Afleveringen
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If you look at social media influencers, news headlines and commentary, late night TV hosts and a high percentage of the so called informed public, you find a consistent thread of cynicism. Cynicism is a general distrust and lack of faith or hope in humanity and it’s gotten to be viewed as clever and intelligent to take a cynical view of life, and naive to be hopeful and optimistic. My guest today has found opposing data. Dr. Jamil Zaki is a professor of psychology at Stanford University and the director of the Stanford Social Neuroscience Lab. He trained at Columbia and Harvard, studying empathy and kindness in the human brain and his interest is in how we can learn to connect better. You won’t find Jamil much on social media, as his years have been spent teaching at Stanford and studying humanity and he’s put his findings in a brand new book titled, Hope for Cynics: The Surprising Science of Human Goodness. Jamil attests that is in fact cynicism that is naive and relates it to a trail lawyer who ignores half the evidence. Jamil says, “Cynicism is not a radical worldview, it’s the status quo. The norm. It’s the “common man” and it’s a seductive worldview that is dark and simple. He says this with an educated and compassionate spirit, as you’ll hear, and does not call for blind trust but rather, hopeful skepticism where we practice an open mind with discernment and constructive faith. Find Jamil at ssnl.stanford.edu
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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I really appreciate taking a topic where we think we know what drives us, and discovering the motives are actually coming from somewhere else. It allows us to come into better alignment and realize more benefit. In this case, the concept is kindness. We think we should be kind because it’s the right thing to do. And if we’re kind, then others will reciprocate and be kind to us in return. It’s usually under the “should” category of life. We “should” be kind. Especially to those we perceive as not so kind. Be kind to the person who cut you off in traffic. Be kind to the surly person behind the coffee counter. Be kind to your spouse who seems grumpy to you. When I’m interviewed on other podcasts, I’m often asked who some of my favorite guests have been or the most profound topics. I often cite Shaunti Feldhahn. Shaunti is a social researcher and best-selling author who investigates life-changing truths about relationships. I first got to know her through her book, “The Kindness Challenge – Thirty Days To Improve Any Relationship.” In it she uncovers that whether we thrive depends far more on how we choose to treat others than on how we ourselves are treated. The path to our happy place starts with one choice: whether or not to be kind. Especially when we really don’t want to be. The punchline? Being kind benefits us far more than who we choose to be kind to. I had this conversation with Shaunti nearly seven years ago and here I am still talking about it today. As I keep bringing her message back up, I’m re-publishing our talk so you can hear Shaunti’s full research. Find her at shaunti.com
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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We spend our childhood being labeled as to who we are. Then we continue into adulthood thinking of ourselves as who we are, like we are a fixed object. And yet when we look back to ourselves five or ten or 15 years ago, we often hardly recognize or remember that person. We have this concept of finding and figuring ourselves out. Anything that is growing, changes. While there may be some continuity in how you look and how you tend to think, who you are today will be incredibly different in the years to come. Understanding this helps you be more adaptive to change and have more openness in your existence.
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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This show is called What Drives You. My book is called What Drives You. Because what drives you becomes your life. If we’re not getting what we want out of life, we are unaware of what is really driving us. Happiness, for instance. As a podcast host I am inundated with self-improvement books and personalities. There have been more books with “happiness” in the title than I can count in recent years. Why? It sells. We all think we just want to be happy. But I don’t see our cultural decisions supporting this and feel it’s an errant goal. I find what we want even more than happiness is security. But even more than that, is meaning. To help us consider this, let’s look at the jobs we choose and the movies we watch. Getting more clear on what you’re really driven to achieve will help you achieve it and will showcase why your current efforts may not be producing the success you expect.
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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Have you ever struggled with feeling a twinge of guilt for your desire to continually grow and change? Wondering if you should just feel content and grateful for where you are and it’s selfish to desire and want more? Especially if you are mainly surrounded by others who seem to just be ok with things as they are? I’m actually not going to justify and make a case to help you feel better. But I will ask some questions and give you some reframing to think about. Such as, do you grow because you are discontent with who you are and what you have now? Or is changing and evolving just part of your natural DNA?
