Afleveringen
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Have you ever thought about what it looks like to learn science in an organic way? To really celebrate it and live a life where you and your kids are interacting with it through passion and practicality? To see it linked to or naturally occurring in so many other things in your days? We chat with April from @modern.homeschoolers and Anne from @obytheby in the latest episode, The Rich Experience of Unschooling Science. We talk about curiosity, joy, fun, depth of learning, our role as parents, stewardship, gaps (or not) and more. We hope youâll have a listen!
Resources:
@obytheby
extraschooling.com
@modern.homeschoolers
@heroineofyourstory
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #28: Spot the Learning
Merlin app
Seek app
Planet Fungi Documentary
Magic School Bus program
Magic School Bus books
Wow in the World podcast
Dinosaur Train program
Science Max program
But Why podcast
The Art of Noticing
Explorations in the Ant World
Letters to a Young Scientist
Dude Perfect YouTube channel
Crazy Russian Hacker YouTube channel
Mythbusters
Bird cast (migration) app
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One of the things thatâs been important to each of us at the Virtual Kitchen Table is community, both for the sake of all and also as a way to better support educational options for families. In one of our earliest episodes (linked in Resources/Show Notes) we talked about the benefit of rich and varied community as places to live and learn. Several episodes later, we discussed homeschool communities (also linked). In todayâs episode, Kendel from @spark.to.flame.homelearning joins us again as we find some practical ideas for building and contributing to community with the local spaces and people around us as well as specific thoughts in relation to home education. We touch on so much in this conversation and yet it feels thereâs still more to think about. Weâd love you to have a listen!
Resources:
@spark.to.flame.homelearning
Episode #3 â Choice in Education: Living and Learning in Community, Virtual Kitchen Table
Episode #15: Homeschool Community â Finding, Sustaining and How it Evolves
Who are the People in your Neighbourhood? Ever Learning
Happiness is Here â Is Unschooling Too Focused on the Individual?
Happiness is Here â Nature Journalling: Adopt a Creek for a Year
Novitas Magazine â Grassroots Community Support During the Current Housing Crisis
Novitas Magazine â Project Knotwork: Merging community and education through project-based self-directed learning
Five Ways That Home Education Can Be Healthy For Communities
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Zijn er afleveringen die ontbreken?
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Have you ever wondered whether your child is learning enough? Or maybe you suspect thereâs more than meets the eye to what theyâre taking in through outdoor play, online gaming, the stories they tell, the things they are making or any other number of things? We were so thrilled to have April Scully from @modern.homeschoolers and @heroineofyourstory and Kelly Edwards from the @90minuteschoolday join us to peel back the layers beyond what we might see at first glance and really notice and respect the depth of what our children are pursuing. This is another long episode as we really dig into the specifics of learning as well as our role, process and practical tips as parents. We hope youâll tune in!
We Discuss:
The mix of skills integrated into any given activity when we look beyond the first glance
Kids picking up the skills they need based on the meaning in their play and the relationships that they have
That âpulling outâ the learning helps us with feelings of self-doubt about how much is happening in our days
How profoundly learning is connected to relationship
Being mindful of not taking over interesting learning opportunities and seeing them all as âteachable momentsâ
That there is purpose behind all the exploration and potential mess!
Allowing time and space to pursue mastery if wished, reach the end, and really satiate that interest â protecting the time and space to pursue things in depth
âSoft skillsâ development happening right alongside concrete ones
Our pauses in reaction as being crucial to allowing for our kidsâ thoughts and excitement about something to rise up
Being open-minded about the rules of the house â working through what we want the culture of our house to be as far as allowing flexibility for physical play or finding a designated space
That everybody has the right to change their mind â what will work for all of us, parents included?
Valuing non-academic learning at least as much as academic â thereâs very little that kids canât learn quite quickly once theyâre a bit older, experienced and mature
Self-directed competence leading to confidence
How these deep explorations our children do can form core memories in the longterm
The perseverance involved in learning something for just for its own sake
The value of a child learning a goal that isnât important to anyone else but them â entirely intrinsic
How some kids like to learn what they share in a very encouraging way with others and a piece of the learning is in the retelling
That our childrenâs natural learning style teaches us a lot about our own preferred way of taking in information and also the ways that arenât natural to us
How our children sharing their stories with us is a form of writing â an opportunity for them to process, self-edit and more
The value of mixed ages and learning in connection with other people
The abundance of skills developed through gaming â reading, numbers, online etiquette, risk-taking â and how easy they are for us to miss
A story of learning to read and the parental processing that went along with it
Strong interests as being portals to learning so many things
That our children are not learning for the purpose of performing or âchecking boxesâ so itâs helpful to be aware of that in how we process our thoughts and respond
How learning in flow is a whole different quality of learning
Practical ideas for creating a culture of deep, natural learning, including ones for parents quite new to a more self-directed style of home education
Resources:
90 Minute School Day
Modern Homeschoolers
Heroine of your Story
Importance of early years in attachment- Modern Homeschooling
The Soft Skills Disconnect by Nation Soft Skills Association
Honey, Iâm Homeschooling the Kids podcast
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #6: The State of Flow in Learning
Practical Ideas for Capturing Natural Learning if You Need to Record Keep: Stories of an Unschooling Family
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Have you heard of strewing? Is it something you actively do? We really enjoyed having Kendel from @spark.to.flame.homelearning join us for a conversation about the more nuanced aspects of strewing. There was a lot more to discuss than we first imagined. Weâd love if youâd have a listen!
