Afleveringen
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My life changed profoundly in 2015 when I decided I would give up alcohol. I knew I wanted something different, but I had no idea that this life would be better than my wildest dreams! I was simply ditching booze because I needed to change something. I had a sense it was alcohol that might be standing in the way of a more fulfilling life, but I didn't know for sure. Now I do.
My Christmas wish for all of you is to discover how much bigger and brighter and better life can be when we stop hiding and numbing and tamping down our true self. It's not that giving up alcohol in itself creates this change, but instead, it allows us to discover a part of ourselves that we have not yet met. A part that is vulnerable and messy and beautiful. A part that wants to be seen and wants to shine. This takes time and work - we will have to do hard things, but the reward is a bold and courageous life. A life where we can be fully ourselves, and we can learn to love ourselves again.
May we be brave enough to share the deepest parts of ourselves with one another so that we may be blessed by the human spirit within each of us.
Show Notes HERE
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Zen, Coffee and Alcohol-free living
I recently sat down with Billy Wynne, co-founder of Awake, one of the first sober bars in the U.S, and author of the upcoming book, The Empty Path.
Billy shares his personal journey of how he gave up alcohol and how all roads started with his Zen Buddhist practice. Billy recalls that initially, like many of us, he made up rules about his drinking, one of which was 'never drink alone'. This led him to acknowledge that drinking didn't really have a place in his life and, in fact, he felt liberated from alcohol vs. deprived.
He shares the story of Awake and his experience with opening one of the first sober bars in the U.S. Awake closed in 2022, but not before sparking new ideas for many.
Billy and I chat about his first book (available March 2025), The Empty Path: Finding Fullfillment through the Radical Art of Lessening.
We also chatted about:
Equanimity and mindfulness meditation Presence-based coaching The art of Savoring Time, Parenting and Travel... and more!Show Notes HERE
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Compassion and Self-Compassion is critical for your AF journey.
One of the most important steps in our AF journey is learning how to move through life with more compassion and self-compassion. This one key shift can help us to broaden our perspective, let go of expectations and forgive ourselves.
In this episode of The Sober Edge podcast, I focus on three key areas:
Compassion for Others Compassion for Self Compassion for the WorldCompassion for ourselves can be the most difficult. We are so often our worst critics and while others may more easily forgive and forget, we might find ourselves ruminating on the past. With self-compassion, we can explore a softer and gentler approach.
And, don't forget compassion towards your new AF life. Check out the show notes for 7 Ways to Observe and Act on Compassion in an Alcohol-Free Life.
Show Notes Here
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Language + Breath + Movement = Clarity
I love words - I believe they hold great power.
I also have come to respect the role that story plays in our lives, both the stories we tell ourselves and the stories we carry from others.
My post-alcohol life has also led me to realize that I am not just a thinking being but also a feeling and moving being.
My guest on the podcast this week is the developer of NLSE. Our conversation touches on all of these things; breath, story, brain and body, and perhaps most importantly, how we combine these elements and actions to create a new experience and a new understanding of oneself.
Kyle Smith is a Clarity Consultant and an 'accidentally sober' human. In this episode of The Sober Edge, we touch on the following topics (and more):
How to declutter our racing thoughts Removing emotional clogs to open our heart The mindset gym for mental fitness Macronutrients of the mindFull Show Notes HERE
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Many of us struggle with the shame we feel about becoming addicted to alcohol. We can intellectually understand that alcohol is addictive, but we often feel that we should 'know better' or "it could never happen to me".
In my recent studies at Stanford University, where I completed a certificate in the Psychology of Addiction, Dr. Anna Lempke shared the reasons behind why people become addicted to alcohol (and other drugs).
In this episode of The Sober Edge podcast I break down what we know about genetics, the impact of our family of origin and the role that our neighborhood or culture plays in our risk factors for addiction.
Here are some of the highlights:
The role of nature, nurture, neighborhood How advertisers use our emotional brain to trigger desires to drink Why we need to pay attention to dopamine when we are drinking and when we stop drinking The good news about alcohol addictionShow Notes HERE
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Do you recall what you loved to do when drinking was not part of the 'all-inclusive' package?
My guest on Episode 165 of the podcast is Darci Murray, who believes wholeheartedly in "Sensory Heightened Travel". Darci has been 'hooked' on travel since childhood, having grown up with a mom who was a travel agent and learning early on to love new adventures.
Darci is one of several travel agents who are newly focused on AF and sober travel, but she is doing things a little bit differently.
Hooked on travel is intentional about creating experiences that allow us to be fully immersed in the local culture, and allow us to explore the things that light us up. When we stop taking alcohol on vacation, we have the beautiful opportunity to experience a part of ourselves that we might have lost to booze.
