants She Gets"

    Star Trek: Voyager "Meld"

    Brad Dourif

    "War of the Cephalopods"

    COPS chasin a werewolf episode

    Rashomon vampires episode

    Shaft

    tasseographer

    The Man From Another Place

    Twin Peaks

    Carnivàle

    Star Trek: The Next Generation

    Meow Wolf Arts Collective

    Henry David Thoreau

    Ben Mooney

    Any Album You Like

    The Dress

    Extended Notes

    Beyond the Sea

    season 1 ep 13

    its christmas!

    her dad likes to tease her

    is she religious?

    she rebels by punishing herself with pine needles lol

    mom doesnt know why he wants to leave early?

    or does she know something?

    ohhh she wants dad to admit hes proud of Dana

    motherfuckers will pay anything to look like they have hair

    whats dad saying?

    we lost your dad :(

    hes a ghost!

    our first look at the credits

    groovy song

    seems more like the credits of an unexplained mysteries

    inappropriate, Dana

    shes shocked to be called Dana by Mulder

    Luther Lee Boggs - Brad Dourif

    Boggs is a family annihilator

    what do we know about FAs

    LLB wants to meet Mulder

    Dana works to deal with pain

    Mulder is sweet with Dana

    he wanted to be spread in the sea and not buried at Arlington

    french beyond the sea

    "he was your father"

    what does that mean?!

    what four letter words would you put on your fists?

    LLB channeling, he really goes for it

    have you ever seen someone channel for real?

    Ramtha in Yelm

    can convicts have earrings?

    "i gotta go, i gotta go"

    he sings the tune! but not in French? is that just for us or does it mean anything

    this music is so creepy

    haunting horns, feathery strings

    Mulder is mad!

    "I thought that youd be pleased that id opened myself up to extreme possibilities"

    "I love this job" "You love your father"

    spooky circle pan

    so wet

    dont go near the white cross

    your blood spills on the white cross

    oh dang Mulder got it in the leg

    Danas trippin

    was Lucas Henry Boggs's partner?

    wow Scully says some angry nonsense

    Dana sees Mulder? its always odd when cops are hallucinating yet stay at work

    whoa now hes channeling Scully at 14!

    "theres plenty o room in that cold dark place for liars, Scully"

    is it proof that he hasnt reformed not giving up the boys

    location? or is saving your own life enough to justify letting someone dies?

    great prison model!

    Cops lie! Bearing false witness is a commandment and your good catholic girl Scully crossed that one right off the list

    its our ACAB moment of the day

    circles, barrels, huge vats

    condemned factory

    old blue devil brewery

    "dont follow Henry to the devil, leave that to me"

    wow Scully just rolls into view, shes feelin reckless

    lol she sent a goon on ahead

    love that rat squeakage

    oops Boggs got him

    she didnt really need that warning considering it was all the way across the room

    "I believe that if you had orchestrated this kidnapping, Lucas Henry would have been aware of the danger you warned me about"

    hes got some wild eyebrows

    i trim mine, did men not do that in the 90s?

    ugh the death penalty sucks...im reminded of The Player and also Dead Man Walking

    Mulder is like now you dont believe? weird

    "I'm afraid. I'm afraid to believe."

    "He was my father."

    Mulders soft touch on her arm - what a chap



    Humbug

    season 2 ep 20

    weird reddish face of guy in the woods

    hand all funky

    kids playing in pool

    green eyes

    something in the water

    weird red gloopy mouth?

    goes in water, scares gatorman

    kills gatorman

    48 attacks!!

    same weird weapon

    sounds like a hungry monster,

    like flukeman

    Scully is stunned by the idea of being ugly

    the freak funeral is great

    suspects!

    "they rod and thy staff"

    pastor has no arms so uses his feet

    bearded lady is gatormans wife

    subway ghost from Ghost!

    Vincent Schiavelli

    "i cant wait for the wake"

    Jerry was an escape artist

    Hepcat Helm, artist that drew fishman

    Hepcat seems spooky

    "Who are the rubes?"

    "Its a tabernacle of terror." "Its a fun house"

    Dead monkey sewn onto the tail of a fish

    a genuine fake

    "you never where the truth ends and the humbug begins"

    is the Fiji Mermaid real?

    "Do you recall what Barnum said about suckers?"

    lil man works behind the bar - is this the Man From Another Place?

    he reads Mulder!

    "your unimaginative necktie design"

    Larry loved the freak life

    he would show off his dead conjoinedbrother Leonard

    Mr Nutt, the kindhearted manager

    now he carries the luggage

    he says the bedbug thing lol

    "dont let the Fiji Mermaid bite"

    oof this song is terrible

    "im in a frenzy, bwaaaaah"

    Mermaid wastes the prop guy

    its Xenomorphin Time

    Mulder sees someone swimmin

    he has a fish!

    its the Enigma! the conundrum

    he runs off

    Scullys sleepin

    folks are trampolinin

    Larrys back

    shows bro, peeps Scullys boob

    new murder

    Mulder TOUCHED THE BLOOD ON THE WINDOW

    "theyd have to be a contortionist, or just plain crazy, or both"

    escape guy not going very fast

    under three minutes?