We Discuss:
Keeping track of the things weâve shared with our kids as a way of seeing the fullness of whatâs happening in our lives
Strewing as active, thoughtful and intentional but without attached expectations
Strewing as scattering seeds and fertilizing ground â enriching the environment
How terms and words can feel like they come with a set of rules
Spontaneous strewing
Inviting our kids into our interests as well
How strewing can offer comfort and practicality if parents are newer to homeschooling or not using a curriculum
That strewing is both simple and complex
Strewing as a fun, enjoyable practice
How all parents living in connection with their kids are likely doing some form of strewing without necessarily having a name for it
Digitally documenting the things we share and strew and do
Strewing as something that can be shared with family just even as a way to show what weâve been up to
Strewing as connected to our childrenâs love languages
Sharing ideas with people of all ages as a form of strewing
Strewing for the purpose of connecting and sharing rather than for a learning goal
Differentiating between the delight-directed learning of curating around a childâs interest to cover certain subjects versus authentically offering something with no strings attached
How some things might be seen as objectively educational or academic
Sneaky or stealth learning â manipulation versus autonomy of choice
Whether thereâs such a thing as a strewing âfailâ and if so, how we might define that
How there can be room to share our thoughts without manipulating the situation and turning things into a lesson or our own agenda
Being connected and observant as a way of knowing when we might be pushing our kids beyond what theyâre comfortable with
That itâs helpful to remember that the world has so many opportunities rather than coming at things from a scarcity mindset
Trust in us as having a lot to do with how kids feel about what we offer
Not feeling absolute or time-limited about what we offer â something may be enjoyed at another time
The vast difference in childrenâs responses and warm-up time â a âmaybeâ can mean completely different things from different children
Creating a safe and welcoming environment for kids to join things if they are self-conscious or apprehensive â the line between being strategically supportive and manipulative
Whole family strewing
Modeling being a curious person
Sensory strewing!
Expanding our ideas of whatâs important
That diving into a childâs interest too intensely can actually hamper it or at least hamper their willingness to share
Being upfront about the time commitment and intensity of what weâre offering if itâs a bigger thing â a volunteer job or theatre opportunity, sports team and noticing when itâs something weâd like them to do because it would feel good to us
What kidsâ interpretation of an activity or commitment is
Supporting our kidsâ developing sense of self and consent
Low cost strewing ideas (so many interesting things came up!)
Accepting and leaning into ideas from extended family, friends and neighbours
Resources:
Strewing: Definition and Suggestions â Sandra Dodd
The Gardener and the Carpenter â Alison Gopnick
What to Do When Strewing is Rejected- Stories of an Unschooling Family
When Our Help and Strewing Are Rejected â Stories of an Unschooling Family
The Big Fib Podcast
Love Languages for Children â Dr. Gary Chapman
Episode 15: Homeschooling Community-Finding, Sustaining and How it Evolves â Everlearning
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The time of year leading up to the conventional school year can include mixed emotions. Weâre surrounded by back to school focus, fellow home educators talking about their plans and maybe even wondering how we might get to our familyâs own aspirations and ideas. Please pull up a chair and listen in as we talk about moving through the fear of missing out.
We Discuss:
How people are talking about planning and curriculum and being ready for the beginning of the school year. It sometimes feels like we must be missing something.
That so much has to do with how we perceive homeschooling and education and the way we go about that so some peopleâs actual homeschool styles are going to require more planning than others. It doesnât necessarily make them better but itâs just kind of the reality of logistics.
Taking personality into consideration rather than making assumptions about homeschool styles
That there isnât one way of doing things and so just because we see people doing those things doesnât mean that we are necessarily missing out if we donât. It also doesnât mean that our kids are necessarily missing out if we donât.
Adventure lists, project lists, joy lists and compiling of ideas and plans with flexibility built in
Marketing in Back to School sales that promote the idea of a new and fresh start
Centering of school and Back to School in kidsâ books, shows and movies and how that doesnât always resonate for homeschool families â finding our own norms
Acknowledging that our kids will be missing out on things no matter what decisions we make â school or not, particular homeschool style, our particular location
That itâs okay not to do âall the thingsâ whether thatâs following the Olympics or taking advantage of traditional fall activities or anything else
Practical ways to work through feeling grief or uncertainty about the first day of school or various milestones like school pictures, riding in the bus, track and field.
The idea of âwhat enough isâ and looking very intentionally at how rich everyday life can be
The school year as simply an extension of what youâre already doing and both the ordinary and extraordinary things youâre enjoying.
Marking down the ordinary things on the calendar as a way of noting the regular abundance of our lives
Taking âstockâ of the content and process of our week from three perspectives: What do our children bring and initiate? What do we? What do the natural happenings of life? Is there an area weâd like to pay more attention to?