Darci also has some unique offers, including traveling with 'sober locals', 'dry grad trips' and an invitation to our sober supportive friends and family!
Find out more in the Show Notes HERE
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What if you had a road map to a sober life you love? What if it came in four simple steps? Does that sound easier than a lifetime of 'working on yourself'?
I know that life is not simple; humans are complex. We have emotions, backgrounds, circumstances, and it would be foolish to think that we could expect everyone's sober journey to look the same. But, after 5+ years of working with hundreds and hundreds of women on their AF journey, I have discovered a few things to help you move forward.
Having a framework is powerful; it allows our minds to focus in on the process and can help make change less overwhelming. The first two steps from last week are: know yourself and grow yourself. I have found that starting with these two explorations sets us up for the next two steps: love yourself and be yourself.
Let's unpack this together:
Love Your SELF: Learning to love ourselves is hard for most of us. Drinking can rob us of the ability to love ourselves fully. We often carry shame, guilt and regret about our drinking and over-drinking. When we put down the bottle, we can begin to practice loving thoughts and behaviors towards ourselves. This is the ultimate self-care; learning to care for ourselves with love and compassion.
Be Your SELF: As we learn the first three steps, we gradually start to feel more comfortable in our own skin. We feel more authentic, and we find ways to ask for more, and to give more. Learning to 'be' is the ultimate lesson in life, one that takes a lifetime to learn. When alcohol is present, we delay this beautiful evolution. When alcohol is removed, we start the great adventure of life!
Full Show Notes HERE
Want to know about The SELF Experience? Find out more HERE
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Today, I share two areas that I am focused on and that I help clients explore when we ask, 'what now, what next?' on this alcohol-free journey.
The first place to start is to KNOW yourself. So many of us go through life without asking 'who are we?'. I love self-reflection and I love a good quiz, but trust me, finding out which Disney Princess you are is not the same as knowing yourself:)
It's not that we have purposefully gone through life without looking in the mirror, but women wear a lot of hats; wife, mother, employee, caregiver. It's no surprise that we often filter who we are by who we are with. And, for many of us, giving up alcohol allows us to start to explore who we are outside the roles we play, who we are on the inside.
The second step, I believe, on this path to living alcohol-free is to GROW yourself. When we leave alcohol behind, we are in a unique position of having more time, energy and clarity to devote to personal growth.
Here are a few takeaways from this episode:
How to get to know yourself again What are core values, and why do they matter? Ways to grow into your AF life How to lead with curiosityShow Notes HERE
If you would enjoy participating in a small group and having a guide, I invite you to check out The SELF Experience program where we spend time on these two important steps of not only living AF but thriving AF! The SELF Experience
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Are you ready for a Good Mood Revolution? I know I am! I think we can all use a bit more joy and happiness in our daily lives.
I sat down with Matt O'Neill, author and podcast host of The Good Mood Revolution. We had an enlightening conversation about the 8 Negative Moods and the 8 Positive Moods. Matt is an expert at breaking down big concepts into bite-sized, actionable steps.
Here are some highlights from our chat:
How to catch yourself doing something right The biggest myth about happiness Why you should focus on your negative thoughts Never complain again - your new superpowerMatt's book will be released in mid-December. What a perfect read for the New Year!
Show Notes HERE
Want to hear Matt talk about his book? He will be joining us in January in The Sober Edge Book Club as part of our Author Spotlight series. Find out how to join the club HERE
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My journey continues beyond learning how to become AF and yours will too.
I think the most striking difference between becoming AF and living AF is the shift in focus and time. I have experienced and witnessed what is possible when alcohol is out of the way.
Time feels different now that I am living alcohol-free. The time I used to spend drinking, thinking about drinking and recovering from drinking is now ‘new time’. And, with a new sense of time, I have been able to explore this next chapter of my life. When I was drinking, time passed with me numbing out and with opportunities missed. Now, time is lived vs. passed. I create experiences vs. avoiding them.
I shared in Part 1 my journey through my first Sober Anniversary. In those first 12 months, so many things shifted for me, but I was still focusing a lot on behavior and those raw emotions. I spent that first year doing a few things that set me up for the next stage - living alcohol-free.
I didn’t have a road map or a guide for my AF journey (boy, do I wish I had!). I think I pushed my way through those first few months with force - I even used some of my anger to fuel my resolve. But, as I moved past year 1, my emotions started to level, and I began to feel excited and peaceful as I settled into my ‘new normal’.