    "Dr Blockhead does not perform tricks!"

    he claims to be from Yemen?

    theres blood on the nail!

    Tieu Bu Shan

    "did you know you can train your testacles to draw up into your abdomen?"

    "oh Im doing that as we speak?”

    the music sort of clangs off the goofs

    conundrum eats all manner of stuff

    Scully ate a live bug

    Mulder wasnt into it

    she was doing magic!

    "everybodys uncles an amateur magician"

    checkin out the freak museum

    Chang and Eng

    museum docent has a melty half face

    this guy has real Garak vibes

    hes in five xfiles eps

    canadian actor

    last role was in 2019 twilight zone, "The Blue Scorpion"

    the exotic life of the Dog-faced boy

    good mirror stuff with melty guy

    charging a cop to investigate is shady

    is he locking her in here?!

    treasure chest

    its empty

    door to rear exit opens?

    Mulder at trailer, snooping around

    find guy under trailer

    did Mulder just pretend to make a pass at him?

    an orphan discovered in the wild forest of Albania in 1943

    Sheriff Hamilton was dog faced boy

    why did melty guy lead them to Sheriff?

    Sheriff be diggin

    doin somethin with a knife

    is this a setup? does he know theyre watching? show got me thinkin paranoid thoughts

    spooky bushes again

    hyperthrosis does not include lycanthropy

    theyre just calmly admitting to spying on Sheriff without a warrant

    Conundrums in a loincloth chasin a dog

    Trailer Manager is totes chill, takes a rent check from Conundrum in advance

    oh snap creature

    is trying to yank dude

    out

    little lady face mermaid screams at dude covered in blood

    Larry rolls in, says "Hes dead"

    Larry loved lil man

    weird spike thing with blood

    Sheriff settles Larry down

    "If people knew the true price of spirituality thered be more atheists"

    blockhead is a bit of a goofster

    he does some escape artist shenanigans

    knocks down Mulder

    Sheriff catches Blockhead

    someones stalking Lanny

    uh oh somethings arrived, Larry is trippin

    does he know what it is?

    "I dont know why he hates me so. Ive taken care of him all our lives. perhaps that was the problem."

    he thinks you cam be born bad

    "how mobile could such a thing be?" "too mobile"

    "What an act!" too bad hes a murderer, Blockhead

    Mulder's somewhere spooky

    reminds me of basement in dresden files Mavra's vampire lair

    is this the tabernacle of terror?

    yep

    goblin laughing on string

    critter still lurkin

    Hall of Mirrors!

    gross creature noise

    she's just shooting at the creature? i know its killed but thats pretty rude

    they go outside - did she injure it? dog is coming too

    heres Conundrum

    critter attacks!

    did Conundrum eat him! Wtf

    "Now you know howI feel"

    Lanny died!

    he was a mega drunk

    "Nature abhors normality. Maybe some mysteries were never meant to be solved"

    "probably somethin I ate"

    That was it?

    weird

  • In this episode, Lindsey and Jeff discuss the X-Files pilot episode. Also, if you're looking for a composer look no further than friend of the show James Lark! Find his website at Jameslark.co.uk - you'll be glad you did!

    Next time: "Beyond the Sea" (season 1, episode 13) and "Humbug" (season 2, Episode 20)\

    Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam!

    https://discord.gg/vtJnpkhd

    Lindsey's podcasts The Kurt Locker Cool Breeze over the Mountains Historical Hotties Jeff's podcasts Shattered Worlds RPG Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ? Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show) James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024 Here’s James website for all his activities: jameslark.co.uk Recommendations None this week! Check the Links section for ideas!

    Social Media Lindsey Nelsen Instagram - LindseyCameronNelsen Tiktok - Noctisfilia (Darkness's Daughter) Jeff Richardson @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon Shattered Worlds RPG Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ? Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)


    Links

    LA Law

    Perry Mason

    Buffy the Vampire Slayer

    Hannibal

    Sex Education

    The Fall

    Millenium

    The Lone Gunmen

    Kumail Nanjiani's The X-Files Files

    Geocities

    Angelfire

    Oregon pronunciation

    Schitt's Creek

    Beetlejuice

    X-Files "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose"

    Fringe

    Supernatural

    Alien implants!

    Scully can't die

    One True Pairing

    DON'T START WITH HOME

    ironic song choice

    Doctor Who: "Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror"

    Thomas Edison

    Extended Notes

    "the following story is inspired by actual documented accounts"

    Collum national forest

    lady running in the woods

    red hair and white ish night dress

    weirdo creep surrounded by wind spiral

    the dude zaps into white light

    leaves behind ladys body

    two red bumps

    Karen Swenson, dead woman

    class of 89

    2:11 "its happening again, isnt it?"

