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It's one thing to get advice on how to parent, it's another to have independent studies that give real evidence on how well one approach works rather than another.
Navigating the ups and downs of the teenage years - The book discusses how the teenage years are not just constant "storms and stress" but have complex weather patterns with both positive and negative aspects.Supporting teenagers' identity exploration - The book advises letting teenagers experiment with different identities and not labeling them, to allow them room to continue developing.Facilitating healthy friendships and relationships - The discussion covers how parents can support their teenager's friendships, even if they don't approve of all their friends, and have conversations about healthy romantic relationships.Talking to teens about sex and sexuality - The book emphasizes the importance of parents proactively discussing sex, sexuality, and porn with teenagers, rather than leaving it to schools or the media.Maintaining self-care as a parent - The book stresses that parents taking care of their own needs and well-being is crucial for supporting their teenager's well-being.
Faced with raising two young kids in a COVID lockdown, social scientist and skilled researcher Matilda Gosling looked for a book that gave her advice that was based on sound evidence. She discovered that such a book didn't exist, so set out to write it.
Described by investigative journalist Hannah Barnes as 'A rare entity: a parenting book that is accessible, well evidenced, practical, gritty and not hectoring. In short, one that is genuinely helpful.' I knew we all needed to hear about what Matilda had found.
THE BOOK
Teenagers: The Evidence Base, weaves together insights from fields including social and experimental psychology, neuroscience, family systems and adolescent development.
CONTACTING MATILDA:
https://www.matildagosling.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/matilda-gosling-11a95521/?originalSubdomain=uk
https://matildagosling.substack.com/
In the interview we cover:Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
This is Community Catch-Up: Your bonus episode
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/
BOOKS MENTIONED:
Of Boys and Men by Richard Reeves
10-25: The Science of Motivating Younge People - David YeagerThe Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and more - Elaine Taylor-Klaus
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/108-how-to-support-struggling-complex-kids/Ken Rabow on Failure to Launch:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/failure-to-launch-what-we-can-learn-from-struggling-young-adults-about-how-to-help-our-teens/Manners:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/manners-parenting-to-help-teens-succeed-in-life-by-teaching-the-importance-of-good-manners/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/empty-nest-how-to-cope-when-your-teen-moves-out-also-manners-what-are-they-and-what-should-we-te/The Disengaged Teen - Jenny Anderson and Rebecca Winthrop
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/122-how-to-get-our-teens-to-love-learning-and-why-parents-are-the-missing-piece-of-the-puzzleSupport the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
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Stress can be a major problem for parents who're constantly juggling tasks and responsibilities. The mental load can feel overwhelming at times and the list literally never ending. So when I discovered Sam Kelly has a brilliant way to:
Teach kids the "big three" daily tasks to build cleaning skills.Guide kids on how to "notice" what needs to be done around the house.Have "cycle breaking conversations" with kids about gender equity and mental load.Try the "notice and grab" approach when grocery shopping with kids.
โ Avoid burnout.
โ Have a happier home life.
โ Help our kids to be successful in life.
โ Avoid nagging.
โ Break the old stereotypes cycle.
I had to get her on the show. A mother and feminist coach, Sam is teaching parents how to share the mental load with the whole family and increase our kid's chances of having a happy life at the same time.
She summed up what I've been struggling with my entire adult life: the fact that if we don't learn household skills at home it's way harder to develop them as adults when we have busy lives, careers, and our own family.
Some of Sam's key suggestions are:You can find Sam on Instagram at:
https://www.instagram.com/samkelly_world/
And her own website at:
https://hellosamkelly.com/Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
We parents are deluding ourselves about how much our kids enjoy school, according to research for the book The Disengaged Teen. In survey responses 65% of parents thought their 10th grade kid loved school, whilst only 26% of 10th graders actually said they did.
A lot of educators admit that things go wrong in the teen years, and many fine minds are trying to work on ways to tackle the problem. In the meantime huge numbers of teens spend most of their time disengaged. Some take a lacklustre approach, doing the bare minimum, some work hard but never really think about the path they're on, others simply check out by disrupting the class or refusing to turn up.
