Later beluisteren
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In today's episode, we’re talking with one of our lead coaches from The PBT Institute, Michelle Silva Leber, about the shattering of trust and the process of rebuilding trust after it has been shattered.
Michelle specializes in The PBT Community on the topic of narcissism. She is a TEDx speaker, an international bestselling author, the ROAR to Win podcast host, and President of Soul Shift, Inc. Known as America's #1 Resilience Expert, for over 25 years Michelle has guided people through Transformation after Trauma, Betrayal and healing core wounds.
Welcome to another exciting episode of A Dose of Dr. Debi!
In This Episode:
The fragile state after the shattering of trust How did I get here? You will move through 5 Stages to heal from betrayalLinks
June Trust Again Intensive Waitlist
Subscribetodebi.com
PBT Podcasts
Healed or Hardened Quiz
Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz
PBT Institute Membership Community
Trust Again Book
From Hardened to Healed Book
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In today’s episode, Elena Mosaner discusses hypnosis as a coping mechanism for difficult life experiences – betrayal, heartbreak, and more.
Mosaner is an ICF (International Coach Federation) certified professional coach, NGH (National Guild of Hypnotists) Certified Hypnotists, Certified Hypnotherapist and book author. She holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Creative Writing and Film as well as a Master of Science degree in Executive Coaching and Organizational Behavior. Throughout the last 15 years, she has worked with celebrities, professional athletes, high-level executives, and she has helped more than 1,000 people transform into their best version using hypnosis therapy and coaching.
Mosaner sees clients from all over the world via Zoom and hold self-hypnosis and personal growth workshops a few times a year. She was featured by the NY Times, NY Post and ABC GMA as one of the top NYC hypnotherapists. She is a founder of AlphaMind self-hypnosis app. Learn more about her work on www.elenamosaner.com
In This Episode
What is hypnotherapy? Hypnosis for heartbreak How to practice self-hypnosisLinks
Elena Mosaner’s Website
Elena Mosaner’s Facebook
Elena’s Free Hypnosis
SubscribeToDebi.com
PBT Podcasts
Healed or Hardened Quiz
Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz
PBT Institute Membership Community
Trust Again Book
From Hardened to Healed Book
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In today’s episode, J. Scott MacMillan talks about the 12 stages of the hero’s journey that he walked through to take back his own life after years of holding himself back. Listen to today’s episode to hear more about the 12 stages.
Scott MacMillan is an author, entrepreneur, and certified NLP life coach. His coaching business, Hero Life, uses behavioral learning techniques, adult learning theory, and the hero’s journey to help people learn new skills and apply critical thinking to daily life. Leveraging personal experiences and psychology expertise, MacMillan helps people overcome stuck periods, both in their personal lives and in business, to step into their true authentic self. Follow him at www.jscottmacmillan.com.
In This Episode
J. Scott’s wakeup call Dissecting the 12 stages of the hero’s journey Becoming your own mentor Calming the nervous systemLinks
J. Scott MacMillan’s Facebook
J. Scott MacMillan’s Instagram
J. Scott MacMillan’s LinkedIn
Be the Hero of Your Life the Book
SubscribeToDebi.com
PBT Podcasts
Healed or Hardened Quiz
Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz
PBT Institute Membership Community
Trust Again Book
From Hardened to Healed Book
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Staying stuck is a choice. In today’s episode, Byrdy Lynn Kelley talks about her childhood betrayal, how she got through it as a child, and how she fully healed from it over time. Listen to today’s episode to hear how Byrdy’s childhood betrayal turned around her life for the better.
Byrdy is the proud mother of one son, who is attending college for industrial engineering. She is also CEO and Founder of REAME LLC, a real estate technology company, Melan Property Management LLC, a real estate management firm and BYRDYLYNN LLC, a private publishing company. Byrdy sists on the national IREM Foundation Board and actively volunteers with the Real Estate Associate Program. She holds a BA from the University of Texas at Arlington.