Challenging common assumptions about linear or standardized learning and developmental stages
Potential fear of missing out on what we had intended to bring to parenting, so actually missing out on the implementation of our own ideas
Abundant family living on a budget â ways for home education to be as accessible as possible
Resources:
Taking a Kinder Path â 4 lists to liven up your home ed days (And keep you on track for a life you love)
Taking a Kinder Path â Joy lists: A Home Education Essential (what they are, why you should have one and how to get started)
Taking a Kinder Path â Home Ed Resources â Read-aloud round-up 2021 (gorgeous gift ideas with)
Taking a Kinder Path â 13 Best-Year-Yet Resources for Home-Ed Planning
Taking a Kinder Path â New to home education â Your first week
Life is Already Full â Moving Away from the Fear of Missing Out
Are we Looking from the Perspective of a Child?
A Piece of Ordinary
Abundant Family Living on a Budget
Episode 16: Lists or Not â How Do We and Those We Love Keep Organized?
Episode 25: Self-Directed Learning Beyond Acadmics
A Lifetime for Learning â Parents Donât Need to Offer Everything
Homeschooling Terms that Crept Up on MeâŠConfessions of an Early 2000s Homeschooling Mum
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Often when self-directed learning or home education in general is discussed, the focus is on skills that are considered academic or subject-oriented such as reading, writing, mathematics, science, history and others. However, a growing number of other things such as learning to swim, skate, learn an instrument and drive a car are now assumed to need formal, paid instruction as well. Sometimes this is preferred and beneficial but could some of it be marketing or fear-based? What happens when children learn life skills or pursue interests in their own time or with support from family? Please join us as we discuss a topic that might be of interest regardless of how or where your child is educated. Resources:
Free to Learn â Dr. Peter Gray
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The middle-age years can be a challenging time but could they be full of promise and opportunity as well? We loved having Missy Willis of Let âem Go Barefoot and Sue Elvis of Stories of an Unschooling Family chat with us about midlife and what the possibilities are if we approach this life stage with an unschooling mindset. Please have a look at the Resources below to link directly to Missyâs essay that inspired the conversation and Sueâs latest unschooling book which challenges us not only with our childrenâs unschooling but with our own perspective. We hope youâll enjoy our discussion.Resources:
Embracing Midlife with an Unschooling Mindset â Missy Willis, Let âem Go Barefoot Substack
The Unschool Challenge â Sue Elvis
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Episode 23: Living Authentically, Confidently and Intentionally â a Conversation About How We Show Up in Our Lives, with Teresa Wiedrick
A few months ago, Teresa Wiedrick shared her experience of her coaching work with homeschool moms and supporting women to get âout of their own wayâ and it struck a chord. We were so happy to have her chat with us more specifically about living authentically, confidently and intentionally and many of the common themes we might encounter. Teresaâs website, Capturing the Charmed Life, is home to her many offerings such as blogging and coaching as well as her podcast, Homeschool Mama Self-Care. She is also the author of Homeschool Mama Self-Care: Nurturing the Nurturer. Join us around the table as we chat about this important journey!
We Discuss:
The idea of âgetting out of our own wayâ to do the things weâd like to or feel inspired to do
Thoughts around our lives in the areas of authenticity, confidence and intention
How this existential work can be helpful to do at various ages and life seasons for a range of people
Resources:
Capturing the Charmed Life
Homeschool Mama Self-care Podcast, Episode with Teresa and Erin
Homeschool Mama Self-Care: Nurturing the Nurturer, Teresaâs book
Virtual Kitchen Table, Episode 21: Emotional Labour
Virtual Kitchen Table, Episode 22: Does Homeschooling our Children Shape our Identity?
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Have you ever thought about your identity as a homeschool parent? We discuss our identities as home educating mothers and the role that home ed plays in how others see us, how we see ourselves and even how our children might see us and themselves. We were so pleased to welcome Brittany Acciavatti to our conversation. You can find Brittany at @britt_acciavatti on Instagram.
We Discuss:
What it would feel like if our child went to school as far as how we see ourselves, our role, our time?