The result is a high boredom high stress environment, but in this amazing book Dr Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson explain that we parents have a immense power to influence our kids' engagement.
Drawing on sciencific studies, and research with thousands of parents and educators, they have come up with an easy to understand framwork and language for us to use with our own kids both in and beyond the classroom.
LEARNING MODES:
Resister. When kids resist, they struggle silently with profound feelings of inadequacy or invisibility, which they communicate by ignoring homework, playing sick, skipping class, or acting out.Passenger. When kids coast along, consistently doing the bare minimum and complaining that classes are pointless. They need help connecting school to their skills, interests, or learning needs.
Achiever. When kids show up, do the work, and get consistently high grades, their self-worth can become tied to high performance. Their disengagement is invisible, fueling a fear of failure and putting them at risk for mental health challenges.
Explorer. When kids are driven by internal curiosity rather than just external expectations, they investigate the questions they care about and persist to achieve their goals.
THE BOOK:
The Disengaged Teen by Dr Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson
Dr Rebecca Winthrop
https://www.linkedin.com/in/rebecca-winthrop-b36b0617/Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
There are siblings who love spending time with each other as often as possible, some tolerate it once or twice a year, and there are others who would rather eat glass than have to speak to each other.
Why? What happens to their relationship? Is there something we parents can be doing to set our kids to be the ones who love and support each other as we age and after we die.
When one listener asked for a deep dive on siblings who donโt talk to each other later in life it came at the same time as another, Helen, who said she'd noticed lots of her female friends are struggling in their relationships with their sisters.
In this episode I talk with Susie about the factors in our own family setups that affect sibling relationships long term and whether there's a secret to making sure your kids donโt hate each other some day. We also try to help Helen with some ideas about how she can ameliorate her own situation with her sister.
BOOK:
Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/343433834_Sibling_Relationships_in_Adulthood_Research_Findings_and_New_Frontiers
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7399693/Findings
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2006-04983-006Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
MAKING RESOLUTIONS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/70-new-years-resolutions-love-them-or-loathe-them-the-question-is-how-can-we-make-them-work-for-u/
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Be-the-person-you-want-to-be-not-the-person-others-think-you-should-be/
PARENTING STRESS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/109-parenting-stress-is-now-a-major-health-issue
TOO MANY CHOICES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/concentration-and-the-troubling-effect-of-too-many-choices/
NAGGING: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/nagging-reducing-the-friction-using-the-magic-of-routine/
10-25: The Science of Motivating Young People by David Yeager
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/
The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids by Elaine Taylor-Klaus
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/108-how-to-support-struggling-complex-kids/
Sexism and Sensibility by Jo Ann Finkelstein
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/116-girls-beauty-standards-entitlement-and-misogyny/
When Girls Fall Out by Andrew Hampton
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/
Hold on to Your Kids by Dr Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate
Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt
Failing our Future by Joshua Eyler
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/104-how-grades-harm-students-and-what-we-parents-can-do-about-it/
Exam Nation by Sammy Wright
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/102-why-our-obsession-with-grades-fails-everyone-an-interview-with-exam-nation-author-sammy-wright/
Of Boys and Men by Richard V Reeves
Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax.MOST DOWNLOADED EPISODES OF 2024:
80: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/79-taking-things-personally-coping-with-adversity-teen-love-and-changing-our-minds-when-we-get-ne/110: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/
77: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/standards-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/
88: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/nagging-reducing-the-friction-using-the-magic-of-routine/
93: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/screen-time-for-tweens-and-teens-the-latest-on-what-works-and-what-doesnt/
Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
Connection is at the root of human happiness, but staying connected through the turbulent teens and keeping family traditions and gatherings positive can be a challenge.
Incorporate traditions or rituals that mark transitions and changes in your relationship with your teenagers, like a special one-on-one trip or creating a photo book.Communicate openly about the changing nature of your relationship with teenagers and reassure them that you are still a safe space for them to share their thoughts and feelings.Be open and clear about how they can tell you anything and you will not tell a soul, to encourage trust and a sense that they can open up to you.
In this episode we help Helen with her question about how to stay connected with her daughter who's on the brink of becoming a teenager.