She enjoys entrepreneurship and strategizing new ways to make a positive different in people’s lives. She attends Alfred Street Baptist Church virtually and has been a member since 2013. Her greatest joy lies in seeing others become happy and self-sufficient, finding peace in their own stories.
In This Episode
Finding outlets to feel normal Rage after betrayal and trauma Giving pain a purposeLinks
Byrdy Lynn Kelley’s Website
SubscribeToDebi.com
PBT Podcasts
Healed or Hardened Quiz
Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz
PBT Institute Membership Community
Trust Again Book
From Hardened to Healed Book
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In today’s episode, Jennifer Lehr covers the relationship roadmap and how our different attachment styles impact how we show up in our relationships. Listen to learn so much about who you are and why you react and respond the way you do.
Jennifer created WeConcile to help couples get free from pain and disconnection, and to again find happiness in marriage. She spent years working on her own issues, educating herself as well as studying and training as a couples therapist.
In This Episode
How to build intimacy & trust after betrayal What is attachment theory? The relationship roadmapLinks
WeConcile’s Website
WeConcile Quiz
PBT Podcasts
Healed or Hardened Quiz
Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz
PBT Institute Membership Community
Trust Again Book
From Hardened to Healed Book
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239: A Dose of Dr. Debi: PBT Lead Coach Talks About Building Trust
In today's episode, we’re talking with one of our lead coaches from The PBT Institute, Peggy Porter, about the shattering of trust, forgiveness, reconciliation, and what it looks like to take that leap of faith to begin the process of learning how to trust again.
Peggy specializes in The PBT Community on reconciliation and forgiveness. She is an advocate and teacher in the practice of self-care, self-compassion and self-love.
Welcome to another exciting episode of A Dose of Dr. Debi!
In This Episode:
Forgiveness has so much to do with us, reconciliation has so much to do with another person Forgiving too early Rebuilding yourself How being in a community can help with rebuildingLinks
Trust Again Intensive
PBT Podcasts
Healed or Hardened Quiz
Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz
PBT Institute Membership Community
Trust Again Book
From Hardened to Healed Book
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While we’ve been taught that time heals all wounds, that’s not true when it comes to betrayal. I have proof of that. Over 50,000 people have taken the Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz and I’ve seen many, many people who have been betrayed 15, 35, 40 years ago who are still struggling to trust fully.
My name is Dr. Debi Silber, and welcome to another exciting episode of A Dose of Dr. Debi!
Today, we’re going discuss what an unhealed betrayal looks like.
In This Episode:
Most get stuck in Stage 3 out of the 5 Stages when healing from a betrayal This is what unhealed betrayals look like as it relates to your work, health, and relationships Do you want to take your unhealed betrayal forward with you?Links
PBT Podcasts
Healed or Hardened Quiz
Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz
PBT Institute Membership Community
Trust Again Book
From Hardened to Healed Book
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Sometimes, our relationships can hold us back from making crucial changes in our lives. We don’t want to outgrow them, so we end up sabotaging ourselves: whether it be through food, drugs, alcohol, reckless behavior, and the like.
My name is Dr. Debi Silber, and welcome to another exciting episode of A Dose of Dr. Debi.
Today, I’ll be discussing how you can stay connected with people who make you feel safe and comfortable while achieving personal growth and development.
In This Episode
Find out how sabotaging yourself begins Recognize self-sabotage and how it manifests Learn how to make changes that help you move forwardTranscription
Hi there, Dr. Debi here. Welcome to another Dose of Dr Debi. Today I want to talk about sabotage and I want to talk about a specific way we sabotage ourselves. This is something I see all the time. I see our members within The PBT Institute do it. I see friends do it. I see family members do it and I've done it myself. And I want to bring it up because if you know what you're doing here, you can you can make some changes that'll really help move you forward instead of keeping you stuck-it's all about moving forward instead of keeping you stuck.