Home education and child development as an actual interest and passion
The decision to home educate often being proactive rather than necessarily reactive
How life transitions naturally lead us to reflect
The potential invisibility of the role of homeschool parent to other people outside of the homeschool world
That because it weaves throughout our lives, it sometimes doesn’t seem like a role
But also …
The pressure sometimes of feeling like an ambassador of the home education world
Not pressuring our kids to be ambassadors or perform as a way of defending our choice to home educate or prove how wonderful it is
The natural inclination to want to share things we’re excited about, particularly when they are new to us
The odd dynamic of wanting to celebrate our kids without boasting about our role, or, conversely, access support for struggles without blaming ourselves - our roles are kind of woven together with our kids in the context of how schooled society sees success and failure
The vast amount of personal work and learning that goes into our role, and the potential sense of loss if a child goes to school
That our role changes but does not necessarily lessen as kids get into the older years
The deep responsibility we feel for our children as we partner with them on this path - there is no external entity to ‘blame’
Protecting them from external assumptions and supporting them as they emerge through various stages, but also recognizing the need to carefully fade back sometimes
The importance of our role - needing to be there for those deep and sensitive questions and conversations
Finding time for ourselves and having our kids regularly see that - creating space for ourselves
That we don’t need to take responsibility for other people’s perceptions or opinions of our roles or identities but we can be gentle with ourselves in how we manage that for ourselves
Having collaborative relationships and partnerships with our children and how that can deepen in the older years
Excitement for the years ahead and enjoying the collaborative process with our kids
Home education as something that we choose, but for kids it is simply their life
Our ego - checking ourselves and not taking it personally if our kids are not enjoying things as much as we imagine they might
Protecting our identity and acknowledging our insecurity at times, remembering that our kids are coming from a different vantage point from ours as parents
Resources:
My Very Last First Day of “Not Back to School” - Ever Learning
Unschooling Together Community -
We had a really interesting conversation about the concept of âemotional labour,â both in the context in which itâs being described in Emotional Labour by Rose Hackman and other writings and podcasts (see Resources), as well as our own concept and ideas about how we see it within family life. Please join us as we come to understand what the term means, how it plays out and the choices we make around it.
We Discuss:
Anticipatory grief and supporting ourselves while weâre supporting others
Holding the perspectives, thoughts and feelings of multiple people within the role of parent â all the pieces we hold at once
How we need to be compassionate with ourselves
Putting language to the familiarity of emotional labour
That emotional labour is truly work which takes skill, effort and time and this explains why we might feel tired
Emotional labour as a primary responsibility for people working in the service industry â keeping people happy
That we begin co-regulating alongside our children as infants and little ones as one of our first forms of emotional labour
The tax on our systems from various personalities and neurology, including our own â it can be genuinely tiring even when we are choosing it
Two layers of consideration â sometimes we have more energy than others to begin with and then weâre also accumulating energy from emotional labour that at some point needs to be discharged
Being open to the individual timing and tools each person needs and uses to move through grief
Improving our emotional skillset toward all people through parenting and home education
Moments of compensation for other peopleâs lack of emotional labour, whether thatâs our children, spouse or others
The social cohesion that results from emotional labour
The âhiddenâ aspect of emotional labour because so much is in our head
The additional emotional labour often involved for people who are vulnerable in someway to partake in activities â differences of power
The emotional labour involved in facilitating childrenâs and family social activities
Consent â reflections about pushing past our own consent and that of our childâs to maintain social comfort
Tending first to the person who feels the least safe or most impacted
That itâs okay for people not to be happy all the time and recognizing that we simply canât be the fixers of all things
Tolerating an array of emotions â in our society, not all emotions are welcome and that can complicate modelling and expression
Recognizing and acknowledging the emotional labour of our children and others as well
Recognizing when we are filtering or editing the expressions of our emotions for other people â putting other peopleâs emotions ahead of ours and that we can choose to do that and itâs okay, but that it does come at a cost
People having the opportunity to be on the receiving end of emotional labour as well
The high capacity for men and boys to experience and act through empathy
The social cost that sometimes happens for females when they donât do the emotional labour thatâs expected
People pleasing as currency
The nuances of emotional intelligence and the ways kids develop and show it
Making a choice of how much to give and when not to put others ahead
Seeing emotional labour as truly valuable, not just expected
Giving ourselves grace and creating room for our own rest, time and care
Resources:
Emotional Labour â Rose Hackman
Sage Family podcast â Rachel Rainboldt
Fed Up â Gemma Hartley
The Powerful Purpose of Introverts â Holley Gerth
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If youâve been in the homeschooling world for long, youâll likely have come across the word âdeschoolingâ and may understand it in the context of children having time and space to get in touch with their natural curiosity and learning. Soon enough, it becomes clear that more of the work in this area is actually for parents. We continue deschooling but this almost always plays out imperfectly. Missteps are inevitable. Join us as we discuss how our bigger picture intentions seem to still shine, and we share ideas about how we can have compassion for ourselves in the midst. We so appreciated being joined by Esther Jones of The Unschool Space podcast and A Place on a Hill blog, which can be found along with her workshops and offerings to parents at www.esther-jones.com.