We also talk about hosting gatherings, drawing on advice from the expert, Priya Parker. How to put nutrients back into our family earth; avoid straying into topics that cause problems, move away from stale family tropes, and create an atmosphere that sets us up for positive connection.
Help for Helen:Episode 2 covers how to stay connected
Focus on being proactive and setting the tone for gatherings by approaching them with positivity and an intention to connect, rather than just trying to get through them.Be intentional about creating spaces and activities that bring your family together, such as having everyone bring a game to play.Identify and highlight the unique quirks or interests of family members to spark engaging conversations and connect on a more personal level.Deputize unexpected guests or assign roles to family members to mix up the group dynamics and prevent the same people from dominating conversations.Channel any argumentative or competitive energy into structured activities or games that allow for healthy expression and bonding.Seed new conversation topics that encourage sharing stories and personal experiences rather than just opinions, such as asking about the best new food tried or songs discovered.
Episode 3 how to talk so theyโll listen
Episode 13 is great ways to spend time with your teen
Episode 41 covers conflict resolution
Family parties without the fireworks:
Episode 70: Giving presents. Is your teenager ungrateful?
Episode 69: Festivities or fights?Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
In a recent column in The Times, Caitlin Moran wrote about how five young men in her social circle have taken their lives in the past 18 months.
She's not alone. My daughter has experienced this, as has Benedicte's son, the listener who contacted me to suggest I cover it in an episode.
In the UK, the leading cause of death for men under the age of 50 is suicide, and the statistics in the US are even worse. Boys are particularly vulnerable, and we know that there's the risk of social contagion if we're not careful about how we discuss it.
So how do we talk to kids who've been impacted by this devastating loss? Dr Steven Kariaskos is deeply involved in suicide prevention and support and gives some excellent tips for us parents.
RESOURCES:
https://www.copingaftersuicide.com/support-groups
https://afsp.org/
https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp
https://samaritanshope.org/blog/suicide-grief-101/Facilities in which Dr Steven Kariaskos is involved:
The Kita Center in Maine: https://www.thekitacenter.org/
This bereavement and mental health center supports individuals impacted by suicide loss. Camp Kita, a free summer camp for young people ages 8-17 who have experienced a loss. We are also expanding our offerings to include weekend retreats, such as a Family Retreat for families navigating a loss and a retreat for Twentysomethings who have lost a loved one to suicide. โPreventing suicide by building intentional environments to foster connection and a lifelong engagement with mental health.โCoping After Suicide Peer Support Groups: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time/support-groups-people-bereaved-suicide/
New groups begin in January, and additional specialized groups are available based on specific losses or identities (such as groups for mothers, siblings, and men).Talking OutLOUD - Teens & Suicide Loss, A Conversation:
https://www.rethinktheconversation.org/talking-outloud
Award-winning documentary featuring a teen-led discussion about suicide loss.Elpis Consulting, Coaching, and Community Building:
https://www.elpis-consult.com/
Cultivating restorative communities rooted in hope and well-being. I collaborate with schools and organizations globally, supporting programs that foster organizational health, community well-being, and individual thriving. Elpis means โHopeโ in Greek, reflecting the core ofSupport the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
So many of us bemoan the loss of a village, but do we really know what we mean by that?
Being in a village or community requires us to give as well as take; often not on our own terms. It also means that we have to brush shoulders with people who might have radically different viewpoints from us on things like politics or religion.
Many of us have got used to our busy, overscheduled lives, and don't have time to offer what's needed to create community, whilst complaining about its absence.
When we think about community it's easy to desire the positives, whilst forgetting that a lot of selfless contribution goes on behind the scenes in order for it to function.
Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
Encouraging our kids to make the most of themselves is a vital job for parents, but how do we talk with girls about the barriers they face? From the subtle expectation that girls and women be humble to the not so subtle focus on their worth based on body parts and beauty, we parents are left with a tricky path to tread.