So, I did two TEDx talks. The first one was about sabotage: Stop Sabotaging Yourself, and I remember seeing this so often with a lot of clients back then, and it really got me thinking about how we sabotage ourselves to prevent outgrowing a certain relationship, whether it's with a partner, with friends, with relatives with whatever. It happens so often so I want to talk about it to see if you're doing this because if you are, I want you to know about it so then you can make some changes.
What happens is, there comes a time where what used to work doesn't work anymore. What used to fit doesn't fit anymore. What used to make sense doesn't make sense anymore. It's like that little tap on the shoulder we get. It's like, “Hey, time to make some changes.” And here's where we use things like food, drugs, alcohol, work, tv, keeping busy, reckless behavior to numb, avoid and distract ourselves from that voice, from that noise. Why? We don't like change. We have it all figured out. And if all of a sudden we address that we fear, well that's going to, invite all of these questions, all these questions will invite all this change all this change will shake up everything that I've figured out already. So, we’d rather not.
Instead, what we do is, we use those things to numb avoid distract yourself. It's really funny, it's almost like (now I'm totally dating myself), but remember when you were a little kid if you're 50 and above, I guess, I don't even know maybe young people still do this, who knows. But, when I was little, if someone said something I didn't want to hear, you know, you stick your fingers in your ear and you're like; “La, la, la, I don't hear you. Well, when we use food, drugs, alcohol, work tv keeping busy, reckless behavior, that's the adult version of that same game. But, you can't very likely go into your boss's office and he or she is asking you to do something you stick your fingers in your ear, and say; “La, la, la I don’t hear you.” It really may not be the most mature thing, if you do that with your friends or your partner. So what we do is, we sort of stuff it, and we just handle it.
But then there comes a time where the voice gets louder and louder. So the stakes get bigger and bigger. So if it used to take one glass of wine, now it's taking two. If it used to take a few cookies, you're eating a whole sleeve of cookies. If it used to take one show, now you're binge watching the whole series, One shopping spree, now it's double the price, whatever it is for you. And the stakes, the stakes get bigger and bigger and bigger until and unless you do something about it. Then there's that moment where you realize, “Okay, it's time to grow, it's time to change.” What does that look like, what does that feel like? Now you're on this path, and you're exploring and you're doing new things. It's like a kid in a candy store, If you remember the first time you ventured into the personal development world or the world of spirituality or something that- it was just so new and interesting for you.
You just took to it and you just kept going and going and growing and growing. But what happens is, the people around you may not. And then you're in sort of a little bit of an odd predicament here because they haven't changed. It's not them, it's you. You're changing, we can even see this, we even see this with changes in your eating habits here you were you had your food buddy, and you and your food buddy we're having nachos and margaritas and all of a sudden you're on this healthy eating plan.
Well, two things going on with your food buddy now. They're worried, they're afraid. First of all, now they have to look at what they may or may not be doing right or may or may not be willing to do. And there's this little fear of abandonment- if you're off in this new direction where does that leave them? So there is a lot going on, but what happens is were off in this new direction and it feels good.
So for those of you who are watching we're going to explain what I'm doing with my hands. Those of you who have seen lots of my talks you've seen this over and over. So here we are, and then all of a sudden we rise (and I'm raising my hand) , both hands were level, and now I'm raising one hand so we are improving physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically spiritually, but the other person is right here, and we don't want to outgrow them. We fear; “Oh, where are my people, where are my friends, where are my partners, were my coworkers? So do you know what we do? We sabotage ourselves, (and what I did was I brought my hand right down.) And so we sabotage ourselves but you know what, we like it up here (and I raised my hand up again.) This feels good. This feels like where we want to be, but all of our people haven't changed, it's us, so we keep sabotaging ourselves so that we don't outgrow them.
But you know what happens as we go? (and I'm moving my arm up again my hand up again.) Now we're like, Well why don't they do this? (I’m raising my other hand.) Well, because that's not what they're ready for just as before you are ready you weren't ready for it. So inevitably, what happens is we do this, (I'm raising up that arm,) and the other people is here. And then we sort of get this weird dynamic where we're like; “Oh, I don't seem to resonate with you anymore” and they're looking at you like; “What the heck happened to you?”