We Discuss:
How deschooling is not a linear process
That moments of resistance can be the learning moments
Getting curious rather than being too hard on ourselves
How deschooling perfectly is actually an oxymoron of sorts
Noticing some of the places we get caught up by the physical sensations we experience
Seeing external expectations as almost a third person in the relationship with our children
Outer opinions and pressures pulling us back in our process
Getting comfortable with imperfection, for our kids and for us
Finding our own strategies when weâre feeling shaky about things
That having expanded our own ideas about a range of possibilities as home educating families, people might feel reassured talking to us about their own kidsâ paths and choices
Being easy on ourselves about how early messaging we received runs deep and can be very disconnecting from our physical processes and inner knowing
That as parents, we might have some bits of resentment that we didnât have the same degree of choice and acceptance in our choices that our children have
All the messages that we carry into adulthood and how we can be thoughtful about how we model that for our kids
Self-compassion as being key both for ourselves and in our modelling for our kids
Our kids as a barometer to our intentions, helping us be aware of potential manipulation
Personality differences between kids and how they mirror or donât mirror our intentions back to us
Feeling pressure to âfully deschoolâ and then making changes more quickly than is ideal
Wrestling between oneâs intuition and external information/deschooling
Considering how we best live as a starting point rather than getting too attached to a particular label
That we can keep checking our responses and reactions
Taking note of resistance
Understanding that everyday is a new piece of work to navigate relationship and communication; there will be disconnecting moments and opportunity for repair
The potential for us to feel frustrated toward home ed books and blogs when things arenât turning out the way âthey said it wouldâ
That our certainty can pull us away from the vastness of possibility
How we can trust that our children have wonderful ideas, skills and knowledge to bring to a situation and actually take the pressure off ourselves a bit
That when we bump into an edge, we can stay with it as long as we need to. Itâs okay to take the time to work through
The idea of saying âyesâ more is not quite so straightforward and that our kids can often read when a âyesâ is not an authentic one and can actually better under consent when they see some authentic ânosâ modelled as well
Unravelling gently
That we can take some time to make a decision and can communicate that with our kids
That imperfections and working things through flexibly actually help our kids to be well-equipped and self-aware
Resources:
Esther Jones blog, podcast and offerings
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #14: Kids and Screens, Pondering Digital Tech From a Few Angles â Part One
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Episode 19: Home Ed Labels and Jargon: Sorting Them Through
If weâve been in the world of home education for some time, we are likely accustomed to a variety of terms that might not be familiar to others, but even then, we often interpret things differently. Join as we explore a variety of terms such as deschooling, unschooling, strewing, gameschooling, project-based learning and more and dig into what they mean to each of us.
We Discuss:
What does âunschoolingâ mean?
The beauty of different terms but acknowledging their incompleteness
Unschooling as a way of life that reflects the way we interact and learn rather than a method
Acknowledging the usefulness of the term âunschoolingâ to help us connect with others and the information
Using a term that links to our particular situation
Who is leading? Child-led learning doesnât mean child-run family
The need to acknowledge the power we inherently have as parents and how we discharge that power
The link between respect and responsibility
That independence doesnât need to be forced
Potential meanings behind different terminology
Leadership and power can be good things when people arenât grappling from a point of scarcity
âBig Juicy Conversationsâ â Conversation as a Tool
Project-Based Learning
Gameschooling â varying perspectives and various possibilities
Stealth or sneaky learning
Strewing
To what degree we are true to a particular label
Labels as having both the potential to unite or divide, include or exclude
How holding tight to labels or trying to fit into a label can end up diluting the framework in some ways
The variety of ways we can look at the same word
Resources:
Understanding Unschooling, Ever Learning
What is Unschooling? Part 3, Myths and Misconceptions, Taking a Kinder Path
Unschooling â Whatâs in a Name? Ever Learning
Unschooling is not âChild-Led Learning,â Pam Sorooshian
Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers, Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Mate M.D.
Unschooling: A Voyage of Discovery, Taking a Kinder Path
The Unschool Space â Putting Relationship First
Exploring Unschooling, Unschooling as a Lifestyle, Episode 251
Project-Based Homeschooling: Mentoring Self-Directed Learners,Lori Pickert
My Little Poppies â Cait Curley
Homeschooling Terms that Crept Up on Me ⊠Confessions of an Early 2000s Homeschooling Mom, Ever Learning
Unschooling Together Community
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Episode 18: What is Unschooling and How Does it Work?
We Discuss:
The origin of the term âunschoolingâ as we understand it
Different paths to unschooling - our own experiences
The assumption of school as the default
Respectful/Attachment parenting as a pipeline to unschooling
Whether we use the term unschooling to describe what weâre doing
Whether home education culture has moved more toward labels
Respecting children as whole people and the difficulties that can come up in school settings
Radical Unschooling - duh, duh, duh
Freedom for children and arbitrary requirements
The nice thing about being on the other end of parenting and observing how things play out
That challenges and failings of systems donât necessarily reflect the teachers and assistants who work there
How learning happens naturally all the time and we couldnât stop it if we tried (looking at the worldâs inventions and discoveries show us this)
Failing as an important part of learning and how one personâs discovery is often built upon another personâs previous one
Living, learning and exploring naturally have been common to all cultures and times - it just happened to be coined by John Holt to explain the way we understand it after years of standardized schooled assumptions
Whether learning needs to be painful and the ways our views have changed about that over time
The fear that children wonât learn and how learning actually happens as a by-product of life rather than learning being for learningâs sake
That learning isnât always about utility but we never know where a thread is going to lead
How coercion creates resistance and the differences between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation
The goal doesnât need to be to learn âit all.â We donât need to stuff learning in.
That gaps in learning are not only by normal, but opportunities for growth. We donât want a standardized world - variances are needed.
The often random and changing standards of school
How this way of living really keeps us in our toes and imagining things from our kidsâ perspectives
The ways autonomy leads to deep learning
An experience with a young adult identifying their own gaps and what their reaction has been. What is our responsibility as a parent?