Girls posting bikini shots on social media: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/bikini-photos-why-are-girls-posting-bikini-pics-and-what-should-we-say-about-them/Girl friendships: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/Negotiating allowances: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/money-giving-teens-and-tweens-an-allowance-two-years-on-my-daughter-talks-about-how-its-impacted/Eldest daughter syndrome: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/eldest-daughter-syndrome-and-the-trouble-with-parentification/Friendship groups: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/friendship-girls-and-toxic-groups-also-resilience-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-g/
We want to encourage our girls to be bold, and try to achieve their dreams, but how do we do that without being honest about the pitfalls of being ambitious, and the misogynistic reactions they will face as they navigate the world?
Jo-Ann Finkelstein's book, Sexism and Sensibilty: Raising Empowered, Resilient Girls in the Modern World, has been described by Lisa D'Amour as required reading for anyone who is raising, educating, or caring for girls.
In this interview, Finkelstein discusses the challenges girls face, such as internalizing sexism and the pressure to conform to beauty standards. She highlights the need for us parents to open about the challenges girls face so they learn to understand their worth beyond appearance.
She has some great tips on how to help boys and girls notice the subtle signals and explains how we parents can help them by moving away from comments about their bodies and emphasising their other qualities.
Another great tip is to encourage discussion around the dinner table and give girls time and respect when they want to make a point, since men interrupt women 33% more then they interrupt other men.
COMPATIBLE EPISODES:Jo-Ann Finkelstein, is an advisory board member of the nonprofit, SSAIS, which has teen resource to empower youth to address SH/SA through peer education and advocacy. Jo-Ann has a toolkit on this page: https://stopsexualassaultinschools.org/toolkits/, and SASH Club is described here: https://stopsexualassaultinschools.org/sash-club/ and on its own website at the previous link. Lookin
Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
The suicide of a young man at Oxford University has prompted a warning letter to the UK Government about 'cancel culture' on campus. The review into his death 'identified evidence of a concerning practice of social ostracism among students, often referred to as a cancel culture,' according the coroner.
'[The review's] evidence was that this behaviour, where individuals are isolated and excluded from social groups based on allegations or perceptions of wrongdoing, poses a significant risk to student mental health and well-being.'
I brought Susie in to talk about where cancel culture has come from, why it's become popular, and how we parents can help our kids be a force for good.
PODCAST ON DEI :
Conflict resolution skills: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/conflict-resolution-skills-can-deepen-your-relationship-with-your-teen-heres-how/Consequnces: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/32-rules-consequences-and-the-teen-who-doesnt-seem-to-care/
This Isn't Working by Tanya de Grunwald
FICTION BOOK:
The Outcast - Sadie Jones
EPISODES:BLOG about consequences:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/Seven Ideas to Reduce Cancel Culture in Yourself or Your Students and Build Resilience from https://growingleaders.com/the-correlation-between-cancel-culture-and-resilience-in-students/:
Do not react on impulse. Think first. Give yourself a day to reflect.Practice the 101% Principle. Find the 1% you agree on and give it 100% of your attention. Listen before you speak. Recover the art of really hearing from the other side. Phone a friend. Donโt respond in a vacuum. Include othersโ perspectives before acting.Apologize when and where youโre wrong. This goes a long way in fostering relationships. Forgive when appropriate. To make a mistake is human; to forgive is divine.Build a bridge where thereโs a wall. Find a way to connect with the opposing side.https://comment.org/why-we-cancel/
https://www.depts.ttu.edu/rise/Blog/cancelculture.php
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/375520893_Cancelled_Exploring_the_Phenomenon_of_Cancel_Culture
https://www.thetimes.com/uk/education/article/oxford-student-took-own-life-after-ostracism-over-sexual-encounter-cjx389t5r
https://www.mindingthecampus.org/2024/08/27/the-dangerous-evolution-of-cancel-culture/
https://www.mindingthecampus.org/2024/08/27/the-dangerous-evolution-of-cancel-culture/
https://medium.com/@julesdixon/ostracism-social-exclusion-in-adulthood-8764ea1a4003
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Pl_86DNyN4ciceroSupport the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
Friendships, and fitting, in are everything to teenagers. You could argue that understanding the dynamics, and supporting our kids through the turmoil of the teen years, is one of the best things we parents can do.