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I hear from more and more people who just enjoy the journey of personal growth. They almost feel guilty about it, especially if they are mostly around others who seem content to just maintain life. They wonder why they have this insatiable appetite for more insight about themselves and life. Of course, I resonate with them. Over the past years I’ve realized that what I value most is not going after any specific goals, but just always having a goal to go after. My experience is most goals we achieve are anti-climactic if we think they alone will finally satisfy us. And again, I’m brought back to realizing what gives me the most fulfillment is having goals to go after, every day, all the time, so that…I enjoy the daily journey of life. It’s the overall hope of discovering some new insight about myself or life that I can apply and find joy in. And then continue the next day on the same path to a new, inspiring destination. I wanted to talk more about it and invited my best friend, Randy James, to join me. Randy is a medical doctor and Functional Medicine expert who you can find at truelifemedicine.com. What drew me to him 15 years ago, I now realize, was how we resonated in a desire to pursue personal growth. Randy is insatiable with new information and always excited to talk about a new idea and concept. Though not just for the sake of the idea. He’s excited about a new insight he can apply to his own life or the life of a patient, his family, or his friends. Like me. Following is our conversation about this concept of growth and the joy in the growth, even more than the goal.
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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The focus of this episode is twofold. One is to look at how you are driven to show appreciation to people. How you show love and your motives behind your efforts. The other is some ideas for helping drive people to you. My muse is gift giving. The very concept has a lot of baggage around it. A lot of shoulds and expectations. Our focus here is using gift giving as a tool in your work, but we hit on the personal side as well. This is a message that forever changed my ideas on gift giving, and this conversation was actually recorded a few years ago. My guest is John Ruhlin. John is younger than I am. He has younger kids. And a few weeks ago I got word that on a family vacation, he collapsed, and was never revived. He died. In the wake of his death I saw the outpouring of people whose lives he impacted with his message of gift giving in love, and the heart behind it, and how it benefits us. John was devoted to helping people increase and expand their relationships, with radical generosity. He viewed gift giving as a form of love and was an incredibly influential leader in this space. That’s what people felt from John. Love. It was authentic, and he had specific tactics to spread it. That’s the conversation you are about to hear. So…in memory of John Ruhlin, and in honor of the love I know you want to spread in your own world, let’s drive together for a bit to discuss The Art Of Gift Giving & How To Be Memorable. Find Johns offerings at thegiversedge.com
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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I’ve admittedly put my focus on the work we do on the actual product and service we help deliver. No matter what you do, at the end of the rope is a product or service that is sold. To find fulfillment in your work, my experience is that it’s of utmost importance that you resonate with and support that end product or service. Or…is it? I find it hard to justify not having respect for what you help provide. But I also see how important your work environment is and your actual role. Which is more important? As I think about myself, I can almost make an argument that the environment and tasks are more important. Drive with me a moment to ponder this.
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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Yes, I’m talking about the TV series. With my family life I don’t get to see a lot of TV, but I really like a good story that moves me. And I like Kevin Costner as an actor. So I watched the original Yellowstone series. It was hard at first, I didn’t like any characters. But then it drew me in. So now I’ve watched the prequels, 1883 and 1923, and really appreciate them. 1883 has some beautiful character stories in my opinion. The last episode of this podcast was with Dr. Tessa West, who is a Professor of Psychology at New York University and her new book is, Job Therapy: Finding Work That Works For You. We talked about the feelings around work and how it’s in many ways a more devoted marriage than with our spouse. Looking at work, I’m concerned that in the tech and AI age of 2024, we are still stuck in a work mentality from 1883 where we just go slog it out to hunt and gather and look at work and our life as a chore. And it deprives us of the spark in our life that can light us up. If we look at work as a necessary evil, we’ll make decisions to create that reality. If we look at work as having evolved from mere hunting and gathering to also what we get to contribute to the world, we create that reality. Drive with me a moment to look at reframing what you expect from your work.