    Agent Dana Scully!

    she doesnt get out of a mans way and its boss

    mean roger ebert is her boss

    smoking creepo is there

    Agent Fox Mulder

    oxford educated psychologist, profiled Monty Propps in 1998

    nickname of Spooky

    she got a bit huffy about being assigned to debunk the x-files

    Mulder's office is a trip

    for a messy office is isnt that messy

    he thought she was sent to spy

    shes a medical doctor, teaches at the academy, undergrad in physics

    Einsteins Twin Paradox

    he says Oregon wrong

    two distinct marks

    can Dr Scully ID the marks?

    synthetic protein seen in her death and two others, SD and TX

    she doesnt think there are aliens

    also she doesnt think this woman was

    8:10 "Thats why they put the I in FBI"

    theyre flying

    they hit some heavy turbulence and Mulder is straight chillin

    FBI got involved, didnt find anything, then shelved the case

    they go through a weird zone where radio frizzes out, card ies

    Mulder gets some spray paint and marks the area

    11:20 "What the hell was that about? Oh you know. Probably nothing."

    they meet the locals at the graveyard

    Greatest American Hero drives up, his daughter doesnt want him to do this, he confronts Mulder

    Dr Jay Nemmon

    hes defensive and thinks Mulder is accusing him. daughter begs to leave

    13:22 "Guy obviously needed a longer vacation."

    Ray Soames, 3rd victim

    accused of the murder

    died of exposure

    13:50 "How does a 20 year old die of exposure on a warm summer night in Oregon, Doctor Scully?"

    strap breaks, body rolls, and Mulder opens it up. theres a chimp corpse inside

    14:25 "Its probably a safe bet Ray Soames never made the Varsity basketball team"

    Autopsy of the chimp

    Mulder takes photos

    15:30 "If its not alien, what is it?"

    Scully doesnt want to do more tests

    Mulder orders it

    Scully thinks it might be an orangutan but after her exam she isnt sure

    16:25 "Who is it? Stephen Spielberg."

    shes just in a big shirt!

    Mulder asks her to walk with him

    she says no

    he wants to know about implant

    she claims not to care, then we see her studying x ray

    they go to mental hospital

    meet the boss

    Billy Myles is in a waking coma

    Peggy and he were in an accident

    Mulder is really sweet to her

    Mulder says some shit to engineer her freaking out so he can look for her two bumps

    Scully is disgusted

    she wants to know why he expected to see the bumps

    alien abduction?!

    she is not into this

    she thinks its something non alien

    Scully: "how did she get there? wht were those kids doing in the forest?"

    theyre in the woods that night

    looking for clues

    she finds a circle of weird ash

    then hears a strange noise

    she investigates

    finds a white light behind a ridge

    some dude walks up

    22:17 Scully says she's FBI

    shotgun man tells them to split

    they dont like it

    how did she get all the way back to the car without realizing?

    weird for the guy to be out there

    Scully shows Mulder the ash

    what if theyre in a cult?

    Mulder drives, sees compass being weird

    light flashes, car died, they lost 9 minutes

    24:25 "We just lost nine minutes!"

    abductees report unexplained time loss

    25:09 "Time cant disappear. Its a universal invariant!"

    Scully is writing a repory, light goes out

    runs a bath instead

    robe, candle, basic 90s underwear

    she sees something weird

    she goes to Mulder, asks him to look at it

    theyre just mosquito bites

    she is so relieved she hugs him

    she stays with him

    he tells her how his sister disappeared out of the room

    no one would talk about it

    he explains how he found the X-Files

    [San Francisco kid counseling service rule requiring truth about the event that damaged them]

    28:44 "There's classified government information I've been trying to access, but someone has been blocking my attempts to get at it."

    he says shes a part of it

    she says she just wants to solve this

    he says she needs to know

    he explains doing hypnosis with a doctor Heitz Werber

    someone calls and says Peggy O'Dell is dead

    she ran in front of a truck

    but she was in a wheelchair before

    her watch stopped at 9 something

    they get to the motel and its on fire

    all their evidence destroyed

    teresa nemmon comes up "You've got to protect me"

    her dad is the medical examiner

    he told her not to tell anyone about it

    he claims he can protect her

    she has the marks

    she has a bloody nose!

    dad comes in and is real pushy

    shotgun guy is Billy Myles's father

    Scully says they know who did the murders

    Mulder doesnt get why they destroyed evidence

    whats up with the other two graves?

    theyre both freshly emptied

    Mulder thinks he knows who killed everyone

    Billy Myles?