(Listen in on this episode to hear more of my lessons, or go to the Show Notes)
The lessons continue. Just like happiness is a direction, not a destination, living AF is an expansive state of being, not a place where we arrive. If I had stopped at just ‘becoming alcohol-free’, I would have stayed in that place of focusing on my behavior and my emotions. I would have missed the place where I am now, a place where the adventure of life continues to unfold in new and surprising ways.
Cheers to LIVING Alcohol-Free!
Full Show Notes Here
The SELF Experience - find out more about living AF!
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On October 18, 2015, I woke up with a slight hangover and a mountain of guilt. I had let myself down, again, but I had also let other people down. I felt like a horrible person, someone I didn't recognize. I had finally had enough - enough of letting alcohol be the most important relationship in my life.
After that one decision almost 9 years ago, my life has unfolded in ways I could only have imagined. While I felt in my gut that I was meant for more, I had spent so long tamping down my dreams and ideas that I had no idea what might lie ahead. I have always been a 'personal growth junkie' listening to Zig Ziglar on cassette tapes and joining several MLM's to rub shoulders with other dreamers. But my dreams were always plagued with doubts that I could do more and be more. I now recognize that alcohol was a way to soften the blow of an unfulfilled life.
This episode is a 'look back' at becoming AF, it's a glimpse into those early days. In this episode I share 4 things I have embraced by becoming AF.
Next week, I will follow up with 'Living Alcohol-Free' a glimpse into these past 8 years and I will share 5 more things I've learned along the way.
Show Notes Here
Empowered AF 5x Coaching Certification - the doors are closing! This is your chance to join and save $1000. If you have wondered, dreamed or imagined becoming a life coach and helping other's experience freedom from alcohol, this is an incredible offer. Use this link to find our more, apply and save $1000!
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What if you stopped drinking and followed your passion for a new AF business? That's exactly what happened to Marlys Aspinwall and her husband Chuck.
In 2021, after she found herself drinking too much during COVID, Marlys decided to take a break. Her husband quickly followed her lead. Three months later, they opened a pop-up bottle shop.
Marlys shares in this episode of The Sober Edge podcast that at the time, they hadn't even decided that their break from alcohol was going to be permanent. But, after experiencing the connection and the opportunity to encourage their customers, they were hooked. Chuck began searching for a brick and mortar storefront where they could set up a bottle shop and a sober bar.
I asked Marlys to share some tips for starting an AF business and for working with your partner. Here's what she had to share:
Divide the key aspects of the business based on what you are good at and love to do Get the community involved Ask for help ...and more!Find the full show notes HERE, along with a coupon code for 15% off your first order!
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Are you tired of talking about alcohol and drinking and not drinking? I get it, just as we can experience recovery fatigue, I believe we can also burn out by talking about alcohol too much.
Yep, I want to invite you to NOT talk about alcohol.
I have shared before my philosophy that 'behavior comes last'. A quick refresher: changing our behavior is only one part of changing our relationship with alcohol. We must also change our thoughts and beliefs about alcohol. We have to go beyond willpower and the outdated idea of not 'picking up' (as the solution) as they say in some recovery circles.
The reality is, with my coaching clients, we spend only a small percentage of our time talking about drinking and not drinking. What we talk about instead is the reasons behind our drinking. We focus on making alcohol small by building a bigger life, one we don't want to hide from.
In this podcast episode, I break down the steps of what to do instead and why this is the sweet spot to lasting change.
Full Show Notes HERE
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Midlife is often a time of big transitions. Giving up alcohol can also create monumental shifts. As we move through these transitions, we sometimes leave parts of ourselves behind, and sometimes we leave others behind.
My friend and fellow coach Aimee Ames has been on her own transitional journey, including going back to school to become a Functional Nutritionist, redefining her relationship with alcohol and ending a 23-year marriage. Along the way, Aimee discovered that 'you are your one true partner'. I love this saying as it reminds me of what I came to recognize in my own path: the one person who will be with you at the end, is you.
I am excited to share this conversation with you. Aimee is an incredible human who shares her wisdom freely and shares the difficult parts as well.
Amy also talked about her work with the Somatica Institute, training as an intimacy coach and a sex and relationship coach.
Find out more in the Show Notes HERE
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There's a saying, "You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with". The wisdom behind this statement is the urgency. We recognize that we have a limited amount of time to rub shoulders with people who inspire us and challenge us to grow. And, it can prompt us to choose our friends wisely. Spend time with negative people and we might find ourselves complaining more. Spend time with positive people and we suddenly feel more energy and hopefulness.
In this podcast episode, I break down the ways we can do a personal inventory and start noticing if the things we are allowing into our lives are bringing us 'up' or bringing us 'down'. This exercise requires intention and space; the exact things that we have access to when we put alcohol aside.