Resources:
John Holt
Dr. Peter Gray
Taking a Kinder Path (for ourselves, our children and the world)
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Episode 17: Being Intentional about the Holidays - Ideas for Thoughtful Families
Weâre talking about holidays and gatherings in this episode, digging into what helps families make the most of their time together! As we head into a season that can be quite full for many, we share ideas about intention, choice, communication and building in rest and open time.
We were so happy to have Pam Laricchia and Anna Brown from Living Joyfully join us to share their insight and experience. Pam and Anna have a course, Navigating Family Gatherings that, while relevant to gatherings at any time of year, might be particularly timely to many right now. You can also hear more from Pam and Anna on the Exploring Unschooling podcast, the Living Joyfully podcast, and in the Living Joyfully Network.
We Discuss:
The power of being intentional
Understanding that we have a choice, even if something feels really obligatory. We can make decisions that feel more comfortable to us ⊠âchoices within choicesâ
Being a host who helps people feel comfortable, welcomed and accommodated
Food! Most get-togethers and parties involve food so thinking through how our kids respond to different types of food, intervals between food, blood sugars, energy levels, etc
Including our kids in planning conversations in whichever ways feel like a fit
Absorbing any comments or difficult moments that might be directed toward our children as weâve done some preparatory work to be well-resourced
The many possibilities of what we can bring with us (books, games, toys) as options for our families and others
Remembering that people want things to go well and want people to enjoy themselves - coming in with positive energy
Navigating the common âhomeschooling questionâ and ideas for doing that taking context into consideration.
How to help facilitate conversations about our kidsâ interests and what theyâre up to if they want to share with people
Practical ways of sharing what our homeschooling kids are up to
Possibilities for helping engage other people - kids and adults - showing interest in them and finding out more about them as well!
Building in open time and rest before, during and after the holidays and how beautiful that downtime can be ⊠weaving the decompression throughout
Communicating with our kids about how they are feeling, what theyâre anticipating, how they might feel after a holiday or event
Choice again! Playing with ideas around options when the choice isnât feeling clear. Sometimes it might be helpful to imagine what weâd do âifâ we have a choice and we may be surprised what comes up
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What is the role of lists in our lives? How do we each make lists, or not? Is list-making essential to organization or are there other ways to plan and keep intentional about things? How are our personalities and learning styles and those of our children reflected in the way we each make sense of information and understanding ideas in our lives? Is there a societal bias toward certain styles of organization and even organization itself? And could list-making be deeper and more creative than imagined? Please join us as we dive into a topic that seems practical at first glance but took us into some interesting discussion.We Discuss:
Kinds of lists â Joy, Adventure, Project
What is the relationship between the way we organize information and what helps us individually? What overwhelms us?
How do we organize information if we donât use lists?
Prioritizing responsibilities to other people over our own things
Hands-on lists and mental lists versus written lists
âStacking listsâ
The role of personality in the way we plan and keep track of things. What is our tolerance for change or a need to pivot?
The link between list-making and how we individually process things â internal versus external and somewhere in between
Verbal processing versus written lists
The way that lists can help in an unschooling life to see new ideas as invitations
That lists arenât necessarily âto doâ lists, but can also be a sort of menu
Our children seeing their input as respected when itâs written down
Family culture â the very different ways that each family and family member processes things
The danger of lists? Too much planning, not enough action?
Planning in unschooling? Sometimes thereâs actually more organizational skill involved!
Self-directed learning as a process that makes use many planning tools
How a loosely held list can be a sort of âliving documentâ
âPlanning for personalitiesâ in our families
Societal biases toward certain styles of planning
Planning and lists for self-care
List-making as a recipe for disappointment depending on how we see it. How do we remain forward-thinking and plan for our kids and also let go of the outcome?
Could a list be seen as brainstorming?
Lists as ways to be helpful and pass on information to other people
âNot to doâ lists as an idea!
Resources
Joy Lists: A Home Education Essential â Taking a Kinder Path
The Four Tendencies Gretchen Rubin
How Do Unschoolers Plan and Record Learning? Happiness is Here
Self-Soothing checklists â Taking a Kinder Path
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Homeschool communities and groups â Do we need to join one? Should we start one? How do we consider changes to both communities and our family over time? We were so grateful to have Kendel from @spark.to.flame.homelearning on Instagram to share her insight and experience with facilitating a local home ed group with us as we discussed each of our own thoughts and experiences. We invite you to join in for a listen!
We Discuss:
Homeschool community as a help to confidently beginning the home ed journey, although not a necessity
New families who began to homeschool during the pandemic â accepted or not into pre-pandemic groups?
Navigating the choices (co-ops, forest schools, field trips, lessons, get-togethers with families)
Being welcomed as pivotal to our overall feeling about home education
Moving away from the ârightâ answer for a homeschool group because families, communities and needs evolve
Children developing friendships based on what weâd like in our lives in a similar way that adults do
The unique bonding that can develop over time between homeschool peers, possibly because of such a degree of open time together
Children being valued by other kids because they are seen as being so valued by their parents.