    she says vegetable *yeesh

    He says Billy moved

    something took control of Billy during those nine minutes

    you think im crazy dont you

    she tells him about the watch

    they say this stuff

    summoned by some alien impulse

    she laughs

    he does too

    they split

    Scully sees that Billy's feet are muddy

    she gets a sample from his feet

    same stuff from the forest

    they decide to go back to the forest for a sample

    Detective Myles is parked there

    they hear a scream

    theyre running through the trees

    Scully gets brained by Myles

    Mulder runs after scream

    Myles cocks his weapon at him

    Mulder tells him he knows its Billy

    Billy is being tornadoed with someone

    Dad starts to shoot

    Mulder tackles him

    Billy has the marks

    light swirls

    Scully sees light

    when it goes away, Billy is there and whoever he was holding is alive

    bumps are gone

    Mulder runs, finds Scully

    it was incredible

    Billy is being interviewed about the light

    Mulder is watching

    he talks about the testing place?

    talks about getting the implant

    theyd give him orders

    Scully is behind the glass

    test didnt work

    im afraid theyre coming back

    smoking man whispers and mean Roger Ebert leaves with him

    Ebert tells her its wack

    no evidence

    she shows him the implant

    44:30 "the material could not be identified"

    She leaves office and smoking man goes in

    she cant sleep

    nice blinds shadow on her face

    Mulder calls

    no casefile, paperwork is gone

    Smoking man stashes implant in a case thay seems especially made for them

    super long and tall aisle

    he comes put and locks the door

    its in the pentagon

    music seems unorthodox

    ambient plonk plonk with whiny grinding

    opening theme was like that as well

    did they not write a full theme because it was the pilot?

    i jumped ahead and yes thats what happened

  • Beverly Crusher challenges the universe

    We wrap up the final chapter and then talk about the entire book. Then we look at One Star Goodreads reviews!

    Next time on: X-Files! Watch the pilot and join us with your ears!

    Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam!

    https://discord.gg/vtJnpkhd

    Below you'll find our plugs, links, recommendations, and links to stuff from this week's episode! Lindsey's podcasts The Kurt Locker Cool Breeze over the Mountains Historical Hotties Jeff's podcasts Shattered Worlds RPG Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ? Omniversal Escapades

    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024 Here’s James website for all his activities:

    https://www.jameslark.co.uk/

    Recommendations Dropout TV Game Changer Make Some Noise Bookburners (podcast) Oh Boy! A Time Travel Podcast James Lark (composer, podcaster) The Bartimaeus Trilogy Social Media Lindsey Nelsen Instagram - LindseyCameronNelsen Tiktok - Noctisfilia (Darkness's Daughter) Jeff Richardson @eljefetacoma on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon

    Links

    Buffy the Vampire Slayer

    The Good Place

    Chronicles of Narnia

    Bond villains

    Nero

    Caligula

    American Psycho

    A Song of Ice and Fire

    Game of Thrones

    IQ tests in the 60s

    Robinson Crusoe

    Trance possession

    hypnagogic state

    The Elevator Game

    Silent Hill

    Tanis (podcast)

    Circe by Madeline Miller

    Star Trek: The Next Generation “Remember Me”

    Castaway

    Doctor Who

    What Remains of Edith Finch?

    Myst

    Amnesia: Dark Descent

    Laika

    The Starless Sea

    Midnight Library

    Jose Luis Borges

    Why Weeps the Brogan?

    Magician’s Nephew

    Anathem

    Snowcrash

    Neuromancer

    Frankenstein

    My Adorable Apotheosis

    Alice in Wonderland

    The Secret Garden

    The End of Mr. Y

    The Matrix

    Naive.Super

    Gormenghast

    Calvino

    Ten Thousand Doors of January

    Crossings

    The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle

    That Hideous Strength

    Paralandra

    House of Leaves

    The Raw Shark Texts

    Maze Runner

    The Hunger Games

    Divergent

    Endgame by Samuel Beckett

    Dark academia

    Chiwetel Edjiofor



    Extended Notes



    Part 7: Matthew Rose Sorensen

    Ketterley missing

    cops trying to find him

    no one remembers him being a boat guy

    Officer Askill thinks its related to the reappearance of Matthew Rose Sorenson

    Askill thinks he held Sorenson to manufacture evidence of the other world

    he killed himself out of shame or because they were onto him

    "Undeterred, Askill has questioned me twice. He is a young man with a pleasant, good-natured face, little brown curls all over his head and an intelligent expression. He wears a dark blue suit and a grey shirt and speaks with a Yorkshire accent"

    "And where were you?’ he asks. ‘While you were gone?’

    ‘I was in a house with many rooms. The sea sweeps through the house. Sometimes it swept over me, but always I was saved.’

    Askill pauses and frowns."

    Askill asks if he's getting treatment

    he is seeing a therapist

    but no meds

    Askill wonders if Ketterley kept him anywhere, he says no, he was free to travel

    P feels bad that he cant tell Askill more

    Askill says Raphael is amazing. P agrees

    Askill tells the story of Pinny Wheeler

    "She sat down with Pinny Wheeller and she got him to stop throwing flaming newspaper everywhere and she got him to come down. Pretty brave, don’t you think?’