Former Headteacher of 18 years, Andrew Hampton FRSA, is no stranger to the issue. He's not only raised two girls he's also had to deal with the fall-out in school when friendships go wrong.
Having set up the organisation, Girls On Board, which aims to educate teachers about the issues girls face, he - like me - is keenly aware that you can't tackle girl issues without also paying attention to what's happening with boys.
He has now turned his attention to Working With Boys and tackling the issue of rape culture in schools; what stage it sets in, why it develops and how we parents can provide a decent working model for our kids to follow.
Andrew Hampton FRSA
[email protected]
https://www.girlsonboard.co.uk
https://andrewhampton.net
BOOKS:
When Girls Fall Out
Working With BoysSupport the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
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If we genuinely think about how many of us are emotionally mature before we become parents the number is probably pretty low. The act of caring for someone else, and having to manage our own feelings, can be incredibly challenging, particularly when we were raised by parents who were immature themselves.
Being able to spot the difference between being emotionally immature, and the normal pressures of parenting, can be really helpful. We all have outbursts at times; we're human. The most important test is how we deal with getting it wrong by apologising and taking accountability. The mutual empathy this creates is at the root of building strong relationships.
Definition of emotional maturity on Healthline:An emotionally mature person manages their emotions well even in difficult situations, takes accountability, is okay with being vulnerable, and shows empathy to others.
THE BOOK REFERENCED THROUGHOUT:
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay GibsonTYPES:
1: The emotional parent. Ruled by their feelings, often swinging wildly between being over-involved and completely withdrawing from their children's lives.
2: The Driven parent. This personality type is obsessively goal-oriented and perpetually busy. They are on a constant quest for perfection, which includes even their children.
3: The Passive parent. Theyโre more laissez-faire and often willingly take a back seat to a more dominant partner. This can sometimes lead to physical and emotional abuse both for them and their children.
4: The Rejecting parent. They donโt enjoy any level of emotional intimacy. Their interactions with other family members usually consist of getting angry, commanding others, or completely isolating themselves.
THE TECHNIQUE1: Become curious and observe rather than react. Our episode on this: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/over-reactions-how-to-not-overreact/
2: Think like a scientist. Mentally take note of how your parent or the adult is responding to you. Are they actually listening to you or are they just trying to appease you? Do you recognize any of the emotionally immature behaviors we talked about earlier?
Once youโve done this you can begin to employ what Gibson calls the three-step Maturity Awareness Approach. The first step is to express yourself and let go.
1: Express yourself and let go. Tell your parent or the person what you want to say, but don't worry about controlling the outcome. It doesn't matter how they react to you.
2: Set a goal of what you want to achieve from the conversation. For example, you might say, I want to tell my mother h
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I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
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What we see on TikTok often starts on message boards in fringe groups then spills over into the mainstream. This is true of the Looksmaxxing social media trend that's been gaining more and more currency among teen boys.
The goal of looksmaxxing is to meet a set of criteria for physical attractiveness, with a focus on the eyes, jawline, and physique and the ultimate currency is SMV, or Sexual Market Value.
There are some really positive elements to the trend, but its originated in incel groups so there can be a dark underbelly that it's worth us parents knowing about, as Mike Nicholson https://www.progressivemasculinity.co.uk/is well aware.
SOME KEY INFLUENCERS:
Kareem Shami - syrianpsycho
Dillon Latham
NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY:
Open Wide
PODCAST:
LOOKSMAXXING for the modern male (attitude, skin & hair routine, clothes, mewing, jawsize)
APPS MENTIONED:
UMAX
LOOSKMAX AI
MEWING:The Mews are a father and son team of orthodontists from the UK who began to market their techniques on YouTube.
The basic principles of mewing include:
Tongue Position: Keeping the tongue flat against the roof of the mouth, rather than letting it rest on the bottom of the mouth.Posture: Maintaining good overall posture, which is thought to support proper oral and facial alignment.Breathing: Encouraging nasal breathing rather than mouth breathing, which can affect facial structure over time.When to seek help: from medical news today
spending prolonged periods of time or repeatedly checking appearance in the mirrorfeelings of dissatisfaction or distress toward aspects of appearance that may interfere with everyday lifespending prolonged periods of time worrying about or thinking negative thoughts about appearancepersistent feelings of hopelessness, guilt, worthlessness, anxiety, sadness, or shamebecoming irritable more easilyfeeling tired or low in energydifficulty getting to sleep, staying asleep, or sleeping too muchfeeling restless and having difficulty concentratinghaving thoughts about death or suicide
Your son is...