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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We are all going to work. For most of our lives. We applaud people for their anniversaries. “Oh, you’ve been married for 10 years, congratulations.” Or the big celebration you have for a couple who has been married for 50 years! Well, most of us will work for nearly 50 years. I had my first consistent job at about 13, started my first business at 15, and my intent is to live till I’m 90 and work till then. That would put me at 75 years of working. You will also spend more time with your work than your spouse if you don’t include sleeping. So in essence, the greatest marriage of your life will be your work. What kind of relationship will you have with this primary spouse? My guest is Dr. Tessa West, who is a Professor of Psychology at New York University where she is a leading expert on the science of social relationships. She has over 100 academic
publications and is a regular contributor to the Wall Street Journal. Her work has been
covered by Scientific American, the New York Times, Financial Times, The Guardian,
CNN, CNBC, ABC World News, TIME, Bloomberg, HBR, Fast Company, and the US
Supreme Court. Her first book was Jerks at Work and now she’s published a book titled, Job Therapy: Finding Work That Works For You. In the book she posits the comparison between our work and a marriage. She says at the core we have deep, intimate feelings about our work and it is a primary ingredient in our self image and overall drive for life. This is where I dug in with Tessa. With all the focus on the topic of work I’ve had, I’ve never really gone down the trail of looking to our feelings and emotions and core relationship with it. This conversation will forever change how I view my relationship with my work. Find Tessa at tessawestauthor.com
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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This is at the heart of what drives you. Many of you. Most of you. And I’ve been there too. You are driving along every day after things you haven’t really agreed with. And then you wonder why you don’t feel motivated and you’d rather just scroll social media, eat, drink, numb or entertain. You want to tune into stories that make you feel cause you aren’t getting many good feels from your current life. You are in good company. And much of it isn’t because anything is specifically wrong or against you. You are just somewhat aimless. And for those of you who are pretty driven, you may be tempted to say this isn’t you. Stop for a minute. You may be inspired to push through your day, but how fulfilled do you feel? Not just happy here and there, but really fulfilled? At peace. This is my story too. Drive with me a bit as I come to you with some contemplation from my back deck at 9,200 feet up in the Rockies. Let’s think together a bit as we hear the birds and the wind play in the Aspens.
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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I’m looking at how true friendships can be vital for your drive. I’m sensitive to this topic, as we know culturally, very few people have close and consistent friendships today. We are more isolated than ever and more and more people have never experienced a real, true friendship. As an introvert, I want to offer a few thoughts on the value of friendships, and some ideas on where to find and how to foster them for your benefit. Again. I’m not the socialite. I’m happy to enjoy my own company. And being with anyone is somewhat of an effort for me. And yet I’ve learned the value of investing in, nurturing, and having close friendships.
Hey, got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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To talk about what drives you…your body transports you. All of you. It is your vehicle. And what you eat fuels it. I was at someone’s home recently and looked around their kitchen. What I saw motivated me to peek in their fridge and freezer. Yeah, I’m that guy. And what I found was hardly any real food. It was all FDA approved edible substances. But nothing with any nutritional value. I’ve come to label myself as a sensualist. I am highly motivated to please my senses. I’m no prude in any way and a life of eating raw veggies with no taste is not a life to me. But for my senses to all be working and enjoying this beautiful life, I’ve got to fuel them properly. A common phrase in the health and wellness world is that food is your best medicine. Well, medicine is usually what we take to treat a disease or illness. I see food as the anti-medicine and am striving to eat in a way that promotes my health so I don’t need any medicine. Let me try and simplify the idea for you.
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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I have an admission to make. I’ve been a lifetime advocate of making a difference in and with your work. Making an impact in the world. I viewed work like it’s a ministry to save the world. And I didn’t connect with people who primarily worked just to make money. I negatively judged it, to be honest. And yet today I’m friends with plenty of people who work to provide a basic product or service, and find joy in making money. What I now realize is important, is your spirit behind it, either way.
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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Not everyone is driven to be an entrepreneur, but sometimes we may need to go down this path in order to have freedom to do what we think is best. My best friend, Randy James, is a medical doctor. When he started he made a pact with God that he’d be a doctor, but he never wanted to be a businessman. Following is a story of why he reluctantly went into business for himself, and now testifies that having to learn the business side of his vocation has helped him be a better doctor and serve his patients better. I have always loved being an entrepreneur, but I’m not a naturally gifted businessman overall. I’m not great at running a business, I just want to do my art, and I feel many of you will resonate with just that. There is a product or service or message you care deeply about, and don’t see how to deliver through traditional channels…as an employee. So you’re looking to set out as an entrepreneur, or you already have. I recorded this show to commiserate with you, and give you some inspiration and ideas on reconciling what you do and how you do it. I also ask for your grace, we had an audio malfunction we totally missed, and Randy’s mic wasn’t working. Our audio team worked to make things as clear as possible, but you’ll notice a stark difference in the audio quality when he talks. I think you’ll find Randy’s story worth the slight audio error. Find Randy and his team at truelifemedicine.com
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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I continue to concern myself with the concept of retirement, and the concern isn’t just for those who are older in age. It’s completely relevant for my kids just leaving home and entering into their adult lives. I find so very few people retiring who are leading fulfilling lives. At the end of the day, we just want purpose, the subject of my last episode. People generally retire because they were mainly working for a paycheck and they just want to be done. The motives that provide fulfillment in our later years of retirement age are the same motives that give us a good life today. The following discussion was not a retirement focus so much as just asking how motives help and hurt as our life progresses. What came up was the profound value of having work you you find purpose in. This recording was with my Dad, about three years ago. I had been in Florida for an extended time and I took the opportunity to sit down with my Dad, Dan Miller of 48 Days To The Work You & Life You Love fame, join me. He was 73 and woke every morning excited about what he wanted to accomplish in the next 20 years, while many of his peers were just bored. Passing the time. The stats show people who retire decline in health and well being due to a lack of purpose. Which again makes this an episode relevant for anyone of any age to listen to. My Dad’s 20 year plan was cut short by a cancer diagnosis that saw him leave this earth just seven months ago. But what a gift that he was working at what he cared about, to the very end.