    ‘Braver than you think. She doesn’t like heights.’"

    Piranesi meets his family, theyre all very happy to see him

    they hold on to the idea that the house is a metaphor

    "This love of clothes was something he shared with Piranesi. Piranesi frequently wrote about Dr Ketterley’s clothes in his journal and lamented the contrast with his own ragged garments"

    Ps new personality doesnt care much about clothes

    "Piranesi cannot bear to have so many possessions. I do not need this! is his constant refrain"

    P uses the journals to help him learn who MRS was

    "Piranesi has a strong dislike of money. Piranesi wants to say: But I need the thing you have, so why don’t you just give it to me? And then when I have something you need, I will just give it to you. This would be a simpler system and much better!"

    he decides to write a book about Arne-Sayles

    Raphael teaches him how to find the path to the labyrinth

    he goes to Manchester, finds James Ritter, and offers to take him back to the house.

    Ritter wants to stay but P wont let him. he doesnt know how to care for himself

    he finds Ketterleys body and lys it at the feet of a man surrounded by snakes. here it will be picked clean by birds, then he'll move it next to the Biscuit-Box Man

    he continues to look to statues for guidance and strength. He thinks of one in particular

    "It is the statue of a man kneeling on his plinth; a sword lies at his side, its blade broken in five pieces. Roundabout lie other broken pieces, the remains of a sphere. The man has used his sword to shatter the sphere because he wanted to understand it, but now he finds that he has destroyed both sphere and sword. This puzzles him, but at the same time part of him refuses to accept that the sphere is broken and worthless. He has picked up some of the fragments and stares at them intently in the hope that they will eventually bring him new knowledge."

    then he think of LAS

    "This statue represents a heretical pope seated on a throne. He is fat and bloated. He lolls on his throne, a shapeless mass. The throne is magnificent, but the sheer bulk of the figure threatens to split it in two. He knows that he is repulsive, but you can see by his face that the idea pleases him. He revels in the thought that he is somehow shocking. In his face there is mingled laughter and triumph. Look at me, he seems to say. Look at me!"

    he thinks of one for Raphael

    "In my mind Raphael is better represented by a statue in an antechamber that lies between the forty-fifth and the sixty-second northern halls. This statue shows a figure walking forward, holding a lantern. It is hard to determine with any certainty the gender of the figure; it is androgynous in appearance. From the way she (or he) holds up the lantern and peers at whatever is ahead, one gets the sense of a huge darkness surrounding her; above all I get the sense that she is alone, perhaps by choice or perhaps because no one else was courageous enough to follow her into the darkness."

    he loves Raphael more than anyone

    the two of them return to the house often, sometimes together, sometimes apart

    "Don’t disappear,’ I tell her sternly. ‘Do not disappear.’

    She makes a rueful, amused face. ‘I won’t,’ she says.

    ‘We can’t keep rescuing each other,’ I say. ‘It’s ridiculous.’

    She smiles. It is a smile with a little sadness in it.

    But she still wears the perfume – the first thing I ever knew of her – and it still makes me think of Sunlight and Happiness."

    when he's stressed he thinks about the house, remembering the exact shape and turns

    he dreams of the gorilla statue leaving its plinth and coming toward him. P hugs him and says how happy he is to be home

    "It began to snow. The low clouds made a grey ceiling for the city; the snow muffled the noise of the cars until it became almost rhythmical; a steady, shushing noise, like the sound of tides beating endlessly on marble walls."

    he walks the park until he sees an old man. He recognizes him!

    "He is shown as a king with a little model of a walled city in one hand while the other hand he raises in blessing. I wanted to seize hold of him and say to him: In another world you are a king, noble and good! I have seen it!"

    last he sees a hotel

    "Paper lanterns were hanging from the wires, spheres of vivid orange that blew and trembled in the snow and the thin wind; the sea-grey clouds raced across the sky and the orange lanterns shivered against them.

    The Beauty of the House is immeasurable; its Kindness infinite."

    thats it!

  • Thanks for listening to The Great and Secret Knowledge: A Speculative Fiction Podcast! In this episode, Lindsey and Jeff cover Part 5: Ketterley and Part 6: Wave.

    Below you'll find our plugs, links, recommendations, and links to stuff from this week's episode!

    Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam!

    https://discord.gg/vtJnpkhd

    Fancast as Raphael

    Rashida Jones in Silo

    Roxann Dawson in Voyager

    Fancast as Ketterley

    Roger Delgado in Doctor Who

    Mads Mikkelsen

    Fancast as Arne-Sayles

    Chris Hemsworth in Bad Times at the El Royale

    Jesus Christ Superstar guy

    Anthony Hopkins

    Mads Mikkelson

    Links

    Hector Berlioz

    petrichor

    Erica Knapp on Everything is Awesome

    Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck

    Harriet the Spy

    Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain

    The Natural Way to Draw

    The Artist's Way

    Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell

    Alistair Crowley

    Be Gay, Do Crime

    Doctor Who "The Talons of Weng-Chiang"

    Minotaur and the labyrinth

    Shattered Worlds RPG

    Abigail Adams's journals

    Dark Matter

    Law and Order: SVU

    Dick Wolf

    X-Files

    Fringe

    Maurizio Cattelan

    Making a Murderer

    Recommendations

    Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle

    Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

    Never watch Knock Knock

    Plugs

    Lindsey's podcasts The Kurt Locker Cool Breeze over the Mountains Historical Hotties Jeff's podcasts Shattered Worlds RPG Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ? Omniversal Escapades

    James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024 Here’s James website for all his activities:

    https://www.jameslark.co.uk/

    Extended Notes

    Part 5: Ketterley

    are you familiar with Berlioz? Hector Berlioz

    "inside the house there was a smell of rain, clouds and air, a smell of limitless space. A smell of the sea"

    berlioz is "the soundtrack of catastrophe"

    Ketterly stopped academia 15 years earlier "Academia was never very welcoming to me. I had the wrong sort of ideas and the wrong sort of friends.’"

    MRS thinks maybe AS wont talk to him cuz hes ashamed

    "Ketterley gave a short, sharp, humourless laugh. ‘Hardly. Laurence has no shame. He’s just perverse. If someone says white, he’ll say black. If you say you want to see him, then he won’t want to see you. That’s just the way he is.’"

    we learn about MRSs journals - hes a very good record keeper

    we get MRSs opinion of AS

    On not liking the word Conjuring:

    "Of course I object to the fucking word,’ he said irritably. ‘You’re suggesting that Laurence was some sort of stage magician and we were all his wide-eyed dupes. It wasn’t like that at all. He liked you to argue with him. He liked you to put the rationalist point of view.’

    interesting cult where its oky to challenge the leader

    he would destroy you verbally tho which is textbook cult behavior

    Sylvia Dagostino was devoted. AS told her to break ties with parents and she did

    "There was absolutely no advantage to him in cutting her off from her family. It didn’t benefit him in the slightest. He did it because he could. He did it to cause anguish for her and her parents. He did it because he was cruel.’"

    Interesting to see K talk about this, as if he isnt cruel. Is he judging AS? or just speaking facts

    "I don’t like you very much,’ he said.

    I laughed. ‘I can live with that,’ I said"

    why did K think it was a labyrinth?

    K explains - AS claimed not to need a ritual, but the others did

    Also Sylvia could slip in and out

    could K do it? he felt it and once he saw it

    K asks the scariest question in media "Does anyone know youre here?"

    the suspense!

    a twelve minute ritual? not likely

    hes also feeling suspense while writing it!

    MRS just thinks K is lying, not that he's about to murder him

    interesting to get MRS first impressions of the House

    K says some wack stuff

    "Forgive me for not saying anything before now,’ he smiled, ‘but I really am delighted to see you. A young, healthy man is just what I wanted.’"

    this is his supervillain moment - this guy that isnt cruel

    PART 6 - Wave

    P vomits, realizes K is not his friend

    He is my enemy

    "I had forgotten, but the Other remembered. I could see now that he was apprehensive in case one day I remembered. He called me Piranesi so he would not need to use the name Matthew Rose Sorensen. He tested me by speaking words such as ‘Battersea’ to see if they sparked any memories. I had been incorrect when I said that Battersea was nonsense. It was not nonsense."

    multiple revelations

    this is how it hits when you realize your partner is cheating or stealing from you

    how to make sure i dont forget?

    for his own advantage!

    K needs a slave to do his work for him

    he's wishing he hadn't warned K about the flood

    I could kidnap K and tie him up

    killer monologue wink

    "maybe i'll give him water, maybe i will not

    Perhaps I will give him water to drink. Perhaps I will not. Perhaps I will say to him: ‘Soon you will have plenty of Water!’ And on Thursday he will watch the Tides pouring in through the Doors and he will scream and scream. And I will laugh and laugh. I will laugh as long and as loud as he laughed at Matthew Rose Sorensen when he brought him here …This is where I lost Myself."

    P fantasizes about killing K

    he gets food and thinks about what he read

    MRS had this stuff happen to him and he resides within P

    "I placed my hand on my chest. Hush now! I said, Do not be afraid. You are safe. Go back to sleep. I will take care of us both"

    "MRS thought these things. 'As far as I can tell, Matthew Rose Sorensen was in his right mind when he wrote them. Neither he nor I had ever been mad.'"

    the Other is the one trying to drive him mad, not 16

    he considers 16s last message, realizes hes probably Ks only victim

    "why had 16 come?

