Afgespeeld
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This talk is a continuation of Talk 76: “Speak Less to Your Children, and More to God About Your Children!” Many Orthodox parents have a tendency not to ask for help when experiencing problems with their young and adult children. This may be either out of pride or because they simply do not realize that such help is available within the Church.
In this talk, Father Kosmas uses the teachings of various saints and elders to outline three ways in which parents can receive help with their children. The first is for parents to pray for their children. The second is for parents to ask clergy and monastics for prayers and advice. The third way is for parents to submit their children’s names for commemoration at 40 consecutive Divine Liturgies – usually at monasteries that serve Divine Liturgy every day.
The following questions are also discussed: how should parents react upon realizing their mistakes with their children? Why do many religious parents experience failure with their children? Why do many saints and elders emphasise the importance of a mother’s prayers? Why is it important for parents to keep in mind their children’s salvation when dealing with their problems? Should parents pray for God to send suffering to their rebellious children? Why do some struggling parents progress spiritually while others deteriorate? What can parents do when their children leave home prematurely?
Other points covered in this talk include: how God will judge today’s children leniently because of their difficult circumstances; Saint Ambrose of Optina’s advice to a mother whose son had become rebellious and an unbeliever; why only some monastics can give advice to parents; how Saint Paisios warned parents against being overanxious about their children; how parents should not coerce their children to do good; the story of a young man who complained to a priest that he wanted to fall with a woman but continually failed; and how Saint Porphyrios helped a mother whose son was staying out all night with bad company.
Duration: 4hrs
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Wherever one turns, one hears parents complaining and seeking advice about problems with their children—problems with their behaviour, their education, their mental health, and their faith. These problems usually begin in early childhood and increase during the teenage years, but they can also occur in adulthood. Parents find it difficult to deal with their children’s weaknesses, faults, and passions, and are at a loss for when and how to discipline their children.
In this talk Father Kosmas uses the teachings of various saints and elders to help parents navigate their most difficult task: the upbringing of children. He emphasizes that it is a great mistake for parents to seek advice either from no one or from people who have limited knowledge on this topic. Instead, they should turn to those who, enlightened by God, can give them the correct answers to the age-old question: how do we bring up our children? Father Kosmas also explains how it is that parents can know in theory much of what the saints and elders teach on raising children, yet continually fail to put these teachings into practice.
The following questions are also discussed: how do parents create monsters? What is the best way for parents to correct their children’s weaknesses and faults? Why is it wrong to expect perfection from children? Why did one spiritual father penance parents who complained about their children? How did the saints advise parents to reprimand their children? How do parents determine which of their children’s behaviours need correction and which do not? How did the saints explain why children become indifferent and unfeeling? Apart from prayer, what else is necessary in the upbringing of children? What should parents do when their children rebel? Should parents force their children to go to church?
Other points covered in this talk include: how parents who idolize their children damage them for life; parents who, blinded by irrational love and affection, refuse to see their children’s faults; why the first seven years of a child’s life are important for their future development; examples of mothers who were reluctant to discipline their children for fear of losing their favour; the importance of speaking the truth to one’s children; an explanation of Saint Porphyrios’ saying, “Words hammer at the ears”; and what parents should do before speaking to their children.
Duration: 4hrs
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Psychologists and doctors believe that the causes of mental and physical illnesses can be divided into three categories: 1. genetic factors (heredity); 2. prenatal factors (adverse events during pregnancy); 3. environmental factors after birth, including upbringing. The Orthodox Church has always known this but adds something even more important: the spiritual state of the parents before, during and after pregnancy and the child’s spiritual development. The Church has always emphasized the importance of giving children plenty of love, affection, guidance and attention to ensure their bodily, mental and spiritual health.
In this talk Father Kosmas uses the teachings of the contemporary elders Saints Paisios and Porphyrios to explain how important it is for children to feel love, acceptance, and affection from their parents. In this way they develop strength of character and grow strong in body, mind and soul.