So, what we really need to do and the way that it prevents this sabotage, (because we don't want to be alone here), we don't want to outgrow our tribe, our group, our community, whoever we've felt so comfortable and safe with. So, instead of sabotaging ourselves so that we don't outgrow them what I have found in my 30 plus years of coaching is one of the simplest ways to manage this.
You continue to do the work, don't let anything stop you, but here's what you need to do, so that you don't fear outgrowing these people. Your goal, as well as doing the work is you need to find people at this new like-minded level you're seeking. So whether that's in certain groups, certain mastermind groups, people who read the same books, that have the same hobbies, have the same interest, whatever it is, it doesn't even make a difference. The idea is, if you seek out those people as you're doing that work, and then you meet up with these new people, you don't fear the; “I don't have anybody, I feel, only a loss.” What then happens is you continue to do the work, you now are part of a group, and a community, and like-minded people that get you, that understand this unique language you speak. For example, I have an online business, and that is a completely different language for a lot of other people. So having like-minded people who understand that it's a different it's a different conversation. But what happens is when you take care of that up here, you don't fear the growth. You also take the pressure off the people here, so you can love and appreciate them for who they are and where they are. You can love when you see them and connect the way you did before. If that still resonates if not that's, that's okay too. But because you're not alone in the stratosphere here with your new ideas and new thoughts and your new everything, it's not as scary and it takes the pressure off of who you feared, leaving behind here.
For example let's take that food buddy, so here you are here was your food, buddy. You were meeting every week and, and, doing your thing, and now all of a sudden you're exploring healthy eating and this and that and you are loving it, you're learning about all these new things and meeting up with all these new people who share the same ideas about food and community. You join all these groups about healthy eating this and that, and you love it. Well you know what? Now that you have this group and it's satisfying that need, when you see this person who still was your previous food buddy, of course you want them to join you, but you don't feel the pressure that I have to sabotage myself in order to stay connected with this person. You can love and appreciate them for who they are and where they are. Now that's not to say if at some point along their journey when they're ready, when they're willing when they're able, they won't do the same thing, but that's completely on their terms.
I just found that we do sabotage ourselves so often, because we worry oh I'm going to make all these changes and what happens to that connection. Well, when we take care to make new connections, we're not just sort of headed off in this new direction without a clue of where we're headed, and at the same time, it takes pressure off of the connections that we had. Now it’s a bit different when we're talking about a romantic relationship because that's a whole different story and maybe I'll do a whole other topic on what happens when you are doing the work, to heal or just to grow physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and that person is stuck right here that's step one. That's step one. And it depends on what the need is here, is it just that you love and appreciate this person for where they are but they don't have similar interests, so you find people here, where you can? Let's say, explore new interests, that don't damage the relationship or whatever it is? That’s a whole very different experience, but something that we can take on for another day.
What I wanted to be sure I shared was it when you have that group, when you seek out these people, these like-minded soul warriors- whatever you want to call them, you don't fear the growth as much, because you have your people, it takes pressure off of the old group, and you don't feel so alone.
So I hope that I hope that helps. Out of the two TEDx talks I did, this would be more aligned with that first one what we just talked about Stop Sabotaging Yourself so if it serves, definitely watch that watch that TEDx talk.
If you haven't taken the healed or hardened quiz, you're going to want to do that because we will show you which force of nature you are, you'll know exactly out of the five Stages from betrayal to breakthrough which also resonate to just an old set of lingering beliefs that no longer serves other types of traumas, it really works for a lot of them. Take the quiz and you're going to see where you land. And of course, share the podcast with anybody who would benefit from this information so healed or harden quiz, go take the quiz and stop sabotaging yourself. I'll see you next time. Bye.