    Because she was looking for Matthew Rose Sorensen. Because she wanted to rescue him from the slavery of the Other. I saw it clearly now. It is 16 that is my friend and not the Other"

    "16 was patient, resolute and ingenious. 16 was still looking for me"

    he discovers that someone wiped away Ps warning about the flood for 16 as well as her question to P

    P decides that K did it

    he thinks K is intentionally tricking 16 into dying in the flood

    he moves the deads bones

    he stashes his journals high up

    he gathers up all his rain bowls

    in the hall of horned giants he sees a bag full of gear:

    "I took out all the contents. They were as follows:

    • a Gun

    • a quantity of folded material made of a dense, heavy plastic. This was by far the largest object in the bag; it

    filled most of the bag and was coloured blue, black and grey.

    • a small cylindrical container with a secure lid. This contained other small objects the purpose of which was unclear.

    • a thing like a slice of a larger cylinder cut down at an angle, with a yellow hose coming out of it

    • two black plastic rods extendable to a length of approximately 2 metres

    • 4 black paddle-shapes"

    he thinks maybe the house left the bag for him

    he decides its the Others because theres a gun

    day of the flood

    he eats some soup

    he tries to guess where K would send her

    "I remembered the words of the Prophet:

    The closer 16 gets, the more dangerous Ketterley will become.

    My hope was that I could find 16 before she reached the Other"

    he goes back and forth between boat area and the first vestibule

    the Other appears!

    Other is dressed casually and wearing a life jacket

    P flllows him to the boat, still no sign of 16

    tides are beginning to converge

    Other pumps up the boat

    waves start thudding

    he realizes 16 is clever and may be watching

    "I had a mental image of both 16 and Myself hiding in the First Western Hall, both waiting for the other one to appear. I could not afford to remain hidden any longer: I stepped down from the Niche and walked towards the Other"

    the gun is out in the open

    Other is angry

    P starts quoting his journal at the other

    "I visited him in mid-November,’ I said. ‘It was just after four, a cold blue twilight.’"

    other isnt listening, starts giving orders

    K says to bash Raphael (16) in the head

    P keeps quoting

    "The afternoon had been stormy,’ I said, ‘and the lights of the cars were pixelated by rain; the pavements collaged with wet black leaves.’"

    "When I got to his house I heard music playing,’ I said. ‘A requiem. I waited for him to answer the door to an accompaniment of Berlioz.’"

    K is getting spooked

    "What are you talking about?’ he asked again in a voice made hoarse with fear.

    ‘Battersea,’ I said. ‘You asked me once if I remembered Battersea. And now I do.’"

    K tries to distract P by calling him Matthew

    "He laughed suddenly, an odd sound: hysteria masquerading as relief. ‘No, no!’ he said. ‘You don’t get me that easily. Those aren’t your words. They’re someone else’s. You don’t really remember. Raphael put you up to this. Really, Matthew, how stupid do you think I am?’"

    he goes for the gun

    P kicks away the gun

    K asks what hes going to do

    16 calls Ks name

    she says shes looking for MRS

    K grabs P and says here he is

    P warns her about Ks gun

    waves rush in

    16 steps out

    K tries to hit P

    P gets loose, runs to 16

    he takes her hand, they run to the wall

    he climbs up the Father and son

    she's too short to follow

    he comes down and pushes her higher up

    the make it 20odd feet up

    cracking sounds

    K is shooting at them!

    P warns him to get in the boat

    they have to move to avoid the shots

    they hide behind statues back

    P peeks out, sees K going to boat

    hes wading, boat is swirling

    boat is dancing around the hall

    K is hopelessly swimming after it

    boat comes at him then flies away

    P shouts for him to climb

    a big wave crashes and the spray goes way up

    if they hadnt hidden from shots they would have been thrown

    destiny?

    "The Spray caught the Sun; it was as if someone had suddenly thrown a hundred barrelfuls of diamonds into the Hall"

    K eats it

    boat keeps whirling about

    waves continue, time passes

    they dont speak to each other cuz its too loud

    waves settle down

    "16 had large dark eyes and an elfin face. Her expression was solemn. She was a little older than me – about forty, I thought. Her hair was black with wet.

    ‘You are Six … You are Raphael,’"

    she says hes MRS and that she doesnt know him

    shes here because shes a police officer

    P thinks theyre both freaked by Ks death

    she tends to his wound

    it Looks like he was hurt by shrapnel, not a bullet

    she cant get down so he goes off to find something to help her

    he collects some gear, returns to 16

    he feeds her seaweed

    he ties nets together and makes a web she can climb down

    "Our clothes were plastered to our bodies with wet. My hair – which is dark and curly – was as full of droplets as a Cloud. I rained every time I moved"

    he talks to birds

    "It’ll be gone soon,’ I told them. ‘Don’t worry.’

    ‘What?’ asked Raphael, startled. ‘I don’t understand.’