We can use our clarity of mind, our free time and our energy to engage in new ways. But, beyond just bringing new things in and filling our days haphazardly, this exercise invites you to notice what feels good, what lights you up, what sparks your curiosity and your passion.
This alcohol-free life is a catalyst to paying attention; this is your opportunity to build the life you want!
Full Show Notes HERE
The Sober Summit - get your free ticket HERE
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What's on your bucket list? Chances are it includes at least one place you want to travel to. But traveling sober? Many of us are nervous and might even avoid the idea of planning a sober vacation. After all, if you are like most of us, travel and alcohol went together without question.
Meet my friend Michelle Plante. Michelle is the founder of Michelle Plante Travels and, since becoming alcohol-free at the very beginning of 2019, her travel plans always include fabulous adventures where no alcohol is needed.
In addition to taking her travel experiences to a whole new level, Michelle shares what else has changed since becoming AF:
She found the courage to leave a corporate job she felt stuck in Being AF allows her to quickly know if something is a yes or a no ...and more!After discovering the joys of AF travel, Michelle is now curating Wellness, Adventure and Luxe trips for sober women.
Check out Michelle's adventures to Costa Rica and India, and follow along with her special travel blogs: all links in Show Notes
Are you excited about The 2024 Sober Summit? Get your free ticket to 24 fabulous speakers - link in Show Notes
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If you have ever wondered if other people talk to themselves, the answer is yes. In one form or another, everyone has a voice in their head. This voice has a lot to say, and we listen. According to Ethan Kross, author of 'Chatter', if you have ever replayed a conversation in your mind, or coached yourself through a problem or skill, you've used your inner voice. Most people rely on and benefit from theirs every day. But what happens when our inner coach turns into the inner critic?
The clients I work with often find themselves stuck in negative self-talk and turning the talk around is an important part of coaching. On the current episode of the podcast, I share several ways to bring awareness to the voice in our heads and make peace with it. There are practical tips that help us become the 'cheerleader' vs. the 'critic':
How to bring awareness to the voice in your head How others can help The power of perspective, aka self-distancingFind out more tips in the Show Notes
And you struggle with negative self-talk, I am offering a book study, starting at the end of September, that will feature Chatter by Ethan Kross. This series will provide practical steps to turn that voice into your on-call coach! Find out more HERE
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Loneliness is possible even when we are surrounded by people. In today's culture, we have more opportunities than ever to connect - we can face a family member, catch up with a video chat or reach out with a text message. Yet we often feel disconnected from others.
My guest on the podcast this week is Nick Jonsson, an executive coach and alcohol-free coach who understands the impact of loneliness. In fact, he wrote a book on the subject, 'Executive Loneliness'. In 2018, Nick found himself stressed out, drinking too much and feeling disconnected from his family, his friends and from life. He decided to make a change and, with the help of a 12-step program, he started his sober journey. Because of the anonymity of his program, Nick recovered in secret and didn't share openly about his new lease on life. That changed in 2019 when a good friend committed suicide. Nick realized that he had no idea his friend was struggling, and he vowed to start a brave conversation about loneliness, mental health and recovery.
Visit the Show Notes page to learn more about Nick and his work
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IAccording to a 2018 independent study by Drinkware, 60% of adults admit to using alcohol to cope with stress. If your stress is caused by burnout, alcohol is the worst possible solution.
In our conversation today, my guest Jamie Phillips, shared the signs of burnout:
Living in fight or flight Never recovering from stress Adrenal fatigue/exhaustion Loss of agency Survival mode Brain fog Poor sleepIn addition to burnout and recovery, Jamie and I talked about how 'drinking was her favorite thing' and the prevalence of alcohol in the queer community. Jamie shares openly and honestly how she discovered a deeper layer of purpose behind alcohol.
You can find out more in the Show Notes
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I am excited to dig deep into our belief system and how these conscious and sub-conscious beliefs can keep us stuck as we make changes in our relationship with alcohol and beyond.
First, let's talk about the three levels of belief - particularly relevant when we think about alcohol:
Substance (what we believe about the liquid alcohol Society (what our culture, our family of origin and society tells us about alcohol that we have come to accept as the truth) Self (what we believe about ourselves that relates to alcohol)These levels of belief are in order (1-3) intentionally. Challenging our belief system gets harder as we move from substance to society to self. (For more on this, and examples, listen to this week's podcast episode.)
So, how are beliefs formed, and how do we challenge the beliefs that no longer serve us?
Listen in to learn how beliefs are formed and the socratic method which can help you discern your own truth when it comes to alcohol.
More details in the SHOWNOTES
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