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/feb/15/from-bone-smashing-to-chin-extensions-how-looksmaxxing-is-reshaping-young-mens-faces
https://fortune.com/2024/07/01/looksmaxxing-apps-rate-teen-boys-faces-mental-health/
htSupport the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
Boundaries exist, regardless of whether we're conscious of them or not. The first place we experience them is in our own home, and the way they are created, managed and enforced can set us up for a lifetime of healthy relationships, or difficulty coping with other humans.
https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/mental-health/teens-health-boundaries/#:~:text=Healthy%20boundaries%20support%20adolescents'%20ability,and%20sometimes%20verbally%20as%20well.https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries#10-tipshttps://www.verywellhealth.com/setting-boundaries-5208802
In this episode Susie and I discuss what a boundary is, how we uncover our own boundaries and create and uphold healthy ones within our own families.
It's a fascinating area for us parents who were raised in an era where the term barely existed, and the mental health issues that come with poor boundaries went unacknowledged.
We'd love to hear your feedback, ideas and questions. Email [email protected] or send a text using the button at the top of the podcast notes.
SOURCES:Boundary Exercises from verywellhealth
When you set boundaries, you're communicating to others how you want and expect to be treated. Here are a few exercises that can help when you feel tongue-tied:
Use "I" statements:
I feel ______ when _____ is said to me.When this happens______, I feel_____.When you feel disrespected:
I don't like the way I'm being spoken to right now.I would like to talk about this but now is not the right time.I would prefer to discuss this when we can be calmer about it.Buy yourself some time:
I'm not sure right now. Can I come to you once I've thought about it?I need more time to think, but I will get back to you.When you want to say "no" with a little more explanation:
I would love to, but my plate is really full right now.I would if I could, but I'm unable to help with that right now.I really appreciate the invitation, but I'm not interested in participating.Seeking consent with sexual boundaries:
Are you okay with this?Do you want to continue?Are you comfortable if I____?Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
When kids hit puberty they become driven by a core motivation that many of us adults don't fully appreciate. It's not simply fun, or sex; they're looking for experiences that give them social status and respect.
According to David Yeager, author of 10-25: The Science of How to Motivate Young People, a societal belief that teens and young adults are lazy and incompetent causes us to misunderstand the power of this motivator. When parents, teachers and employers get it wrong they try to use either an enforcer mindset - yelling telling, blaming and shaming - or a protector mindset such as bribes and lowered expectations rather than mentoring.
In his book, Yeager, whom Clarivate Web of Science ranks as one of the top 0.1% most-influential psychologists in the world over the past decade, tells stories and gives concrete explanations for why the the science of motivating young people shows we can harness their drive for social status and a growth mindset, to motivate any young person to achieve their best.
BOOK:
10-25: The Science of Motivating Young People
DAVID YEAGER: Author/Professor/Scientist
[email protected]Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
Over the last decade, parents have been consistently more likely to report experiencing high levels of stress compared to other adults, according to a report issued by the US Surgeon General, Dr Vivek Murthy.
Be a "single tasker" and focus on one task at a time to reduce stress and improve focus.Identify when you are hearing judgment or fear, and examine whether it is an internal or external stressor.Ration your exposure to negative thoughts and negative media to avoid activating stress circuits.Lean on your support network and share your feelings with others to avoid feeling isolated.Recognize the signs of stress in yourself and have a list of de-stressing activities.Plan and organize tasks in advance to reduce stress and increase efficiency.Practice cognitive empathy by understanding others' perspectives without getting emotionally involved.Cultivate meaningful happiness by reconnecting with experiences, people and goals that matter to you.Trust that stressful situations will pass and focus on your capacity to manage them.Act as an ambassador for stress management by sharing resources and pushing back against unnecessary stress.