Joining a community as a way of giving shape to the week
Differences between the dynamics of the groups
The challenges among families and organizers of operating by consensus (even though it is still ultimately positive!)
Whether we cling to homeschool connections!
How open or not to keep our communities? The potential for exclusion and at the same time, for pushing children to include beyond what they are comfortable with
Forest schools, parent-led and facilitator-led
Shared ideas of what to do when children have different needs or preferences of going to a group event
Really letting children have their feelings about whether or not they want to be there and finding ways to make a special or comfortable aspect for them
Having first hand experiences at a young age of navigating and working things out creatively
Discussing ahead of time, being honest about how everyone is feeling
How kids having their emotions validated helps them learn so much about themselves
No set outcomes and relinquishing control
Not âpunishingâ kids for having a good time in the sense of saying âI told you soâ
Being clear with ourselves about what we are looking to get out of homeschool community
Moving away from the expectation of a homeschool community utopia
The hope for more homeschool families over time
And more ⊠!
Resources:
Spark To Flame Homelearning
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #3: Choice in Education, Living and Learning in Community
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #13: Socialization and Homeschooling, Exploring it from Different Angles
Kiki and the Wildlings Instagram
Home Educating Wildlings
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Conversation continued from Part One ⊠here
Screen time is a big topic. The world has become increasingly digital and parents are trying to make caring and thoughtful decisions amidst many sources of advice, often contrary to one another. This is the first part of our conversation, thinking through and pondering our own experiences and we would love you to join us! We were thrilled to be joined at the âtableâ by Missy Willis of the podcast and blog Let âem Go Barefoot. Missy is a long-time unschooling parent, a former special education teacher and now the co-author of Life Unschooled, A Guide to Living and Learning Without School. She has a wealth of experience and wisdom that she humbly and helpfully shares. Enjoy!
We Discuss:
Can gaming in fact strengthen cognitive processes?
How being in a place of joy or flow can really accelerate learning and integrate learning
Using gaming as a way to check out or cope with something deeper â when it can it be helpful
That itâs easier for kids to be open if they are experiencing something uncomfortable or overloading related to technology if they feel they will still have choices
Big emotions â could games be an opportunity to practice those and feel those out in a safe space? But maybe dysregulating at times for other kids?
The feedback loop that naturally happens when kids get to practice their âbig feelingsâ and find out what is tolerated by other kids or peers and what important learning that is
Young children and screens â what do we think?
How childrenâs TV can actually be a springboard to all sorts of other activity, learning and creativity
Bringing in technology as a tool in uncomfortable and sensory overloading situations, noting societal judgement about that
Neurodivergence and screens â tapping into various ways of looking at things
That we can bring in more joy and connection and leaning toward what our kids are into rather than going straight to taking away
The polarity that is sometimes drawn between outdoor time and technology
The importance and beauty of human connection and sensory input for young children and how they are likely to naturally seek those out, hopefully with parents present and undistracted
Social media, peers and teens â the relevance of relationships to family established in earlier years to draw back to
The feeling of wanting to reel things back in through control as parents and what we might do instead
Being on the âsame sideâ as our kids and figuring out the challenges of social media
Time. đ We can slow down and think it through
Resources:
Let âem Go Barefoot podcast, blog and community â Missy Willis
Psychology Today, Peter Gray article
Stories of an Unschooling Family article by Sue Elvis
A Hunter-Gathererâs Guide to the 21st Century; Evolution and the Challenges of Human Life, Heather Heying and Bret Weinstein
Hold Onto Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers â Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate
Dr. Gabor Mate article, excerpt from A Postscript from the Digital Age, The Digital Revolution Bent out of Shape
* Photo by Missy Willis
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Our conversation ⊠(listen to Part Two here)
Screen time is a big topic. The world has become increasingly digital and parents are trying to make caring and thoughtful decisions amidst many sources of advice, often contrary to one another. This is the first part of our conversation, thinking through and pondering our own experiences and we would love you to join us! We were thrilled to be joined at the âtableâ by Missy Willis of the podcast and blog Let âem Go Barefoot. Missy is a long-time unschooling parent, a former special education teacher and now the co-author of Life Unschooled, A Guide to Living and Learning Without School. She has a wealth of experience and wisdom that she humbly and helpfully shares. Enjoy!
We Discuss:
How this conversation is a learning opportunity for all of us
The âshiftâ that has happened in a relatively short time in relation to concerns about screens/digital tech and the growing sources of information and opinion, often contrary to one another.
How âunlimited screensâ are often associated with radical unschooling, but not that many years ago, families of various kinds seem to have been less rule-oriented in relation to technology
That itâs okay to be wondering and thinking through how things are working for our families
How using something as a treat, reward or seeing it as a âforbidden fruitâ can create a sort of a drive toward it
Joining our children â taking the opportunity to try out being in their world and seeing more of what theyâre into
We can let our child know we need a bit of time to understand better before making a decision, reflect a bit more, be honest that we donât always have the answers â in this way we show humility
How having some really open time and space to do something is the only real way for kids to learn more about themselves and the limits and conditions that work for them
The potential loss of connection with older generations when kids dive more deeply into technology
An abundance mindset rather than a scarcity one, allowing children to really be generous and flexible in sharing common devices or making some compromises to their time.
