Afgespeeld
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Is it the challenge of lifelong abstinence that keeps so many people from addressing problem drinking? In this week's episode, I talk to Dr. Adi Jaffe, author of The Abstinence Myth, about his theory that quitting doesn't always have to be forever.
It's a controversial stance, and one that pivots on the fact that when you have a problem with alcohol, alcohol isn't the problem. Rather than demonize the booze, Adi's approach is to focus on addressing whatever a person is medicating (with alcohol and other drugs)—the theory being that problematic drinking will be eradicated along with these underlying problems. A former habitual drug user himself, and now "regular social drinker," in this episode Adi and I also discuss:
-His personal history with drug abuse, and what led to him getting hooked
-The four factors that influence the way we use substances: biology, psychology, location, and spirituality
-Why only you can take responsibility for the way you are drinking
-Finding your purpose as a key to sustainable “recovery”
-Sitting in the discomfort to get clear about what needs to change in your life
-Honesty and radical self-acceptance as the cornerstone of maintaining a healthy relationship with alcohol
Follow Adi on Instagram and learn more his work at www.igntd.com. You can also hear him speak, along with over 20 leading names in the wellness space, at IGNTD Glow—a 3-day holistic recovery event in Los Angeles, October 18-20 2019.
This episode was created in partnership with Grüvi—get 20% off all online orders with the code Ruby20 at www.getgruvi.com
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When spiritual teacher Biet Simkin and I created "sober curious" event series Club SÖDA NYC, our goal was to extend the invitation of sobriety beyond 12-step or recovery circles to anybody questioning their relationship to booze. Three years later, these events have played a pivotal role in helping shift thinking about drinking—as noted in a 2019 write-up in the NY Times on "The New Sobriety"!
Now nearly 11 years clean from alcohol, cocaine, and heroin abuse, in this episode Biet shares the story of the "awakening" that led to her getting sober, as well as some signature rock 'n' roll teachings and insights from her new book, Don't Just Sit There! In this conversation, which contains STRONG language and a few trigger warnings (beware!) we also discuss:
-The lies we are telling ourselves when we're numbing with drugs & alcohol
-Why not drinking is a shocking and rebellious act
-Why tragedy and loss can be calls to a personal awakening
-Why it is impossible to shut down the "negative" parts of being human, and how to accept them
-Why doing cocaine off toilets with celebrities is NOT a sign that you have "made it"
Discover more about Biet Simkin and her work HERE, follow her on Instagram, and get a copy of her book HERE. You can also check out a video playback from our last Club SÖDA NYC event, titled Psychedelics & Sobriety, HERE.
This episode was created in partnership with DRY Sparkling.
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In the final episode of Season One, Ruby talks to long-time friend and collaborator Sah D'Simone, a meditation coach and spiritual teacher, about his own sober awakening, and how living substance-free can help us align with who we truly are.
Sah begins by sharing his own history with substances and how this was interwoven with his experiences as an immigrant to the US and then career as a magazine editor in NYC. As well as his subsequent awakening and journey of self-discovery studying with spiritual masters across the globe, in this interview we also discuss:
The impact of alcohol on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level
How Buddhist philosophy mirrors the Sober Curious approach
Sah's experiences of dating sober on the LGBTQIA scene
What it means to live in alignment with what he calls the "spiritual heart"
Ways to manage anxiety and cultivate more positivity in your life.
You can learn more about Sah and his work HERE and follow him on Instagram @sahdsimone.
This episode was created in partnership with Athletic Brewing Co.
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Holly Whitaker has been a pioneering voice in addiction and recovery since the launch of her Hip Sobriety platform in 2014, which recently relaunched as online sobriety school Tempest. In this wide-ranging conversation, Holly and Ruby get into the nuances that exist on the subject of grey area drinking—and where the "sober" and "sober curious" communities both differ and overlap.
As well as her opinion that "there is no such thing as an alcoholic" (and her super progressive thinking on this), Holly shares deep insights from her work at the leading edge of the sober revolution. In this episode, she and Ruby also discuss:
-Holly's views on the "The New Sobriety"—and why more people quitting booze is so much more than a lifestyle trend
-How the capitalist credo of seeking happiness outside of ourselves is what begets addiction
-Why AA was a "non-starter" for Holly, due to its patriarchal programming
-Her definition of "problem" drinking (clue: it's as soon as alcohol presents as a problem in your life)
-Holly's tips and advice on how to socialize, switch-off, and date as a non-drinker
Holly is also founder of media platform The Temper. You can learn more about her online sobriety school Tempest HERE and follow her on Instagram @holly.
*This episode was created in partnership with DRY Sparkling
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With Kin Euphorics, Jen Batchelor and co-founder Matt Cauble, have created a whole new category in sophisticated, alcohol-free drinking. A visionary in the modern wellness space, in this super insightful conversation, Jen shares her thoughts on the future of booze—and unpacks the wider mission of Kin: to help address the loneliness epidemic that is an all-pervasive hallmark of modern, city life.
