Afleveringen
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Our Pals once were podcasters. But unlike you, listener, they were Pals with bits, "Yes, and"-ers; Pals with spirit. And if their spirit can survive podding with each other for almost three years, then they can survive anything.
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What is the deal with Vampires? They're out here all moody, milky pale and trying to avoid any natural light. It's like the front row at a My Chemical Romance concert! And what is it with all this stuff about sucking people dry just to sustain themselves? Where'd they learn that from, my ex-wife?! And hey, I know they've got all these strange weaknesses, but if you ask me, there's lotsa worse ways to go than some garlic and a steak to the heart! Anyway, this episode's all about the best movie vampires.
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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And now, the Sinners' prayer:
Some films, if rated an eleven, hallowed be thy name; will this be one? Wouldn't that be fun, if we all gave this movie an eleven? Give us today not too wide a spread; and Frank give us our Marcuses, as we give Frank those who Marcus against us; and lead us not into Tom-tation, but deliver us more podcasts. For the pal-dom, the pal-der, and the glor-pal are yours, Pal and forever. Pal-men.
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Viewing things as a young child
Held a real "je ne sais quoi"
So we decided to go buckwild
Hi there, it's the monkey who writes the blurbs for Throw in the Pal here! Eagle-eyed viewers will recognise that the above is an acrostic poem, using the acronym VHS as its basis, as this Short 'n Sweet is all about VHS classics from the Pals' childhoods. Some real indulgent shit, I'd say, but whadda I know: I'm just a monkey, ooh ooh, ah ah, you get it. Anyway, students of arithmetic will also note that there are only three letters in VHS, and thus three lines is all I'm morally permitted to write, lest the very laws of poetry be forsaken all in the name of a podcast minisode. Perish the thought. Finally, please consider listening to this podcast and telling your friends so that there can be a fomentation of some online outrage and a possible liberation for me, the Blurb Monkey, from my hellish fate. I ever so miss the sun.
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The Pals... they have minds, and they have souls, as well as just hearts. And they've got ambition, and they've got talent, as well as just beauty. I'm so sick of people saying that podcasting is all the Pals are fit for. I'm so sick of it! But we're so lonely... So join us, won't you, and help alleviate some of our pod-based blues in listening to this week's episode of Throw in the Pal, discussing Greta Gerwig's 2019 adaptation of Little Women.
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Video games... What are video games? Are they movies you play, with missions and aims?Is it all interactive, do you pick the events?Do you have to pay more, in dollars and cents?Is there easy and hard as a mode to select?Are there easter eggs hidden for you to detect?If I eat a burrito and hold in a fart,Then unleash it on canvas, would you call it art?"How's that related?" you ask with derision,Life's about swings, not always precision.Anyway, Pals, this episode's truly'bout Video Games that were made into moviesSo sit down or stand up and listen as weTalk a lot and say, like, some real funny shit.
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A Minecraft Movie, y'say? Next they'll be doing a Fortnite Feature or a Roblox Reel! And why stop there?! There could even be a THIRD THING!
Anyway, enjoy the episode.
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People keep writing in and asking the Pals when we're going to start talking more about current events. No, that's not 'currant' as in the berry, so calm down you juice-guzzling sickos. We mean current as in 'currency', the tokens that line our credit and draw us together in the spending spree of modern stuff. Coins and cash and doo-hickeys of all variety, from yen to pounds to the almighty dollary-doo itself. Though it's not the tender itself we're so wowed by here at Pal Enterprises. No no no! In our humble opinion, it's the very nomenclature used to denote money that makes our change pockets jingle, and none can compare to the Spaniards when it comes to their heralded word for moolah: dinero. So this episode, we spend the entire-- [the world's largest vaudeville hook apparates and yanks this bit off the stage, as a nebbish man in a tweed suit appears, reading from cue cards]
We apologise for the misunderstanding. Please enjoy this week's Short n' Sweet on the performances of Robert De Niro.
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Now the story of a wealthy man who lost everything, and then the same man who had no choice but to let his boxing career flame out so that he could open up a sleazy nightclub in order to perform atrocious standup comedy and more efficiently make out with teenagers. It's a-Raging Bull, innit?
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Balls: what are they good for, anyhow?
Can you eat ‘em? Can you take ‘em out on an airplane and play with ‘em without getting into trouble? Can you go one day without someone getting on your case about holding onto ‘em for too damn long?
For most of those, the answer is fairly self-evident, even if you’ve become confused somewhere in the middle and started thinking about testicles instead, which seems to be turning into a habit for you.