    ‘I was talking to the birds,’ I said. ‘They’re alarmed by the great quantities of Water that are everywhere. I’m telling them that it’ll soon be gone.’"

    she wonders why he talks to birds, he mentions that she did too

    she asks why he scrubbed her writing

    he says because K said she was evil and would make him go mad

    she says we should go home, he can come to her place and then she can take him home

    he says i am home

    she doesnt respond

    she tells him why he should leave

    "There’s something I have to tell you,’ she said. ‘I don’t know if you remember this, but you have a mum and a dad. And two sisters. And friends.’ She gazed at me intently. ‘Do you remember?’

    I shook my head.

    ‘They’ve been looking for you,’ she said. ‘But they didn’t know the right place to look. They’ve been worried about you. They’ve been … ’ She looked away again to find the right words to express her thought. ‘They’ve felt pain because they didn’t know where you were,’"

    "You don’t think of yourself as Matthew Rose Sorensen?’

    ‘No,’ I said.

    ‘But you have his face,’ she said.

    ‘Yes.’

    ‘And his hands.’

    ‘Yes.’

    ‘And his feet and his body.’"

    Raphael is not contentious, P likes it

    she asks if he would make a visit to MRSs family and he could come back

    he explains that he takes care of the bones

    shes surprised to hear there are other people

    shed like to see the others to id them

    hes like oh theyre dead

    shes all what?

    he thinks they were dead before he got there, but he cant be certain

    he asks if she has dead

    do they visit them and take them offerings

    then he says he has to collect Ks body

    she says theres plenty of time

    she touches his shoulder

    he starts crying

    it must be MRS inside him crying

    he asks if she'll come back

    she will come back

    she asks if he'll think about seeing MRSs family

    he will

    "My last thought before I fell asleep was: He is dead. My only friend. My only enemy"

    he finds K

    he explains how he'll treat the corpse

    "I will put you in good order and you can rest in the Sunlight and the Starlight. The Statues will look down on you with Blessing"

    P finds the boat

    "I wish that you had saved him,’ I told it.

    I did not feel that it responded in any way. It seemed drowsy, dozing, only half alive. Without the Rushing Waters to animate it, it was no longer the devil that had danced on the Waves, first mocking Dr Ketterley and then abandoning him"

    Raphael asks what she should call him. he starts to say Piranesi but falters. K used to call him that but K was a dick

    R tells him how she found him

    an owl flies in. P has never seen a real live one

    R interviews Sayles. He explains what happened to MRS

    P talks about how things from the older world are represented by statues

    she promises to come back whether he visits the other world or not

    he gives R a tour of the halls

    "She said, ‘It’s such an astonishing place. A perfect place. I saw some of it while I was looking for you, but I kept having to stop at the doors to write out the directions back to the minotaur room. It got very time-consuming and frustrating and of course I didn’t dare go too far in case I made a mistake.’"

    he remembers that early on he had to use chalk to mark his path - more internal wrestling with truth

    R asks if she can take photos. P says yes and thinks how nice it is tthat shes respectful of the house

    P shows her the people of the alcove.

    "Raphael regarded them gravely. She gently rested her hand on one of the bones – the tibia of one of the males. It was a gesture conveying comfort and reassurance. 'Don’t be afraid. You are safe. I am here.'"

    she apologizes for his experience.

    "I was astonished, even a little alarmed. No one has ever been as kind to me as Raphael; no one has ever done more for me. That she should apologise seemed to me inappropriate. ‘No … No … ’ I murmured and I put up my hands to fend off her words"

    The two types of being sorry

    he wants to avoid the thought that they were murdered.

    "Mostly I wanted Raphael to come away from them so that I could stop thinking of them the way she thought of them – as murdered – and go back to thinking of them the way I always had before – as good, and noble, and peaceful."

    he shows her the Coral Halls

    "There are Figures horned with coral, or crucified on coral branches, or stuck through with coral arrows. There is a Lion enmeshed in a cage of coral and a Man holding a Little Box. The coral has grown so profusely over his Left Side that half of him appears to be engulfed in red- and rose-coloured flames, while the other half is not."

    she expresses appreciation that there are no people in the house. he asks if she doesnt like the people in her own halls.

    "Don’t you like the people in your own Halls?’ I asked, puzzled.

    ‘I like them,’ she said, with no very great enthusiasm. ‘Mostly I like them. Some of them. I don’t always get them. They don’t always get me.’"

    he considers why one might not want to be around people.

    "Perhaps even people you like and admire immensely can make you see the World in ways you would rather not. Perhaps that is what Raphael means."

    he resolves to leave with Raphael.

    "I have returned all of the Dead to their allotted places. Today I walked through the Halls as I have done a thousand times before. I visited all my most beloved Statues and as I gazed on each one, I thought: Perhaps this will be the last time I look on your Face. Goodbye! Goodbye!"

    what must it be like to leave your entire life behind?

    he puts all his ornament back in his hair. Raphael seems astonished.

    "I took one last look at the Eternal House. I shivered. Raphael took my hand. Then, together, we walked into the corridor."

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