Resources Mentioned
PBT Podcasts
Healed or Hardened Quiz
TEDx talks
Stop Sabotaging Yourself
Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz
PBT Institute Membership Community
Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness
Trust Again Free Gift
healedorhardenedquiz.com
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Betrayal can run so deep that it can damage your self-worth for a very long time. For Felicia Searcy, who grew up in an abusive home, the betrayal of her family left her in emotional and social turmoil for many years. Her unresolved trauma made her feel inadequate and unlovable, to the point of depression.
In today’s insightful episode of From Betrayal to Breakthrough, Felicia discusses how she was able to rise above her story and heal from her old wounds. Drawing from her personal experiences and her expertise as a transformational coach, she is here to inspire others to turn their biggest crises into their biggest gifts.
About Guest/TopicFelicia’s purpose is her passion: to empower you to discover and express your best self as you create the life that you love. She is an award-winning transformational coach, international speaker, author, and minister who has helped thousands create a path for living their dream life.
For over 20 years, Felicia has worked with people from all walks of life who are seeking the spiritual side of success. As a highly sought-after international speaker, she has shared the stage with powerhouse leaders like International Speaker, Mary Morrissey; Founder and CEO of eWomenNetwork, Sandra Yancey; and international motivational speaker, Les Brown.
Felicia’s proven “dream activation code” helps folks just like you, accelerate your results as you create a richer, more fulfilling life.
In This Episode Who is Felicia Searcy? [0:12] What did Felicia go through? [1:52] How did Felicia’s past experiences affect her relationships? [4:51] What led Felicia to make changes in her life? [13:15] …and many more Quotes“Seeing people who really go through the darkest, most upsetting times are truly the most joyful. I believe it’s because they have the gift of perspective.” [19:31]
“When we harness everything that happened for us and we transmute it into, you know, first, forgiveness and deep compassion where forgiveness isn’t even necessary any longer and then, take it and put it in service to that which brings us most alive that’s when we’re contributing at the highest” [25:22]
“You do a spiritual by-pass when you think that you should be holy and noble. Well, what I invite you to do is that yes, you want to stay spiritual connected but don’t deny the human experience. Don’t deny the human feelings – there’s sadness, there’s anger.” [26:23]
“But I would make sure that I surrounded myself with people who can hold me compassionately but not walk down that rabbit hole of despair with me” [27:03]
Resources MentionedFelicia Searcy's Website
PBT Podcasts
Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz
PBT Institute Membership Community
Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness
Trust Again Free Gift
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A painful experience such as abuse, abandonment, or betrayal can have a profound impact on various aspects of our lives. It can leave us feeling stuck and full of self-limiting beliefs, or it can present an opportunity for growth and transformation.
Ask yourself: have your experiences left you healed...or hardened?
My name is Dr. Debi Silber, and welcome to another insightful episode of A Dose of Dr. Debi. Today, I will be discussing the healed-or-hardened spectrum, explore its possible manifestations in your life, and what you can do if you find yourself hardened.
In This Episode Understand what “hardened” and “healed” mean Discover how it looks like if you healed versus hardened Identify where you are at in your transformation journeyTranscription
Hi there, Dr. Debi here welcome to another Dose of Dr. Debi. Today's question is: Are you healed, or are you hardened?
This is a little bit of a preview of my upcoming book From Hardened to Healed: The Effortless Path to Release Resistance, Get Unstuck and Create a Life you Love. So let's start with a few definitions. According to the dictionary “hardened”, is to confirm in disposition, feelings, or actions. To be hardened to is to make callous and to toughen. So for our purposes, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're angry or bitter, it can mean that old baggage is just bogging you down. It can mean that limiting beliefs and behaviors have created beliefs that are keeping you stuck and preventing you from seeing things another way.
So how do these beliefs show up? Well, they show up in almost every area of life.
For example, you may see it in relationships, and it could look like this:
A previous belief that you’re less than, unworthy, broken, or not enough in some way has you settling for behavior you’d never tolerate if you felt better.