The following questions are also discussed: why do some children of religious parents turn out well while others rebel? Why do children brought up in the same family turn out so differently? Why did St Porphyrios emphasize the importance of love, harmony and understanding between parents for the successful upbringing of children? Is there any hope for people whose parents made many mistakes during their upbringing? What should parents do upon realizing that they made serious mistakes in the upbringing of their children? Is there a link between minimal breastfeeding and anxiety and addiction?
Other points covered in this talk include: how a number of people are afraid to marry and have children because of the world’s many problems; a mother’s realization of how her marital problems during pregnancy affected her child’s psychological and emotional state; how breastfed children are less likely to develop ADHD and more likely to succeed in life; and the necessity of forming an emotional bond with one’s children in order to have a healthy relationship with them that lasts into adulthood.
Duration: 3hrs 47mins
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For centuries the upbringing of children has been a topic of great concern for parents—a concern that is on the rise due to the negative influences of society and a minimal understanding by parents today of this most important task. Instead of turning to the Church for guidance, all too often Orthodox Christians look to psychologists, teachers, doctors, and the media. How are we to overcome this lack of understanding?
In this talk Father Kosmas uses the teachings of the contemporary elders Saints Paisios and Porphyrios to help parents with the challenges of raising children. These saints emphasize how an improper upbringing results in serious, long-term psychological problems and they give valuable advice on how to raise children that are psychologically and spiritually healthy.
The following questions are also discussed: who is more responsible for raising children—the father or the mother? What does Saint Paisios say about breastfeeding? Does the spiritual life of the parents affect the unborn child? What effect do harsh discipline and excessive reprimands have on children? Who is to blame when a child is disobedient and badly behaved? Why do many children develop a long-term aversion towards their parents? Why does Saint Porphyrios blame Christian parents for their adult children’s problems? Why did a married man become very sick each time he had contact with his parents?
Other points covered in this talk include: Saint Paisios’ view on working mothers; how parents must give their children as much time as possible; Saint Porphyrios’ explanation of how a child’s psychological state affects his relationships with others in adulthood; an explanation of why children and teenagers prefer to spend time in their rooms alone; how parents tend to blame others for their children’s behavioral and mental problems; why many adults avoid their parents, sometimes even secretly wishing their death; and Saint Porphyrios’ fearful explanation of why the souls of many children and adults are in constant danger of collapsing.
Duration: 3hrs 31mins
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Sexual relations are one of the most common areas of conflict in marriage, even for Orthodox Christians, and the resulting problems can even lead to divorce. Yet many in the Orthodox Church avoid any discussion of sexual relations, thinking they have nothing to do with the spiritual life. What they fail to realize is that the reverse is true: the Holy Fathers, elders, Holy Scripture and the canons of the Orthodox Church consider this topic extremely important, and offer the faithful a wealth of information and guidance. Being ignorant of this, in a desperate attempt to save their marriages many seek help from those who virtually always give advice contrary to God’s law.
In this talk Father Kosmas uses the Holy Scriptures, the canons, and the teachings of various saints and contemporary elders to answer many questions that Orthodox Christians have concerning sexual relations in marriage. He especially emphasizes that abstinence from sexual relations, whether for spiritual or other reasons, often leads to many serious problems, even adultery and divorce. In particular, Saint Paul states that undiscerning abstinence during fasting periods, instead of bringing benefit, can become a source of temptation.
The following questions are also discussed: why is it said that ‘Hell is full of proud people who have lived in virginity’? What days should a married couple abstain from sexual relations? How should couples fast and abstain from sexual relations when preparing for Holy Communion? Why were the Holy Fathers so concerned about married couples that abstained from relations for long periods of time? Breaking the food fast or breaking the marital fast: which does the Church consider more serious? In what ways can married people surpass the virtues of monastics?
Other points covered in this talk include: the great need for spouses to discuss and be considerate of each other’s sexual needs and weaknesses; Elder Paisios’ surprising attitude toward strict spiritual fathers; how the holy canons give a married couple (and not the spiritual father) the right to ‘judge for themselves’ with regard to sexual abstinence; Elder Paisios’ advice to couples when one spouse has a more moderate level of sexual desire than the other; how the Church penances those who fail to abstain from marital relations on fast days; and the urgent need for books and preaching on the topic of marriage.
Duration: 4hrs
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