Balls: round and other-shaped, big and not so big, they’re the engine of all worthwhile sport, and watching sport is the more worthwhile version of watching movies. And so, together at last, the Pals get into some Ball Sports!
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The reason it's called the "f-you-ture" and not the "f-us-ture" is that everyone's is their own to make. That's really the main theme of the Back to the Future movies, if you ignore "white people actually invented rock and roll" and "maybe MILF is a more inclusive term that you originally thought." So let's get back to it, Pals, for our 100th episode spectacular and Season Two finale!!!
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The Pals have been watching movies for so long that they almost forgot why they started doing it in the first place: so they could yell vulgarities at each other over minor score disparities. Luckily, we at Throw in the Pal have decided to celebrate our nearly 100 episodes by dedicating an entire "Short n Sweet" to the frequency with which we come close to physical violence when someone dear to us says something disagreeable about the moving pictures and loud noises projected onto a screen that we did or did not find it fun to look at. It's in these times that we all become much, much less than friends; we become Pals!
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Pal boys, Pal boys,
Not just one or two,
Not just one or two,
There's a third for you.
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Picture half of an Australian choccie biscuit, blown up to massive proportions and then frozen over, becoming the coldest, most massive hunk of a common confectionery you've ever seen. They're calling it a Tim Brrrr-tonne, and it's the topic we were supposed to be talking about in this week's episode, but instead we started chatting about this freak-deeky goth director. Whoops!
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Adam West did it best when he wore the crusader's vest
Mr Affleck sadly naffed it, wasn't made for Gotham habits
Robert Patz beat the stats, made for such a brilliant Bats
Then there's Christian, sure do miss 'im, even when he's hissy fittin'
But this here Michael is an eyeful, with a chin that's most delightful
And Nicholson's a tricky one, who cackles like Don Rickles, hon!
Throw in the Pal, oh give in now, before we have a mighty row
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Whether you're watching the second movie in a documentary series about anatomy (Leg: A Sequel), addressing an elven archer via a misguided nickname as you instruct him to use his water powers to stymy an oceanic tempest ("Lega! Sea quell!") or you've just got a mouthful of turkey stuffing and are garbling random syllables while trying not to asphyxiate ("Leh... guh... thee... kwoll!"), you're more than familiar with the term Lega-sequel. So this mini-sode is probably completely pointless. Enjoy!
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If Booksmart, does that mean Moviedumb? The answer may surprise you...
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What's this?! An episode where the Pals have decided to discuss the sometimes illustrious, oft-ignominious life of Oscar, Sesame Street's grouchiest denizen? Or is it, instead, a dialectical in which the automobile industry of Australia and its multivalent products (colloquially known as Oz-cars) are given a right old lashing of the Pals' ever-waggling mouth slugs? Or, perhaps, it's some third, even more ludicrous thing? All false, I fear! Instead, the Pals are discussing the upcoming Academy Awards, including their opinions on the films themselves, as well as their predictions of the night in question. Huzzah!
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You know how to whistle, don't you? You just put your lips together and blow... Well, no, not quite like that. That's less of a whistle, more of a, uh... wet trumpet, I guess. Overall, not a very pleasant soun-- Hup, still goin' are ya? Right, well, yes you... you certainly are enthusiastic. By the by, couldn't help but notice the golden cap you have on one of your incisors. That's... yeah, that's a choice. Adds a strange texture to this this whole damp farty-mouth thing you've really chosen to stick with... Y'know, you're actually not bad at that. If there were some kind of award, I reckon you'd be in the running. Maybe some prize given to the best spittle-flecked lip vibrations by anyone with a gold-encrusted tooth. I guess they'd call them... the Yellow Mouth Brahps? I dunno, something along those lines. Whadda ya want from me, huh? HUH?!
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On the seventh day, God rested. He had created the heavens and the Earth; all things terrestrial and cosmic had unfolded and sprung from His benevolent palms, twisting together in arcs of splendour and horror to find shape in four key elements: fire, water, wind and soil. And yet, in his infinite wisdom and boundless scope, the Lord had neglected the fifth and final element, the crucial component that would fuse these disparate particularities, making them greater as a whole than they could ever hope to be apart. God, realising his error, gave His golden wrist a mighty flick and willed into being this ultimate entity, the adhesive property He had forgotten that would guide the world into everlasting glory and hold back the tide of our suffering: He created Bruce Willis.
And the rest, as they say, is Pal-story...
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