According to the advisory, 'When stress is severe or prolonged, it can have a harmful effect on the mental health of parents and caregivers, which in turn also affects the well- being of the children they raise. Children of parents with mental health conditions may face heightened risks for symptoms of depression and anxiety and for earlier onset, recurrence, and prolonged functional impairment from mental health conditions.'
It goes on to say โDemands from both work and child caregiving have come at the cost of quality time with oneโs partner, sleep and parental leisure time.โ
We've talk about ways of reducing stress in the past, but it can't be talked about enough. In this episode we unpack what is said in the Advisory, and give you some helpful tips on how to reduce the pressure felt by us all.
Here is a 10-point list of top tips from this episode:MY BLOG POST ON THIS EPISODE:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/our-culture-of-comparison-is-a-key-factor-in-the-damaging-levels-of-stress-experienced-by-parents/PREVIOUS EPISODE WITH MORE TIPS:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/stress-dealing-with-the-pressures-of-parenting-and-techniques-that-help-reduce-the-stress/
THE SOURCE:
https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2024/08/28/us-surgeon-general-issues-advisory-mental-health-well-being-parents.html
STUDY ON MATERNAL EMPATHY: AFFECTIVE V'S COGNITIVE
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4053926/
AN EXCELLENT ARTICLE LISTING IDEAS OFFERD IN THIS EPISODE:
https://pSupport the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
How to parent kids who struggle with ADHD, anxiety and life
Nobody wants their child to struggle, but it's inevitable at some point. Many of the problems our kids face will be part of a well-worn path through the teenage years.
But some kids have more complex needs. Parenting them can be far more challenging, and require a far great draw on our own resources, which is why I've been looking out for advice that will help those of us who find ourselves in that situation.
Having read the Essential Guide, by Elaine Taylor-Klaus, I knew she would be perfect for the podcast. The book is packed full of tips and support, and her thinking is completely in line with all of the advice I've uncovered over the years of making this podcast.
Let me know what you think and if you enjoy the episode please give it five stars or a review if you have the time.
BOOK:
The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and more: What Parents and Teachers Really Need to Know to Empower Complicated Kids with Confidence and Calm.
CONTACT:
https://impactparents.com/Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
A recent Tweet focused my mind on something I've only really glimpsed with a side-eye. We hear so much about the challenges of the early teen years that it's easy to forget young adults have their own issues.
As the Tweeter said, when our kids are 18-22 they're dealing with adult emotions, disappointing experiences and us parents have zero control; making it terrible to witness. The response to the remark was a variety of parents agreeing entirely, or begging for better news because they needed to know that things get better.
My two bonus daughters have been through this stage and I have a teen who's literally on the brink, so I thought it would a great topic to discuss with her.
In our chat we talked about the precipice of leaving school, the way that our teen's cohort then moves on to vastly different things, and the need for our teens to create their own community for the first time in their lives.
For us parents, there's the need to realise how little control we have over our teens, that we too are in a new stage of life, and a time when we begin to see the groundwork we have laid in terms of resilience and self-determination, begin to pay back.
We'd love to know what you think about this discussion.
BOOKS:
A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
The Mad Woman's Ball Victoria Mas
ARTICLE:
https://www.thetimes.com/magazines/the-times-magazine/article/caitlin-moran-british-teenage-girls-unhappy-qgc3d5wgfSupport the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
When an anonymous listener posted this question we thought it would be a great topic to discuss; one that many of our listeners could be wondering about.
The listener said, Hello, I absolutely love your podcast. And hereโs the question. Do you think all teens should go to therapy, just so they have a space to talk that isnโt a parent, family member or friend. Iโve been pondering this lately and trying to equip my kids with all the tools I feel they will need in life.Feeling very empowered listening to the podcast.
The other issue we discussed was an email in which a listener queried whether it's really that important for boys to have male teachers as role models; or even to have same sex role models at all.
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/conflict-resolution-skills-can-deepen-your-relationship-with-your-teen-heres-how/Richard Reeves Of Boys and MenBad Therapy, Why The Kids Aren't Growing UP.
REFERENCES:Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk - Laat meer zien