How communicating and problem-solving together rather than having a standard rule not only takes more effort and leads to developing greater skill for the parent, but for the child too.
Grace. Remembering that we are all trying our best, working together and navigating things as we can
Resources:
Letemgobarefoot Instagram
Game On! : Missy Willis, Let â Em Go Barefoot
What Worries Me About Fortnite (and 9 Reasons Not to Limit Childrenâs âScreentime.â : Hayley, Taking a Kinder Path
* Photo by Missy Willis
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Our conversation continued ⊠(listen to Part One here)
Socialization and homeschooling is unarguably a common topic. It might be considered the proverbial thorn in a homeschool parentâs side. But what do we mean by socialization anyway? Maybe there are a few ways to examine it. We were so grateful to have Kiki from @kikiandthewildlings and www.educatingwildlings.co.uk join us and offer her perspective and experience. Please join us as we talk about this common, yet multi-faceted, topic. We had a few technical difficulties this time, but if you bear with us, we think the content is worth it. đ
We Discuss:
The ability for kids to be comfortably playful until an older age when in mixed age groups
Expansive time for unstructured play
Intergenerational socializing
Deeper, evolving levels of flow with long periods of free play (often with a bit of support partway through)
Kids having opportunity to come in and out of play, jump in quickly or ease in slowly
The frustration for kids of having their flow or gameplay interrupted in a school structure
How young children might have a sense of civility and social skill thatâs actually lacking in the school system (eg. a young boy questioning why the teachers donât simply ask the children to come in from recess rather than summon with a loud bell)
The teen years/adolescence as somewhat of a social construct
The importance for teens of feeling they are contributing and doing meaningful things
The increasing âred tapeâ and bureaucracy involved in many opportunities for mentorships or apprenticeships
Valuing a teenâs own pace of choosing not to rush into independence
Defining maturity â depends what we mean by that word
The different directions home educating teens are moving in from a time perspective that can make it difficult to find ways to connect with one another
The idea of home educating with an eye to putting kids in school at some point â can you fully deschool and embrace this life?
Whether nostalgia plays a role in parents feeling more comfortable with their children in traditional social settings â prom, teams, formal graduation
Integrating into school after homeschooling
How we donât always know what an individual teenagerâs social needs are â they donât always fit the stereotypes
The milestones and assumptions that people project onto teens that are actually more reflective of unresolved things from their own adolescence than of whatâs necessary for a particular teen
Resources:
Educating Wildlings Podcast and Blog
Why You Truly Never Leave High School, New York Mag
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Our conversation ⊠(listen to Part Two here)
Socialization and homeschooling is unarguably a common topic. It might be considered the proverbial thorn in a homeschool parentâs side. But what do we mean by socialization anyway? Maybe there are a few ways to examine it. We were so grateful to have Kiki from @kikiandthewildlings and www.educatingwildlings.co.uk join us and offer her perspective and experience. Please join us as we talk about this common, yet multi-faceted, topic. We had a few technical difficulties this time, but if you bear with us, we think the content is worth it. đ
We Discuss:
What the word socialization means and the different ways we think about it
That this is a conversation that unites people from many styles of home education â how are kids socialized outside of school
How socialization isnât something to really be formally taught as much as it to be learned naturally through modelling and life experience
How some kids are naturally quick at âreading the roomâ and others take longer or see things differently depending, and this is the case with many people regardless of where they go to school
Whether we can really consider school âthe real worldâ
The qualities we respect in adults â often they are creativity, resourcefulness, problem-solving â and how those are often best developed outside the box of prescribed systems
That school is great for socialization into school itself and similar settings, but not always so useful in others
Social discernment and how thatâs impacted by the messaging that everyone in the class is your friend
Conversing with kids about what a friend means to them and being curious about different ways of being friends and holding relationships of different kinds
Whether itâs necessary for homeschool families to have a community â variations in social needs for kids and not just socializing for the sake of it
The emotional intensity that can sometimes be part of home ed socializing (if you know, you know!) and figuring out what works for our families
The nuances of homeschool social time â the skill development and perseverance that it takes as parents to sort through, build connections, etc
That it can be hard! Sometimes parents gel but kids donât or vice versa
The common ways that adults form friendships
The difficulty with extreme peer-orientation
The idea of bullying being normalized
Older adults and connections with a range of ages as rich opportunities for kids and having the time to nurture those
Resources:
Educating Wildlings Podcast and Blog
Let âEm Go Barefoot
Inner Parent Coaching
Socialisation â A Nuanced Topic, Erin, Ever Learning
Home Education Worries: Will They Learn How to Queue? Hayley, Taking a Kinder Path
The Worst Parenting Advice Ever: You Canât Be Friends With Your Kids, Hayley, Taking a Kinder Path
Why My Kids Will Never Be Socialized, Jennifer McGrail, The Path Less Taken
Unschooling Together Community
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