A previously painful experience (like abuse, abandonment, or betrayal) has you believing that it’s simply how relationships work, so you need to find a way to accept it.
A previous experience with a toxic friend, boss, or coworker has you believing there’s nothing that can be done about it, so do your best to accept the toxic behavior.
Those beliefs keep you in a painful place, and the longer you stay in that spot, the worse it gets. Please know that I’m not saying to flee the minute relationships get uncomfortable; that’s not what I’m saying at all. It’s often the discomfort that helps us grow, and it can actually take relationships to the next level of trust and intimacy. What I am saying is that the belief that there’s nothing you can do about it, or nothing better you can hope for, coupled with the resignation that prevents you from believing/saying/doing anything different, slowly hardens you.
“Healed,” on the other hand, is to make sound or whole. To make well again, to restore, and to correct.
Using the examples above, here’s how they’d look if you were healed versus hardened:
A previous belief that you’re less than, unworthy, broken, or not enough in some way had you settling for behavior you’d never tolerate if you felt better. It dawns on you that you are worthy, deserving, and lovable. You start by giving yourself all the love you may never have received in the past, so you realize how wonderful you are. From that space, you can’t help but radiate love, because that’s who you are. Since like energy attracts like energy, you can’t help but attract that same love you’ve been giving others right back to you.
A previously painful experience (like abuse, abandonment, or betrayal) had you believing that it’s simply how relationships work, so you need to find a way to accept it. You’ve done your research; you’ve done the work to heal, and you realize that “even though it was done to you, it’s not about you.” While that time in your life was intensely painful, all you’ve done to move through it has created a version of you that’s whole, healed, healthy, and transformed.
A previous experience with a toxic friend, boss, or coworker had you believing there’s nothing that can be done about it, so you do your best to accept their toxic behavior. It occurs to you that this was exactly the push you needed to either speak up or start that business you’ve been longing to start. You find your voice, and in doing so, you subtly change the rules around how people treat you. You simply don’t tolerate toxic behavior, and the more you work to grow through it, the more you realize that you’ve been personalizing their behavior when it actually has nothing to do with you. You see it so clearly, and instead of seeing through the eyes of anger, you’re compassionate, because you realize: “Hurt people, hurt people.” It doesn’t excuse the behavior; you’re still not tolerating it, but you see where it’s coming from, and it doesn’t hurt you anymore.
Where have your experiences left you? Not sure? No worries, that’s what my newest book: From Hardened to Healed is all about. See, nothing is wrong or a problem unless it’s preventing you from being, doing, or having what you want.
So often, we consider ourselves healed from various types of crises such as heartbreak or devastation of some kind (i.e., abuse, neglect, financial crisis, divorce, death of a loved one, disease, a tragic accident, or betrayal). We believe we’ve healed because time has passed, or because those people are no longer in our lives. While removing those people from our lives can help (such as in the case of a toxic relationship), that doesn’t mean that they still don’t have a toxic hold on your mind and heart.
Join me because I'm going to be unpacking all of this, during a book launch party for my new book from Healed to Hardened on October 5, from 12 to 2pm Eastern time so you can see for yourself, for yourself, if you're healed, or if your experiences have left you hardened. The good news is you can heal from all of it. So to join me at this book launch party, click here.
You're going to want to RSVP. And when you read that page you're going to see, you can become eligible for all kinds of really fun prizes.
There is no reason to stay stuck. The good news is, you can heal from all of it. Your experiences have created the incentive the motivation and all you need to move in the direction towards the, the health, the body, the lifestyle, the life you want and I'm here to help you however I can.
Join me for the book party here. I can't wait to see you there. Please share this with anybody who's stuck, that person who says: “That's just the way it is. This is as good as it gets.” I'm talking to that person. That's who needs this book, and who can benefit from this book party. Thanks so much and I'll see you then.
Resources Mentioned
Book Launch Party!
PBT Podcasts
Post Betrayal Syndrome QuizPBT Institute Membership Community
Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness
Trust Again Free Gift