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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In this episode I’m looking at the connection between lack of purpose and increased negativity. Is there a correlation between idle time and negativity bias? Obviously I think there is or I wouldn’t pose the question. I have an admitted positivity bias. But when I step back and look at the big picture of our culture, I can’t help but see connections, and it gives me cause to consider how my own drive for purpose helps curb my propensity to not only think negatively, but even feel negatively. The past year of my life has been one of the most challenging in regards to hardships and challenges in my immediate and extended family, so I’m not coming to this while sitting on my yacht drinking martinis. But through it my outlook on life has increased in positivity. In beauty. In awe even. Does hardship increase negativity, or just, lack of purpose? Drive with me a moment.
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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I’m going from our values to today’s cultural issues. Considering your values which we covered in the previous episode will help you better understand your own position on the issues. Or if you even want one. I argue that it’s near impossible to have a concrete stance or even in-depth knowledge of every issue. Why? There are too many and if anything, I question someone who has a stance on every issue and I’d argue that while they may have some knowledge and have developed a position, they aren’t taking adequate time to actually participate and be giving value to any or many of them. Which makes them a critic with no value instead of someone intelligent, responsible, and “in the know.” I bump up enough literal issues within my own family and town and in order to engage, I can’t tend to everyone. Can you?
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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In this episode Social Credit Report: The Qualities Everyone Wants To Know About Each Other. With anyone you care about or are interested in caring about or relying on, you want to know what they are about. What they value. Which is ultimately, what you can count on. Think about it like a social credit report. A credit report tries to measure if you can be counted on financially. People try to seek out our values as a social credit report. They want to know what they can trust. We generally want to know if we can trust someone with the general morals and ethics we deem important. But it’s not all about morality necessarily. If you want a drinking or partying buddy, then you want to know if you can trust that at most any time, they will join you. If you like fighting at bars then you are looking for…a certain set of values. If you want someone to join you on a moments notice for a sketchy, unplanned and relatively unsafe adventure out in the mountains, you can count on me. But knowing that, do you want to do business with me? These are the things we wonder about each other. Are you clear about your own values? That’s the show.
Hey, got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
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We look at how our values fuel our drive and how they often come into friction with today’s sociopolitical issues that I feel we are pressured to all have a solid stance on. I see and have felt the tension it can cause. What we grapple with as individuals affects our work and where we work and the corporations that influence and employ much of the population. Patrick Lencioni is someone corporations look to as a guide. He is a highly in demand speaker and the author of thirteen best-selling books with over nine million copies sold. After more than twenty years in print, his classic book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, remains a fixture on national best-seller lists and with most businesses. His most recent book is The Six Types of Working Genius: A Better Way to Understand Your Gifts and I have widely evangelized his personal profiling tool at workinggenius.com where you can find out what your working genius is. I’ve had all my kids take it. Patrick recently wrote a blog titled, “How To Sew Unity In A Time Of
Division.” The article was aimed at CEOs and the issues they and employees are facing. But I took it as an opportunity to talk with someone whose insight I respect, about values overall and the struggle in our current culture to live them out. Patrick says, “The world changed with frightening speed in the past five years. That change wasn’t so much a shift as it was a divide. The emergence of a host of sociopolitical issues has created a massive rift in culture, one that is
unprecedented in the past 50 years.” We don’t get into politics. We don’t get into any specific cultural issue. We do have a conversation about values that Pat said was unlike any podcast conversation he’s ever had. My hope is this conversation helps you consider your values and your stance, or not…which I’ll discuss more in the next episode, on today’s cultural issues. Find Patrick at thetablegroup.com
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected]
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