After all, most of us drink as a way to connect with others socially—and so removing alcohol can often lead to periods of social isolation as we find new ways to relax and unwind, and new people to socialize with. In this episode, Ruby and Jen also discuss:
-Why talking about the future of booze means talking about the future of mental health
-The neurological reason alcohol makes us more stressed and less creative
-The root of the word "euphoria" as it relates to our wellbeing
-The role of sober curiosity in the gig economy
-Why connecting with each other sober creates true connection and community
Learn more about Kin and their offerings at Kineuphorics.com
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In Western society, "party" is also a verb—meaning "to get wasted." In this episode, I unpack how I believe we came to associate parties with drinking, and address the concerns of non-drinkers who want to feel like part of it—without feeling pressured to get out of it.
Summer is the time of picnics, weddings, and vacations, and often of them all awash with alcohol. But being Sober Curious doesn't have to mean the end of your social life. Set against a backdrop of a sober visit to the Movement techno festival in Detroit, in this episode I discuss:
-Why parties, concerts, and nightclubs are often just excuses to get wasted
-The real reason we sometimes have an emotional hangover after a night out
-What I discovered when I started going to music festivals sober
-Bringing something to the party that's not a bottle (as well as your own AF drinks)
-Using music alone to "pre-game" and get you in the party mood!
This episode is also supported by Rock Grace, a new alcohol-free rosé wine alternative with added wellbeing benefits. Discover more and get high on your own supply at Rockgrace.com
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This episode features Ruby in conversation with mindset coach and pleasure revolutionary Africa Brooke, about the role of alcohol in our relationships to sex and pleasure. Africa has been sober almost 3 years, having been a "blackout" drunk since she started drinking in her teens—and in this interview she shares how using booze to facilitate casual sex was a way to cancel her internalized shame and guilt about her sexual desires.
She believes this taps into a wider issue about our cultural conditioning around "pleasure," and what it means to be a modern, emancipated woman. In this interview, Ruby and Africa also discuss:
-The appeal of the "party girl" persona as a way to get external validation
-Alcohol abuse as a form of self-sabotage
-Why AA didn't work for her, and the turning point in her getting sober
-The importance—and loneliness—of embracing your individuality
-Why the best relationships are based on honesty and authenticity
-New research about women who drink being perceived as being more sexually available
To learn more about Africa and her coaching work visit Discoverydive.net, join her mission to make shameless pleasure a priority at Thecherryrevolution.com, and follow her on Instagram @africabrooke
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Yves Mathieu East is a true "influencer." Going by the Instagram handle @the_yvesdropper, the model and musician has worked with brands from Kenneth Cole to US Vogue, and uses his personal platform primarily to advocate for racial and LGBTQ+ rights. He is also a proud foster pop to pit bulls coming out of shelters and being rehabilitated into society—and spends each and every Monday playing Bingo with seniors in NYC!
As an openly sober person, Yves is also a champion for sober-positivity, and in this super-raw conversation he shares the details of his journey with substances—as well as how his subsequent sobriety has been integral to his passion for giving a voice to those whose stories so often gone unseen, particularly trans women of color.
In this episode, Ruby and Yves also discuss:
-How addictions are often rooted in a lack of self-worth
-The formative experiences that shape our behavior as young adults
-How addicts are often dehumanized in the eyes of society
-How our most difficult experiences can help us to help others
-The role of self-love in living a sober life
-Being a sober person in the fashion + music industries
Follow Yves on Instagram @the_yvesdropper and check out his current collaboration with Kidd Bell—of which 10% of proceeds go to Hair On Purpose, an organization that works to empower back girls and foster self-love through hair, beauty, and health education.
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The second volume of Moby's memoirs, Then It Fell Apart, begins with the musician and animal rights activist charting the unexpected and phenomenal success of his 1999 album, Play. We go on to witness his rapid addiction to the rush of overnight mega-stardom, and the hedonistic lifestyle that comes along with it.
A classic tale of sex, drugs, more sex, more drugs, and some rock 'n' roll, his story is interwoven with snapshots of a lonely, unstable childhood and adolescence, providing context for his desperate need for love and validation. The result is a no-holes-barred portrait of an epic rock bottom, which also illustrates in lurid detail the ways our past will catch up with our present, no matter how hard and fast we try to escape it.
As well as Moby's subsequent sobriety and spiritual awakening, in this episode we also discuss:
-Addiction as a response to the human condition
-Sobriety as a bi-product of the raising of consciousness
-Figuring out how to be human in a sustainable way
-The value of evidence-based thinking when it comes to getting sober
-Our collective addictions to meat and to money
-The balm of seeking divinity in the day-to-day
100% of the proceeds from Moby's twin memoirs, Porcelain and Then It Fell Apart, will be donated to animal rights organizations. For a full list of book-related events, readings, and signings, visit Moby.com
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In this first episode, I talk about how I came to get so very curious about our relationship to alcohol - while looking at what exactly this substance does for us that we find so seductive. Besides the fact it's one of the 5 most addictive substances on the planet (up there with heroin, cocaine, nicotine, and amphetamines) - and and it being heavily marketed at us from every direction, that is.
I also set out my BIG MISSION for spearheading this Sober Curious conversation, and inviting anybody and everybody, regardless of whether you have a drinking "problem" to reexamine the way we drink and think about drink: CHOICE.
Growing up in a society where we have what I call a "dominant drinking culture," whether or not we become a drinker often does not feel like a choice - and my goal is to make it as normal NOT to drink as it is TO drink, by removing the stigma that exists around conversations about sobriety and addiction.
For the full story, check out my new book, Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection, Awaiting Us All On The Other Side of Alcohol.
